Lara Vesta's Blog, page 11

Yes, Answered

Many of you already know the story of my past year.  A brief recap:

In July of 2013 my family was displaced from our home.  We relocated to an apartment on the edge of Portland.  It was affordable, peaceful, beautiful, and really too small for our blended family of five but we each only had our children in the home half of the time, so it worked.  It was also supposed to be temporary.  We planned to move before Christmas.

Then... (I'm sorry for the ellipses, there is just too much to tell, too many changes and conflicts and storms) and by January all three of our children were in the home full time, we were commuting two hours a day to and from schools for the girls, and I had stopped working to tend to all the transitions which included homeschooling my son.  

A return to a home, to a neighborhood in proximity to school was foremost in our minds.  But housing in Portland is extremely competitive and we were rejected many times:  too many kids, too many cats, only one income.

I would end each homeschooling day around 2:00 and drive to pick up our girls across town, taking a half an hour for a walk through the neighborhoods around their school, yearning, yearning, yearning to be rooted again.

and then. One day as I walked, I prayed.  A giantess prayer, reaching out with my whole heart.

Please.  Tell me it will get better.
Please.  Show me a sign.
Please.

We were beleaguered, so burdened by constant trial between each of our former spouses, in the lives of our children.  Our family was isolated by circumstance, stretched to the bone, and although we were supported by our faraway families and network of friends, we were ultimately largely alone in our struggles:  physically, mentally, financially.

That day as I prayed for a sign in the middle of a lovely street I saw two things:

One, a literal sign:  Smith Coaching affixed to the back of a car.

When the universe gives me a blatant sign, I pay attention.  When I saw Smith Coaching I thought, "Maybe this is a life coach, someone who can help me make sense of all this or give me tools to move forward."

The second thing I saw was a beautiful house.  And the emotion welling in me came to the fore spilling over in tears as I though:  I want this.  I want to live in this neighborhood in a house like that, and feel abundant.

My prayer ended with please and thank you, my walk ended as I picked up the girls from school and drove in afternoon traffic back to the apartment. Three strange things about our apartment living:

No yard.
No compost.
Everyone keeps to themselves.

I've never lived in an apartment before.  I'm used to earth, gardens, space between neighbors with the intention of connection.  Our cats were confined inside for the first time ever, our kids had a difficult time figuring out how to play when everywhere they went outside they were witnessed.  It wasn't bad.  It was different, and challenging at a time where we were already challenged.

We called it the year of adventure. After returning home from my prayer walk I looked up Smith Coaching, my sign from the universe.  But it was an athletic coaching company, and I am strong and healthy but not an athlete.  I gave a big sigh, and forgot about it.

But I kept to my daily practice, my daily prayers, which were not ever, by the way, "please give me a big house."

My prayers are always this:  I call to you in gratitude spirits of this place, ancestors, guardians and guides, goddesses and gods, and I ask you for your aid.  I am releasing the patterns that no longer serve me.  I am embracing new habits in their stead.  Be with me as I do this work, be with me as I begin.  

Lather, rinse, repeat with a whole and open heart each day.
A timeline of miracles:

In June I returned to work.  I love my work!  I love working one on one with people growing or living their dreams.  I love making money and using my creative skills, building nets and weaving webs.  I love writing and I love creating, with others and alone.  This is the first miracle, after a year of full-time intensive family focus, I've returned to the work I love.

In July, a full year of adventure later, I ritually released any expectation that we would find a house.  But I kept scrying (thank you, Marguerite) craigslist, and told my husband that if we were to move it would be to simplify and support our lives.  We had three needs:  four bedrooms (our daughters are step siblings and were sharing a room, creating lots of tension between them), close to school, with enough space for our growing family to live comfortably.  The second miracle is not external.  It is that I accepted where I was and instead of fighting fate I let go.  At the same time I created standards and insisted that we keep them.

Our lease renewal for the apartment sat on my desk for weeks.  It was due August 5th, and I kept looking at it but not taking action.  Something in me said, just give your notice.  But the fear voice said, then where will you live?  On August 5th at 5pm I hurriedly signed the lease and turned it in to the office.  

Sometime in the following week I saw an ad on craigslist for a three bedroom two bath house in a neighborhood close to our daughters' school.  I wrote to the address, telling a bit about our story.  The email response I received made me laugh out loud.  

We were invited to an open house.  It was signed Kelly Smith, of Smith Coaching.  This is the third miracle:  my prayers were so literally answered.
So Kelly lives next door to our new home.  She is the owner of the car I saw with the Smith Coaching sign, and our house is on the very street where I sent up my plea and prayer.  Kelly is our landlord's daughter, and her grandfather built this house in the 1920's.  Her father grew up here with his two sisters.  From the moment we walked in the front door I felt all the instability of the past year settle in me.  We were landing.

The application process was easy.  We talked with the landlord and his daughter.  They love kids and cats, and I now have an income, so all our former barriers vanished.  And the house not only meets but exceeds all of our expectations and needs.

First off, it is a four bedroom, not three.  One room is pretty small, but perfect for my Frankophile artist garrett desiring daughter.

Second, the house is on a third of an acre, an orchard in the city.  The back yard is connected to the orchard, which is Kelly's yard.  But when I look out my window at night I see moonlight in the trees.

We have a front and back patio, a garage and basement, a fireplace, built-ins, high ceilings and wood floors.  Space for my office, space for guests, space for more than one person to be in the kitchen at a time.

Space for altars, for spirit, for growth.

Space for gardens and flowers and my much missed compost pile!

We are blocks from school.  The girls can walk.  My son can take the bus to his school.  Easy.

And the neighbors are connected, community oriented, with music and gardens and sharing in abundance.

In short, we have come home. I believe we are all loved by this world.

That doesn't mean life is without pain.  A client this week shared something she learned in a workshop:  that our wounds hold our gifts.

Every time I look around this house I feel expansive, abundant, loved.  Every time I think of the path we walked to get here I feel grateful.

What do you want most in your life right now?
What is your prayer?

With love--

Permission

Sometimes we just need permission.

Permission to dream big, make the change, take the chance.  To walk through the door, exit the palace, enter the unknown.

In The Moon Divas Guidebook, I called it permission to fail.  Permission to make a mess, allow mistakes, do it wrong and let yourself be all right with that.

I first wrote about permission to fail almost four years ago.  And while I still think we need to be okay with the possibility of discomfort and messiness, I believe it may be permission of a different kind our life requires: permission to succeed.

