Pamela Reynolds's Blog, page 34

Stop Self-Doubt and Build Confidence

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt Many times we allow others to dictate the rules and pass judgment on us. Of course at work our superiors do it all the time. The problem is bosses are not always correct in their conclusions of our work or behavior. Why one boss finds our work very good while another condemns it is frustrating.  It is because like everything else, it is subjective. My idea about how to go about building something will most likely differ from your ideas about a structure.  The person who gets to dictate is the person with more power.  This does not mean they really have a better plan. It simply means they have the control over the rules. When one dictates the procedures, one also dictates the desired result. Even if we follow someone else’s guidelines, there is no guarantee of the outcome. The only guarantee is that we will take the blame if we are not successful. The truth is many people are diminished and insecure because others fault them at work or in any group project or situation. The result is devastating to the person blamed, who begins feeling inadequate about everything they attempt.
                We might think about the child on a sports team who is rarely played, so his job is to warm the bench. He loses precious time to improve his ball skills while the players who get more field time advance impressively. What happens is the athletes playing regularly build their confidence while those players who frequently sit out most of the game, build their self-doubt. At times this can carry over into other areas of their lives. Adults who have trouble getting along with the boss are in the same situation. They can’t seem to get it right or improve whatever their boss is recommending. It would occur to any thinking person that it is not deliberate and the person is attempting to please their boss. After all they don’t want to lose their job. Curiously the insecure person doesn’t know how to get off of the damaging path they are treading.
The person becomes subordinate, has self-doubt and low self-esteem. These feelings add to his or her dilemma. What this person might have attempted before their insecurity fills them with fear. They are already under scrutiny and can’t afford to make any mistakes. They begin doing everything by the rule book without any thoughts of good or bad. In the end they fail totally because the odds have been successfully stacked against them. The sorry part is that they are now diminished as a person and innately feel like a failure. They have lost their self-confidence and desire to try anything new. It carries into all areas of their lives and we now see a depressed person.
At one time this person was relevant and viable and had some self-worth. They felt competent at making decisions. The point is they are still the same person. They simply allowed themselves to be defined as a person, by somebody else. This definition is far removed from who they really are and what they truly are capable of doing. They need to understand this or they will dive into a full blown depression. It is amazing the power one can wield over another without permission. It is astounding that people would hurt another so deeply without a care. If a boss is upset with someone’s work, they might simply get a mentor to intervene. They also might help the person with suggestions in a kind manner. Firing someone or ripping them apart is loathsome. There are other ways to deal with a person that would yield better results, keep their confidence intact and aid the workplace in the process.
Our attitudes, looks, age and personalities unfortunately enter into decisions others make about us. We may not be able to control these matters. What we can control and must control are our own beliefs. Our character is known to us and a higher being. Just because another person ranked higher in the job sphere does not mean they can dictate who or what we are. We must believe in ourselves and our abilities and leave no room for doubt. Having confidence and feeling adequate does not mean we can’t accept criticism and input from others. Even the boss has crossed the line if we feel subordinate, stupid, incapable and immobilized. It really is our choice to refrain from believing this defines us. We are so much more than that. We are so much more than others even know about us. We might have to learn new things but we are capable of learning. Given the correct tools advice and help, we can accomplish much.
If we are uncomfortable in a work situation, we might think about switching areas within a company, switching hours or teams or attempting to find employment elsewhere. We always have choices. We should never feel boxed in. When we believe we have no alternatives, is when we shut down. Look around and search for your answers. You might team up with another worker. Ask others to help or take a refresher time but don’t ever lose your value. All the wonderful things you do, can do and will do are lost if you give up on yourself. One person or one group’s interpretation of what you are is ludicrous. Step back and put the whole scene into focus. Sometimes change is good and might be the right thing to do. We can’t be afraid to step out into the unknown and take the chance. If we reflected we might realize things would not be any worse and they might just be better. Build your self-confidence and trust your own delineation of who you are. "Don't be afraid to take a big step if needed. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." Anonymous"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Dr. Martin Luther King

