Kjerstin Gruys's Blog, page 5

Mirror Mirror Off the Wall Hit's Bookshelves TOMORROW!

I can't believe it's almost May 2nd.  Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall: How I learned to Love My Body by Not Looking at It for a Year  hit's bookshelves tomorrow! You can find it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books A Million, Indiebound, iTunes, and wherever books are sold. 



I have a few more announcements to come (hint: I'm packing up for a trip to NYC right now), but in the meantime please enjoy my just-released book trailer. 












I don't ask this very often, but TODAY - like, right now, before you forget! - is a great time for YOU to help spread the word about my work and the book. Sooo.....




Please share this trailer with your social network. 

Here's the link: http://vimeo.com/65209624

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"Your MIND Never Goes Out of Fashion" (Thanks to About-Face!)

My favorite city: 

San Francisco (CHECK!)




My favorite nonprofit organization: 

About-Face (CHECK!)




My favorite cause: 

Healthy Body Image (CHECK!)




So it should be of no great surprise that I LOVE this image. I hope it inspires you too . Happy Monday!

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Why I’m Breaking Up With The World’s Most Beautiful Woman: Gwyneth Paltrow Was My Thinspo

** TRIGGER WARNING **

Yesterday afternoon I was interviewed by a news reporter who is
interested in possibly reviewing my book, Mirror Mirror Off the Wall. I was nervous about the interview, partially
because being interviewed is always stressful, partially because it felt like a
“big deal” interview, and mostly because I was 10 minutes late. I hate being
late.






I think (hope!) I made up for my tardiness by being a
pleasant-enough person to speak with for an hour or so. I also think (hope!)
that the interview went well. Or, good enough, I should say. But a few
of the questions threw me for a loop. One, in particular, left me muttering
alternative answers to myself as I drove away.  




It wasn’t the question about my relationship with Sherry, my
mother-in-law (though I got a bit verschlempt when describing what it felt like
to worry that Sherry wouldn’t like me.) It also wasn’t the question that
started with, “So I found it interesting that you were so open about your sex
life in the book.” (I was!? Shit.) Nope, the question that left me almost
speechless was this one: “So you probably know that Gwyneth Paltrow was just
named the World’s Most Beautiful Woman by People Magazine. What do you think
about that?”






What did I think
about that?




The question was innocent enough, and certainly on topic,
considering the body-image theme of my book. But Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t just any
celebrity to me. She was my “thinspo” celebrity – my anorexic drug of choice – for
almost a decade. Hearing her name randomly pop up as the new “Worlds Most
Beautiful Woman!” felt like it might have felt if I’d been told that an epic-ex,
the he-who-shall-not-be-named kind of ex, was going to be the next Bachelor,
“didn’tcha know?”  It was a great
question, and I got through it with a generic “hate the beauty game, not the
players” kind of answer, but my head was spinning on the inside.




There are hundreds of female celebrities who are very thin
and stereotypically “beautiful,” but Gwynie was the one I became attached to,
almost 15 years ago. She was 25 and earning an Oscar; I was 15 and developing
an eating disorder. We were both pale-skinned natural blondes with thick straightish
hair. Sure, she had blue eyes and mine were brown, but I still imagined that
she was the gracefully thin girl living inside of my unruly and not-thin-enough
body, just waiting to come out.






A snapshot from my college "look book."
(Otherwise known as retro Pinterest.)

It wasn’t just her looks, but also her presence that so
captured me. I was frantic, anxious, and insecure; high-achieving, yes, but
never satisfied. I blurted out answers in class (very unladylike) and feared
that my appetite for food was insatiable and out-of-control. Gwyneth, in
contrast, seemed characterized by an aura of calm entitlement, i.e.,  the opposite of frantic insecurity. The pleasure
of being privileged in every possible way that a woman can be, and
feeling as though you deserve it.  This is
what I saw in Gwyneth Paltrow, and I wanted it for myself. (Never mind that by
most standards I am quite privileged, but I wanted her privileges too, those of great wealth, old-ish money, and extreme
slenderness – sans guilt.)






