Susan Call's Blog, page 10

9 Things You Should Stop Doing

Have you ever noticed that we can be our own worst enemy sometimes? We stress, worry, and procrastinate causing us to worry and stress even more. This week I’ve spent time spring cleaning. If my closet could talk, it would be thanking me!  It’s given me a fresh attitude on things we can stop doing and improve our outlook. Sometimes the very key to our progress is to stop doing something.

9 Things to Stop Doing:
1. Stop being afraid to try something new.

Trying something new can be intimidating. But, if you don’t try something new, how will you find your next new favorite thing? This week try a new recipe, start a new book, or put the plans in motion to try that thing you’ve been wanting to try.

2. Stop living in the past.

You made a mistake yesterday, last week or last year. Yet, you still beat yourself up, put yourself down, or hold yourself back because of it. Let it go! Yesterday’s strikeout does not lose today’s game. Keep the past in perspective. Give your energy to today.

3. Stop ignoring small unpleasant tasks.

Even the smallest weight will grow heavy if you hold it long enough. It’s easy to procrastinate on that thing that you just don’t want to do. But do you really want to carry it far longer than necessary? Get it done, cross it off your list, and move on. Give yourself a due date. Write it down. You’d be amazed how much easier it is to get done when you have a due date. And, you’ll be amazed how freeing it is to get it done.

4. Stop allowing other people to determine your happiness.

News flash – people are human! Even the most well intended person will let you down or miss the mark at some point. Do not put the responsibility of happiness on other people. Happiness is an internal choice. The solution to your happiness lies within you and you hold the power to make you happy, or not. Do one thing to make you happier today… put fresh flowers on your table, get a manicure, do a puzzle, read a chapter in a book, write a card to a friend who could use encouragement. Pick something that makes you happy and do it.

5. Stop putting off your appointment.

We’ve all done it. We know we were supposed to have a physical, or go to the dentist, or have one of the many tests they recommend based on your current age. Still we put it off. Truth be told, we all know someone who is alive today because they didn’t wait to be seen. If you are putting off an appointment, stop waiting. Make it happen. Schedule the appointment this week.

6. Stop entertaining negative self-talk.

We are all our own best critic. While it’s ok to reflect to see where we can improve or grow, it’s not ok to use internal tapes to create a prison that holds us back. When negative internal chatter kicks up, counter it with affirmations of where you have already improved or are making progress. Refuse to entertain negative self-talk. Commit to catching your negative thoughts and replace them.

7.  Stop waiting until you feel like it.

Are you waiting for the motivation to do something? Maybe it’s lose weight, clean out your closet or garage, apologize or have that tough conversation. Motivation rarely grabs hold of us and propels us forward. Instead, we need to take the first step in the direction we want to go and then take another. Action fuels motivation while inaction breeds complacency. Decide. Plan your next step and do it. Stop waiting until January first, next month or even Monday.

8. Stop playing the comparison game.

We’ve all heard this one a million times before yet, we’re all susceptible to the pull of comparison. As summer ramps us, resist the urge to compare your vacation with others, or compare your or your children’s achievements to your friends and family. Social media will be abuzz with graduations and vacations. Celebrate with your friends. Do not compare to them. Be inspired and choose to be the best you each day because nothing compares to that!

9. Stop hitting the snooze button.

This one is hard for me too. I’ve heard it said that hitting the snooze button causes you to procrastinate when given your first decision of the day. Ouch. Speaker and author Mel Robbins has admitted in interviews that she used to struggle with getting out of bed. Now when her alarm clock goes off, she counts from 5 down to 1 and gets up. She was inspired by a NASA launch. The next time you’re having a hard time getting out of bed, or acting on a decision, count from 5 down to 1 and do it.

Which of these 9 do you think is the hardest to tackle? Is there one or more you’ll try? Click to comment and join the conversation. I’d love to hear from you. And, if you enjoyed this list, why not share it? Be sure to subscribe below so that you don’t miss a dose of encouragement.

A few other helpful resources
Posts:

When You Feel Like Quitting: 3 Tips to Fuel Your Motivation
The 3 Powerful Sentences You Need to Break Old Tapes
Why We Procrastinate and What to do About It

YouTube:

Mel Robbins (5 Second Rule / The Secret to Self-Motivation)

 

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Feeling Salty? 3 Things You Can Do to Shift Your Perspective

Frustrated, annoyed, or salty? Have you ever noticed that sometimes life drops a situation, a circumstance, or even a person in our path that we wouldn’t mind doing without. While we can’t usually change our situation in an instant, we still have a choice to make. We can continue to move forward grumbling and annoyed, or we can shift our perspective and walk lighter despite our challenges.

I’ve just had the opportunity to walk through such a perspective shift in the past few days. A new project at work requires that I travel to a different location twice a week. The 25 minute trip each way adds up to just shy of two hours of added travel time each week. It didn’t take too many shuttle rides to feel saltiness creeping in. Soon I began to dread those two days until… the shift happened. One morning, I felt like God whispered what you’ve been seeing as a burden is a gift. I had been looking to find time in my schedule for writing. With my schedule change, I had 50 minutes twice a week during my work day that I couldn’t actually work. But, I could use that time to work on writing my next book, read, or write my blogs. The travel time has given me quiet time, ponder time, or writing time smack dab in the middle of my day job. It wasn’t ever meant to be a burden, it was a gift. My attitude immediately shifted and my saltiness vanished. Now I  look forward to my shuttle time.