How to Raise Heroes and Defeat Rule Breakers

 
“Friendship is the only cement that will hold the world together.”
I wonder how many people admire rule breakers, or are inspired by them. At times we perceive them as courageous. The truth is they are seekers of a moment of fame. Recognizing what fame is helps us to understand who deserves it. There will never be any mention of those people who deserve a bit of fame for taking care of their neighbors. Such people watch out for them when the wife is left alone when her husband is on a business trip. Kindness is when an older woman is left widowed and has a house to shovel out or a yard to clean. Kindness is when a neighbor gets a prescription for a sick neighbor. These people are not all friends; they just care about a fellow human being. That is altruistic. They are not looking for anything in return nor do they expect anything in return.
These are the famous people. These are the ones media should be focusing on. They make the difference in people’s lives. How many people volunteer time and commitment to others? This goes unnoticed. What we read about, what make headlines and what gets a person on television is the rule breaker. The person who allows their child to talk back to a teacher because they got their feelings hurt will be all over the news. The person who allowed their child to hold onto the wheel of the car even though the child was underage will be front headlines. The people who kill others because of a job loss or broken heart will have their story printed across the country. What happened to doing the right thing just because it is the decent thing to do?  The altruistic people will be gone because we are valuing something far different.
We are not encouraging our children to help for the sake of helping. We are not teaching our children to take responsibility of a duty and complete it without a lot of praise. Most of us live by the directives, pay me and I’ll do it. Yet there are real heroes all around us. How we began honoring sports heroes and television heroes when their ideals are anything but virtuous is ludicrous. Although there are many in sports that live good lives there are just as many who seek the limelight and without scrutiny, are offered up as a role model. The problem is they have little to offer regarding ethics.
If media continues to give these people even a moment of fame, we will continue to witness the eye catching exploits of those with less than desirable morals. Maybe it is time to refer to the rule book and give praise where it is deserved. I know when we die we will all reap what we have sown. If we chase after elusive people and tenuous items we may find ourselves in a place that is not so beautiful. It may be time to teach our children the power of just being an honorable person. Teach our children the importance of doing something for no repay. The person who will let you pick the first donut, share the last cup of coffee in the pot, help you finish shoveling, and drive you to work when your car broke down, volunteer at soup kitchens, collect money for a charity, volunteer on a fire department  is the real hero only he or she doesn’t know it. Stop idolizing the rule breakers, and those that really care more about themselves and their glory and money. Ask yourself this question, if you needed help which person would you want standing beside you.
“Not in the clamor of the crowded street, nor in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, bit in ourselves are triumph and defeat.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Avoidance Keeps the Confrontation Going.

 
 “The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.” Thomas Carlyle
At various times we have a conflict with a friend or relative. It is common and is usually the result of either person having a bad day. For a variety of reasons we fail to mend the quarrel. The longer it takes us to amend the clash, the worse things get and the more uncomfortable we feel. What began as a disagreement mushrooms into a battle and then war. Neither party wants to confront the opposing foe. Both partners have their pride to maintain and or their determination to prove they are right. The ongoing struggle is enhanced because our next step is avoidance. You would think that avoidance would create a period of reflection and a desire to correct the problems we have with a friend or family member. This is usually not the case. If we do any reflection at all and if we become consciously aware of having any guilt in the matter, we will run away from our opposition in order to maintain our conviction of our innocence. Most likely neither side is without blame. Even if there are degrees of blame, we can still agree to disagree and let an issue dissolve. The majority of the time we choose avoidance which only hurts both of us, continues the hostility, and eats away at our conscience. We might be relaying our innocence to others yet wonders why we cannot sleep at night. Strangely enough, avoidance will promote alienation and an almost hatred feeling will fester inside of us. Even if we are beginning to admit to ourselves, our own guilty part to the conflict, we begin to fault the other person for the continuance of the disagreement.
We avoid the person because we realize it was a stupid argument and we are uncomfortable to have put ourselves in such a situation. It was blown out of proportion.  Apologizing is not a choice because it would be humbling. It would make us appear weak. We are genuinely confused about our desires to fix the problem, without losing face, keeping our pride intact, and gaining back some peace. We are never sure about how it will go if we attempt the first approach. If we get rejected we will feel worse about the whole mess. In the end we back down and miss the opportunity.
By avoiding this person, we don’t have to make any decisions. In avoidance we are decimating a once happy relationship. We are paying a dear price for our pride. We must stop avoiding our opposition.  By being thrown together at work or gatherings, we have the chance to manage and work things out. Most of the time both people involved in the disagreement is sorry.  It is difficult to figure out how to go about making peace. When people are in close quarters, they tend to have more opportunities to fix a broken relationship. The prospects are better and appear to arise without any help. We discover our foe trying to carry a heavy load. Our offer to help washes away a lot of the mud we both slung. We offer a tool or advice to our angry friend.  We both laugh at a joke and find ourselves agreeing with each other. It is easy to repair differences when we are in the vicinity of the other person. The closer we get to human contact, the easier it gets to resolve the disputes. Suddenly we see our friend or sibling again instead of a stranger. We even wonder how and why it happened. We are glad it is finished and are watchful it doesn’t happen again. We go home, feel good and sleep soundly.
“He that never changes his opinions, never corrects his mistakes and will never be wiser on the morrow than he is today.” Edward Tryon
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Herbert V. Prochnow  
Author’s website: www.pamreynolds.me

