Sonia Marsh's Blog, page 39

“My Gutsy Story” by Sherrey Meyer

MAMA AND HER ARSENAL

 

To say my family was dysfunctional is a mild use of the word.  My father was raised in an orphanage where little affection was demonstrated, so he was tentative with his affections.  Mother was Scotch-Irish and full of spit and vinegar.  Mama was incapable of disciplining in moderation or controlling her temper.  Fear was a required ingredient in punishments meted out, as well as threats of physical contact and verbal abuse.

Memories come floating back often, but remembering her threats of suicide ranks high on the list.  When at her angriest, Mama threatened to kill herself if we didn’t comply with her demands.

Measuring up in our world wasn’t to see how much we had grown in height; it was to gauge our responsiveness to Mama’s demands and expectations.  A report card with less than all A’s and just one B was never good enough.

“Is this the best you could do?  You want to appear stupid?  This card could prove that! ”

A sense of being loved because you were her child was never felt.  Self-worth was a casualty of her battles to be a mother.

Therefore, not all my decisions were good ones.  I married young to escape life with Mama.  Unfortunately, I married her counterpart.  After five years and a child, life was less than tolerable.  I yanked up my courage and left, but went back to my parents’ home allowing Mama to resume her domineering role.

During this time of single parenting, a trusted employer and friend helped me to look forward rather than back.  He understood the inner workings of my home life, and often counseled me much like a father would.

The one thing I took away from this friendship was the knowledge that somewhere there was someone who would love me just for me.  After years of trying to please and measure up, this sounded impossible.

After eight years of single motherhood and hard work, I met someone.  Someone with gentleness much like that of my father.  He too had experienced a failed marriage and between us, we had stories to tell.

When we announced plans to marry, we were met with Mama’s rage.  Although 34 years old, I still had no more worth than when I was a child.

Sherrey Meyer’s mom on Amherst

Mama fought to stop our marriage.  Angrily she argued, “How can you possibly think of marrying this man?  He’s been married and has two children!”

“Mama, I’ve been married, divorced, and have a child myself.  What’s the difference?”

“Don’t sass me!  You think you’re smart because you went to college.  I have more life experience, and you’re not taking my grandson into the mess you are creating.”

I quickly rebounded.  “I suppose you forget that I am a child of a blended marriage.  You and daddy were both married before.  You had a son; he had two daughters.  Show me the difference now!”

My words were like a spark held to a pilot light.  Her emerald green eyes blazed, and her jaw locked in determination.  I didn’t care this time.  I had had enough.

I knew exactly what was coming.  Mama pulled out the old and often used “I’ll kill myself if you don’t do as I say” routine.  No matter how often used, it was still frightening but by now I should have known it was an idle threat.  Still my heart pounded.  My palms grew sweaty.

I walked into the kitchen and found her there with a butcher knife in her hand, pointed at her chest.  Mama yelled, “You can’t do this to me.  If you do, I’ll kill myself!”

Now was the time to let her know I was her equal and my life was mine to live.  I took a bold step to show that I was not going to be cowed by her threats.

“Go ahead,” I said calmly.

“You can’t mean that.  I’m your mother.  You’re supposed to love me enough to stop me.”

Her emerald green eyes flashed with vile anger and a vicious desire to control.  Did she not realize loving her wasn’t easy?

“And you’re supposed to love me.  But I’m not sure you’ve ever thought about it.”

She inched the knife closer to her body as if ready to end her life.  But I could see her fear as I felt my own.  I thought to myself, “No more scrabbling for love.  No more control like this.  Understand?  No more!”

Chief among my fears was that my son would climb out of bed and find us in this standoff.  I didn’t want him to witness such a scene.  Quietly, I took small steps toward her as you’d approach a wild animal.

“Mama, you don’t want to do this.  You can’t be willing to give up everything and not see your grandchildren grow up.”

At this Mama began to cry.  Slowly, I removed the knife from her hand and breathed a sigh of relief.  Her cries turned into sobs.

I felt a power I’d never felt before, but I was afraid it wouldn’t last.  I placed my arms around Mama’s shoulders and held her until she calmed enough to turn in for the night.

Foolishly, I thought perhaps there was a change in the wind.  But change isn’t easy.  There would be more threats, more attempts to forestall our marriage.  And as long as she could get a reaction from me, Mama would continue on as life had always been.

