Zero Angel Richardson's Blog, page 21
May 13, 2013
Adventures in Cooking: Bacon Reuben
"Have you ever heard of a bacon Reuben?" The innocuous question struck like lightning, a brilliant flash leaving you disoriented and confused, unsure of what had just happened. Struggling to recover, my gray matter leapt to the logical Reuben-with-bacon alternative.
"Of course I've made a Reuben with bacon," I replied haughtily. After all, what fellow hadn't considered adding bacon to every appetizer, entree and dessert in their repertoire. No red-blooded American carnivore could open their fridge for ingredients in a culinary delight, see bacon, and pass up the opportunity to supplement the known with the savory.
"Not that, you moron. A Reuben where they use bacon instead of corned beef. I saw it on TV." The thunder rolled in and only then did my brain realize the traumatic event that had occurred. The lightning left me disoriented, but the thunder provided focus. My condescension was smashed. A Reuben sans corned beef with bacon. A bacon Reuben.A bac-en.
Working faster than ever before, my stomach juices churned with brilliance and substituted in for my dazed and confused brain, "Well I hope they made it with a fried egg too!"
"No, I don't think they did." The coolness accompanying her matter-of-fact attitude, her nonchalance, her complete and utter badassitude struck me as solidly as her beauty the first time I met her. This vision of amazing had just delivered on her end of the bargain when I asked her to marry me. No matter what I would do for the remainder of my wretched existence, sharing the idea for a bacon Reuben would trump everything I could ever offer. I knew again why I loved her so much: because she delivered bacon.
I attempted to play it cool in the way only a complete dork marrying a beautiful badass can, i.e. not at all, but trying damn hard! The sandwich had delivered, tormenting not just brain, not just stomach, but both at alternate and simultaneous times. There was no space loud enough to drown out the inexorable, "Baaaaaaccccooooooonnn. Reeeeeuuuuuubbeeeeennnn." that echoed and resounded around me like the tell-tale sandwich it was.
Normally delicious sustenance turned to ash in my mouth, "baaaaaaccoooooonnnn." Couldn't they hear it? How can they sit there with their hamburgers, their pizza, their nachos and their pasta? "Rrreeuuuuubbbbbeeeeennnnnnn."
Tormented, I fled. Days passed in a blur as I continued to return to the inevitable.
I was going to have to make it.
The blur of days passing turned interminable and inexorably dragged on as all joy of life was sucked out and replaced with the vacuum of a bacon-less existence. Finally, a glorious Saturday appeared on the horizon with no errands, chores or deadlines to choke out the possibility of creating a masterpiece. Like Gandalf with the Riders of the Rohirrim saving Helms Deep, this Day of Saturn swooped in at the last possible moment to present an opportunity for salvation through bacon.
Hurriedly, I assembled my ingredients as the never-ending "baaaacccoooon" reverberated throughout my haunted home as the poltergeists echoed, "reeeeuuuuubbeeeennnn".
"Shut up! I'm making it!" but the steady thrum of ghastly cries for bacon only increased in intensity as the impending sizzle of side of pig approached.
The skies opened and sun illuminated the world as the first hiss of melting butter crackled across the room. As the solid cream yielded to temperature and liquefied and greeted the fat of hog with the hunger of an old friend.
Silence from the specters as they hung with bated breath along with the rest of the universe, though their breath would be in abatement forevermore.
Losing myself to the intoxicating savor, I struggled to come back to myself and the battle at hand. A warning shot as the grease ejaculated towards my hovering hand brought me to the present and the fight against the bacon reuben was on.
Spatula and fork struggled to overcome the grease and deadly temptation of eating too soon, but the grease continued to excite and erupt damaging my fair epidermis. Admitting defeat of the battle, but not the war, I conceded to cooking at a lower temperature and resigned myself to a long and bitter day.
The apparitions summoned forth ectoplasm in place of breath and the madness set in once more. "baaaaaacccoooooon". Worse! Demons of Mephistopheles danced about holding miniature pitchforks (I'll call them forks) and spearing forth the succulent flesh of bacon to dance it in front of me, tempting me with salmonella and deliciousness.
With a roar I erupted from the skillet towards the one sanctuary I might claim against such dastardly and craven tactics, the refrigerator.
Chocolate. Milk.
Pure, ice cold, refreshing, sweet chocolate intermixed with deadly milk. I immersed myself in the self-induced luxury of lactose poisoning, knowing the dreaded cramps and other bowel difficulties would not bother me until after the passing of the demons.
With my thirst slaked and milk churning inside my stomach, Mephistopheles called off the hordes of imps and I was able to fry the bacon in peace.
"Baaaaaaaaaacccooooooooon." No! The phantasms! No longer possessing the mental acuity to resist them, my hand plunged with alarming speed to the abyss of bacon and grease, NO!
I wrenched my hand to the side to avoid the disaster that would necessitate a trip to the hospital only to feel the ridges of the temperature dial fill my hand. It had been a trap! All along this is what the ghasts of the house were pushing me towards! I watched in horror as the alien hand robbed my sense of agency and steadily increased the temperature.
Already the excitation of the grease splattered and popped, primed from the previous tryst with heat. Wrenching back control of my hand, I rushed to contain the damage. A paper towel, an envelope, a plate! Shields and mats to protect the furniture from the bacon emergences.
Finally, the desired crisp began to take shape on the shrunken slabs. With great alacrity, my trusted fork and spatula scooped up the worthy to lead to Valhalla of the paper-towel-covered plate.
"Reeeeuuuuubbeeeennnnn" the specters shouted as they shook their ectoplasmic fists against the walls, shaking the house.
"I haven't forgotten! You rotting, necrotic blackguards!" The sauerkraut was armed and ready, and my fork plunged into it again and again, leaving no hope of sauerkraut left behind and unharmed. The sputter warned me that the temperature and grease were not prepared for this new intrusion, and the first real sense of fear tore through my soul as the liquid of the sour greens explosively reacted with the hot grease of bacon.
"I may have taken a misstep." The bulwark that was my paper-plate shield defended the hand that re-ventured to the temperature dial to spin it back to manageable levels while simultaneously popping down the would-be toast.
A quick fry and the fermented cabbage rested safely out of the pan. For now.
My salivary glands were gushing and I could not resist plucking the fruit that was bacon and tossing it whole into my waiting-to-be-burned mouth. Delicious agony in my mouth with the sadistic juice not content to scald my innards, but dribbling out onto my chin. It was worth it.
My battle plan was nearing completion but the winner was still up for grabs. Eggs, numbering four, cracked out into the welcoming juice of bacon. Cackling maniacally, I rushed to assure that my condiments and the lesser foods would be ready to receive their monarch. Slicing and dicing, tomato and lettuce sacrificed their form to the masterpiece. The Dressing of the Thousand Isles would be opened and waiting to adorn the chosen one.
NO! There was no dressing! Why, God? Why, on today of all days? Why?
My tormentors were silent in commiseration, and to this day I do not know if it was my own demented mind, the ghasts, or God answering my prayers, but my eyes were drawn inexorably to the bottle of delicious mayonnaise hiding on the bottom shelf. "Maaaaaaayyyyooooooo".
YES!
Mayonnaise would be the perfect topping for a bacon & egg reuben!
And so the construction began. But no, there was too much for a single masterpiece!
Another plate. Another pair of would-be toast crammed down into the fiery grill of toaster. TWO bacon & egg reubens would be the outcome. I would not be defeated!
I carefully layered the bacon to maximize height potential of the coming sandwich. Finally, I was ready for sauerkraut on the bacon and the lesser foods on the crown.
Not since God looked upon Adam had a creation been deemed so good, but as with Adam, this creation was incomplete and needed a companion. It needed eggs.
Completion!
The construction was nearing its end, only joining together crown and throne of the sandwich with Its Royal Majesty, the Bacon & Egg Reuben between, would the sandwich truly be finished.
Success!
I sat down to have audience with IRM, the Just and Honorable, Bacon & Egg Reuben, but madness and delirium overtook me and moments later I surveyed the carnage of my actions:
I cannot describe the emotions and feelings I went through while I sat there, but the hunger had been so intense that when I say "moments later", know I mean "moments later". As in, literally, moments. As in, no more than 12 seconds. As in, the time it's taken you to read this last paragraph is probably comparable to how long it took me to eat this sandwich.
And like some ravenous zombie, the gore left behind attracted my hunger and attention as well, until the wafting smell of the remaining flesh in the room smacked me across the face and drew my ire and I fell upon the second Bacon & Egg Reuben sandwich in my fervor.
But this Reuben would not be felled so easily, it fought back! Using my age and decreased stomach size against me, it rebelled and fought every bite and lick of the fingers, every scoop of delicious carnage revolted against its impending doom.
And it falls upon me now to say that it is a sad day. I have crossed the point from youth and begun my descent into old age. I lost the battle against the second Bacon & Egg Reuben, not because I couldn't finish it, but because the thought of making myself sick to finish it struck a note of discord within me.
Something that I had never even considered doing before, stopping before I made myself sick, now seemed not just a viable option, but the BEST option!
IRM, Bacon & Egg Reuben II remained standing, but I am confident in saying that it must have been a Pyrrhic victory.
The first campaign against the bacon & egg reuben twins ended in failure I suppose, but it was not the outcome of having consumed the twofold sandwiches that is the point in eating, but the glorious taste of battle itself, that is the reason.
That'll do, pig, that'll do.
Epilogue
The statement struck like lightning. Off-handed and innocuous once more. "I didn't know we had Swiss..."
Oh my God! No! No no no no no! I FORGOT SWISS CHEESE! The horror!
Already I can hear them coming for me, chanting incessantly day and night: the tell-tale sandwich. We will meet again.
"Baaaaaaacccooooonnn. Reeeeuuuuuubbeeeeennnnn."
"Of course I've made a Reuben with bacon," I replied haughtily. After all, what fellow hadn't considered adding bacon to every appetizer, entree and dessert in their repertoire. No red-blooded American carnivore could open their fridge for ingredients in a culinary delight, see bacon, and pass up the opportunity to supplement the known with the savory.
"Not that, you moron. A Reuben where they use bacon instead of corned beef. I saw it on TV." The thunder rolled in and only then did my brain realize the traumatic event that had occurred. The lightning left me disoriented, but the thunder provided focus. My condescension was smashed. A Reuben sans corned beef with bacon. A bacon Reuben.A bac-en.
Working faster than ever before, my stomach juices churned with brilliance and substituted in for my dazed and confused brain, "Well I hope they made it with a fried egg too!"
"No, I don't think they did." The coolness accompanying her matter-of-fact attitude, her nonchalance, her complete and utter badassitude struck me as solidly as her beauty the first time I met her. This vision of amazing had just delivered on her end of the bargain when I asked her to marry me. No matter what I would do for the remainder of my wretched existence, sharing the idea for a bacon Reuben would trump everything I could ever offer. I knew again why I loved her so much: because she delivered bacon.
I attempted to play it cool in the way only a complete dork marrying a beautiful badass can, i.e. not at all, but trying damn hard! The sandwich had delivered, tormenting not just brain, not just stomach, but both at alternate and simultaneous times. There was no space loud enough to drown out the inexorable, "Baaaaaaccccooooooonnn. Reeeeeuuuuuubbeeeeennnn." that echoed and resounded around me like the tell-tale sandwich it was.
Normally delicious sustenance turned to ash in my mouth, "baaaaaaccoooooonnnn." Couldn't they hear it? How can they sit there with their hamburgers, their pizza, their nachos and their pasta? "Rrreeuuuuubbbbbeeeeennnnnnn."
Tormented, I fled. Days passed in a blur as I continued to return to the inevitable.
I was going to have to make it.
The blur of days passing turned interminable and inexorably dragged on as all joy of life was sucked out and replaced with the vacuum of a bacon-less existence. Finally, a glorious Saturday appeared on the horizon with no errands, chores or deadlines to choke out the possibility of creating a masterpiece. Like Gandalf with the Riders of the Rohirrim saving Helms Deep, this Day of Saturn swooped in at the last possible moment to present an opportunity for salvation through bacon.