3 Things you can do when you need a perspective shift:
1.Change “Have to” to. “Get to”

Typically we end the sentence “I have to” with something we dread. For years, I ended that sentence with I have to go to the gym. Or I have to lose weight. Maybe even I have to eat more vegetables. But have you noticed that what we put at the end of that sentence isn’t something we pursue joyfully? Instead it’s more of a begrudging pursuit, if we take the action at all.

To shift our perspective from burden to blessing, we need to change the sentence. I have to eat more vegetables changes to I get to choose what I eat and I’m going to choose healthier foods. Or, instead of I have to go to the gym, we can say I get to go the gym. It may not feel genuine when you first start saying I get to, but the more you use it the more it will assist your perspective shift.

2. Find the Silver Lining

It’s not easy but be persistent in your pursuit of a silver lining. A few months ago, my car engine unexpectedly had a major catastrophe. A mechanical defect took the entire engine out leaving me without a car for a number of days. In the midst of navigating without a car, my son volunteered to drop me off at work each morning while my daughter agreed to pick me up at the end of the day. I suddenly had daily one-on-one visit time with my two young adult children. My car engine dying was far from a gift but, the time with my children was priceless.

Allow yourself to step outside of your struggle and look for the unique opportunities the situation has provided. Time with people, or even time alone can both be gifts for a season. An injury that causes us to temporarily lose our mobility might be the chance we’ve been looking for to read a book, learn another language, or start a blog we’ve had on our hearts. Pray about your situation and ask God to show you any opportunities hiding in your circumstance.

3. Re-size it

Refuse to let whatever “it” is be all consuming. Don’t allow a bad moment, a difficult day, or even a tough season turn into self-talk that says it will never get better or that it will always be like it is today. Keep it contained to the space it holds and refuse to give it more room. A rough day doesn’t mean that the entire week is bad week and a tough season doesn’t mean your entire life is awful. Looking back, my extra 50 minute commute should not have stolen from the potential of the other 23 hours and 10 minutes those days offer.

When you find frustration growing, or saltiness settling in. Look for the opportunity to shift your perspective. Get rid of have to’s, look for the silver lining, and right size the issue. Who knows, maybe you’ll find a way to be thankful for what was once a burden. I know I look forward to my shuttle ride each week because it now gives me dedicated time to work on my blogs to share with you!

If you’ve enjoyed this post, why not subscribe so that you don’t miss an encouraging post. And, please share with your friends.  Have you found a way to shift your perspective? Or, will you be trying one of these? As always, I’d love to hear from you.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy these other posts on perspective:

What Baseball Taught Me About Life
5 Empowering Life Tips from a Game of Connect Four

 

The post Feeling Salty? 3 Things You Can Do to Shift Your Perspective appeared first on Susan Call.

What to do When You Think Your Friend is Being Abused

“Should we say anything?”

My friend didn’t use the word abuse, still her gut knew something wasn’t right. It was both unsettling and uncomfortable.  “Did you see that?” she blurted, looking over to her husband. He nodded in affirmation. “Should we say anything?” she asked, unsure how to process what they had just witnessed.

Between our stories and laughs that afternoon, they couldn’t help but notice that my demeanor changed each time my husband put his hand on my arm. The bubbly me quieted as though on cue. It was but one subtle yet very real sign of my toxic relationship – one that would ultimately end several years later with me and my two children running for our lives.

She didn’t say something all those years ago. But, it is one of the questions I get asked more than any other from people who know something is “off” with one of their family members or friends. What should I do? What should I say?

It should be no surprise that it is such a common question because statistics say that 75% of us know someone who has dealt with abuse or is dealing with it. Abuse isolates while instilling paralyzing fear. Breaking free from an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult, but it is possible. How you intervene could save the life of a family member or friend.

3 Things you can do to make a difference:
1. Know the Signs of Abuse 

(Each of these can equally read his or her. They apply regardless of gender.)

Does her personality change when her partner is around? (She goes from bubbly to quiet, withdrawn, anxious, or much more conservative.)
Does she cancel plans at the last minute?
Has she changed her appearance? (less makeup, dresses differently, etc..)
Does her partner constantly call or text?
Does she seem to need to “check in” frequently?
Has she given him access to her passwords and social media accounts?
Does she make excuses for his behavior?
Does she have unexplained bruises?
Has she stopped spending time with many friends, even those who were once close?
Does she seem less confident or more withdrawn?
Has she given up her dreams, goals, and or hobbies?

