Gary Goldstein's Blog - Posts Tagged "recovery"

I hope you are all enjoying this holiday season, and made sure to pause for a moment or two to remember the victims of last month's shooting massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut.

Life is so fragile, and should never be taken for granted.

With a new year now upon us, why not take stock of your life and make a list of all the things you want to accomplish in 2013 to insure it is your best one yet?

In addition, by beginning your day with a workout, you will gain an incredible sense of satisfaction that nobody can ever take away from you.

You will likely have increased energy and a pleasant demeanor for the remainder of the day, and people will notice it.

Regardless of what you do for a living, or how you spend your time, always remember that true happiness is based on how one feels inside, as opposed to how big of a house, how fancy a car, how much jewelry, or how many designer clothes one owns.

For me, personally, I had to experience - and cause - a lot of pain before realizing all of these points.

But the main thing I always tell myself, and hope others will also latch onto as well, is that it is never too late to change or be a better person.

What do you want to change about your life that you are not happy with?

Hopefully, not much, or nothing at all, but if there is a thing or two that you would like to improve upon, now is the time to start implementing your plan.

By just doing a little bit at a time, you will undoubtedly reach your desired goal sooner than you think.

I continue to deliver motivational & inspirational speeches based on my book, "Jew in Jail," and assist other recovering addicts deal with their disease, and get such satisfaction out of helping my fellow human beings

I will end by wishing all of my readers, and everyone associated with Goodreads - as well as their families - a very Happy & Healthy New Year.

Please remember to be nice to one another, and treat yourself well too.

You are all worth it.

Many of us are working in jobs that help pay the bills and provide us with enough money to have all of the material possessions we need to support our families and loved ones.

But how many of us truly do what we love and what makes us happy?

Do you toil around in a job and stare at the clock all day waiting for 5:00PM to arrive?

Or are you completely fulfilled and content, doing what you love and not considering it work at all?

Personally, I have always worked in my chosen field of broadcast and print journalism, and loved every minute of it.

The problem, however, was that I did not love myself, which caused me to develop low self-esteem and self-confidence, which, in turn, led to addictions, and later on, a stint in prison.

http://www.myaddiction.com/lifestyle/...

Now, however, nearly nine full years removed from the latter, I am into the next stage of my life, which consists of helping others through my book, “Jew in Jail,” http://www.jewinjail.com/, and delivering of motivational & inspirational speeches to those trying to recovery from alcohol, drugs, gambling, and other addictions.

We all have the right to be happy in life doing whatever it is we choose to spend our time doing.

If you are honest with yourself, you will know, deep down, if you are happy in life, and achieving enjoyment and fulfillment on a daily basis.

Hopefully you are, but if you aren’t, there is always time to seek changes to rectify the situation.

After all, who better than you deserves all the best life has to offer?

Saturday marked nine years I have been home from prison, and being a free man is something that only those who have spent time behind bars can truly understand and appreciate.

Not being required to ask such simple questions, such as when to go to the bathroom and shower, or what time is permitted to visit the library or get exercise, is just the tip of the iceberg.

For me personally, I have more than merely the physical freedom that release from incarceration restored.

I am now more at peace with myself, comfortable in my own skin, loaded with self-esteem and self-confidence, and able to live my life as I want, as opposed to being a follower, which I was for so many years in the past.

However, perhaps best of all, I am clean & sober, and using what I have learned about myself and the disease of addiction to help others with their own recovery.

I only wish my beloved late father, Irving Goldstein, was alive today, in order that he could see that I finally started to do things right, and that everything my father always used to tell me from his own experiences, and the values he instilled into me, are something I rely upon so much each and every single day.

My book, “Jew in Jail,” will forever be dedicated to my father and how much I love and respect him for always being there for me, and I will continue to do my best to honor my father’s memory by living a fruitful life, including helping others.

Never will I take anything in life for granted, from the simplest of things such as a bright sunny day, to enjoying the company of family and friends, to my own health and well-being.

If it is true that the best things in life are free, then I would have to consider myself a multi-billionaire!

Let's face it. We are all recovering from something, because, if we weren't, that would mean we are perfect, which none of us are.

To many of us, admitting we are recovering, or "in recovery," tells the world we are weak. However, I think it is just the opposite, and it demonstrates the strength necessary to realize that sometimes we need to get ourselves a "tune up," and take stock of our situations.

