April Aasheim's Blog, page 17
July 24, 2013
No, Boots, No
I've had my kitty Boots for 5 weeks now and he is 17 weeks old. He can not stand for me to be on my laptop, especially when I am writing. I have to come up with a new plan.
July 23, 2013
Free July 26th!
New Cover!To celebrate the new cover of my book The Universe is a Very Big Place, I am giving away free downloads of it through Amazon on Friday, July 26th. Put a little laughter in your summer! A perfect beach read. "Laugh Out Loud Funny!" Bestchicklit.com
Free Download July 26
Collector's Edition
July 20, 2013
I Want Mermaid Abs
I've been getting back into Magic the Gathering lately. Yes, that Magic from the 1990s. I got hooked back in by playing X-box Magic 2014. It was fun and so I bought a deck. And another. And another.
I can talk a lot about Magic, and I probably will at some point. But I just had the most interesting epiphany while playing so I had to share. There was a creature in the game that was a human female from the neck down, and a feline from the neck up. A cat woman I guess.
Of course, the cat woman had nice boobs and killer abs and wore a sexy dress. It made me stop and think. Why would a woman that was cursed to have an oversized cat's head bother to work out and then go shopping for the perfect outfit? If it were me, I'd sequester myself in the house with a bag of Cheetos and probably never step foot outside again. But then again, I don't have cat woman's self confidence. She knows how to work it.
But while I'm on the subject, why is it that every half animal/half human fantasy creature is always in good shape? I've never seen a Mermaid with a muffin top or a Centaur with a beer gut. When was the last time anyone saw a Minotaur with a set of love handles skulking about? It just doesn't happen.
I was on my rant, pointing out the blatant sexism within the artistry, when my husband reminded me of harpies. Those old, ugly birds who sit around squawking and complaining.
I'm not sure why he brought this up but I guess he's right. Although...something feels wrong.
I will have to think about this and come back to it later.
I can talk a lot about Magic, and I probably will at some point. But I just had the most interesting epiphany while playing so I had to share. There was a creature in the game that was a human female from the neck down, and a feline from the neck up. A cat woman I guess.
Of course, the cat woman had nice boobs and killer abs and wore a sexy dress. It made me stop and think. Why would a woman that was cursed to have an oversized cat's head bother to work out and then go shopping for the perfect outfit? If it were me, I'd sequester myself in the house with a bag of Cheetos and probably never step foot outside again. But then again, I don't have cat woman's self confidence. She knows how to work it.
But while I'm on the subject, why is it that every half animal/half human fantasy creature is always in good shape? I've never seen a Mermaid with a muffin top or a Centaur with a beer gut. When was the last time anyone saw a Minotaur with a set of love handles skulking about? It just doesn't happen.
I was on my rant, pointing out the blatant sexism within the artistry, when my husband reminded me of harpies. Those old, ugly birds who sit around squawking and complaining.
I'm not sure why he brought this up but I guess he's right. Although...something feels wrong.
I will have to think about this and come back to it later. July 18, 2013
The Suggestion Box Suggestion
I have informed my husband that from now on ALL suggestions AND complaints are to be put into a suggestion box. At the end of the day I will review them and act accordingly. If something isn't in the suggestion box (such as how to properly clean the dishcloths or the best temperature to keep the thermostat on) then I will assume all is well and everyone is happy. I will ONLY be taking action from comments that have been put into the suggestion box.His response: "That sounds like a great idea."
I thought so too, and I tell him. "We can keep the suggestion box affixed to our headboard. I will read all your suggestions at the end of the night."
His eyes lit up. "Can I suggest other things?"
"Of course," I tell him.
"Like sexy things?"
"Whatever you want."
"Good. I've got lots of suggestions."
"I'm sure you do."
"Just to be sure, I can write anything I want? And you won't get upset?"
"Yes, just keep in mind that I will be reading all the daily suggestions at once, at the end of the day, before we have..."
"Oh." He thinks for a second. "How about we put up two suggestions boxes? One for the house stuff and one for the bed."
"No. One suggestions box for EVERYTHING. But keep in mind that I will be reading ALL of the suggestions, your helpful house ones and the bed ones at the end of the day, before we have..."
"Hmmm. Guess I need to word things carefully."
"I guess you do."
"Or not put any bad ones in."
"That's an idea. Just remember though. If it's not in the suggestion box it will not be addressed. I will assume everything is fine and you are not allowed to complain about it."
"Hmmm. Okay."
"I can put a suggestion box up for you too, so you can tell me if there's anything you want more of or I'm not doing right."
I thought about all the laundry that wouldn't fold itself, how he drove faster than the speed limit, and his love of reality cop show TVs. Yes, I had a few suggestions of my own.
"Great idea, honey. I've got lots of suggestions."
"Oh, wait," he tried to stop me. "I meant..."
But it was too late. He had already opened that box.
July 11, 2013
Free on Amazon July 11 and 12
The Witches of Dark Root is free to download on Amazon July 11 and 12.
What could be more fun than one witch? A whole family of them.
Not your typical 'witchy' book. This story is loaded with drama, family relationships, heart, and of course, magick. The Witches of Dark Root
What could be more fun than one witch? A whole family of them.
Not your typical 'witchy' book. This story is loaded with drama, family relationships, heart, and of course, magick. The Witches of Dark Root
Free Download of The Witches of Dark Root July 11 and 12 on Amazon
**Free Today and Tomorrow**(July 11 and 12 for Kindle) The Witches of Dark Roothttp://amzn.com/061581932X
June 24, 2013
Starting a New Book
In 1981 my stepfather quit his job (or was fired, I'm not sure we ever got the story straight) and moved me and my four younger brothers and sisters from our suburban neighborhood in Las Vegas, NV to a nearly abandoned mining town nestled in the Superstitious Mountains of Arizona.