2. A few common misconceptions:

But he seems so nice. Abusers are often master manipulators with incredible charm, charisma, and generosity. Behind closed doors behavior can completely change. Such Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality changes are common with abusers.
 If it’s that bad, wouldn’t she just leave? Leaving isn’t a simple effort. 75% of deaths from domestic violence occur after she has left.
I don’t think he’s actually hit her. Is emotional abuse that serious? Yes, it is. Domestic violence escalates over time. Emotional abuse can not only leave deep emotional scars, but it can also lead to physical violence over time.
She’s gone back to him so I don’t need to help?  It takes the average woman eight attempts at leaving before she stays away. Emotional and financial ties can run deep. She may have doubts that she can make it on her own, or that anyone else would ever love her, or that the abuse was that bad. The psychological put-downs damage her self-esteem and denial clouds judgment of abuse. Don’t withdraw your friendship just because she’s returned. Your friendship will be even more important to her long term success.
But my friend is a guy. Guys can’t be abuse, can they?  One in Seven men will experience abuse in a relationship. Everything listed here, applies to men and women. If you suspect a male friend is in an abusive relationship, your support is equally needed!

3. What can you do to help?

Have the tough conversation. (example of how follows this section)
Be a consistent friend, even if she often cancels your plans.
Reinforce her strengths. An abused person’s self esteem suffers from constantly being torn down. By reinforcing her strengths, she can gain courage to face the situation.
Don’t berate the abuser to your friend, doing so can cause her to defend him and draw her closer to her abuser.
Encourage her to spend time with friends and family. Isolation in abusive relationships is strong. Encourage her to reform connections and expand her sense of community.
Encourage her to speak to a professional resource such as a domestic violence advocate at a local agency or the National Domestic Violence hotline (1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org), a counselor, or the police.
Offer to allow her to use your phone to call the hotline.
Help her make a safety plan. The plan should include someplace to go should she need to leave quickly. An example of what should be included in a safety plan can be found at: http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/SafetyPlan.php.
Share this post with your friends and relatives. You never know who’ll witness abuse and wonder “Did you see that? Should we say something?”

What to say:

So what can you say? Tell your friend that you are concerned for them. Let them know you’ve seen or heard things that are unsettling to you. Share a few things that you’ve noticed but don’t give them a long drawn out list. Let them know that you are there for them if and when they ever need someone to talk to. It is better to plant a seed of support so that your friend will know they have someone to turn to when they are ready. As the person who has been on the other side of this equation, it is much easier to share with someone who already knows something is wrong than to call a friend who may not be aware at all.

As for my story, we’ll never know how my path may have changed if my friends had spoken up. But I can tell you that I have broken free and am no longer in my abusive marriage.

Now it’s your turn to speak up…Spread the word. Share this information. Abuse affects 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men. Your friends need you to speak up!

For additional resources, please click here.

The post What to do When You Think Your Friend is Being Abused appeared first on Susan Call.

3 Secrets an Ironman Taught Me About Perspective

My Lunch with an Ironman

Have you ever just listened in awe as someone shared their story? You know, those lean-in-a-bit-closer moments of life when you soak in the encouragement of someone else’s story. I had such a chance the other day when I sat down to lunch with a friend who competes as professional  Ironman athlete.  As she shared incredible stories from her many competitions, I hung on her words . It was so encouraging, I couldn’t wait to share!

If you’re unfamiliar with the Ironman Competition – it’s a triathlon covering 2.4 miles swimming, 112 miles biking, topped off with a full marathon of running 26.22 miles. You don’t need to be an athlete to appreciate the wisdom she shared.

Jelly Fish and Sharks Happen

Imagine competing in a grueling triathlon. Now put the first leg in the choppy waters off of South Africa, where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet. Large swells taunt even the most seasoned swimmers by making it necessary to dive into the waves between strokes just to make forward progress. But, the waves are far from the only distraction on this unique swim. Jelly fish and sharks abound. “Do they come close?” I asked trying to imagine the courage to swim in such infested waters. “Yes.” She said. “I got stung in that race!” But when I asked if it was terrifying to swim in such conditions, she said you don’t focus on the jelly fish and sharks. You know that they’re there. But, you focus on your swim. She and the other competitors know that if you focus on the dangers and the distractions, they’d never finish what they came to do.

How many times in life do we allow our focus to drift? We focus on the noise of life, the things that worry us, the “jelly fish and sharks” of every day. How much more ground could we cover if we more carefully choose our focus?

The Best Decisions are Pre-Decisions

In an Ironman Competition there are countless decisions. Racers monitor their pace, their hydration, their caloric intake in addition to a number of mind-numbing decisions necessary to complete the race as efficiently as possible. In fact, competitors can suffer decision fatigue finding that making choices becomes harder as the race progresses. The antidote – they make as many decisions before the race as they can, while they are in training. They pre—decide everything from when they will eat or drink to sustain energy and hydration to what pace they’ll maintain during the various stages of the race. They know that when they are tired and weary in the midst of the challenge their decision will not be made with equal clarity.

This simple act of discipline hit home with me. I’ve learned that the time to decide to stick to your diet isn’t when your stomach is growling and you haven’t planned ahead. The time to decide is before you’re in the situation. The time to decide you will act with integrity or courage is before you need it. Lives are changed when people decide that no matter what happens today, they’ll choose do the right thing in the situations that come up, no matter what they are. Marriages are saved when men and women decide before a situation occurs that they will not entertain thoughts or actions counter to their commitment. The best time to decide how you will respond in situations is before you are in them. There’s power in the pre-decision!

Not here, Not Now Attitude

On my friend’s first overseas Ironman, she was the first out of the water onto the bike portion of the race. The middle leg seemed to start out well until her tire slid on wet pavement throwing her and her bike into a heap. Other competitors sailed past her as she assessed her situation. She had a pressing decision. Throw in the towel or instead say ‘not here, not now.” She had trained for months. She had been leading the pack just minutes ago. What would it be?

