Michelle L. Rusk's Blog, page 13

Holiday Season Thoughts

I have written many times in the past about finding balance in life and I’ve always heard about the importance of keeping our lives balanced during the holiday season (although not said that way, it’s always been about having a less stressful holiday season).

The universe has taught me some hard lessons this holiday season, ones I am aware of with still a week until Christmas itself.

I also have often said that I hear God the loudest during the holiday season, speaking to me through Our Lady of Guadalupe whose feast day is also my birthday.

This year I took a running start into the holidays, prepping Chelle Summer starting in July. But I was quickly disappointed when my first events didn’t go so well. I don’t want to dwell on this other than to say the world keeps changing and what worked last year, didn’t work this year. I have tried to listen to God, believing that maybe he’s been telling me to make some changes in directions and things that I do. I also know that sometimes the message gets sent more than once although we don’t always hear it or act on it so it gets sent again. While I won’t reveal what those messages were now, I got them and I’m working on them!

But there have been messages that have been hard to act on simply because there are only so many hours in the day. I can’t remember ever having such a busy holiday season. Granted, things are always busier than other times of the year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, this one has been an exception.

Taking all of this into consideration, I realized that there were things I didn’t need to focus on during this time because they were taking away from not just the meaning and enjoyment of the season, but the messages I really wanted to act on during this time.

As we come closer to Christmas Day, I hope that the season has been all that you wanted it to be and more. If it hasn’t been, remember we all have the opportunity to learn how to do more or do it differently. That’s why we have Christmas every year– it’s a reminder of so many things which would be a whole blog by itself.

For me, this year is about how I can do better next year, be more balanced, to not just hear the messages but act on them.

Happy Holidays, everyone! Stay tuned for what’s to come in 2023!

Transcendence

Facebook reminded me that 10 years ago today, my book on finding hope and new life through surfing after my sister's suicide and then my divorce. I sometimes I forget about the stories I have told- I understand now they are a reflection of a point in time where I was at and my hope always is to share authentically so that others might find hope from my journey

Robert Neimeyer, Ph.D., said it best in his quote on the back of the book:

"'Suicide,' writes author Michelle Linn-Gust, doesn't define me.' Instead, as she demonstrates in this slender but substantial volume, her sister's tragic death continues to serve as one motif among many that embroider the fabric of her life, in a 'work that takes (her) behind suicide... (to) circle around hope and living an authentic life.' As fluidly as the images of pools and waves that wash through this memoir, Linn-Gust carries the reader into and through the story of a life marked by trauma, activism, and transcendence, and that continues toward an unspecified horizon of possibility. I recommend it to all those who seek to understand the reconstruction of life stories in the wake of loss, in a way that conserves but is not captured by their darker chapters."

Photo by Pamela Joye– how many photos she took in a the course of a short weekend that carry this thread of water through them.

That Cooking Girl

Chelle Summer aprons were inspired by the aprons Mrs. Rosales made for Megan, the main character of my novel, That Cooking Girl, fictional story that takes place in Albuquerque about a woman who ends up doing a weekly cooking segment on local television to replace someone who was fired. And that’s just half the story! The other half involves an actor named Nate and a rebuilt motel on Route 66.

Back to aprons though– Mrs. Rosales is Megan’s neighbor and she offers to make an apron for Megan to wear while appearing on her weekly cooking segment. I heard once that George Burns said when he and Gracie Allen were doing “The Burns and Allen Show” on television, women were often sending letters and commenting on the aprons she wore so then women started sending new ones that they had made for her to wear on television.

In my story, while Mrs. Rosales had a stash of cottons that she used to make the aprons, Megan always wearing a new one, mine are made from vintage fabrics, usually tablecloths that are longing for new life. I used to worry about the stains on the tablecloths, but one Thanksgiving (long before I was making aprons), I said something about a stain on a vintage tablecloth I was using that day and my neighbor commented that it was part of the story.

The prints, the fabric that has held up often for more than fifty years, and the stains are all part of the story. The story yet to be told is the new apron I’ve created and that I hope someone will create new memories (and food!) while wearing.

Advent: The Anticipation Season of Magic

Every year, I think I say the same thing– while summer is definitely my season, I love Advent. I don’t love the cold that we encounter this time of year (and how the heck was I of all people born right before winter officially begins?!), but I love the magic and warmth that come during Advent.

While it’s a season of anticipation, building up to Jesus’s birthday on December 25, there is so much magic that surrounds this season. More than any other time of year, I sense that the unexpected is to be expected. I also feel closest to God during this time, or at least through Our Lady of Guadalupe whose Feast Day I share with my birthday (or, rather, she shares her day with me).