Hurriedly, I assembled my ingredients as the never-ending "baaaacccoooon" reverberated throughout my haunted home as the poltergeists echoed, "reeeeuuuuubbeeeennnn".
"Shut up! I'm making it!" but the steady thrum of ghastly cries for bacon only increased in intensity as the impending sizzle of side of pig approached.
The skies opened and sun illuminated the world as the first hiss of melting butter crackled across the room. As the solid cream yielded to temperature and liquefied and greeted the fat of hog with the hunger of an old friend.
Silence from the specters as they hung with bated breath along with the rest of the universe, though their breath would be in abatement forevermore.
Losing myself to the intoxicating savor, I struggled to come back to myself and the battle at hand. A warning shot as the grease ejaculated towards my hovering hand brought me to the present and the fight against the bacon reuben was on.
Spatula and fork struggled to overcome the grease and deadly temptation of eating too soon, but the grease continued to excite and erupt damaging my fair epidermis. Admitting defeat of the battle, but not the war, I conceded to cooking at a lower temperature and resigned myself to a long and bitter day.
The apparitions summoned forth ectoplasm in place of breath and the madness set in once more. "baaaaaacccoooooon". Worse! Demons of Mephistopheles danced about holding miniature pitchforks (I'll call them forks) and spearing forth the succulent flesh of bacon to dance it in front of me, tempting me with salmonella and deliciousness.
With a roar I erupted from the skillet towards the one sanctuary I might claim against such dastardly and craven tactics, the refrigerator.
Chocolate. Milk.
Pure, ice cold, refreshing, sweet chocolate intermixed with deadly milk. I immersed myself in the self-induced luxury of lactose poisoning, knowing the dreaded cramps and other bowel difficulties would not bother me until after the passing of the demons.
With my thirst slaked and milk churning inside my stomach, Mephistopheles called off the hordes of imps and I was able to fry the bacon in peace.
"Baaaaaaaaaacccooooooooon." No! The phantasms! No longer possessing the mental acuity to resist them, my hand plunged with alarming speed to the abyss of bacon and grease, NO!
I wrenched my hand to the side to avoid the disaster that would necessitate a trip to the hospital only to feel the ridges of the temperature dial fill my hand. It had been a trap! All along this is what the ghasts of the house were pushing me towards! I watched in horror as the alien hand robbed my sense of agency and steadily increased the temperature.
Already the excitation of the grease splattered and popped, primed from the previous tryst with heat. Wrenching back control of my hand, I rushed to contain the damage. A paper towel, an envelope, a plate! Shields and mats to protect the furniture from the bacon emergences.
Finally, the desired crisp began to take shape on the shrunken slabs. With great alacrity, my trusted fork and spatula scooped up the worthy to lead to Valhalla of the paper-towel-covered plate.
"Reeeeuuuuubbeeeennnnn" the specters shouted as they shook their ectoplasmic fists against the walls, shaking the house.
"I haven't forgotten! You rotting, necrotic blackguards!" The sauerkraut was armed and ready, and my fork plunged into it again and again, leaving no hope of sauerkraut left behind and unharmed. The sputter warned me that the temperature and grease were not prepared for this new intrusion, and the first real sense of fear tore through my soul as the liquid of the sour greens explosively reacted with the hot grease of bacon.
"I may have taken a misstep." The bulwark that was my paper-plate shield defended the hand that re-ventured to the temperature dial to spin it back to manageable levels while simultaneously popping down the would-be toast.
A quick fry and the fermented cabbage rested safely out of the pan. For now.
My salivary glands were gushing and I could not resist plucking the fruit that was bacon and tossing it whole into my waiting-to-be-burned mouth. Delicious agony in my mouth with the sadistic juice not content to scald my innards, but dribbling out onto my chin. It was worth it.
My battle plan was nearing completion but the winner was still up for grabs. Eggs, numbering four, cracked out into the welcoming juice of bacon. Cackling maniacally, I rushed to assure that my condiments and the lesser foods would be ready to receive their monarch. Slicing and dicing, tomato and lettuce sacrificed their form to the masterpiece. The Dressing of the Thousand Isles would be opened and waiting to adorn the chosen one.
NO! There was no dressing! Why, God? Why, on today of all days? Why?
My tormentors were silent in commiseration, and to this day I do not know if it was my own demented mind, the ghasts, or God answering my prayers, but my eyes were drawn inexorably to the bottle of delicious mayonnaise hiding on the bottom shelf. "Maaaaaaayyyyooooooo".
YES!
Mayonnaise would be the perfect topping for a bacon & egg reuben!
And so the construction began. But no, there was too much for a single masterpiece!
Another plate. Another pair of would-be toast crammed down into the fiery grill of toaster. TWO bacon & egg reubens would be the outcome. I would not be defeated!
I carefully layered the bacon to maximize height potential of the coming sandwich. Finally, I was ready for sauerkraut on the bacon and the lesser foods on the crown.
Not since God looked upon Adam had a creation been deemed so good, but as with Adam, this creation was incomplete and needed a companion. It needed eggs.
Completion!
The construction was nearing its end, only joining together crown and throne of the sandwich with Its Royal Majesty, the Bacon & Egg Reuben between, would the sandwich truly be finished.
Success!I sat down to have audience with IRM, the Just and Honorable, Bacon & Egg Reuben, but madness and delirium overtook me and moments later I surveyed the carnage of my actions:
I cannot describe the emotions and feelings I went through while I sat there, but the hunger had been so intense that when I say "moments later", know I mean "moments later". As in, literally, moments. As in, no more than 12 seconds. As in, the time it's taken you to read this last paragraph is probably comparable to how long it took me to eat this sandwich.
And like some ravenous zombie, the gore left behind attracted my hunger and attention as well, until the wafting smell of the remaining flesh in the room smacked me across the face and drew my ire and I fell upon the second Bacon & Egg Reuben sandwich in my fervor.
But this Reuben would not be felled so easily, it fought back! Using my age and decreased stomach size against me, it rebelled and fought every bite and lick of the fingers, every scoop of delicious carnage revolted against its impending doom.
And it falls upon me now to say that it is a sad day. I have crossed the point from youth and begun my descent into old age. I lost the battle against the second Bacon & Egg Reuben, not because I couldn't finish it, but because the thought of making myself sick to finish it struck a note of discord within me.
Something that I had never even considered doing before, stopping before I made myself sick, now seemed not just a viable option, but the BEST option!
IRM, Bacon & Egg Reuben II remained standing, but I am confident in saying that it must have been a Pyrrhic victory.
The first campaign against the bacon & egg reuben twins ended in failure I suppose, but it was not the outcome of having consumed the twofold sandwiches that is the point in eating, but the glorious taste of battle itself, that is the reason.
That'll do, pig, that'll do.
Epilogue
The statement struck like lightning. Off-handed and innocuous once more. "I didn't know we had Swiss..."
Oh my God! No! No no no no no! I FORGOT SWISS CHEESE! The horror!
Already I can hear them coming for me, chanting incessantly day and night: the tell-tale sandwich. We will meet again.
"Baaaaaaacccooooonnn. Reeeeuuuuuubbeeeeennnnn."
May 11, 2013
Doctor Who Series 7: Episode 13: Nightmare in Silver Review
(Note: Attempts at a spoiler-free review refers to not giving away any major reveals of the episode, and usually not more than what is found in the teaser given the week before. May contain spoilers of past weeks. Please avoid reading the reflection and comments for spoilers. Last week's review of "The Crimson Horror" is here.)
It's Saturday! So it's time for another foray into the adventures of Doctor Who. This week's episode was again penned by Neil Gaiman, who had previously wrote, "The Doctor's Wife". To those that geekasturbate over Mr. Gaiman and his works, this week's episode was probably a let-down, but for those of us whose nerd-juices don't flow at the mention of Neil Gaiman, it was another solid episode.
Actually, they're too competent. The story seems to suffer from this as they become so competent and there is not the usual delaying speech by the Doctor to explain why they don't kill everyone immediately. Empowering them is one way of overcoming villain-decay, but it just makes it crazier when the cybermen don't kill/upgrade everyone immediately. It was a sour taste, but not as sour as the douchebag children accompanying the Doctor and Clara after having blackmailed Clara at the end of last week.
The boy character is alright in that he is a precocious, scared child, but the teenage girl is annoying in every scene she appears in. Luckily, they are not a major focus of the episode. They're terrible. Terribly un-entertaining.
Matt Smith has some brilliant acting in this one and his scenes that take place in his own head are fantastic. Clara is brilliant as usual and Jenna-Louise Coleman continues to do a bang-up job as the best companion of the eleventh Doctor.
No spoiler-full reflection this week as there was nothing revealed in the episode I am particularly exuberant about. I will say this:
I had occasion to re-watch the adventures of the ninth Doctor over the last couple of months and what strikes me the most is that the episodes of this series (or season) do not move me emotionally the way they easily did in previous years. I cannot recall the last time an episode of Doctor Who made me bawl (I assume Series 6 had a few), but I am hopeful for the series finale. Having built up Clara as being spectacular, it would be very easy to yank that chain attached to the hearts of the viewers, but every trailer seems to point towards the series finale focusing on the Doctor with Clara as an afterthought. I think it has been revealed that we will find out the impossible-ness of Clara, but I have a lot of ambiguous feelings moving forward and am very worried.
Episode's Final Rating: B 8.5/10
What were your thoughts?
It's Saturday! So it's time for another foray into the adventures of Doctor Who. This week's episode was again penned by Neil Gaiman, who had previously wrote, "The Doctor's Wife". To those that geekasturbate over Mr. Gaiman and his works, this week's episode was probably a let-down, but for those of us whose nerd-juices don't flow at the mention of Neil Gaiman, it was another solid episode.
Actually, they're too competent. The story seems to suffer from this as they become so competent and there is not the usual delaying speech by the Doctor to explain why they don't kill everyone immediately. Empowering them is one way of overcoming villain-decay, but it just makes it crazier when the cybermen don't kill/upgrade everyone immediately. It was a sour taste, but not as sour as the douchebag children accompanying the Doctor and Clara after having blackmailed Clara at the end of last week.
The boy character is alright in that he is a precocious, scared child, but the teenage girl is annoying in every scene she appears in. Luckily, they are not a major focus of the episode. They're terrible. Terribly un-entertaining.
Matt Smith has some brilliant acting in this one and his scenes that take place in his own head are fantastic. Clara is brilliant as usual and Jenna-Louise Coleman continues to do a bang-up job as the best companion of the eleventh Doctor.
No spoiler-full reflection this week as there was nothing revealed in the episode I am particularly exuberant about. I will say this:
I had occasion to re-watch the adventures of the ninth Doctor over the last couple of months and what strikes me the most is that the episodes of this series (or season) do not move me emotionally the way they easily did in previous years. I cannot recall the last time an episode of Doctor Who made me bawl (I assume Series 6 had a few), but I am hopeful for the series finale. Having built up Clara as being spectacular, it would be very easy to yank that chain attached to the hearts of the viewers, but every trailer seems to point towards the series finale focusing on the Doctor with Clara as an afterthought. I think it has been revealed that we will find out the impossible-ness of Clara, but I have a lot of ambiguous feelings moving forward and am very worried.
Episode's Final Rating: B 8.5/10
What were your thoughts?
May 4, 2013
Doctor Who: Series 7: Episode 12: The Crimson Horror — Review and Reflection
(Note: Attempts at a spoiler-free review refers to not giving away any major reveals of the episode, and usually not more than what is found in the teaser given the week before. May contain spoilers of past weeks. Please avoid reading the reflection and comments for spoilers. Last week's review of "Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS" is here.)
Time for another episode of the smash hit, Doctor Who. This week we have the eponymous ancient poison of mysterious (and ancient) origins with a supposedly Stepford-esque utopia (at least that's the connotation granted from the teaser). You can stream Doctor Who episodes from Amazon via the picture below:
and new (to me at least), there is the option to pre-order the second half of series 7 in DVD and blu-ray:
I'm sure that it's worth it to purchase half-seasons of Doctor Who, and maybe it's just the American in me (or the non-rich me in me) speaking, but I find it hard to swallow a half-season of less than 10 episodes.