What Everyone Ought to Know About Happiness

 
“Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.” Rabbi Harold Kushner
So many of us seek happiness and no matter how much money power or fame we achieve, it eludes us. Money can make our lives complicated. We purchase more material objects with our money and they break down and need to be fixed. We buy more tickets to movies, theatres, and traveling places and it basically eats up our time and energy. It isn’t that we don’t enjoy our money or the places we visit. We find ourselves sitting in a chair the next day wondering why we don’t have a big smile on our faces and brimming over with happiness. Instead we are exhausted and want to spend time alone.
Sometimes we strive to spend more time with others we care about, but they are so busy, they have little time to give us. This can make us feel unimportant to them. Searching inward we come to terms with the notion they don’t care about us as much as we care about them. It isn’t a good feeling and it doesn’t bring any happiness. We make new friends, join more groups or clubs, change our hair style, and buy new clothes and attempt to change our mindsets. Many times we end up alone and wondering what we did wrong and why are we unlikable.  The more we do for others, the less they reciprocate. When we need a friend we can’t find one. At times we think we have a giant target on our backs that says deplete me it’s okay. Others appear to have it all together. Maybe if we had more money or a better job or good friends or lived closer to family, things would be different.
We become more introverted and negative. We have little to say to others and they respond with quick retorts. Hasty responses begin to arise and we become consumed with feeling sorry for ourselves. Being so caught up in this state of mind, we completely ignore those standing beside us. We are after all suffering so much more than they are. The tunnel is dark and gloomy. We can’t find our way out. There is no one willing to help. Inadequacy in everything we get involved with is the norm.
Happiness has little to do with money, fame or friends. It truly is what we lite inside us. There is no measurement for fame. Maybe we are the hero in a young child’s eyes, or the one friend always depended upon by another. We may be the example of what a good neighbor is or the example to a stranger of what a kind person looks like. If we are constantly caught up in our own shortcomings and woes, we are unaware of what’s going on around us. So much is happening in front of us that we need to stop turning inward and look outward. We are missing so much of life if we don’t.
Some people who have more than enough money are not a bit happy. Some people with little money couldn’t be happier. Observe the dynamics of this situation. Happiness comes from our frame of mind and possibly from the parameters we set. If we believe we must have a certain amount of money to be happy or certain material gains then those become our restrictions for happiness. Break down the parameters and you allow yourself to be happy. If we feel we need to travel to faraway places to find happiness then again those are the restrictions. Tear them down and you can find pleasure walking in your neighborhood and chatting with the neighbors. When a person believes they would be more appealing if they had a better figure or fancier clothes, they have set their guidelines. Rip up the guidelines and really let the real you shine. Your personality is what gathers attention. Your clothes and figure get the first look but they cannot sustain a grumpy attitude. Suffice it to say you can start an exercise regime to help with the weight.
Happiness is not necessarily about being around those we love best in the world. It can be about loving those we are with. The secret to happiness has to do with Contentment with who we are and what we have. Contentment is the key word. That is what powers happiness. If we are content, we will be happy and we will be tuned into others and the world at large. Contented people come from all walks of life and from all economic levels. It is when you own the objects but they don’t own you. You can find pleasure in others and not limit yourself to a chosen few. If you limit yourself then you have shut out a multitude of people and you basically become a snob and prejudiced person. Only those you have approved of can be your friends or be close to you.
When so many people are searching for love and acceptance it appears to be apparent that there are a lot of caring people looking for friendship. Don’t limit yourself or your power to love and be loved. We all really experience the same doubts, problems and fears. Just about all of us cover them up because we don’t want to display our weaknesses. None of us wants to appear vulnerable. Begin today to feel cheerful inside. Start with counting your positive good blessings. When you begin mulling this over, I would be surprised if a smile was not forming. Don’t let that smile or good feeling evaporate. Remember to begin each day reviewing what you should be thankful for. You will already be full of contentment and things can only get better.
“Happiness is the art of making a bouquet of those flowers within reach.” Anonymous
   