While I know for many people, it’s a season about gifts, I don’t think it’s ever really been all about that for me unless you include my childhood where I freely admit it was about the Barbie bathtub I really wanted (and did get!). I enjoy the energy and joy that surround the decorations, the music, the possibility of snow, and the traditional foods that we eat.

I also enjoy having people over, feeding them food I have made, food that’s sometimes been a part of my entire life. That’s my big gift to everyone this time of year– good food and the conversation that goes with it. I believe Jesus would like that, too, as he seemed to impart his wisdom at many dinner tables.

There’s more to the Advent season, the holiday season, than meets the eye if we allow the unexpected to rush through our front doors and give us all an energy boost that comes from within. And fulfills us in ways we never could have expected.

The Transformative Power of Chelle Summer

With Thanksgiving just a few days away, which also means the reflection that I find myself doing for the end of the year, I’m reminded how much creating Chelle Summer has inspired my life. Of course, one might say the inspiration created Chelle Summer, but as the ideas continue to come (several new ones very recently), I find the more I immerse myself into Chelle Summer, the more inspired I am.

But when I take a step back, I also can see the rearview mirror and how much my past has influenced so many things about it. I think of the prints and colors of my childhood, the creativity that was encouraged (and the sewing experiments!) to creating my own style in junior high and high school. Then moving to Albuquerque and my friend Bonnie (who died nearly twenty years ago) and all she taught me about sewing and putting colors and prints together. My first husband worked in credit card processing and most of his customers in the beginning of our marriage were artists so we were often at markets and shows checking on satellite terminals (this was when cell phones were just starting to become mainstream). The list is endless.

Some of it’s about prayer, about asking what I’m supposed to do. Or buying estate sale items and not being quite sure what to do with them until some time passes. Five years ago I couldn’t have imagined I’d have known how to turn so many vintage and tossed -aside items into things like aprons and handbags. I love the joy of taking something that might have been discarded (while also having been stuck in a garage or at the back of a cabinet/closet for years) and transforming it into something someone can use and enjoy. The new life.

There has been a lot of loss in my life and a lot of it came early for me. But I have always tried to use it to turn it into something else, just like I do with the objects and fabrics I find. Chelle Summer has given me a place to do that on a larger scale to share it with more people.

Chelle Summer isn’t just a brand. And it’s not just a lifestyle either. Chelle Summer is where I have found my hope and inspiration to continue to create and share with the world. It's one of many things I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving.

May you have a peaceful and hopeful one

Because God has Bigger Ideas

There isn’t an idea shortage in my head.

That might be the most challenging thing I face– because there are a limited number of hours in the day and I never get to do as much as I would like (at least without getting tired).

But when there are a great many things I’ve been working at that seemingly go nowhere, or don’t go where I want them to go, it’s made me wonder where I’m going wrong. That’s when it occurred to me that maybe there are other things I’m supposed to do.

Are you hearing this? Me, I, me, my idea, this is what I want to do. I see it in my head clear as day, I can feel it, I can touch it. And yet, it doesn’t happen. That’s because God has bigger ideas than I do.

Has this ever happened to you? You don’t just think, you know, you believe, you have bigger ideas. And yet you hold onto too tight to them and they don’t come to fruition. Or they fizzle out.

Try giving it up to God, to ask, to say, “I want to do bigger things. I know you have something bigger in store for me than I can ever imagine.”

That’s when you find out that it’s true, God does have bigger plans for you. Ah, it might not be easy and it might mean you have to step your foot out of that bubble you’ve been standing in too long, but it will be well worth it. And it will be more meaningful because it came from God. There’s a satisfaction in knowing that a greater power brought it to you. Life wasn’t meant to be easy. To grow means to forge forward, to step in places we never thought we would or could.

Be ready. You don’t want to miss the message.

Path to the Future is through the Past

Something always starts to happen this time of year for me.

I know we all would think, because I’m such a summer person, that summer would be the time when things happen for me. However, after the sort of October lull, I’m starting feel the conveyor belt of life underneath me gain speed and things start to move.

And it’s been that way every year as long as I can remember although I usually don’t realize it until I’m already into the thick of it.

This year in particular, I have found myself spending a lot of time contemplating how I got where I am today. While it all started when I asked the question, Where are dreams born?, for my Route 66 Dreams book, I’ve found myself reflecting on that same question for me. I believe it comes from a combination of turning an new decade, the world changing much too quickly (and not always for the better), plus many deaths of people close to me in recent years.