In fact, I'd say Doctor Who would have avoided any of the horrible taste Series 7 Part 1 left with us by producing more than a paltry 5 episodes of varying quality. From A ranking with "Asylum of the Daleks", B with "A Town Called Mercy" and whatever the heck the rest of the episodes were (a nostalgic C, which is pretty much a D or F from any non-nostalgia-induced reviewer).
I've heard that there were considerations of a spin-off with Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax, and I'm sure it would be entertaining to have watched, but I was initially concerned that the Doctor and Clara (who is quickly moving up the ranks of all-time favorite companions) were going to play backseat as well this episode! I'm all for episodes like that in hindsight, "Blink" was spectacular, but I watched "Blink" after it had already aired and the next episode was, maybe not readily available, but in existence at least! An entire episode without the Doctor playing more than a bit role would have been insufferable with how much the seasons are drawn out anymore.
Luckily, the Doctor and his companion make their appearance eventually, and the beginning serves more as an entertaining romp and set-up than the spin-off making episode I feared it might have become.
The episode was good, although I will say the enemies were not as competent as they could have been, especially considering they were up against not just the Doctor and Clara but also Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax!
Still, it was quite a nice episode.
Final Review: A- 9/10
Reflection — Warning: Spoilers!
Cool episode! Clara discovers one of her other lives (although so do the brats she lives with)! The Doctor is kissing practically everyone! Clara does not deny that the Doctor is her boyfriend (although that may have been to avoid a cliche)! And the Doctor kinda' just shrugs at (if not outright approves of) lots of violence and death!
It's still such a relief that Doctor Who isn't sucking as much as it did in Series 7 Part 1. Unfortunately, this means that my hopes are elevated for the series finale.
Next week we are re-introduced to the Mondasian cybermen, which have been absent from this series for quite a while (although it is implied that the cybermen that Rory talks to in "A Good Man Goes to War" are of the Mondasian variety). The Mondasian cybermen are the cybermen of the old series of Doctor Who in case you weren't sure, the new series cybermen have a big Cybus C on their chests and came from a parallel Earth.
I am a little concerned that Doctor Who tends to rewrite endings (which I know is to be expected in a time travel show!), but one of the big complaints I have with comics is the endless soap opera nature of them. This is usually avoided in movies and cartoon shows, because of their shorter nature, so that's how I prefer to consume DC and Marvel comics. The Mondasian cybermen already have a final end written, and it was a good one, so why rewrite it? Just for ratings? Will the story of Doctor Who ever end?
I'm not saying I want it to end. It makes you feel more than most (if not all) television programs, and has regularly gotten to me on a physiological/emotional level (adrenaline, dopamine, euphoria, glee, horror, despair, crying, laughing, shouting in triumph, etc).
But it shouldn't be afraid of an end.
It could do a pretty amazing one. It could do the best ever.
It could.
Anyway, what were your thoughts on tonight's episode?
Time for another episode of the smash hit, Doctor Who. This week we have the eponymous ancient poison of mysterious (and ancient) origins with a supposedly Stepford-esque utopia (at least that's the connotation granted from the teaser). You can stream Doctor Who episodes from Amazon via the picture below:
and new (to me at least), there is the option to pre-order the second half of series 7 in DVD and blu-ray:
I'm sure that it's worth it to purchase half-seasons of Doctor Who, and maybe it's just the American in me (or the non-rich me in me) speaking, but I find it hard to swallow a half-season of less than 10 episodes.In fact, I'd say Doctor Who would have avoided any of the horrible taste Series 7 Part 1 left with us by producing more than a paltry 5 episodes of varying quality. From A ranking with "Asylum of the Daleks", B with "A Town Called Mercy" and whatever the heck the rest of the episodes were (a nostalgic C, which is pretty much a D or F from any non-nostalgia-induced reviewer).
I've heard that there were considerations of a spin-off with Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax, and I'm sure it would be entertaining to have watched, but I was initially concerned that the Doctor and Clara (who is quickly moving up the ranks of all-time favorite companions) were going to play backseat as well this episode! I'm all for episodes like that in hindsight, "Blink" was spectacular, but I watched "Blink" after it had already aired and the next episode was, maybe not readily available, but in existence at least! An entire episode without the Doctor playing more than a bit role would have been insufferable with how much the seasons are drawn out anymore.
Luckily, the Doctor and his companion make their appearance eventually, and the beginning serves more as an entertaining romp and set-up than the spin-off making episode I feared it might have become.
The episode was good, although I will say the enemies were not as competent as they could have been, especially considering they were up against not just the Doctor and Clara but also Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax!
Still, it was quite a nice episode.
Final Review: A- 9/10
Reflection — Warning: Spoilers!
Cool episode! Clara discovers one of her other lives (although so do the brats she lives with)! The Doctor is kissing practically everyone! Clara does not deny that the Doctor is her boyfriend (although that may have been to avoid a cliche)! And the Doctor kinda' just shrugs at (if not outright approves of) lots of violence and death!
It's still such a relief that Doctor Who isn't sucking as much as it did in Series 7 Part 1. Unfortunately, this means that my hopes are elevated for the series finale.
Next week we are re-introduced to the Mondasian cybermen, which have been absent from this series for quite a while (although it is implied that the cybermen that Rory talks to in "A Good Man Goes to War" are of the Mondasian variety). The Mondasian cybermen are the cybermen of the old series of Doctor Who in case you weren't sure, the new series cybermen have a big Cybus C on their chests and came from a parallel Earth.
I am a little concerned that Doctor Who tends to rewrite endings (which I know is to be expected in a time travel show!), but one of the big complaints I have with comics is the endless soap opera nature of them. This is usually avoided in movies and cartoon shows, because of their shorter nature, so that's how I prefer to consume DC and Marvel comics. The Mondasian cybermen already have a final end written, and it was a good one, so why rewrite it? Just for ratings? Will the story of Doctor Who ever end?
I'm not saying I want it to end. It makes you feel more than most (if not all) television programs, and has regularly gotten to me on a physiological/emotional level (adrenaline, dopamine, euphoria, glee, horror, despair, crying, laughing, shouting in triumph, etc).
But it shouldn't be afraid of an end.
It could do a pretty amazing one. It could do the best ever.
It could.
Anyway, what were your thoughts on tonight's episode?
April 29, 2013
Defiance: A Retrospective After Three Episodes
I probably won't be reviewing Defiance episodes for the foreseeable future (unless something drastic happens on the show). They seem to have fallen into a good groove and continue to do what they do well and continue to annoy me in the same ways.
It's a very high-quality sci-fi show that is especially of interest to anyone that enjoys post-apocalypse and frontier sci-fi. It has a great soundtrack, good CG, good actors, and OK writing. Check it out. You can watch episodes for $1.99 below (they should have the third episode, "The Devil in the Dark" sometime later today):
The annoyances:
I'll probably post a review of the season finale and a season 1 retrospective, but unless a particular episode really blows me out of the water or drops the ball entirely, I don't want to dedicate more posts to repeating myself every week.
The storylines are not overly epic (not that they need to be, they're quite good as they are), and I don't think each episode needs a review.
What have been your thoughts on Defiance so far?
It's a very high-quality sci-fi show that is especially of interest to anyone that enjoys post-apocalypse and frontier sci-fi. It has a great soundtrack, good CG, good actors, and OK writing. Check it out. You can watch episodes for $1.99 below (they should have the third episode, "The Devil in the Dark" sometime later today):
The annoyances:
Deliberate storytelling. Everything is set up with the precision of dominos and the pieces fall as you would expect. Sometimes it's not really clear why particular dominos are set in particular locations in-verse, and you realize it's because the set-up is needed for what they want. There are better ways to achieve what you want than to force it, thank you.
Racism for the sake of racism. I'm usually annoyed by racism in general, but it really seems that many of these racist people don't even have a reason to be racist. It's more like, "They're a different species so we have to hate them!" I mean, I understand that racism like that exists, but in a story it is much more bearable when there is some sort of reasoning behind it.
Revealing the enemy. Although they didn't in Episode 3, in Episodes 1 and 2, we were "treated" to what the villains were talking about and planning. I'd really rather not know, thanks.The show is clocking in at a solid B, 8.5/10, but it has so much potential the B is almost sickening.
I'll probably post a review of the season finale and a season 1 retrospective, but unless a particular episode really blows me out of the water or drops the ball entirely, I don't want to dedicate more posts to repeating myself every week.
The storylines are not overly epic (not that they need to be, they're quite good as they are), and I don't think each episode needs a review.
What have been your thoughts on Defiance so far?
April 27, 2013
Doctor Who Series 7 Episode 11: Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS — Review and Reflection
(Note: "Spoiler-free" refers to not giving away any major reveals of the episode, and usually not more than what is found in the teaser for next week. May contain spoilers of past weeks. Please avoid reading the comments for spoilers and more discussion on the episode).
We pick up Doctor Who again this week after last week's amazing "Hide" (review here). Whereas it would be hard to beat last week's episode (which I proclaimed one of the best, and probably easily the best one-off, episodes in the last three series), I remained hopeful about a journey to the center (sorry, I'm American, not British. We say "center", not "centre") of the TARDIS.
You can watch Series 7 by clicking on the picture below ($1.99 per episode). Depending on when you access it, they should have Episode 11 posted (they've been pretty good about getting them up the next day):
"Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS" features a lot more of the Doctor trying to get Clara and the TARDIS to like each other, which sets up the inevitable crash with Clara missing inside the TARDIS and the Doctor forced to rely on some passing scavengers of less than reputable morals to search for her within the TARDIS.
There's monsters about too, which tend to cause some drama. In fact, in terms of scariness, I'd say these monsters are more horrific than last week's. The director again uses camera blur to prevent us from getting a good look at the monsters for a bit (although they were shown in the trailer for the episode, because of the camera blur, they look like a few different Doctor Who monsters so I won't spoil it by naming them).
The TARDIS is regularly impressive, although I was sick of TARDIS corridors way back in "The Doctor's Wife", and they haven't improved since. I only hope that the TARDIS corridors when David Tennant was Doctor were a little more organic.
Just like last week, the TARDIS again reveals itself as a bona fide entity with feelings and not just a ship (one wonders why it argued so much back in "Let's Kill Hitler"). There are some nods to the past for long-time fans with ghost voices of series gone by amongst a handful of other things.
All-in-all, a solid episode worthy of the name Doctor Who.
Zero's Review: B 8.5/10
Warning: Spoilers Ahead Reflection:
This episode was interesting for a few reasons. First, with the TARDIS blowing up, the Doctor is right there wondering about Clara's identity instead of trying to fix his precious ship. Also, if Clara is some sort of sleeper agent, it's possible she still knows his name (bear with me) by uploading her lost timeline consciousness to the "cloud".
The Doctor has some pretty bad luck with lowering the shields on the TARDIS. The last time I remember him doing that, the Titanic crashed into it! (You can see it at the 7:25 mark in the video below, if you've never watched "Time Crash", it shows the Tenth Doctor meeting the Fifth Doctor back at the end of Series 3, pretty good for Whovians).
And actually, this episode ended remarkably like "Time Crash" did! A Doctor from the future fixing everything. That's a little rubbish! Recycling much?!
The lava humans were a nice monster (a little worse here than in Silent Hill), but the scene with them in the fuel room was a little extra paradox-y. If the creatures hadn't been there, they wouldn't have been in danger of burning up there, and if they weren't in danger of burning up, then the creatures would have never been made. That's a paradox I have a hard time getting behind, personally. I also didn't quite follow the "time line asserting itself" by making the past brothers into the future brothers (which shouldn't have existed at all), but that's a little easier to let go.
The Eye of Harmony shows up for the second episode in a row, you don't think they're leading us into something, do you? This might have been what they were leading us to. It was nice to see the Eye of Harmony finally though. I'd always heard that the TARDIS version was a mathematical copy of the original, but no, there was full-on star inside the TARDIS in this episode. Is this the true form of the cloister bell room? Would it have been safe and relaxing in there if the TARDIS hadn't been exploding?