Two years after we married a job change took us to Oregon, putting 2200 miles between Mama and me.  Distance made it difficult for her to use physical threats.  However, her verbal assaults continued over the phone.  With time and the compassion of my loving husband, I understood this was her problem and not mine.

Sherrey Meyer and her husband

I believe that bold step in the kitchen decades ago and seizing my life for my husband, son and me provided the different vision of who I could be as I looked into my soul.

Sherrey Meyer Bio:

A retired legal secretary, Sherrey Meyer grew tired of drafting and revising pleadings and legal documents.  She had always dreamed of writing something else, anything else!  Once she retired she couldn’t stay away from the computer, and so she began to write.  Among her projects is a memoir of her “life with mama,” an intriguing Southern tale of matriarchal power and control displayed in verbal and emotional abuse.  Sherrey is married and lives with husband Bob in Milwaukie, OR.  They have three grown children, four grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren.  Their tuxedo cat, Maggie, rules the roost.

You can reach Sherrey Meyer on her websites:  and Letters to Mama; or Tweet her @Sherrey_Meyer, or connect with her on Sherrey is also on LinkedIn.

Sonia Marsh Says:

I cannot imagine how you must have felt growing up with the psychological games and threats of suicide by your mother. Did your father try ever try to stop her from this harmful behavior? Thankfully you met a wonderful man and stood up for yourself. How sad that she didn’t change after that one “gutsy” life-changing  incident. Thank you Sherrey for opening up and sharing the ugly followed by the good in your life.

Please leave your comments for Sherrey below. She will be over to respond. Thanks.

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Do you have a “My Gutsy Story” you’d like to share?
To submit your own, “My Gutsy Story” you can find all the information, and our sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here.

Click on badge to read the 4 stories

VOTE for your favorite June  “My Gutsy Story.” The voting ends on July 11th.  The winner will be announced on July 12th. Winner gets to pick their prize from our 14 sponsors.

Please share these wonderful “My Gutsy Story” series with others on Twitter and other links below. I am grateful to all of you.  Thanks, Sonia.

Gutsy Book Buzz: How to get endorsements + more

 

Honeymoon with my Brother by Franz Wisner

If you’re like me, you probably think it’s impossible to get endorsements from busy authors, especially from a NY Times bestselling author. Well I have news for you: it might be easier than you think.

I’d like to share a few ideas that worked for me.

Identify the authors
Send a well-crafted query
Follow-up.

The best way to be successful is to start a relationship with an author a year or two before your book comes out.

Volunteer at a library or a writers’ networking group where they invite authors to speak. Introduce yourself to the author, buy their book, chat with them, and give them a little something to remember you by. I would say, “Please remember the Gutsy woman who moved her kids to Belize.” They would usually remember Gutsy and Belize.
Review their books on Amazon. To stand out from the crowd, make your own video review. Here’s the Amazon video review I did for Susan Pohlman’s book: Halfway to Each Other: How a Year in Italy brought our family home.

Here’s another one I did for Lan Sluder, Living Abroad in Belize. I was fortunate to get wonderful endorsements from both of them.
If you really like an author, suggest an interview, or write about them and do something different, like a video of what you find fascinating about them, and how it relates to your own theme. In my case, I love the writing style of author, Nigel Marsh–no we’re not related. His theme is the work/life balance, and after watching him speak on a TED video, I sent him a link to my video post.

One year later, he sent me a LinkedIn message about his next book to be released in August: Fit, Fifty and Un-Fired, and I said I’d love to promote it for him as I’m a huge fan of his first book: Fat, Forty and Fired.

When you send your query, remind them where you met them, or if you wrote a blog post about them. If you don’t know them, look for their contact information online and go for it.

Keep it short.
Be friendly, explain that you realize they’re super busy, and how you hope they can help.
Show them you’re familiar with their book, (I sent links to my video reviews of their book) and connect to a common cause.
Explain how you have similar audiences, and/or a similar message. I wrote about how my family did something  “unconventional,” just like yours did.
Ask them if they would like to receive a few suggested endorsements, which your editor has prepared for you. (I had 15 ready to go, just in case.)
Inform them of when you would appreciate an endorsement by, if they have time.
Follow up with a gentle reminder, a week before your deadline, to those who agreed to review your book.
Don’t take it personally if an author does not agree to endorse your book. They are probably very busy, or on their own book tour. Always remember to be polite. They are doing you a huge favor.
Make sure to thank them for the endorsement and offer to send them a copy of your book when it’s available with a thank you note inside.

