Robyn Peterman's Blog, page 4

FOR 18 AND OVER!! MUST HAVE QUESTIONABLE MATURITY LEVEL AND BAWDY SENSE OF HUMOR.....

Allrightyroo, since I can’t figure out MailChimp (my mail letter) and it’s giving me hemorrhoids I shall post part of Pirate Dave in my blog!!! Squeeehaw!!
Just got back from a week at the Romantic Times Reader Writer Convention in Kansas City MO and it rocked!! Sat in on amazing classes and lectures with some of my favorite authors and had a lovely meeting with my publisher. Did several signings and found out a have my own little posse of fan-girls!!! I am convinced one of the gals thinks Shoshanna Lehump is a real person.....I considered defining the word fiction, but felt that might have been rude. Soooo, I answered her questions with lots of phrases like “Holy Cow!” “Amazing!” and “Huh!”
Due to my inconveniently broken foot, I rode my knee scooter everywhere and looked like a dork, but it was fun. Any time I could find a ramp, I took it at top speed!! I do believe I drove my buddies, authors JM Madden and Kris Calvert, to drink!! P.S. Thank you Kris and JM. I would have been screwed without all of your help!
So as requested, demanded, desired and pled for...here is Chapter One of PIRATE DAVE AND HIS RANDY ADVENTURES.
But first a quick authors note---This is NOT for readers under 18. EVER!
COMING SOON
Pirate Dave & His Randy AdventuresAfter all was said and done, the disgusting novella meant to destroy a story stealing NY Time’s best-selling author’s career was successful. Rena Gunderschlict, an accountant with no discernible literary talent, and her band of adorable porno writing grannies came up with the worst piece of literature, (and I use that word loosely), that was ever written. Amazingly enough, it became a cult classic. Who in the hell knew there was an underground need to know and love a Time Traveling Vampire Warlock with erectile dysfunction and his conjoined lady loves, Laverne and Shirley.  Apparently the need was there and now so is the full version of their story.  And so this spoof was spawned. A laugh so hard you wet your pants profane parody, meant for those with an open mind and questionable maturity level. Pirate Dave was born of the need to create a horrific career-ending romance novel to destroy a really bad, nasty villainess. If you want to read the REAL romance story, you’ll have to peruse How Hard Can It Be?  
Go to http://www.robynpeterman.com for buy links.