At one point in the TARDIS's history, it was not "bigger on the inside". In fact, it had made it's outsides just as big as it's insides. At that point, it was at least as large as a planet. Today, we learn that the TARDIS is INFINITE (not an acronym, just capital due to my incredulity). If not infinite, at least as large as a star! I did not need to be more impressed with the size of the TARDIS at this or any other time in the history of my enthusiasm for the show. I mean, I guess I'm OK with it (that's an acronym that means "all correct"), but it kinda' is completely insane. I thought showing the library and Clara's comment were quite fitting and a good way to end the "it's bigger on the inside" theme, showing a star in a room is quite another thing. Especially, when that is a star permanently frozen before collapsing into a black hole.
Here's a little astronomy for you. What kind of star collapses into a black hole? Give up? A red supergiant. Now, there's a reason why these kind of stars are called "supergiant". Imagine the distance from Earth to Mars. Wait, you can't? Here's a helpful link: http://www.distancetomars.com. Now, that's the distance from Earth to Mars.
A red supergiant would extend over ten times farther than you just traveled with that website. That's just the radius. That's about 82000 EARTHS in one direction. That room with the Eye of Harmony could easily hold half a million PLANETS the size of Earth (and probably easily a million planets since I'm really just multiplying for the 6 directions (front, right, left, back, up, down).
I'm a mathematician as much as I am a writer, and I usually do not have trouble giving the benefit of the doubt. I do not doubt that Time Lords were able to harness the power of a collapsing star's potential energy or even that they are able to put an entire star inside a room. But inside every TARDIS ever grown? How could the Daleks ever compete?
It's upsetting.
Moving on.
Other questions: If the star is powering the TARDIS, then why does it still need rift energy? Did the Doctor upgrade the TARDIS to full-on star power since the last rift fill-up? I'm OK with the idea that being in a pocket universe would drain all of the energy of the Eye of Harmony, but that one time that the TARDIS actually was completely drained, how did they get it running again? Did he have to go find a new star? Is hanging out on top of the rift for 2 days or so really as much power as the entirety of the potential energy of a collapsing star? And if so, why didn't they just put a rift inside the TARDIS?
Clara finds out the Doctor's true name and the universe didn't explode. What an anticlimax. Which is pretty much what it will be when (do I daresay "if") we find out. I don't want to know the Doctor's name. I cannot imagine it ever being something I would ever want to know. Telling us the Doctor's name is akin to putting question marks on the Doctor's clothing — i.e. the series forgetting that we don't watch Doctor Who for the eponymous mystery, but rather for the amazing characters going on amazing adventures.
I am really starting to like Clara's character (not up to Donna levels yet, but approaching Jack Harkness heights), and it's more annoying than ever that the Doctor is a dick to her. Every time her past incarnations did appear, she was really super nice and helpful, so maybe not be such a dick, yeah?
That's enough for one night. What were your thoughts?
We pick up Doctor Who again this week after last week's amazing "Hide" (review here). Whereas it would be hard to beat last week's episode (which I proclaimed one of the best, and probably easily the best one-off, episodes in the last three series), I remained hopeful about a journey to the center (sorry, I'm American, not British. We say "center", not "centre") of the TARDIS.
You can watch Series 7 by clicking on the picture below ($1.99 per episode). Depending on when you access it, they should have Episode 11 posted (they've been pretty good about getting them up the next day):
"Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS" features a lot more of the Doctor trying to get Clara and the TARDIS to like each other, which sets up the inevitable crash with Clara missing inside the TARDIS and the Doctor forced to rely on some passing scavengers of less than reputable morals to search for her within the TARDIS.
There's monsters about too, which tend to cause some drama. In fact, in terms of scariness, I'd say these monsters are more horrific than last week's. The director again uses camera blur to prevent us from getting a good look at the monsters for a bit (although they were shown in the trailer for the episode, because of the camera blur, they look like a few different Doctor Who monsters so I won't spoil it by naming them).
The TARDIS is regularly impressive, although I was sick of TARDIS corridors way back in "The Doctor's Wife", and they haven't improved since. I only hope that the TARDIS corridors when David Tennant was Doctor were a little more organic.
Just like last week, the TARDIS again reveals itself as a bona fide entity with feelings and not just a ship (one wonders why it argued so much back in "Let's Kill Hitler"). There are some nods to the past for long-time fans with ghost voices of series gone by amongst a handful of other things.
All-in-all, a solid episode worthy of the name Doctor Who.
Zero's Review: B 8.5/10
Warning: Spoilers Ahead Reflection:
This episode was interesting for a few reasons. First, with the TARDIS blowing up, the Doctor is right there wondering about Clara's identity instead of trying to fix his precious ship. Also, if Clara is some sort of sleeper agent, it's possible she still knows his name (bear with me) by uploading her lost timeline consciousness to the "cloud".
The Doctor has some pretty bad luck with lowering the shields on the TARDIS. The last time I remember him doing that, the Titanic crashed into it! (You can see it at the 7:25 mark in the video below, if you've never watched "Time Crash", it shows the Tenth Doctor meeting the Fifth Doctor back at the end of Series 3, pretty good for Whovians).
And actually, this episode ended remarkably like "Time Crash" did! A Doctor from the future fixing everything. That's a little rubbish! Recycling much?!
The lava humans were a nice monster (a little worse here than in Silent Hill), but the scene with them in the fuel room was a little extra paradox-y. If the creatures hadn't been there, they wouldn't have been in danger of burning up there, and if they weren't in danger of burning up, then the creatures would have never been made. That's a paradox I have a hard time getting behind, personally. I also didn't quite follow the "time line asserting itself" by making the past brothers into the future brothers (which shouldn't have existed at all), but that's a little easier to let go.
The Eye of Harmony shows up for the second episode in a row, you don't think they're leading us into something, do you? This might have been what they were leading us to. It was nice to see the Eye of Harmony finally though. I'd always heard that the TARDIS version was a mathematical copy of the original, but no, there was full-on star inside the TARDIS in this episode. Is this the true form of the cloister bell room? Would it have been safe and relaxing in there if the TARDIS hadn't been exploding?
At one point in the TARDIS's history, it was not "bigger on the inside". In fact, it had made it's outsides just as big as it's insides. At that point, it was at least as large as a planet. Today, we learn that the TARDIS is INFINITE (not an acronym, just capital due to my incredulity). If not infinite, at least as large as a star! I did not need to be more impressed with the size of the TARDIS at this or any other time in the history of my enthusiasm for the show. I mean, I guess I'm OK with it (that's an acronym that means "all correct"), but it kinda' is completely insane. I thought showing the library and Clara's comment were quite fitting and a good way to end the "it's bigger on the inside" theme, showing a star in a room is quite another thing. Especially, when that is a star permanently frozen before collapsing into a black hole.
Here's a little astronomy for you. What kind of star collapses into a black hole? Give up? A red supergiant. Now, there's a reason why these kind of stars are called "supergiant". Imagine the distance from Earth to Mars. Wait, you can't? Here's a helpful link: http://www.distancetomars.com. Now, that's the distance from Earth to Mars.
A red supergiant would extend over ten times farther than you just traveled with that website. That's just the radius. That's about 82000 EARTHS in one direction. That room with the Eye of Harmony could easily hold half a million PLANETS the size of Earth (and probably easily a million planets since I'm really just multiplying for the 6 directions (front, right, left, back, up, down).
I'm a mathematician as much as I am a writer, and I usually do not have trouble giving the benefit of the doubt. I do not doubt that Time Lords were able to harness the power of a collapsing star's potential energy or even that they are able to put an entire star inside a room. But inside every TARDIS ever grown? How could the Daleks ever compete?
It's upsetting.
Moving on.
Other questions: If the star is powering the TARDIS, then why does it still need rift energy? Did the Doctor upgrade the TARDIS to full-on star power since the last rift fill-up? I'm OK with the idea that being in a pocket universe would drain all of the energy of the Eye of Harmony, but that one time that the TARDIS actually was completely drained, how did they get it running again? Did he have to go find a new star? Is hanging out on top of the rift for 2 days or so really as much power as the entirety of the potential energy of a collapsing star? And if so, why didn't they just put a rift inside the TARDIS?
Clara finds out the Doctor's true name and the universe didn't explode. What an anticlimax. Which is pretty much what it will be when (do I daresay "if") we find out. I don't want to know the Doctor's name. I cannot imagine it ever being something I would ever want to know. Telling us the Doctor's name is akin to putting question marks on the Doctor's clothing — i.e. the series forgetting that we don't watch Doctor Who for the eponymous mystery, but rather for the amazing characters going on amazing adventures.
I am really starting to like Clara's character (not up to Donna levels yet, but approaching Jack Harkness heights), and it's more annoying than ever that the Doctor is a dick to her. Every time her past incarnations did appear, she was really super nice and helpful, so maybe not be such a dick, yeah?
That's enough for one night. What were your thoughts?
Doctor Who Series 7 Episode 11: Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS — Spoiler-free Review and Spoiler-ful Reflection
(Note: "Spoiler-free" refers to not giving away any major reveals of the episode, and usually not more than what is found in the teaser for next week. May contain spoilers of past weeks. Please avoid reading the comments for spoilers and more discussion on the episode).
We pick up Doctor Who again this week after last week's amazing "Hide" (review here). Whereas it would be hard to beat last week's episode (which I proclaimed one of the best, and probably easily the best one-off, episodes in the last three series), I remained hopeful about a journey to the center (sorry, I'm American, not British. We say "center", not "centre") of the TARDIS.
You can watch Series 7 by clicking on the picture below ($1.99 per episode). Depending on when you access it, they should have Episode 11 posted (they've been pretty good about getting them up the next day):
"Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS" features a lot more of the Doctor trying to get Clara and the TARDIS to like each other, which sets up the inevitable crash with Clara missing inside the TARDIS and the Doctor forced to rely on some passing scavengers of less than reputable morals to search for her within the TARDIS.
There's monsters about too, which tend to cause some drama. In fact, in terms of scariness, I'd say these monsters are more horrific than last week's. The director again uses camera blur to prevent us from getting a good look at the monsters for a bit (although they were shown in the trailer for the episode, because of the camera blur, they look like a few different Doctor Who monsters so I won't spoil it by naming them).
The TARDIS is regularly impressive, although I was sick of TARDIS corridors way back in "The Doctor's Wife", and they haven't improved since. I only hope that the TARDIS corridors when David Tennant was Doctor were a little more organic.
Just like last week, the TARDIS again reveals itself as a bona fide entity with feelings and not just a ship (one wonders why it argued so much back in "Let's Kill Hitler"). There are some nods to the past for long-time fans with ghost voices of series gone by amongst a handful of other things.
All-in-all, a solid episode worthy of the name Doctor Who.
Zero's Review: B 8.5/10
Warning: Spoilers Ahead Reflection:
This episode was interesting for a few reasons. First, with the TARDIS blowing up, the Doctor is right there wondering about Clara's identity instead of trying to fix his precious ship. Also, if Clara is some sort of sleeper agent, it's possible she still knows his name (bear with me) by uploading her lost timeline consciousness to the "cloud".
The Doctor has some pretty bad luck with lowering the shields on the TARDIS. The last time I remember him doing that, the Titanic crashed into it! (You can see it at the 7:25 mark in the video below, if you've never watched "Time Crash", it shows the Tenth Doctor meeting the Fifth Doctor back at the end of Series 3, pretty good for Whovians).
And actually, this episode ended remarkably like "Time Crash" did! A Doctor from the future fixing everything. That's a little rubbish! Recycling much?!
The lava humans were a nice monster (a little worse here than in Silent Hill), but the scene with them in the fuel room was a little extra paradox-y. If the creatures hadn't been there, they wouldn't have been in danger of burning up there, and if they weren't in danger of burning up, then the creatures would have never been made. That's a paradox I have a hard time getting behind, personally. I also didn't quite follow the "time line asserting itself" by making the past brothers into the future brothers (which shouldn't have existed at all), but that's a little easier to let go.
The Eye of Harmony shows up for the second episode in a row, you don't think they're leading us into something, do you? This might have been what they were leading us to. It was nice to see the Eye of Harmony finally though. I'd always heard that the TARDIS version was a mathematical copy of the original, but no, there was full-on star inside the TARDIS in this episode. Is this the true form of the cloister bell room? Would it have been safe and relaxing in there if the TARDIS hadn't been exploding?
