Lara Vesta's Blog, page 16

Arrival

After a year of writing and nearly another of editing and publication, I'm proud to announce the arrival of The Moon Divas Guidebook: Spirited Self-Care for Women in Transition. The next few weeks will bring the book into all of the major online retailers and this site. If you can't stand the wait, you can order a copy from Inkwater Press right now (inkwater press.com).

I am planning to celebrate this release with a special event and several upcoming opportunities for community, creation and self-care. Big love to all who supported this process and believed in this work. May it honor you all. xoxo!

To Your Health

From wonder into wonder existence opens. 
--Lao Tzu 

The weeks of intensity may be past.  I keep peeking around the corner, waiting for residuals.  The straggling deadline I let slip, the meeting I forgot.  So far it appears all is well and I may safely speak in past tense: 
 I taught a workshop (yay!) while parenting both my children (no child care at the last minute...my eleven year old son the champion of the month for his patience with four hours of seasonal self-care for women and girls).  I finished my business plan and submitted the thirty-five page document for review.  It has, ahem, financials.  I revised the final sections of The Moon Divas Guidebook and am waiting on one last printer proof before the release.   I socialized with my best friend visiting from Big Sur, hosted my parents for the weekend, strategized with my husband and attended all three open houses for our children (three different nights!).

I've been pushing hard in the past weeks, stretched by more personal and professional demands than I've encountered in a long time.  And I didn't get sick.

Which is a miracle, second only to this sunny stretch of Northwest fall days.  Since 2009, I've been sick.  Sick in a subtle way that was obvious to me, but hidden from most.   I was tired all of the time, going to bed at 8pm, waking up at 7am, still tired.  I was too tired to go out, ever, too tired for friends, too tired for travel.  Every additional obligation would send me into a tailspin of illness.  I caught every virus my students brought into the classroom.  Not a week went by without a cold or fever.  

I could be fine, but only if I was resting.  I needed rest all the time.  Um, I mentioned I have three kids and work full time.  Rest?  When do we, any of us, ever rest?

Lots of people, even those who love me and know me well, who know my history of really good health, suggested in ways both covert and overt that I was being dramatic.  Or aging.  Or that my fatigue was psychological.  I did become depressed.  Who wouldn't?  I barely had energy for my necessary obligations.  There was little left for the joy.  

This is a photo from the start of my Celebrant program last fall.  I don't look sick.  But I was, deeply, ill.   The rest of the story is blessedly simple:  I finally made it through several doctors and lots of tests before we discovered the endometritis, a uterine infection, caused by an ill-fated nine months with a copper IUD.  For three years my immune system fought an infection that never left its place of origin.  It didn't spread, mutate or scar.  I am so grateful for the work of my body and only wish I had sought treatment sooner.  A ten day run of two antibiotics and the infection was gone.   

Here is my lesson:  There WAS something wrong with me.  I wasn't just depressed, aging, tired or dramatic.  I was sick.  It feels so good to be able to acknowledge that.


Now I am well. Being ill makes every day of health a miracle.   Here I am with my sisters this summer, feeling strong.
"...we develop an appetite for the sweetness that is possible in this world. A miracle worker is not geared toward fighting the world that is, but toward creating the world that could be. "
---Marianne Williamson 

So many things of this culture conspire to keep us from our health, from the essential nature of our bodies.  Even well I'm still learning about my body, my energy, my limits, the value of resting when I need to rest.

I'm discovering a world where I love my body.  It's world inhabited by so many inspiring women.  In a week I'll be posting some new offerings and opportunities in line with this weaving.  I hope you'll join me.  Until then, I'll raise my glass again and again in the shortening days:  To health.

Equinox

Interesting days.  The equinox tomorrow is on a half moon in Libra, a triad of reminders toward balance.  Which isn't easy, as it turns out.  

Tomorrow is Love Your Story, the first PDX workshop I've offered.  And it's filled, which is amazing.  I honestly can't wait to circle with this community.

We've had a turbulent week in our household.  It's been part joy--I've published a story and been asked to teach in a broader venue (more on these later), my daughter turned nine yesterday and I'm feeling this radiant moment of her childhood unfold.  It is beautiful to witness.

But sorrow too has visited our house.  An extremely painful and unexpected death in my husband's family, my ninety year old grandmother hospitalized, throwing many supports for this weekend into arrears.  Yesterday I was fighting panic, on the phone for hours, trying to negotiate solutions for issues too numerous to name.

Last Thursday there was a screech owl in our backyard.  We were alerted to its presence by the blue jays.  Who called the crows.  Who notified the chickadees and sparrows.  Even the hummingbirds swooped in, all harassing the owl with calls of predator.  The owl's response?  To hunker down.  It sat in one place, still as can be, great yellow eyes open as daylight came fully in.  Eventually the birds settled.  The owl slept the day in our neighbor's plum tree, and occasionally a bird or two returned, taking up the call of warning.  At dusk, the owl flew.

