Kjerstin Gruys's Blog, page 2

Dear KJ: My Parents Won’t Accept My Gender-Nonconforming Appearance

Jean asks: So I choose to not shave my legs and wear boy shorts and get disapproving looks and comments from my conservative parents. How do you suggest dealing with familial pressure on gender-conforming appearance? (Originally posted HERE)
First of all, I applaud you for experimenting with your appearance and self-presentation. It’s only through trial and error (and success!) that we develop a sense for what feels most authentic. It’s unfortunate that you and your parents don’t see eye-to-eye on your choice of clothing and grooming, but I’m optimistic that you can work through this with both your sense of self and your family relationships intact.Mainstream media images of beauty and style promote a narrow vision of what girls and women should look like in order to be stylish and attractive. Typically, the images we see present a very narrow range of body types (ultra-thin) and women are typically gender-conforming in their femininity. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with girls and women who happen to be ultra-thin and gender-conforming, but it’s highly problematic when the same images make up 99% of the women we see in mainstream media. With pressures like these, it can be hard to carve out a path of our own, one that allows us to feel comfortable in our own skin (and hair!).But what should we do when the style and appearance that make us feel most comfortable makes other people feel uncomfortable? My answer is to consider each situation in its own context. For example, if you were on the receiving end of disapproving looks or comments from your peers at school, I’d encourage you to stay the course (assuming you weren’t breaking any laws!), to try to not worry too much about what other people think, but to speak with your parents, a teacher or a counselor if you felt bullied. However, it’s a bit trickier when the disapproving parties are your parents (particularly if you still live with them, which I am assuming to be the case). In this case, you need to consider your need for self-expression in relation to your desire for a positive and respectful relationship with your parents.As a first step, find out what, exactly, is bothering your parents. Do they consider your appearance to be a sign of your respect (or disrespect) for them? Are they concerned that your fashion and grooming choices will cause you to be bullied or treated poorly by others? Are they worried that people in their social circles will judge them regarding your appearance? I can’t promise that your parents will be able to answer these questions, but it might be worth asking them and really listening to their concerns. Do everything in your power to stay calm during this conversation, even if you want to scream and stomp out of the room wearing combat boots! Listen more than you talk. Remind yourself that the conversation can continue at a later time, once you’ve given thought to what you’ve learned.Once you understand their motivations, you’ll have a better sense of whether it’s possible to navigate the terrain in a way that makes both parties happy. Maybe they simply need assurance that you’re happy with your appearance (parents sometimes assume that dressing differently is a sign that you’re depressed or struggling socially). Perhaps the solution will be to dress however you want most of the time, but you’ll agree to dress more conservatively for events involving their social circle. Maybe you’ll decide to dress more conservatively when you’re with your parents, but dress as you like when you’re with your friends (this is the good ole’ “change clothes once you get to school” approach). This may be the best of both worlds, but keep in mind that this could damage your parents’ trust in you if they find out.Of course, it’s entirely possible that they won’t be able to understand your perspective, and/or will refuse to accept your appearance. They might insist that you dress more conservatively and threaten to take away some of your privileges if you don’t comply. This will totally suck, and I’m sure you’ll start counting down the days until you’re able to start an adult life of living independently from your parents, when you’ll have complete freedom to dress and groom (or NOT groom) as your heart desires. I realize that being flexible with your appearance might feel like you aren’t being true to yourself, but I encourage you to consider that your sense of style will likely change many, many times across your lifespan, as you encounter new trends, innovate with new looks, as you enter new social spaces and as times change. In the meantime, even if you decide to dress in a way that “preserves the peace” at home, I truly hope you won’t shave your legs, or anything else, if you don’t want to. It’s one thing to change your outfit; it’s another thing to change your body. I hope your parents can respect that distinction.

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Introducing..... "Dear KJ"

Hi Everyone, 
I'm very excited to announce that I'm partnering with the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) and Proud2BMe with a Q&A advice column called "Dear KJ," for teens (and the adults who care about them) who have questions about body image, beauty politics, media literacy, eating disorder recovery, self-care, etc..

I've just finished my first month of answering weekly questions, which I've re-posted below in separate blog entries. (I'll be posting weekly from this point forward.) Sometimes writing about these issues from an academic perspective can feel a bit distant from the "real" world, so it feels great to be interacting with teens (and the adults who care about them!) more directly through this format. 