At one point in the TARDIS's history, it was not "bigger on the inside". In fact, it had made it's outsides just as big as it's insides. At that point, it was at least as large as a planet. Today, we learn that the TARDIS is INFINITE (not an acronym, just capital due to my incredulity). If not infinite, at least as large as a star! I did not need to be more impressed with the size of the TARDIS at this or any other time in the history of my enthusiasm for the show. I mean, I guess I'm OK with it (that's an acronym that means "all correct"), but it kinda' is completely insane. I thought showing the library and Clara's comment were quite fitting and a good way to end the "it's bigger on the inside" theme, showing a star in a room is quite another thing. Especially, when that is a star permanently frozen before collapsing into a black hole.
Here's a little astronomy for you. What kind of star collapses into a black hole? Give up? A red supergiant. Now, there's a reason why these kind of stars are called "supergiant". Imagine the distance from Earth to Mars. Wait, you can't? Here's a helpful link: http://www.distancetomars.com. Now, that's the distance from Earth to Mars.
A red supergiant would extend over ten times farther than you just traveled with that website. That's just the radius. That's about 82000 EARTHS in one direction. That room with the Eye of Harmony could easily hold half a million PLANETS the size of Earth (and probably easily a million planets since I'm really just multiplying for the 6 directions (front, right, left, back, up, down).
I'm a mathematician as much as I am a writer, and I usually do not have trouble giving the benefit of the doubt. I do not doubt that Time Lords were able to harness the power of a collapsing star's potential energy or even that they are able to put an entire star inside a room. But inside every TARDIS ever grown? How could the Daleks ever compete?
It's upsetting.
Moving on.
Other questions: If the star is powering the TARDIS, then why does it still need rift energy? Did the Doctor upgrade the TARDIS to full-on star power since the last rift fill-up? I'm OK with the idea that being in a pocket universe would drain all of the energy of the Eye of Harmony, but that one time that the TARDIS actually was completely drained, how did they get it running again? Did he have to go find a new star? Is hanging out on top of the rift for 2 days or so really as much power as the entirety of the potential energy of a collapsing star? And if so, why didn't they just put a rift inside the TARDIS?
Clara finds out the Doctor's true name and the universe didn't explode. What an anticlimax. Which is pretty much what it will be when (do I daresay "if") we find out. I don't want to know the Doctor's name. I cannot imagine it ever being something I would ever want to know. Telling us the Doctor's name is akin to putting question marks on the Doctor's clothing — i.e. the series forgetting that we don't watch Doctor Who for the eponymous mystery, but rather for the amazing characters going on amazing adventures.
I am really starting to like Clara's character (not up to Donna levels yet, but approaching Jack Harkness heights), and it's more annoying than ever that the Doctor is a dick to her. Every time her past incarnations did appear, she was really super nice and helpful, so maybe not be such a dick, yeah?
That's enough for one night. What were your thoughts?
We pick up Doctor Who again this week after last week's amazing "Hide" (review here). Whereas it would be hard to beat last week's episode (which I proclaimed one of the best, and probably easily the best one-off, episodes in the last three series), I remained hopeful about a journey to the center (sorry, I'm American, not British. We say "center", not "centre") of the TARDIS.
You can watch Series 7 by clicking on the picture below ($1.99 per episode). Depending on when you access it, they should have Episode 11 posted (they've been pretty good about getting them up the next day):
"Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS" features a lot more of the Doctor trying to get Clara and the TARDIS to like each other, which sets up the inevitable crash with Clara missing inside the TARDIS and the Doctor forced to rely on some passing scavengers of less than reputable morals to search for her within the TARDIS.
There's monsters about too, which tend to cause some drama. In fact, in terms of scariness, I'd say these monsters are more horrific than last week's. The director again uses camera blur to prevent us from getting a good look at the monsters for a bit (although they were shown in the trailer for the episode, because of the camera blur, they look like a few different Doctor Who monsters so I won't spoil it by naming them).
The TARDIS is regularly impressive, although I was sick of TARDIS corridors way back in "The Doctor's Wife", and they haven't improved since. I only hope that the TARDIS corridors when David Tennant was Doctor were a little more organic.
Just like last week, the TARDIS again reveals itself as a bona fide entity with feelings and not just a ship (one wonders why it argued so much back in "Let's Kill Hitler"). There are some nods to the past for long-time fans with ghost voices of series gone by amongst a handful of other things.
All-in-all, a solid episode worthy of the name Doctor Who.
Zero's Review: B 8.5/10
Warning: Spoilers Ahead Reflection:
This episode was interesting for a few reasons. First, with the TARDIS blowing up, the Doctor is right there wondering about Clara's identity instead of trying to fix his precious ship. Also, if Clara is some sort of sleeper agent, it's possible she still knows his name (bear with me) by uploading her lost timeline consciousness to the "cloud".
The Doctor has some pretty bad luck with lowering the shields on the TARDIS. The last time I remember him doing that, the Titanic crashed into it! (You can see it at the 7:25 mark in the video below, if you've never watched "Time Crash", it shows the Tenth Doctor meeting the Fifth Doctor back at the end of Series 3, pretty good for Whovians).
And actually, this episode ended remarkably like "Time Crash" did! A Doctor from the future fixing everything. That's a little rubbish! Recycling much?!
The lava humans were a nice monster (a little worse here than in Silent Hill), but the scene with them in the fuel room was a little extra paradox-y. If the creatures hadn't been there, they wouldn't have been in danger of burning up there, and if they weren't in danger of burning up, then the creatures would have never been made. That's a paradox I have a hard time getting behind, personally. I also didn't quite follow the "time line asserting itself" by making the past brothers into the future brothers (which shouldn't have existed at all), but that's a little easier to let go.
The Eye of Harmony shows up for the second episode in a row, you don't think they're leading us into something, do you? This might have been what they were leading us to. It was nice to see the Eye of Harmony finally though. I'd always heard that the TARDIS version was a mathematical copy of the original, but no, there was full-on star inside the TARDIS in this episode. Is this the true form of the cloister bell room? Would it have been safe and relaxing in there if the TARDIS hadn't been exploding?
At one point in the TARDIS's history, it was not "bigger on the inside". In fact, it had made it's outsides just as big as it's insides. At that point, it was at least as large as a planet. Today, we learn that the TARDIS is INFINITE (not an acronym, just capital due to my incredulity). If not infinite, at least as large as a star! I did not need to be more impressed with the size of the TARDIS at this or any other time in the history of my enthusiasm for the show. I mean, I guess I'm OK with it (that's an acronym that means "all correct"), but it kinda' is completely insane. I thought showing the library and Clara's comment were quite fitting and a good way to end the "it's bigger on the inside" theme, showing a star in a room is quite another thing. Especially, when that is a star permanently frozen before collapsing into a black hole.
Here's a little astronomy for you. What kind of star collapses into a black hole? Give up? A red supergiant. Now, there's a reason why these kind of stars are called "supergiant". Imagine the distance from Earth to Mars. Wait, you can't? Here's a helpful link: http://www.distancetomars.com. Now, that's the distance from Earth to Mars.
A red supergiant would extend over ten times farther than you just traveled with that website. That's just the radius. That's about 82000 EARTHS in one direction. That room with the Eye of Harmony could easily hold half a million PLANETS the size of Earth (and probably easily a million planets since I'm really just multiplying for the 6 directions (front, right, left, back, up, down).
I'm a mathematician as much as I am a writer, and I usually do not have trouble giving the benefit of the doubt. I do not doubt that Time Lords were able to harness the power of a collapsing star's potential energy or even that they are able to put an entire star inside a room. But inside every TARDIS ever grown? How could the Daleks ever compete?
It's upsetting.
Moving on.
Other questions: If the star is powering the TARDIS, then why does it still need rift energy? Did the Doctor upgrade the TARDIS to full-on star power since the last rift fill-up? I'm OK with the idea that being in a pocket universe would drain all of the energy of the Eye of Harmony, but that one time that the TARDIS actually was completely drained, how did they get it running again? Did he have to go find a new star? Is hanging out on top of the rift for 2 days or so really as much power as the entirety of the potential energy of a collapsing star? And if so, why didn't they just put a rift inside the TARDIS?
Clara finds out the Doctor's true name and the universe didn't explode. What an anticlimax. Which is pretty much what it will be when (do I daresay "if") we find out. I don't want to know the Doctor's name. I cannot imagine it ever being something I would ever want to know. Telling us the Doctor's name is akin to putting question marks on the Doctor's clothing — i.e. the series forgetting that we don't watch Doctor Who for the eponymous mystery, but rather for the amazing characters going on amazing adventures.
I am really starting to like Clara's character (not up to Donna levels yet, but approaching Jack Harkness heights), and it's more annoying than ever that the Doctor is a dick to her. Every time her past incarnations did appear, she was really super nice and helpful, so maybe not be such a dick, yeah?
That's enough for one night. What were your thoughts?
April 24, 2013
How My Dad Saves Energy
An energy saving blog post today, since it's the time of year where I find myself fighting to spread awareness of a super-easy way to save on energy bills and simultaneously make your house/apartment more bearable temperature-wise.
This doesn't always work (for instance, when it stays unbearably hot throughout the night), but just by following these easy steps you'll regularly find that you do not have to turn on air conditioning until late in the day. Obviously, better insulation is a factor and can influence your particular case.
I'm speaking, of course, of opening your windows.
You know, those things that let in the air from outside. You may be crying foul now, but wait until I've laid out the entire plan.
When it is colder outside than inside, open your windows (and preferably provide some sort of air circulation, a box fan pointing out of one window works pretty effectively) and leave them open for as much coolness as you can stand.
By doing this, you can usually get your house down to the 60s (and you should probably stop if it gets any colder than that, you don't want to freeze!), and it will usually be later in the night when it is cooler too, meaning that you will have a nice cool sleeping environment.
Now, and here is the most common pitfall, you have to shut your windows again before it gets hotter outside than inside. I don't care if it's "nice" outside or if you want to get some fresh air or whatever (go outside if you want fresh air!), but as soon as the temperature outside increases above what you have the inside temperature at (which is usually relatively early in the morning in the summer), shut all of the windows. Don't Wait!
No seriously, don't wait!
If you wait, then inside your house will be the same stifling temperature it is outside, and you're much more likely to turn on the air conditioning earlier. However, if you shut your windows the second the outside temperature increases above the inside temperature (so if you're following these directions and we're assuming normal conditions, 60s-ish), then your house's insulation will help trap the cold in and keep the heat out. Resulting in comfortable conditions for several hours longer.
If you're the type with a job you have to wake up and go to every morning, then make shutting your windows part of your morning routine. If you work nights, shut the windows before you go to bed.
For some reason there's some sort of switch in our brains that makes us think the windows should be open in the summer, but if it's hotter outside, then the windows need to be shut. It's really as simple as that.
Also, if the sun is beaming in through the windows, consider shutting the curtains to help block the sun's heat.
If you can keep the air conditioners off for just a couple of hours more each day, you're talking about hundreds of dollars saved by the end of the year. Every little bit helps!
Happy Belated Earth Day!
Do you have energy saving tips you'd like to share?
This doesn't always work (for instance, when it stays unbearably hot throughout the night), but just by following these easy steps you'll regularly find that you do not have to turn on air conditioning until late in the day. Obviously, better insulation is a factor and can influence your particular case.
I'm speaking, of course, of opening your windows.
You know, those things that let in the air from outside. You may be crying foul now, but wait until I've laid out the entire plan.
When it is colder outside than inside, open your windows (and preferably provide some sort of air circulation, a box fan pointing out of one window works pretty effectively) and leave them open for as much coolness as you can stand.
By doing this, you can usually get your house down to the 60s (and you should probably stop if it gets any colder than that, you don't want to freeze!), and it will usually be later in the night when it is cooler too, meaning that you will have a nice cool sleeping environment.
Now, and here is the most common pitfall, you have to shut your windows again before it gets hotter outside than inside. I don't care if it's "nice" outside or if you want to get some fresh air or whatever (go outside if you want fresh air!), but as soon as the temperature outside increases above what you have the inside temperature at (which is usually relatively early in the morning in the summer), shut all of the windows. Don't Wait!