My stepfather had heard that there was a magical plant that grew in these parts (and almost nowhere else in the world) that would revolutionize the cosmetics industry. If we 'beat' the others and picked and sold this plant we would never have to 'work for the man' again.
During our stint in the mountains we lived in an abandoned miner's shack and hired illegal immigrants from Central America to aid us on our quest. We lived there two years and (obviously) did not become rich. But we did have many adventures.
I have started writing this story, or at least part of it. My new book Mama's Not Home is inspired by the actual events of the move and our new lives in the mountains.
But it's hard.
I'm struggling with how much truth to put in and how much to fictionalize. I love the setting and setup of the story but I'm not sure its worthy of an entire book. I guess we will see.
At any rate I will be working on that for the next few months. It's a story I've always wanted to tell. It's funny how much I hated being there then and how I've realized what a marvelous adventure the entire thing was in retrospect.
My stepfather had heard that there was a magical plant that grew in these parts (and almost nowhere else in the world) that would revolutionize the cosmetics industry. If we 'beat' the others and picked and sold this plant we would never have to 'work for the man' again.
During our stint in the mountains we lived in an abandoned miner's shack and hired illegal immigrants from Central America to aid us on our quest. We lived there two years and (obviously) did not become rich. But we did have many adventures.
I have started writing this story, or at least part of it. My new book Mama's Not Home is inspired by the actual events of the move and our new lives in the mountains.
But it's hard.
I'm struggling with how much truth to put in and how much to fictionalize. I love the setting and setup of the story but I'm not sure its worthy of an entire book. I guess we will see.
At any rate I will be working on that for the next few months. It's a story I've always wanted to tell. It's funny how much I hated being there then and how I've realized what a marvelous adventure the entire thing was in retrospect.
June 21, 2013
Jeans (or A Dieter's Lament)
I think that I shall never seeA poem lovely as size six jeans
Jeans whose zipper zips right up
Without protesting to my rump
Jeans that will not bag all day
Even after thighs that splay
Jeans that flatter, jeans that pop
And hide my growing muffin top
Within whose denim I can hide
The divots dotting my backside
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only Lipolife in the strip mall next to the old Denny’s that is now a hangout for drug dealers and daytime hookers
Can get me into those size six jeans.
(inspired by Joyce Kilmer's poem Trees)
June 20, 2013
My Boots!
Three days ago our neighbor girls knocked on our door. They had an armful of kittens.
"Would you like to adopt one for free?" one of the girls asked. I surveyed the cats.
Up until this moment my husband and I had talked about getting a pet but had never really gotten past the talking part. Pets were a big commitment, something neither of us had felt ready for since getting married. We had both had pets before. They were smelly, destructive, and needy, and my husband and I are both typically, for lack of a better word, selfish with our time.
But there was something so sweet about one of those kittens that I couldn't resist. Without thinking I nodded yes and scooped the fluffy black and white one up into my own arms. It was a boy.
His name was Socks. And I was in love.
I texted my husband tentatively. "Please, don't get mad, but I got us a cat." I included a picture of said kitty with his big eyes and fluffy body. My husband didn't respond for thirty minutes. Finally, he texted back, "he's cute." I wasn't sure what this meant or how my husband really felt about the matter, but I was going to take it for a win.
Socks was mine.
Socks, who I renamed Boots, has been an utter joy in my life for the last three days. He loves to play and hang out with me and purr, but he isn't super needy, which is good. And, unlike my dying plants on the front deck, he actually sounds an alarm when he's hungry or needs water. I think if more plants adopted that behavior they'd stand a better chance of surviving their first few weeks under my care.
I'm not sure which direction my life will take now that I'm a cat owner. I've never owned a cat before. But I hope that I will be a good mommie to the little guy. We took him in to get his shots (his sibling had to be put to sleep because he had contacted a disease and I was very worried) and neutered this morning. I'm afraid when I pick him up he will look at my like I've betrayed him. I hope he forgives me.
Anyways, just updating about the new addition to my life. Animals are good for the soul and I'm surprised it took me this many years to adopt another pet.
"Would you like to adopt one for free?" one of the girls asked. I surveyed the cats.
Up until this moment my husband and I had talked about getting a pet but had never really gotten past the talking part. Pets were a big commitment, something neither of us had felt ready for since getting married. We had both had pets before. They were smelly, destructive, and needy, and my husband and I are both typically, for lack of a better word, selfish with our time.
But there was something so sweet about one of those kittens that I couldn't resist. Without thinking I nodded yes and scooped the fluffy black and white one up into my own arms. It was a boy.
His name was Socks. And I was in love.
I texted my husband tentatively. "Please, don't get mad, but I got us a cat." I included a picture of said kitty with his big eyes and fluffy body. My husband didn't respond for thirty minutes. Finally, he texted back, "he's cute." I wasn't sure what this meant or how my husband really felt about the matter, but I was going to take it for a win.
Socks was mine.
Socks, who I renamed Boots, has been an utter joy in my life for the last three days. He loves to play and hang out with me and purr, but he isn't super needy, which is good. And, unlike my dying plants on the front deck, he actually sounds an alarm when he's hungry or needs water. I think if more plants adopted that behavior they'd stand a better chance of surviving their first few weeks under my care.
I'm not sure which direction my life will take now that I'm a cat owner. I've never owned a cat before. But I hope that I will be a good mommie to the little guy. We took him in to get his shots (his sibling had to be put to sleep because he had contacted a disease and I was very worried) and neutered this morning. I'm afraid when I pick him up he will look at my like I've betrayed him. I hope he forgives me.
Anyways, just updating about the new addition to my life. Animals are good for the soul and I'm surprised it took me this many years to adopt another pet.