What does success mean to you?  
The Success Test Success comes from the Latin, successes, "an advance, a coming up, a good result, a happy outcome."

Success, by this definition, feels pretty doable.

It becomes not about the quantifiable measures we usually call "success" but about the qualitative feeling of accomplishment.

Here is my personal success test:

Did I love the making?

Did it bring me joy?

Does my work feed my vision?

Do I feel energized and excited by my work and ideas still?

If I answered yes to any of these questions, I've met success.

Here's Your Permission I hereby grant you permission to take one small step toward your dream today.  The party begins with a movement.  What will it be?  Just declaring your intention will make new possibilities immanent, and your success is practically assured.

Need something more?  One of my favorite quotes ever is often attributed to Goethe, but is actually written by William Hutchinson Murray, a Scottish mountaineer:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. 

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” 

When is now?
xoxo

10 Step Formula for a Thriving Spirited Business

First Thing's First Formula:  words used in ceremony or ritual (1630's) from the Latin formula, form, draft, contract, method, literally "small form."  

I love the artist Keri Smith.  For years I taught university level Expository Writing from her wonderful book, How to be an Explorer of the World.  Keri told me to see patterns and make connections.

These days the Fibonacci spiral is drawing my attention, that whirring intricacy of seeds at the center of the sunflower, or the turn of the nautilus shell.  It reminds me that patterns don't need to be a grid, linear, or even steps to an end.  They may be multi-dimensional, process oriented, in motion.  And sacred.

This formula for a thriving spiritual business may be completed in any order.  It may be crafted and recreated to suit any needs.  It should be edited, it should grow and change and adapt to you.  Applied, it is a powerful catalyst for transformation.  It is magic. One:  Do what brings you joy. Notice I didn't say "do what you love."  This is an important distinction

Love and joy are mostly in alignment.  But I know that sometimes what we love might not serve our greater purpose, our larger goals.  I have used my love of writing and art in the past as an excuse to stay small, isolated, feeding my introverted nature.  

Joy, to me, is a shared experience.  This is important.  Because in order for your business to thrive, you have to put yourself out there.  You have to be willing to share your joy, your enthusiasm, your gifts.  And you have to find joy in the sharing.  This means doing what brings you joy by its very nature must feed you, literally and figuratively.  The secret is finding something you both enjoy doing, and that you want to (joyfully) promote.
Two:  Negotiate for Yourself First Raise your hand if you say yes too much.  Raise your hand if you have ever given your time, energy, work or resources away in a way that later left you feeling unappreciated or resentful.  If you have both hands up you are likely a self-saboteur, one with the best interests at heart, but maybe lacking the boundaries and assertion to put your own needs first.

This piece of the formula probably needs a post all its own.  Negotiating for yourself simply means advocating for what feels right to you.  This only can happen when we feel strong, balanced, abundant and connected.  When we are in transition--starting a new endeavor, changing careers, revealing ourselves in a new way--our insecurity (from the Latin insecurus, "not safe") can cause us to negotiate against ourselves, to give ourselves away, to minimize our worth and value.  

Negotiating for yourself often means holding firm, creating boundaries, taking risks.  It always means crafting a daily practice that is grounding and balancing, so no matter what is happening around you, you may operate from a center rooted in your own best interests. Three:  Practice, Practice, Practice I have many daily practices, from writing to walking to prayer.  Most are small, take only minutes of my time, but they each act as a sacred thread linking together the fabric of my conscious and unconscious thoughts.  My yoga teacher Uma Diana Hulet once said, "Practice makes us ready."  When I practice, I feel myself part of the pattern of my life, not mysteriously adrift, not yanked around by other people, emotions, circumstances beyond my control.  Practice enables me to surrender to the whole, stay present and be with whatever comes.

What does your practice look like?  Do you have one?  This is one of the first questions I ask clients who come to me for spirited business support.  If you resist daily practice of self-care, the road to success may suck you dry. Consistent, daily practice tells the world we are worthy of our own attention and deserve good stuff, like exercise and connection and rest.

For practice to be effective it must be doable (not overly intricate or daunting), repeatable, and enjoyable.  I recommend a ten minute non-negotiable (see #2 :) ) self-care and/or spiritual practice every single day.  It will transform your life faster than anything else. Four:  Honor the Seasons and Cycles of Work The moon cycles, the earth cycles, our bodies cycle.  I once felt like I was inconsistently productive, and thus not a good worker.  I would feel guilty for giving myself space and breaks.  Then I heard the poet Madeline DeFrees give a talk about the fallow time, the rest required of the earth after the frenetic seasons of flower and fruit.  The fallow time, she said, prepared us for the next season's growth.  And I stopped with the guilt, just like that.

Shortly thereafter I learned about the cycles of my body, and met women like writer Tami Lynn Kent who actually honor their cycles.  Tami taught me that by scheduling less during times when I felt drawn to solitude actually led to more and different kinds of accomplishment.

In many indigenous cultures, including the cultures of pre-Christian northern Europe, time was not linear, but cyclic.  Even stories of the end of the world lead back again to the beginning of the world.  The gift of cyclic time is simultaneity:  everything happens all at once.  Translate this to the cycles of work and production, then even when you are in a place of withdrawal, you are simultaneously expansive.  Both states are essential for balance, and making peace with this, making space for your own cyclic work in a way that is authentic (not, for example, withdrawing as a form of self-denial or because you feel shy, or expanding because of greed) leads to richer communities, opportunities for collaboration and that elusive work-life balance everyone is always searching for. Five:  Feelings Matter Your intuition is the most valuable skill you have as an entrepreneur.  And I'm not the only one who says so.  Spend some time in the biography section of any library and you will find story after story of people who talk about luck, yes, faith, too, but mostly trusting their gut.

Are you comfortable in your body? Do you feel a yes or no somewhere within you? Do you follow your instincts? Have an inner compass or sense of leadership that helps you follow your inner heart?  If not, it is time to build these relationships.  My work with Moon Divas has been invaluable to helping me trust my gut--or womb, as the case may be.  My head is much less instinctually reliable than my body.  When you are in communication with your body, there is very little that you can lie to yourself about.  And when the yeses come from your body--and oh, they will!--you will leap without question, knowing that the landing will be in your best interests. Six:  When in Doubt, Divine Okay, so this is where I really have to go out on a limb.  When I am faced with indecision (which happens about fifty-seven times a day and more) I flip a coin.  Or ask the wind.  Or draw a card.  Sometimes the answer is exactly what I think it should be (that old gut instinct at work again) and sometimes not--I believe that may be the 50/50 odds at work--but what divination of any form does is move me past my indecision so that I can move on to something else.  See, whatever the outcome, I will myself to take action one way or the other.  There are no mistakes, friends.  There is only the way.  

I spent much of my life hesitating over minute choices--should my hair be up or down in my profile picture (what looks more professional?), should the border be green or blue (which is more attractive?), should I contact this editor again or not (would it seem pushy?), should I book the space today or tomorrow (I don't know if I really want it but what if it is already booked by the time I decide?)... 

Do you see how all of that indecision is rooted in self-doubt?  I may always have self-doubt, that is my work in this lifetime, but I don't let it hold me back in the same way.  Life is too short.  Now I flip a coin, take the picture, the border is blue, I call the editor again and go ahead and book the space.  Four decisions I could have spent minutes--no, let's be honest, hours over.

This is an invitation: believe that there are no mistakes and give yourself a method to be more decisive and not delay.  The only possible error is inaction.  Or wasting an entire day choosing that profile picture :). Seven:  Trust in Your Spiritual Organization A scene:  I'm supposed to launch this business today.  It's the full moon, I've made loads o' plans.  But the website is being glitchy, and I can't find the folder with the most recent service menu.  My children are fighting, my husband is cranky and it is probably because it is Sunday and they would like my presence, thank you, instead of the closed door of my office (cue antic rustling within).  Do I push through because of my self-imposed deadline, or do I trust that this launch is happening, unfolding, petal by petal.  It will bloom without force, as it is ready.

If I believe my life is spiritually organized, if I am centered and practicing, then I can let go of my own limitations, and open to the possibility that comes with listening.  The world is speaking to us, constantly.  The key is listening amid the chatter of our own heads.  Listening, trusting, allowing things to be as they (apparently) need to be turns obstacles into opportunities and allows for a more easeful, spacious experience in life.

So today, I'll finish this post and give my family some time, and maybe my big launch is less a fireworks display than a series of shooting stars--silent, beautiful, made for wishing.  Drawing less attention, but, in all the right places, some awe.
Eight:  Schedule It--Confront Resistance I have clients pay for sessions in advance, and I require a three appointment minimum commitment.  I also offer big incentives for booking in bulk.  This isn't all about me, but because I know a little bit about fear and resistance once the dream starts to become reality.  I have been there.  I have canceled my share of appointments.

My most successful clients, the ones who see immediate returns on their investment, are those who commit to weekly sessions over several months.  Our work is fast, regular, and efficient.  Scheduling our time keeps the energy moving, keeps their intention alive and the inspiration aglow.  If you want to get something started, you have to feed the fire.  And nothing feeds the fire like your time and energy.

Money is energy, and when we pay in advance we have made a substantive energetic commitment.  We say we are prioritizing this work.  It is unlikely that we will cancel a prepaid appointment, and so our self-saboteur is foiled.  Which is important, because nine times out of ten we will try to weasel out of our commitment to ourselves.  A huge challenge to our work, any and all, is to stand up to the self-saboteur and say:

"My dream is worth the time and money it takes to build it.  I am worth the investment that enables me to do this work.  I am making this investment in my dream."

Resistance crumbles once you are committed.  What remains is your intention, your drive, and measurable, achievable success. Nine:  Ritualize Building your dream is sacred work.  So make sacred time for this work.

Set aside dedicated space and time.  Ritualize the process of creation.  This can mean using any number of tools or practices to define your space.  I have an altar next to my desk, and I light a candle at the beginning of my workday with a prayer of opening.  At the end, I blow out the candle with a prayer of gratitude.

This beginning and ending ceremony strengthens my work time.  For one, I am unlikely to leave my desk while the candle is burning, meaning the "distracted wandering" syndrome is nullified.   A second advantage, is the lit candle is known by all around to be symbolic of my serious, focused attention.  It says, I'm working, don't bother me right now.

When I work with clients we sometimes come up with rituals together, to strengthen and make efficient our time in the container, between beginning and end.  Ritual builds a space of directed effort, and we are often amazed at how much we are able to accomplish in our time together.

One last effect of ritualizing any work or task, is that you clearly indicate this is a choice, you are choosing to be engaged in this way.  Choice brings a kind of freedom, and joy, even to your least favorite endeavors. Ten: We are Stronger Together, Collaboration is Success When I wrote my first business plan (for my ceremony business, Vestal Transitions) I was pretty strung out on the competition analysis part.  The Celebrant Institute has a code that is insistent on collaboration and collective support, but in the business plan language, my fellow Celebrants were my competition.  Never mind that my so-called competitors invited me over for tea, gave me freely all their forms, connections and resources to help make my business successful.  They even offered to mentor me at any time.

What I learned writing my Celebrant business plan was not about competition, but differentiation.  What makes us unique is the very thing that will attract clients.  When we express that uniqueness in our business presence, our client base will be individualized.

When spirited business folks get together, there is a kind of spark that occurs.  We inspire each other, we give each other permission to be as funny and interesting and outrageous as we (quite comfortably) are.  We help each other find words for our uniqueness, this incredible variety, so that we naturally can let our differences shine.  And we create a network for referrals and resources, because there is more than enough (clients, money, business) for everyone.

In a few days I will be announcing the launch of The Hive, a spirited business hub for meeting, greeting and seeding new (ad) ventures.  This is not "business as usual", there are no ladders, no one-ups, just lots of fun, invention and connection in a community fueled by the spirit of collaboration.

I began this work as a Moon Diva, building community as a foundation for transformation.  Our spirited businesses have the same requirements for nourishment and soul-sweetness.  Welcome, all who wish to enter.

May your spirited business thrive.

Polish

Getting ready to release a whole new business endeavor is the essence of redefinition.  And any time we are set to grow, the temptation is to make the offering polished and perfect.

But is that who you really are? Different is Beautiful The people I like looking at most are unique.  They have quirks:
uneven teeth
unruly hair
freckles and moles
sundry so-called imperfections

They are beautiful because of their individual qualities, they stand out due to the unexpected nature of their features.

In business, this is how we captivate markets, differentiate ourselves from the  herd and build enduring brands:  by being authentically who we are, and offering our very best to our customers and clients. Professional is not always polished. I clean up pretty well.  In my work as a Celebrant, I rolled out the JCrew suit and pearls, stuffed my feet into a pump (or two).  I like it when my hair is done, when I'm freshly groomed and all pulled together.  The only problem is, it doesn't feel like me.

For some of you this might be a native state, and I so admire you for it, but I grew up in the woods and have three kids.  I am tidy but a little wild, rustic and oh-so wabi-sabi in my home life.  

This is an aesthetic I wear comfortably now, but it wasn't always so.  One of my university students wrote about my professorial-bohemian confusion in an essay, and when I realized four years ago the Moon Divas Guidebook wanted to be written by hand, it was extremely uncomfortable for me.

See, the reflection of the culture is that success looks urban, suited and impeccably groomed.  But it has been my great pleasure in the past year to be inspired by successful professionals whose aesthetic is so not that norm.

Because when we are at home in ourselves, in our bodies, our stories, and our lives, we are free to offer our gifts without reservation.

What is your personal style?  What would you offer if you didn't need to make it perfect first?

Maybe it is time we redefined the professional marketplace with our expressive charm, elastic integrity and completely centered sense of who we are.  Perfectly imperfect.

Feminine Power: Claiming the Priestess, Answering the Call

From the Women of Power series by Katarzyna Majak I hear it from my clients all the time... "I am drawn to the work of ceremony..."


"I feel like I need a rite of passage, and I want to learn how to do one myself."


"Spiritual stuff has always called to me but I have been worried about what other people think."


Half of the people who have come to me for ceremony are seeking this work because they want to learn more about it.  And once we have made our way for the process of ceremony creation and facilitation, many have continued on their own ceremonial journey:  pursuing further education, starting shamanic training, creating spirit centered businesses.  Ceremony has a way of clarifying our path, articulating what we always yearned for but were too afraid (uncomfortable, uncertain, unknowing) to proceed.

Do you know the feeling?  Do you feel locked in a life or work that isn't in alignment with your soul's calling?  

What would it look like if you were to answer the call?

What would you look like if you were living in your fullest power? Another Woman of Power by Katarzyna Majak Claiming Your Bigness A few weeks ago I attended a ceremony where I was a participant, not an officiant.  But after a while people were drifting, disorganized, and I called the group together.

It was a simple enough process, not dictatorial, and the ritual did what rituals do--it wove itself.  And at the time I felt part of a circle, complete.

But later, the old fear kicked in.  In The Moon Divas Guidebook I call it the Old Story.  It is the loop of narrative we all carry with us.  Sometimes it comes from lineage, sometimes from family, or peers, friends, lovers...it immediately begins its work on our nervous system.  Provoking our less than positive emotions.

One of my oldest stories is if I get big, stand out, show my power, I will provoke resentment.  That my big powerful self is dangerous, and the only way to be safe is to stay quiet, sit on the corners, be small.

How many of us shrink again and again into our lives because of old stories that keep us tethered?

Where do you need to get big, take risks, and grow? Another amazing Woman of Power by Katarzyna Majak. Last year, last month, today... My life changed.  I wrote about the old story here at my old blog.  And I am amazed at how often I have been asked to confront this story.  It has not left me, it is not over, I am not beyond it.

Instead, I meet it, again and again.

Only every time, it is with less fear, less anxiety.  It is with more humor, more elation, more verve. 

More, "Ha, you wiley bastard.  Here you go again!  Caught you this time, suckah!" 

And whenever I confront what I fear, the woman of power, around me and beside me and before me slap their legs and roar with pleasure.

They rejoice when we reclaim what is rightfully ours.  Our power, our resourcefulness, our bigness. Reclaiming Rites of Passage Reclaiming ceremony, claiming spirit, is my work in this world.  Maybe it is your work too?  If so, we should totally get together.  And this, my friends, is what I've been working on for the past few weeks:  opportunities for ceremony, self-care and community.

The first one I'll mention here, as I know with the rile of summer planning it can be hard to set out space, but if you live Portland local you should mark you calendars for August 10th, the full moon, for a Reclaiming Rites of Passage workshop and ceremonial extravaganza.

For the others, I'm almost ready to announce.  But not quite.  To get the scoop first, sign up for The Muse Letter, like my Facebook page, or join the Moon Divas Community.  This is the circle, the community, the tribe, and I would love for you to join us in sharing your gifts.  I promise more inspiration than promotion, more resources than products, and more connection than marketing, always.  May we come together, reveling in who we are, sharing the journey ahead with souls on a similar path. And, if you can't stop by the Reclaiming Rites of Passage workshop but are interested in the ceremonial life, here are some great resources to check out as you travel:

Rites of Passage:  Celebrating Life's Changes by Kathleen Wall and Gary Ferguson
The Art of Ritual by Sydney Beck and Renee Barbara Metrick

With all blessings to the road ahead--


(A note on the Women of Power photos:  this exhibition of women who are self-proclaimed witches, healers or women of power was created by Katarzyna Majak to explore minority religions in Poland. )

Reflections and a Cupcake: End of School Year Ceremony (for Kids Young and Old)

Graduates of Vassar college, 1909. Homeschooling is Over!  For now... I just spent the past hour packing up online public school supplies with my thirteen year old son.

Yes, it does say homeschool in the title of this section.  And that was our initial path.  In November my kids left their brick and mortar public schools due to some fundamental and longstanding issues with my son's education.  We began homeschooling and the world was, briefly, ours.  We developed intentions, spent days in library exploration.  How did we want to approach this?  What would our learning look like together?  My son studied lizards, my daughter, French.  We began scheduling some cooperative classes for spring...and then...

To encapsulate a very long tale:  their father and I had a difference of perspective on what homeschooling would be.  So by February my daughter was enrolled in a (fabulous) public school with her stepsister, and my son in online public school.  Online public school is parent-intensive.  In fact, you are required to have a full-time "Learning Coach" for your child in order to enroll.  My son is Aspergian (as he likes to say) and a total sweetheart:  cheerful, creative, cooperative.  But spending the required six hours a day trudging through online lessons was a trial for us both.  Finally in April I enrolled him in a private school two days a week, because with few exceptions he was completely isolated from kids his age.  He absolutely fell in love with it, found a whole tribe of friends immediately, gets along well with the staff, and the school is small enough to cater to his individual educational needs.

Yay!  Almost.  There were hurdles to vault, waterfalls to paddle from, tightropes to walk.  And we still had to finish online school for the year.  Which we did today.  This is how I feel: Only with a t-shirt on...because it is summertime!

My son is feeling pretty emotional right now.  Change, even the best kind, is really hard for him, and every school year past--both beginning and end--required processing.  I have to say I feel all smushy too.  It was an incredibly challenging nine months, and we weathered as best we could.  Now things have shifted into some really great outcomes, but we are still processing what came before.  

You know what that means?
The Best Kind of Ceremonies My kids are, with one exception, reluctant to ceremonialize.  In fact, it's a pattern I notice most in the so-called secular society:  we are afraid of spirit, and its attendant motions (rituals, ceremonies) make us uncomfortable.  

If I tried to force my kids to observe rituals that made them squirm, they would soon develop an aversion.  I know I did.  But this doesn't mean they should grow up without ceremony, or that any of us should abandon an attempt at ritual and ceremony in non-religious contexts.  We need the power of ceremony--myth, symbol, intention, spirit (human or otherwise)--and to go without is equally unacceptable.

The best kind of ceremonies for diverse or reluctant populations are steeped in familiarity.  From that place we can weave in elements that gently stretch boundaries, and participants can relax once willing.  In my university teaching I used ritual and ceremony in every class I ever taught, with diverse groups that included an inevitable number of haters.  And you know what?  They all came around...well, almost all...and participated fully.  In my evaluations students spoke glowing praise for the rituals, said they brought them together as a class, as a community, and that they learned much about themselves as a result.

So, what kinds of rituals make us feel comfortable?  One of my favorites is the birthday cake ritual:  light the candles, make a wish.  I've used this ceremony many times in many ways, most recently at my grandmother's memorial two weeks ago.  It is easy and comforting, yet also deeply powerful.  

Cupcakes are an easy, kid friendly (and delicious) way to celebrate the end of school.  Incorporating this little ritual gives closure to the process of the scholastic year and sets intentions for the months of summer. Easy Cupcake Ritual for The End of School Step 1:  Assemble your tools.  You will need candles, a source of flame, and (of course) cupcakes!  One for each ritual participant, please.

Step 2:  Gather in a quiet place with few distractions on the last day of school--a favorite picnic spot, your dining room table...it doesn't matter where as long as the kids can stay focused for a minute or two.

Step 3:  Form a circle or sit around a table.  Set the ritual intention.  (Let everyone know why you are gathered and what you will be doing...for example:  we are here to celebrate the end of the school year, to reflect on what we've learned and to make a wish for the summer).

Step 4:  Travel around the circle and give each child a cupcake.  Light a candle and have the child say one thing they enjoyed about the school year, one thing they won't miss at all, and one wish they have for the summer.  (If your children are very small, tired or restless this can be condensed into any one of those three options...it will still be a functional ritual!)

Step 5:  You could sing "Happy End of the School Year to Us" to the tune of Happy Birthday.  Or you could just say a little blessing like:  life is sweet, let us eat!  A statement or word will close the process.  Then everyone can blow out their candles and savor their cupcakes.

May all your wishes come true.
xo

What do Women Desire Most?

At the Courthouse, 1997 I am twenty-two. I've been engaged for a month. Three weeks ago my grandfather died.  Two weeks ago I graduated from college with a BA in English and a Minor in Women's Studies.  In another moon cycle I am getting married.  I'm not sure this is a good idea, but don't know how to say it.  To my fiancé, to my family, to the hundreds of guests invited.  I've never lived alone, never supported myself, never been out of the country or even to the other coast.  We are standing at the courthouse counter, filing our marriage license.  

The clerk asks:
"What's your occupation?"

I answer:
"Ahhhhh....mmmmm...."

The clerk says:
"I'll just put down homemaker.  You also forgot to fill out the space for your new name."

I don't want a new name.  But I don't want my old name either.  One defines my past, one informs my future.  Both belong to men.  Why don't I have my own name, one that can stay with me through the whole of my life?  One that will make my lineage easy to trace, one that says "you are" rather than "you are by relationship."

The clock ticks, a line forms behind me.  My palms are sweaty.  My fiancé, loving, gentle, taps my elbow.  I sigh and sign his name in ballpoint pen below my "maiden" name, name of a maid, no longer a father's daughter, not yet my own.

Sir Gawaine and Dame Ragnell This is the story of what women really want, an Arthurian legend first shared with me by a Jungian.  The abridged (adapted, altered, memory) version:

King Arthur rides through an enchanted wood where he is confronted by a mystical Knight, Sir Gromer and given a challenge.  Arthur has one year's time to uncover the answer to Sir Gromer's question or Gromer will cut off his head.  The question is:  What do women desire most?

Arthur has no idea what women desire most.  This query is a mystery to men and women both, he thinks.  Brooding and fearful for his life and his country he encounters deeper in the forest a loathsome hag.  (I so love a good hag. "One of the magic words for which there is no male form."  See the etymology of the word here.)  She stops him and says, "I know your secret, King, and ask you grant me but one thing so that I may give you the answer you seek.  If you do not, you will surely die."

She asks to marry Arthur's nephew, the fair and good Sir Gawain.  And when Arthur objects (because she is truly hideous) she says, "I may be foul, but even an owl may choose a mate."  She introduces herself as Dame Ragnell.

Gawain loves his uncle and king.  He volunteers to marry Dame Ragnell, and when Arthur returns to her with this news, she gives him the answer to his initial query:

"The one thing women desire above all else is to have complete sovereignty."

For a Time I Was a Flower... I lived for almost ten years with my husband's name.  It was a beautiful name, and attached to my own it became lyrical.  Under that name I published my first short story, was rejected by (seven? ten? It is good that I no longer remember...) MFA programs and gave birth to my son, who was given too his father's name.  

When I became pregnant with my daughter the issue of naming rose again to the fore.  I wanted to give her what I had never known:  a name of her own, a name of women, a lineage that would remain constant no matter what:  death, divorce, abandonment or eternal love, her name would remain.

But in the end it seemed too much work, too mysterious, to alter my name legally (and tend to all the paperwork, the explanation) before the birth of my second child.  And when she was born, she too, by default, assumed the name of her father's family. Dame Ragnell, Continued... This story doesn't end with King Arthur's preservation.  Yes, he battles the mystic knight with word and sword, and eventually gives the answer to the greatest riddle:

What do women desire most?  

Sovereignty.

Meanwhile Gawain marries Dame Ragnell, willing and gracious to fulfilling the bargain, even though Arthur suggested he might get out of it, even though Dame Ragnell was remarkably hideous (some wonderful descriptions of her appearance are available in this telling of the story).  And for her part, Dame Ragnell was tremendously happy, though everyone who witnessed the wedding was disgusted by her.  

After the feasting and dancing she and Gawain get ready to spend their first night together, and she tells him that even though it is her right to demand it, she won't make him sleep with her.  But would he at least kiss her?

And Gawain says that he will do more than kiss her, he will bring her to bed.

At that moment she transforms into the most beautiful of women.  For she was under a terrible enchantment, and now she presents Gawain with a choice:  she can be fair during the day for all to see and hideous at night when they are together, or hideous during the day for all to judge and beautiful for him alone at night.  She says it will be the way he wishes.

And Gawain says it is for her alone to choose how she should appear.

At the moment when she is given choice, the spell that holds Dame Ragnell is broken. The Lady Clare by John William Waterhouse The Women I Know are Trees The word sovereign comes from the Latin super, over, and reign or rule.  Its connotation is a supreme power, one of mastery, the keeper of the keys.

I chose my current name two years after my divorce.  In 2008, I twirled down the aisle of another courthouse farther north in my home state.  In the years since taking the name Vesta (for the Goddess of the hearth, honoring Vest, West in Norwegian, the root of my family name) I have remarried, but my name is unchanging.  It is my own.

My daughter still has her father's name.  When she comes of age, she will be able to choose her own path.  And this is the point:  in order to make a choice, we must first know that we have one.  In order to be sovereign, we must first know how much we desire to be our own rulers, to fully experience our power.

There are loads of articles in the Inter-galactic-net about the "controversy" around taking a husband's name at marriage.  But not nearly as popular, and I think more fundamentally essential, is the question of why we continue such a blatantly patriarchal tradition from birth.

Yes, I understand the arguments--my own family made them to me many times over when I chose a name of my own.  We need some way to track lineage, to show we are a family, they said.  It will be confusing for the children, they said.  Even though my name of origin is relatively new to our family, adjusted when our ancestors came through Ellis Island.  Even though as I search through genealogical records the names of women in my ancestral line are still there--albeit harder to trace. 

Freedom and choice require us to question assumptions, all of them, however ingrained and emotional.  Just for the record, I'm not against patrilineal naming or taking the name of a spouse.  But my own experience has given me pause.  When at the courthouse in 1997, I did not know how to put words to what I felt--I wanted my own space in my marriage, my autonomy, my power.  I wanted to be seen as an individual, not a dyad.  I also was ready to be acknowledged as an adult, a woman, not a child, not my father's daughter.  Without a rite of passage, some ceremony to show the world who I was, my marriage became the ritual symbolically ushering me to adulthood.

My deep yearning for individuation conflicted with an all-engulfing romanticism.  My dominant culture said by taking my husband's name I was joining our souls, doing him honor, allowing him to be the provider, surrendering to his masculinity in a way that would provoke passion in our union.  It sounds so silly, but it's not.  Romanticizing unequal partnership, not questioning cultural assumptions, these blinders have impeded my relationships many many times.

Names are important, and have an almost universal significance.  Naming is one of the first magics, and in many cultures naming coincides with ceremonies, with rites of passage beyond birth.  When we refuse to question a tradition, we rob it of its potency, remove its magic, and a name becomes a word, not a living breathing song.

The journey of my name has taught me much, but most of all I have learned my heart's desire:

To be who I am, sovereign, by choice.

(You can read the 15th century poem "The Wedding of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnell here.)
Advance apologies for any and all errors in my retelling.

Hiding in Plain Sight: Spirit in Everyday Living and a Few Notes on Woo-Woo

Photo by Rhea Madrone Spirit in Every Day:  Living it now. By root and rhythm, I finally returned to prayer.

That is to say, I resisted for months my own fundamental spiritual practice.  Actually, its been longer than that.  For a full year now I've been on a (whiplash yanking) roller coaster ride that has changed my entire landscape, both inner and outer.  I can't even write about the developments.  They are too fresh.

Amidst it all I kept a writing practice, I kept an exercise practice.  And yet, the spirit world--my ancestors, my guardians, the Goddesses and Gods, the plants, the animals, the beings of this planet--kept nudging me to connect.  Okay, sometimes it was more bludgeon than nudge...

Finally, pushed to the brink of some impossible choices, I sat at my altar.  After lighting the candles, I prayed.  In the full way, the way I was taught.  I opened myself, gave time.  Surrendered my wheeling mind, my own agenda and bowed to all that is greater than the sum of me.  

And every day since--with a few exceptions-- I have practiced with prayer.  Gratitude, intention, seeking, connection.  Sure enough, things are moving.  I remember this from before.  Long ago my life was irrevocably transformed through the daily practice of prayer, in huge important ways.  It is not complicated, it doesn't take tons of time or energy, and the power of participating in the motions of life is undeniable.

It is about doing.  This is the difficulty.  Prioritizing, showing up, laying aside avoidance, this requires confronting the squirrel of ego pretending it knows better, knows all.  To live in flow with spirit we have to be willing to step aside, to offer our attention.  Mary Oliver says in her poem, The Summer Day: " I don't know exactly what a prayer is./
I do know how to pay attention"

And attention is possible everywhere, even now in this moment, as you are reading.  Right here. Photo by Karolina Daria Flora When All is a Miracle,  Everything is Possible Here's an exercise that keeps me from despair:

Sit in a quiet place where you won't be interrupted.  (Sometimes in my household this means the bathroom...)

Breathe deeply, and as you breathe imagine traveling out from your current location, up, up above your community, above your state with its invisible lines, above the country you call home, above the earth that drifts its marble blue on a miracle of axis.  Allow yourself a free flight into space.  Observe the stars, the countless stars, and the spaces between the stars.  Feel the expansion, the enormity.  See if you can sense a resonance in the universe, in the space beyond space.

Now begin your descent back to earth.  Bring your focus through the atmosphere, through identifiable shapes of land and water, back to your home, but don't pause at yourself, not yet.  Instead shift your focus to the soil beneath you, the stones and land.  See the intricate roots of trees, the teeming life in one square inch of soil.  Become minute, microscopic, see the dust, the cell, the atom.  This too, is infinite.

And between, we are.  Made of the same stuff as earth, as stars.  We live on this loom, warp and weft, micro and macro.  See yourself in the pattern, as you are, a part of everything that lives, exists.  Breathe with that miracle, be still and open your eyes. Life Calls You to Live:  Notes on Woo-Woo and Weirdness Here is a confession:

When I can't make a decision, however large, I flip a coin.

When I am sad, angry or alone, I walk to the river and wait for the world to sing.  Lately, the eagles.  The herons.  A beaver, the skeleton of a crow.  Fish splash, the wind answers, and in this language I will again find my way home.

A year ago I began working with the runes, and dreams came.  My ancestors, my grandfather seventeen years dead, visited me in dreams, holding their hands out to me along the path.  A raven began drinking from the water I set out for flower baths.  An owl called from my urban backyard in the night.  I felt a humming in my cells:  yes, this is the path, yes, you belong in the remembering.  And I learned about a concept called personal gnosis, wherein it is possible for each of us to receive information from spirit.

This makes sense to me.  But I know it is risky, daring, to admit all of this.  I have known this throughout my life, as a new bride, a young mother, a community activist.  As a professor.  Your reputation is on the line, you must be professional.  If you connect with spirit you are considered woo-woo.  Freaky!  Crazy.  Spooky.  Weird.  I'm sure some of you might be familiar with this.

I meet with clients all the time who want to reveal their relationship with spirit, but are afraid of the woo-woo.  In my students for years I saw true spiritual hunger.  But because our culture sanctions spirituality with religion and dismisses spirit without sanction as woo-woo, they approached with trepidation.  With reserve, ready to laugh away anything unfamiliar.

But our weirdness is joyful, and our own brand of woo-woo--our personal gnosis, the relationship with spirit that is uniquely our own-- is an embrace, not a denial.  We are inspired by those who wear their woo-woo, who shed the skin of fear and doubt, and come into a new sort of fullness.  Life requests of you life.  The world wants of us our unique attention, our individual participation, and our own true love.

Have you embraced your weirdness today?  Do you claim your woo-woo?  xoxo

Turning and Returning

And first, a poem... Entering the Kingdom

The crows see me. 
They stretch their glossy necks 
In the tallest branches 
Of green trees. I am 
Possibly dangerous, I am 
Entering the kingdom.

The dream of my life 
Is to lie down by a slow river 
And stare at the light in the trees- 
To learn something by being nothing 
A little while but the rich 
Lens of attention.

But the crows puff their feathers and cry 
Between me and the sun, 
And I should go now. 
They know me for what I am. 
No dreamer, 
No eater of leaves.

--Mary Oliver
I am 
Possibly dangerous In transition, each day is a lesson in presence, in unfolding.

The deeper we unfold, the heartier call the crows, to warn:

for possibly, deep within our trespasses, or liminal spaces, our crossing places, we may become other.  We may stop heeding the boundaries others have placed about us, hemming us in.  We may find ourselves fighting, snarling, wounded, retreating, weeping, isolating...or we may find ourselves called again, with whatever tool's in hand, to make do.  To make, to do, what calls to us, what sings our own song, what authentically spreads its wings from our own centered heart.

In that integrity, we may proceed. There was a time... ...when I thought myself invulnerable.  I had finally made right choices, right actions.  I was free from lies, and this would set me free from sorrow.

I was wrong.  Whatever the clearing, there is still more work to do.

The lies I have discovered since that time are not lies of my own making, but lies of social telling, lies of culture, lies of country, lies of state.

Lies of lineage, lies of ancestry.  Lies of time.

And I have found that my grief, my sorrow is boundless, because it contains all of the grief of lineage, social story, culture and embodied separation.  

And I have found within that ancient ancestry of grief, a great source of strength...and joy. What if this is all you have?  How will you spend your days? In the past three years I have come to pursue art in ways I never have before.  Not avocation, but antidote, healing, calling.

When I draw I become lost in time, the linearity of space dissolves and I become for a moment Oliver's "rich lens of attention."  I felt this way once about writing, but five years of teaching writing diminished that of free and holy relationship.  At least for now.  However, writing by hand, working with image as language and language as symbol has incited inspiration, and kept me rooted amidst (what feels like interminable) transformation.

Whatever results from this time, these trials, tapping in to what is right in the moment, what feeds me and nourishes my soul, has been a tremendous lesson.  I'm challenged to learn it again and again, daily.  It is a means for undoing the fetters, breaking the box, tearing the ropes that bind me to lies I no longer believe, stories that exist for another alone.  It is freedom, doing what I love when money and work and parents and teachers and exes and hexes all say no.

Every moment we give to our gifts is a moment we give to divinity, to purpose, to some greater life and love.  We give yeses to the future, to our descendants, as we shape the pattern of the weaving to show new ways of being and belonging to each day.

And I am grateful, though I write this from a place of struggle, ever for this time and its teachings.  Because I make, each day, anew.

If this is all you have, this cycle, this one precious turn of sun, of hour, of living, what is it that you must do?  To heal the grief, to enjoin the soul.  To be to yourself real, precious, whole.

A Ceremony for Release and Receiving: The Burning Jar

Release and Receive
Ceremony of the Burning Jar
March 15, 2014
6:00 pm in Portland, OR
(Almost) Worm Crow Moon in Virgo
“The Virgo Full Moon tells us, "You belong to yourself.   As much as you are part of a whole, you are also a unique drop in the ocean of consciousness.   What do you want to do with your drop?   What does your drop want to do with you?"—Cathy Whyte

Preparation:
Begin your burning jars.  Fill two jars with your intentions:

One is for what you wish to release in your life, that which is no longer serving you, anything that you have been grieving or regretting and are ready to let go of.

One is for what you wish to bring in to your life.  These are thought seeds, intentions you are committing to plant and nourish in the months to come.

On the day of the ritual—for Participants:

1.  Gather your burning jars and two symbolic objects.  One object represents all you are releasing, one represents what you wish to receive.  These objects should have value to you, and yet, prepare yourself, they will be given away.

2.  Prepare a dish to share after the ritual, something seasonal or delicious that represents the “flavor” of all you are experiencing right now.  This can be broadly interpreted:  the salty sweetness of blue corn chips might resonate as well as a kale slaw.  There is no judgment in terms of flavor, choose only what you are drawn to.

3.  Bring an offering for the ritual facilitators.  This exchange is vital to the smooth flow of energy in the ritual, it may be a monetary donation, services, food, a gift.  Consider the value of this ritual in your life at this time, the space and energy needed to create the ritual, and offer of yourself in return.


**A note on the ritual script:  I have written this for multiple uses, for potential facilitators and participants both.  As such it reads wonky at times…

The Burning Jar

Before the Ritual—Preparation and Tools—For Facilitators

Clear the ritual space with smoke (smudging or rekaning) from mugwort or sage.  Build a sacred fire –real or metaphorical—for use in the burning.  Metaphorical fires may look like a paper bag or wastebasket that can be burned later, real fires may be set small (a charcoal in a thick ceramic bowl) or big (firepit or bonfire).  Feel into the fire, the spark of intention, the miracle of synergy—oxygen, matter—the creative as you make the flame.

Next to the sacred fire place a box or bowl to collect the symbolic objects.

You will also need some seed start peat pellets or earth, seeds, and a small pitcher or flask of water.  I recommend nasturtium or bean seeds, as both have a strong will to grow!

You also may wish to have some fresh herbs and flowers for plant brushing, a bowl of water for symbolic washing and some sort of drum or percussion instrument—though clapping hands work just fine.

Gathering

After guests arrive, gather in a circle.  Place a note on the door for late arrivals.  My notes tend to read like this:  “The Ritual is in Progress, enter in silence.  You will be welcomed into the circle without disruption, bring your burning jars and symbolic objects with you.  Please center yourself before you come inside and clear away some of your residual tension so to not carry it into the ritual.  Thank you!”

Separation/Cleansing

All participants gather in the circle placing the burning jars near a sacred fire at the center.  The two symbolic objects should be close at hand.  The facilitator and an assistant wash each woman’s hands with scented water and/or brush her with plants (fragrant herbs like rosemary, pine or fir boughs, roses…all are lovely.  Brush from head to feet, lightly clearing the energetic field). 

Grounding and Intentions

The Facilitator leads the women in a meditation to ground and center the energy of the group.  One of my favorites is the golden tree, where you breathe and envision with each exhale roots extending from your feet into the earth’s core, then drawing energy up from the core through those roots, the trunk of your body, sprouting that energy into branches that bend down again into a circuit.  You then breathe as conduits for that energy.

Once everyone is grounded, round the circle for introductions and intentions.  Everyone may state their name and one intention for the ritual.

Orientation

The facilitator begins a compass orientation, calling focus to the directions and our place on earth at this time.  I find this language works best if it is in flow, for everyone’s symbolic associations with the directions are different and there is no right way to do this.  A silent acknowledgement of the directions—North, South, East and West, Above, Below and Center—is also totally fine.  The purpose is to allow for an orientation on the planet, in space, where are you now at this present place and time?

Acknowledgment of the Ancestors

This is where we call on our sacred tribe, our genetic and spiritual lineage.  I call them Ancestors, Guardians and Guides, and I like to have us vision the long line of individuals whose lives made ours possible.

Sometimes, it feels right to appeal to our ancestors for support in the ritual.  That might sound like this:

“Holy Ancestors, Sacred Ones, be with us in our endeavors.  We are releasing the patterns that no longer serve us, we are opening to possibilities that strengthen and enhance our lives.  May our choices bring honor to you and to our line.”

Acknowledgment of the Self

A huge part of effective ritual is the removal of self-doubt.  I like to offer a moment of self-blessing and affirmation.  It might sound like this…you can have the participants repeat it line by line:

“I am here in this circle, in this community by choice and understand that everything is exactly as it should be.  I release all fear and doubt, and honor this space entire.”

Or each individual might simply say:  I love myself.  I honor that I am here.

Releasing the Old/Transition

The Facilitator introduces the purpose of the ritual.

“We come today holding on to the old, with the intention of releasing these habits, people, places, stories and things that are no longer serving the tale we wish to live.  To create is to destroy, and there is a wisdom in consciously severing ties, in allowing the waste and residuals to be consumed by fire and returned to earth.

Our paths may be different but we are yet united by our core desire:  to let go in public testament of that which is no longer needed, to return this energy into the ever pulsing universal flow, that it may become anew, that we may be relieved and renewed.”

Each participant comes forward to the sacred fire with their jar of release and their object they are releasing.  As they face the fire, they may state one or more things they are releasing.  This is not a time for stories, it is for clear declarations:

For example:  I, Lara, release fear, suffering and anger.

Then the participant dumps the contents of their jar into the fire and places their object into the bowl or box nearby.

When everyone is through, raise some energy by chanting or drumming.  It may be something simple like “Burn Burn Burn” or a more complex song…whatever spirit brings is appropriate…allow the paper from the burning jars to be reduced to ash before moving on.

Facilitator:  You have released the old and let go of an object symbolizing that loss.  Now, cleansed by fire, we move into the new.

Receiving the New

Facilitator passes round the peat pellets or earth.

“From the old comes the new, from the new comes the old.  In acknowledgement of this cycle we will plant our dreams.”

If ashes are cool, have each participant place a spoonful of ashes in their receive jar.  Place the peat pellets or earth atop this. 

Then pass around the seeds, having each person choose three.

“As with the garden, so with our dreams.  If we plant too many seeds, some of them will die.  We must choose and carefully tend what we wish to nourish.  Think about the contents of your receiving jar.  What three seeds will you plant for your future?  Speak their names to the circle as you plant these real seeds.”

Participants plant their seeds as they say what they are planting to the circle.

Facilitator brings around a small pitcher of water.

“As we nourish your seeds for the first time, say one direct action you will take to feed your dreams in this week.”

Participants give their seeds water, speaking their action.

Incorporation/Return

“In this journey we have traveled together, you have given up an object symbolizing what you are releasing.  Now I will ask you to give up an object symbolizing what you are bringing in.  For it is only through the surrender of that which we think should be that we can receive the greatest gifts.”

Hand the box of symbolic objects around the circle and have everyone add their second symbol.

“Now prepare to receive your gifts, community.  Let the wisdom of spirit and your ancestors guide your hand as you choose from these objects two to take away from you on this journey.  Eyes closed, no peeking, take the first two you touch and see how they speak to the new you are endeavoring to make.”

Participants each choose two symbolic objects from the box collected by the community.  After everyone has chosen, it may feel right to go around again and say what each person chose.

Blessing and Opening of the Circle

“Friends, these are your gifts.  Circle, this is your community. 

Within this ritual you have oriented yourself to the earth, drawn on the strength of your ancestors and each other. 

You have released what no longer serves you to the sacred fire.

You have planted your heart’s intentions.

You have given and received symbolic gifts.

Now it is time to speak words of truth, to yourself and to each other, as we prepare to open the circle.  Please set down your gifts and join hands.”

Participants join hands, facilitator begins the final blessing.  This is often mysterious and surprising, so I don’t wish to script it here, but usually each participant says something meaningful and/or makes a vow or promise to carry through the intentions they have made.

We often close with a small statement, made together.  One I particularly love is:

“We begin in beauty, in beauty we begin.”

**Fin!**

As the circle dissolves be sure to put away all sacred objects.  Any ashes should be returned to the earth outside.  Then feast and make merry, for so begins the new!

For a Word Doc of the ceremony, click the link below to download... [image error] release_and_receive_ceremony.docFile Size: 40 kbFile Type: docDownload File