Jane Friedman's Blog: Jane Friedman, page 233
November 22, 2010
Ultimate Blog Series on Novel Queries (#8)
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly
for writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries
will come later.) Go back
to the beginning of the series.
QUERY LETTER RED FLAGS
Here is an overall list of red flags to look for in your query letter.
If it runs longer than 1 page (single spaced), you've said far too much.
If your manuscript's word count is much higher than 100,000 words, you're more likely
to be rejected. See
this post for a definitive list of appropriate word counts by genre.
Ensure you've specified your genre, without being on the fence about it.
There should be no need for headings/subheads in your letter.
Avoid directly commenting on the quality of your work. Your query should show what
a good writer you are, rather than you telling or emphasizing what a good writer you
are.
On the flip side: Don't criticize yourself or the quality of the work in the letter.
Don't editorialize your story for the agent/editor, almost as if you were writing
a review of the work. ("In this fast-paced thriller", "in a final twist that will
change your world", "you'll laugh, you'll cry, …"
Do not explain how or why you came to write the story, unless it is really interesting
or integral to the hook.
Do not talk about how you've wanted to write since you were a child.
Do not talk about how much your family and friends love your work.
Avoid heavy use of adjectives, adverbs, and modifiers. In fact, try creating a version
of your query without ANY modifiers, and see what happens. (Slowly add back the essential
ones.
Do not attach any documentation. Do not attach a resume. Do not attach rejection letters.
If you want to risk it, enclose the first 1-5 pages of your manuscript.
And don't forget my earlier advice about query hooks: They only need to be about 100-150
words, and they shouldn't comprise more than a few brief paragraphs (at most!).
Note: For my final installment in the series (#10), I'll offer up final FAQs.
Use the comments to ask a question.
Next up: full letter samples
[image error]
Looking for more great query letter advice? Check out the Writer's
Digest official guide to queries, which includes examples and instruction by genre.
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly
for writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries
will come later.) Go back
to the beginning of the series.
QUERY LETTER RED FLAGS
Here is an overall list of red flags to look for in your query letter.
If it runs longer than 1 page (single spaced), you've said far too much.
If your manuscript's word count is much higher than 100,000 words, you're more likely
to be rejected. See
this post for a definitive list of appropriate word counts by genre.
Ensure you've specified your genre, without being on the fence about it.
There should be no need for headings/subheads in your letter.
Avoid directly commenting on the quality of your work. Your query should show what
a good writer you are, rather than you telling or emphasizing what a good writer you
are.
On the flip side: Don't criticize yourself or the quality of the work in the letter.
Don't editorialize your story for the agent/editor, almost as if you were writing
a review of the work. ("In this fast-paced thriller", "in a final twist that will
change your world", "you'll laugh, you'll cry, …"
Do not explain how or why you came to write the story, unless it is really interesting
or integral to the hook.
Do not talk about how you've wanted to write since you were a child.
Do not talk about how much your family and friends love your work.
Avoid heavy use of adjectives, adverbs, and modifiers. In fact, try creating a version
of your query without ANY modifiers, and see what happens. (Slowly add back the essential
ones.
Do not attach any documentation. Do not attach a resume. Do not attach rejection letters.
If you want to risk it, enclose the first 1-5 pages of your manuscript.
And don't forget my earlier advice about query hooks: They only need to be about 100-150
words, and they shouldn't comprise more than a few brief paragraphs (at most!).
Note: For my final installment in the series (#10), I'll offer up final FAQs.
Use the comments to ask a question.
Next up: full letter samples
[image error]
Looking for more great query letter advice? Check out the Writer's
Digest official guide to queries, which includes examples and instruction by genre.
[image error]
November 21, 2010
Best Tweets for Writers (week ending 11/19/10)
[image error]
I watch Twitter, so you don't have to. Visit each Sunday for the week's best Tweets.
If I missed a great Tweet, leave it in the Comments. Want to know about the best stuff
I read each week? Click
here to subscribe to my shared items.
Getting Published, Agents/Editors
All writers who beg agents to give feedback
with rejections, read this post from @BookendsJessica
@RachelleGardner
5 Writers Explain How They Got, Kept & Fired
Agents
@Awl
Craft & Technique
6 Vital Signs of A Healthy Plot
@elizabethscraig
A look at ending our scenes
@elizabethscraig
How to maximize the premise of your story
@Writeitsideways
Is your novel's hero half-baked? Take these character
tests & find out
@GalleyCat
Definitive list of cliched dialogue
@elizabethscraig
Publishing News & Trends
More smart comments from @jmcquivey on how
and why e-books are forever changing book publishing
@twliterary
10
Lit Mags you should be reading from @flavorpill
@PoetryFound
Blogs & Websites
The
blog-to-book model only works under special conditions. @benhuh explains why
@toc
Online Resources & Tools
Twitterific:
links to this week's top writing articles
@elizabethscraig
The Writing Life + Fun Stuff
The
Economist on aspiring novelists
@Weegee
Looking for more?
Want to know about the best stuff I read each week?
Click here to subscribe
to my shared items.
Follow me on Twitter (@JaneFriedman)
List of Tweeps most
often included in weekly Best Tweets for Writers (always under development)
Follow Writer's Digest editors on Twitter: @writersdigest @brianklems @robertleebrewer @jessicastrawser @chucksambuchino @chadseibert @vanessa_lw @psexton1 @kellymesserly
Become a fan at the Writer's Digest Facebook
page (nearly 10K fans)
[image error]
November 18, 2010
Ultimate Blog Series on Novel Queries (#7)
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly
for writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries
will come later.) Go back
to the beginning of the series.
CLOSE YOUR LETTER PROFESSIONALLY
You don't read much advice about how to close a query letter, perhaps because there's
not much to it, right? You say thanks and sign your name.