CHAPTER ONE          “Jesus Christ in a miniskirt,” Pirate Dave bellowed as the violent wind blew his matted hair into his eyes practically blinding him. Why the hell did a storm blow up every time he was about to get laid? The ship bucked like a horny bronco on the choppy green sea. The sky burned with a raging passion that rivaled his Johnson in his breeches. He grabbed the railing of the ship for purchase. “What in the hell is going on?”          “An earthquake,” squealed Crooked Jim, “and it’s a mother fucker!”          The motley crew scampered around the deck like clumsy asshole ninjas. They shrieked like girls and ran for cover.          “I don’t have time for this shit,” Dave muttered as he grabbed the wheel of the ship and headed for port.           The sea might have been angry, but the land was no kinder...The ground groaned and buckled beneath his boots. If that three-eyed fortune teller was yanking his chain, he would personally remove his man-bits with a dull knife. That stinky bastard had sworn Dave would find the most beautiful horny woman in the world...right here in Sydney, Australia. Of course the asshat had forgotten to mention that Dave would have to fight a deadly earthquake to reach his poontang. Whatever. He’d faced much worse. Like the hairless Catholic hookers who shape shifted into sex-addicted groundhogs. They posed as nuns by day. The convent doubled as a bordello. He’d had many randy, yet life threatening, nights with those bible thumping whores. Ahh, good times. Good times.          Pirate Dave, followed by part of his trusty crew, Hairy Sam and Hook, walked right into the mansion described by the fortune teller. He spit on his hand and slicked his greasy hair back while quickly diving to his right to avoid the chandelier falling from the ceiling. Jesus Christ, why in the hell hadn’t that stupid seer given him a weather report. Was that too fucking much to ask?          “Where is she?” Hairy Sam yelled as the roof began to cave in.          “The fuck if I know,” Pirate Dave shouted, hopping over empty broken chairs and empty broken tables. “Let’s try upstairs.”          “There are no stairs,” Hook said pointing at the splintered mass of lumber that somewhat resembled steps. “Let’s get out of here!”          “Absolutely not,” Pirate Dave roared. “I am a Time-Traveling Vampire Warlock! Stairs are for assmonkeys!”          Hairy Sam and Hook trembled in abject terror and wonder as Dave flew up the former staircase like a drunken bat. Last time Dave had flown, he’d accidentally time-travelled to the prehistoric era and had almost mated with a dinosaur. Dave came to his senses when he realized the dinosaur had no breasts. Unable to get a woody for a scaly reptile with no bosom, Dave time-traveled back before he got eaten.          Dave sniffed the air, hoping for a whiff of a horny gal. “Son of a bitch,” he choked out, getting two nostrils full of crumbling plaster. “This sucks.”          He blew his nose on his sleeve and then ran through the hallway at vampire speed looking for his prize. The mansion was falling down around him. Literally.           He froze. His skin flute tingled and itched like a gnarly case of the shingles...          A locked door. The scent of not one, but two horny babes. Things were looking up.          Dave got down on his knees and peered through the keyhole. Holy hell, they were twins. Bodacious, red-headed twins. Bursting forth from their kelly green corsets, were two pairs of tremendous fun bags. They held each other lovingly, gazing into each other’s eyes. Fuck, that was hot. Pirate Dave had always dreamt about a three-way with identical twins. He was going to buy that fortune teller something really great, like a David Hasslehoff album or a complete season of Baywatch tapes. It was difficult to hear the girls, but Dave was a freakin’ vampire and could hear a pin drop in a hurricane.          “I had no idea he was a mime. He gave me his number, but I think it’s in brail,” the sexy one on the left said.          “Occasionally I forget how mentally unstable you are, and then you speak,” the hot one, with lovely melons, on the right replied.          “Thank you.” Lefty smiled and stroked her sister’s cheek. “I’d really like to boink a vampire. I’ve heard they have buttons on their testicles.”          “You really need to get a handle on your chemical imbalance,” Righty snapped. “I say these things because I care.”          “Seriously?” Lefty giggled. “The buttons come in handy if they suck out too much of your blood.”          “What if he’s a zombie?”          Were these chicks for real? Pirate Dave stroked his woodchuck and strained to hear more.          “I don’t know anything about zombies,” Lefty said, “but if you fornicate with a vamp, make sure you’re cupping his balls the entire time. The button on the right is the erection button and the button on the left is the weenie deflator. If you forget to cup the nut sack just knee the vamp in the testes. The buttons are extremely sensitive so you’re bound to activate one.”          “I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, but what if you hit the erection button instead of the weenis killer?” Righty asked with an eye roll.          Dave reached into his breeches and examined his balls. Wait! Where in the hell were his buttons? He was a fucking vampire for shit’s sake. He shoved his porksword to the side to get a better feel of his scrodie sac. Damn it, no buttons. What the hell?          “Don’t worry, a double knee to the hard-on button will cause the vamps wiener to shrink to the size of a midget sweet pickle. It takes six months and four days for it to grow back to size. Most humans don’t have this info, so consider yourself privileged.”           “Again, I like to state that you are an insult to my intelligence and if I could kill you without dying myself...I would do it in a heartbeat,” Righty informed Lefty.          Dave had never been so turned on in his life and he’d been around for six hundred years. He had to get those sex kittens out of the house before it fell down for real and they died. He was no necrophiliac.           With a mighty heave he busted down the door, scaring the crap out of the girls and causing an avalanche of plaster and stone to fall. He could barely see his new girlfriends, but he was blessed with super-sonic smelling abilities and sniffed his way across the room.          “Who in the hell is that?” Lefty screamed in a voice that made Pirate Dave wince.          “I have no clue,” Righty shrieked above the din, “but he’s hot in a hairy, gross, unclean way.”          “Come with me,” Dave yelled. “I will save you and we will have a threesome!”          “What did he say?” Lefty asked.          “He’s going to save us and his name is Liam Neeson.”          “The one with the big...”          The mansion groaned and came apart at an alarming rate. The hot, large hootered babes screamed and reached for Dave.          “Hold on to each other,” he shouted. “This is going to be a bumpy ride.”          “Like we have any other choice,” Lefty muttered in disgust.          Dave had no clue what she meant because all of his blood had moved out of his brain and down to his painfully humongous flesh trombone. He needed to get his gals out of there and back to his cabin. Pronto.

Leave me a message!!! Please! AND sign up for my news letter. I swear on my knee scooter that I'll figure out how to use it. Go to my website and hit the envelope icon on the Home Page or the Contact Page and sign up! The WHOLE Pirate Dave will be a free novella June 1st available at all of the usual on-line retailers!! WooHoo! http://www.robynpeterman.com

EARTH-DAY BLOG!!!!!! CRAZY GREAT AUTHORS! AWESOME PRIZES!!!!!