No seriously, don't wait!
If you wait, then inside your house will be the same stifling temperature it is outside, and you're much more likely to turn on the air conditioning earlier. However, if you shut your windows the second the outside temperature increases above the inside temperature (so if you're following these directions and we're assuming normal conditions, 60s-ish), then your house's insulation will help trap the cold in and keep the heat out. Resulting in comfortable conditions for several hours longer.
If you're the type with a job you have to wake up and go to every morning, then make shutting your windows part of your morning routine. If you work nights, shut the windows before you go to bed.
For some reason there's some sort of switch in our brains that makes us think the windows should be open in the summer, but if it's hotter outside, then the windows need to be shut. It's really as simple as that.
Also, if the sun is beaming in through the windows, consider shutting the curtains to help block the sun's heat.
If you can keep the air conditioners off for just a couple of hours more each day, you're talking about hundreds of dollars saved by the end of the year. Every little bit helps!
Happy Belated Earth Day!
Do you have energy saving tips you'd like to share?
April 23, 2013
Defiance Season 1 Episode 2: Down in the Ground Where the Dead Men Go
Defiance seems to have achieved what they're shooting for. A nice "classic" western sci-fi that plays out like a good tabletop RPG. Here's the Amazon link to Season 1 if you'd like to stream it:
This week there was a good caving adventure (I refuse to say, "spelunking", as this is what novice cavers call it), and we're treated to some nice destroyed Earth scenery and even some well-written character development (as well as some hit-you-over-the-head character development). There's also a nice doing-what's-right-vs-tradition storyline with a somewhat predictable ending, although still done well.
There's something to be said about watching masters of the craft do a show completely right, but it sure feels like it's missing a spark of some sort.
That's why I said this show is a "classic" sci-fi western. They got the feel that I assume they're shooting for and they're going with it. It works well for what I imagine its intended audience is: people that are familiar with tabletop RPGs, sci-fi and video games. I don't have a problem seeing this play out on the screen, and in fact, I am quite enjoying seeing it, but I keep hoping they're going to floor me in the way that Doctor Who or Battlestar Galactica does. I also imagine that they're hoping to snare more than just the usual suspects.
Still, not having some great spark doesn't mean they haven't gotten the formula right. It seems they are delivering on all accounts.
The thing that will stick with me the most in this particular episode is the white alien girl's scene with the miner's daughter. Her casual relation of how she ended up with her husband, the entire time while smiling her ass off, was one of the creepiest things I've ever seen. It's a big smile. It's a smile that conveys absolute glee. Creeeeeeepy. (if it's not clear, creepy's a good thing).
("Stahma Tarr" is the "white alien girl", but I didn't know that without looking it up. And although I can butcher a pronunciation of their race, I don't know what it is again without looking it up: "Castithan". One thing I always hate in sci-fi are the names. I always just remember them as "that one guy" or "that one girl" and "those things with the things". The miner's daughter is "Christie McCawley". Again, I'm rubbish with names in big casts, but especially sci-fi.)
Near the end I was surprised to hear a cover of Nirvana's "Come As You Are". I didn't hear Kurt Cobain rolling in his grave or anything, but I did hear the collective gasp of thousands of 80s children who thought Nirvana songs were sacrosanct. Here's a Youtube video if yins would like to decide for yourself (it was used well in the episode I thought):
A little rambly with this review tonight and I apologize, but I've never had so many mixed feelings about an episode. Defiance did what I was hoping they would do in making the second episode better than the first. If they can do that one more time, I think they'll be sticking around (although Stargate Galaxy was great and they canned that. One bad thing about having big hype is the increased budget means increased expectations), or at least I will be sticking around if they can do it one more time.
I went back and forth between A- and A, but decided to give it an A-. It's doing everything right, but it's not reaching for anything. A- is fantastic by the way. Some of my favorite shows regularly skate by with Bs and Cs (I'm looking at you, Castle).
Zero's Review: A- 9.0/10
This week there was a good caving adventure (I refuse to say, "spelunking", as this is what novice cavers call it), and we're treated to some nice destroyed Earth scenery and even some well-written character development (as well as some hit-you-over-the-head character development). There's also a nice doing-what's-right-vs-tradition storyline with a somewhat predictable ending, although still done well.
There's something to be said about watching masters of the craft do a show completely right, but it sure feels like it's missing a spark of some sort.
That's why I said this show is a "classic" sci-fi western. They got the feel that I assume they're shooting for and they're going with it. It works well for what I imagine its intended audience is: people that are familiar with tabletop RPGs, sci-fi and video games. I don't have a problem seeing this play out on the screen, and in fact, I am quite enjoying seeing it, but I keep hoping they're going to floor me in the way that Doctor Who or Battlestar Galactica does. I also imagine that they're hoping to snare more than just the usual suspects.
Still, not having some great spark doesn't mean they haven't gotten the formula right. It seems they are delivering on all accounts.
The thing that will stick with me the most in this particular episode is the white alien girl's scene with the miner's daughter. Her casual relation of how she ended up with her husband, the entire time while smiling her ass off, was one of the creepiest things I've ever seen. It's a big smile. It's a smile that conveys absolute glee. Creeeeeeepy. (if it's not clear, creepy's a good thing).
("Stahma Tarr" is the "white alien girl", but I didn't know that without looking it up. And although I can butcher a pronunciation of their race, I don't know what it is again without looking it up: "Castithan". One thing I always hate in sci-fi are the names. I always just remember them as "that one guy" or "that one girl" and "those things with the things". The miner's daughter is "Christie McCawley". Again, I'm rubbish with names in big casts, but especially sci-fi.)
Near the end I was surprised to hear a cover of Nirvana's "Come As You Are". I didn't hear Kurt Cobain rolling in his grave or anything, but I did hear the collective gasp of thousands of 80s children who thought Nirvana songs were sacrosanct. Here's a Youtube video if yins would like to decide for yourself (it was used well in the episode I thought):
A little rambly with this review tonight and I apologize, but I've never had so many mixed feelings about an episode. Defiance did what I was hoping they would do in making the second episode better than the first. If they can do that one more time, I think they'll be sticking around (although Stargate Galaxy was great and they canned that. One bad thing about having big hype is the increased budget means increased expectations), or at least I will be sticking around if they can do it one more time.
I went back and forth between A- and A, but decided to give it an A-. It's doing everything right, but it's not reaching for anything. A- is fantastic by the way. Some of my favorite shows regularly skate by with Bs and Cs (I'm looking at you, Castle).
Zero's Review: A- 9.0/10
April 22, 2013
Current Projects and Upcoming Publications
It's been two months since any releases and some of you may be wondering what's been in the works. I have been working hard on several new stories and yes, more math sections as well. Here's the plan for the next month or so, along with any comments about each project.
"The Warrior's Way"
A novella exploring how the hume god known as the Warrior feels about being left out from the War of the Ages, and what she does once she finds out. If you thought The Throne of Ao didn't have enough over-the-top action in it, then wait until you see battles between the hume gods and the demons of the Nether Realms.
This is a sort-of "prequel" story to The Throne of Ao, and provides insight into some of the background and at least one character introduced in The Throne of Ao that will be featured in Book 2. It's been delayed twice now as I fine-tune it more and more. I'm dedicated to releasing only the best quality material, so please know that any delays are due to wanting to release the best. I am hopeful of having it done and shipped in the next few weeks (Kindle exclusive for 3 months for $2.99).
Zero Angel's Mathematics #2: "Algebra" (Working Title)
The third release in ZAM (after #0 and #1) focuses on algebra and algorithms and what it all means and is used for. Algebra is really where a lot of teachers drop the ball of mathematics and is where we lose the most would-be mathematicians or math-enthusiasts. Working from understanding concepts and ideas instead of rote memorization of rules, it is planned for students to be able to understand algebra in ways they may never have before.
The math sections have been a pain in the rear end to write and format, and I'm sorry to say they're only available on Kindle as other formats are too bulky to fight with. It's possible an epub edition may be released eventually, but there are no plans for it. Originally, I gave myself until June to finish #2, but I am optimistic about releasing it in May for $2.99.
Zero Angel's Mathematics Collection #1 — Understanding Mathematics (Contains Sections 0 - 3 of ZAM)
I have been shopping around the print rights of a collection to some literary agents (if you're a literary agent or know someone who you think might be interested, please let me know). If it doesn't work out, then I will release a print-on-demand edition of the collection along with a Kindle edition. The Kindle version may include #4 depending on length of #2 and #3, and will be $1 or two cheaper than if you bought each section separately. The print edition will be more due to the size and nature of it (300-500 page book with equations and diagrams throughout).
The Kindle collection will be put together at the conclusion of #3 (or #4), so will not be sooner than August, but I am shooting for an August release to coincide with the beginning of school across the country.
Websites
I've been revamping the Apocalypse Designs website to be more earnest and complete, and have finally started working on the WotA Wiki again (thanks in no small part to the interest shown in my Making Undead blogs). Check back frequently to see the changes as they occur! There's no deadline for these, and the WotA Wiki will no doubt continue to expand as long as I can continue to write for the rest of my life.
Making Undead and World-Building
Speaking of Making Undead, there has been some interest in more formalized techniques and a "how-to" book, for now, I'm content to continue the series of posts in my blog (still taking requests on what race you would like to see next) and will continue to do so for quite a while. I'll also post new creatures and finished creatures as they're created with talks about what went into making them. This isn't a "new" focus of the blog, but it's something I've had feedback on that I enjoy sharing, so it's definitely taking a larger role in the blog. I also am not opposed to a collected ebook once we build up the backlog.
Visual Novels: "Change of the Zombie" and "The Haunted House" (tentative title)
I've been developing beta versions of visual novels for my "Change of the Zombie" story and an original story exclusive to the format called "The Haunted House". I say "beta" versions not because they'll be buggy, but because there is no money to put into commissioning art for them. I'll do all of the original artwork in black and white pen to release to the world and start Kickstarters to hopefully fund through donations a final version with artists that know what the heck they're doing around a computer. The final visual novel versions will have the option to play through with either the original art or the new art and be playable on PC (and if stretch goals are met, Android).
For those of you that don't know, visual novels are to the 2000s what choose-your-own-adventure books were to the 80s/90s. They're "novels" that you "play". I'm hoping to have the beta of "Change" out by August, with the beta of "House" out by Christmas (ideally, Halloween!).
Serials: "Of Faeries and Demons" and "Cross Adventures" (tentative title)
I've been working on a few different serials. "Of Faeries and Demons" takes place in the WotA-verse and is a series of standalone shorts where each story has a different monster of the month. I've already written two or three of these, but I want to finalize them and have more to offer so I can easily release them on at least a monthly basis. I'm hoping to release the first in June, which will feature WotA gremlins (a demon that uses technology to cross the Aegis of the multiverse) as the monster of the month, followed with July's release featuring Wisps (a faerie that tricks you into chasing it or distracts you while you're driving).
In "Cross Adventures", although they are standalone adventures, they are urban fantasy set in the WotA-verse version of a near future for us and follow a Guardian of the Seal, Vera Cross. The first adventure will be a two-parter released December-January of this year, with hopefully monthly installments after. These stories are more novellas than shorts (novellettes probably). Each entry will be $0.99-$1.99
WotA Prequels and Transitions
I have been working on several shorts to show you what different characters (both major and minor) were up to leading into Book 1 — The Throne of Ao, and I've also been doing a few for the loyal fans of Book 1 to lead into Book 2. There should be at least 3 prequels published by July featuring characters of Book 1 (not counting "The Warrior's Way" which does not feature any characters of Book 1). I am also planning one or two "non-spoiler" transition stories which feature new characters making their appearance in Book 2. Some of the transition stories will be out by August. As long as these stay in the short-story range, they will be offered for $0.99. I want to avoid the $2.99 price point for anything shorter than a novella.
Outside the WotA-verse original speculative fiction
I have been writing one original speculative fiction story, tentatively titled "The Forest", which I am really quite fond of. I cannot imagine it taking much longer than May to release, although it is varying in different drafts between a short story and a novellette. I would like to donate some of the proceeds for this one to charity if it turns out the way I want it to.