Please submit any questions you'd like me to answer in the comments below!

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Dear KJ: My Weight Fluctuates – Help!

Suzanne asks: What advice would you give to someone whose weight fluctuates? (First published HERE)It’s hard to know exactly what advice to give someone who is experiencing weight fluctuations without knowing more details, but here are some thoughts. First of all, our weight can fluctuate several pounds in just ONE DAY, simply due to how hydrated we are, how much salt we’ve had in our meals and how much food we have in our digestive system, among other things. Many women also experience weight fluctuations due to hormonal changes throughout the menstrual cycle.In all of these cases the weight gained or lost is mostly water and waste products that our body produces in its normal functions. These changes on the scale can happen pretty quickly, and they are totally normal. Sure, it might feel physically uncomfortable to wear tighter clothing when at the higher end of this natural weight range, but the solution here is simply to wear your “comfy pants” and get on with your day. I promise that no one except you can tell much of a difference between the highs and the lows.Alternatively, some people experience weight fluctuations due to increasing or decreasing muscle mass and/or to changes in how much fat tissue we hold in our bodies. Sometimes these changes are simply due to healthy physical maturation, as we have growth spurts and move through puberty and into adulthood. For girls, puberty brings with it increased fat tissue in certain areas of the body, including breast tissue, hips, thighs and stomach area.This, again, is usually normal, though it can feel alarming to find that your body has changed, seemingly overnight. Finally, weight can also fluctuate due to changes in diet and exercise, whether intentional or not. It’s a good idea to visit the doctor to check in about physical changes during adolescence, especially if you have questions about weight fluctuations.Our body generally lets us know when we’re at a healthy weight, because our weight will stabilize at a point in which we eat when hungry, stop when full and stay active (though you will still experience some of the ups and downs as I described in the first paragraph!). Sometimes our weight fluctuates because we are trying to weigh less than our bodies want us to weigh. Dieting and extreme exercise regimes can often lead to “yo-yo” dieting, in which we lose and gain weight again and again, in a nasty cycle of under-eating and over-eating. This is the type of weight cycling that is not normal, and is certainly not healthy. Whether it’s 5 pounds or 50, when we push our bodies outside of their healthy range of weights, our bodies don’t like it and fight to get back to where they belong.So how do we deal with this? First, accept that your body is supposed to fluctuate a bit, across the day and across months. Make sure to have clothes that fit you comfortably during your lower and higher weight days, and try to avoid getting too caught up in being a certain clothing size. I’ve developed the strategy of having 80% of my clothes fit me at my “average” weight, with 10% a size up and 10% a size down. This way I’m covered (literally!) across my whole size spectrum!If you are losing or gaining weight in greater extremes or if you find yourself trapped in a cycle of yo-yo dieting, it’s time to meet with your doctor and/or a therapist, who can help assess the situation more fully. 

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Dear KJ: How Can I Talk to Kids About Body Image?