The crazy, mixed-up tale of how my firstbook came to be – also known as, WTF? I'm getting published.
I’ve been asked how I got published. The answer is simple...I lied. That’s right, I lied.I wouldn’t recommend it, although it worked for me. It certainly could have blown up in my face, but wether it was sheer will and determination or dumb luck, I’ll never know. Here’s how it went...     I pitched a very unfinished novel (as if it were done) to major NY publishers and agents at the Romantic Times writers conference in Chicago last April. I was shocked, delighted and appalled that everyone I pitched to asked for a full manuscript of HOW HARD CAN IT BE? After a brief and hopefully unnoticeable panic attack, I very logically explained to them that I needed to get the book professionally edited (real meaning--write it) and would have it to them in three weeks. What the hell did I have to lose? My sanity had been gone for years.     Having been an actor for umpteen decades came in handy. Clearly, pretending to smell delicious imaginary aromas in commercial auditions and becoming one with my inner lawn gnome in acting class, made my fear of telling ginormous lies nonexistent.     The next part of the story goes like this...I went home and wrote it. I didn’t sleep for three weeks, my family ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly and no one in the house had any clean underpants. I loved every minute of it. I ended up with several offers and went with a two book deal with Kensington Publishing. The sequel, SIZE MATTERS comes out December 2013!    That’s my crazy story, but the real answer to getting published is to write. Just write. Everyday. Every writer I’ve had the good fortune to know says the same thing. Oh, and read...tons.
And the story gets better!!!! 
Cut to last week....Just found out I got a 4 Star review for HOW HARD CAN IT BE? in RT Magazine!!! I screamed when my publisher sent me a congrats! RT (Romantic Times) is, of course, where it all started for me. The wonderful and magical place where I pitched the big fat hairy lie that turned into a two book deal with Kensington! 
Thank you to my new readers who think my characters are actually real people and have written me to find out what they're doing now.Thank you to the gal who has offered me her children to get to read the sequel story before it comes out next December!Thank you to the lady who wrote me and told me I should wash my mouth out with soap while promising to read everything I ever write!Thank you to the woman who asked me if I'd spent time in an institution, because my brain was so warped! She also promised to read everything I ever write! Enough of that....just Thank you! Please keep reading!
****AND for all of you that have read HOW HARD CAN IT BE? and have lovingly threatened me for PIRATE DAVE AND HIS RANDY ADVENTURES...I have written it!!! It will come out the end of May and will possibly end my career. It’s the profane novel within the novel of HOW HARD CAN IT BE? that ruins the career of a NY Times best-selling author who’s been stealing the ideas from some adorable porno-writing grannies for years!! Look for Pirate Dave, the time-traveling vampire warlock with erectile disfunction and his conjoined loves, Laverne and Shirley! COMING IN MAY! For Freeeeeeeee!!

"How Hard Can it Be? is outrageous, profane, hilarious, sexy, and all kinds of wacky.For a good time, read Robyn Peterman!" – MICHELLE ROWEN, national bestselling author
"A zany over-the-top rompfest." – LEXI GEORGE, author of  Demon Hunting in a Dive Bar


You can order HOW HARD CAN IT BE? at these awesome places!!

http://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-Can-Be-ebook/dp/B009T9SCRG/ref=la_B00A7D7DPA_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352920534&sr=1-1
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-hard-can-it-be-robyn-peterman/1113633561?ean=9781601830623


https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/how-hard-can-it-be/id572027268?mt=11

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/How-Ha...

Come visit me on:Facebookhttp://www.facebook.com/pages/Robyn-Peterman/418985661472374?ref=hl  My website http://www.robynpeterman.comAnd Goodreads http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6545317.Robyn_Peterman

OUTLET MALL BUTT CLENCHING.....

Okay, so here’s the deal. (Pun intended, you’ll get it in a minute...)  When I see an outlet mall my butt clenches and I start to sweat. Not a pretty picture, but true nonetheless. I luuuurrrve outlet malls. Getting a great deal is right up there with the big O for me. My hot hubby is aware of this. He thinks I’m weird. I have had tons of luck in the wondrous land of the outlet, but I’ve also had some dingers! I do tend to waste gobs of money at the one stop deal-stravagansas.....I get so overwhelmed, I don’t even try stuff on. I still have a pile of unworn t-shirts from an unnamed store I love. I had no clue the seams were wonky and the freakin’ horse was upside down! All I could see was the ridiculously low price! Next time I swear I’ll wear my glasses. Or how about the pants I got? If I tried to walk, my ladybits got damaged.... Or the high end purse I bought in such a rush, I didn’t realize it smelled kind of off....What in the hell is the point of all this??? Weeeellllll, I have a deal for you! The seams are straight and the horse is standing upright. Your ladybits are not in danger and it smells awesome!HOW HARD CAN IT BE? is on sale for a short time!!! SQUEEEEEEE! It’s only $1.99 at most of the retailers where it’s on sale. If you don’t already have it, snap it up quick before it goes back to original price! And if you do already have it tell your friends! They too can learn room clearing nicknames for the male anatomy and laugh till they snort Coke (the drink, not the drug) out of their nose!Romantic Times Magazine gave it 4 Stars!! (I almost peed my pants over that one) The reviews have been rockin’ and I’m still so excited it’s embarrassing! Thank you to all of the terrifically warped readers who are now following my every move....Thank you to all you guys that are reading HOW HARD CAN IT BE? Thanks for leaving great reviews for me on Goodreads and Amazon and Barnes and Noble and all the other sites you've bought it from!Thank you to my new readers who think my characters are actually real people and have written me to find out what they're doing now.Thank you to the gal who has offered me her children to get to read Kristy's story before it comes out!Thank you to the lady who wrote me and told me I should wash my mouth out with soap while promising to read everything I ever write!Thank you to the woman who asked me if I'd spent time in an institution, because my brain was so warped! She also promised to read everything I ever write! Enough of that....just Thank you! Please keep reading!FASHIONABLY DEAD comes out the end of May and Kristy's story (tentatively titled, SHE LIKES THEM BIG AND HAIRY) comes out in December!!!! 