But here are 10 things to remember about your closing, to leave a good final impression.
1. Make sure you confirm the manuscript is completed, if you haven't already.
Some writers like to end with a variation of, "May I send you the completed manuscript
for review?", which is fine.
2. You don't have to state that you are simultaneously querying. Everyone assumes
this. (I do not recommend exclusive queries; send queries out in batches of 3-5—or
more, if you're confident in your query quality.)
3. If your manuscript is under consideration at another agency, then mention
it if/when the next agent requests to see your manuscript.
4. If you have a series in mind (meaning your query is for the first in the
series), this is a good time to mention it. But don't belabor the point; it should
take a sentence.
5. Never mention your "history" with the work, e.g., how many agents you've
queried, or how many near misses you've suffered, or how many compliments you've received
on the work from others.
6. Resist the temptation to editorialize. This is where you proclaim how much
the agent will love the work, or how exciting it is, or how it's going to be a bestseller
if only someone would give it a chance, or how much your kids enjoy it, or how much
the world needs this work.
7. Thank the agent, but don't carry on unnecessarily, or be incredibly subservient—or
beg. ("I know you're very busy and I would be forever indebted and grateful if you
would just look at a few pages.")
8. There's no need to go into great detail about when and how you're available. Make
sure the letter includes, somewhere, your phone number, e-mail address, and return
address. (Include an SASE for paper queries.) I recommend putting your contact info
at the very top of the letter, or at the very bottom, under your name, rather than
in the query body itself.
9. Do not introduce the idea of an in-person meeting. Do not say you'll be
visiting their city soon, and ask if they'd like to meet for coffee. The only possible
exception to this is if you know you'll hear them speak at an upcoming writing conference—but
don't ask for a meeting. Just say you look forward to hearing them speak. If provided,
use the conference's official channels to set up an appointment.
10. Don't enclose or attach anything (except an SASE) unless the agency's guidelines
specifically say to do so. However, many believe (and I agree), it's perfectly fine
to enclose your first 1-5 pages with a paper-based query. Just be confident about
your story opening! It must be dead on.
Next up: general red flags
[image error]
Looking for more great query letter advice? Check out the Writer's
Digest official guide to queries, which includes examples and instruction by genre.
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly
for writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries
will come later.) Go back
to the beginning of the series.
CLOSE YOUR LETTER PROFESSIONALLY
You don't read much advice about how to close a query letter, perhaps because there's
not much to it, right? You say thanks and sign your name.
But here are 10 things to remember about your closing, to leave a good final impression.
1. Make sure you confirm the manuscript is completed, if you haven't already.
Some writers like to end with a variation of, "May I send you the completed manuscript
for review?", which is fine.
2. You don't have to state that you are simultaneously querying. Everyone assumes
this. (I do not recommend exclusive queries; send queries out in batches of 3-5—or
more, if you're confident in your query quality.)
3. If your manuscript is under consideration at another agency, then mention
it if/when the next agent requests to see your manuscript.
4. If you have a series in mind (meaning your query is for the first in the
series), this is a good time to mention it. But don't belabor the point; it should
take a sentence.
5. Never mention your "history" with the work, e.g., how many agents you've
queried, or how many near misses you've suffered, or how many compliments you've received
on the work from others.
6. Resist the temptation to editorialize. This is where you proclaim how much
the agent will love the work, or how exciting it is, or how it's going to be a bestseller
if only someone would give it a chance, or how much your kids enjoy it, or how much
the world needs this work.
7. Thank the agent, but don't carry on unnecessarily, or be incredibly subservient—or
beg. ("I know you're very busy and I would be forever indebted and grateful if you
would just look at a few pages.")
8. There's no need to go into great detail about when and how you're available. Make
sure the letter includes, somewhere, your phone number, e-mail address, and return
address. (Include an SASE for paper queries.) I recommend putting your contact info
at the very top of the letter, or at the very bottom, under your name, rather than
in the query body itself.
9. Do not introduce the idea of an in-person meeting. Do not say you'll be
visiting their city soon, and ask if they'd like to meet for coffee. The only possible
exception to this is if you know you'll hear them speak at an upcoming writing conference—but
don't ask for a meeting. Just say you look forward to hearing them speak. If provided,
use the conference's official channels to set up an appointment.
10. Don't enclose or attach anything (except an SASE) unless the agency's guidelines
specifically say to do so. However, many believe (and I agree), it's perfectly fine
to enclose your first 1-5 pages with a paper-based query. Just be confident about
your story opening! It must be dead on.
Next up: general red flags
[image error]
Looking for more great query letter advice? Check out the Writer's
Digest official guide to queries, which includes examples and instruction by genre.
[image error]
November 17, 2010
A New Way to Take Classes With Me
[image error]
Since 2009, I've taught dozens of online classes for Writer's Digest, and spoken at
just as many live events.
But I know many of you haven't been able to work these classes into your schedule
(since classes often run during the day), or you can't leave home to attend a conference.
So it's exciting to let you know about a new opportunity for you to learn from me,
as well as other publishing professionals, on your own terms and on your own schedule.
Writer's Digest Tutorials just launched,
and it's an on-demand education system, with pre-recorded classes. You can subscribe
on a monthly or annual basis, or you can buy complete sessions outright.
Here are a few of the sessions available from me:
How
Writers Can Succeed in the Future of Digital Publishing
The
3 Essential Paths to Self-Publishing
How
Do I Get My Book Published?
3
Secrets to Getting Your Nonfiction Book Published
What's also nice about this system is that you can preview about the first 5 minutes
of each session before deciding to commit.
Go check it out.
[image error]
P.S. If you're interested in a cool LIVE class, one of the most popular contributors
to Writer's Digest, Elizabeth Sims, is teaching a
class on writing mystery/thriller, which includes a critique of your first page.