I sent out twenty queries to authors and journalists, and I would say 80% asked me to send them my ARC (Advance Reading Copy-not for sale) or the pdf.

So far, I have received five endorsements, and I’m waiting for more.

Below is an example of one letter I sent out:

Hi  (Name of Author),

I contacted you a year or so ago, and as a writer, I’m a huge fan of  (Your Book)

I posted a video review on Amazon if you’d like to see it.

As you may remember, my family did something “unconventional” like you did with your husband, son and daughter. We uprooted our family with three sons, and moved from a five-bedroom house in Orange County, to a hut on stilts in Belize. Not only do we have California and moving our families in common, but the same audience and the fact that we both wanted to “heal” our family.

I realize you’re super busy, especially organizing your writers’ retreat this October–it sounds and looks like an amazing place–but it would mean so much to me if I could get a mini endorsement from you on my upcoming travel memoir: Freeways to Flip-Flops: A Family’s Year of Gutsy Living on a Tropical Island. The ARC’s will be ready on June 20th and I would like to expedite a copy to you, unless you would prefer to receive a pdf version, which I can send now.

I can provide some endorsements if this would make things easier for you.

Warm Regards,

Sonia

I am so happy to have received two fabulous endorsements from authors I admire.

Franz Wisner

 

“Sonia Marsh and her family give new meaning to the term “flipping out!”  Sombreros off to them for showing us the roads less traveled can often be the most rewarding — even when our trips don’t go as planned.”

 – Franz Wisner, New York Times bestselling author of Honeymoon with My Brother and How the World Makes Love.

 

Lan Sluder

If you’re dreaming of escaping to a tropical island, or to any foreign land, don’t miss Sonia Marsh’s candid and vivid recounting of the ups and downs of life abroad. Part adventure tale, part romance, part family saga and part travel guide, Freeways to Flip-Flops is a memoir that reads like a novel.

 –Lan Sluder (Easy Belize, Fodor’s Belize, Living Abroad in Belize)

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Sorry this is so long, but I want to thank Jason Matthews for interviewing me, as well as many indie authors on his Monday night show: Indie Authors on Hangoutnetworks.com

Connect with Jason on Facebook here, he is a fabulous host and I hope you contact him about his show, and also his book, How to Make, Market and Sell Ebooks – All for Free.

Video of Indie Authors:

“My Gutsy Story” by Bob Lowry

What started as a terrifying failure ended up being a defining moment in the life of my family. The decisions my wife and I made at that time of high stress affected everything that followed.

In 1982 our young family was living in Salt Lake City. Our home overlooked the Great Salt Lake, with its flaming red and orange sunsets and storm clouds roaring in from the west. We felt comfortable living here. Unfortunately, things at work were not going as well. I was employed by the broadcasting company owned by the Mormon Church. That wasn’t the problem; it was my inability to work well in a large corporate structure that kept getting me in hot water.

After finally admitting to myself it was time to find a different job, I accepted a position to run a new research company for a small but growing broadcasting company located in Tucson, Arizona. I would have a major say in the success of the research division and the growth of this company. The challenge was exciting and the lure of no more snow was powerful.

From the first day things began to fall apart. One of the key people I had hired changed his mind and decided to immediately go into competition with us. The grand plans to build a major broadcasting group faltered and quickly crashed. By this point a fair amount of money and time had been invested in the research division. But, without the radio stations it served little purpose. So, five months after moving to town I was fired.

Suddenly I was faced with every breadwinner’s nightmare: two very young children and wife, a new house in a new city far from any family, and absolutely no source of income. Since we had just moved from Salt Lake a good chunk of our savings had been spent on the move and all that entails. The job I left behind was no longer available.

After a week or so of panic, I settled on the only logical thing I knew how to do: start my own consulting business. I developed a budget for all the printed materials, a business phone line, post office box, and marketing expenses. Then I began making the rounds of graphic design businesses, copy shops, and office supply stores to figure out what I had to do to produce business cards, stationery, proposal booklets, and all that goes with a new endeavor. Since this waswell before personal computers and the Internet, I was completely dependent on others to come up with a logo and package that looked professional. The total costs were substantial and bit even more deeply into our dwindling savings.

Next were calls all of the people I had ever worked for to let them know I was now on my own. I sent letters (there was no e-mail) on my expensive new stationery and followed up with more phone calls. I poured over a 500 page directory that listed every radio station in the country. I picked those I thought might consider giving me a chance and made almost daily trips to the post office with stacks of proposals and plenty of prayers.