HOW HARD CAN IT BE? is available, ON SALE, at these awesome sites!!!http://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-Can-Be-ebook/dp/B009T9SCRG/ref=la_B00A7D7DPA_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352920534&sr=1-1
andhttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-hard-can-it-be-robyn-peterman/1113633561?ean=9781601830623

Come visit me at my website and sign up for my newsletter!!! New chapters and giveaways coming soon!!! YEEHAW!http://www.robynpeterman.com/

MARCH MADNESS BLOG HOP!!! YEEEHAAAW!

Welcome to March Madness! A time for basketball and and green beer and warmer weather...and a bunch of rockin’ cool authors doing a fantabulous blog hop!!! AND PRIZES!!!!

Each day during the hop March 5th to the 31st, I will pick the funniest comment left on my blog and put your name in a hat. (I'm serious) At the end of the month I will give away 5 copies of HOW HARD CAN IT BE? and 4 $20.00 Amazon gift cards!!! You can reply daily and end up stuffed in a hat more than once. I will draw the winner in my underpants. (it's my favorite way to write...) Good luck and enjoy the hop!!! Don't forget to check out the raffle copter giveaway at the bottom...MORE PRIZES!!!!

SQEEEHAW O'MIGHTY!!!!! Read on to find out how lying pays off...... The crazy, mixed-up tale of how my firstbook came to be – also known as, WTF? I'm getting published.
I’ve been asked how I got published. The answer is simple...I lied. That’s right, I lied.
I wouldn’t recommend it, although it worked for me. It certainly could have blown up in my face, but wether it was sheer will and determination or dumb luck, I’ll never know. Here’s how it went...
     I pitched a very unfinished novel (as if it were done) to major NY publishers and agents at the Romantic Times writers conference in Chicago last April. I was shocked, delighted and appalled that everyone I pitched to asked for a full manuscript of HOW HARD CAN IT BE? After a brief and hopefully unnoticeable panic attack, I very logically explained to them that I needed to get the book professionally edited (real meaning--write it) and would have it to them in three weeks. What the hell did I have to lose? My sanity had been gone for years.
     Having been an actor for umpteen decades came in handy. Clearly, pretending to smell delicious imaginary aromas in commercial auditions and becoming one with my inner lawn gnome in acting class, made my fear of telling ginormous lies nonexistent.
     The next part of the story goes like this...I went home and wrote it. I didn’t sleep for three weeks, my family ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly and no one in the house had any clean underpants. I loved every minute of it. I ended up with several offers and went with a two book deal with Kensington Publishing.
    That’s my crazy story, but the real answer to getting published is to write. Just write. Everyday. Every writer I’ve had the good fortune to know says the same thing. Oh, and read...tons.
And the story gets better!!!! 
Cut to last week....Just found out I got a 4 Star review for HOW HARD CAN IT BE? in RT Magazine!!! I screamed when my publisher sent me a congrats! RT (Romantic Times) is, of course, where it all started for me. The wonderful and magical place where I pitched the big fat hairy lie that turned into a two book deal with Kensington! 
Thank you to my new readers who think my characters are actually real people and have written me to find out what they're doing now.Thank you to the gal who has offered me her children to get to read the sequel story before it comes out next December!Thank you to the lady who wrote me and told me I should wash my mouth out with soap while promising to read everything I ever write!Thank you to the woman who asked me if I'd spent time in an institution, because my brain was so warped! She also promised to read everything I ever write! Enough of that....just Thank you! Please keep reading!FASHIONABLY DEAD, my first snarky, sexy paranormal comes out the end of April!!!! Stay tuned to my website, the first chapter will be going up soon!


"How Hard Can it Be? is outrageous, profane, hilarious, sexy, and all kinds of wacky.For a good time, read Robyn Peterman!" – MICHELLE ROWEN, national bestselling author
"A zany over-the-top rompfest." – LEXI GEORGE, author of  Demon Hunting in a Dive Bar


You can order HOW HARD CAN IT BE? at these awesome places!!

http://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-Can-Be-ebook/dp/B009T9SCRG/ref=la_B00A7D7DPA_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352920534&sr=1-1
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-hard-can-it-be-robyn-peterman/1113633561?ean=9781601830623
https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/how-hard-can-it-be/id572027268?mt=11
https://ebookstore.sony.com/author/robyn-peterman_459840

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/How-Hard-Can-It-Be/book-xuyKoZKBDUesB170Mqm-Pg/page1.html
Come visit me on:Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Robyn-Peterman/418985661472374?ref=hl My website http://www.robynpeterman.comAnd Goodreads http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6545317.Robyn_Peterman
a Rafflecopter giveaway

GENITALS ON FIRE???? Noooo, Pens on Fire!!!!