It's happening on Thursday, Nov. 18, at 1 p.m.
[image error]
November 16, 2010
Ultimate Blog Series on Novel Queries (#6)
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly
for writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries
will come later.) Go back
to the beginning of the series.
THE KEY ELEMENTS OF YOUR NOVEL QUERY BIO
For novelists, especially unpublished ones, sometimes the best bio is none at all.
Let me restate another way: You don't have to include a bio in your query if you have
nothing pertinent to share.
What Information Is Pertinent to Your Bio?
The key to every detail in your bio is: Will it be meaningful—or perhaps charming—to
the agent/editor? If you can't confidently answer yes, leave it out.
In order of importance, these are the categories of pertinent info.
1. Publication credits
You have to be specific about your credits for this to be meaningful. Don't say you've
been published "in a variety of journals." You might as well be unpublished if you
don't want to name them.
What if you have no fiction credits? Then say nothing. Do NOT say you're unpublished. That
point will be made clear by fact of omission.
Many novelists wonder if nonfiction credits help. I think it's helpful to mention
notable credits when they show you have some experience working with editors or understanding
how the professional writing world works.
That said: Academic or trade journal credits are tricky, since they definitely
don't convey fiction writing ability, and sometimes can be detrimental if an agent/editor
stereotypes academics as bad fiction writers. Use your discretion, but it's probably
not going to be deal breaker either way.
Also: Online credits can be just as worthy as print credits. Popular and well-known
online journals and blogs count!
Leave out credits like your church newsletter, small-town newspaper, or any publication
that would hold little/no significance for the majority of publishing professionals.
If you self-published a novel, I would mention it in the query (with year and
company). Sooner or later this information will have to come out, and I recommend
being upfront about it. Lots of people have done it, and the fact you're still actively
writing and pursuing the dream is a good sign. It shows resilience.
But do not make the mistake of thinking your self-publishing credits make you somehow
more desirable as an author, unless you have meaningful sales success, in which case,
mention the sales of your book (needs to be in the thousands!).
2. Work/career
If your career or profession gives you credibility to write a better story, by all
means mention it. But don't go into lengthy detail.
Teachers of K-12 who are writing children's/YA often mention their teaching experience
as some kind of credential for writing children's/YA, but it's not, so don't treat
it like one in the bio. (Perhaps it goes without saying, but parents should not treat
their parent status as a credential to write for children either.)
3. Writing credibility
It makes sense to mention any writing-related degrees you have, any major professional
writing organizations you belong to (e.g., RWA, MWA, SCBWI), and possibly any major
events/retreats/workshops you've attended to help you develop your career as a writer.
You needn't say that you frequent such-and-such online community, or that you belong
to a writers' group the agent would've never heard of. (Mentioning this won't necessarily
hurt you, but it's not proving anything either.)
The key: Don't go overboard and mention every single thing you've ever done in your
writing life. Don't talk about starting to write when you were in second grade. Don't
talk about how much you've improved your writing in the last few years. Don't talk
about how much you enjoy returning to writing in your retirement.
Just mention 1 or 2 highlights that prove your seriousness and devotion to the craft
of writing. If unsure, leave it out.
4. Special research
If your book is the product of some intriguing or unusual research (you spent a year
in the Congo), mention it. Weird things can catch the attention of an editor or agent.
But there's a distinction between really interesting research that you might reference
in a line or two, and talking about a routine vacation or life experience. (You can
mention the latter, but you better be charming about it. See point 6.)
You should also be careful of giving the agent the impression that your novel is a
thinly disguised memoir. For example, if you're writing a novel about a soldier in
the Iraq war who has post-traumatic stress, and your bio reveals you have the exact
same qualities as your protagonist, the agent/editor might question the quality of
the work. (That's because so many people are writing very bad versions of their life
as fiction.)
5. Major awards/competitions
Most writers should not mention awards or competitions they've won—because they mention
awards that are too small to matter. If the award isn't widely recognizable to the
majority of publishing professionals, then the only way to convey significance of
an award is to talk about how many people you beat out. Usually the entry number needs
to be in the thousands in order to impress an agent/editor.
6. Charming, ineffable you
If your bio can reveal something of your voice or personality, all the better. While
the query isn't the place to digress or mention irrelevant info, there's something
to be said for expressing something about yourself that gives insight into the kind
of author you are—that ineffable you. Charm helps. But if you're unsure of your effect,
probably better not to risk it.
To remind you: It's okay to say nothing at all about yourself.
If you have no meaningful publication credits, don't try to invent any. If you have
no professional credentials, no research to mention, no awards to your name—nothing
notable at all to share—don't add a weak line or two in an attempt to make up for
it. Just end the letter. You're still completely respectable.
Don't bother mentioning these things
Unless you know the agent/editor wants to hear about these things, you don't need
to talk about:
Your social media presence
Your website or platform
Your marketing plan (only needed for nonfiction)
Your years of effort and dedication
How much your family/friends love your work
Your inspiration for writing (or your life story)
How many times you've been rejected or close accepts
EXAMPLES OF SOLID BIOS
@font-face {
font-family: "Cambria";
}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }div.Section1 { page: Section1A professional writer for more than 30 years, I've had short stories
published in literary journals such as Toasted Cheese, Long Story
Short, and Beginnings. My first (unpublished) novel was a finalist
for a James Jones Fellowship. I am co-founder and editor of the
online literary journal Cezanne's Carrot (www.cezannescarrot.org), and
also write the blog Writers In The Virtual Sky
(www.writersinthevirtualsky.com).
--
My short story "Crown Royal" was published in the Sofa Ink Quarterly in 2006. In addition to writing YA fiction, I work as a publicist for a small press. I earned a BA in Creative Writing from Pacific University, and am a member of
Next up: your closing
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly
for writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries
will come later.) Go back
to the beginning of the series.