So I saw her every chance that I could. I tore out magazine
photographs of her and pasted them into my journals. I watched all of her
movies, starting with Se7en, The Pallbearer, and Emma. At first it could have
been any teenage girl’s celebrity worship, but when I started restricting food –
during the same year as Sliding Doors, Great Expectations, A Perfect Murder, and
Shakespeare in Love – my worship of Gwyneth’s graceful physical perfection
helped me get sicker, and helped me stay sick.






Well, I wouldn't be quite that harsh, but we kind of know you didn't mean this anyway, GP.

In 1999, when Gwyneth played Marge, the cultured and
unattainable fiancé character in The
Talented Mr. Ripley, I imagined an entirely different movie; one in which I
played a female version of Tom Ripley, managing to take over Marge’s privileged life. (Of course in
my movie I didn’t have to beat her to death with a boat oar to take her place; she just gracefully handed over her identity, saying that I
deserved it more than she did!) Funny, yes. But this fantasy was also a symptom
of darker times; I really wanted somebody else’s life. Gwyneth Paltrow’s
would have suited me just fine.






By the time The Royal Tenenbaums came out I was in therapy but
still struggling. I’d started to worry about my fascination with Gwyneth by
then. It had seemed so normal to want to be her, but suddenly I was getting
kidney stones and osteopenia, learning about feminism, and fighting to come to terms with the
fact that I was never ever (like, ever) going to look like GP.  So it was a godsend for her to finally play a
character who was weird, sexual, and somber, instead of pure and perfect. I had
renewed hope that I could take her with me into recovery.  So I had my hair cut into a Margot Tenenbaum
bob and kept going to therapy.




And then GP (in a fat suit) starred in Shallow
Hal, the movie that was supposed
to be about inner beauty, but instead had dozens of misogynistic fat jokes. The nice
women were all ugly and the mean women were all gorgeous. It ended with Jack
Black’s character heroically “accepting” the fact that the wonderful woman he’d
thought looked like Gwyneth Paltrow
was actually just a fat blonde chick who he was still in love with, but, like, bummer about the fat chick thing.




It pissed me off. A lot. So finally I gave up Gwynie. Cold turkey.




It was a clean break in the sense that I avoided seeing her,
but I never completely got over her, or what she meant to me. Gwyneth was the
“one who got away,” I couldn’t talk about because the loss was still painful.
But when she started talking about her extremely restrictive macrobiotic diet I
knew I’d made the right choice.




Since 2001, I’ve only seen three of Gwyneth Paltrow’s films:
Proof (which I loved, as I love most films that deal with mental illness), Iron
Man (which I didn’t realize she was in, but dealt with it with the bewilderment of running
into an ex at the grocery store), and Contagion (I loved the movie and felt
proud that I'd finally seen Gwyneth on film without having a strong emotional
reaction.)




The story should have ended there, but it didn’t. Gwyneth is
still all over the media, and has become quite the fashion maven with "Iconic Style." She’s become a fitness expert freak and a cookbook author. Oh, and she can sing! And
dance! She’s even a blogger. Bit-by-bit, this new (improved?!? MORE perfect?!) Gwynie slipped
back into my life.








It’s okay. I told
myself, I’m recovered now, and she’s just
so cool! It’s not thinspo anymore, just good old-fashioned inspo!




A year ago, on Day 314 of my no-mirrors project, I decided
to give myself Gwyneth Paltrow hair a few days before visiting family for the
holidays. It went disastrously. I guess GP doesn’t color her own hair from a $5
box of drugstore hair dye. (Shocking, I know.)




And a few weeks ago reality swooped in again, and I’m so, so
grateful.






$450,000!!!!!!

First I learned that she’d modeled several spring fashion “must
haves” on her website, and that the cost of purchasing all of them added up to
$450,000. This was not reality; it was comically absurd. Gwyneth had finally made a serious gaffe. That calm privilege was
certainly going strong, but I suddenly realized that I’d been worshiping
someone who is so privileged that she
was completely out of touch with reality. I guess I had been too.