Ooookay, several friends thought this said Penis on Fire.....when I first saw it, I did too. BUT IT'S NOT!! That would be awkward and unpleasant and illegal. It's Pens...Pens on Fire and I will be there. I encourage all of you in the area to come and see if I can get through talking about HOW HARD CAN IT BE? without saying any potty words. I can. Yes, I can.
There will be some cool authors joining me and people will be signing their book. I will sign your Kindle or your Nook or your hand or your left butt cheek. Kidding! I think that might be illegal. If you're interested you can follow the link below and sign up!

http://woodfordcountylibrary.com/EventDetail.asp?CalID=1443&varDate=2%2F23%2F2013

If you haven't read HOW HARD CAN IT BE? get a copy and I will challenge you to the pork sword game! Don't ask unless you really want to know......

Buy My Book!!!
http://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-Can-Be-ebook/dp/B009T9SCRG/ref=la_B00A7D7DPA_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352920534&sr=1-1

BOOTIE SHORTS AND CORSETS........

DRESSING UP CAN FREE YOUR INNER (FILL IN THE BLANK...)
I just bought a corset, bootie shorts, fish nets and a tutu....and I’m planning on wearing these items in public. Have I lost my mind? Clearly, yes. BUT, I didn’t pick this ensemble out...my super hot hubby did. Thank you Jesus on a moped that he still finds it necessary to dress me up like a hooker! Apparently my sweat pants aren’t sexy.... I’m not wearing this to drop my kids off at school. Nope, I’m wearing it through the streets of New Orleans on Mardi Gras Day! Thankfully there will be people looking even scarier than I do!I will let my inner-hooker free and wander with my family (who will also be wigged and decked out) through the wildly forgiving streets of NOLA!!!! My wig is royal blue, my daughter’s is lime green and my son’s is wild brown sausage curls (tucked underneath an awesome pirate hat). Of course, hot hubby will be in a powder wig!!!Yes, I will take pictures. And No, I probably won’t post them....What, you may ask does this have to do with writing? Actually, a lot.....in a round about way! New Orleans is where I first started writing for real. This magical, crazy city inspires me like no other. I am obsessed with the cemeteries and the people and the food....There’s a feeling I get when I’m down here, like anything is possible. It’s the same feeling I have on a crisp fall evening. The kind that smells and feels like a high school football game...or twilight in New York on a perfect Spring day. Since I’m deeply ensconced in my Vampires right now, I’m in the best place I could be. Mardi Gras and looking like a hooker are just a bonus!If you haven’t read HOW HARD CAN IT BE? check it out! Reviews are rockin’ and I’m so proud and excited is embarrassing! I’ll be posting chapter one from FASHIONABLY DEAD on my website soon. It is coming out the end of April!!!! 
Go Buy My Book and let your own inner hooker fly free....it feels great!
http://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-Can-Be-ebook/dp/B009T9SCRG/ref=la_B00A7D7DPA_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352920534&sr=1-1 Check out my website!! My Twitter feed is on it now.http://www.robynpeterman.com/

MEET COOL CHICKIE AND AUTHOR, NIECEY ROY!!

