Unyime-Ivy King's Blog, page 3

MUST I BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO MY SPOUSE TO BE?

Marriage is enjoyable when you do it right.





A happy couple


Recently, I heard the story of a young woman in her 30s, who was contemplating marriage with a man that she was not physically attracted to, nor loved,  but whom she wanted to marry in the hope that she would grow to love  and admire him later.  She disclosed that the guy's spoken English could detonate a bomb, but that she would forge ahead, because her pastor had convinced her that it was the right thing to do, and that he was God's will for her. On the strength of the counsel she got, she subdued her own doubts, and went ahead to marry him, but was miserable. Whenever  she and her husband went out together in public, she did her best to keep her distance and would pretend that they were not a couple. Everything he did, irritated her, and in no time, their home had become a breeding ground for quarrels/fights and she turned to the children for companionship. Some people are of the opinion that you must not necessarily be attracted to your husband/wife to be, before you decide to marry him,  while others believe that this is one of the requirements that must be present before they give the nod to a potential life partner. 
Marriage is an important step in life and one must go into it carefully. Your choice of spouse could make or mar you for life. If you rush into marriage, you will rush out at the slightest hint of challenges, but if you take your time and do it right, you will have staying power when the challenges begin to hit, because they will-every marriage will face challenges at one point or the other. It is important to involve God in your decision, by seeking His counsel through the Bible, and allowing His word to be the standard from which your decision to marry is based. One should not disregard completely, nor belittle the counsel of godly/responsible friends, parents, and pastors-they have their place; a pastor is important, and is invaluable in giving counsel, but with all due respect, no pastor, or anyone for that matter, should
play God in your life nor override what you have heard from God, with their own counsel. The pastor, and others are only supposed to confirm what God
has told you in the place of prayer, and not make
your decisions for you.  You must weigh any counsel you receive against what the Bible says, and discard any counsel that contradicts what the Bible says. Remember the Berean Christians of the Bible?
They always went back to the scriptures to search/confirm what they
heard in church. Acts 17:11, puts it this way in the New Living Translation (©2007):

"And
the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica,
and they listened eagerly to Paul's message. They searched the
Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the
truth."

That being said, marriage has its physical as well as
spiritual sides. Note that marriage ends here on earth, and there's no
marriage in Heaven, hence, it's important to find that much needed
balance. As a child of God, Jesus Christ is supposed to be the foundation of your marriage, but note also, that the marriage will be lived out here on earth. Check through scriptures, the great fathers of our
faith like, Abraham and Isaac, all found their wives attractive. While what
constitutes physical attraction for one, may differ for another, let's not spiritualise what should not be, nor go against our better instincts/inner prompting to settle for people we are not attracted to, or really love, just because we want to marry. If you are not physically
attracted to your spouse, there will be a big problem because you will not be proud of him/her and neither will you respect them. Lack of respect and admiration for one's partner can become the root cause of so many other problems in the relationship. There are so many married people who do everything they can not to appear with their spouses in public because they are ashamed of them; this could hurt the other partner deeply. Check what
happened when Jacob ended up with Leah, instead of Rachael, for a wife.
He was willing to work another 7 years to get the woman he truly loved
and was attracted to. You can read the detailed account in Genesis chapters 29-35. However, I am not advocating that you leave your husband/wife  on the excuse of not being physically attracted to them. If you made the decision to marry them and you are in it already, then you must be prepared to stick it out, and make it work. What I am saying is that, before you venture into the marriage, you must be sure that you truly love the person you are getting married to in every sense of the word. I believe that physical attraction is also an important part and parcel of love, amongst many other components. I agree that you will not see 100% of the
qualities you desire in a life partner, and not every flaw is a deal
breaker, but you need to ask yourself if you will be patient/trusting
enough to wait it out until God does a work of transformation and also
be prepared to deal with a situation where He doesn't. Some people may be married to people who are not physically appealing, but whose character profiles are impeccable, and are enjoying their marriages and having the time of their lives, while others could be married to people, who are flawlessly handsome/beautiful, but are ugly on the inside, and are living in perpetual misery.  On the whole, you
can never go wrong praying. Pray, pray and pray again! I say this because, sometimes, people may come into our lives, and the key to their transformation from ugly ducklings to swans, lie in our hands, and I am not just saying this literally. When we pray with open minds, we will see clearly what decision to make about the choice of a husband/wife.

What's your take?  Is it possible to love someone, and not be physically attracted to them as well? Do you agree that physical attraction,  is an important component of love?  Is it a prerequisite for marriage, or can we dare to venture in the hope that it would develop later?

MUST I BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO MY SPOUSE TO BE?

Marriage is enjoyable when you do it right.





A happy couple


Recently, I heard the story of a young woman in her 30s, who was contemplating marriage with a man that she was not physically attracted to, nor loved,  but whom she wanted to marry in the hope that she would grow to love  and admire him later.  She disclosed that the guy's spoken English could detonate a bomb, but that she would forge ahead, because her pastor had convinced her that it was the right thing to do, and that he was God's will for her. On the strength of the counsel she got, she subdued her own doubts, and went ahead to marry him, but was miserable. Whenever  she and her husband went out together in public, she did her best to keep her distance and would pretend that they were not a couple. Everything he did, irritated her, and in no time, their home had become a breeding ground for quarrels/fights and she turned to the children for companionship. Some people are of the opinion that you must not necessarily be attracted to your husband/wife to be, before you decide to marry him,  while others believe that this is one of the requirements that must be present before they give the nod to a potential life partner. 
Marriage is an important step in life and one must go into it carefully. Your choice of spouse could make or mar you for life. If you rush into marriage, you will rush out at the slightest hint of challenges, but if you take your time and do it right, you will have staying power when the challenges begin to hit, because they will-every marriage will face challenges at one point or the other. It is important to involve God in your decision, by seeking His counsel through the Bible, and allowing His word to be the standard from which your decision to marry is based. One should not disregard completely, nor belittle the counsel of godly/responsible friends, parents, and pastors-they have their place; a pastor is important, and is invaluable in giving counsel, but with all due respect, no pastor, or anyone for that matter, should
play God in your life nor override what you have heard from God, with their own counsel. The pastor, and others are only supposed to confirm what God
has told you in the place of prayer, and not make
your decisions for you.  You must weigh any counsel you receive against what the Bible says, and discard any counsel that contradicts what the Bible says. Remember the Berean Christians of the Bible?
They always went back to the scriptures to search/confirm what they
heard in church. Acts 17:11, puts it this way in the New Living Translation (©2007):

"And
the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica,
and they listened eagerly to Paul's message. They searched the
Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the
truth."