Kristal asks: What would you say to a young child who compares herself to what she sees in media? (First published HERE)Dear Kristal, You are right to be concerned about this! Research has shown that when young and teen girls are exposed to media celebrating the “thin ideal” for women’s bodies—such as mainstream magazines, TV shows, and advertising—they experience increased body dissatisfaction, greater negative mood, higher levels of depression and lowered self-esteem. And these negative experiences aren’t limited to girls. Thanks to images of hyper-buff men in both media images and in “action figure” toys, 33-35% of boys aged 6-8 indicate their ideal body is thinner than their current body, and research further shows that boys exposed to hyper-sexual images of women may develop unrealistic expectations for romantic relationships with women. In other words, media matters. But what can we actually do to counteract the negative effects of exposure to unrealistic media images? After all, it’s practically impossible to prevent kids from seeing these images, and even if we could lock our kids in the house watching only re-runs of Free to Be You and Me until they’re 18, they’d enter the adult world ill-equipped to deal with the social world. It’s a tricky situation, but here are my suggestions.1) When kids start talking about media and comparing themselves to what they see, rather than simply disagreeing with them (e.g., “well that’s just not true!”) I encourage you to ask questions about what they’re seeing and how they’re thinking about what they see. What media are they viewing? Do they think the media is trying to send a particular message? What do they think of that message? Rather than being told what to think, asking questions encourages reflection and critical thinking. Also, try to avoid reinforcing unhealthy beliefs when talking about beauty. When a child comes to you distraught about not looking like what they see on TV, it’s tempting to say “well I think you’re beautiful!” or “don’t worry, you’re not fat!” but these types of statements, while soothing in the short term, ultimately reinforce the idea that it’s important to be beautiful and thin. I encourage you to instead celebrate the natural diversity of bodies in the world, of different shapes, sizes, colors, ages, etc.! Ask the child to think about all of the “real” people he or she knows and loves, and how different they all look. Reality is, after all, the best “reality check!”2) Find alternative media. Avoid media that perpetuates gendered stereotypes or unrealistic body image, and seek out alternatives. Peggy Orenstein, author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter, a fantastic book about the “pinkification” of girlhood, points out that when searching for media alternatives we will be most successful if we “fight fun with fun,” and includes a great list of toys, clothes and media designed for girls aged 3-9 on her website. There also great alternative resources for boys. For example, a good friend of mine wanted to share his lifelong adoration of comic books with his 3-year-old son, Owen, but wanted to avoid violence, sexism and unrealistic images of hyper-muscular men and hyper-sexual women. It took some online research, but he found some promising options and went to the comic book store ahead of time to scout out the situation before bringing Owen along for comic-book bonding time. Oh, and let’s not forget that designating toys and media as “just for girls” or “just for boys” reinforces gender stereotypes, so by all means, mix it up!3) Talk to your child’s school about including media literacy in their curriculum, whether through curriculum changes, by starting after-school clubs, or by bringing in workshops. A few great resources to learn more about this are about-face.org, commonsensemedia.org and therepresentationproject.com, which are organizations focused on media literacy. Finally, encourage your child to make his or her OWN media, by writing stories, drawing pictures, directing and starring in their own plays and (for older kids) using age-appropriate social media to share their media with the world. When kids create their own media they not only enjoy the power of writing (or rewriting) their own stories, but they also develop a more intuitive understanding of media as created rather than just appearing as some sort of "truth" about how things are or should be.Check out our Digital Media Literacy Toolkit for specific ways to challenge problematic media campaigns and advertisements!   

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Dear KJ: How Can I Take Care of My Body Without Depriving Myself?