Release a Burden by Admitting You Were Wrong

“Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond a doubt that they are right.” Laurens Van der
“I am sorry,” are three little words that are very difficult to say. It is kind of a mystery because we are all so quick to say we know we are not always correct and we don’t always do the right thing. We have no problem admitting we have made mistakes in the past yet in the present it is a different story. It is as if we are a different person and unwilling to admit we were wrong to the person in our vicinity. The earth may shatter if those three words are spoken. How many of us will admit we were partially at fault. We manage to do this a lot. It helps us to know that the other person needs to accept a piece of the fault. It allows us to admit our mistakes in the matter. As sorry as a person might be, they will turn the other cheek if their foe will not take any fault in the matter. Their apologies will be short lived and most likely they will be on the attack mode again.
               One wonders if we have a sense of inferiority when having to admit we were wrong. I think it has to do with the fact that we all get hurt when in a disagreement with another. As a result we are trying to justify why we acted the way we did. We can’t admit total blame because we need to make the other person realize what they did to us. It always turns around to our own hurts. We need to be justified in our poor behavior like we had a right to act poorly because we were emotionally injured. Maybe we were totally having a bad day and this other person said or did something that irked us and caused us to remember past injuries or experiences of injuries. The volatile situation takes off. We do not want to appear vulnerable so we accuse attack and practically force another to take some blame. Because most of us are probably guilty of some blame in the matter, we usually accept our share and both parties walk away renewed and absolved of any wrong-doing.
               What is most refreshing and cleansing for the soul is to admit total guilt now and again when we have legitimately caused the problem. It is powerful and actually lifts one’s spirits above what they were. Total acceptance is like baring one’s soul to another and lowering oneself. Somehow in this process the opposite is attained. By lowering oneself to another, you become lifted and more regal. Magic happens because the other person is surprised, impressed and sometimes ends up admiring your courage.  I am not suggesting anyone do this without belief in their own faults and belief in taking the higher road. The results are usually a meltdown of the barriers we create and a more honest and open discussion. The façade is not needed. We do not have to save face. There is no embarrassment to avoid. In such an atmosphere so much more is achieved. Being ourselves is easier, conflict is lessened, listening is heightened, and this reflective experience allows us to understand more and work towards a positive solution. It is never easy to say we are sorry. It is almost impossible to admit we were wrong. But when it happens we are rewarded with such a release of tension and anger, we are usually never sorry we did it.

The Secret Of Aging.

'It's one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Unless we die first, we are going to age. The choice then is death or aging. We don't really have a choice. We acquire what happens first. My grandmother always said,"Sure Pam old age is not for the weak or faint hearted." She was right on the mark with those words. One thing about getting older is the contempt youth has for the aged. It is almost as if the aging person lost their mind. How perplexing in a cultured society, to hold old age with such disdain. We practically hide our elderly away. The older people get, the less questions they are asked and the less value we place on their opinions or thoughts. They become the recipient of the jokes and snide remarks. How much lost wisdom and untapped information we disregard. Young workers are valued and rightly should they be. They  are privy to the most up to date knowledge available. Their opinions are appreciated and they are asked to be the presenters of information on many occasions. On the opposite end we have the aging worker who is bypassed for the promotion simply because he is older. That  gray hair and steadier walk give rise to the notion that he is a slacker, slower, not as quick witted and less of a thinker. It's probable he has already thought some things out long ago and arrived at the conclusions his younger colleagues haven't yet thought about. He is composed because he knows that 'Haste Makes Waste' as the saying goes. The older worker is actually more patient because he knows what it is like to have a bad day or have a  bad pain in his leg. He is more tolerant because he has needed others to wait for him to find what he misplaced. He is not as aggressive because he knows in the end that team work is more important than sole honors for a moment of glory. He is more forgiving because throughout his longer life there were times he was in a position to need forgiveness. He has been there done that and is now passing it forward. The older worker is less proud because he is more aware of the numerous people who have out done his best efforts. He is also less arogant because he is now more aware of the feelings of  those he has bested.  The younger worker might have tunnel vision whereas the older worker has the whole picture. It doesn't make us better or worse. It simply tells us we should value all people. If we disregard our older population as less of a contributer to society, we sell society and ourselves short. We are an interwoven quilt that is worn on the inside and stronger on the outside. The quilt would not be useful without the inner and outer pieces. The older generation holds us together while the younger generation moves us outward. We need both. If we had more regard and respect for the older generation we might have less need for nursing homes. As younger people we might learn the value of kindness, tolerance, patience, understanding, respect empathy and forgiveness long before we reach old age.
"Success is not measured by what a person accomplishes, but by the opposition they have encountered, and the courage with which they have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds." Orison Sweet Marden 