It has all taken me back to spinning around the events, thoughts, clothes, inspirations, and everything else that has led me to where I am today. And where I want to go.

As we get closer to Christmas, to Advent which is a season of anticipation, and my December birthday, it all starts to spin faster and may not come together in obvious ways, but there is much forward movement during the time we’re about to embark on.

While the photo here was taken a few years ago, when I look at it, I see the person I want to be, the person I’ve worked hard to be, the person that I know well (because I’ve taken the time to know myself). The hardest part now is letting go what hasn’t happened– and isn’t going to– and holding onto the dreams I still have, while also continuing to take steps forward to make them happen.

In November and December though, I also take a step back not just from the past year but all the years of my life and see how far I’ve come, where those dreams started, and make continued plans for where I want to go.

Sometimes They Teach Us More in Death

Some things in the world don’t work as I would like them to and I find myself not just having to accept them, but figuring out how to lessen the pain inside me that I can’t have what I want.

I have had a lot of loss. And I’ve had quite a few losses where I wasn’t in close contact with people at the time they died. They were people important to me in some way, but for whatever reason, we weren’t in contact when they died. Or they were people who were important to me in some way during one point in my life, but maybe not now. Sometimes I have found out they died when I’ve read the obituaries in the newspaper or when an invitation to a party is returned in the mail.

Those times especially have left me feeling sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye. One particular death had me praying for a period of time, trying to figure out a “place” to put it.

That’s when I realized that sometimes people teach us more after they have died than they did when they were here with us. Don’t get me wrong, I wish they were all here, but, as I said, I don’t get what I want very often. Through what felt like endless questioning and prayer, I finally realized that there is still some way they can be a positive influence in my life. It’s usually with my writing– like maybe the idea for this blog– or something in my fiction.

The key is to keep asking, to keep open, and to keep believing. I do believe everything is for a reason, but we also must be open to that reason. While we don’t always get what we believe we want, there are many other ways that life can fulfill us. Keeping our deceased loved ones close and connected is one of those ways.

Seeking Balance

While I’m usually writing about my challenges with letting go, I’d say keeping a balanced life takes a close second. I’m very aware of it and that’s probably made it easier to spot how much of the world that enmeshes me is also out of balance.

The pandemic threw so much into the mess, a cauldron that was already brewing, and I really, truly believed that the opportunity to pull things back to the middle would happen. Yes, the joke was on me and I wish I were laughing. It’s like the freight trains that were running out of control, suddenly switched paths and started to run out of control. The other way.

While there is much we can’t control around us, we can control our reactions to everything and that’s part of what set off this imbalance that runs the other way. Embracing change is hard, especially when it’s taking beloved aspects out of your life. I know because I’ve lost a lot of them over the past few years. While Ash and I were running this morning, I was thinking about how right before the pandemic I was so excited because things were running in such a good direction. I very much felt like things were where I wanted them to be and I were going where I wanted them to go.

Then, Bam!, it was all gone. I’ve spent over two years looking for the pieces that were swept up in the tornado, some not to be found again and others were so torn up and twisted they weren’t usable and had to thrown out. A new journey had to be started.

But when there is a new journey, it’s hard to find the footing, the pace, the rhythm. That’s where we are now– we’re trying to find where to go on a road that doesn’t exist. That’s thrown the balance out the window because we don’t know what it looks like so it’s gone back a different way, one that doesn’t make sense or feel right.

My hope, although I admit some days have been much harder than others to be hopeful so I try to stay in bubble where at least my creativity and my dogs keep me happy, is that we find our way back to the middle. The world won’t survive if we don’t.

Letting Go = Trusting God

I fully admit that I’m a bit slow when it comes to connecting the spiritual dots.

And I fully admit that letting go is one of my struggles.

There is a sign in an office window at the gym where I swim that says, “Work hard. Pray often. Trust God.” I was thinking about it after I passed last week and I wondered: What would I add to this sign? Did I think it needed something more or was that the message it should be?

That’s when I added, in my head, let go.

But several hours after, I realized that letting go and trusting God are the same. All these years I have struggled to let go and I partly believe it’s because letting go always felt like something I could never accomplish. I mean, really, we talk about letting go all the time but how does one actually do it? I needed an action step for it and I’d never been able to find one.

Now that I know it’s really about trusting God, that actually feels easier for me. Maybe because it’s also a more positive way of putting it. Trusting God is the same as having faith, of being hopeful, of believing.

I can do that. From now on I’m going to remind myself not to use let go, but instead to say, trust, have faith.

That I can do.