That being said, marriage has its physical as well as
spiritual sides. Note that marriage ends here on earth, and there's no
marriage in Heaven, hence, it's important to find that much needed
balance. As a child of God, Jesus Christ is supposed to be the foundation of your marriage, but note also, that the marriage will be lived out here on earth. Check through scriptures, the great fathers of our
faith like, Abraham and Isaac, all found their wives attractive. While what
constitutes physical attraction for one, may differ for another, let's not spiritualise what should not be, nor go against our better instincts/inner prompting to settle for people we are not attracted to, or really love, just because we want to marry. If you are not physically
attracted to your spouse, there will be a big problem because you will not be proud of him/her and neither will you respect them. Lack of respect and admiration for one's partner can become the root cause of so many other problems in the relationship. There are so many married people who do everything they can not to appear with their spouses in public because they are ashamed of them; this could hurt the other partner deeply. Check what
happened when Jacob ended up with Leah, instead of Rachael, for a wife.
He was willing to work another 7 years to get the woman he truly loved
and was attracted to. You can read the detailed account in Genesis chapters 29-35. However, I am not advocating that you leave your husband/wife  on the excuse of not being physically attracted to them. If you made the decision to marry them and you are in it already, then you must be prepared to stick it out, and make it work. What I am saying is that, before you venture into the marriage, you must be sure that you truly love the person you are getting married to in every sense of the word. I believe that physical attraction is also an important part and parcel of love, amongst many other components. I agree that you will not see 100% of the
qualities you desire in a life partner, and not every flaw is a deal
breaker, but you need to ask yourself if you will be patient/trusting
enough to wait it out until God does a work of transformation and also
be prepared to deal with a situation where He doesn't. Some people may be married to people who are not physically appealing, but whose character profiles are impeccable, and are enjoying their marriages and having the time of their lives, while others could be married to people, who are flawlessly handsome/beautiful, but are ugly on the inside, and are living in perpetual misery.  On the whole, you
can never go wrong praying. Pray, pray and pray again! I say this because, sometimes, people may come into our lives, and the key to their transformation from ugly ducklings to swans, lie in our hands, and I am not just saying this literally. When we pray with open minds, we will see clearly what decision to make about the choice of a husband/wife.

What's your take?  Is it possible to love someone, and not be physically attracted to them as well? Do you agree that physical attraction,  is an important component of love?  Is it a prerequisite for marriage, or can we dare to venture in the hope that it would develop later?

Chevelle to perform at massive Nigeria concert - Entertainment - Jamaica Gleaner - Thursday | December 6, 2012

Chevelle to perform at massive Nigeria concert - Entertainment - Jamaica Gleaner - Thursday | December 6, 2012

Chevelle to perform at massive Nigeria concert - Entertainment - Jamaica Gleaner - Thursday | December 6, 2012

Chevelle to perform at massive Nigeria concert - Entertainment - Jamaica Gleaner - Thursday | December 6, 2012

THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE.

 

Never EVER Talk Bad Of Your Husband To Anyone…Learn!!!
 

A
friend sent me the link to this story, which was also shared by a
writer who like me, does not know the original author of this insightful
piece. I could not resist sharing this, as it contains a lot of useful
lessons for all married people, and those intending to marry. Enjoy the
story, do not miss out on the lessons, and share, as others could learn
from this too. Beautiful story. Really nice one. It is laden with
life lessons for all. The kind of friends we keep, and the kind of
counsel they give us could make or mar our marriages.


One of the
things I learned early, even before I got married, was the avoidance of
unnecessary comparisons/talking ill of my man. I've learned that often
times, people give counsel based on their negative experiences and
project it on to you. If you are not wise, you get drawn in, act on it
and mess up your marriage.

4 solid lessons I learned from this story:
1. Chose your friends wisely.
2. Consciously filter the counsel you receive. Be careful who you listen to.
3. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and not all that glitters is gold.
4. Learn to appreciate and confess positive things about your spouse

How about you?



“Biyi hasn’t worked
for that long?” Dayo’s voice drips with resentment. “For real?” “He’s
been trying,” I say in feeble attempt to defend my husband. “You know
how the economy is.”

…My husband and I had vowed never to bring
in a third party into our relationship but with a bank account screaming
for revival, I need to share my burden with someone else. I grip the
phone. Dayo is unusually quiet. “You still there?” I ask. “Hello?” “I am
here,” she says. “I just didn’t know things were this bad. And all this
while, I thought Biyi was providing for the home.” But he is, I argue
silently. Well, maybe not financially for now, but in every way else,
Biyi is a rock. “It’s not that bad.” My words sound frail. Dayo clucks
her tongue. “You might as well be a widow.”
The words hit me like a fist. “Na you I blame,” she continues, oblivious to the damage her words have caused.

“Me? Why?” She is blaming me for this? Seriously?
“Why do you keep paying the bills?”
“Because there is no one else to do it,” I protest, upset.
“For real? He drives your car too?”
“He needs it,” I mutter. “To attend job interviews and stuff. He gets back late sometimes.”
“How late are you talking?
“Nine, ten…ish.”

Dayo
pauses for a second. “I hate to say this gurl, but your husband
spending your money on another woman.” Whoa! Hang on. Where did that
come from? “Haba, Dayo. Biyi would never—” “Look, I know men,” she
slices in. “You are his moneybag and he will take you for a ride as long
as it takes. Where is your dignity, gurl?” Ride. Dignity. Moneybag.
Ouch. “But he’s a good guy,” I manage. Can my husband be using me? It
had never crossed my mind in the past, but I now wonder if Biyi is
actually having an affair.

“I trust my wonderful Dennis…,” Dayo
is saying. I barely listen. My eyes are on the clock. It’s almost
midnight and Biyi isn’t home. I force myself to hear what Dayo is saying
about Dennis Ono, her multimillionaire-oil- company-golden-husband.
Gosh I envy her life, her perfect marriage. “My marriage is wonderful,”
Dayo says, as if in affirmation to my undeclared words. “But only
because I show Dennis who the boss is. He cannot try nonsense with me.
Abi, you think it’s easy to get ten thousand pounds a month as pocket
money?” She really gets ten grand a month? That’s like, my entire annual
salary in my crappy job plus bonuses. Life is unfair. Honestly. “I am
Biyi’s wife,” I say. “I cannot just desert him.” Or can I? At this rate…
“In that case,” there is an edge to her voice now, “give him an
ultimatum. He gets a job in two weeks or you are out of that marriage.”

“I—”
“Look, I know his type,” she says with conviction. “He conveniently won’t get a job as long as you keep dishing out your money.”
“But—”
“Starve him,” she adds. “No sex. Make life hell. You are not an ATM machine.”

Keys
jangle in the hallway. Biyi is home. “Talk later,” I say to Dayo. “He’s
back.” “Stand your ground,” Dayo whispers menacingly. “Ultimatum. Two
weeks.” I hang up with a sigh. My husband is leaning against the door
frame. For a second my heart falters. He looks tired, drawn. But Dayo’s
words punctuate my compassion. “Where have you been?” Biyi gives me a
side smile. “No hug?” I jerk my head at the wall clock.” Its midnight.”
“I had a job interview in Birmingham,” he says. “I called you tell you I
was stuck in traffic but I kept getting your voicemail. What’s wrong?” I
cock my head. Is that a whiff of female perfume? It is. Dayo is right.
He has been with another woman. With my car. Spending my money. My head
spins. “Biyi,” I glare at him, “Where are you coming from?” He steps
back, surprised. “I went to Birmingham—”
“Did you get it?” I screech. “The job?”
Biyi shakes his head. “I didn’t—”
This is the last straw. I wrench my hand out. “My car keys.”
He gives me a hard level stare. “What is wrong with you, Toni? Did I offend you?”
“Pass my keys!”

He
thrusts the car keys to into my palm. I push past him, grab my duffel
bag and stuff my overnight things into it. I know I am acting crazy but I
have to show him that I would not be taken for a ride. That I am not a
moneybag. That I have dignity. I zip the bag up and spin around. My
husband is staring at me. “Is everything all right with you,
sweetheart?”
“Get out of my way.”
“Where are you going with that bag?”
“I need to clear my head.” I am still yelling.
“Can we talk first?” Biyi suggests.
“I don’t want to talk. Get out of my way.”
He
moves out of my path. I swipe a hand across my face, smearing my cheeks
with mascara. “Don’t look for me. I will be back when my head clears.” I
rush out of the house, jump into my car. My rage doubles as the
feminine scent permeates the car. He has been with a woman in my car. I
feel like an idiot.

