Tehreem Ali's Blog, page 10

Prophecies And Philosophies

They hold our innocent hearts in their callous hands. Maybe they’ll spare us, maybe they won’t. But we can’t be sure. So we all we can do is hope and love. Tomorrow might bring us a troubadour with a message of peace and prosperity, but today, right now, one another’s warmth is all we have to keep us from freezing in cold of despair. We can’t run. We can’t hide. But we can shine and sing dance and laugh and dream and feel and imagine and care and run – till we feel alive and free!

Iron bars keep us caged, with no food to replenish us; no roof to shelter us. Only the distant cries of helplessness and defeat ring in our ears and echo in our troubled minds. When the sun sets or when the moon comes up – we don’t know. Time is but a cruel stranger to us now.

Just before they take us to our guillotine, to finish our lives one and for all, we realize. We breathe. We wake up. We become conscious, that they can’t enslave us. They can’t kill us. They can’t hold us. For we are the ones who hold life in our hands. We are the ones who decide our own fate. We are the runners that can’t be stopped. We are the conquerors of our decisions and choices. We are the inventors. We are the light. We are the winners. We are the thinkers. We are the melodies. We are the guides. We are the moments and the milestones. We are the courage. We are the hope. We are the answers. We are the seekers. We are the heartbeats and the heartstrings. We are the dimensions. We are the audience. We are the stars. We are the cure. We are the harmony. We are the bridges. We are the peace. We are the solutions. We are the painters. We are the colors.

We are golden.

We are free.

We are alive.

Filed under: Amateur, Dreams, Life, Optimism, Teen Stuff

Swimming In The Dark

We are all angles without an ounce of innocent; dancers without a melody to dance to; lovers with a dead consciousness. minds with decaying thoughts; stars losing their shimmer day by day; adrenaline junkies without any emotions; singers with no audience; hearts with an irregular rhythm; drops of dried blood coursing through stiff veins; dreamers of a false reality; guitars with broken strings; winds whispering in dilapidated hallways; thoughts too bizarre to be logical; stimuli that are unable to produce a response; loners always ready to let go and forget; archers with no arrows and bows; runners who don’t know the rules to the race; conquerors without an ambition; winners who never accept to defeat; voices of a forgotten hope; pessimists cutting through the sharp edges of reality and divers swimming in the dark depths of oceans filled with our own fears and regrets.

Filed under: Amateur

If I Fall…

Running. Stopping. Running again. I stop. I wait. I listen. They’re after me. I start running again. the sun is my guide as I run through the wilderness, all the jungles and valleys and abandoned gas stations. Tomorrow will be a new day, but today, right now I have to run. Have to get away. Find shelter. Find safety. Find peace. Adrenaline fuels my worn out parts. Freedom keeps me alive. Life keeps my heart beating, my mind working. They’ve let out my worst demons and they are everywhere, running after me, sitting on rooftops, chasing after my good days I left behind me. A crack. Jump. Don’t fall. Carry on. don’t stop. They’ll get to me if I stop. They’ve let lose my fears too. They chase me, screaming and hooting, trying to catch up with me. But I won’t let them. I will spend every molecule left in my deteriorating lungs; I will consume every ounce of energy; I will stretch every muscle; break every tendon; absorb all the adrenaline; respond to every stimulus; carry whatever burden them thrust on my shoulders and the pain they sprinkle on my way; shut out all the noises – if that is what it takes. In a storm or snow or thunder or flood or cycle, come whatever may, my determination shall will me forward, ignoring all the hindrance, kicking aside any diversion. But I won’t stop. Can’t stop. Can’t wait. Can’t stumble. Can’t fall.

For if I do, they will catch me and they will kill me. First, they will take away my feelings, then my dreams, then my hopes, then my identity, then my love and all that it stood for.

So I can’t stop.

Can’t fall.

Can’t stumble.

Filed under: Amateur, Life

Love And Other Parasites.

