D.C. Pierson's Blog, page 8

My co-host Eliza Skinner and I are re-launching our stand-up...

My co-host Eliza Skinner and I are re-launching our stand-up show Magic Bag as BIG MONEY and our first show (which is FREE) has an obscenely good lineup. Come through!

bigmoneyla:

First Show! 

It's my birthday, and all I want...

…is for you to pre-order my upcoming book CRAP KINGDOM so I can put your name in a custom rap song.

More info here:

http://dcpierson.tumblr.com/post/29844676340/pre-order-my-next-book-crap-kingdom-and-i-will-rap

Thank you.

Attention Popular Scientists

You know those pop-science books about like, neurology and music and decision-making and whatever? I’d read one called “Round And Round It Goes: The Science Of How When You Have One Really Dirty Piece Of Clothing In A Load Of Laundry The Crap From It Doesn’t Just Get Transferred To All The Other Clothes In That Load.”

I suspect it may be one page long and that one page may just have the words “Soap, dummy” in the center of it.

"Things Change"

Yo, thing on a tiny screen that I also check my e-mail on, that I’m only half-paying attention to because I’m also chatting with my roommate here in this fully lit room and also periodically clicking over to Facebook, enchant me the way my grandfather was enchanted by something on a literal SILVER screen fifty feet high, while sitting in the mystic darkness surrounded by his silent neighbors, next to his best gal, admitted into this space by tickets they had to wait in line and pay for, in a time before attention spans were smashed into a thousand glittering shards like a magic jewel in a fantasy book!

And if you don’t, I am going to leave SUCH a mean comment!

"The Worst Person Ever"

When dealing with the worst person ever,
we hesitate to say, “You’re the worst person ever!”
for fear that the worst person ever will turn it back on us and say,
“No, YOU’RE the worst person ever!”

We know we are not the worst person ever.
The worst person ever is the worst person ever.
But we’re worried that when the worst person ever says,
“No, YOU’RE the worst person ever!”
we may actually start worry that on some level, it is true.

But of course we would start to worry.
Only decent people every worry
about being the worst person ever.

Just drove by a guy taking a picture of a fireplug with a camera that cost more than my car.But it...

Just drove by a guy taking a picture of a fireplug with a camera that cost more than my car.

But it makes me feel better to know that that artsy photograph will probably change the way we look at things that are boring.

Because of the Internet,now everything must dance.

Because of the Internet,

now everything must dance.

I explain my movie-shushing technique. This is an outtake from...

I explain my movie-shushing technique. 

This is an outtake from the marvelous Julia Marchese’s forthcoming documentary OUT OF PRINT.

"Here Is What You Will Need"

Here is what you will need:

1) two rooms
2) a girlfriend that whistles

Because when you are in one room
and your girlfriend is whistling in another room
you will feel as though you know the meaning of life,
and you will,
because you’re in it.

Guilty Of Not Being French

I long to have the whimsical simplicity of a French New Wave character, to have a tiny apartment with just a few interesting items in it, and a window that faces another apartment building populated by people that are always doing something sexy, surreal, or both, and who don’t seem very into the concept of blinds.

Instead my apartment looks like the setting of a reality show called “How Many Pieces Of Mail Can You Not Open Before They Throw You In Prison?” and the window looks out on to a backyard where old men of unspecified heritage who are always sitting around a table smoking and drinking, and while that’s cool enough, it’s way more Drab Czech Crime Drama than it is French New Wave. 

They also have a dog. It mostly lays in the sun but sometimes, they give it a bad haircut.