Nenia Campbell's Blog - Posts Tagged "rant"
How to Write and Publish a Book: A True-to-Life Guide
Step 1. Get an idea.
Step 2. Proceed to angst about the quality and validity of said idea. (This can take from several weeks to several months.)
Step 3. Attempt to write the book.
Step 4. I said, 'attempt to write the book.' Not fuck off on the internet.
Step 5. Fuck off on the internet. (See, you got the order wrong.)
Step 6. Continue to fuck off on the internet.
Step 7. Remember you have a book you were supposed to be working on.
Step 8. Attempt to write the book -- again.
Step 9. OH GOD. IT'S WORSE THAN YOU REMEMBERED.
Step 10. Break out the gin and tonic.
Step 11. Wonder if it's too late to go back to college and enroll in a career path that's slightly less masochistic.
Step 12. Despair, because it is. (You're a writer -- have you seen how much writers make? Have you seen how much tuition is? You're fucked, man.)
Step 13. Write one sentence. Delete it five minutes later.
Step 14. Read other books for inspiration, and then feel like shit because they're so much better than you are.
Step 15. Despair.
Step 16. Pour yourself a cup of coffee and stay up all night writing, because fuck the day people. Fuck the world.
Step 17. Crash into a caffeine-induced coma.
Step 18. Read what you've written. It's not entire crap. Maybe it's salvageable after --
Step 19. NOPE. DELETE. DELETE ALL.
Step 20. Realize that you spend more time unwriting than you do writing.
Step 21. Eventually write the book and publish it as quickly as possible because OH GOD YOU JUST REMEMBERED IT SUCKS. UNPUBLISH! UNPUBLISH!
Step 22. Too late. It's published. Fuck.
Step 2. Proceed to angst about the quality and validity of said idea. (This can take from several weeks to several months.)
Step 3. Attempt to write the book.
Step 4. I said, 'attempt to write the book.' Not fuck off on the internet.
Step 5. Fuck off on the internet. (See, you got the order wrong.)
Step 6. Continue to fuck off on the internet.
Step 7. Remember you have a book you were supposed to be working on.
Step 8. Attempt to write the book -- again.
Step 9. OH GOD. IT'S WORSE THAN YOU REMEMBERED.
Step 10. Break out the gin and tonic.
Step 11. Wonder if it's too late to go back to college and enroll in a career path that's slightly less masochistic.
Step 12. Despair, because it is. (You're a writer -- have you seen how much writers make? Have you seen how much tuition is? You're fucked, man.)
Step 13. Write one sentence. Delete it five minutes later.
Step 14. Read other books for inspiration, and then feel like shit because they're so much better than you are.
Step 15. Despair.
Step 16. Pour yourself a cup of coffee and stay up all night writing, because fuck the day people. Fuck the world.
Step 17. Crash into a caffeine-induced coma.
Step 18. Read what you've written. It's not entire crap. Maybe it's salvageable after --
Step 19. NOPE. DELETE. DELETE ALL.
Step 20. Realize that you spend more time unwriting than you do writing.
Step 21. Eventually write the book and publish it as quickly as possible because OH GOD YOU JUST REMEMBERED IT SUCKS. UNPUBLISH! UNPUBLISH!
Step 22. Too late. It's published. Fuck.