THE KEY ELEMENTS OF YOUR NOVEL QUERY BIO
For novelists, especially unpublished ones, sometimes the best bio is none at all.
Let me restate another way: You don't have to include a bio in your query if you have
nothing pertinent to share.
What Information Is Pertinent to Your Bio?
The key to every detail in your bio is: Will it be meaningful—or perhaps charming—to
the agent/editor? If you can't confidently answer yes, leave it out.
In order of importance, these are the categories of pertinent info.
1. Publication credits
You have to be specific about your credits for this to be meaningful. Don't say you've
been published "in a variety of journals." You might as well be unpublished if you
don't want to name them.
What if you have no fiction credits? Then say nothing. Do NOT say you're unpublished. That
point will be made clear by fact of omission.
Many novelists wonder if nonfiction credits help. I think it's helpful to mention
notable credits when they show you have some experience working with editors or understanding
how the professional writing world works.
That said: Academic or trade journal credits are tricky, since they definitely
don't convey fiction writing ability, and sometimes can be detrimental if an agent/editor
stereotypes academics as bad fiction writers. Use your discretion, but it's probably
not going to be deal breaker either way.
Also: Online credits can be just as worthy as print credits. Popular and well-known
online journals and blogs count!
Leave out credits like your church newsletter, small-town newspaper, or any publication
that would hold little/no significance for the majority of publishing professionals.
If you self-published a novel, I would mention it in the query (with year and
company). Sooner or later this information will have to come out, and I recommend
being upfront about it. Lots of people have done it, and the fact you're still actively
writing and pursuing the dream is a good sign. It shows resilience.
But do not make the mistake of thinking your self-publishing credits make you somehow
more desirable as an author, unless you have meaningful sales success, in which case,
mention the sales of your book (needs to be in the thousands!).
2. Work/career
If your career or profession gives you credibility to write a better story, by all
means mention it. But don't go into lengthy detail.
Teachers of K-12 who are writing children's/YA often mention their teaching experience
as some kind of credential for writing children's/YA, but it's not, so don't treat
it like one in the bio. (Perhaps it goes without saying, but parents should not treat
their parent status as a credential to write for children either.)
3. Writing credibility
It makes sense to mention any writing-related degrees you have, any major professional
writing organizations you belong to (e.g., RWA, MWA, SCBWI), and possibly any major
events/retreats/workshops you've attended to help you develop your career as a writer.
You needn't say that you frequent such-and-such online community, or that you belong
to a writers' group the agent would've never heard of. (Mentioning this won't necessarily
hurt you, but it's not proving anything either.)
The key: Don't go overboard and mention every single thing you've ever done in your
writing life. Don't talk about starting to write when you were in second grade. Don't
talk about how much you've improved your writing in the last few years. Don't talk
about how much you enjoy returning to writing in your retirement.
Just mention 1 or 2 highlights that prove your seriousness and devotion to the craft
of writing. If unsure, leave it out.
4. Special research
If your book is the product of some intriguing or unusual research (you spent a year
in the Congo), mention it. Weird things can catch the attention of an editor or agent.
But there's a distinction between really interesting research that you might reference
in a line or two, and talking about a routine vacation or life experience. (You can
mention the latter, but you better be charming about it. See point 6.)
You should also be careful of giving the agent the impression that your novel is a
thinly disguised memoir. For example, if you're writing a novel about a soldier in
the Iraq war who has post-traumatic stress, and your bio reveals you have the exact
same qualities as your protagonist, the agent/editor might question the quality of
the work. (That's because so many people are writing very bad versions of their life
as fiction.)
5. Major awards/competitions
Most writers should not mention awards or competitions they've won—because they mention
awards that are too small to matter. If the award isn't widely recognizable to the
majority of publishing professionals, then the only way to convey significance of
an award is to talk about how many people you beat out. Usually the entry number needs
to be in the thousands in order to impress an agent/editor.
6. Charming, ineffable you
If your bio can reveal something of your voice or personality, all the better. While
the query isn't the place to digress or mention irrelevant info, there's something
to be said for expressing something about yourself that gives insight into the kind
of author you are—that ineffable you. Charm helps. But if you're unsure of your effect,
probably better not to risk it.
To remind you: It's okay to say nothing at all about yourself.
If you have no meaningful publication credits, don't try to invent any. If you have
no professional credentials, no research to mention, no awards to your name—nothing
notable at all to share—don't add a weak line or two in an attempt to make up for
it. Just end the letter. You're still completely respectable.
Don't bother mentioning these things
Unless you know the agent/editor wants to hear about these things, you don't need
to talk about:
Your social media presence
Your website or platform
Your marketing plan (only needed for nonfiction)
Your years of effort and dedication
How much your family/friends love your work
Your inspiration for writing (or your life story)
How many times you've been rejected or close accepts
EXAMPLES OF SOLID BIOS
A professional writer for more than 30 years, I've had short storiesEXAMPLES OF REVISED BIOS
published in literary journals such as Toasted Cheese, Long Story Short,
and Beginnings. My first (unpublished) novel was a finalist for a James Jones
Fellowship. I am co-founder and editor of the online literary journal Cezanne's
Carrot, and also write the blog Writers In The Virtual Sky.
[Bio indicates long and serious focus on writing. I don't normally
advise mentioning a blog, but in this case, it works fine. Along with the rest of
the bio, it reveals someone who's active in the writing community.]
My short story "Crown Royal" was published in the Sofa Ink Quarterly in 2006. In addition
to writing YA fiction, I work as a publicist for a small press. I earned a BA in Creative
Writing from Pacific University, and am a member of SCBWI.
[Solid.]