I have now been clean and sober for five years, seven months and 23 days, but am still in recovery from addictions to alcohol, drugs and gambling.

What's more is the fact that I realize that my recovery doesn't come with a finish line, and I will have to monitor it on a daily basis for the rest of my life.

But that is just fine with me, since it helps keep me on my toes.

Perhaps the best part is that I choose to help others who are also saddled with this disease, and, by doing so, reinforce my own dedication to remain clean and sober.

Therefore, I view it as a win-win situation.

So, what are you recovering from?

Alcohol, drugs and compulsive gambling like me, an eating disorder, too much shopping, an uncontrollable sex urge, or something totally different, like constantly being down on yourself and living with low self-esteem?

Cheer up, because I am here to reveal to you - if nobody has ever told you this before - that you were born with greatness and unlimited potential.

Yes, you read me correctly. You have the innate talents and abilities to succeed at so many different things, if you only believe this too, and give yourself a chance.

You might be great at singing, dancing, fixing automobiles, fashion, mathematics, making people laugh, photography, or, dare I say, writing!

The point is that you must surround yourself with positive, supportive people, who aren't going to bring you down to their level of pessimism.

You also must believe in yourself, and that there is nothing in life you cannot accomplish, if you work hard, stay focused, and remain dedicated to the task at hand.

Remember, you were born to leave your mark in this world, so start doing so today!

We are all waiting!

Today, I bring you the fifth chapter of my book, “Jew in Jail.”

It was time to go to big, bad Rikers Island, and see if I was ready to spend time with the toughest detainees New York City had to offer!


5. THE MOVE TO RIKERS ISLAND

Even though the next day was Saturday, I was taken on the first bus headed for Rikers Island in Queens. I remembered being there once before, about five years earlier, but only for a week until my parents posted bail. This time, however, I knew that I wasn’t going to get out that soon.

I was full of anxiety during the forty-minute ride, and wished that I had some Valium to calm my nerves.

“Boy, do I really need this program,” I mumbled to myself, since I still had trouble coping with stress without trying to medicate my feelings.

As the bus pulled up to the prison, the first thing I thought to myself was how big and intimidating the whole place was. There was building after building, for what seemed like miles, completely surrounded by razor-sharp barbed wire. The bus finally came to a halt at C-73, the George Motchon Detention Center (GMDC), and we all got off and were taken to another bullpen to be processed all over again.

Since it was 3:30 PM, which was right in the middle of count time, when the jail does a tally of all the inmates—a security measure conducted at least five times every single day to ensure that no one has escaped—I knew that it would be several hours until processing was completed and I was finally taken to my new housing area—or even longer, depending upon the mood of the C.O.s. So I found a good spot to sit down and rest, full of anxiety over how I would fit into my new surroundings.

After we were fed dinner and handed a used pillow, pillow case, blanket, and two sheets (a “set up”), the C.O.s started to call names. One by one, we approached the C.O.s’ station, but just to see if we wanted to change our private access telephone code, which enabled us to make our two free daily calls. We didn’t have to be photographed again, strip-searched, or anything like before, which was a huge relief. Our I.D. cards from the Tombs were also good at Rikers Island, so that saved time as well.

Finally, we were led out of the bullpen, and ordered to proceed in one straight line.

This place is more strict than the Tombs, I thought to myself, so I better just pay attention and follow instructions. It was obvious that—being white, and Jewish, no less—I stuck out like a sore thumb, so I didn’t want to bring any more attention to myself than was absolutely necessary, in order not to be herbed (ridiculed) by the C.O.s, as well as the other inmates.

Slowly, but surely, each man was dropped off at his new housing unit, and the line, which began at thirty-five or so, was now down to just me and two other guys.

I was really starting to get nervous now.

Is being brought last over to the new housing unit a good or bad thing? I wondered.

I didn’t remember too much about the week I spent there five years earlier, which wasn’t in the drug program part of the jail, so this felt like a brand-new experience. And I continued to keep to myself and maintain a low profile, rather than asking another one of my fellow detainees for any information.

Finally, it was just the C.O. and I, walking the halls of Rikers Island. He was a big black man in his thirties, and I needed to take two steps just to keep up with his one.