MEET ANOTHER ONE OF MY AUTHOR BUDDIES TODAY! HER NAME IS NIECEY ROY AND SHE'S GOT A BRAND NEW ROCKIN' BOOK OUT CALLED "FENDER BENDER BLUES"
Authors are some of the most generous and fun people I know! A cool way to meet new ones is through blogs of authors you already enjoy. Niecey and I became friends on Facebook (of all random things) and realized we had a ton in common. We were both debut authors with books coming out very close to each other. Niecey is a great talent and a cool chick! Check out her new book, FENDER BENDER BLUES, and learn a little about her on my blog today!
How does it feel to be a published author? Kinda like I was just elected President of the United States sans the media circus and headache. Plus, I’m pretty sure being a published author is way more fun than being President. He can’t say the F word. That would suck. 
Why do you enjoy writing contemporary romance? Contemporary romance is real. Well, besides the fictional part. But it’s more real than writing about werewolves (not saying I’ll never write about werewolves, I might!). I can relate to the characters I write about. 
How did you start writing? I wrote my first little story in the third grade, a murder/mystery. In my story, someone off-ed our teacher in a burglary gone bad and it was my job to find the jerk. Of course, I was a third grader and not being a hero wasn’t an option, so in my story, I solved the mystery. I then quickly moved on to poetry full of teenager angst and unrequited love. Eeekkkk. ’Nuff said. 
What do you do for writer’s block? I don’t know, stress a little, drink a beer, put my feet up, chew a million sunflower seeds… I don’t get writer’s block very often. My “blockage” comes from having too many ideas in my head and not being able to settle on one thing to write. It’s an issue. 
Where do you get your ideas? Every day life. I have a goofball husband, some hilarious friends, and I’m kind of a goofball myself. That’s why I write contemporary romantic comedy. The ideas are always flowing. 
What’s next for you?I’m just concentrating on writing contemporary for the moment. I have a YA paranormal romance I’ve been brainstorming, and a sci-fi futuristic romance I’ve wanted to do for a few years. 
If you weren’t a writer what would you be? At one time I thought I’d be a lawyer. Working for one makes me realize how much I do not want to be a lawyer. So I’m glad I never followed through with that one. I’m content to be the legal assistant, but mostly because I can still write while doing it. Now, if I absolutely could not write and I didn’t have to worry about money, I’d be an artist. I used to paint. I don’t have time for it now. 
What inspires you most? My kids. I want to be successful for them. Selling books means I can send them to college. 
What makes you laugh? Cry? My kids. Every day they make me laugh. Thinking of anything that might harm them makes me cry. 
Favorite word? Fuck. I say it a lot, even when I’m trying not to. Ugh. It’s a serious problem. 
Favorite color? Bright shades of blue, like aqua, azure and turquoise. 
Favorite food? Supreme pizza. 
Favorite bad word? Fuck. Again, I say it a lot. Especially when I’m drinking. I’m blaming it on my dad. He was a Navy sailor. 
Favorite movie? You know, this is a really tough question. But a movie I really love and enjoy watching always is The Secret Garden, the one filmed in 1993. Obviously, I am a romantic, which to me means I also have to love gorgeous English rose gardens, right? Of course! I always said I’d have a garden like on The Secret Garden. Still working on it. I’m thinking it might take me a lifetime, ha! 
Favorite book from childhood? I loved Anne of Green Gables. 
Favorite book now? I honestly don’t have a favorite book. I like so many books. I have found I love everything written by Patricia Cornwell. She’s my favorite author, and I devour her books. 
What authors inspire you? Ah! Answered that above. Patricia Cornwell. If she were here, we’d probably fist pump. She’s cool like that. 
Thanks for having me today, Robyn! And if you don’t mind, I’d like to share a blurb for my debut, humorous contemporary romance, Fender Bender Blues. 
Niecey’s back cover blurb!!!
FENDER BENDER BLUES
Her life took a wrong turn. He's driven by success. They didn't count on crashing into love...
Rachel Bennett loved her job until the day she finds herself doubting her choices.  Now she's hunting for a new career, but starting over isn't easy.  Her plan is simple—no distractions until she finds her dream job.  She didn't plan on fate throwing her a curveball in the form of a fender bender with a sexy guy in an expensive suit.
Craig Larsen is a wealthy, successful business owner with a plan of his own: survive his current PR nightmare and stay away from his overly determined ex-girlfriend.  His need for control and personal success is turned upside down when he meets Rach, a sassy redhead who can't drive.
Soon they find themselves battling with Rach's grumpy old neighbor, toilet-papering the trees of a high school nemesis, and fighting over the last slice of pizza.  Can two very different people plus one fender bender equal a chance at forever?
Here’s the info on how to contact Niecey and how to buy her book! Buy her Book at Amazon!!!
Niecey RoyFender Bender Blues, a romantic comedyJanuary 24, 2013 exclusive Amazon digital releaseComing May 3, 2013 everywherepublished by Wild Rose Pressnieceyroy@gmail.comhttp://www.nieceyroy.com/http://www.facebook.com/NieceyRoyRomanceAuthorhttps://twitter.com/#!/NieceyRoy
http://www.amazon.com/Fender-Bender-Blues-ebook/dp/B00B5L71YQ/ref=pd_sim_kstore_1

MY GUEST, AMY DURHAM!!! SQUEEEEE!

I am a very lucky girl. I happen to be in a writing group with amazing and talented women. I’d like to introduce you to one of these awesome gals! Her name is Amy Durham and she is a rockin’ author of Young Adult fiction. I read her latest release and it was wonderful. It’s called ONCE AND AGAIN and today you can meet her and learn a little about her and then....you can go buy her book!!
First of all, thanks Robyn for inviting me over to your corner of the blogosphere! I’m reading “How Hard Can it Be?” right now and laughing out loud every other second or so! I really appreciate the chance to come and share a bit of my work with your readers.