I have a BA in English literature from the University of Iowa, and an MBA from the
University of Phoenix. I own a manufacturer rep business specializing in security
products for video surveillance and related technologies, and this allows me to blend
in some technical detail and insight on the future of a world where someone is always
watching.
[Relevant career experience that ties into novel's protagonist
and plot.]
I am the author of CARAVAN (1995) and JOURNEY HOME (1998), two
award-winning picture books published by Lee & Low Books, still in print, here
and overseas.
[Presumably this author could have said a LOT more about herself,
but having books professionally published and still in print is usually so compelling
you don't need to add to it.]
I have published articles in The Globe and Mail and community newspapers. I am the
coordinator for the Fiction Writers' Group of the Canadian Authors Association (Niagara
chapter), as well as Membership Chair. In 2010, I had a short story published in a
literary newsletter with 5,000 subscribers.
[Shows community-minded writer who has a level of professional
experience. The publication is worth mentioning here because the circulation can be
given; many literary journals don't reach 5,000 readers!]
I have worked on this novel in writing workshops, including a writing intensive with
author Craig Clevenger. Currently, I am working on a second novel, and several short
stories, related to 82 Days.
[I don't normally recommend saying you've workshopped your manuscript,
but when you can point to a notable person who has worked with you, mention it.]
In 1997 Human Kinetics published my book, Time Saving Training for Multisport Athletes,
which is still is a boring read for anyone sane. But within triathlon circles, I was
almost well-known. I've written numerous sports and fitness related articles for a
wide range of national magazines and regular real estate financing pieces during the
boom.
[This is a wonderful example of charm & personality!]
@font-face {
font-family: "Cambria";
}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }div.Section1 { page: Section1A professional writer for more than 30 years, I've had short stories
published in literary journals such as Toasted Cheese, Long Story
Short, and Beginnings. My first (unpublished) novel was a finalist
for a James Jones Fellowship. I am co-founder and editor of the
online literary journal Cezanne's Carrot (www.cezannescarrot.org), and
also write the blog Writers In The Virtual Sky
(www.writersinthevirtualsky.com).
--
My short story "Crown Royal" was published in the Sofa Ink Quarterly in 2006. In addition to writing YA fiction, I work as a publicist for a small press. I earned a BA in Creative Writing from Pacific University, and am a member of
I'm an aspiring author with a Bachelor's degree in Creative Writing from
Old Dominion University. After snorkeling on the island of Cozumel, the idea for Triopenpec was
born. Triopenpec made it into the second round of Amazon's 2010 Breakthrough
Novel competition, and I've had creative nonfiction pieces published in Splurge! magazine. I
continuously have my eye on the young adult fiction market and read as many books
as I can lay my hands on in this selected genre. Triopenpec will give fans of this
genre a unique world to fall into, a fresh set of dynamic characters, and a new heroine
to route for. I admire the works that have been promoted by the Mrs. Smith Literary
Agency and would love the opportunity to be considered.
[Be careful mentioning competitions unless further context can
be given; e.g., would this placement put you in top 10% of entrants? Also, no need
to state you're an avid reader, or editorialize about how great your work is. Do not
say you love the clients/works of an agency unless you can be specific and authentic
about it.]
My return to playing the piano and five years instructing fourth graders
on how to write has awakened a creative side in me that I didn't realize I possessed.
Currently, I am also writing articles for our school newsletter. And recently, I won
authored the winning entry to a short story contest, hosted by two of the region's
largest newspapers. While I am still unsure which task is more difficult, writing
my own stories or teaching young people how to write with enthusiasm and confidence;
to my credit, I have learned that I can do both and look forward to growing as both
an author and a teacher.
[While these aren't bad things to say in your bio, they aren't needed. I would probably
say nothing. Err on side of brevity.]
Next up: your closing
[image error]
November 15, 2010
Ultimate Blog Series on Novel Queries (#5)
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly
for writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries
will come later.) Go back
to the beginning of the series.
ONE-SENTENCE HOOKS OF BOOKS THAT SOLD
There are many reasons for writers to pay to subscribe to PublishersMarketplace (the
No. 1 reason is probably agent research), but subscribers also have the advantage
of absorbing its excellent deal information.
Every day, PublishersMarketplace lists book deals that were recently signed at major
New York houses. It identifies the title, the author, the publisher/editor who bought
the project, and the agent who sold it.
Most importantly, these deals also offer a quick blurb, or hook. These hooks are inevitably
well-crafted, and can help you better understand what hooks really excite agents/publishers.
Let's have a look; these are all DEBUT novel deals.
Want more? Go subscribe to PublishersMarketplace ($20/month).
Next up: bios
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly
for writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries
will come later.) Go back
to the beginning of the series.
ONE-SENTENCE HOOKS OF BOOKS THAT SOLD
There are many reasons for writers to pay to subscribe to PublishersMarketplace (the
No. 1 reason is probably agent research), but subscribers also have the advantage
of absorbing its excellent deal information.
Every day, PublishersMarketplace lists book deals that were recently signed at major
New York houses. It identifies the title, the author, the publisher/editor who bought
the project, and the agent who sold it.
Most importantly, these deals also offer a quick blurb, or hook. These hooks are inevitably
well-crafted, and can help you better understand what hooks really excite agents/publishers.
Let's have a look; these are all DEBUT novel deals.
Bridget Boland's DOULA, an emotionally controversial novel about a doula with a sixth
sense [protagonist] who, while following her calling,
has to confront a dark and uncertain future when standing trial for the death of her
best friend's baby [protagonist's problem]
[a doula with a sixth sense? cool.]
John Hornor Jacobs's SOUTHERN GODS, in which a Memphis DJ [protagonist] hires
a recent World War II veteran to find a mysterious bluesman whose music [protagonist's
problem] — broadcast at ever-shifting frequencies by a phantom radio station
—> is said to make living men insane and dead men rise [twist]
[wow! what a twist!]