Then she published her second cookbook, It’s All Good, and, let me tell you, it ain’t all good. It was like reading a manual for orthorexia: no
caffeine, alcohol, dairy, eggs, sugar, shellfish, deep-water fish, wheat, soy
or any processed foods. Now, I respect food allergies, intolerances, and
sensitivities; these are real things that cause a lot of discomfort, pain,
inconvenience, and ill health to those who can’t eat foods with common
ingredients. But this wasn’t touted as a cookbook for people who had to avoid these ingredients, but for
people who want to “LOOK GOOD and FEEL GREAT!” Note the order. There are more
pictures of Gwyneth in the book (usually eating, or contemplating eating), than images of food. As one author wrote: it
reads like “the manifesto of some sort of creepy healthy-girl sorority with
members who use beet juice rather than permanent marker to circle the ‘problem
areas’ on each other’s bodies.”



This creeped me out. I simply could not ignore a book like this. This was Shallow Hal but worse. So
Gwyneth had to go. Again. She was the the pair of skinny-jeans I hadn't been able to throw out, even though the mere thought of trying to fit into them made me feel bad about myself.




I literally penned a break-up letter in my journal. It was all like, “Dear
Gwyneth, It’s not you, it’s me. Well, actually, it’s me having a problem with
you.” There was profession of love lost, what she’d meant to me at
different times, and admitting that we never actually knew each other at all. It’s
funny how so many breakups end with these words. I apologized for objectifying
her for 15 years (because that’s what thinspo is, really), and accepted
responsibility for putting her on a pedestal she didn’t ask to be put on.
(Well, I’m not actually sure whether or not she likes being put on pedestals,
but you have to say some nice things in breakup letters. Karma and all that.).
Finally, I wished her health and happiness and said goodbye. "I'm sorry but just can't see you anymore."




So what do I really think of Gwyneth Paltrow being chosen as
“The World’s Most Beautiful Woman?” It makes weary. Mere days after I finally took
her off of my pedestal, she was hoisted onto another one, a bigger one. I admit
to being a little sick of GP right now, but I know that it’s the
pedestals, not the women on them, that are the problem.



But what do you think? 

Have any of you had to give up a thinspo celeb to be healthier and happier? 

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Science vs. Dove: Thanks, But We Are NOT Our Own Worst Beauty Critics...

So there's this new Dove 'Real Beauty Sketches' ad campaign, and I'm finally ready to say my piece about it. I watched the 3-minute version and felt emotions swelling in my chest. I liked this cathartic feeling, so I immediately watched the 6-minute version, which moved me to tears (they welled up in my eyes but didn't fall. I now think my tears knew better than I did...). My thoughts hadn't yet sorted themselves out, but my emotional reaction was pretty straight-forward; I'm pretty sure I reacted EXACTLY the way these videos were intended to make women feel: emotionally understood, connected to women-of-the-world, and grateful to Dove for taking the time to do something so, so nice, just because (they make a shit-ton of money and therefore) could.



But something nagged at my conscience. The video made me feel soooo flipping warm and fuzzy that I didn't trust it. I wanted to watch it over and over again, to revel in that bittersweet symphony, but instead avoided it like the plague Jennie Craig. Perhaps my contrarian skepticism stepped in, or maybe I just never got over the whole "real women" concept (read my last post on "real beauty" here).  I've given far too many About-Face media literacy workshops to allow myself to simply react to media without (over)analyzing both my reaction and the media itself.



My suspicions were validated when other body-image bloggers pointed out some major issues with the video. You can MUST read these thoughtful and passionate critiques here, here, and here. These essays rightfully describe the ad campaign as being a heck of a lot better than what we're used to seeing in the media, but still falling short of our vision for inclusive body-positivity, in which being physically "beautiful" or "ugly" (or "real," for that matter) doesn't determine women's paths in life, or feelings of self-worth. 



This is all serious stuff, but I've got another bone to pick.  Are the claims and assumptions characterizing this ad campaign scientifically supported? I'm a researcher; Show me your data, and I'll show you mine!


Below, I outline 4 science-y assumptions/claims that have been made in this campaign, along with my reasearch-y assessments.



I tried to find a version of this in which a woman taught a man, but nothing. :( 



1) "Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves to be beautiful."



Meet Dr. David Frederick!