Why do you enjoy writing YA?I LOVE reading and writing YA. I kind of fell into it by accident, but I feel like my abilities are best used in YA. I love that when I’m writing I’m transported back to those years. I can revisit the exuberance of youth, relive the emotional “high” of first love, and remember the fun times! I also love looking back on high school as an adult, with all the knowledge and experienced I’ve gained in the years (And NO, I’m not telling how many!) since I graduated! YA spans generations, and I love that I can talk about my book or any other YA book with the students I see every day at school. What do you do for writers block? Read. Always. Nothing gets my own creative forces moving again like reading something amazing… or even something not so amazing. It makes me want to dig back and make my own story happen!
Your imagination is wonderful! Where do you get your ideas? Oh gosh… I don’t even know. These people just show up in my head and start interacting and talking and being attracted to each other… and I just sort of go along for the ride! I know that sounds crazy, but it’s pretty close to the truth! The seed of a story usually starts with a couple of characters and the hint of a relationship or a conflict between them. Then my mind starts filling in the blanks. I “plot” a lot at night when I’m going to sleep. Stories “percolate” in my brain that way for months (most of the time) before I start writing them, and at any given time I’ve got about five of those going on!
What’s next for you? I’m writing another YA Paranormal Romance titled “Dusk”. “Once And For All”, my current release is book two in my Sky Cove Series (“Once Again” is book one.), but I’m departing from Sky Cove for a bit to finish “Dusk”. It’s about halfway finished and features a hero who’s a bit more than human!
If you weren’t a writer what would you be? A chef. For sure. Cooking is my “other” creative outlet. I’m addicted to Food Network. I want to be Iron Chef Alex Guarnaschelli when I grow up!
What inspires you most?Love. I’m a sap. I admit it. Two people falling in love fascinates me! What’s more complex and amazing and satisfying than that?
 What makes you laugh?Most recently… “Duck Dynasty” on A&E.  And your book, of course, Robyn!
 Favorite word?Am I allowed to say it here? Ha! No really, I’ve never really thought about it, but I really love the word “myriad”. Life is full of possibilities, and I think the word “myriad” describes that beautifully.
Favorite color?Blue
Favorite food?There are so many! These days it’s gumbo. We went to New Orleans on vacation in 2011. My oldest son fell in love with gumbo, so when we got home, I learned how to make it. And now everybody loves it!
Favorite bad word?Whichever one happens to pop out when I stump my toe really hard!

Favorite movie?When Harry Met Sally, Notting Hill, and P.S. I Love You

Favorite book from childhood? Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

Favorite book now? My favorite books are “Fair Haven” by JoAnn Ross and “Jewels of the Sun” by Nora Roberts. My favorite book I’ve read recently is “Hopeless” by Colleen Hoover.


What authors inspire you?Rachel Vincent, Tiffany King, Nyrae Dawn, and Jessica Sorenson. All of these are YA authors. Rachel Vincent writes kicking YA urban fantasy. Tiffany King, Nyrae Dawn, and Jessica Sorenson all write realistic, gritty YA, sometimes dealing with heavy, relevant topic like abuse, suicide, weight issues, etc.
Here’s Amy back cover blurb from ONCE AND AGAINWhat happens when 180 pounds of football star collides with 105 pounds of art geek?
An ancient curse springs to life, of course.
Phoebe Campbell is anything but popular. Todd Miller is the epitome of the high school jock. Their socially opposite worlds collide when they are paired to work together on a project for art class. Attempting to cooperate for the sake of their assignment, Todd and Phoebe begin to look past preconceived notions and see each other for who they truly are. As genuine feelings begin to develop between them, they find themselves plagued by dangerous shape-shifting episodes and unexplained telepathic connections. 
In order to stop the mysterious occurrences, Phoebe and Todd are forced into a mission to uncover the truth. In their quest, they discover unsettling stories that hint at a previous existence, and also clues to an ancient curse that has never been broken.
Can they learn to love each other despite the typical high school social expectations? And will their love be the key that breaks the ancient curse once and for all? 


Here’s how to connect with my buddy Amy and where to buy her amazing new book!!! Buy Her Book!!

Contact Amy online:amybdurham@gmail.comwww.amydurham.comwww.facebook.com/AuthorAmyDurhamtwitter.com/Amy_Durham
Find ONCE AND FOR ALL at:AMAZONhttp://www.amazon.com/Once-And-Cove-Series-ebook/dp/B00B8XQKV6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359728668&sr=8-1&keywords=once+and+for+all+amy+durham
B&Nhttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/once-and-for-all-amy-durham/1114281179?ean=2940015988963&isbn=2940015988963
ALL ROMANCE EBOOKShttps://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-onceandforall-1052013-140.html
SMASHWORDShttps://www.smashwords.com/books/view/281080
KOBOhttp://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Once-And-For-All/book-9G7Daf9eVk-sTgAbw5Qm_g/page1.html?s=fbQjWdlp1UCX7TdkDKjz-A&r=2

OMG, IT'S ALIVE......