Not here, not now. She dug deep and said this is not where it ends. I didn’t come this far to stop here. She decided she would try to ride her bike. She challenged herself to ride just a bit but gave herself permission to reassess down the road. At each juncture when she reassessed, her resounding answer came back ‘not here, not now.’

She tapped into all of the decisions she had pre-decided including the pace she knew she could maintain with her not here, not now attitude. She gave up focusing on other competitors and focused on her pace, her routine, her race, what she had trained for.  Maintaining her focus, one by one, she passed the other competitors who had sailed by while she recovered from her fall.  With one mile left, she dug deep and pushed past the last challenger. She would be the first to cross the finish line, giving her her first international Ironman victory – all because she chose to not be taken out, not here, not now.

Running Our Race

How many days do we take ourselves out of the race we’re called to run? Our egos are bruised because of our mistakes or our falls, or perhaps because of the words or actions of someone else. We see others running harder or stronger, or further ahead than we are. We forget that we’re not called to run against them. We’re called to run. Our finish lines are not in the same place. Typically our races are often not even on the same course. And, our race is not a competition against others but rather one of purpose, the purpose God has for each one of us. We must dig deep on the days that sting, the days that try to rob our progress or steal our momentum. If you have breath in your lungs friend, your race is not over, not here, not now. Press on!

This weekend my friend will be competing in another Ironman Competition. As she sets out, I’m inspired to lace up my sneakers – not my actual sneakers, but my sneakers on this journey of life. I hope you do too. Be encouraged. Some days are far from an easy jog in the park. Look past your jelly fish and sharks, decide ahead of challenges what your response will be, and decide your journey doesn’t end here or now. You’ve got breath in your lungs which means there is purpose in your soul. It’s time to go run your race!

As always, I’d love to hear from you. If this resonates with you, let me know which of these nuggets hit home the most. And, if this post encouraged you, why not share it with your friends so that they can be encouraged too.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy: When You Feel Like Quitting: 3 Tips to Fuel Your Motivation

 

The post 3 Secrets an Ironman Taught Me About Perspective appeared first on Susan Call.

The Problem With Sticky Words And How to Break Free From Them

Have you ever noticed that words can be worse than a wad of gum stuck on the bottom of our shoes? Words can be sticky. And, sticky words linger. They follow us. Much like a wad on the bottom of our shoe, they can impact the very steps we take. Or, they may cause us not to take steps we wish we could.  If we’re not careful, they may impact who we become. It happened to me over 20 years ago. Maybe you recognize the scenario:

He said I was beautiful, and I believed him.

He said I had potential and that I was going places. He filled my mind with ambitions, dreams, and promise for the future. And I believed him.

But then he said I was useless, and when things went wrong, it was my fault. He told me I’d be nothing without him, that without him I’d be all alone, and that no one else would ever love me.

And, I believed him.

For years, I believed him.

Eventually I didn’t need him to tell me that I wasn’t good enough because I told myself. And, I believed me.

Sticky words

Has it happened to you too? We push words spoken to us deep into our minds pretending they didn’t sting, or we hope that they’ll fade over time. The problem is, what we bury in our thoughts  feeds our hearts. And, we believe it.

What we hold on to, holds on to us.

Words can all too easily become our internal tapes. Perhaps unknowingly we allow them to be seared upon our hearts. The voices who spoke the careless words may have long since been silenced in our lives but their lingering echo continues to wreak havoc in how we see ourselves.

The power of a new tape.

Over the past year I had the power to break some internal tapes that I’ve been holding on to for years. Residual internal dialog, subconscious thoughts beyond what I was aware of, yet they spoke a negative sense of value to my heart. I put myself in a box and put my potential on a shelf. At the same time, I had become stagnant in my life and my faith.  What surprised me about my internal aha is that the change I needed was up to me and within my grasp all along. It all came down to a choice, my choice. Do I believe what was spoken to me and what I’ve repeated to myself, or do I believe what God says about me?

It was time for a new tape. Actively I began to change how I spoke to myself and what words I allowed to land in my heart. It’s a change that is powerful. It’s freeing. Maybe you need a new tape too? If you do, it’s time to re-write your ending.

Re-write your ending.

Recently I read the quote “Whatever follows ‘I am’ follows you.”

How we complete the sentence ‘I am’ has immense power. It speaks life or death. How do you finish ‘I am?’ Why not consider replacing some of the way-to-common words with empowering words that remind you of your value.

Examples of new endings:

I am not enough.  I am enough. (Psalm 18:35b Your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.)

I am stupid.  I am able. (Philippians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.)

I am alone. I am never alone. (Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.)

I am weak. I am strong. (Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.)

I am a failure. I am an overcomer. (John 16:33 In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.)

I am unimportant. I matter. (Isaiah 43:4 Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.)

I am unaccepted. I am chosen. (1 Peter 2:9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.)

I’m useless.  I am made for a purpose.  (Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.)

How have you finished ‘I am’ in the past? Do you need to write a few new endings?  Identify the sticky words you’ve held on to, or that you’ve believed. Counter them with new sentences that empower you to be the best you that you were made to be. And, the next time someone speaks a negative word to you, let it fall on the ground instead of letting it land in your heart.

