Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 55

Tastes Like…?

Green Shower Sparkling Water! Let’s see, this will taste like…what ARE those artfully clustered things at the top of the label? At first I thought PINECONES. I check what might be the Japanese description below. The kanji reads, “fragrant charcoal sour water.” Oops, my bad, charcoal + sour = carbonated, who knew. This does not help me know what to expect when I pour myself a tall one.

Okay, when in doubt, read the fine print on the back. Aha, they’re hops. Yes, the kind they make beer from. Beer flavored water! I uncap it and take a sniff. Huh. Pine-y. Take a swig. Pine-y and mint-y. Green Shower, I don’t really know what I expected, but I am disappoint.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Cat & Bunny & Bear Thigh Highs!

I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get in line behind meeeee!

I’ll take a dozen of these too.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Virus Protection Of The Gods

You can valiantly beat many a deadline with a cold, flu, hangover, and worse, but if your computer catches a virus or your phone bricks, you’re dead meat. Every Japanese shrine sells o-mamori charms to keep you from getting sick, but what about protecting your precious electronics? Enter the Kanda Myojin shrine, with o-mamori for the next millennium!

This rather quaintly-designed set includes a postage stamp-sized sticker for your phone, a somewhat larger strip for your computer, and a wallet card (in case the gods ask to see it before deciding whether or not to sic the latest evilcode on you).

What good will it do to beat it across the street before that speeding taxi gets you, or ace the exam you didn’t study for, if you can’t Instagram it?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Green Brownie Sludge Frappucino

 

You know when you were a kid, and you made the Nobel-prize-winning discovery that if you dumped chocolate syrup into your milk, it turned into chocolate milk? And then you tried it with other things – like peanut butter and jelly – that were (to put it mildly) not quite so successful?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Japanese Invent A New Way For VIP Visits To Annoy The Populace

The populace protests the closure.

You know how it goes when a VIP comes to town: streets unexpectedly blocked, swarms of shifty-eyed men in dark suits with little curly wires in their ears, cavalcades of unnecessarily long dark cars swanning through the streets? Annoying, right?

Well, in Japan, everybody takes the subway, so you’d think these irritating VIP visits would be only marginally inconvenient, but you’d be WRONG. In preparation for the American President’s visit, the Powers That Be decided that not only trash cans, but also recycle bins(!!!), were Public Safety Menace #1, and for a week, all the places to toss that empty drink bottle/can you bought at a vending machine are taped shut.

Why? you might ask. GOOD QUESTION. Thanks to one bunch of crazies who released sarin gas in the subway twenty years ago, the Japanese authorities live in fear that some terrorist group will cleverly use that been-there-done-that idea and turn the trash receptacles of Tokyo into deadly weapons of mass destruction. (By the way, the sarin gas wasn’t hidden in trash cans, but all trash cans disappeared from Tokyo after that anyway, wtf?)

Meanwhile, millions of Japanese are cursing President Obama and the limo he rode in on, as they tote their empties endlessly around like The Trash Without A Country.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

A Rabbit A Day At The Bunny Cafe

Hello there, bunnies! Wow, you are cute and friendly. Please don’t poop on me.

Fortunately, lap diapers are dispensed at the door, so you can enjoy the lovely bunnies without any dry cleaning anxiety. At the Ohisama rabbit café, a 30-minute lapful of long-eared fluffiness will set you back about ten bucks, including the coffee/tea of your choice (served in the room next door, to avoid the dreaded fur garnish).

Do you have food? Are you food? If you were food, we wouldn’t have to order pizza for a week!

Food! Food! Oh. Not food.

The hardworking rabbitoids of Ohisama, battling it out to be #1 Bunzilla.

Then suddenly…the bunny from another dimension.

If you’d like to visit the Ohisama rabbit café the next time you’re in Tokyo, it’s in Shimokitazawa at 2-28-5 Kitazawa 2F. They’re open every day from noon to 8:00 p.m. Tel 03-3410-5299 (Japanese only). Map here.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Azaleas For The Win

Ni no Maru, Imperial Palace East Garden

Okay, in a cherry blossoms vs. azaleas fight to the death, where are you going to put your hard-earned cash? (Hint: Let me put it this way, I’ve seen Japanese azalea gardens reduce people who are never at a loss for words to just saying…wow.)

Here are my favorite places to see them right now in Tokyo…

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NI NO MARU, Imperial Palace East Garden

This little garden is filled with hedges that look like abstract paintings made with flowers. Most of the year, the Imperial Palace gardens are totally missable, but during azalea season, you have to GO.

The blooming azaleas look even brighter, because they are set amid a forest-y landscape of green trees

The first azaleas to bloom are the red ones, the last are white. At any one time, several colors are in full riot, but the mix changes every day.

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NEZU SHRINE, Nezu

This shrine in Northern Tokyo is one of my favorites in any season, but (duh, I’m sure you can guess) it’s famous for its azaleas.

How do they get them to bloom like that? Kind of amazing, isn’t it?

The added bonus of seeing the azaleas at the Nezu Shrine is that you can also walk through their tunnel of torii gates.

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RIKUGI-EN GARDEN, Komagome

Rikugi-en has an “azalea mountain” that is planted in all different colors, but they’re allowed to grow in a more natural style.

The azaleas at Rikugi-en are more like nice surprises than an ambush, as you stroll through this beautiful garden.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

World’s Worst Popsicle

If spaghetti-flavored ice on a stick isn’t the world’s worst idea for a snack, I don’t know what is. But, in an act of supreme self-sacrifice, I tried it, so you don’t have to!

Supposedly, the “Napolitan Rich” Gari-Gari contains pockets of tomato jelly, but I was unable to detect them in the short time the instantly-regretted bite spent in my mouth. Because the human brain has an unfortunately fast response time when it comes to taste, I can report that it delivered all the saltiness and spaghetti-like qualities of leftovers that have been languishing in a tupperware behind the ice cube tray for a month, mixed with unexpected (and definitely unwelcome) sugary sweetness.

Unless you have taste buds of steel, don’t try this at home. +_+

The worst decision I’ve made in recent months.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Fashion Statement From Another Dimension

You know how there are whole books filled with people wearing weird outfits on the streets of Tokyo, and you think yeah, sure, they probably shot all those outside some fringe-y fetish fashion convention? Well, they didn’t.

p.s. Yes, this is a dude.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Sorry, I Can’t Hear You, There’s A Person In My Ear.

Which is weirder – that someone designed earplugs that make it look like a little person is making herself at home in your ears (EWWWW!) or that you can buy them from a vending machine?

I’m especially fond of the one that makes it look like she’s diving in one ear and out the other!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.