“Officer, do they have a law library here?” I asked, understanding full well that I had a lot of work yet to do on my case.

“Yeah, we have two of them here,” he responded in an authorative, deep baritone voice, more out of obligation than anything else.

“What about a place to get clothes?” I boldly inquired next, figuring it was the perfect time to hit him up with another question.

“You can go to the clothes box on Monday when it opens back up,” he said. “Just ask the officer in your housing unit to call for you.”

Then I asked him the obvious question, one that he must have heard a million times on the job.

“Can you tell me where I’m going?” I sheepishly said.

“Let’s see,” he answered, looking over my paperwork. “You’re going to Sprung 2, which is the orientation house for the S.A.I.D. (Substance Abuse Intervention Division) Drug Program.”

“Oh, okay,” I replied, as if I actually knew what that meant.

We were walking outside to get to my destination, and the C.O. offered me one more piece of information without my having asked.

“This is a self-help program,” he revealed. “There’s less restriction on you guys out here, and you have more flexibility to move around. If you do the right thing for yourself and participate, your counselor will do things for you and it can only help you with your case.”

“I will, I will,” I fired back, as if he were also the judge, rather than just a decent correction officer who took some time to offer me hope and encouragement. It was right then and there that I realized that most C.O.s aren’t too bad. I knew that, just like on the street, if you wanted respect from someone, you had to show them respect as well. I figured that the reason the C.O. treated me like a man was because I handled myself well the entire time we were together.

I was still nervous, but at the same time, was also looking forward to being in the S.A.I.D. program, feeling that it was one step closer to coming home.

Finally, we arrived at the sprungs. There were six of them, all looking like giant army tents or tennis court bubbles. I walked into Sprung 2, and the C.O. gave my paperwork to the officer on duty. It was 7:30 PM, Saturday, June 20, 1998, my seventh day of incarceration.

What I saw, in my eyes, at least, wasn’t jail.

There was bed after bed after bed, all lined up in a dormitory-style setting, indeed like an army barracks.

One half of the dorm was the area where the program meetings were held, complete with stereo, television, VCR, and chairs. There was one large shower area, ceiling fans everywhere, a small fence around the entire circumference of the dorm to hang clothes on, and signs on all the walls pertaining to drug and alcohol rehabilitation.

There was some sort of a meeting taking place at the time. But it wasn’t drug and alcohol related. It was recreational—“Saturday Night Live”—and I was about to take center stage!

After the inmate in charge of logging in new arrivals gave me a brief rundown of the S.A.I.D. program and its rules, all eyes were on me. I was called up to the “stage” by a guy named Mike, who was the night’s “host.”

Mike was a dead-ringer for Wesley Snipes, almost like a twin, and I felt at ease with him immediately.

“How ya doing? My name’s Mike and I’m the host of the show tonight,” he said. “Tell everybody your name, where you’re from, and what you’re here for.”

“My name’s Gary, I’m from Brooklyn, and I’m here for robbery,” I responded sheepishly to my forty-nine new roommates, many of whom were sporting doo rags of one color or another on their heads in an attempt to look like real gangsters.

“And what do you hope to get from this program?” Mike asked.

“To stop drinking and taking fucking drugs!” The audience quickly erupted into cheers and applause to show me their support.

I was starting to feel good.

“Gary, do you have a joke for us?” Mike asked. “After all, this is Saturday Night Live.”

“Yeah, I have a joke for everybody,” I shot back. “You see my head?” I bent over and exposed my ever-expanding bald spot. “This is a real joke, huh?”

With that, everybody exploded into laughter. I had become the star of the show, and felt warmly accepted into the group. I knew then that I had made the right decision by signing that paper to come over from the Tombs.

After that, I went over to the telephone, a no-no during program hours, but okay for new arrivals, and called my parents to let them know that I was more than alright where I now was. They were at my sister’s house on Long Island, so I was able to speak to my sister, brother-in-law, niece, and nephews as well, and for just a moment, had actually forgotten that I was still incarcerated. I spoke to my family as if I were calling from some nightclub in Manhattan. I was relatively happy for the first time in quite a while.

My parents and I decided to tell anybody who called for me at home that I was away working in Washington, D.C. I didn’t want my friends to know that I was actually in jail.

