Pamela Foster's Blog, page 3

Vortex

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You may remember the incident at the pool with the young, female physical therapist who reported Jack to her supervisor for making inappropriate sexual remarks. Despite my calm reasoning, loud explaining, and inevitable begging, Jack did indeed make the situation worse.

He is no longer allowed at the pool – the only pool within three hundred miles where he could receive the physical therapy he needs in order to remain strong and mobile enough to remain in our home, rather than having to go i...

Underwater Dreams

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In the dream I’m floating in the ocean. Warm, salty water occasionally breaks over my face, does little more than cool my head from the hot sun. The sea is confused, waves coming from all directions, the way the Mexican Caribbean behaves just before a storm blows in all the way from the coast of African. I’m alert, aware that the shoreline is too far away for me to reach by swimming. At the far back of my  mind lurks the possibility of a shark arriving to nibble my toes or, you know, bite me...

Time Does Not heal All Wounds

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Jack is in Vietnam anniversary dates. He landed near China beach on July 4th of ’65. His best buddy, Lemual, was hit on August 31st. The medivac chopper was shot down as it tried to take off. Jack believed Lem had been killed. From that moment until Jack himself stepped on a landmine on December 14th, Jack, until very recently, had no memory of what happened. Since his PSP has mucked with his central brain, Jack is recovering patches of memories from that lost period in his life.

This is not...

Skilled Nursing

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Years ago we lived in the high desert of Arizona. Jack planted a garden of okra and tomatoes in raised beds inside what had once been a small corral. His hard work proved a boon for the local bunny population. He tacked chicken wire to the lower fence in an attempt to keep the cottontails out. The bunnies dug under.

He then bought an air gun.

“The rascals are eating my ‘maters’. I’ll shoot the sons-a-bitches.”

He positioned himself for a clear shot of his precious tomatoes and waited for his...

Responsibility

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Those in the paths of mighty hurricanes will often refuse to evacuate unless they can keep their beloved family pets with them. They will stay in their flooded homes, cradle their animals to their breasts, and keep moving the cans of Purina higher as the waters rise around them. Dog food which, by the way, is made from big-eyed cows and highly intelligent pigs and soft and cuddly lambs.

The difference between, say, an oversized pit bull with an adorable polka dot bow tie and the cow or pig o...

In The Twinkling of an Eye

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Fifteen or so years ago, Jack and I took a train from Bangkok to the bridge over the river Kwai. Yes, THAT bridge. Visiting a POW camp and graveyard takes a heavy emotional toll, and with Jack’s combat PTSD, and me monitoring Jack for his reaction at every step, the experience left us both a bit numb. Repressing emotions does that to a person. Toward the end of the day, we stood with our backs to a large glass case of random human bones and read placards that told the story of the camp and o...

Purple People Eaters

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My world view is predicated primarily on logic, experience, and expedience. Yet, I know the power of emotions. I believe love can heal, can open our souls to everything good in life, and I believe that is a kind of magic. I believe hate can devour us from within. However, essentially, I am a “show me the double-blind study” kind of woman, with one or two illogical caveats. For instance, several times I’ve awakened from dreams and known one of my boys was in trouble when, indeed, that son was...

Opioids

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This week has been a series of medical challenges.  The dog pooped blood. That’s never a good sign. Two trips to the veterinarian and an empty check book later, Nickie is on the mend. The very hour the dog’s symptoms improved, Jack began to shout and moan about pain in his left hip. You may remember that a month or so ago he fell and banged his right hip.  That injury, coupled with his shoulders, which he damaged in a previous fall, put him in a wheelchair and set in motion a slew of prepara...

Nebulous

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Webster’s dictionary gives these synonyms for nebulous – vague, ill-defined, unclear, hazy, uncertain, indefinite, indeterminate, imprecise, unformed, muddled, confused, and ambiguous. When people ask me how I’m doing as Jack’s caregiver, instead of my usual answer of ‘okay’, or ‘not bad’, maybe my answer should be, “My state of mind is nebulous.”

When Jack’s symptoms began, the image that came to me was of living in one of those bouncy castles. Each step threw me off-balance. A lot of energ...

Mixed Messages

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Yesterday was not a good day between Jack and me. We got up a little late, had a 10:00 appointment a half hour away at the Coast Guard Station to renew my dependent ID. The respite worker was late (first day of kindergarten for his daughter), I needed a shower, Jack didn’t understand that he was to get dressed while I was in the shower, well. . . you get the idea.

By the time I loaded the wheelchair onto the Jerry-rigged lift and strapped it down in what I hoped was a secure fashion, I was n...