* * *

I pull up in front of Dayo’s
mansion. Her husband’s Porsche is in the driveway, and the porch lights
illuminate my dreary form as I reach the door. I ball my fists to knock,
but a scream freezes the motion.
“Kill me!” I hear Dayo scream.
“Good for nothing idiot. Womaniser of the century!” Whoa. Momentarily, I
am unable to move. My hand hovers in the air. Dull thuds, muffled
screams. Dennis curses. “I warned you never to serve me stew that is not
freshly cooked!” “Am I your slave?” Dayo yells back. “If you want fresh
stew, get your PA to cook it for you. Or you think I don’t know about
her? You think…”
Dayo’s words are silenced by another thump. My hands
fall to my side as a flurry of blows stifle her cries. I want call the
police, do something…anything. But I cannot move. And so I shut my eyes
tight and listen as my friend is pummelled by her husband. The beating
stops. I should dash to my car, but something holds me back. “I am sorry
I got you upset darling,” Dayo finally says. Her voice is laced with
pain. “It is my fault. I should have cooked for you. I…Toni wouldn’t let
me get off the phone…its her fault.”
“Next time you talk to me like
that, I will tattoo a punch on your forehead,” Dennis growls. “Get into
the kitchen and make me fresh stew. And do something about that leech
you call a friend.”
That is enough for me. I sprint back to my car and drive home.

* * *
A
knock sounds on the window. Biyi. I wind down and he gives me a smile.
“Head clear now?” he asks. “Leave me alone,” I mutter. Dayo’s wonderful
Denis beats her up? And she never mentioned?
“I will leave you alone
in two seconds,” Biyi says. There is a twinkle in his eyes. “But first,
get out of the car.” I oblige, grudgingly. “What?” He reaches under the
car seat and pulls out a small basket. “I didn’t come home straight from
the interview. I stopped over at the Perfume shop to get you this.” He
hands the basket over. Inside is a range of exotic feminine perfumes and
a small card. I pull the card open, read the words: “Thank you for your
support during the hardest times of my life! I love you.”

“That’s
why I was late,” he explains as he pulls me into a warm embrace. “You
have been so good to me, Toni. I couldn’t have asked for a better wife.”
I can’t reply. My throat is lumpy.
“When you left the house to clear
your head, I got a call back from the recruiter,” he says with a beam.
“God answers prayers, babe. I got the job. It’s a package you won’t
believe. Let’s go in. I’ll tuck you into bed and you can tell me what’s
bothering you?”

* * *
I awaken to a text message from Dayo.
“Denis is flying me to Seychelles this weekend. This is what you get
when you stand your ground. You have to be a no nonsense gurl! Don’t you
just love my life? Ciao sweetheart xxx.”

I type a quick response back: “Ciao! and i deleted her number right away.

Now,
this is one story every woman should read. The grass is never greener
on the other side, best believe that. No matter how good a friend’s
marriage it, NEVER EVER compare with yours. It’s DEADLY and could cost
you so much!

by Abimbola Dare

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

CAN ADULTERY BE JUSTIFIED?


Proverbs 5

Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)


Avoid Seduction


5 My son, pay attention to my wisdom;
listen closely[a] to my understanding
2 so that you may maintain discretion
and your lips safeguard knowledge.
3 Though the lips of the forbidden woman drip honey
and her words are[b] smoother than oil,
4 in the end she’s as bitter as wormwood
and as sharp as a double-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death;
her steps head straight for Sheol.
6 She doesn’t consider the path of life;
she doesn’t know that her ways are unstable.



7 So now, my sons, listen to me,
and don’t turn away from the words of my mouth.
8 Keep your way far from her.
Don’t go near the door of her house.
9 Otherwise, you will give up your vitality to others
and your years to someone cruel;
10 strangers will drain your resources,
and your earnings will end up in a foreigner’s house.
11 At the end of your life, you will lament
when your physical body has been consumed,
12 and you will say, “How I hated discipline,
and how my heart despised correction.
13 I didn’t obey my teachers
or listen closely[c] to my mentors.
14 I am on the verge of complete ruin
before the entire community.”


Enjoy Marriage

15 Drink water from your own cistern,
water flowing from your own well.
16 Should your springs flow in the streets,
streams of water in the public squares?
17 They should be for you alone
and not for you to share with strangers.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful fawn—
let her breasts always satisfy you;
be lost in her love forever.
20 Why, my son, would you be infatuated
with a forbidden woman
or embrace the breast of a stranger?
21 For a man’s ways are before the Lord’s eyes,
and He considers all his paths.

 

Hi everyone, welcome to a brand new month, and week. This is the last month of the year, and I know that it really gets hectic for so many people as they prepare for the festivities that come with this time of the year, and plan ahead for the up coming year.  I originally planned to do a series of
stories on the menace of child sexual abuse, but I have decided to hold on, because  I will not be able to do justice to the topic at this time. My church is preparing to host the Experience, 2012
on the 7th of December at the TBS in Lagos, and this week is going to be a hectic one, as preparations heat up for the hosting of this greatest, interdenominational, gospel music concert of all times.









 I came across an update by one of my Facebook friends, Kate Halim, and asked permission to share. I would love your thoughts on this, but before I proceed, I will share a discussion that I had this morning, on infidelity with a friend, after she sent me the poster above.  I had sent her the link to this post, and she responded by sending me the poster above, via black berry messenger.




Friend: 

Morning dear, this is part of my reply to your
question, ‘How Much is too Much?’ When men spend too
much time trying to satisfy  all and sundry and are not able to satisfy the main
one. Abeg! It
becomes too much.











Me: 

(Laughing) Thanks for sharing the poster. I will upload
it to my blog.  A lot of women are ready to take
anything the man dishes out-they mostly seem to condone it, by saying that men
are  like that,
or that, it’s the woman’s fault.

Friend:

Yes, o. They
will round it up by saying that you are not doing your bit as a wife.

Me: 

Or that, the woman is not satisfying the man in some
way. So, the man is not held accountable for his
actions. Even the fact that he is  a
Christian, and is accountable to God, does not seem to count for
something. It is only the woman, who is expected to work out her salvation with
fear and trembling
while the man does what he likes because, ‘men are like that.’ That’s what a
lot of women are
saying indirectly, when they justify a man’s philandering ways.  It’s over spiricoco. I  no dey.

Friend:  

 My dear, I
tire o. Can you imagine that? Sometimes we encourage our men to do the  things they do. Honestly, some Christian women make it look like a sin to
voice your unhappiness
to your partner, at his maltreatment of you. They believe that  you should just suffer
in silence, but this can lead to high blood pressure, stroke. Mental issues,
and so on. Who
loses at the end of the day? The children, who now become deprived of a mother, either
through ill health, or death. And what does the man do? He runs after another woman.
I am with you, I no dey! Gbam!

Me:

Very correct. I
expect my husband to be faithful, even as I stay faithful, and I make demands on his faithfulness, but  I know that
he will be tempted. He is human...

Friend:   

Thank you,
but so can a woman too.

Me: 

It is comforting to see a man strive to ensure that he  stays faithful, despite the temptations. Yes, lots of
women cheat as well.

Friend: 

A man once said that it is a thing of the mind. If
you make up your mind not to cheat, you won’t.
Just walk away from it, but you stay there, near where the sin is, you can’t
resist, then you
fall. And some after they fall, are not
repentant.

Me:

Which is
difficult for many men-walking away. They just give in to their lusts because
it is easier to do so,
than walk away. And because, they know that their wives will take their rubbish and keep on taking.