Dove offers this statistic - a product of "company research" - in the paragraph explaining the video on youtube.  Okay, fair enough. I'm actually tempted to believe this number, purely based on semantics. You see, most body image researchers don't ask research subjects whether or not they consider themselves to be "beautiful." Why? Because "beautiful" is highly subjective (particularly if you're asking women "around the world" who may have different cultural understandings of beauty.)




I contacted my favorite body-image-expert and co-author, Dr. David Frederick (who was the friend who came up with "Mirror Mirror Off the Wall" as my blog title!). I asked him to share some of his latest research, from a 2013 paper titled Understanding body dissatisfaction: Social comparison, objectification, and sociocultural factors.  I asked him for insight on this 4% number. He offered the following:



"In a sample of over 24,000 men and women, we asked "how satisfied are you with your overall physical appearance?" using a 1-7 scale. (1 = very dissatisfied, 4 = neutral, 7 = very satisfied)" Here are the results:

28% of women are dissatisfied with their appearance.
15% of women are neutral about their appearance.
58% of women are satisfied with their appearance.

If you're wondering how 4% became 58%, it's, again, a matter of semantics. David explained, "There are studies that find most women want to change their weight, but this doesn't mean they necessarily are feeling 'dissatisfaction.'" If we follow the same logic for that 4% number we can imagine that even if 96% of women don't consider themselves to be beautiful, many still (gasp!) manage to be satisfied with their appearance. 



Dove: not wrong, but not quite right either. I'll let you decide!







2) Other people view us as more attractive than we view ourselves; "We are more beautiful than we think."

This statement incapsulates the entire "point" of the video, if it is possible to do so in one sentence. The sketch artist "social experiment" seemingly "proved" this statement to be true. But can the finding be generalized? Let's look at the numbers. I couldn't find one single study that answered this question, but have of several that, when combined, help give us the full picture.



In Dave's 24,000 person study, women ranked their own attractiveness on a scale of 1-10. In another large-sample study, participants were asked to rank the attractiveness of others, pictured in photos, using an almost identical measure of attractiveness (1-5 instead of 1-10). Here are the results, side-by-side






65% of women consider themselves to be "above average" 

32.5% of women were rated by others as "above average" 




25% of women consider themselves to be "average" 

52.1% of women are rated by others as "average"




10% of women consider themselves to be "below average"

15.4% of women are rated by others as "below average"



Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Even if we give some wiggle-room between these two studies, the pattern above suggests that our positive illusions lead us to view ourselves as more attractive than others view us. Does this mean we're all delusional? No, we're actually illusional. Psychologists use the term "positive illusion" to describe our tendency to view ourselves and the people closest to us as more spectacular than objective reality (if there is such a thing). Yes, this means that most of us believe ourselves to be above average in attractiveness (and intelligence, and kindness, and honesty), even though this is mathematically impossible. Yet, this also means that our romantic partners view us with similarly "positive" illusions (warm fuzzies again!). Oh, and another great concept, the "mere-exposure effect" predicts that the more time we spend with a person (i.e. "mere exposure"), the more we like that person. Thus, strangers are likely to view our looks more favorably simply by spending a few minutes chatting with us... kind of like the women who were asked to "get friendly with" the women whose portraits they were about to describe!



Dove blew it on this one. Big time. Which brings me to the next core assumption:



3) Dove's "social experiment" is experimentally sound.

No. Not in my opinion, at least. Why? I have a few reasons, but the major one is this: from what I could see from the videos, this social experiment was set up in such a way that the "findings" were almost certainly biased in favor of what they set out to prove. Here are three issues I noted (there may be more):



a) The "real women" being drawn seemed primed to provide negative statements about their bodies. For example, one woman was asked "if you could change anything about your looks, what would you change." She responded by saying "wow, I've never thought about this before..." before deciding she'd like fuller lips. Later, the same woman is asked to describe her chin and remarked "I guess I haven't really compared it to anyone else's chin...." before deciding that her chin stuck out too much. How might the results have been different if she had been asked to name their favorite features?