Can you relate to what I’ve been through? Have you repeated words to yourself and believed them long after they were spoken? Why not click and join the conversation? And, if this post encouraged you, why not share it with your friends so that they can be encouraged too?

A few other posts you may enjoy:

The 3 Powerful Sentences You Need to Break Old Tapes
How an Awkward Moment Changed My Opinion of Value
How a Pop Quiz Can Change Your Perspective on Self-Talk

 

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How to Let Go Without Losing it, What Every Parent Needs to Know About Launching Their Kids

I didn’t expect the sudden flood of dinosaur tears pulling away from my daughter’s college on move in day. Up until that moment, I’d been swept into the excitement of watching my first born spread her wings. But no one told me how hard the launch process would be or how long it would last. I fought to contain the emotional flood much of the drive home.

It didn’t seem that long ago I was devouring What to Expect When You’re Expecting when unexpectedly, I found myself flailing, watching my children spread their wings. Until now, I hadn’t heard of a resource to help navigate this challenging season. Fledge, Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind is a hot-off-the presses phenomenal book by my friend, author Brenda Yoder. If you’re in or approaching a season of ‘lasts’ or trying to navigate this crazy, exhausting, exhilarating season of life, Fledge is for you! Today I’m sitting down with Brenda to give you a behind the scenes glimpse of this great new book and tell you how you could win a copy of your own!

Pull up a comfy chair, a cup of coffee or tea, and join me as I chat with Brenda.

As moms, far too often we feel like we’re the only ones who struggle. How has the process of writing and releasing Fledge: Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind reinforced that we’re not alone?

When I first pitched the idea to the publishers, those who had gone through this stage already affirmed the need for such a resource. Before I wrote Fledge , I wrote a blogpost called “I Have No Friends and Other Mom Grief ” and was overwhelmed at the number of women who identified with this common experience of loss. Since writing Fledge , I’ve heard from woman after woman who connect with the idea of the book without even reading it. Early reviewers have shared how meaningful the content has been. I truly wrote the book so other moms wouldn’t feel so weird, vulnerable, and alone in this season, because it’s how I felt. I honestly need other moms to commiserate with!

What’s one piece of advice you’d give to a mom who’s ready to start the fledging process or is in the middle of it? 

Give yourself grace. Give yourself grace when you feel like you’re losing everything you thought you knew about life. Give yourself grace when you are emotional at the “lasts” you experience with each child. Give yourself grace when you don’t feel like rejoicing or being stoic at the milestones which should be celebrated. Give yourself grace when your husband doesn’t understand that you miss your kids. Give yourself grace when your kids call you weird because you cry. Give yourself grace when you look in the mirror and see your mom. Give yourself grace when your birthday numbers say you’re “old.” In all your experiences as a midlife, fledging mom, give yourself grace. (There’s a chapter just on this).

There may be a mom or dad who realize they made a lot of mistakes releasing their kids. What can they do after the fact if they feel like they did it all wrong?

Thankfully, Christian parents have hope that God can undo the our mistakes in His time. I know this from personal experience. Joel 2 promises God will redeem the years the locusts have eaten; but the redemption comes after confession and repentance. While parents can’t undo past mistakes, we can confess mistakes or sins against our children. We can ask for forgiveness from those we’ve offended. We can change behavior that needs to be changed and accept responsibility for natural consequences. This also includes holding older teens, young adult, and adult children responsible for their own behavior and not taking on parent shame or blame for another’s unhealthy or harmful behavior. It’s humbling when you realize the effect your mistakes or sins have had on your child, but it doesn’t excuse their unhealthy or unsafe choices as an adult. Like other regrets, deal with what needs to be dealt with, give it to God, and move forward. We have to let our adult children walk their own journey and come around on their own time.

One of the things I love most about Fledge is how vulnerably you share your journey. How have you seen God use your transparency?

I started writing my blog, Life Beyond the Picket Fence, with vulnerability and transparency because it was what I needed at the time as a struggling mom. I needed people to be real with me. That transparency and vulnerability is what connected and has continued to connect with others when I speak and or write.  When I receive emails, cards, or comments from others saying how they know they’re not alone, and that my words express how they feel, I know I’m doing what I should be doing. When I was a struggling parent and felt alone, I looked around and only saw people whose lives were perfect. I needed someone to be real with me who also had a strong faith amid life’s struggles. I’ve made a commitment to be the type of woman I needed when I felt alone.

I ‘ve already joined your online community you’ve created to help connect and encourage parents. Can you share a bit the new group and let my readers know how to join?

I’ll be hosting a Fledge Parenting Forum as a closed Facebook group for topics covered in Fledge along with all topics related to releasing your children with biblical principles and healthy behavior along the parenting spectrum. Releasing begins with young children and continues even as your children are adults. I’ll do a topical video each week and parents will be able to enter into the discussion. It’s not meant to answer specific parenting questions per se or to be a site for individual coaching or counseling, but will be an educational and coaching site for topics relating to Fledge. Women can connect through my Facebook page. It’s now open!.