Weeks, then months passed with no positive response. This had to work. We couldn’t afford to move and we couldn’t afford to stay without a steady income. We had decided early on my wife would be a stay-at-home mom with the kids and changing that would be a desperation move.  I remember quite clearly that first year we pledged to not go to the shopping mall. The temptation to spend money we didn’t have was too great. We didn’t go out to dinner for that year either, choosing to stay home and consume lost of macaroni and cheese and casseroles.

Finally, two small radio stations responded. The amount of income wasn’t enough for much more than our monthly food budget, but at least there was a positive response. I redoubled my mailings and calling. Every time a radio station was mentioned in one of the trade newspapers I’d send a note to the manager hoping to raise my visibility. Slowly, a few other stations became clients, partly due to my experience but maybe more so because of the bargain- basement rates I charged.

Almost a year to the day after losing my job, a major radio station in a large east coast city called and asked me to meet with them and make a personal pitch. Scared out of my wits and knowing that this was the one break needed to save the life my family was trying to build, I flew east and met the executives. By the end of the next week, I had their signature on a contract. While still not nearly enough income to cover all our expenses that station’s hiring began to open the doors.

Within the next year, the business began to show a small profit. A few years later I was handling over thirty radio clients and had become one of the better-known figures in the radio consulting business. Eventually I consulted over 200 radio stations. Things were going well enough that I could retire in 2001 at age 52 and began to enjoy my satisfying retirement.

When I think back to the loss of that job and being faced with the greatest challenge of my young married life, the reason for success was simple: I had no Plan B. I was trained to do nothing else. I had a family depending on me to make something work. I also had a wife who believed in me and kept telling me it would happen while mending the kids clothes for the umpteenth time and getting hand-me-downs from others to keep herself clothed.

The lessons learned were ones I used in every area of my life from that day forward: belief in myself, perseverance, support from my family, and a strong faith in God. A dash of luck and being in the right place at the right time didn’t hurt either.

 

Bob Lowry Bio: is the founder of the #1 blog for Satisfying Retirement information

Building a Satisfying Retirement e-book now available from Amazon: click here

Also included in new book “65 Things To Do When Your Retire”


As featured in Money Magazine, on CNNMoney.com and PBS’s Next Avenue web site

Please join Bob Lowry on Twitter   and Facebook and Google+

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Sonia Marsh Says: What a remarkable story of how perseverance and staying “Gutsy” paid off. The first statement that I copied from your story is one that resonates with many people, and reminded me of  Chris Guillebeau and his following of people wanting to escape the “Cubicle” world.

“it was my inability to work well in a large corporate structure that kept getting me in hot water.”

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 Do you have a “My Gutsy Story” you’d like to share?

To submit your own, “My Gutsy Story” you can find all the information, and our sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here.

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The next VOTING for your favorite June  “My Gutsy Story” started on Thursday June 28th, and ends on July 11th.  The winner will be announced on July 12th. Winner gets to pick their prize from our 14 sponsors.

Please share these wonderful “My Gutsy Story” series with others on Twitter and other links below. I am grateful to all of you.  Thanks, Sonia.

Vote for your favorite June “My Gutsy Story”

 

It’s time to vote for one of your 4 favorite “My Gutsy Stories”, and once again, they are all fantastic.

From June 28th until July 11th midnight, PST, you can vote for your favorite June 2012, “My Gutsy Story.”

To VOTE, please go to the poll on the right  side of this post. You will find it on the sidebar listing the names of all 4 “My Gutsy Story,” authors.

Here are the 4 stories. Only ONE vote per person.

June 4th:

First of all we had Doug Edwards with his story about how he decided to change his life at age eleven.

Doug Edwards

June 11th:

Marla Cerise

Marla Cerise went through many tragedies in her life and how she was able to survive them.

June 18th:

Jeffrey Crimmel

Jeffrey Crimmel

Jeffrey Crimmel shares his important message: “We are only visitors in another country and have to respect their traditions and not attempt to impose our own. ”

June 25th:

Madeline Sharples

 

Madeline Sharples

Madeline hopes that her story will inspire others to find ways to survive their own tragic experiences.

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Do you have a “My Gutsy Story” you’d like to share?

To submit your own, “My Gutsy Story” you can find all the information, and our sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here.

Please share the “My Gutsy Story” series with your friends, fellow bloggers and other writers by using the buttons below. Thank you.