Avoid Controlling Others With Force;Attempt Diplomacy

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein

Evolving into our own person requires strength of character and confidence in our own abilities to make decisions. Others can unwittingly destroy the seeds of self-esteem planted within us. People assail mastery over others with or without consent. We must realize that with power comes responsibility. We teach our children to include others and to share and take turns when they play, yet we, as adults, at times like to exclude others we don't deem desirable to our standards. We hate to take turns. We at times like to have it, do it, make it, and force it our way. What we teach our children is what we need  to emulate in our own behavior. If we ask ourselves where the other person's freedom is to pick and choose and do and make, we might understand the discrepancies in our thinking. How would we feel if we were the person always taking what was left? Social intelligence is acquired through thought  processes. But if we don't take the time to think then we will never arrive
 at the socially moral answers.
Unchecked  power and control breeds the destruction of others. Bosses pressure their workforce to perform. If the workers do poorly it is on the workers shoulders to face the consequences. If the workers do well the boss gets all or most of the credit. When people work as a team, the outspoken person gets most of the credit even if all were involved in the discussion. The promotion goes to the loudest wheel. In most interviews, the timid person is the loser. We like aggressive people and we feel confident in their power and control. In a true emergency  it is the thinking person who makes the right decision. Many aggressive people might be thinkers but not all thinkers are necessarily aggressive. Having power over another commands us to nurture and aid those we influence.
Mothers-in-Law have the ability to manipulate their sons and Daughters-in-Law can easily bias their husbands beliefs. The man who is caught in the middle between two powerful controlling systems, potentially loses his power completely and might then be blamed for his weakness. We don't see ourselves in any of these struggles. Instead we disdain a peaceful answer as weakness. Fear and guilt are two traveling buddies we can call upon to make our cases when we want the control. At that  point we have lost our reflective process and our humanity.
A  worker cannot function forever out of anxiety and self-reproach. In a relationship of any kind, the constant pressure of proving our loyalties becomes tedious and burdensome. In the end everyone loses. The boss gets less from his worker because the worker gives up on the possibility of ever pleasing his boss. The husband gives up his attempts at a peaceful co-existence for his wife and mother. This in turn causes less attention and  support to our children and ourselves and an atmosphere of friction.
The answer might simply be to avoid controlling others. Directing and collaborating is fine.  Compromising and discussing alleviates anger and promotes a calmness to the situation. Anyone can feign toughness, loudness, forcefulness and belligerence. Most of us will step out of the way. It takes character, social intelligence, insight and respect for others to work in the opposite direction and bring a positive solution to a vexing situation. The result is an overwhelming uplifting of your whole self and a lightness of mind and body to an altruistic state. Moral elevation is worth more than any award or promotion one could ever receive.
"The highest reward for a person's toil, is not what they get for it but what they become by it." John Rushkin 

"Some tension is good for the soul to grow, and we can pu...