I've thought about this owl a lot in the past week.  I've told its story to a few friends.  My favorite oracular interpretation comes from Shane, my stellar VT intern and mystic.  He spoke to the lesson of stillness in chaos, of not letting the calls of those around you to discharge you from your perch.  We balance there through grace, not force, through peace, not reaction.

So I'm breathing steady, knowing while I can't do as much as I wanted to for the women of Love Your Story, I can offer a place of stillness and rest, a place to balance our inner light at this seasonal turning.

Happy Equinox.

Love Your Story

An offering for you!  If you live in or around Portland, you are invited to spend the equinox with us.  This is my first Love Your Story offering in the area, and the intent is to make the gatherings quarterly to build community and share the seasons.

You can register on this page or by calling me at 541.514.4379.  Registration is necessary so I know how much food to make, and if you send me an email I will reply with a welcome letter next week.  All snacks and supplies are included. 

Also, I have a mystery guest who just confirmed and my daughter, who will be nine on the 20th, and mother will both be attending.  Bring your generations, your children and your friends.  All are welcome!

Proof

Of a mystical enchanted creature?
Nah.  But I wrote a book.  A whole one.  For real.  And that feels pretty unbelievable right about now.

On Thursday I received the galley proofs for the Moon Divas Guidebook.  I couldn't open them.  No, the file uploaded just fine, but there is something about this part of the process that I'm finding especially terrifying.

Which is funny because I love this book.  I believe in this book.  It is the synthesis of my work over many years with many women.  It is an artistic expression that aligns with all I believe, with who I am as a person.  Writing this book saw me out of five years of major life transitions, desperate instability, chronic illness and a soul shattering depression caused by stress, grief and lack of support.  This book healed me. (I am here reminded of Albert Goldbarth's poem, Library, which is a must read for all who love and believe in the power of books.)

Can you see why I might be reluctant to release it?  It is really different from most things in the publishing world.  It is imperfect, raw.  It is not an expression of my MFA education (though I couldn't have written it without going through that program), nor an extension of my professional aspirations.  It is an offering.  What I wish I could have encountered at some point.  It is what I love--art, earth alignment, spirituality, connectivity, women's stories, recipes and community.  It is part of me.

The decision to open the proofs took me a day and a half.  To enjoy the last week of summer with my children.  To hike, eat sun-warm tomatoes, rest in the grass and dream.  On a late evening walk, in a particularly spaced out moment I encountered a stone at my feet.  It read, "believe."

And because I believe this huge mystery is co-creative, I opened the file when I came home.
The short end of the story is that this process reminds me a lot of birth.  And if you are familiar with birth your may know the stage called transition, where the door is fully open and it's time to push that baby into being.  

And here we go.  
May possibility prevail.  May wonder never cease.

Urban Corn vs Business Plan

This time of year the garden is commanding. Ten foot high sunflowers, corn ripening, beans, tomatoes, squash lolling like orangy moons. I crave color, asters and echinacea, simple rhythm, grounding.

At the same time the harvest rolls in, I've been planting seeds, writing the third draft of my business plan. They aren't as dissonant as I had imagined, business plans and gardens. Both require careful planning, an investment of time and energy, education and reinvention.

As I bask in the work and parallel, I'll offer some late summer images, a few recipes and new endeavors in the coming week. Enjoy these long gold and lovely days--

A Certain Quality

New thingsI  Updates!

First, stepping back these past few weeks has been illuminating.  I am in the process of building my business plan, deeply articulating my intentions for VT, accessing funding, crafting promotional materials.  You may notice a logo on the site now?  Yes, and I thank fellow Celebrant Melissa Coe for opening my eyes to the possibilities of this profession.

I have received a publication date of October 8th for the Moon Divas Guidebook!  The last month was a flurry of corrections and edits.  Which, in a handwritten book is no mean feat.  I keep reminding myself of all the reasons why this medium may be more challenging than necessary...then I up and start a new project (ever the glutton) in the same genre.  Hint:  the lovely lady above is part of this new inspiration...

The next few weeks are full to blooming with these processes and it may continue to be quiet on this site.  But September 1st I'll be back in action, launching into autumn with the Love Your Story Self-Care Series and Independent Study Course.  If you are in PDX on the autumn equinox I hope you'll join me for a day of creation, community and seasonal fun at People's Co-Op.  My daughter, my mother and my dear friend Deva Munay will be attending and it's an open invite for all.  Bring your friends!  Please register here so I know how much food to bring.

September also promises the first edition of Open Flame, the VT monthly newsletter where I collect my favorite transformation resources, interviews and links and pass them on to you.  You can sign up for the email list here to receive your free copy.

What else?  I have an intern to introduce, an event to co-host and a guest blogging experience in a new venue!

What are your intentions for the upcoming season?  I wish you slow and easeful days into the change.
xo--