Friend:

I can excuse
a one time cheat, maybe twice, but consistently, abeg, you are out of the door o.

Me:

No woman
should condone it.

Friend:

But they do,
and suffer in silence. No way! I have my life to live, and I intend to live it
in peace as
God wanted it.






A lot of women say that the man can cheat as long as he lives up to his responsibilities at home, as long as he protects himself, or she does not know about  it. So much has been said on this topic, but note that adultery, is not just the exclusive preserve of the men; a lot of women cheat as well, but people tend to excuse and rationalize a man's adultery, more than the woman's because it is widely argued that the man is polygamous by nature. This makes it look as if two sets of rules apply-one for the women, and another, for the men, but can cheating be justified for any reason at all? How much is too much for a woman to take from a cheating man in the name of marriage?  Is cheating a deal breaker in a relationship? How would you handle it, if you discovered that your man was cheating? Below, is the status update by Kate:







Any
woman who has a serial cheating husband, and doesn't hold him
accountable, but is letting him come back to be intimate is just plain
stupid on her part. The man has no fear of God, lacks respect for you as
his wife, has commitment issues, and probably is not accountable to
anyone sensible who can tell him the truth and call him to order when is
heading down the road of destruction. A man who sleeps with 2 or more
girls or women aside his wife without protection needs to be left alone.
At the end of the day, his wife suffers for his escapades when he
catches the dreaded virus. And yet, society wants her to stick with him,
always clean up his silly acts and ultimately die with him because she
has to be a virtuous woman. After all, he takes care of her and she
shouldn't complain about his philandering ways. As a matter of fact, she
is supposed to close her eyes to his numerous affairs, pretend it is
not happening, and even run from church to church to pray for him while
he is having fun with everything in skirt, trousers and pants. It is
time to hold men accountable for their actions. Women are not robots!
There's a limit to what someone can take from another human being in a
marriage.

               -Kate Halim

MAID IN HEAVEN...

...A Faithful Maid, Who Can Find?

 Colossians 3:22 (NASB) Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on
earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of
heart, fearing the Lord.



Mrs. Iniobong Etim Inyang







I first met Mercy, about 11 years ago at my friend, Iniobong Inyang's house. I had come in from Osogbo, Osun State, where I was on my NYSC assignment, to Lagos, to spend the weekend at Iniobong's. She was preparing for the dedication of her first, or second baby, and had invited me over to be a part of the day. I noticed Mercy's joviality, ever smiling  disposition, plus her expertise at cooking beans, which, became a standard joke over the years, as hubby and I would always ask for Mercy's special beans, as soon as we were over at the Etim Inyang's. And over the years, Mercy has grown and blossomed, as she faithfully served her employers. A lot of women have groaned in agony, over the horrors that their domestic servants have put them through and indeed, so may tales of woe have been told, about the havoc that domestic servants have wreaked in the homes where they were employed, but bad as it sounds, good ones exist. Iniobong seems to be one of those women, that have been fortunate to be blessed by a maid, who not only served her  and her family faithfully for over 14 years, but ended up with a home of her own as well-God's reward for diligence.  Mercy's story is a success story of sorts, a deviation from the norm, a story of hope that not every maid we employ, will do us bad. An attestation to the fact that, God can raise any man up from the dust and cause him to sit among Kings/Princes. This week, I present Mercy's story as told to me by Iniobong, who proudly declares that, Mercy is the 'Adiagha' (first daughter) of her home.Watch this space for Mercy's side of the story as well. 



Q: Give a brief of yourself.



Mercy-maid par excellence-before



 A. I'm  Mrs. Iniobong
Etim Inyang. I was born in the early 70s and I've being a banker for the
better part of my working experience. I graduated from the University of Calabar in 1996  with a B.sc in Accounting. I have an MBA from the University
of Lagos in 2007. I have worked in Zenith bank for 10 years as a Marketing Officer, heading different units: retail, consumer banking etc.
I have also worked in UBA bank as a Business Manager heading one of the
branches on Lagos island. Presently, I am a Manager in Sterling bank
heading a branch in Lagos island as well. I got married in 1997 to my soul-mate
and best friend, Engr. Etim okon Inyang jnr ,a Civil Engineer by
profession. We are blessed with four wonderful children-3 handsome boys and a cute girl, who is the baby of the family. Their ages range
from 15 years to 4 years old. I am from Ibiono Ibom from Akwa Ibom state but my hubby is from Mbo local government Area. I'm an only girl in a family of 4 children.
My childhood days was sheltered and my parents were God fearing, but strict. It
was also full of love, togetherness and respect for others/ ourselves.





Mercy-after



Q. How soon after your marriage did you begin to have maids?



A. I got married in May, 1997, but my hubby and I decided that we would  not
employ any maid until we began to have children, as we wanted to
have time for ourselves before the babies come. For this reason, we only got to
employ a maid in February 1998 after the arrival of our first son.



Mercy with one of the boys.





Q. What has your experiences with maids been like and on the average, how many maids have you had so far?



Q. Well, that's a tricky one, but on the average I can say that my
experiences with maids have being fair. Mercy was the first maid I had far
back in 1998 but over the years I have had at least 10 other maids who
have passed through my house. Mercy has being a constant throughout the
years in spite of the spate of different maids that I have had.





Q. Mercy has been your success story when it comes to maids. Tell us briefly about her and how she came into your employ.



Mercy on her wedding day.



A. Mercy
Ibong was actually introduced to me by my maternal aunt when I went to
Uyo in 1998, my hometown to do amugwo . I can remember at that time that
my mum was insistent that we find a godly girl and went all out to tell
her friends and relatives. My aunt who lives in a remote village in
Uyo recommended mercy, also from that village, because she knew her to be
respectful and hardworking. Mercy was an orphan, living with an aunt who was maltreating her. My aunty, however,
liked her because,  in spite of all the maltreatment, she went about doing her chores
without any complain. At that young age, she was only 12 then, Mercy was always going to the
farm, making palm oil,  fetching water from streams, hawking,  tirelessly. My aunty wanted
someone that will take care of her and she felt that I would do that. Mercy
is the last of 3 children and was orphaned at the young age of 3 years.
Before she came to live with me, she attended a local primary school
intermittently because of lack of school fees.





Mercy, her madam, and husband





Mrs. Iniobong Etim Inyang

Q. From
the out set, did you notice anything special about her or her character
which suggested that she would be different from the other maids you've had?
Her relationship with your kids/family etc.



From the beginning, I could
see that mercy had a teachable spirit.
She was quick to learn, had a very pleasant disposition, and took ownership position of
her job. The agreement with her family was that I should pay her 3k as
her monthly salary. Shortly after we returned to Lagos, she came to me
one day to say that I shouldn't pay her any money, but rather, that I should let her work
for me and later on, I can decide to train or send her to school. Such was
her commitment to the family. Another incident that stands out clearly was
when my infant son was very sick; my husband had traveled and I
panicked. One of my fears then was, whether mercy had done something to
the child, because those were days when most of the housemaids were suspected to
be witches , so you can imagine my fear. I was just crying, she calmly
picked up the baby and started praying and crying. I remember her saying
that, God should intervene and heal the child, that she was employed to
take care of the baby and if anything happens to the child, it means she
will have to go back to the pitiful place she came from. And God heard
the prayer because my son recovered speedily after that- such was her
commitment. She was always quick to apologize when she had done something wrong.
She took care of the kids like she would, her younger ones. I can remember in
church those days, no one believed she was a maid; they all believed she
was my relative because of the way she cared for my children, asides the fact that she was always well dressed. Everybody loved Mercy, in
church, home, everywhere we went, because she always went out of her way to make the next
person comfortable and happy. Her relationship with my husband had
always being cordial and respectful. To me, she is the younger sister I
have always wished for, but never had.