Other non-WotA fiction is a children's novel I'd like to release in November. I'm keeping the title and plot under wraps for now, and it will be released without the "Zero Angel" penname so children don't stumble upon my more mature fare.
War of the Ages: Book 2: The Towers of Aeruen and Book 3
I've been working on Book 2 quite a lot and am planning on having gone through a few revisions of it by the end of 2013. After getting editors and cover artists involved, I'm hoping to release Book 2 in 2014. With the nature of WotA, I've been writing further along in the timeline as well, and I already have a nice amount of material for Book 3, so after the release of Book 2, I would like to continue releasing entries in the main series of War of the Ages every year-and-a-half.
Well, that's what I've been up to lately. Here's a summary with deadlines I am shooting for (but not official release dates):
Schedule
May '13: WotA: "The Warrior's Way"
May '13: "Zero Angel's Mathematics #2"
May '13: "Zero Angel's The Forest"
Jun '13: Of Faeries and Demons: "Gremlins"
Jul '13: Of Faeries and Demons: "Wisps"
Jul '13: 3 WotA Prequels
Aug '13: "Zero Angel's Mathematics #3"
Aug '13: "Zero Angel's Mathematics Collection #1" (continuing yearly)
Aug '13: 2 WotA Transitions
Aug '13: Of Faeries and Demons #3
Aug '13: "Zero Angel's Change of the Zombie Visual Novel Edition"
Sep '13: Of Faeries and Demons #4
Sep '13: Zero Angel's Mathematics #4
Oct '13: Of Faeries and Demons #5
Nov '13: Untitled Children's Novel
Nov '13: "Zero Angel's The Haunted House Visual Novel"
Nov '13: Of Faeries and Demons #6
Dec '13: Cross Adventures: "A Cross at the End of Days"
Dec '13: Of Faeries and Demons #7
Dec '13: Zero Angel's Mathematics #5 (continuing quarterly)
Jan '14: Cross Adventures: "Untitled" (continuing monthly)
Jan '14: Of Faeries and Demons #8 (continuing monthly)
2014 Early Third Quarter: Book 2: The Towers of Aeruen
2015 Late Fourth Quarter: Book 3 (continuing every ~18 months)
That's the plan anyway. Thanks for reading!
April 21, 2013
Making Undead #4: Aviadins via Physical Corruption
Today I'll be focusing on the craven aviadins as subjects for Making Undead.
Aviadins are a unique race to WotA, but similar to other fantasy birdmen races in form such as the aarakocra of D&D and Arakkoa of WoW. Where they differ is how they fit into the world of WotA (and also the fact that they can't do much more than a controlled slowfall, whereas most birdmen are able to fly to some extent).
After the Seal of the Archmagi was broken, the ancient saurian citadels returned to the Realm of Ao. The long dormant magicks seized upon the closest relatives to the saurians still alive, a variety of species of birds, and attempted to imbue them with the forgotten power of their proud race.The aviadins were the result.
Fossilized Aviadins
Let's start with a fossilized aviadin. The fossilized remains of the saurians are one of the great power sources for aviadins, so it makes sense that avish shamans grasping for more power might ritualistically fossilize their bones to try to impart more saurian magick into their bodies. This is accomplished through a variety of horrific methods, but in order to avoid mindlessness must be done while the shaman is still alive. If the aviadin is killed or dies before the procedure, they become a lost fossil.
The newly dead shaman (or rapidly dying) then has fossils of power pressed against what flesh of theirs remains or placed directly against exposed bones. The cadaver is then placed into a specially prepared chamber (generally unique to each that wishes to rise; if a chamber is shared, it may result in a jealous fossil) designed to encourage the rise of undead energy and facilitate the merging of ancient and new fossil (if the new or old fossils reject each other, then a rejected fossil occurs).
Finally, after at least several days, and usually several weeks, the fossilized aviadin rises newly empowered and returns to its former life. Fossilized aviadins are generally slower and less agile than living aviadins, but their flesh (if it remains) and bones become as hard as stone and they have significantly more magick than the average shaman. They are recharged when sleeping in their specially prepared chambers (which require saurian fossils built into the walls), and can come back from catastrophic injury/damage if they are able to return to the chamber (or are brought to it). The worse off they are, the longer it takes for them to recover, and super-injuries may cause permanent weakening (until they are further empowered). To guarantee permanent death of a fossilized aviadin, its special chamber must be destroyed and whatever fossils existing there or in the bones of the fossilized aviadin must be properly lain to rest or destroyed.
A lost fossil is one where the avish spirit has been disconnected from the body. The lost fossils wander the hallways of ancient saurian citadels and new avish temples, seemingly without purpose. It has been shown that they respond to stimulus and will defend themselves, but most aviadins rarely even acknowledge their existence. There is even the absurd hypothesis that the lost fossils have acquired ancient saurian spirits and that these have some sort of agenda they have been slowly working on. Although lost fossils usually do not reuse their original chambers, the fossils of those chambers slowly disappear and the different lost fossils of a citadel will be known to congregate together mindlessly.
A jealous fossil can be created for a variety of reasons, but frequently is motivated from desperation. If a shaman lies dying before its own chamber is prepared, then one who loves the deceased may rush forward to use a chamber promised to another (or even its own), or the one who is dying may break into the chamber and use it for its own purposes. Eventually, and sometimes immediately, the sense of bliss upon being recharged from a shared chamber lessens and goes away. Additionally, benefits of the fossils used in the creation of the chamber/fossilized aviadin may lessen or be shared between them even if they haven't used the chamber.
There is a well-adjusted fossil where a special chamber is successfully shared between two fossilized aviadins. In these cases, their powers are complemented and empowered instead of lessened.
A lost jealous fossil are an unfortunate common side effect of trying to grant the fossilized aviadin status to one already dead. In these cases, the original fossilized aviadin may find themselves stripped of their powers altogether or their special chamber returned to its base state with no power remaining to continue to recharge the fossilized aviadin.
A rejected fossil has many of the characteristics of fossilized aviadins, but the saurian and avish components of the creature are constantly jarring against each other and causing great explosions of pure magick. These are more likely when the shaman is not powerful enough to absorb the energies of the saurian fossils it would like to. The creation of a fossilized aviadin requires a fine balancing act between the old energies and the new until the undead monster adapts and expands its powers. If the saurian fossils far outstrip the powers of the shaman, then they eventually destroy the avish consciousness and become a lost fossil. Rarely, the aviadin is able to regain control and becomes a true fossilized aviadin, but these pitiable creatures are both ostracized by successful fossilized aviadins and usually grow to fear becoming more powerful in case of another rejection event. Finally, those rejected fossils that remain in the rejection state are driven mad and begin attacking others on sight. Their explosions are uncontrollable at first, but the dual consciousnesses may reach an accord mentally even as they struggle against one another physically, or one learns how to manipulate the other into being able to create the explosions at will.
An ascended fossil is a fossilized aviadin that has succeeded at unlocking the mysteries of saurian magicks and power and is able to utilize the powerful elemental magicks of the ancient saurians as well as the shamanistic magicks of the aviadins. These creatures usually manage lesser fossilized aviadins, controlling who has access to the ritual as well as their large-scale plans. An ascended fossil may work alone in a dictatorship over the other fossilized aviadins or a group of them may control in an oligarchy.
A little on the culture of aviadins. Aviadins build their entire race up as living gods, to which the shamans are the gods of the gods. Still, much of the everyday decisions of avish communities are decided by powerful or influential members of the lesser castes, where the shamans only interfere to get the aviadins to do something that would be beneficial to them. Otherwise, the shamans usually keep to their own devices in the retrofitted saurian citadels they call home. Similarly, fossilized aviadins have the same type of relationship to the shamans, and stay in the lower, subterranean floors (or upper floors for many-story citadels) and only interfere with shamans to guide one into becoming a new fossilized aviadin or to acquire something they want. Finally, ascended fossils control the fossilized aviadins when it suits them, and have their claws into many aspects of everyday life. Base-level aviadins and even shamans and new fossilized aviadins are frequently unaware of the existence of the ascended fossils.
Speaking of fossils, is this as cool as it looks? Stumbled on it while looking up dinosaur bones.
Imagining an aviadin that wants to fly like a bird prompted me to create the flightless:
Flightless
These rare avish undead want nothing more than to fly through the air. Overcome with the desire to feel the wind in their wings, they run and jump futilely until able to jump off cliffs, flapping arms that frequently have decayed to the point they are even unable to glide or slow their fall. Crashing below, they are left a mess of decayed flesh and bones. If not eaten by wandering monsters (symbiotic undead: flightless stomach), then they continue to try to raise up off the ground, lurching upwards as their destroyed bodies prevent movement. Eventually, the energy of undeath will reconstitute their bodies to the point that they try to jump and fly in place before repeating their previous folly. Even more eventually, flightless tend to congregate in the lowest point of a region, unable to escape and constantly jostling to try to raise up off the ground (possibly turning into a flock of flightless).
A flightless stomach is the result of either very stupid creatures or those with an indomitable stomach eating on the remains of a helpless flightless. Sometimes, the creature will pass the undead monster with no significant complications, but frequently the undead energy spreads throughout the animal from the stomach until the animal dies and both it and the original flightless in its stomach are fused into one unholy abomination. If the animal possesses wings, then the creature may become a flying flightless.
If the animal does not possess wings, then it becomes dangerous (most flightless aren't) to those around it. Enraged by its grounded nature, the animal stampedes about, savaging any and all life in the region. Especially despicable to it are winged creatures, which the outer animal always eats to transfer the body to the inner flightless. Very difficult to kill, the flightless stomach will remain "alive" even if the animal body receives what appear to be mortal wounds. The only way to put down the thing for good is to destroy the flightless within. These monsters frequently synergize to the point they acquire an inner mouth, although the original flightless creature remains firmly ensconced in the beast's belly.
The creature eventually begins to resemble a horror show amalgamation of bird and the original type. Its claws may begin to resemble talons or grow additional ones, and great bird wings with claws will sprout from its back. However, because of the aerodynamics of the beast, these wings are rarely able to achieve flight. Instead, the monster uses them in battle to become more and more powerful. If it does possess wings, then it may transition to the personality of a flying flightless over the years, although this is a rare occurrence.
A flying flightless is a very happy sort of undead. Being an amalgamation between a flying animal and a flightless, the creature takes to soaring for days at a time, always filled with a euphoria that leaves it relatively defenseless. Occasionally, the decay caused by undeath will cause the creature to lose its flying ability, becoming a fallen flying flightless, and more commonly, larger flying creatures will eat the unsuspecting flying flightless, repeating the process again and again, becoming a matryoshka flying flightless.
A fallen flying flightless is much more cunning and dangerous than a normal flightless stomach. The time spent soaring through the air has tuned its mental faculties and the creature may even reach levels of intelligence the aviadin had in life. These creatures begin to have "normal" desires and wishes, implementing plans and stratagems in order to acquire what they desire. They will frequently continue with the goal of trying to fly again, but it is not an all-consuming one, and even if successful in becoming a risen fallen flying flightless (should I just call it an oxymoron?), they do not revert to the defenseless euphoria of a flying flightless, and in fact, are fine with landing and carrying out their plans on the ground.
A matryoshka flying flightless (named after the Russian dolls, for instance these ninja ones) continues to grow stronger and stronger (and has access to both the fallen and risen fallen subtypes) as more animals eat it. Eventually, only the largest animals are able to eat the flying flightless, but the undead energy grows stronger each time and is able to turn each subsequent creature. Depending on the particular matryoshka, the outer creatures may amalgamate into one hybrid, or each individual becomes the same as the original aviadin existing in the stomach at the very center. Amalgamated versions usually become more intelligent and are even able to overcome the senseless euphoria to be predatory.
Finally, a flock of flightless is either a swarm undead or an amalgamation trying to rise up and fly. As more flightless find their way to the flock over the years, the flock may accept or reject the new creature. Even if accepted, none of the flock wants to see any other member rise up, and so they are constantly pulling each other down while trying to lift up themselves. Their endless turmoil rarely ends, and even hunters of undead may allow a flock to continue existing out of hatred for the creatures. The only way for a flock of flightless to overcome their prison is by growing large enough to spill over the edges. By this time, they are nearly always an amalgamation and fused together.