Janice asks: I don't believe in diets but I sometimes want to attempt some version of one or restrict, which can be triggering. I am not sure how to find a balance. I want to take care of my body but I don't want to deprive myself. Any advice?We have something very important in common: I also don’t believe in diets. Well, to be more specific I don’t believe that diets work, at least in terms of long-term weight-loss, and tons of scientific research supports this fact. The weight-loss world is a $20+ billion dollar industry that completely depends on diets NOT working. I mean, think about it, if even ONE diet worked for most people, the weight-loss industry would crumble. We wouldn’t need a whole industry; we’d just need that one diet that actually worked. Too bad it doesn’t exist. Instead, literally thousands upon thousands of new weight-loss books and plans hit the shelves every year, all promising to unlock the secret of weight-loss, while accepting zero responsibility for failing 95% of the time, because it’s OUR fault for not having the “willpower” to eat nothing but cabbage soup for the rest of our lives! (BTW – Cabbage soup 24/7 is no life, and if the misery and crankiness didn’t kill your social life the flatulence certainly would!)OF COURSE we feel tempted at times to diet and restrict, especially if we have a history of disordered eating. We’ve been indoctrinated to believe that we can’t be beautiful, worthy or loveable unless we’re as thin as possible. We’ve been led to believe that food and our appetites are enemies we need to fight and that taking pleasure in our food isn’t feminine or sexy (unless, of course, for those ultra-thin-yet-busty B-list celebrities in hamburger commercials). We’ve been (incorrectly) taught that dieting to maintain an unnatural low is healthy (it’s not), even though dieting and poor body image are associated with all sorts of negative health outcomes. Worst of all, we’ve been taught that it’s okay to hate ourselves if we don’t look like Photoshopped models, and that it’s perfectly fine to be cruel and hateful to anyone who isn’t thin.Okay, okay, I’ll stop ranting. (Taking a few deep breaths…) Here are my suggestions:1) Get angry. I’m not ranting about all of this to lecture you, I’m writing it in hopes that you’ll get as righteously ticked off as I am at our bogus, miserable, greedy and dangerous diet industry. Why do I want you to feel anger towards the weight-loss industry? That’s simple: anger is more powerful than fear, and it’s often fear that drives our urges to restrict food and “dabble” in dieting in the first place. Fear of not being in control, fear of being rejected for not being “perfect,” fear of being bullied, etc. You seek balance? Perhaps you’re thinking of a balanced diet (more of that below), but I say balance your fears with anger. Anger literally saved my life. I suffered from an eating disorder, and I felt like I’d never climb out of it. One day I decided I’d rather be an angry activist than a terrified victim. Did I ever feel triggered to diet again? Of course I did, and I still do sometimes. But instead of hating myself or my body, I direct those feelings of anger and outrage outward, towards the political and economic forces that benefit when women and men hate themselves. Try it sometime.2) Find another outlet. Feeling triggered to diet or restrict is rarely about food, and almost always in relation to another stressor (or maybe dozens of them). Your first responsibility is to simply ask yourself, “What am I really feeling right now, and why?” Maybe this will come to you quickly (e.g., “I’m feeling anxious about school” or “I’m feeling frustrated about a relationship” or “I’m feeling upset about something that happened today”), but it might also elude you. Either way, if your first answer is “I’m feeling fat” I can tell you with complete certainty that “fat” is just psychobabble code for something else. Figure out what that is, and find another way to manage that feeling. I tend to feel better after talking to a friend or my sister, and if that doesn’t work I’ll write in my journal until I’ve exhausted myself.3) Develop a more balanced relationship with food. What does a balanced relationship with food even look like? I can tell you straight away that it doesn’t mean eating perfectly at every meal or snack, even if there were an objective measure of perfect eating. Rather, balance is more about flexibility and trust. This means giving yourself the flexibility to eat a variety of foods in response to your feelings of hunger or fullness, and also in response to what’s going on in your life (e.g., if you’re running out the door it might make more sense to eat an apple and a granola bar than a sit-down meal). It also means trusting your body to make up for occasional over-eating or under-eating. Trust, by the way, comes from practice not perfection, so start practicing trust. When I’m out of whack with this stuff my mantra is “fake it ‘til you make it,” which helps me behave with flexibility and kindness to myself, even when I’m not feeling it. Sometimes your mind can change your behaviors, but other times your behaviors can nudge your mind back into a good place. Try it. Practice trust.4) Seek treatment. Getting angry at the weight-loss industry, finding new outlets to manage triggering feelings, and practicing flexibility and trust are all awesome DIY approaches, but don’t hesitate to seek treatment with a therapist or physician who specializes in disordered eating if you’re still experiencing distress. 

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Dear KJ, What’s the Best Way to Overcome Emotional Eating?