Q. Have you had any major conflicts and how were they resolved? Any threats about leaving from her?



Radiant bride, Mercy.





A. When people live together, there is bound to be conflict from time to time. We had series of
conflict. There was a time she and another maid that I had at the time,
connived and went out without informing me for two  days.  I was so
angry,  and I remember chasing both of them out and telling them
never to enter my house again. The other maid left, but mercy went
and appealed to one of my older cousins to come and beg on her behalf. When
she started going to school, there were issues of  coming home late, keeping
questionable friends, and so on, but Mercy
would always come back and beg. She was not one to bear grudges and would always say
that, she will never allow the devil to destroy her by spoiling her
relationship with me. She had the firm belief that since she was an
orphan, that God had appointed me to be a blessing to her. Another
incident that stands out vividly was when the family went to Uyo in 2004
for a family engagement. Mercy requested  permission to go visit
her relatives in the village. Two days later, I went with a close friend, Queen Okon, to pick her up, only to be told by her family that mercy had decided not to come back with us to Lagos, rather I was asked to
monetize her years of service and give the money to the family. I
requested to see her in order to hear from her, but the family refused.
However, on going out to my car to leave, we saw mercy standing with
her luggage by the car, waiting for me. She told the relatives that she was going with me
and that no one would stop her, so I took back home to Lagos with me. Subsequently,
anytime we traveled to Uyo, she would refuse to visit her village, preferring to
visit her siblings instead, who were also working as domestic servants with other families.
Yes,we had series of conflict, especially during the teenage years, but
the difference was that, she was always quick to apologize, never frowned, but move
ahead as if the incident never occurred. It's difficult not to like someone
like that.



Q . What has your relationship with her relatives been like? 



A. Many
times, she was asked to return as recounted above, but she always
declined. According to her, going back to the village meant going back to
marry a carpenter, palm wine tapper, vulcanizer, or any other artisan, and be forced to have children every year.
She wanted something better for her life. From time to time, I sent
money/wrappers to her aunt who raised her because, she was always
attacking my maternal aunt for taking mercy away from her. This she
claimed made her age fast as she had to do all her back breaking chores
alone- this coming from a woman who had 10 kids of her own. It just goes to
show how some people take advantage of the less privilege. Also, I would
send money to her older brother, who had a small kiosk in Uyo main market,
and her elder sister who was having problems in a violent/abusive marriage.





 Q. How long has Mercy lived with you?  How did she meet her hubby? Share the story.



A. Mercy has lived with me for over 14 years. She finished her secondary
school education in 2005 and went on to read Catering/Hotel Management
in the renowned YetKem Catering school in Allen. She has always had a
flair for cooking so, I wasn't surprised when she opted to do catering as
opposed to going to the university. She graduated as one of their
topmost student in 2008 and won most of the awards for the graduating
class of that year. She met her husband, Mr. Emmanuel Udoh, in a singles
program in Trem Church headquarters , Obanikoro. She was in the exco of the
singles fellowship of our local church, Trem Magodo. They had a singles
retreat and there, she met her husband, who was the president of the singles
group at Trem, ketu. That was sometime in late 2009 and the rest they
say is history. Emmanuel is an accountant  from Ini local govt area of Akwa Ibom State.



Q. How has life been after Mercy left?





A. Life after mercy
has being surreal. Mercy is a bundle of energy being that she is so full of
life, energetic, always bubbling and generally noisy. My kids are the
worst hit becos they are missing her terribly. It took them some time to
adjust to not seeing Mercy at home, making shawarma, playing and
generally  gisting and jesting with them. For me, I feel like a proud mum that has given out her
daughter in marriage. I miss her and I have to constantly refrain from
outrightly comparing my present helps to Mercy. The good part is that
she is just 30 minutes and a phone call away, so that helps.



Q. A word of advice to employers of domestic hands especially the wives. Learning points.



A. My
advice to fellow women is that, we should love these girls that we have
decided to bring into our homes. I am a firm believer in love. I believe
it conquers nearly all the hurts/wounds of life. Wickedness breeds
wickedness, I know/ hear about women who don't allow their maids to eat
in their homes, but yet, they leave their children with these same maids.
What an irony! Some sleep on the bare floor, wear tattered clothing, are
overworked ,overbeaten and are generally traumatized by their employers,
all because they are househelps. My take has always being that the
difference between that maid and the employer, is the grace and favor of God. We did not choose where, how and to whom we would be born, so
what right do we have to treat the less privileged wickedly? Also, I
believe that being a blessing to these maids will also open doors of
favour to our children and their generations after them, because, nobody knows tomorrow and
what it could bring. Hence, let's build a foundation that will not rise
against our children in future. I know that some of these maids could be
really evil/wicked, no matter how much we try to reorientate them. My
take again is, to let them go, return them to their families, rather than keeping them
with you and 'dealing' with them to teach them a lesson. Let's learn to
be attentive to them and help them out when we can .

Don't always
justify your lack of care and negligence with, ''after all am paying you, use your money!'' Learn to give them
perks, and give them a sense of belonging. And above all, learn to pray
with them. God sees what we can not see. Take them to church, expose
them to spiritual things, and lift them up to God constantly in prayer.
He will protect and make your home joyous even as you open your home/heart to them. Another advice is that always keep an open heart; some of us have a
mindset that maids are wicked, or are the necessary evil. This
thinking is erroneous and robs us of objectivity. I have had maids
other than Mercy, that I'm still training till date though they are no
longer with me. The reason is that, I went beyond the call of duty to get
to know them and the challenges they are facing. Let's all lend a
helping hand to these people. God will bless us as we do so



Q . Terms of agreement on employment.

A. Before
employing any maid, especially in today's world, you must insist on
guarantors and make sure those guarantors are verified. You must have their passport
photographs and their addresses/ phone numbers of their next of kin. The
rules of engagement must be understood by both parties.



P/S When Mercy was preparing for her wedding, her Ini asked all her friends to contribute 10k each toward the success of that wedding. I was one of the people, who gladly did, without a second thought, because her faithful service to Ini touched me a great deal. Whether you are a domestic servant or serving in any other capacity, put in your best and you can be sure that your service will not be in vain.  Do share your experiences with maids, and If you have questions arising from this story, please post them. I am sure that, Mrs. Etim Inyang would be happy to respond to them.

MAID IN HEAVEN...

...A Faithful Maid, Who Can Find?

 Colossians 3:22 (NASB) Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on
earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of
heart, fearing the Lord.



Mrs. Iniobong Etim Inyang







I first met Mercy, about 11 years ago at my friend, Iniobong Inyang's house. I had come in from Osogbo, Osun State, where I was on my NYSC assignment, to Lagos, to spend the weekend at Iniobong's. She was preparing for the dedication of her first, or second baby, and had invited me over to be a part of the day. I noticed Mercy's joviality, ever smiling  disposition, plus her expertise at cooking beans, which, became a standard joke over the years, as hubby and I would always ask for Mercy's special beans, as soon as we were over at the Etim Inyang's. And over the years, Mercy has grown and blossomed, as she faithfully served her employers. A lot of women have groaned in agony, over the horrors that their domestic servants have put them through and indeed, so may tales of woe have been told, about the havoc that domestic servants have wreaked in the homes where they were employed, but bad as it sounds, good ones exist. Iniobong seems to be one of those women, that have been fortunate to be blessed by a maid, who not only served her  and her family faithfully for over 14 years, but ended up with a home of her own as well-God's reward for diligence.  Mercy's story is a success story of sorts, a deviation from the norm, a story of hope that not every maid we employ, will do us bad. An attestation to the fact that, God can raise any man up from the dust and cause him to sit among Kings/Princes. This week, I present Mercy's story as told to me by Iniobong, who proudly declares that, Mercy is the 'Adiagha' (first daughter) of her home.Watch this space for Mercy's side of the story as well. 