"Some tension is good for the soul to grow, and we can put that intention to good use. We can look for every opportunity to give and receive love, to appreciate nature, to heal our wounds and the wounds of others, to forgive and to serve." Joan Borysenko, from Handbook for the Soul

Hi
I keep coming back to fear because more mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law ask questions that are basically loaded with their fears. they do not specifically say I fear this or that but it blazes through their questions. DIL's fear losing control, measuring up, and losing their husbands love or worry about being number one. MIL's fear losing their son and grandchildren, and losing their sons' confidence in them because of feeling undermined with truth stretching. I think that love, jealousy and power are the culprits. We don't have to be a MIL or a DIL to want these things. We are too  wrapped up in power and control. Once we understand how little control we have over anything in our lives the calmer and happier we become. Just because someone has the power doesn't mean they have the best answers nor the respect. We don't seem able to learn that power is within and when one has it we have no need to flaunt it or use it to rise above anyone else. Real power lifts another above oneself. teal power is without jealous tendencies and comes to someone's aid not because they are a friend or family but because they are another human being in  need of help. Power is the ability to love all others and to see our connections to others. If we treated everyone like family, there would be abundant support for everyone. No one would be hungry, hurt or in emotional pain. If we can cross the line, we won't be drawing any lines that prevent others from crossing. Most of us live in small worlds. Until we see the world differently we will continue to have issues with each other. There is enough love to go around for everyone to share. We don't need to consume it all ourselves. We don't have all the answers nor are we always correct in our thinking. It takes less energy to simply get along and strive for peace than it does to declare war and fight for control. If there isn't really any control then what did we fight with our DIL or MIL about? Fighting within the home releases negativity which causes us to fight among neighbors, states, and countries. The answer might be simple. Let go of power and control urges, jealousy and fear passions, and worries and frets. Your whole being will be lighter, you'll smile more, you'll observe, hear, see, and feel more. You will carry so much less baggage and your conscience will be clear. I know which option I will choose.
"Do a little more than you're paid to. Give a little more than you have to. Try a little harder than you want to. Aim a little higher than you think possible, and give a lot of thanks to God for health, family and friends." Art Linkletter

Stop Being Human & Become Humane

"A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." Benjamin Franklin
"The work of the individual still remains the spark that moves mankind forward." Igor Sikorsky
"Character is the total of thousands of small daily strivings to live up to the best that is in us." Lt. Arthur Trudeau

I am of the opinion that when we die we will be judged not so much for all of our wrongdoings but for all those times we did not step in to help another person we saw in need of help. This might sound crazy but we worry so much about the fact that we never hurt anybody, we never yelled or called another person any  names. We never acted aggressively towards anyone or cut someone out of a line or acted prejudice towards another person. We have a sure pass to heaven. We live our lives thinking we are better than  the screamer or drunk or cranky neighbor. We pity their faults. many of us live our whole lives believing we are trying our best to be good and we are "good". The problem is we are not spiritual. We are not even humane. If we haven't taught our children more than to say please and thank you we are not even respectful. We might just be selfish self contained proud and possessive. Wow that is a lot to think about and most of us at the moment are saying I definitely don't fit in with that group. Unfortunately many or most of us do possibly most of the time. It is time to wake up. Time to stop kidding ourselves. We listen possibly to religious leaders talk about what  you should  not do to others. We should not steal, envy, or hurt another to name a few. Do we hear what we should do for others? I think that is what we will face judgement on. We are on our way to work and get a  call from a friend early in the morning. We know they probably are looking  for a ride and we have driven them before. We are late and don't want to get them and we don't have the time. Give yourself a check. The wife or husband must take them and they are very late and get into  trouble with their boss. It goes against them when they are up for a review and a pay raise. They go home that night and fight with their spouse.
We are in a bad mood. We are visiting with relatives. We wait for the usual retort from the relative who always says something stupid. We contradict them and prove them wrong. They sit quietly after that and we're glad because we don't care to listen to them anyways. Give yourself a check. We don't get to see it  when they go home and flop into a chair and cry. They blubber how stupid they are and how they should just keep their big mouth shut. They are up all night, drag themselves to work the next day and snap a mean retort to anyone who asks them a question.
Our parents are old. We haven't called them in at least a week. We don't feel like calling them now. We know the routine. We'll hear how much they miss us and why haven't we called. We'll listen, tell them how busy we are, apologize and promise to call sooner the next time. We know we won't but that's okay we have our lives to live and we are busy. We hang up the phone and quickly turn on the game and think to ourselves I hope I didn't miss much. Another check. We miss the part where our parents are happy we called but their eyes are glistening in the light because they miss us and miss hearing from us. They hope they didn't offend us with the remarks about calling them. They hope we'll call again soon.
We look out the window and see our neighbor trying to catch their runaway dog. They look mighty stupid. We see their dog in our back yard but it's cold and we don't want to go outside.  besides the dog will take off as soon as we go outside. The dog heads for the street and gets hit by a car. We shake our heads at them and say people like that shouldn't own dogs because they don't know how to take care of them. Take a check. We  missed the part where their child's friend came over to play and upon leaving opened the door wide enough for the dog to slip outside. Now the child is in tears because he blames himself for the dog's mishap.
The young mother drops her bag of groceries behind her car. We are already in our car backing out and driving away. She scrambles to pick them up as her toddler in the car unlocks her seat belt. the mother rushes to control the toddler and some of her groceries roll under her car and of course she is unaware of this. She heads back to her groceries and misses a few. She then goes home only to find important items missing, one of which is something her husband requested. She explains, he listens but is not moved only upset that she didn't get what he was waiting for. Add the check.
The snow was deep and the old guy across the street was attempting to shovel a path for himself,  to the mailbox. you ask yourself, where are his kids when he needs them. They are lazy you think. The checks are adding up. The young mother  is dragging in her barrels, while her toddler is yanking on her pants. You hesitate but she can handle it she's a grown up besides where is her husband anyways. The list goes on to more severe instances and to the lesser humdrum incidences. We are not bad we are good but we are unaware of the harm or the hurt we cause another by not being more attentive to the needs of others. Hopefully our conscience will kick in when we see a person in need. That way we won't be able to pass off doing nothing in such situations. Instead we will be moved into action because we are becoming more humane.
"You are the way you are because that's the way you  want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now. " Fred Smith
"If what you believe doesn't affect how you live, then it isn't very important." Dick Nogleberg