b) The presence of cameras and interviewers likely caused heightened feelings of self-awareness. This, in turn, would have increased the likelihood that the women participants acted in gender-conforming ways. In other words, the women being drawn were more likely to be properly self-deprecating ladies, and the women recalling the others' features would act like properly sweet and kind ladies. We were basically watching an over-dramatized version of plain old everyday fat talk discourse. Boooooring! (and predictable)



c) Finally, and most damning, the "real women" chosen to be drawn were reportedly selected based on fairly exacting criteria. Here are some choice phrases from the craigslist ad used to recruit them: "FLAWLESS SKIN, NO TATTOOS OR SCARS!" "FIT Not too Curvy Not too Athletic," "Beautiful HAIR & SKIN is a MUST!!!" "Well groomed and clean,"BEAUTIFUL ARMS AND LEGS AND FACE"   If this report is true, then the social experiment wasn't poorly planned, but strategically rigged. Want to make sure the women sketched won't be described as ugly? Pick "flawless" "real women" with "beautiful hair and skin." BRILLIANT!



(FYI - Dove has released a "blame the intern" cop-out by claiming that the craigslist ad "wasn't approved." In other words, the ad came from within Dove's walls, even though somebody is about to get fired for it!)



4) Women are their own worst beauty critics.



Seriously. Seriously?



OMG NO! THIS IS A BOGUS CRAPPY ANGERING LIE! Turn on the TV! Open a magazine! Watch a movie! Walk through a mall!  



We face a multi-billion dollar beauty industry that DEPENDS on women's insecurities. We don't come up with this insanity ourselves. There is nothing inherent to womanity that destines us for insecurities. Instead, we're force-fed it through the onslaught of media we encounter every single day of our lives.  



Hey Dove, do you still sell that cellulite cream that doesn't work? No? How about the "firming" body lotion, or that deodorant that reportedly reduces my "underarm dark spots"? Yeah. That's what I thought.



I'm still trying to figure out what all of these varying data points and interpretations mean for me. On the one hand, I think it's good news that so many women are satisfied with their bodies. And I also love knowing that positive illusions are probably boosting my husband's view of my attractiveness. Do I like the idea that I probably view myself more vainly than "reality"? I'm not sure! I know it's good to HAVE positive illusions about yourself, but is it good to know about them.  (Is this blog post going to make you wonderful readers feel more insecure about their bodies?!? Scary!) Does it matter if Dove's ad campaign is a biased social (non)experiment? I think it does matter (frankly, I feel suckered and resentful. That damn mood music!), but I'd rather see it replicated more scientifically, rather than dismissed. 



As much as I complain about Dove's "real women" campaigns, I think they do more good than harm. Yes, they reify ideologies that make women focus on their looks and buy more stuff, but nobody else is coming anywhere close to encouraging women to love their bodies, and certainly not  with as much energy or commitment. But I need to stop rambling...



What do YOU think of all this? 

What's more compelling to your psyche: scientific research or emotional experiences?

Tell my why you love/hate/tolerate Dove!

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How To: DIY Mirror Confrontation Therapy (Kate Upton & Sports Illustrated, Take Notes)

Mirror Confrontation: Like this, but with a full length mirror (flip-flops optional).
Thanks to MaleFeminist for posting this beautiful image!

Next in my series of Bodacious Body Image Activity Wednesdays is a DIY version of "Mirror Confrontation," a therapy exercise often used in eating disorder treatment. Some folks describe this activity as "Body Exposure," while others call it "Mirror Confrontation" therapy. I prefer "Mirror Confrontation," not only because this exercise helped me to confront mirrors again after my no-mirrors project ended, but also because "Body Exposure" sounds a tinge exhibitionist and makes me imagine freezing to death in Antarctica - stark naked, of course.  (Note to self: post my rant about Kate Upton's controversial Sports Illustrated photo-shoot in Antarctica some other day... Brrrrrr!)









The term "Body Exposure" reminds me of this Kate Upton SI cover. Don't get me started!

Anyway, mirror confrontation therapy is designed to help people confront the reality of their bodies, while reducing self-objectification. While all versions of this therapy involve standing in front of mirrors repeatedly and for prolonged periods of time, my DIY-able version involves some guided thinking; one must look into the mirror and describe his/her body as precisely and neutrally as possible, while carefully avoiding subjective and negative statements. 




Here is an example of a precise and neutral description: 

"I have straight blonde hair, brown eyes, and a mole under my right nostril." (all true!) 