Q: Give a brief of yourself.



Mercy-maid par excellence-before



 A. I'm  Mrs. Iniobong
Etim Inyang. I was born in the early 70s and I've being a banker for the
better part of my working experience. I graduated from the University of Calabar in 1996  with a B.sc in Accounting. I have an MBA from the University
of Lagos in 2007. I have worked in Zenith bank for 10 years as a Marketing Officer, heading different units: retail, consumer banking etc.
I have also worked in UBA bank as a Business Manager heading one of the
branches on Lagos island. Presently, I am a Manager in Sterling bank
heading a branch in Lagos island as well. I got married in 1997 to my soul-mate
and best friend, Engr. Etim okon Inyang jnr ,a Civil Engineer by
profession. We are blessed with four wonderful children-3 handsome boys and a cute girl, who is the baby of the family. Their ages range
from 15 years to 4 years old. I am from Ibiono Ibom from Akwa Ibom state but my hubby is from Mbo local government Area. I'm an only girl in a family of 4 children.
My childhood days was sheltered and my parents were God fearing, but strict. It
was also full of love, togetherness and respect for others/ ourselves.





Mercy-after



Q. How soon after your marriage did you begin to have maids?



A. I got married in May, 1997, but my hubby and I decided that we would  not
employ any maid until we began to have children, as we wanted to
have time for ourselves before the babies come. For this reason, we only got to
employ a maid in February 1998 after the arrival of our first son.



Mercy with one of the boys.





Q. What has your experiences with maids been like and on the average, how many maids have you had so far?



Q. Well, that's a tricky one, but on the average I can say that my
experiences with maids have being fair. Mercy was the first maid I had far
back in 1998 but over the years I have had at least 10 other maids who
have passed through my house. Mercy has being a constant throughout the
years in spite of the spate of different maids that I have had.





Q. Mercy has been your success story when it comes to maids. Tell us briefly about her and how she came into your employ.



Mercy on her wedding day.



A. Mercy
Ibong was actually introduced to me by my maternal aunt when I went to
Uyo in 1998, my hometown to do amugwo . I can remember at that time that
my mum was insistent that we find a godly girl and went all out to tell
her friends and relatives. My aunt who lives in a remote village in
Uyo recommended mercy, also from that village, because she knew her to be
respectful and hardworking. Mercy was an orphan, living with an aunt who was maltreating her. My aunty, however,
liked her because,  in spite of all the maltreatment, she went about doing her chores
without any complain. At that young age, she was only 12 then, Mercy was always going to the
farm, making palm oil,  fetching water from streams, hawking,  tirelessly. My aunty wanted
someone that will take care of her and she felt that I would do that. Mercy
is the last of 3 children and was orphaned at the young age of 3 years.
Before she came to live with me, she attended a local primary school
intermittently because of lack of school fees.





Mercy, her madam, and husband





Mrs. Iniobong Etim Inyang

Q. From
the out set, did you notice anything special about her or her character
which suggested that she would be different from the other maids you've had?
Her relationship with your kids/family etc.



From the beginning, I could
see that mercy had a teachable spirit.
She was quick to learn, had a very pleasant disposition, and took ownership position of
her job. The agreement with her family was that I should pay her 3k as
her monthly salary. Shortly after we returned to Lagos, she came to me
one day to say that I shouldn't pay her any money, but rather, that I should let her work
for me and later on, I can decide to train or send her to school. Such was
her commitment to the family. Another incident that stands out clearly was
when my infant son was very sick; my husband had traveled and I
panicked. One of my fears then was, whether mercy had done something to
the child, because those were days when most of the housemaids were suspected to
be witches , so you can imagine my fear. I was just crying, she calmly
picked up the baby and started praying and crying. I remember her saying
that, God should intervene and heal the child, that she was employed to
take care of the baby and if anything happens to the child, it means she
will have to go back to the pitiful place she came from. And God heard
the prayer because my son recovered speedily after that- such was her
commitment. She was always quick to apologize when she had done something wrong.
She took care of the kids like she would, her younger ones. I can remember in
church those days, no one believed she was a maid; they all believed she
was my relative because of the way she cared for my children, asides the fact that she was always well dressed. Everybody loved Mercy, in
church, home, everywhere we went, because she always went out of her way to make the next
person comfortable and happy. Her relationship with my husband had
always being cordial and respectful. To me, she is the younger sister I
have always wished for, but never had.





Q. Have you had any major conflicts and how were they resolved? Any threats about leaving from her?



Radiant bride, Mercy.





A. When people live together, there is bound to be conflict from time to time. We had series of
conflict. There was a time she and another maid that I had at the time,
connived and went out without informing me for two  days.  I was so
angry,  and I remember chasing both of them out and telling them
never to enter my house again. The other maid left, but mercy went
and appealed to one of my older cousins to come and beg on her behalf. When
she started going to school, there were issues of  coming home late, keeping
questionable friends, and so on, but Mercy
would always come back and beg. She was not one to bear grudges and would always say
that, she will never allow the devil to destroy her by spoiling her
relationship with me. She had the firm belief that since she was an
orphan, that God had appointed me to be a blessing to her. Another
incident that stands out vividly was when the family went to Uyo in 2004
for a family engagement. Mercy requested  permission to go visit
her relatives in the village. Two days later, I went with a close friend, Queen Okon, to pick her up, only to be told by her family that mercy had decided not to come back with us to Lagos, rather I was asked to
monetize her years of service and give the money to the family. I
requested to see her in order to hear from her, but the family refused.
However, on going out to my car to leave, we saw mercy standing with
her luggage by the car, waiting for me. She told the relatives that she was going with me
and that no one would stop her, so I took back home to Lagos with me. Subsequently,
anytime we traveled to Uyo, she would refuse to visit her village, preferring to
visit her siblings instead, who were also working as domestic servants with other families.
Yes,we had series of conflict, especially during the teenage years, but
the difference was that, she was always quick to apologize, never frowned, but move
ahead as if the incident never occurred. It's difficult not to like someone
like that.



Q . What has your relationship with her relatives been like? 



A. Many
times, she was asked to return as recounted above, but she always
declined. According to her, going back to the village meant going back to
marry a carpenter, palm wine tapper, vulcanizer, or any other artisan, and be forced to have children every year.
She wanted something better for her life. From time to time, I sent
money/wrappers to her aunt who raised her because, she was always
attacking my maternal aunt for taking mercy away from her. This she
claimed made her age fast as she had to do all her back breaking chores
alone- this coming from a woman who had 10 kids of her own. It just goes to
show how some people take advantage of the less privilege. Also, I would
send money to her older brother, who had a small kiosk in Uyo main market,
and her elder sister who was having problems in a violent/abusive marriage.





 Q. How long has Mercy lived with you?  How did she meet her hubby? Share the story.



A. Mercy has lived with me for over 14 years. She finished her secondary
school education in 2005 and went on to read Catering/Hotel Management
in the renowned YetKem Catering school in Allen. She has always had a
flair for cooking so, I wasn't surprised when she opted to do catering as
opposed to going to the university. She graduated as one of their
topmost student in 2008 and won most of the awards for the graduating
class of that year. She met her husband, Mr. Emmanuel Udoh, in a singles
program in Trem Church headquarters , Obanikoro. She was in the exco of the
singles fellowship of our local church, Trem Magodo. They had a singles
retreat and there, she met her husband, who was the president of the singles
group at Trem, ketu. That was sometime in late 2009 and the rest they
say is history. Emmanuel is an accountant  from Ini local govt area of Akwa Ibom State.