Are you consumed by fear or thriving without anxiety.

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions ; both dispense with the necessity of reflecion." Jules Henri

Fear can and does take over our lives. Chunking down our fears shows us they are unfounded in almost every situation. Let's face it, we are paying a terrible toll for what most likely will never occur. We may pity the person who is afraid of heights or afraid to go into crowds yet we don't notice our own shortcomings regarding fear. We fear another's  getting the better of us so we top what they say. later we regret what we said and question if we should have said it and Wonder how the other person took it. How is that for a domino effect of worries. It might be easier for us all if we make a conscious attempt to think before we speak. Once we've spoken we need not wonder about it's worthiness or repercussions if we spoke from the heart and not the hip. If we speak from the heart we have not intentionally harmed  anyone. If a person reads more into what was said then maybe they were meant to take it that way and it might have been a good thing. Later when we are trying to fall asleep, we won't be bothered by nagging thoughts of if we did this or that and was it good or bad. Try to always think first and then have no regrets. If you are later proven wrong about something go from there adding thought before you speak again. If we fear losing love of any kind question why. Do you think the sun will  not come up again? Do you think no one else loves you or you will not ever love anyone else? Do you want to control that person rather than just love them? In our hearts there is room to love many others. We don't have to  be the only ones filling another's void. Others have room in their hearts to love many people. The more love we have the more love that comes back to us and the better person we become. So why fear sharing love. Why fear losing love. If we respect and nurture our love it should always thrive and we should always have it but not in chains. Anything we have to lock up is not ours and will escape us when it can. Fear of change is a very big fear for all of us. Change is something we can always count on. Again one must think of change as a chance to add more experiences and people into our circle of love and friendship. People are not for the most part, scary. We need not fear a job change. There is always the quiet person, the know it all, the loud ones etc. It is as if we never left the previous employment. Finding love and friendship in one place should give us hope of finding it in many other places. We all want acceptance and people to love respect cherish and count on. Our goals are the same in many ways. Stop fearing the unknown and think of it as already known. Truthfully we are aware of things about ourselves that would never measure up to another's however we also have things about us that no one else can measure against us. that is a fact because we are so unique. Besides as I often say life is not a competition. Life is an awesome learning experience. Somehow I don't think our higher being is worried about how much technology we've learned or how many school books we've memorized. I believe we will be judged on just how much love we have learned to give regardless of what comes back to us in the process. It's about giving our hearts away time and again to others. In that way we learn to love ourselves. In loving ourselves we can love others more and risk more. We all have the power so don't fear,  just go on out to face the world and always give it your humble loving best.
"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness makes you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build it anyway. People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you've got anyway."
Anonymous