There is a certain joy in the crisp sound of you laughter. The way you gently yet strongly pluck the chords on your blue guitar remind me of a valley of forgotten days that we behind us for our hands were too full at the time to carry them. I stay awake at night, breathing with only the sound of my fears, my demons thumping loudly and heartily on the cracked floors of my weak mind. I try to invent a way to face them. For one can only either face their fears or immortalize them, not kill them entirely.  For then who will shout out to Courage to come and take their place? your heartbeat sounds like a grey, hollow drumbeat. When I look for an afterglow behind the ones I love, a diminishing haze is all I can catch. No one can ever wrap their heads around reality, for it doesn’t exist. It is only a belief we have breathed life into by our imagination. It doesn’t matter if you are stronger than me. for at least I have my demons, along with my myriad of dreams and thoughts and hallucinations and hopes and fears to aid me in the chambers of my mind. whereas all you have stacked up there is the dust of regret and misery. I will not die for you, if that is what you expect of me; but I can surely teach you how to live and how to recognize life at its purest. But I grow ill day by day, for I find your love a parasite taking refuge in me, wasting me away from the core, until I decay and turn to dust and ashes.

However, I am the phoenix of my own making, and I will rise from my own ashes. Even though they instilled love in me in the form of a parasite, I will not fall so low so as to do the same to them. In fact, I will try to look for the parasites eating them away from the inside. I will try to find a cure for their disease, Hatred, and I will try to rid them of the pain caused by their parasites. But I make no promises, for I will try.

I will try.

Filed under: Amateur, Life

Heartbeats and Blood

The light of dawn awakens my lazy bones. the rays of the sun causes a tingling sensation in my marrow which was decaying, like dead corals in the dark, silent depths of the sea. The atoms and molecules of very cell inside me break free from the sheet of ice they were trapped in, created by the lack of love’s warmth. They reach every organ and every muscle, every tissue and every system inside me, bringing everything to life again. The red tinge of blood spreads fast over my grey nerves; they drink it to hungrily to quench their long-existing thirst. One by one, they start to dilate and expand, dilate and expand, till all the fibers around come to life. The movements then spread peacefully to that huge drum which gives rise to the rhythm of all in the body, the heart. It has forgotten how to produce that rhythm, though. So the beauty of the thought and the magic of the mind comes along, high on their heels, and teach my heart how to beat again. First it is all mayhem and chaos, but out of this chaos comes an order: my first sound heartbeat. It resonates through the silent hallways and empty chambers of my empty mortality. Next comes the adrenaline rush, coursing up through my spine, triggering un-explainable sensation to rise up from their dormant cradles. Every nerve ending feels so taught, stretched to its maximum. Every fiber is busy healing old wounds. All my muscle chords contract and expand in a silent unison, making the stiffness scream with movement.

The blood runs to every nook and cranny, wets every dried up vein, replenish every tendon, lubricates all the noisy bones cracking against one another, bathing the chambers of my heart, washing over and mending heartstrings that lie cracked and broken, and awakens the drunken thoughts fallen deep inside my mind.

Then come the feelings, their arrival awakening any unconscious part of me that hides still deep inside, their warmth coursing through my veins. Then comes the want and the desire; then comes the realization of being fully alive and awake; then comes the thought and the dream; then comes courage and determination and love and pain and curiosity and resolve and boldness and sympathy and grief and joy – all in response to the stimulus that

I am alive.

I am free.

Filed under: Amateur, Life, Teen Stuff

Death Experiments

Take a colorful piece of life and put it in a cloud. Then let that cloud soar its way high through a thunderous sky spread over a land of the lost moon and stars. There is a chance the cloud might absorb the lightning bolts charging around it. When it does, the piece of life pulsing within it will split into its constituent atoms and molecules. The forces binding these particles together will also break. Their energy will make the cloud writhe in pain and agony, wanting to get rid of the heated pulses beating within it.

A day will come when this cloud will roam above a dry patch of land somewhere. There, it will pour down rain which is actually nothing but the tears of life contained within it. This rain will then nourish the day land. Soon, new plants will begin to sprout out of it, where before it was dead and barren. Another life will be created at the expense of another.

This is the way of Nature.

This is the consequence of Balance.

This is the design of the Creator.

This is the patter of Existence.

Filed under: Amateur, Life Tagged: balance, death, growth, life

I Am Infinite

I see this endless sea of words floating before me; the drops dance before my mortal eyes like lost and decaying fireflies. Yet, what are these words?

What do they stand for?

What song do they sing?

I try to stay afloat on this sea of  words but fail to do so for the boat of concentration is filled with its waves. So, I drown in them instead, gasping for the air of concentration that’s escaping my mind as I sink deeper and deeper and deeper…

Then I hear this rhythmic melody, like a savior come to rescue me from my delirium, to help me understand the meaning of this endless sea of words. To me, this melody is what love is to a loner, what the day is to the night, what sound is to a deaf ear, what light is to dark, what music is to the rhythm, what a body is to its soul, what strings are to a guitar, what flowers are to their fragrance, what hunger is to a winner, what defeat is to a conqueror, what myth is to a believer, what solidarity is to an outcast, what silence is to a philosopher, what a poet is to his imaginations and what elegance is to a bohemian.