For more on letting go and everything else in the fledging stage of parenting,  get Fledge: Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind . It’s available online and at major retailers. Join me on Facebook for our upcoming Fledge Parenting Forum, and on Instagram, Twitter, and at the Life Beyond the Picket Fence blog at brendayoder.com

How to win your copy of Fledge:

Ok friends, I’m excited to be giving away a copy of Brenda’s new book. I know you’re going to love her vulnerability and transparency.

You’ll appreciate that she’s willing to share the bumps and lessons, along with real wisdom for this season of parenting. I will have a Facebook live drawing to announce the winner on Tuesday, March 13th at 7pm ET. How can you enter? Get an additional entry for each:

Comment on this blog post and let me know why you’d love to win Fledge.
Share this post on social media. (Be sure to tag me, or message me the link to your post.)
Join me on Brenda’s Facebook (Message me so that I can count your entry.)
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The post How to Let Go Without Losing it, What Every Parent Needs to Know About Launching Their Kids appeared first on Susan Call.

How an Awkward Moment Changed My Opinion of Value

“I left the price tag on, on purpose.” My mom said as I opened the small square hinged box. It definitely made the moment a bit awkward. Who leaves the price tag on I thought. Inside the box was a beautiful pair of earrings, more valuable than any I’d owned before. “I wanted you to know what they were worth so that you would know how to take care of them.”

I remember thinking “oh Mom.” Based on my age at the time, I may or may not have let an eye roll slip. (pretty sure I did.) Grateful for the gift, I wasn’t initially ready to admit that she was probably right. She was right. I took much better care of them knowing their value.

The other day I was reminded about those earrings. My eyes glanced from my jewelry box to the large mirror behind it, with my reflection staring back at me. The profoundness of that awkward moment years ago hit me. The value we perceive in something often changes how we treat it. Truth is, for years I lost my own sense of value. I didn’t take care of me as a result. I gained weight, smiled a bit less, and started to slip behind a facade rather than really live. It’s easy to do when the world around us influences how we see ourselves and we’re all too quick to remind ourselves of our shortcomings.

A few common sources of our sense of value:

The words of people around us. They may be encouraging or build us up. But, too often they tear us down and tell us we’re not enough.
The actions of people in our lives. Maybe it’s the parent, spouse, or friend that never seems to have time for us. Their lack of presence tells us that we don’t matter the way we wish we did. Or, perhaps their investment reassures our sense of worth and builds our confidence.
Strangers, the world at large. We often tap into messages society tells us. Stories on the news, comments of leaders, good or bad, war to feed our internal chatter.
Our internal chatter. What we tell ourselves, what we repeat to ourselves greatly impacts the sense of self worth we develop.

The truth about self-worth:

None of those sources are the truth. Sure they attempt to feed our internal dialog but, none of them convey your true value, not a one. On Valentine’s Day, those sources can scream loudly. We may be fortunate enough to get a cherished reminder that we are loved. Conversely, we may be disappointed with crashed expectations. Or, we may spend it alone. No matter which of the three scenarios describes your day, it doesn’t change your worth.

When we live by the complements of people, we’re bound to die by their criticism. Shake the urge to judge your value based on situations. Friend, our value comes from what God alone says. If he could, he’d say “Child, I’ve left your price tag on because I wanted you to know what you’re worth so that you would know how to take care of you.”

What does God say about your value?

You’re his miracle. He knit you together from before you were born and made you just like you are.
God has a plan for your life. You were created with a divine plan and design because you matter!
He knows you’re not perfect but forgives you because his love is bigger than your mound of mistakes.
He loves you so much his son died to save you.

Last year God reminded me of my value. It put me on a path to take better care of me. I feed my spirit and exercise my body regularly. I’ve changed how I talk to myself and have quieted the world’s input on my sense of value. The difference – I’m really living and embracing the life he’s given me.

Enjoy the love, kindness and compassion others share with you. But, don’t let it translate to what you think you are worth. No box of chocolates, no bouquet of flowers, and no piece of jewelry will ever change what God has written on your tag. Today he’s saying “Child, I’ve left your price tag on because I wanted you to know what you’re worth so that you would know how to take care of you.” 

Be blessed friend! God loves you more than a box of chocolates!  And, be sure to click and join the conversation. I’d love to hear from you.

Before you go, a few other nuggets to enjoy:

My Secret to Becoming Fiercely Focused, Confident, and Victorious
The Message I found in a Bottle
3 Powerful Sentences to Break Old Tapes
Live Like You’re Loved – video by Hawk Nelson

The post How an Awkward Moment Changed My Opinion of Value appeared first on Susan Call.

10 Tips for Taming Your Clutter

Raise your hand if you have an old cell phone tucked away in a drawer. Or, maybe you have an old pair of shoes or a box of clothes in the bottom of your closet that you haven’t worn for over a year. Or, maybe you have ‘a few’ boxes tucked out in your garage that may or may not have been there since you moved into your house several years ago. It’s called clutter. Despite our attempts to say out of sight, out of mind, it’s costing us our time, money, focus, and often our peace. Oh, we try to ignore it. For a while we may even stop seeing it. But as long as it’s there, even when we pretend it’s not, it’s got a hold on us.