"Oh, and I also have a rounded belly that sticks out a little bit." (true again.)

Here is an example of a subjective and negative statement:

"I am a big fat ugly unloveable loser." (see the difference?)

Over time, and with repetition, "mirror confrontation"will help you view your body - and the different parts of your body - as neutral facts rather than as subjective signifiers of your moral character and/or entire identity!





How would SHE/HE/IT describe your body?

TIPS

(1) SOMETIMES it helps to imagine yourself as a curious and judgment free child. Alternatively I like pretending that I am a space alien visiting Earth with abolutely no sense of cultural mores about attractiveness. (Oooh! Oooh! How about "curious and judgement free alien child"?? I digress...)




(2) IF a subjective and negative judgement pops into your head during this activity, write it down, followed by a neutral and precise statement you can use to challenge that thought the next time it shows up! (For bonus points, I like adding, "and who the hell cares anyway?!?" at the end of the neutral statements, i.e. "I have a rounded belly that sticks out a little bit and who the hell cares anyway?!?" Try it.)




Okay, so now go for it! 




Let me know what you think.

For those of you who try it once, would you do it again?

Anyone willing to share their notes?

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Were You Once a Bossy Little Girl? Quote of the Week From Sheryl Sandburg

I still haven't made it through (ahem, started!) Sandberg's book, Lean In, but it's already inspiring me! As a former "bossy" little girl, this quote resonates deeply. Please spread the message!









Were YOU a bossy little girl? 

What messages were you given from the grown-ups in your life?

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Call To Action: "Day Without Mirrors" Blogger Challenge!

I ended my year without mirrors just over 1 year ago, and on May 2nd, exactly 1 month from today Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall (MMOTW) will hit bookstore shelves. To celebrate the release and help spread the word, I'm proposing something fun and adventurous for all you other bloggers out there: 







a "Day Without Mirrors" Blogger Challenge




If YOU are a fellow bodacious blogger and this sounds remotely intriguing, here's what I want you to do:  

1) Contact me vi email ASAP to request an advanced copy of MMOTW. (Read it. Love it. Share it.)
2) Embark on your own "Day Without Mirrors." (C'mon you can do it! Just one day!)
3) Share your experience with your readers by posting about the challenge/the book during the week of May 6th.
4) (OPTIONAL) Host a book giveaway of MMOTW.

***Also, any bloggers who decide to not participate in the challenge can still request an advanced copy of Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall for review or coverage on your site. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the book!***







Alright blogging friends! 

Don't leave me hanging. 

Who's in?! 




(Oh, and is there anything - anything - you'd like ME to do as a complimentary challenge? It would only be fair.)

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My Disappointing Search for Body-Positive Adult Fiction (Help Wanted!)

"A girl learns that stories happen to 'beautiful' women, whether they are interesting or not. And, interesting or not, stories do not happen to women who are not 'beautiful.'"


- Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

I've begun a new quest! No, no, don't worry. It's nothing quite so personally disruptive as giving up mirrors for a year. Yet, in some ways, my new quest also has life-changing potential.  Here's the scoop: 



Who: Me.

What: Build a long list of body-positive adult nonfiction books, and read them all!

When: Now! This year! Forever! 

Where: Wherever books are sold (or, preferably, borrowed, exchanged, or given away for free!)

Why: Because before I was a writer, I was a reader. 



It kills me to know that I'll never be able to read every great fiction book in my lifetime, but - given this fact - I may as well start filtering out the stories that make me feel like shit about my body. I'm also perfectly willing to give up books that reinforce the idea (the MYTH) that "stories do not happen to women who aren not 'beautiful.'"



I'm SO SICK AND TIRED of reading books I've picked up specifically because they are rumored to have an amazing and complex female protagonist who doesn't fit mainstream beauty norms, only to find that the protagonist's happy ending only shows up after she loses weight or goes through some other sort of physical transformation. Of course, no writer has ever directly said "my character's life completely changed because she got that haircut!" No, they aren't that obvious. Instead, they show us that ugly duckling heroines who finally become swans, find happiness because of the confidence that comes along with becoming a swan. Yes, it is not beauty but confidence-brought-on-by-beauty that changes women's lives for the better. Ohhhh, right. I get it now; there any aren't other ways to build confidence other than by changing one's appearance! Anyway, you know what kind of books I'm talking about, the ones that teach us that, no matter how many good things we've got going on (exciting careers, fulfilling hobbies, loving relationships, pure dumb luck), our lives will only be as fabulous as our looks. 