This melody courses through my frozen blood, reviving it once again; it’s an echo spreading in the abandoned and silent hallways of my restlessly aching mind; it’s a shadow for my tired eyes that have gone blind from staring too long at the sun; it touches me on the edges of my soul and hence saves it from falling into a deep and dark abyss; it resonates the possibilities I forgot existed around me; it turns bright the dying embers of my fire of ambition; it breaks the barriers of my reserved ego so that I can let Life pour in; it’s like a soft, tender muscle pulling in my heartstrings; the sound it produces makes me want to fly high in the world of dreams and clouds; its warmth replenishes the coldness taking refuge in me; it’s a thought for my thoughts to contemplate upon.

It is a melody that awakens me.

It is a melody that makes me feel.

Feel like I am Infinite.

 

 

 

I have Jozef Van Wissem for his composition The Taste Of Blood to thank for. It is the inspiration behind this post whose basis came to me while studying. The music made it impossible for me to concentrate on the words before my eyes;it is that beautiful!

Filed under: Amateur, Music Tagged: music

All That I Am

I am a drop of Time drifting in the space; I am a wind of creation made from clay and water;I am a spirit inside a mortal form;I am a sky with the salty stars broken and heavy;I am a moon with no light but only a shimmer of what it once was;I am a sun with blacks and whites coursing through its each and every vein;I am a night with the riders of fear on my back;I am a morning with a tiny root of hope growing on it;I am a speck on the ground that forgets to cry;I am a diminished ruin nestled deep in the crevices of age and history;I am a castle of sand resisting the thrashing waves;I am a galaxy whose stars cannot be tames;I am a fault in the future and a consequence of a lost past;I am a broken smile lingering on your face;I am a tear in the warm depths of your eyes;I am a folded promise resting in your heart;I am a token of all that the night has to give;I am a bone in the skeleton of nature;I am a muscle stretching to snatch away what peace there is to find;I am a memory of a sound never heard;I am a dust particle floating in the vacuüm of Love;I am the undefined answer to your doubt;I am the leaf that bears the light of hope and spreads it to the roots;I am a heated box holding your lies and secrets;I am a mind without wings to fly with;I am a crumpled sheet of mystery engulfing your consciousness;I am the footpath everyone stamps upon;I am a tired child of the ancient;I am a lonely winner holding the world in my hands;I am a stray dreamer walking on a twisted road;I am a sheep grazing the field of my fears;I am a trouble in the plan of the old and wise;I am an elegant dancer with thorns instead of feet;I am a spreading echo that breaks everything in its wake;I am a song you always have on your lips;I am a melody too easy to destroy;I am an image always manipulated;I am a decision you can’t take;I am a choice you regret making;I am a silence that screams your mind to madness.

I am my own creation.

I am undefined.

Filed under: Amateur

Hasty They Go,My Dreams

I sit in this tall pile of my immortal thoughts…or what is left of them.I can’t see anything for the darkness of my doubts blinds me, engulfs me slowly into its cloak,like a mother surrounds her child with her love and care.My heart feel like a small, shivering cannonball in my chest, giving off sparks now and then that gleam in my eyes.Some day I might have a scar of my own, but now the only thing I own is a dream…and it seems to be drifting away from me,slipping into that lost, dark and quiet part of my subconscious which I don’t have the access to.There are huge iron bars in front of a room where I have kept all my fears. Now only the strength of your bleeding heart can pour itself into those bars from which they will melt away instantly and hence give you permission to enter the room of my fears.

“I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”

The hallway to my immortal mind lays bare; the cracks in the ceiling of my mind are leaking from your bitter-sweet words; the ghost of your memories haunt my thoughts every passing moment of this bleak time; voices of your footsteps leave an echo ringing in my ears.The dreams I decorated with your smiles and my tears,with your heart and my blood, with your hope and my determinations, with your strength and my faith,with your sympathy and my honesty,with your mercy and my compassion, with your love and my sacrifice – are all drifting away.