HOW HARD CAN IT BE? came out January 17th and I’m still pinching myself everyday! The simple fact that at forty-blah-blah-blah dreams can still come true is astounding.The reviews are great and the two bad ones are really stinkin’ bad! I am a full service offender and have clearly offended a few readers sensibilities.... My Dad always said, “Make them love you or hate you...don’t let them forget you.” With my warped brand of humor I’m taking his advice seriously! Exciting news is that the screen play for HHCIB? is done! It’s off to LaLa land and we will see what happens. I kind of fear the reaction, but they know what their getting, they optioned the book in the first place! Jim (my screen writing partner) and I had a hell of a time making cuts. Actually, I had a hard time making cuts...Jim had to deal with a whiney pouty pain in the assmonkey (me).The other squeehaw news is that my first paranormal, FASHIONABLY DEAD, will be released at the end of April! I luuurve me some vamps and I hope you guys are ready for some sexy, snarky, undead hotties! I’ll be posting chapters on my website soon.I’ve also become addicted to Scrabble on line. Thank you Jim, you suck.Here’s the teaser for HOW HARD CAN IT BE? for those of you that haven’t read it yet. And if you haven’t read it yet....Buy my book.http://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-Can-Be-ebook/dp/B009T9SCRG/ref=la_B00A7D7DPA_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352920534&sr=1-1
I stopped dead in my tracks.Ten feet away stood the most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life. More beautiful than my new neighbor, Mr. Fine-ass. I felt light-headed and realized I’d ceased to breathe. Sandy blond hair, full lips, eyelashes that belonged on a girl, and a build like a brick shithouse. He didn’t fit in here. His jeans and dark gray T-shirt covered by a rockin’ black leather bomber were hotter than hot. He was holding a folder and kept glancing at it. No ring on his left hand. Aces! He looked about thirty-five or so. Absolutely perfect. With my luck he was probably gay.What the hell was wrong with me? I wasn’t here to pick up guys. I was here trying not to get arrested. My brain knew that, but all my girlie parts were screaming something else entirely. There was no security guard in sight . . . maybe, just maybe . . . No, absolutely not. I couldn’t take the chance of going back to jail. It wasn’t a parking violation; it was a restraining order, for shit’s sake. But if I didn’t show myself, there was no way my future husband would notice me. I was covered up like a fashion-impaired nun. Maybe I could remove the disguise just for a minute . . . make eye contact, ask him to marry me, and then finish what I came here for. No, wait, maybe I’d deliver the package first and then tackle him to the ground and have my way with him . . . No, wait, what if he left while I was delivering the goods? And what if I got arrested before he noticed I was alive? Jesus Christ, I needed to get laid. This was the second stranger I’d considered marrying in two days and I’d only seen the other one’s butt.

KEEP THE FRIENDS THAT SET YOUR HEAD ON FIRE!

Keeping the friends that set your hair on fire is important....Well, almost set your hair on fire. For example, my friend Jim. We’ve been best friends since I was eighteen and now I’m forty-blah-blah-blah. Suffice it to say it’s been a looong time. Jim’s an actor and a very good one. Back in the day, when I was still an actor we did a bunch of shows together in Chicago. One of them was GREASE, I was Frenchy and he was Sonny. At the part where we all think Rizzo is knocked up, Jim (Sonny) was supposed to lean into me (Frenchy) and whisper the rumor....He did, with a lit cigarette in his mouth (yes, people used to smoke on stage)I smelled a hideous odor. It was my bright orange wig lighting up. Thankfully Jim slapped the side of my head quite soundly and put the flames out before my entire head was on fire....Cheap fake hair with buttloads of hair spray in it and flames are a very baaaad combo!Oh, and there was also the time Jim and another cast member (my boyfriend at the time who shall remain nameless) glued the face of a female cast member onto the crotch of a naked spread eagle woman in a magazine I was supposed to read on stage....Choked with laughter, I couldn’t get my lines out. I laughed so hard that the audience started to laugh...in confusion. All three of us got written up by the stage manager. Good times, good times. So as you can plainly see, I could never let Jim go. Someone with a deviously creative mind like his is a keeper! I have gotten him back for these things many times over the years. The reason I share these trips down memory lane is because Jim is at my house now helping me write the screen play for HOW HARD CAN IT BE? and it’s not an easy task....I have pouted and cried about having to cut scenes and combine characters. A lesser man would have told me to shove it up my whiney ass and left, but thankfully Jim can handle me. (or at least ignore me) I have been as asshat and an assmonkey, but we’re writing an amazing script.So the lesson here is flaming hair, asshats, tiny faces in the crotches of naked spread eagle women and getting written up to the actor’s union make relationships stronger. I hope you have a Jim in your life. I’m sure as hell glad I do.Buy my book!P.S. I'm the one in the picture with the scary blond wig and the super cute head tilt and Jim is in the back row holding fuzzy dice....http://www.robynpeterman.com
Here's the Amazon link! Squeeehaw HOW HARD CAN IT BE? is finally on sale for real!!!!!http://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-Can-Be-ebook/dp/B009T9SCRG/ref=la_B00A7D7DPA_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352920534&sr=1-1