Well screw that. It isn't even true. 



Zillions of REAL, LIVING, women have bodies that are ugly/plain/weird/fat/short/crazy-tall/hairy/big-footed/small-breasted/round-bellyed/crooked-toothed/frizzy-haired/etc., and yet they still manage to find gorgeous love, exciting careers, and generally fabulous lives. YOU are probably one of these women!



But where are the literary stories that share this truth? 







Great book series! Start here.

I refuse to believe that they aren't out there. I probably just haven't known where to look.  I've tried building a list of body-positive adult nonfiction.... and it's been really hard. So far I'm reading or re-reading some of the best from Jennifer Weiner, and have also tracked down a sweet mystery series written by Sue Ann Jafarian, in which the feisty sluethy heroine is a "never-married, middle-aged, plus-sized woman who makes no excuses for her weight." But that's about it. 



Instead, my searches on Google and on GoodReads.com have mostly landed on one of three not-quite-right categories:



(1) Lists featuring "books with plus-sized heroes/heroines" which are not, actually, body-positive, due to the fact that  in many of these books, fat/chubby/plus-sized characters find happiness only after weight-loss (such as Wally Lamb's She's Come Undone or Doug Crandell's  The Flawless Skin of Ugly People - which both happen to be amazing books with the exception of their subtle "get prettier then get happier" messages).











(2) Lists of body-positive young adult fiction (I mean, I loved Judy Blume's scoliotic Deenie, back in the day, but I want the grown-up version for my grown-up life!).  







Wow, this 1991 cover really brings back memories! You too?

(3) Lists of explicit erotica serving unique fetish readers. (I'm not knocking explicit erotica, but I'm waaayy to prudish to read this stuff on the bus, and I find appearance-based fetishes to be somewhat - errr... inherently - dehumanizing. I mean, check out the book covers below. Is it just me, or is this just a sexified version of the dehumanized "headless fatties" we're always seeing in the "scared-of-fat-mainstream-news-community?")







Headless Fattie Erotica: Exhibit A



Headless Fattie Erotica: Exhibit B

Sigh...




In other words, I haven't yet found an already-curated list of truly body-positive adult nonfiction. 



So, I'm making one. Can you help me? 



I need book recommendations. ANY fiction genre is welcomed. 



What are YOUR favorites? 

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Bodacious Body Image Wednesday: Seven Steps to Mindful Eating (of Chocolate)!

It's Bodacious Body Image Wednesday again, and do I have a (chocolatey) treat for you! This week's body image activity is an exercise in mindful eating.... of CHOCOLATE! What is mindful eating? Well... the New York Times did a great job exploring the concept in this article, but I'll try to boil it down to this quote from Psychology Today by Dr. Jan Chozen Bays (Zen teacher and author of Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering A Healthy and Joyful Relationship With Food ) :

Mindful eating involves paying full attention to the experience of eating and drinking, both inside and outside the body. We pay attention to the colors, smells, textures, flavors, temperatures, and even the sounds (crunch!) of our food. We pay attention to the experience of the body. Where in the body do we feel hunger? Where do we feel satisfaction? What does half-full feel like, or three quarters full?

Mindful eating - which is different from "intuitive eating" - focuses on taking sensuous pleasure in foods, and on the conscious engagement in all of your senses (except for your sense of guilt!). Mindful eating is the opposite of mindless eating (you know, the kind of eating that starts with a DVD and a box of Krispy Kremes and ends with .... a box). As someone who once had a love/hate relationship with food (Krispy Kreme glazed chocolate cake donuts in particular), I am grateful to mindful eating for teaching me to just. love. food. 




Mindful eating is awesome and 100% consistent with the 

"Definition of Normal Eating!"



I used to binge on a box of these, eating only the glazed exterior... yipes!