Filed under: Amateur, Dreams Tagged: dreams

I Asked My Heart What Love Is…

I asked my heart what love is.It caught a shard of sorrow and broke into two and fell in my back. Maybe I can never find that little,shiny ray of light coursing through the day, dawning in our sorrows.The years are cruel to the one who follows behind. All these moments melt in my hand as I look up at the sky and ask for the one. Fear and anxiety are the roots to my plants. I water them everyday. When the sun comes up, even its bright light cannot succeed to rot them away. Open your window, love. Maybe the birds will carry my prayers to your otherwise deaf ears. Then we won’t have to be scared anymore, if all we’ve got is each other’s melody. Break the darkness inside you. It will only cloak away my light from your translucent eyes. I can’t tell if they love me or hate me. All I see is just a silhouette of what they say they are. I wait on the bleak edge of my patience for a day that is lost somewhere in the galaxies of time, where I can’t reach it and try to make it rain in my little life. It’s only pain, they say; it’s only doubt, they say. But they don’t see it like I do. We are nothing except what we give. All these fake images we paint and put on display to the world will drain like drops in a paper cup. Can I forget? Can you forget? Will it come back to us ever again? For no one can explain these tethers,of a fire we are all made up of,called feelings. Your memories are too heavy for me to carry so, I will lay them down in a shade I built out of my leaves of courage.Drown this noise, they scream, for they don’t want to hear the plans we make of escaping this dungeon. One day all the mountains will crack beneath your lies. Then don’t go running in the woods because the woods will shrink back their trees for fear of you. Freedom is yet a place I have to visit. But do feel at liberty to come with me when I do go there, for maybe even in a place called Freedom they will have chains awaiting my arrival. All I know, all I feel, all I remember, is nothing but a shred of that blinding light we are born with. Your miracle is for me,mine is for you. So don’t go wasting it about on this place that will go up in ashes just by your touch. Horses and dragons and fairies and vampires and werewolves and nymphs and golem all seek you out to feed upon your feeble dreams. But don’t give in, for I will lend you my love as a shield. I feel tired now,from finding unsaid words and phrases. Perhaps I ought to go to the silent city of my memories to search for them. In a locked up cage, they throw away all they think is a hindrance to their plans. But I will soon light up the fire that will consume their minds and thoughts. Here they come now, your questions and doubts. How loudly they echo through the corridors of my empty mind. I can’t wait. They can’t understand. You can’t see. Then what is there after all, that I can put my hands on and feel some warmth from? Life is a stranger I have yet to meet. It sends me invitations everyday but I can’t seem to find enough time to visit it. Maybe it lives in a castle. Maybe its as poor as my heart. But then again, we only see the upper,bright surfaces. Digging deep enough, we come to the truth of the matter. Nothing is ever-living, they tell me, then why is there the sky and moon that seem to be immortal? I have a fever that can only be cured by your love that seems to be too expensive a medicine for me to buy. I never bury my demons in the ground, not do I fight with them. For I sit with them silently in a corner of my mind and listen to the tales they have to share with me. I don’t have an enemy in them for at least they are there for me when no one else is. You have my heart in your hands so please be careful with it, in case you touch its weak chords and make it bleed. I should have taken it out years ago and drowned it in an iron sea, for no one to find it. Rolling in the deep voids of my subconscious are the pictures and colors I remember you in. They come to life in my dreams. Lines and lines of endless guilt fill my hands. There is no remedy for the pain of reminiscence. Your voice is what I hear in the pangs of my depression. I ask myself often what I want to become but then remember I haven’t been given a choice in the first place for all they want to do is to forge me into a weapon with which they can take their revenge on the mockers. Buried in my silence in the answer to your question. Let everything crumble to the ground below but I will always stand tall before you. I am using up all that I have just to pave you a way into my mind’s asylum. There is a door only open for you in it. But do tread softly in it, for it breaks easily. Hold my hand in yours, and maybe then we can ride our fears into a deep dark pit somewhere only we know. What you see, I see. What you feel, I feel. But yet we seem worlds apart. I can’t fight you, it’s you I want to fight with. Let them whisper their black tongues away; I don’t pay a moment’s thought to what they say for it’s all lies and rumors meant to break you and twist your faith in me.

Your heartstrings are too weak for me to play a melody on. So, I bring mine for you to play on. Hope you like how they sound.

Maybe when the dawn breaks, the seas will overflow with my blood, the sky will shower my tears, the moon will reflect my pain, the ground will shake from my throbbing headaches, the wind will echo my unheard whispers, the stars will light my way and then I will find my way to heaven. Words don’t ring true to me now so I put them in a ship that I’ve made out my blood and set it forth to sail in a sea of my tears.

Filed under: Amateur, Teen Stuff Tagged: depression, heart, love, random, sadness