After taking a shower and making up my new bed, I introduced myself to the guy lying down next to me.

“I’m Willie Maisonette,” he responded to my greeting. “If you have any questions about anything, just ask me.”

Willie was an older Spanish gentleman from the Bronx, who looked like he had been in the “system” most of his life, which, in fact, I would later learn he was. I also found out that in all his years, he had never even gone to a baseball game at Yankee Stadium or any other live sporting event, for that matter.

His five-foot, eight-inch body was covered from head to toe with tattoos he had gotten from all of his time spent in prison. But he was kind, and I trusted him. No matter what somebody may have done in their past, when you have to cohabitate with that person for a while, you build up a certain relationship, and for Willie and me, things would be no different.

Willie informed me that linen change was every Wednesday at 5:30 AM, and taught me how to make up my bed the correct way each morning, which most inpatient drug treatment programs are very fussy about. He also showed me how to fold my blanket military style, which was a requirement in the program, and otherwise showed me the ropes and made me feel quite at ease.

Sprung 2 was very different than the Tombs.

To begin with, it was a huge dorm, rather than individualized cells. There was a larger shower area, a bigger day room, and, most importantly, four drug, alcohol, and lifestyle meetings each weekday, and two each on Saturdays and Sundays, for a total of twenty-four group sessions every week, which I knew that I needed.

Since Sprung 2 was the orientation house for the S.A.I.D. Drug Program, I was only allowed to stay there anywhere from seven to twenty-one days. Then, like everybody else, except the guys who were helping to run the program for the counselors, I would be moved to one of the other five sprungs, each alike in structure and composition.

There was also one more major advantage to being in the sprungs on Rikers Island, as opposed to the Tombs in lower Manhattan. The sprungs were outside, apart from the rest of the inmate population, who were inside in various buildings throughout the facility. Everyone who was in the sprungs had to first be cleared as low-classification, meaning that they were less of a security risk to try to escape or otherwise cause trouble. There were three separate hours of rec a day out in the yard, where there were basketball courts, a track, and another sprung full of weight machines, ping-pong tables, and other games to play. And chow was served in yet another sprung—the mess hall sprung—so that with eight total sprungs outside, the whole setup looked like a Mash unit for detainees.

Being that Rikers Island is literally right next door to LaGuardia Airport, the constant sights and sounds of airplanes taking off and landing took some getting used to. However, since I lived with the never-ending rumbling of subway trains in Brighton Beach for over thirty-five years, it really was no big deal for me. In fact, I kind of enjoyed going to the yard every morning at nine just to see the airplanes take off and soar by directly overhead, wishing that I could somehow leap up and grab onto the tail of a plane and be transported away from my incarceration.

The yard also offered a beautiful panoramic view of the New York City skyline. I could easily see the World Trade Center, the Empire State Building, and just about the rest of Manhattan from beyond the East River, which was the only thing that separated me from my freedom. That, plus the charges of robbery and resisting arrest that I was still facing!

Since I love to write, and also help others, today's post is all about dispensing advice.

I may not know everything, and have surely made my share of mistakes in life, but over the past five years, nine months and four days, I feel like I have finally "righted my ship," and am now able to help others who might not currently be at their best.

I am clean and sober, working hard to promote my book, "Jew in Jail," speaking at meetings, writing this blog, consulting with clients over the phone, and am now ready, willing and able to devote some time to handing out advice on any subject that comes up, if anyone chooses to email me at Gman18NYC@aol.com, or contact me via this blog.

There are no topics off limits, and nobody should feel embarrassed about revealing whatever it is that is either bothering them, or they are having issues with.

I have been on both sides of the fence: from successful journalist and television producer, to New York State prisoner, and am now back, as an author, blogger, and motivational & inspirational speaker, focusing on recovery from addiction, and know the value of having someone take another under their wing and show interest in helping that human being out.

We all have unlimited potential to be anything we desire in life, but sometimes obstacles occur that cause us to doubt ourselves and our ability to overcome them.

That is where I come in, and hope to provide the support that you need to get you back on track from this temporary delay on your road to greatness.

So put your pride in your pocket, and let me in.

I want to help you realize your full potential, and live the best life you possibly can.

You are definitely worth it!

If you haven’t read my book, “Jew in Jail” yet, I hope you do.