Now, what about aviadins that tap into their heritage to devolve / evolve to pteradon like beasts in undeath?
Flying Horrors
Flying horrors have bat wings stretching from their torsos to their arms with fewer and fewer feathers as they continue to decay. They fly around devouring animals and small prey. They are opportunistic and indiscriminate and will bring down living creatures no matter what the creature is, or they will feed on carrion. They roost as birds and are attracted to places of old saurian magick. They are considered pests by shamans inhabiting saurian ruins and citadels. When flying horrors appear in groups, they will work together to bring down larger game (such as aviadins and other humanoids). They are very craven and easy to scatter when alone.
Well, that's it for physical corruption of aviadins. We've gone through all the requests of undead, but this is by no means the end. I'll continue updating from time to time and work my way through dwarves, minotaurs, centaurs and aviadins with a different impetus to make undead each time (for instance: magickal corruption, religious/cultural corruption, and more). If there's a race of WotA that you want to see undead made for, please feel free to request it!
I'll be updating the wiki more soon so that people are able to get more of an overview of the races, creatures and locations of WotA.
Thanks for reading!
Aviadins are a unique race to WotA, but similar to other fantasy birdmen races in form such as the aarakocra of D&D and Arakkoa of WoW. Where they differ is how they fit into the world of WotA (and also the fact that they can't do much more than a controlled slowfall, whereas most birdmen are able to fly to some extent).
After the Seal of the Archmagi was broken, the ancient saurian citadels returned to the Realm of Ao. The long dormant magicks seized upon the closest relatives to the saurians still alive, a variety of species of birds, and attempted to imbue them with the forgotten power of their proud race.The aviadins were the result.
Fossilized Aviadins
Let's start with a fossilized aviadin. The fossilized remains of the saurians are one of the great power sources for aviadins, so it makes sense that avish shamans grasping for more power might ritualistically fossilize their bones to try to impart more saurian magick into their bodies. This is accomplished through a variety of horrific methods, but in order to avoid mindlessness must be done while the shaman is still alive. If the aviadin is killed or dies before the procedure, they become a lost fossil.
The newly dead shaman (or rapidly dying) then has fossils of power pressed against what flesh of theirs remains or placed directly against exposed bones. The cadaver is then placed into a specially prepared chamber (generally unique to each that wishes to rise; if a chamber is shared, it may result in a jealous fossil) designed to encourage the rise of undead energy and facilitate the merging of ancient and new fossil (if the new or old fossils reject each other, then a rejected fossil occurs).
Finally, after at least several days, and usually several weeks, the fossilized aviadin rises newly empowered and returns to its former life. Fossilized aviadins are generally slower and less agile than living aviadins, but their flesh (if it remains) and bones become as hard as stone and they have significantly more magick than the average shaman. They are recharged when sleeping in their specially prepared chambers (which require saurian fossils built into the walls), and can come back from catastrophic injury/damage if they are able to return to the chamber (or are brought to it). The worse off they are, the longer it takes for them to recover, and super-injuries may cause permanent weakening (until they are further empowered). To guarantee permanent death of a fossilized aviadin, its special chamber must be destroyed and whatever fossils existing there or in the bones of the fossilized aviadin must be properly lain to rest or destroyed.
A lost fossil is one where the avish spirit has been disconnected from the body. The lost fossils wander the hallways of ancient saurian citadels and new avish temples, seemingly without purpose. It has been shown that they respond to stimulus and will defend themselves, but most aviadins rarely even acknowledge their existence. There is even the absurd hypothesis that the lost fossils have acquired ancient saurian spirits and that these have some sort of agenda they have been slowly working on. Although lost fossils usually do not reuse their original chambers, the fossils of those chambers slowly disappear and the different lost fossils of a citadel will be known to congregate together mindlessly.
A jealous fossil can be created for a variety of reasons, but frequently is motivated from desperation. If a shaman lies dying before its own chamber is prepared, then one who loves the deceased may rush forward to use a chamber promised to another (or even its own), or the one who is dying may break into the chamber and use it for its own purposes. Eventually, and sometimes immediately, the sense of bliss upon being recharged from a shared chamber lessens and goes away. Additionally, benefits of the fossils used in the creation of the chamber/fossilized aviadin may lessen or be shared between them even if they haven't used the chamber.
There is a well-adjusted fossil where a special chamber is successfully shared between two fossilized aviadins. In these cases, their powers are complemented and empowered instead of lessened.
A lost jealous fossil are an unfortunate common side effect of trying to grant the fossilized aviadin status to one already dead. In these cases, the original fossilized aviadin may find themselves stripped of their powers altogether or their special chamber returned to its base state with no power remaining to continue to recharge the fossilized aviadin.
A rejected fossil has many of the characteristics of fossilized aviadins, but the saurian and avish components of the creature are constantly jarring against each other and causing great explosions of pure magick. These are more likely when the shaman is not powerful enough to absorb the energies of the saurian fossils it would like to. The creation of a fossilized aviadin requires a fine balancing act between the old energies and the new until the undead monster adapts and expands its powers. If the saurian fossils far outstrip the powers of the shaman, then they eventually destroy the avish consciousness and become a lost fossil. Rarely, the aviadin is able to regain control and becomes a true fossilized aviadin, but these pitiable creatures are both ostracized by successful fossilized aviadins and usually grow to fear becoming more powerful in case of another rejection event. Finally, those rejected fossils that remain in the rejection state are driven mad and begin attacking others on sight. Their explosions are uncontrollable at first, but the dual consciousnesses may reach an accord mentally even as they struggle against one another physically, or one learns how to manipulate the other into being able to create the explosions at will.
An ascended fossil is a fossilized aviadin that has succeeded at unlocking the mysteries of saurian magicks and power and is able to utilize the powerful elemental magicks of the ancient saurians as well as the shamanistic magicks of the aviadins. These creatures usually manage lesser fossilized aviadins, controlling who has access to the ritual as well as their large-scale plans. An ascended fossil may work alone in a dictatorship over the other fossilized aviadins or a group of them may control in an oligarchy.
A little on the culture of aviadins. Aviadins build their entire race up as living gods, to which the shamans are the gods of the gods. Still, much of the everyday decisions of avish communities are decided by powerful or influential members of the lesser castes, where the shamans only interfere to get the aviadins to do something that would be beneficial to them. Otherwise, the shamans usually keep to their own devices in the retrofitted saurian citadels they call home. Similarly, fossilized aviadins have the same type of relationship to the shamans, and stay in the lower, subterranean floors (or upper floors for many-story citadels) and only interfere with shamans to guide one into becoming a new fossilized aviadin or to acquire something they want. Finally, ascended fossils control the fossilized aviadins when it suits them, and have their claws into many aspects of everyday life. Base-level aviadins and even shamans and new fossilized aviadins are frequently unaware of the existence of the ascended fossils.
Speaking of fossils, is this as cool as it looks? Stumbled on it while looking up dinosaur bones.
Imagining an aviadin that wants to fly like a bird prompted me to create the flightless:
Flightless
These rare avish undead want nothing more than to fly through the air. Overcome with the desire to feel the wind in their wings, they run and jump futilely until able to jump off cliffs, flapping arms that frequently have decayed to the point they are even unable to glide or slow their fall. Crashing below, they are left a mess of decayed flesh and bones. If not eaten by wandering monsters (symbiotic undead: flightless stomach), then they continue to try to raise up off the ground, lurching upwards as their destroyed bodies prevent movement. Eventually, the energy of undeath will reconstitute their bodies to the point that they try to jump and fly in place before repeating their previous folly. Even more eventually, flightless tend to congregate in the lowest point of a region, unable to escape and constantly jostling to try to raise up off the ground (possibly turning into a flock of flightless).
A flightless stomach is the result of either very stupid creatures or those with an indomitable stomach eating on the remains of a helpless flightless. Sometimes, the creature will pass the undead monster with no significant complications, but frequently the undead energy spreads throughout the animal from the stomach until the animal dies and both it and the original flightless in its stomach are fused into one unholy abomination. If the animal possesses wings, then the creature may become a flying flightless.
If the animal does not possess wings, then it becomes dangerous (most flightless aren't) to those around it. Enraged by its grounded nature, the animal stampedes about, savaging any and all life in the region. Especially despicable to it are winged creatures, which the outer animal always eats to transfer the body to the inner flightless. Very difficult to kill, the flightless stomach will remain "alive" even if the animal body receives what appear to be mortal wounds. The only way to put down the thing for good is to destroy the flightless within. These monsters frequently synergize to the point they acquire an inner mouth, although the original flightless creature remains firmly ensconced in the beast's belly.
The creature eventually begins to resemble a horror show amalgamation of bird and the original type. Its claws may begin to resemble talons or grow additional ones, and great bird wings with claws will sprout from its back. However, because of the aerodynamics of the beast, these wings are rarely able to achieve flight. Instead, the monster uses them in battle to become more and more powerful. If it does possess wings, then it may transition to the personality of a flying flightless over the years, although this is a rare occurrence.
A flying flightless is a very happy sort of undead. Being an amalgamation between a flying animal and a flightless, the creature takes to soaring for days at a time, always filled with a euphoria that leaves it relatively defenseless. Occasionally, the decay caused by undeath will cause the creature to lose its flying ability, becoming a fallen flying flightless, and more commonly, larger flying creatures will eat the unsuspecting flying flightless, repeating the process again and again, becoming a matryoshka flying flightless.
A fallen flying flightless is much more cunning and dangerous than a normal flightless stomach. The time spent soaring through the air has tuned its mental faculties and the creature may even reach levels of intelligence the aviadin had in life. These creatures begin to have "normal" desires and wishes, implementing plans and stratagems in order to acquire what they desire. They will frequently continue with the goal of trying to fly again, but it is not an all-consuming one, and even if successful in becoming a risen fallen flying flightless (should I just call it an oxymoron?), they do not revert to the defenseless euphoria of a flying flightless, and in fact, are fine with landing and carrying out their plans on the ground.
A matryoshka flying flightless (named after the Russian dolls, for instance these ninja ones) continues to grow stronger and stronger (and has access to both the fallen and risen fallen subtypes) as more animals eat it. Eventually, only the largest animals are able to eat the flying flightless, but the undead energy grows stronger each time and is able to turn each subsequent creature. Depending on the particular matryoshka, the outer creatures may amalgamate into one hybrid, or each individual becomes the same as the original aviadin existing in the stomach at the very center. Amalgamated versions usually become more intelligent and are even able to overcome the senseless euphoria to be predatory.
Finally, a flock of flightless is either a swarm undead or an amalgamation trying to rise up and fly. As more flightless find their way to the flock over the years, the flock may accept or reject the new creature. Even if accepted, none of the flock wants to see any other member rise up, and so they are constantly pulling each other down while trying to lift up themselves. Their endless turmoil rarely ends, and even hunters of undead may allow a flock to continue existing out of hatred for the creatures. The only way for a flock of flightless to overcome their prison is by growing large enough to spill over the edges. By this time, they are nearly always an amalgamation and fused together.
Now, what about aviadins that tap into their heritage to devolve / evolve to pteradon like beasts in undeath?
Flying Horrors
Flying horrors have bat wings stretching from their torsos to their arms with fewer and fewer feathers as they continue to decay. They fly around devouring animals and small prey. They are opportunistic and indiscriminate and will bring down living creatures no matter what the creature is, or they will feed on carrion. They roost as birds and are attracted to places of old saurian magick. They are considered pests by shamans inhabiting saurian ruins and citadels. When flying horrors appear in groups, they will work together to bring down larger game (such as aviadins and other humanoids). They are very craven and easy to scatter when alone.
Well, that's it for physical corruption of aviadins. We've gone through all the requests of undead, but this is by no means the end. I'll continue updating from time to time and work my way through dwarves, minotaurs, centaurs and aviadins with a different impetus to make undead each time (for instance: magickal corruption, religious/cultural corruption, and more). If there's a race of WotA that you want to see undead made for, please feel free to request it!
I'll be updating the wiki more soon so that people are able to get more of an overview of the races, creatures and locations of WotA.
Thanks for reading!