Dana Gynther's CROSSING ON THE PARIS, chronicling the lives of three women of different
generations and classes [protagonists] whose lives intersect
on a majestic ocean liner traveling from Paris to New York in the wake of World War
I [more premise than problem], exploring the power of
chance encounters [promise of intrigue]
[this sounds lovely even though the hook breaks my rules and
doesn't explicitly express a problem; but one can sense serious complications in a
context/setting like this]
Vanessa Veselka's ZAZEN, in which an otherwise innocuous vegan restaurant worker and
ex-paleontologist [protagonists] starts calling in fake
bomb threats, which turn real [protagonists' problem]
[this isn't something you read every day, right?]
Katherine Karlin's SEND ME WORK, a story collection involving
women who work at various jobs normally restricted to men [protagonists],
in an oil refinery, as a welder, on a railroad, in a shipyard and a symphony orchestra,
revealing unrecognized dimensions of American experience [more
premise than problem]
[this was sold to a university press, and I see a clear fascination/twist
here in the premise, but not necessarily an expectation of a commercial, page-turning
thriller; but see how the hook pulls you in, seduces you, even though an explicit
problem is not stated?]
Want more? Go subscribe to PublishersMarketplace ($20/month).
Next up: bios
[image error]
November 14, 2010
Best Tweets for Writers (week ending 11/12/10)
[image error]
I watch Twitter, so you don't have to. Visit each Sunday for the week's best Tweets.
If I missed a great Tweet, leave it in the Comments. Want to know about the best stuff
I read each week? Click
here to subscribe to my shared items.
Quick plug for upcoming online/interactive classes:
Write
a Dynamite Mystery or Thriller That Sells (includes a critique of your first page)
Best of Best
Writers: If you think the story has a problem,
it does—and any story with a problem is not ready.
@inkyelbows
4 Post-Its to Stick Up Over Your Writing Desk
@victoriamixon
Outstanding commentary on author promotion from Betsy
Lerner: Should I Tweet?
@dbschlosser
Getting Published, Agents/Editors
If you are an author, are you building a
tribe or just hoping to win the lottery? (Seth Godin)
@michaelhyatt
What makes a book publisher drool? Can you say "series"? by
Alan Rinzler
@jafurtado
Does a long wait equal rejection?
@Kid_Lit
Acquiring An Agent After Self-Publishing
@elizabethscraig
Is contemporary YA a difficult market? [great hook examples]
@Kid_Lit
Ever wondered what clauses in a publishing contract
are most often negotiated by agents?
@RachelleGardner
Why You Shouldn't Write for Revenue Sharing Sites:
Excellent, thought-provoking article
@nickdaws
Craft & Technique
5 writing tips I learned from reading HARRY
POTTER
@NathanBransford
10 Ways to Create a Plot Twist
@40kBooks
Forget About Perfect Grammar and Just Write Well
@lifehacker
Sighing. And 6 other things your characters do too much
of
@thmafi
Can you get away with multiple points of view?
@dirtywhitecandy
How to Cut Your Novel Down to Size
@AdviceToWriters
Checking for Plot Holes: Does Your Story Add Up?
@elizabethscraig
What
Isn't Said: Subtext in Dialogue
@KMWeiland
Publishing News & Trends
Smaller Presses, Bigger Authors: As largeSelf-Publishing and E-Publishing
publishers increase expectations of midlist sellers, indie presses see influx
@dbschlosser
Absolute
must-read article for writers about the publishing industry and the "state of things"
@iainbroome
Why The Book Business May Soon Be The Most Digital Of
All Media Industries
@jafurtado
"Tor.com serves as a laboratory for all kinds of online
publishing"
@DigiBookWorld
No better thinker/writer about digital impact on media
than @cshirky (this time on paywalls)
@jayrosen_nyu
How E-Books Will Save Big Publishing
@KristineRusch
17 Ways for Writers to Publish Their
Content
@JFBookman
11 Ways to Convince Readers to Buy Your eBook
@nickdaws
Social Media
What's
the best way to gain twitter influence? Here are 2 views
@JanetKGrant
Literary Writers and Social Media (The Atlantic)
@letiziasechi
Marketing & Promotion
The
Art Thief's Guide to Creating Work That Sells
@markmcguinness
Blogs & Websites
How
To Easily Turn Your Wordpress Blog Into An E-Commerce Site
@nickdaws
Online Resources & Tools
Need
more time to write? Try using an iPhone app to dictate your novel
@GalleyCat
15 Books for Creative Domination
@the99percent
@ElectricLit editor introduces Electric Publisher, the lit journal's new
app building service
@GalleyCat
The Writing Life + Fun Stuff
"Effing
the Ineffable" (How do we express what cannot be said?)
@AdviceToWriters
Anonymous stories, written on found photographs
@dbschlosser
Nearly Christmas ... here's the only website you will
need for writing gifts
@BubbleCow
Looking for more?
Want to know about the best stuff I read each week?
Click here to subscribe
to my shared items.
Follow me on Twitter (@JaneFriedman)
List of Tweeps most
often included in weekly Best Tweets for Writers (always under development)
Follow Writer's Digest editors on Twitter: @writersdigest @brianklems @robertleebrewer @jessicastrawser @chucksambuchino @chadseibert @vanessa_lw @psexton1 @kellymesserly
Become a fan at the Writer's Digest Facebook
page (nearly 10K fans)
[image error]
November 11, 2010
Ultimate Blog Series on Novel Queries (#4)
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly for
writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries will
come later.) Go back to
the beginning of the series.
RED FLAGS IN NOVEL HOOKS & QUERIES
To continue the previous
discussion on crafting a hook, here are a few ways to tell if your hook could
be tightened up:
Does your hook consist of several meaty paragraphs?