Debbie asks: What’s the best way to overcome emotional eating? (first posted HERE) Sometimes, after a rough day, scarfing down some deep-dish pizza until I’m in a “food coma” seems like the only way to quiet my mind. If I haven’t gotten enough sleep, cookies (or maybe a cold slice of that leftover pizza!) might seem like the breakfast of champions. The truth is that almost everyone occasionally eats/overeats in response to feelings of stress, anxiety or anger (or even joy and excitement), rather than out of hunger. Doing this occasionally is probably not worth beating yourself up about, but if you find yourself feeling “out of control” or miserable around food then it’s time to seek help.Here are a few things you may find helpful:1) Remind yourself that emotional eating doesn’t make you a bad person, it only makes you human. After all, humans evolved to crave high-calorie foods as a way to guarantee survival during stressful times when food was scarce. To make sure we don’t ignore or waste food, our bodies release “feel-good” chemicals, like dopamine, so that we feel pleasure in response to eating. These days our stress is not usually caused by food scarcity (unless, of course, you’re under-eating), but our bodies don’t necessarily know the difference. In other words, some aspects of emotional eating are built into our biology. Of course we have some control over how we manage stress, and how we respond when we do experience cravings, but feeling excessive guilt over something that your body is programmed to do just adds to the stress. When emotional eating happens, do pay attention to the circumstances leading up to it, but you should also try to forgive yourself and move forward, self-esteem intact!2) Try to distinguish between hunger and emotional cravings. Our cultural environment can muddle up our hunger signals even more than the biology of stress. Nonstop food and restaurant advertisements send us thousands of mixed messages about what to eat and how, while a billion-dollar diet industry keeps us thinking that our perfect life is just X pounds away. This culture tells us there are “good foods” and “bad foods,” which makes every meal a high-stakes test of self-control. Screw that! That kind of black-and-white thinking is exactly what can turn a small serving of yummy ice cream into a “now that I’ve eaten this ‘bad food’ I may as well eat it all” binge session. But food isn’t the enemy, it’s our relationship with it that causes trouble.If your stomach is growling and you haven’t eaten for hours it’s fair to assume that you’re experiencing biological hunger. However, sometimes neither of these things are true, but we still really feel like eating. What should we do then? I try to ask myself “what, exactly, am I hungry for?” If I could feel satisfied eating a variety of foods, I’m probably in need of a snack. However, if my answer is something along the lines of “PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA!!!! AND NOTHING ELSE WILL DO!” I try to take a step back and check in with how I’m feeling, emotionally. Simply recognizing that I’m craving food because of my emotional state is often enough for me to redirect myself. Instead of ordering that pizza I might call a friend to talk about my day, goof around with my dogs, go for a walk or jog or write in my journal. Or, I might decide to…just eat the pizza and get on with my life.Yes, you read that correctly: sometimes I make an intentional decision to eat “emotionally.”  But, here’s how I do it in a way that works for me: I make sure to eat slowly and enjoy every single delicious bite.3) Go ahead and eat that food you’ve been craving…but slow down, be mindful and ENJOY it!Trying new dishes and savoring my favorite “comfort” foods is one of the greatest pleasures I enjoy in my life. But, for a long time, this enjoyment of food made me miserable. I spent almost a decade, in my teens and early 20s, fighting my appetite with rigid rules about “good foods” and “bad foods,” afraid that if I let myself enjoy food I’d lose control. After a lot of therapy and time practicing new behaviors and thoughts, I finally accepted that my black-and-white thinking was stealing both my health and my happiness. So I made a deal with myself. I gave myself permission to eat any food I craved, even if I knew that it was an emotional craving, as long as I ate it slowly enough to really savor it. I forced myself to chew each bite completely and swallow it before taking another bite. I deliberately considered my food using each of my senses, one by one. How does it look? What does it sound like to take a bite and chew this food? How does it smell? How does its texture feel in my mouth? And, of course, how does it taste?Food isn’t the enemy; it’s our relationship with food that causes trouble. Slowing down to savor each bite completely changed my relationship with food and my own appetite. I quickly learned that eating super-rich food at every meal and snack doesn’t feel great to my body (heartburn anyone?!), and I also learned that it IS possible to grow tired of chocolate. I realized that I didn’t even LIKE some of my go-to “comfort” foods (this blew my mind!).  By eating more slowly I gave my body the chance to let me know before I became uncomfortably full.  Lastly, by intentionally savoring my food and eating it mindfully I actually get to experience the “escape” from life’s chaos that I really crave.This approach helped me tremendously, but I couldn’t have gotten there without the help of several fantastic therapists and the support of my friends and family. If emotional eating is causing distress in your life, it’s important to bring up your concerns with your doctor, and I also encourage you to reach out to an adult you feel comfortable with (a parent, teacher, school counselor, coach, etc.). Ideally, your doctor and/or the other awesome adults in your life can help you connect with a counselor or therapist experienced in treating people with eating disorders/disordered eating. The experience of emotional eating is different for everybody, and a specialist will be most equipped to help you identify patterns in your thinking and behavior and to develop alternative strategies for managing your emotions.

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Beyond “Bossy” or “Brilliant”?: Gender Bias in Student Evaluations

By: Tristan Bridges, Kjerstin Gruys, Christin Munsch and C.J. Pascoe

Originally posted at Girl W/ Pen!

Not surprisingly, the new interactive chart Gendered Language in Teacher Reviews, drawn from RateMyProfessor.com (produced by Ben Schmidt—a history professor at Northeastern), has been the subject of a lot of conversation among sociologists, especially those of us who study gender. For example, it reminded C.J. of an ongoing conversation she and a former Colorado College colleague repeatedly had about teaching evaluations. Comparing his evaluations to C.J.’s, he noted that students would criticize C.J. for the same teaching practices and behaviors that seemed to earn him praise: being tough, while caring about learning.