Q. How has life been after Mercy left?





A. Life after mercy
has being surreal. Mercy is a bundle of energy being that she is so full of
life, energetic, always bubbling and generally noisy. My kids are the
worst hit becos they are missing her terribly. It took them some time to
adjust to not seeing Mercy at home, making shawarma, playing and
generally  gisting and jesting with them. For me, I feel like a proud mum that has given out her
daughter in marriage. I miss her and I have to constantly refrain from
outrightly comparing my present helps to Mercy. The good part is that
she is just 30 minutes and a phone call away, so that helps.



Q. A word of advice to employers of domestic hands especially the wives. Learning points.



A. My
advice to fellow women is that, we should love these girls that we have
decided to bring into our homes. I am a firm believer in love. I believe
it conquers nearly all the hurts/wounds of life. Wickedness breeds
wickedness, I know/ hear about women who don't allow their maids to eat
in their homes, but yet, they leave their children with these same maids.
What an irony! Some sleep on the bare floor, wear tattered clothing, are
overworked ,overbeaten and are generally traumatized by their employers,
all because they are househelps. My take has always being that the
difference between that maid and the employer, is the grace and favor of God. We did not choose where, how and to whom we would be born, so
what right do we have to treat the less privileged wickedly? Also, I
believe that being a blessing to these maids will also open doors of
favour to our children and their generations after them, because, nobody knows tomorrow and
what it could bring. Hence, let's build a foundation that will not rise
against our children in future. I know that some of these maids could be
really evil/wicked, no matter how much we try to reorientate them. My
take again is, to let them go, return them to their families, rather than keeping them
with you and 'dealing' with them to teach them a lesson. Let's learn to
be attentive to them and help them out when we can .

Don't always
justify your lack of care and negligence with, ''after all am paying you, use your money!'' Learn to give them
perks, and give them a sense of belonging. And above all, learn to pray
with them. God sees what we can not see. Take them to church, expose
them to spiritual things, and lift them up to God constantly in prayer.
He will protect and make your home joyous even as you open your home/heart to them. Another advice is that always keep an open heart; some of us have a
mindset that maids are wicked, or are the necessary evil. This
thinking is erroneous and robs us of objectivity. I have had maids
other than Mercy, that I'm still training till date though they are no
longer with me. The reason is that, I went beyond the call of duty to get
to know them and the challenges they are facing. Let's all lend a
helping hand to these people. God will bless us as we do so



Q . Terms of agreement on employment.

A. Before
employing any maid, especially in today's world, you must insist on
guarantors and make sure those guarantors are verified. You must have their passport
photographs and their addresses/ phone numbers of their next of kin. The
rules of engagement must be understood by both parties.



P/S When Mercy was preparing for her wedding, her Ini asked all her friends to contribute 10k each toward the success of that wedding. I was one of the people, who gladly did, without a second thought, because her faithful service to Ini touched me a great deal. Whether you are a domestic servant or serving in any other capacity, put in your best and you can be sure that your service will not be in vain.  Do share your experiences with maids, and If you have questions arising from this story, please post them. I am sure that, Mrs. Etim Inyang would be happy to respond to them.

LET THE PRAISE AND THANKSGIVING GO UP....

The AC that started it all!





As I write this, my heart is over flowing with thanksgiving for what God did for my family on the 14th of November, 2012. That day started out like any other day. As usual, hubby prayed with, and for the kids before they left for school that morning. I had not gone to the office, because I was preparing to travel for a cousin's wedding in Akwa Ibom State; hubby had gone out to work. The plan was for him to join me in AK two days later, for another wedding.  At about some minutes past ten, I asked my younger brother to drive me to my seamstress's to collect some traditional clothes that she had made for me to wear at the wedding. My plan was that, after I got the clothes, I'd come home and pack for me and my baby, who was to travel with me.



Barely 20 minutes after we drove out of my estate, I noticed that I had missed a call from one of my maids and decided to call back, wondering what the matter was. From the distress in her voice, I needed no prophet to tell me that something was seriously wrong in my home and that 'yawa don gas!' Almost in tears, she told me that the children's room was on fire!!! Fire? How? I asked, beginning to panic, and she explained that the AC in the children's room caught fire, and that she noticed it whilst trying to tidy up upstairs. She quickly shouted out to the other maid to run downstairs and change over the light to neutral, thus cutting off power supply to the house, then they alerted the neighbors. I put a call through to hubby, while I asked my brother to rush home with my car. We also alerted the security personnel at my estate and a team was sent to my house to join forces with the neighbors who were already fighting the inferno with the fire extinguishers that we had in the house; but I was told that the smoke upstairs was so thick that nobody could climb upstairs, so the fire had to be battled from downstairs!



Black ash covered everywhere upstairs!





My daughter's bed, partially burnt.





You can gauge my state of mind by now, as I waited impatiently at my seamstress's for any update on the fire. Then my maid called again that the fire was still raging, despite all the efforts been made to kill it, and at that point, I told my seamstress that I needed to run home. She asked how I was going to get to the house, as my brother had rushed home with the car, and I told her that I will hop on a motorbike- I did not care the mode of transportation, I just needed to get home, and fast. As I hurried away to the road to flag down a motor bike to my estate, I called home again, and was told that my children's room was no more. At that point, I nearly lost it; as I spoke with my sister on the phone, and my mum, I was weeping, because I was not sure what state I'd meet my home, or whether the men who were fighting the fire would be able to bring it under control. If anyone had told me that I'd be walking down a busy road crying into a phone, I would have laughed, because I'm usually so controlled, so calm, so together, but not this time!!! I got a bike that took me to my estate gate, and from there, the guards there, after assuring me that a team were at my home, got a resident, who was driving in, to take me home.

I did not know what to expect, really, but by the time I got to my house, I met a crowd of people, armed with canisters of fire extinguishers, including the estate Security Manager, and CSO. Strangely enough, I became calm but from what I could see from downstairs, it had been a bad one. Everyone assured me that the fire was under control, and I mustered courage to climb upstairs to see what had become of the children's room. The acrid smell of smoke hung heavily in the air, and stung my eyes as I looked round; everywhere upstairs, including my room was covered in black ash from the fire. As I looked at my children's room, at the things that had gotten burnt in the fire, a whole cabinet of clothes, school uniforms, a bed, toys and so on, I just began to bless God for His mercies. The people that came around, all said it was a miracle that the fire had not burnt the whole house down. Two competent electricians later, the fire was attributed to a power surge, which caused the AC to catch fire.



