Eva Márquez's Blog, page 6

From Chapter 22

Tom was inside his truck, which had been home to many hours of our lovemaking. Next to him was a petite blonde girl, half-hidden from view. The blonde figure seemed to shift closer to Tom, and then, before I knew it, the truck was driving off.

A sharp pain shot through my chest, and I failed to breathe. Moments after watching Tom drive away with his new girl, I broke down, sobbing, full of revulsion and heartbreak. Every last inch of my body felt the loss. I had ended the relationship, and it had broken my heart to turn my back on him, but that had been different; that breakup had been on my terms. This feeling of being replaced was utterly heart wrenching. I was powerless against the wave of emotion that rushed over me.

For the first time in my life, I felt truly and wholeheartedly deceived. I had known that I still loved Tom, and missed him, but I hadn’t realized how deep that love still went. And with one simple stroke, one terrible decision, Tom had ripped the love out of my heart and sent me plummeting down an endless chasm of pain. How could he do this to me? After all I had given him! My love, my devotion, my virginity! The most meaningful years of my life! All I could hear in my head, over and over again, was one phrase: please, please tell me why?

From Chapter 22:

Tom was inside his truck, which had been home to many hours of our lovemaking. Next to him was a petite blonde girl, half-hidden from view. The blonde figure seemed to shift closer to Tom, and then, before I knew it, the truck was driving off.

A sharp pain shot through my chest, and I failed to breathe. Moments after watching Tom drive away with his new girl, I broke down, sobbing, full of revulsion and heartbreak. Every last inch of my body felt the loss. I had ended the relationship, and it had broken my heart to turn my back on him, but that had been different; that breakup had been on my terms. This feeling of being replaced was utterly heart wrenching. I was powerless against the wave of emotion that rushed over me.

For the first time in my life, I felt truly and wholeheartedly deceived. I had known that I still loved Tom, and missed him, but I hadn’t realized how deep that love still went. And with one simple stroke, one terrible decision, Tom had ripped the love out of my heart and sent me plummeting down an endless chasm of pain. How could he do this to me? After all I had given him! My love, my devotion, my virginity! The most meaningful years of my life! All I could hear in my head, over and over again, was one phrase: please, please tell me why?

From Chapter 7:

I realized suddenly that I had gone from one extreme to the other in a few weeks. That was a mistake, and people were bound to notice. I couldn’t backtrack now, though – the damage was done. What was I supposed to say? “Yeah, I’m staying away from Mr. Stevens because I don’t want anyone to know I’m making out with him after practice” would never do.

“You know, he was pretty cool at first,” I replied as nonchalantly as possible. “But one day I was late for practice and he made me go to the diving pool to swim laps. I’m not going to hang around with him if he’s going to be such a jerk, you know?”

That answer must have been good enough for Vicky, because she lightly tapped my shoulder and then jumped into the water to swim off. I laughed as I watched her swim away; she was doing the butterfly – badly – and bumping into other swimmers as she shimmied from side to side down the crowded lane. My smile faded, though, when I realized that she was probably voicing what everyone else had noticed as well. My sudden change of attitude had been just that – sudden and unexpected – and people were going to wonder why. I had to come up with a better story, and quick, or change my behavior again and hope that no one else said anything.

I wasn’t sure which option was best, or which would cause me more pain. Our late- afternoon rendezvous were becoming more and more intense, and my senses were becoming fragile. When I walked toward his classroom, now, I knew that there would be more physical contact, with less clothing. We hadn’t gone all the way yet, and Mr. Stevens was always very careful about my feelings – he asked me if I was okay with what we were doing every five minutes, it seemed – but we were both getting braver, and closer. I didn’t know if I could be close to him without really wanting him, but I was afraid of getting hurt.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was also starting to fall in love with him.

From Chapter 1:

“Tom?” I asked in a hoarse whisper, my stomach full of butterflies. It was still a little strange to call him by first name, even after all these years. Especially when everyone else at Royal Oaks High called him “Mr. Stevens.”

“Isabel,” came the familiar voice. “How are you?” His voice was gentle and deep. It soothed me instantly, the same way it had when I was fifteen. There was an edge to his voice tonight, though, and I sensed that there was something bothering him.

“Is something wrong?” I asked. I didn’t want to admit that I already knew exactly what it was; my high school graduation was coming up. It would bring an end to our current arrangement. We hadn’t talked about our future yet, but I had known that it was coming.

After a few pensive moments, Tom spoke.

“You’re my sweetheart,” he told me, his voice sad. “I can’t imagine life without you. I don’t want to have to imagine life without you.”

Tom rarely used terms of endearment with me, these days. When he did – in these rare moments when he called me his sweetheart – my heart melted. All of the turmoil, the sleepless nights, the protracted nature of our relationship, became nothing more than a passing inconvenience and very worthwhile. Tonight, though, I knew that the word came with drawbacks. They gave me the courage I needed to say the words I’d been dreading.

“My graduation won’t affect our relationship, you know that,” I told him. “Look at how much we’ve been through together. If we made it through all of that, we can make it through anything. Tom, I want to be with you always, no matter where life takes me after graduation.”

I spoke passionately, fully believing in what I said. I was absolutely devoted to this man. But somewhere deep inside, I knew I was being dishonest. Neither of us wanted our relationship to change, but it was clear that things were going to change, and soon. I had just been offered a place at a small, private liberal arts college on the East Coast. The choice had been difficult because although I wanted to stay close to Tom, I also wanted to move forward with my life. In the end, I accepted the offer. Tom hadn’t really reacted when I told him. It hadn’t affected our relationship. Now, though, the cracks were starting to show.

“I want to believe that,” Tom answered quietly. “I loved the last letter you wrote me. Every time I read your letters, I feel like I’m sixteen again. I feel like I’ve come out of a deep sleep.” A pause, and then, “I can’t lose you, Isabel. You’re the reason I wake up in the morning; I can’t love anyone more than I love–”

Suddenly I heard a distinct click on the line. My heart plummeted.

“Did you hear that?” Tom snapped, his tone suddenly terse. “Did someone pick up the phone at your house?”

“Hold on a minute, let me check inside.” I slipped back inside and listened, but the house was completely quiet. The kitchen phone was on the counter, my mom’s office was dark, and I was holding the only other phone in the house.

“Who picked up the phone?” Tom repeated, worry coloring his voice.

The click had not originated on my end of the line. I should’ve been relieved, but my panic rose even more.

“Tom,” I whispered into the receiver. “It wasn’t here, everyone’s asleep…”

“I have to go,” Tom interrupted abruptly. “Danielle’s coming.”

There was another click, and the line went dead.

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