It is chock full of insightful information on how I was able to recover from my past addictions to alcohol, drugs and gambling while incarcerated, and go on to lead a happy and healthful life myself.

http://www.jewinjail.com/

Until next time, everyone, have a great day, and week ahead!

Without a doubt, these past five years and nine plus months have been the best of my 51 year life so far.

Recovery has helped me reclaim my life, self-esteem, self-confidence, and purpose for being.

Even though I nearly died of an alcohol and drug overdose way back in 1989, and then also spent nearly six years incarcerated as a result of my past addictions to alcohol, drugs and gambling from 1998-2004, it wasn't until I woke up on the morning of October 31, 2007, and decided that I had finally had enough of the never ending maze that my life had turned into.

I was ashamed and embarrassed that, although I possessed a college degree in journalism and had worked for many prestigious media companies in the Tri-State area, I had succumbed to the disease of addiction.

However, not long after entering the Coney Island Hospital Chemical Dependency Outpatient Program, I learned that I was human and that recovery was indeed possible.

Today, after having graduated from the program in 2009, I am now the president of the alumni committee and speak to the current clients there, as well as recovering addicts at other programs, hospital detoxes, jails, schools, etc., and understand the importance of giving back to share the message to those who are still sick and suffering.

I also speak about the book I wrote while incarcerated, titled, Jew in Jail, to reinforce the fact that it is never too late to change, and that there is absolutely no shame whatsoever in asking for help.

Being clean and sober feels great - not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually - and provides me with the peace of mind and tranquility that is priceless.

Never will I take anything in life for granted, from a beautiful sunny day, to seeing children playing and enjoying themselves without a care in the world, and I owe it all to those professionals who work in the field, as well as the thousands of other grateful recovering addicts who share their stories and allow me to share mine too.

If there is one piece of advice I can give to those reading my story now who are still in the grips of addiction, it is to always keep in mind that, no matter what troubles you may be going through at any particular time in your life, someone else has already experienced the same problems and difficulties, and was able to persevere with the help of others and move on to lead a healthy and productive life.

In recovery, one is never alone, and I encourage those who are still battling this disease to always seek out someone to talk to, because keeping things bottled up is never the correct strategy.

In closing, this recovering addict wants everyone to know that they possess greatness, and no matter what anyone did in their past, it does not have to define who they are as a person.

Live recovery one day at a time!

If you haven’t read my book, “Jew in Jail” yet, I hope you do.

It is chock full of insightful information on how I was able to recover from my past addictions to alcohol, drugs and gambling while incarcerated, and go on to lead a happy and healthful life myself.

http://www.jewinjail.com/

I also always welcome comments from you, my readers, about my blog, book or website, because receiving feedback from you is what drives me to be my best and help others.

Until next time, everyone, have a great day, and week ahead!

I had such an amazing time at the 2013 Rally4Recovery this past Saturday in Providence, Rhode Island, which I attended with my friends from the New York State Office Of Alcoholism And Substance Abuse Services, that I can hardly believe it was actually real, as opposed to simply a great dream!

Everyone was so polite, happy, cordial, and on the same page as far as keeping the focus on recovery and giving back to those who are still struggling with this terrible disease.

I spent hours walking around the venue - Roger Williams National Memorial Park - and met and snapped photos with so many terrific people, listened and danced to the live music, basked in the sun, and just took in everything that was happening around me.

Of course, addiction does not only affect "regular" people, but the entire world population, and there were many celebrities, who are also in recovery, offering their support to the cause as well.

I spent time with former Rhode Island Congressman & Grand Marshall Patrick Kennedy, former Heavyweight Boxer "Gentleman" Gerry Cooney, and former National Basketball Association star Chris Herren, among others, and they were all as humble, gracious, and just as adamant about lobbying our elected officials to increase public funding to help fight this disease as anyone else who is involved in this field would be.

Being clean and sober myself now for nearly six years has enabled me to see things from a different perspective, and I can say, without a doubt, that life is what we make of it.

The fact that people are inherently good, especially those working to promote recovery from addiction, has reinforced my own feelings on human nature, and that sharing and caring is far better than using and losing!

I, nor anybody else, can ever go back and change our pasts, but at least if I can make a difference in another recovering addicts' life and help someone suffering from the disease of addiction get better, then I will have been able to take a bad personal situation and use it in a positive way to assist another human being.