Does your hook run longer than 200 words?
Does your hook reveal the ending of your book?
Does your hook mention 3 characters or more?
Does your hook delve into subplots or supporting characters?
Does your hook talk about more than 2 plot twists?
Does your comprise more than 50% of your one page query?
Here are more examples of hooks, original versus revised.
ORIGINAL HOOK
REVISED HOOK
Comments: I was able to cut a lot of unnecessary detail from this hook, though
I worry that an agent/editor will not find that irresistible twist to make this this
spy story memorable. My gut says something more is needed to get manuscript requests
for this (but what I cut isn't the "more" that is needed). If we had a sentence or
so that made us excited about the spy couple pair, like some unusual aspect/circumstance
that brings them together in a distinctive way, that could be the twist.
ORIGINAL HOOK
REVISED HOOK
beginning or end that emphasize the themes and/or emotional journey of the characters.
While the hook should get a reaction out of us (even touch us), telling it in this
way is rarely effective. It often seems cliche or overwrought. Whenever possible,
the story itself (and the voice of how that story is conveyed in the hook) should
hint at the emotional journey or depth. It's OK to refer specifically to a character's
emotional journey or to bigger meaning, but I advise limiting it to a sentence (do
not take a paragraph). Also, similar to the previous hook, I worry there's not yet
a distinctiveness here that will help set this mystery apart from others. (The title
isn't helping.)
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly for
writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries will
come later.) Go back to
the beginning of the series.
RED FLAGS IN NOVEL HOOKS & QUERIES
To continue the previous
discussion on crafting a hook, here are a few ways to tell if your hook could
be tightened up:
Does your hook consist of several meaty paragraphs?
Does your hook run longer than 200 words?
Does your hook reveal the ending of your book?
Does your hook mention 3 characters or more?
Does your hook delve into subplots or supporting characters?
Does your hook talk about more than 2 plot twists?
Does your comprise more than 50% of your one page query?
Here are more examples of hooks, original versus revised.
ORIGINAL HOOK
Reversal of Providence is an 85,000-word modern thriller, with
elements of political intrigue and spy craft, blended with recent history. Readers
of authors like Frederick Forsyth, David Hagberg, Vince Flynn, and David Morrell's
spy fiction might enjoy this book.
What if, purely by accident, a cocky young man stumbles into a terrorist plot that
was set into motion years ago by the fall of the Soviet Union?
And is it just an accident, or is it fate? Are events in our lives directed by God's
will, or the wisdom of Allah? Reversal of Providence explores these themes. In Seattle,
a security expert gets in a car accident and stumbles upon a sinister plot. In Chechnya,
a teenager loses his father and is thrust into a new home that will alter the course
of his life.
Security salesman Ryan Anderson is on his way to deliver the proposal of his
career when he is derailed by a minor fender bender with a semi-truck. The nervous
truck driver doesn't want to involve the police, and tries to ditch him. But bull-headed
Ryan is not going away, and a woman he just met, beautiful attorney Jessica Webb,
is soon just as determined to find the true identity of the truck driver once they
are both attacked by thugs wielding knives in the middle of the night.
Set primarily in Seattle, the clock ticks for Jessica and Ryan as we learn of a plan
created by factions of al-Qaeda and Chechen militants to incite an all-out war between
their two most hated enemies, the United States and Russia. The Chechen, Zaman Uzuyev,
is taken in by an imam at a mosque in Grozny, and he matures into a hardened and brutal
leader who will carry out the terrorists' plan.
Ryan and Jessica must learn to trust each other as they gather clues and face numerous
obstacles, culminating in their capture by by enemy Zaman in a deserted Seattle scrap
metal yard. As Zaman reveals his plan for the annihilation of two nations, Jessica
and Ryan struggle to escape and fight to defend themselves. Zaman finally unveils
his terrible weapon, and the young couple must defy insurmountable odds to stop the
terrorist, and save each other.
And they are not your typical spy couple, all sleek and perfect. Ryan is rash and
bold, rough around the edges. Jessica is cerebral and cautious, measured, yet drawn
in by Ryan's charisma.
At the close of the book, they foil the terrorist plot so well that they are whisked
to the White House where the president implores them to work for the National Security
Agency. "Spies," he says, offering them a job. "You'd be damn good ones."
Reversal of Providence is the first in planned multi-book series featuring the duo
of Jessica Webb and Ryan Anderson. I have completed the outline for the second book,
Refusal to Comply. , and I have included the prologue and first chapter at the end
of Reversal of Providence as a teaser. My goal with this series is to create my version
of a modern, intelligent spy couple's adventures, with a broad audience range.
REVISED HOOK
Reversal of Providence is an 85,000-word modern thriller with
elements of political intrigue and spy craft, blended with recent history. Readers
of authors like Frederick Forsyth, David Hagberg, Vince Flynn, and David Morrell's
spy fiction might enjoy this book.
What if , purely by accident, a cocky young man stumbles into a terrorist
plot set into motion years ago by the fall of the Soviet Union?
And is it just an accident, or is it fate? Are events in our lives directed
by God's will, or the wisdom of Allah? Reversal of Providence explores these themes.
In Seattle, a security expert gets in a car accident and stumbles upon a sinister
plot. In Chechnya, a teenager loses his father and is thrust into a new home that
will alter the course of his life.
Security salesman Ryan Anderson is on his way to deliver the proposal
of his career when he is derailed by a minor fender bender with a semi-truck. The
nervous truck driver doesn't want to involve the police, and tries to ditch him. But
bull-headed Ryan is not going away, and a woman he just met, beautiful attorney Jessica
Webb, is soon just as determined to find the true identity of the truck driver once
they are both attacked by thugs wielding knives in the middle of the night.