Through mindful eating I discovered that I don't even LIKE the slightly chemically flavor of Krispy Kreme doughnuts (it turns out that I much prefer the Passion Fruit Milk Chocolate pastries from Dynamo Donuts). Mindful eating helped me kick my "clean the plate even if you're stuffed" habit. It turned me into a sublime savorer, a moan-when-I-eat nosher, a best-hamburger-in-San-Franisco chaser, and the last person at the table to finish eating. This is a vast improvement from the girl who ate the exact same calorie-counted breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day during my freshman year of college (save for the donut binges).





Passion Fruit Glaze + Milk Chocolate Crumbles? OH YEAH! 



Mindful eating, like many Zen habits, is not learned overnight. Below is a beginner's lesson, step-by-step. The only supplies you'll need are: an open mind and a small piece of chocolate (a Hershey's kiss is a good size, though I'd upgrade to a higher quality chocolate if possible!) I am drawing from a lesson outlined in this Psychology Today article. (Modeling each step is my sister, Hanna, great lover of chocolate and the person who first introduced me to Califonia's abundant gastronomic culture.) Bon Appetite!






Steps to Mindfully Eating Chocolate:





1. Notice the weight of a piece of chocolate in your hand. Look at it closely.


Looks good to me! Swiss chocolate whoooeee!






2. Observe the shape and color. Use at least three words to describe it to yourself.

("Swiss!" "Red" and "Just the right size")



3. As you unwrap it, listen closely to the crinkle of the foil or paper.


"Crinkle"






4. Bring the chocolate up to your nose, and inhale deeply. Notice what thoughts come into your mind as you do this. The smell of chocolate can bring up some powerful feelings and memories. Deeply inhale.





Doesn't this image make you take a deep breath just from looking at it? Better go get yourself some chocolate!






5. Do any critical thoughts come up like, "I shouldn't eat this"? If so, let the thoughts come and go as if you are letting go of a balloon. 

(Hanna didn't have this problem!)




6. Place the chocolate in your mouth. Notice the flavor, richness, and texture. Pay attention to how the sensations change as it melts and molds to your mouth.  


Yeah, I know you're jealous! 






7. Follow the sensations as the chocolate slips down your throat into your stomach. 

(BTW isn't this video super cute? Half-way through, Hanna asked, "Can I have another bite??" Yes, of course you can!)













This is how you can eat chocolate mindfully. But don't forget - ANY food can (and should!) be eaten mindfully. Good luck!



Any chocolate lovers out there willing to give it a try and report back? How did it go?



What is YOUR favorite chocolate treat? 





P.S. - I'm a huge fan of these Equal Exchange Organic Panama Extra Dark Chocolate bars. I buy them  in bulk from Amazon.com so I never run out.  

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Greetings from Barcelona: TODAY Marks One Full Year Since I've Brought Mirrors Back Into My Life...

Greetings Friends! I'm in SPAIN!!

Exactly ONE YEAR AGO I was gearing up for my "First Look Party" AKA my Body Positive Bonanza, filled with friends, family, and my favorite Bay Area positive body image organizations: About-Face, Voluptuart, and activist extraordinaire, Marilyn Wann. It was an amazing night, perfectly end to a year of smeared makeup, lessons in trust, and ample self-discovery.  Life has been pretty great since my no-mirrors project ended. I'll save the details for you to read about in the book (out May 2nd!), but suffice it to say that I'm more secure about my body,  a better friend and partner, and generally happier that I was before the project. 



Anyhoo... I can't think of a cooler way to commemorate March 25th (which also happens to be my 4-year dating anniversary with Michael!), than by seeing THE FINAL HARDCOVER version of my forthcoming book, Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall (left). Oh, and it doesn't hurt that I'm currently in Barcelona, Spain, kicking off a week of vacation with my parents and siblings, Hanna and Peter. I only wish Michael could be here with us, but he's being sent to the Philippines, Australia, and New Zealand for work. (Yeah, I don't feel sorry for him either!)



Okay, that's all I've got for now. More soon. I can't wait to share this week's positive body image activity with you on Wednesday. Hint: in the spirit of my stay in Europe, CHOCOLATE will be involved!



PS - Have any of you been to Spain? It's my first time here and I'd LOVE recommendations for activities, sight-seeing, and dining!

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