Every life is precious, so whether it is the disease of addiction, or any other ailment, don't we all owe it to one another to be there to lend support?

Think about that the next time you see a man or woman who is having a hard time in life.

Let your conscience guide the way!

Ever since getting arrested and finding myself incarcerated for nearly six long years back in 1998, I decided right then and there to make a change.

I wrote my book, "Jew in Jail," while serving my sentence, and it was unbelievably therapeutic in helping me cope with my situation and get my life back on track.

http://www.jewinjail.com/

These days, in addition to continuing to promote my book and write this blog, I also deliver motivational & inspirational speeches at drug treatment programs, hospital detoxes, jails, schools, etc., in order to help other recovering addicts and those with low self-esteem and self-confidence live a better life.

In addition, I eat healthy, and wake up at least five mornings a week, no later than 6am, to work out twice and help keep my body in as good a shape as my mind, since balance is crucial for optimum happiness.

What I have really been trying to accomplish, ever since getting "Jew in Jail" published, is to secure a book signing at a major bookstore, like Barnes & Noble.

I am happy to announce that I have finally done just that!

I will be appearing at the Barnes & Noble in Poughkeepsie, New York, on October 19th at 12:30PM to sign copies of "Jew in Jail," as well as meet people and hold a discussion about what it was like for an alcoholic, drug addict, and compulsive gambler to do time behind bars and gain recovery from his past addictions.

I don't mention this as a "feather in my cap," but only to draw attention to this disease and show others that what happened to me - a college graduate with an excellent family, and professional career going in broadcast journalism - can happen to anyone, because addiction doesn't discriminate.

The more I talk about my experiences, I feel the more I can obviously help others in a similar situation, and this way, turn what occurred to me into something positive.

September was recovery month, and I spent it traveling to rallies, fundraisers and meetings, and did as much as I could to get the message out that getting better from this disease is possible, and one need not go down that same path as I did, which included going to prison, before deciding to seek help.

In the days, weeks, months and years ahead, I will continue to do everything I can to spread this message.

I hope people will listen!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If you haven’t read my book, “Jew in Jail” yet, I hope you do.
It is chock full of insightful information on how I was able to recover from my past addictions to alcohol, drugs and gambling while incarcerated, and go on to lead a happy and healthful life myself.

http://www.jewinjail.com/

I also always welcome comments from you, my readers, about my blog, book or website, because receiving feedback from you is what drives me to be my best and help others.

Until next time, everyone, have a great day, and week ahead!

Yesterday marked six years that I have been clean & sober, and while I don’t really make a big deal out of it myself, I know the significance is the fact that other people in recovery can benefit by realizing that change IS possible – one day at a time.

When I was incarcerated from 1998 to 2004 in various correctional facilities in upstate New York, I started going to many Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Gamblers Anonymous meetings because I was so disappointed with myself and upset over getting arrested for robbery, which I knew was a direct result of my past addictions to alcohol, drugs and gambling.

However, I had reservations about whether or not I was actually going to remain clean once I came home a free man, and, sure enough, about 18 months after that day finally arrived, I did suffer a relapse.

Fortunately, though, I woke up on the morning of Wednesday, October 31, 2007 (the fact that it was Halloween was a mere coincidence), and decided right then and there that I had enough of my destructive lifestyle, and finally wanted to change!

I am proud to say that I have not only refrained from using since then, but also amended other aspects of my life for the better as well.

My temper is under control, I think things through first, rather than acting out impulsively, I don’t litter, I always have a smile on my face, and perhaps, sweetest of all, I continue to spread the message of recovery to those who are still sick and suffering.

It may have taken a very long time, but I now realize that I am not responsible for my disease, but am responsible for my recovery.

Obviously, I can’t turn back the hands of time and undo the pain and aggravation I caused myself, my family, and so many others, so the next best thing is to try and be the most honorable person possible every single day going forward!

In closing, one final point I want to stress to all of you reading this right now is that, regardless of how you are feeling inside, NEVER keep things bottled up.

Either talk to someone in person, reach out on the phone, or at the very least, write down your feelings on paper.

And continue to be the role model you have become for so many people – even if you are not conscious of this fact yet yourself!