 The cost of clutter

One in four people with a two car garage have so much stuff they can’t park a car in it.
One in ten Americans rent storage space.
The US has five times more storage facilities than Starbucks.
During our lifetime, we’ll spend an average of 153 days searching for misplaced items.
We lose up to nine items a day. Keys, phones, paperwork and sunglasses top the list.
The home organization industry is now over an $8 billion dollar industry and still growing.

  It’s both daunting and overwhelming. So what can you do?

 10 tips to tame your clutter:

Ask questions. How did I feel the last time I wore this? How much would I pay for this if I didn’t already own it? If I saw this in a store today, would I buy it? Let your answers provide insight as to what to keep.
Tackle it in small doses. Pick a number and each day I’m going to mindfully deal with that number of items. You can even nickname the effort – “Strive for Five.” Each day look around and decide on your five things and deal with them. They can be big or small. The idea with this approach is to be consistent. You’ll be amazed how the small but consistent approach adds up. And, you don’t need to wait for a Saturday to get started.
Set a timer. Pick a window of time and stay focused until the timer rings. 30 minute sprints add up. Defining your start and end time increases productivity. Set your cell phone down and focus until the timer rings.
Lose it or lose it. Put everything that you want to keep and doesn’t fit into a box. Give yourself a healthy weight loss goal for the next month as an example I’ll say 4 pounds. At the end of the month, if you haven’t achieved that loss, donate 3 or more things from your “skinny” box. Remember these are the clothes you hope to wear again. You need to lose it, or you lose it. If you aren’t making progress towards wearing them again, it makes sense to thin out that stash of clothes.
Flip your hangers. Turn all of the hangers in one direction. When you wear an item and return it to the closet, turn the hanger in the opposite direction. After six months, pull out the items with the hangers in the original position. If you aren’t wearing those items, why not get rid of them?
Start in your storage spaces. If your closets and drawers are disorganized, it may be helpful to start with them. Then as you organize your rooms, items have a place to go.
Start with the space that bothers you most. You may have an area that is causing more pain than others. The distraction it causes or the risk of not dealing with it may warrant it to have the priority. For example if your paperwork is out of control, you could miss a bill causing you to pay it late. Prioritize your starting space as appropriate if one area has a hidden cost.
Track your progress. Plan for motivational hits. After you get started, you’ll doubt your progress. This can be overcome by taking before pictures. When you can look back on how far you’ve come, you’ll be motivated to continue.
Use the 3 box method. As you work through a space, have three bins – put away, give away, toss. Work through your clutter filling the bins. Then when the bins are full, deal with them.
Stop procrastinating. Thinking about reducing your clutter won’t reduce it. Pick a starting point and do something today! It will be easier to continue tomorrow and you’ll be glad you did!

Please tell me I’m not the only one who continually fights the clutter battle. After writing this, I plan to heed my own advice. I’ll be using some of my time to declutter this weekend.

Where do you battle clutter? Which of these tips will you try? I’d love to hear from you. Click to comment and join the conversation. And, if you have a friend or family member who is fighting this battle, why not share this post?

And, if you haven’t signed up yet, why not enter your email and join my list? You’ll have future posts delivered right to your inbox.

The post 10 Tips for Taming Your Clutter appeared first on Susan Call.

The One Word Fix for Fizzled Resolutions.

Have you already broken your New Year’s resolution?  This year why not try an unresolution and see how one word can transform your year…

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to jump on the bandwagon of change and motivation at the beginning of the New Year only to see how quickly it fades? Infomercials fill the airwaves all attempting to convince us they’ve got the solution that will propel us successfully into the New Year in better health, more organized, and in charge. Often we buy their promises hoping this time it will be different.

Even if you’re not naturally a goal-driven person, the New Year beacons us to try. Despite our best intentions, our motivation often fizzles before the start of February.  Slowly we drift back into our old familiar habits. Raise your hand if you can relate.

Last year I tried something different, something new. Ok, it’s not new, but it was new to me… I read My One Word by Mike Ashraft and Rachel Olsen. They encourage the reader to try a different approach. Rather than making a resolution, you find one word that is a beacon, banner, or even a lens for the year.

It didn’t match all of the hallmarks (specific, measurable etc.) I’ve been taught to use when establishing a goal because it’s a different approach all together.

My One Word (last year):

After following the tips they provide for finding “the word”, I settled upon “connect.” I was certain God was nudging me to increase my networking efforts and connect with more people. While that did happen throughout the year, “Connect” in the end was about significantly more. I consciously began connecting my actions with my priorities and my goals. I began deliberately connecting my decisions to my goals. At the end of the year, I actually had something to show for it – perhaps most noticeably was my health through losing over 40 pounds in 2017.

My One Word 2018:

Seeing the powerful impact having “one word” for last year, I set out to find a word for 2018. Just like last year, when I “found” the word, I needed to pick it up and put it down a few times before I knew it was right. The year my word is “implement.” Initially I thought it would be all about putting things into practice or getting things done (I have a goal of writing my next book this year!). While I still believe that’s the case, I already realize it’s so much more. Implement is a noun as well as a verb. An “implement” is a tool with a particular purpose. This year, I will align my priorities to not only plan and “put into effect” my efforts, but I will do so while sincerely working at being best equipped for my purpose. It will mean stretching, studying, growing and surrendering. I’m excited to see how this year will unfold!