We’ve long known that student evaluations of teaching are biased. A recent experiment made headlines when Adam Driscoll and Andrea Hunt found that professors teaching online received dramatically different evaluation scores depending upon whether students thought the professor was a man or a woman; students rated male-identified instructors significantly higher than female identified instructors, regardless of the instructor’s actual gender. Schmidt’s interactive chart provides a bit more information about exactly whatstudents are saying when evaluating their professors in gendered ways. Thus far, most commentaries have focused on the fact that men are more likely to be seen as “geniuses,” “brilliant,” and “funny,” while women, as C.J. discovered, are more likely to be seen as “bossy,” “mean,” “pushy.” These discrepancies are important, but in this post, we’ve used the tool to shed light on some forms of gendered workplace inequality that have received less attention: (1) comments concerning physical appearance, (2) comments related to messiness and organization, and (3) comments related to emotional (as opposed to intellectual) work performed by professors. Physical Appearance The results from Schmidt’s chart are not universally “bad” or “worse” for women. For instance, the results for students referring to professors as “hot” and “attractive” are actually mixed. Further, in some fields of study, women are more likely to receive “positive” appearance-based evaluations while, in other fields, men are more likely to receive these evaluations. A closer examination, however, reveals an interesting pattern. Here is a list of the fields in which womenare more likely to be referred to as “hot” or “attractive”: Criminal Justice, Engineering, Political Science, Business, Computer Science, Physics, Economics, and Accounting. And here is a list of fields in which men are more likely to receive these evaluations: Philosophy, English, Anthropology, Fine Arts, Languages, and Sociology. Notice anything suspicious? Men are sexualized when they teach in fields culturally associated with “femininity” and women are sexualized when they teach in fields culturally associated with “masculinity.” Part of this is certainly due to gender segregation in fields of study. There are simply more men in engineering and physics courses. Assuming most students are heterosexual, women teaching in these fields might be more likely to be objectified. Similarly, men teaching in female-dominated fields have a higher likelihood of being evaluated as “hot” because there are more women there to evaluate them. (For more on this, see Philip Cohen’s breakdown of gender segregation in college majors.)Nonetheless, it is important to note that sexual objectification works differently when it’s aimed at men versus women. Women, but not men, are systematically sexualized in ways that work to symbolically undermine their authority. (This is why “mothers,” “mature,” “boss,” and “teacher” are among men’s top category searches on many online pornography sites.) And, women are more harshly criticized for failing to meet normative appearance expectations. Schmidt’s chart lends support to this interpretation as women professors are also almost universally more likely to be referred to as “ugly,” “hideous,” and “nasty.” Level of (Dis)Organization Christin and Kjerstin are beginning a new research project designed to evaluate whether students assess disorganized or “absent-minded” professors (e.g., messy offices, chalk on their clothing, disheveled appearances) differently depending on gender. Schmidt’s interactive chart foreshadows what they might find. Consider the following: women are more likely to be described as “unprepared,” “late,” and “scattered.” These are characteristics we teach little girls to avoid, while urging them to be prepared, organized, and neat. (Case in point: Karin Martin’s research on gender and bodies in preschool shows that boys’ bodies are less disciplined than girls’.) In short, we hold men and women to different organizational and self-presentation standards. Consequently, women, but not men, are held accountable when they are perceived to be unprepared or messy. Emphasizing this greater scrutiny of women’s organization and professionalism is the finding that women are more likely than men to be described as either“professional” or “unprofessional,” and either “organized” or “disorganized.” Emotional Labor Finally, emotional (rather than intellectual) terms are used more often in women’s evaluations than men’s. Whether mean, kind, caring or rude, students are more likely to comment on these qualities when women are the ones doing the teaching. When women professors receive praise for being “caring,” “compassionate,” “nice,” and “understanding,” this is also a not-so-subtle way of telling them that they should exhibit these qualities. Thus, men may receive fewer comments related to this type of emotion work because students do not expect them to be doing it in the first place. But this emotional work isn’t just “more” work, it’s impossible work because of the competence/likeability tradeoff women face.There are all sorts of things that are left out of this quick and dirty analysis (

Body Image Inspiration from Home Renovations & Artist Carol Rossetti.