The whole ceiling had become darkened by the ash







I wanted to cancel my trip, but my hubby  urged me  not to, that he'd deal with the mess. I reluctantly left for the airport, and a cleaning company was called in to wash the whole house; we got people to paint the whole house as well, as the black ash had stained everything stain-able. Hubby put the kids in a hotel, while the workers washed, cleaned, and painted. Two days later, he came to meet me where I was, and as we reminisced over what could have been, I wept again at the weight of what we had just been delivered from, and offered thanks giving to God. If that fire had happened hours earlier, in the night when the children were still asleep, I shudder to think what that poisonous smoke could have wrought! If my maids were not upstairs at that time, cleaning up the rooms, if they had gone to the BQ, they would not have noticed that fire in time,  and the whole house would have burnt down! If that fire had gotten to the roof, hmmm, na another mata we go dey yarn o. So many 'ifs,' but all in all, I thank God for rescuing my family from being plunged into a disaster of monumental proportions/loss of lives, for preserving our home/lives; for protecting our children-the key to our next generation from losing their lives. My next door neighbor, who trades in kiddies clothes, packed a bag full of brand new clothes and brought them over for the kids and when, my brother called to tell me, I was just overwhelmed by tears at such kindness,  and at the support we got from our office staff, and neighbors! Can a Savior do/be more than that to His children? I'd be most ungrateful if I did not thank Him openly like this. Yes, it's been a most painful experience, but God has been there all the way. Hubby was not too comfortable about my sharing this, because he felt that, not everybody would genuinely be happy for us, and that I should only share on a need-to-know-basis, but I told him that God had done a MIGHTY thing for us and I'd shout it from the roof top, never mind, who was gloating, or happy about what happened.





Last night, I returned to Lagos; this morning, I called the children into our room to pray with them, explain to them why their things were gone, and lead them in thanksgiving to God for delivering us from disaster. I had been told that my 9 and 4 year old daughters wept because their school bags had been burnt in the fire, so I explained to them that anything that they had lost could be replaced, but that if life had been lost, it would be irreplaceable. I laughed a bit at their innocence  and naivety,  especially when my 4 year old asked, if her doll's life could also be replaced.



Father Lord, I am awed by the wonder of your goodness, mercies, favor, and grace and I bow in adoration, as I say, 'Thank You, Lord.' No one else can do the things you do for us, and I return all praise and thanksgiving to you. Please join me to thank God for my family. May God preserve your lives and the lives of your family members.You shall not end this year in sorrow.

LET THE PRAISE AND THANKSGIVING GO UP....

The AC that started it all!





As I write this, my heart is over flowing with thanksgiving for what God did for my family on the 14th of November, 2012. That day started out like any other day. As usual, hubby prayed with, and for the kids before they left for school that morning. I had not gone to the office, because I was preparing to travel for a cousin's wedding in Akwa Ibom State; hubby had gone out to work. The plan was for him to join me in AK two days later, for another wedding.  At about some minutes past ten, I asked my younger brother to drive me to my seamstress's to collect some traditional clothes that she had made for me to wear at the wedding. My plan was that, after I got the clothes, I'd come home and pack for me and my baby, who was to travel with me.



Barely 20 minutes after we drove out of my estate, I noticed that I had missed a call from one of my maids and decided to call back, wondering what the matter was. From the distress in her voice, I needed no prophet to tell me that something was seriously wrong in my home and that 'yawa don gas!' Almost in tears, she told me that the children's room was on fire!!! Fire? How? I asked, beginning to panic, and she explained that the AC in the children's room caught fire, and that she noticed it whilst trying to tidy up upstairs. She quickly shouted out to the other maid to run downstairs and change over the light to neutral, thus cutting off power supply to the house, then they alerted the neighbors. I put a call through to hubby, while I asked my brother to rush home with my car. We also alerted the security personnel at my estate and a team was sent to my house to join forces with the neighbors who were already fighting the inferno with the fire extinguishers that we had in the house; but I was told that the smoke upstairs was so thick that nobody could climb upstairs, so the fire had to be battled from downstairs!



Black ash covered everywhere upstairs!





My daughter's bed, partially burnt.





You can gauge my state of mind by now, as I waited impatiently at my seamstress's for any update on the fire. Then my maid called again that the fire was still raging, despite all the efforts been made to kill it, and at that point, I told my seamstress that I needed to run home. She asked how I was going to get to the house, as my brother had rushed home with the car, and I told her that I will hop on a motorbike- I did not care the mode of transportation, I just needed to get home, and fast. As I hurried away to the road to flag down a motor bike to my estate, I called home again, and was told that my children's room was no more. At that point, I nearly lost it; as I spoke with my sister on the phone, and my mum, I was weeping, because I was not sure what state I'd meet my home, or whether the men who were fighting the fire would be able to bring it under control. If anyone had told me that I'd be walking down a busy road crying into a phone, I would have laughed, because I'm usually so controlled, so calm, so together, but not this time!!! I got a bike that took me to my estate gate, and from there, the guards there, after assuring me that a team were at my home, got a resident, who was driving in, to take me home.

I did not know what to expect, really, but by the time I got to my house, I met a crowd of people, armed with canisters of fire extinguishers, including the estate Security Manager, and CSO. Strangely enough, I became calm but from what I could see from downstairs, it had been a bad one. Everyone assured me that the fire was under control, and I mustered courage to climb upstairs to see what had become of the children's room. The acrid smell of smoke hung heavily in the air, and stung my eyes as I looked round; everywhere upstairs, including my room was covered in black ash from the fire. As I looked at my children's room, at the things that had gotten burnt in the fire, a whole cabinet of clothes, school uniforms, a bed, toys and so on, I just began to bless God for His mercies. The people that came around, all said it was a miracle that the fire had not burnt the whole house down. Two competent electricians later, the fire was attributed to a power surge, which caused the AC to catch fire.



The whole ceiling had become darkened by the ash







I wanted to cancel my trip, but my hubby  urged me  not to, that he'd deal with the mess. I reluctantly left for the airport, and a cleaning company was called in to wash the whole house; we got people to paint the whole house as well, as the black ash had stained everything stain-able. Hubby put the kids in a hotel, while the workers washed, cleaned, and painted. Two days later, he came to meet me where I was, and as we reminisced over what could have been, I wept again at the weight of what we had just been delivered from, and offered thanks giving to God. If that fire had happened hours earlier, in the night when the children were still asleep, I shudder to think what that poisonous smoke could have wrought! If my maids were not upstairs at that time, cleaning up the rooms, if they had gone to the BQ, they would not have noticed that fire in time,  and the whole house would have burnt down! If that fire had gotten to the roof, hmmm, na another mata we go dey yarn o. So many 'ifs,' but all in all, I thank God for rescuing my family from being plunged into a disaster of monumental proportions/loss of lives, for preserving our home/lives; for protecting our children-the key to our next generation from losing their lives. My next door neighbor, who trades in kiddies clothes, packed a bag full of brand new clothes and brought them over for the kids and when, my brother called to tell me, I was just overwhelmed by tears at such kindness,  and at the support we got from our office staff, and neighbors! Can a Savior do/be more than that to His children? I'd be most ungrateful if I did not thank Him openly like this. Yes, it's been a most painful experience, but God has been there all the way. Hubby was not too comfortable about my sharing this, because he felt that, not everybody would genuinely be happy for us, and that I should only share on a need-to-know-basis, but I told him that God had done a MIGHTY thing for us and I'd shout it from the roof top, never mind, who was gloating, or happy about what happened.





Last night, I returned to Lagos; this morning, I called the children into our room to pray with them, explain to them why their things were gone, and lead them in thanksgiving to God for delivering us from disaster. I had been told that my 9 and 4 year old daughters wept because their school bags had been burnt in the fire, so I explained to them that anything that they had lost could be replaced, but that if life had been lost, it would be irreplaceable. I laughed a bit at their innocence  and naivety,  especially when my 4 year old asked, if her doll's life could also be replaced.



Father Lord, I am awed by the wonder of your goodness, mercies, favor, and grace and I bow in adoration, as I say, 'Thank You, Lord.' No one else can do the things you do for us, and I return all praise and thanksgiving to you. Please join me to thank God for my family. May God preserve your lives and the lives of your family members.You shall not end this year in sorrow.