Your turn:

Have you ever considered a word for the year?
If you’ve tried it before, what has worked when implementing your word?
Or, does the idea of a word sound compelling and you’d like to give it a try?

Actions and Takeaways:

Consider choosing a word for this year. Not sure where to start, visit: http://myoneword.org/pick-your-word/ for a great resource to get you started.
Visit http://myoneword.org/resources/ for resources to help get you started.
Look up your word in the dictionary and write down the definition. You may be surprised that secondary and tertiary definitions may come to life.
Write your word where you will see it regularly. Then don’t forget to allow it to be a lens for your priorities, actions and decisions.
Share your word. Comment below or share on your social media. I’d love to hear what you pick, or if you’re going to try one word for this year.

Related Post: 5 Reasons New Year’s Goals Fail and 5 Things You Can Do About It.

Have you signed up to stay connected? If not, why not take a moment to do that below. When you do, you’ll get a free 2018 goal calendar that can help you with your focus for this year. I’d love to stay connected.

Comment to join the conversation… Will you try one word this year? What’s your word this year? Or, what will you do instead.

The post The One Word Fix for Fizzled Resolutions. appeared first on Susan Call.

When You Feel Like Quitting: 3 Tips to Fuel Your Motivation

I had barely started when the chatter kicked in. First just a quiet whisper, but it quickly grew into an unexpected motivational crisis. It reminded me that I didn’t want to be here – I didn’t feel like doing this. My mind raced to the list of important priorities waiting for me. I began to rationalize my thoughts as my motivation crashed. It wouldn’t really hurt if I shorten my efforts just a bit, would it? My eyes glanced at the timer on the elliptical machine. Sigh. I was only a quarter of the way into my time.

No one would know if I stopped short. No one would know if I called it quits and went home. I’d already taken and posted an enthusiastic gym-selfie when I arrived with my motivation still intact. To the world, I’d already been successful. Truth be told, internally, I was struggling to push through a massive wall of self-chatter.

Every ounce of me wanted to quit, I bargained with myself – finally deciding not to entertain quitting until the clock said I had five minutes left. For the next several minutes, I stared quitting in the face. I was reminded how easy it can be to give up based on what we feel or what we tell ourselves. In the end, the choice is ours. Do we quit or keep going? In those long minutes on the elliptical, I realized several things about quitting that I thought you might find helpful too. Oh, and by the way, I didn’t stop at 5 minutes. I finished my full workout.

3 Tips to Fuel Your Motivation:
Self-chatter is an extremely powerful force.

Self-chatter can push an athlete to finish an iron man competition, or it can cause someone to shrink on the couch and never realize their potential. How you talk to yourself matters! I would never tell a friend to quite with just 5 minutes left, so why would I allow me to tell myself that? It was only when I challenged my thoughts that I could push through them. What self-talk do you need to replace? If this is something you struggle with, I recommend the book “Crash the Chatterbox” by Steven Furtick.

Always remember your ‘why.’

When you set out towards a goal or you are trying to establish a new habit, ask yourself why? Write your why down. Tuck it close to your heart and keep it as a weapon for your internal chatter. My ‘why’ caused me to challenge my thoughts yesterday. I want to be healthy for my family and so that I have energy to pursue my goals. What is your ‘why’ in an area you struggle with? Michael Hyatt once said “When you’ve lost your why, you’ve lost your way.” Remember your why and stay the course.

It’s not about them, it’s about you.

No one would have noticed if I cut short my gym workout, but I would have known. Stretching ourselves, reaching towards our goals isn’t about what other people will notice, think, or say. Just because people don’t comment on your progress doesn’t mean you haven’t made any. Choose to continue to take the next step because it brings you closer to your goal, your dream, or your purpose. Encouragement from others is always appreciated, but don’t let that be the source of your motivation. Feedback is great, but don’t let it be your fuel. Find strength through your faith, dig deep, and learn how to push yourself when you feel like quitting.

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I’m taking what my experience at the gym taught me yesterday and applying it to other areas. This morning I spent time asking myself why in other areas that are important to me such as writing. Why do I write? I write because life is hard. We all struggle sometimes. I’ve had my share and I know you have too. We all have value. Friend, you are priceless.  If I can share from my journey, and encourage you on yours, then all of my time spent writing is well worth it!

Are you struggling with wanting to stop short in an area of your life? Do you feel like you’ve already dropped the ball? Or, are you hoping this year will be different? Whichever of these fit you, I hope that my Saturday gym experience leaves you empowered to talk yourself out of quitting when the journey gets hard. Press on friend! You’ve got this!

I’d love to hear from you. Click to join the conversation. And, if this has encouraged you, please share it with a friend. I bet they could use the encouragement too.

Looking for daily doses of encouragement? Why not join me on Instagram or Facebook? Or, if you’ve enjoyed this post, why not click to sign up for my weekly posts? When you do, you’ll get a free downloadable goal calendar for 2018 to help keep you motivated in the new year.

A few other posts you might enjoy:

The 3 Powerful Sentences You Need to Break Old Tapes
How a Pop Quiz Can Change Your Perspective on Self-Talk
Why We Procrastinate and What to do About It

 

The post When You Feel Like Quitting: 3 Tips to Fuel Your Motivation appeared first on Susan Call.