Badass inspiring artwork above, by Brazilian graphic artist Carol RossettiGood morning everyone! I can't help but be joyful today because (1) Autumn - my favorite season - is finally in full swing here in San Francisco (I wore TIGHTS last week and ate OATMEAL for breakfast this morning!), and (2) I just spent an entire 3-day weekend sweating through home renovations. Yes, I realize "scrape off popcorn crap from ceiling" isn't at the top of most people's "super fun" list, but I LOVE sprucing things up and making them more functional and beautiful. Feathering the nest turns a house (or apartment) into a home.

There's a meditative quality to the way that the physical work of renovating distracts my mind from its usual to-do list cycling; in an uncrowded mind, new ideas and thoughts have space to emerge and be noticed. This happened yesterday. I contemplated my love for "home improvement" last night while sweatily tearing up base-boards with a crowbar, and it suddenly occurred to me that I used to reserve this kind of time, energy, and passion for various "self-improvement" projects, instead.

Before: My house, yesterday afternoon. Beloved chaos with "potential."
After?: Still TBDThe creative energy I now put toward home renovations used to be fully spent by my body and beauty obsessions. Two hours spent putting a fresh coat of paint on the walls used to be two hours researching, sampling, and buy "miracle" makeup or anti-aging treatments. Thirty minutes of rearranging furniture used to be thirty minutes of trying on different outfits each day, until I found something I liked "enough."  Hours spent pulling up old carpet used to be hours spent each month tweezing, plucking, waxing, and shaving various part of my body; I now put "shave legs and pits" on my calendar for the 1st of each month, and I haven't been arrested by the fashion police yet! (The Carol Rossetti artwork I posted at the top of this post is gorgeously inspiring to my newfound razor-minimalism.)

Anyway... these days I still enjoy my makeup/fashion/beauty routines, but I've changed them so that they take up a lot less time and so that they feel more like creativity and self-care, than "required-before-I-can-leave-the-house." Speaking of leaving the house, once I'm done with all of these renovation projects - including a TBD fabulous home-office revamp - I'm not sure I"ll ever want to!

So now I'll ask you: where do you spend most of your creative energy?  Is this where you want to be spending it? 

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Inspired by Yoko Ono's "Mirror Piece" Poem

I'm no expert in poetry, but I do know what it feels like when writing resonates in the soul, when I consider a creative work and somehow feel more known, more centered, and more connected to the world.

Yoko Ono's 1964 poem "Mirror Piece" has that effect on me. It will forever be pinned on my inspiration board! I hope it inspires you too.


Does anyone know more about the context or history of this poem? I'm hungry for some knowledge!
PS - Thanks, Tessa, for sending this to me!

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Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall Book Reading @ Books Inc. Opera Plaza - July 10th, 7pm

Looking for something to do tonight (7/10/14)? Join me at Books Inc., Opera Plaza, for a book reading of Mirror Mirror, Off the Wall. Sponsored by About-Face, 15% of ALL book sales (not just MMOTW) will benefit their programs to help girls build healthy body image and self-esteem. Hope to see you there! Here's the scoop:Kjerstin Gruys, author of Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall: How I Learned to Love My Body by Not Looking at It for a YearThursday, July 10, 20147pm to 9pmBooks Inc. Opera Plaza,
601 Van Ness Ave., San Francisco see map below About-Face is proud to co-sponsor a special book reading and benefit with Books Inc. Opera Plaza featuring author Kjerstin Gruys. A former market researcher and merchant in the fashion industry plus recent Ph.D. graduate from the Department of Sociology at UCLA, Kjerstin shares Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall: How I Learned to Love My Body by Not Looking at It for a Year. Part memoir, part women’s studies, Kjerstin’s observations offer an important look at body image and how women view themselves with society’s standards in mind.Please join us for the chance to meet the author, hear a wonderful book reading, and enjoy the opportunity to have your copy of Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall signed! Copies of the book will be available for sale during the event, so please consider purchasing your copy and gift copies at the event (amongst other book shopping) to support your local Books Inc. store and About-Face.During the event, Books Inc. will donate 15% of ALL book sales (not just sales of Mirror Mirror Off the Wall) to About-Face.Admission is free for this event, and parking is available in the building.Note for parents: This event is appropriate for adults, pre-teens, and teens, too!RSVPs appreciated but not necessary. Click here to RSVP.>> Read more here about Kjerstin Gruys and her writing.
Map of event location: