Proof

Of a mystical enchanted creature?
Nah.  But I wrote a book.  A whole one.  For real.  And that feels pretty unbelievable right about now.

On Thursday I received the galley proofs for the Moon Divas Guidebook.  I couldn't open them.  No, the file uploaded just fine, but there is something about this part of the process that I'm finding especially terrifying.

Which is funny because I love this book.  I believe in this book.  It is the synthesis of my work over many years with many women.  It is an artistic expression that aligns with all I believe, with who I am as a person.  Writing this book saw me out of five years of major life transitions, desperate instability, chronic illness and a soul shattering depression caused by stress, grief and lack of support.  This book healed me. (I am here reminded of Albert Goldbarth's poem, Library, which is a must read for all who love and believe in the power of books.)

Can you see why I might be reluctant to release it?  It is really different from most things in the publishing world.  It is imperfect, raw.  It is not an expression of my MFA education (though I couldn't have written it without going through that program), nor an extension of my professional aspirations.  It is an offering.  What I wish I could have encountered at some point.  It is what I love--art, earth alignment, spirituality, connectivity, women's stories, recipes and community.  It is part of me.

The decision to open the proofs took me a day and a half.  To enjoy the last week of summer with my children.  To hike, eat sun-warm tomatoes, rest in the grass and dream.  On a late evening walk, in a particularly spaced out moment I encountered a stone at my feet.  It read, "believe."

And because I believe this huge mystery is co-creative, I opened the file when I came home.
The short end of the story is that this process reminds me a lot of birth.  And if you are familiar with birth your may know the stage called transition, where the door is fully open and it's time to push that baby into being.  

And here we go.  
May possibility prevail.  May wonder never cease.