Set primarily in Seattle, the clock ticks for Ryan Anderson and Jessica Webb as we
learn of a plan created by factions of al-Qaeda and Chechen militants to incite an
all-out war between their two most hated enemies, the United States
and Russia. The Chechen, Zaman Uzuyev, is taken in by an imam at a mosque
in Grozny, and he matures into a hardened and brutal leader who will carry out the
terrorists' plan.
Ryan and Jessica must learn to trust each other as they gather clues and face
numerous obstacles, culminating in their capture by enemy Zaman in a deserted Seattle
scrap metal yard. As Zaman reveals his plan for the annihilation of two nations,
Jessica and Ryan struggle to escape and fight to defend themselves. Zaman
finally unveils his terrible weapon to annihilate the two nations, and the young couple
must defy insurmountable odds to stop the terrorist, and save each other.
And they are not your typical spy couple, all sleek and perfect. Ryan is rash
and bold, rough around the edges. Jessica is cerebral and cautious, measured, yet
drawn in by Ryan's charisma.
At the close of the book, they foil the terrorist plot so well that they are whisked
to the White House where the president implores them to work for the National Security
Agency. "Spies," he says, offering them a job. "You'd be damn good ones."
[I consider this part of the closing.] Reversal of
Providence is the first in a series featuring the duo of Jessica Webb and Ryan
Anderson. My goal is to create a modern, intelligent spy couple's adventures.
Comments: I was able to cut a lot of unnecessary detail from this hook, though
I worry that an agent/editor will not find that irresistible twist to make this this
spy story memorable. My gut says something more is needed to get manuscript requests
for this (but what I cut isn't the "more" that is needed). If we had a sentence or
so that made us excited about the spy couple pair, like some unusual aspect/circumstance
that brings them together in a distinctive way, that could be the twist.
ORIGINAL HOOK
Florence Allen's average life of a respected teacher and pastor's wife
crumbles when her adopted, emotionally scarred son, Scott, is arrested for assaulting
a teenage girl, in my completed 60,000- word mystery, GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.
With a mother's instinct, Florence bucks the opinion of Peabody's residents as she
sets out to prove that Scott's arrest is not an open and shut case. She stumbles through
the role of private investigator and stirs up resentment when she investigates the
victim's cousin, Amber and her friends. When one of the people she is investigating
ends up in the cornfield behind the Allen home, Florence becomes the main suspect
of their homicide. Determined to identify the culprit behind the crimes, she
ventures into dangerous territory to prove both Scott's and her innocence.
Florence clings to the strong foundation of her faith and the unfailing support of
her husband as she experiences tender moments, endures mysterious accidents, wrestles
with family conflict, and when she uncovers incriminating evidence, struggles with
doubt of her own son's innocence. Yet, through all this mayhem, lives change,
faith strengthens, and a bond of friendship springs from the ashes of pain.
REVISED HOOK
@font-face {Comments: Many hooks (like this one) include a paragraph at the
font-family: "Times";
}@font-face {
font-family: "Cambria";
}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; }
Florence Allen's average life as a respected teacher and pastor's wife crumbles when
her adopted son, Scott, is arrested for assaulting a teenage girl, in my completed
60,000-word mystery, GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.
With a mother's instinct, Florence bucks the opinion of Peabody's residents as she
sets out to prove that Scott's arrest is not an open and shut case. She stumbles through
the role of private investigator and stirs up resentment when she investigates the
victim's family and friends. When one person she investigates
ends up dead in the cornfield behind her home, Florence becomes the main suspect.
Determined to identify the culprit behind the crimes, she ventures into dangerous
territory to prove both Scott's and her innocence.
Florence clings to the strong foundation of her faith and the unfailing support
of her husband as she experiences tender moments, endures mysterious accidents, wrestles
with family conflict, and when she uncovers incriminating evidence, struggles with
doubt of her own son's innocence. Yet, through all this mayhem, lives change, faith
strengthens, and a bond of friendship springs from the ashes of pain.
beginning or end that emphasize the themes and/or emotional journey of the characters.
While the hook should get a reaction out of us (even touch us), telling it in this
way is rarely effective. It often seems cliche or overwrought. Whenever possible,
the story itself (and the voice of how that story is conveyed in the hook) should
hint at the emotional journey or depth. It's OK to refer specifically to a character's
emotional journey or to bigger meaning, but I advise limiting it to a sentence (do
not take a paragraph). Also, similar to the previous hook, I worry there's not yet
a distinctiveness here that will help set this mystery apart from others. (The title
isn't helping.)
ORIGINAL HOOK
The first time her momma goes off with one of the boyfriends for the whole
night, ten-year-old Rawling Summer decides she'll be the one doing the leaving as
soon as she knows how. But she doesn't know leaving your Momma and being free of her
are two different things.
A DECENT LIFE is Rawling's coming-of-age story set in Nordeen, a small southern town,
where not repeating your mother's life is as difficult as avoiding mosquitoes on a
hot summer night.
Rawling bides her time, avoiding Momma at home and the bullies at school. By the time
she's fifteen, she's talked her way into a job at the diner and is living in a room
upstairs. When she manages to graduate from high school, everyone in town thinks it's
a miracle. When she gets accepted to college to become a court reporter, no one believes
it. But when her mother dies in a car crash and ghosts from her mother's past come
to life, friends can only slow Rawling's slide backward. And no one, not even Roy,
her so-sweet and so-bad boyfriend, can save her when she learns about her daddy.
REVISED HOOK
The first time her momma goes off with one of the boyfriends for the whole
night, ten-year-old Rawling Summer decides she'll be the one doing the leaving as
soon as she knows how. But she doesn't know leaving your Momma and being free of her
are two different things.
A DECENT LIFE is Rawling's coming-of-age story set in a small southern town, where
not repeating your mother's life is as difficult as avoiding mosquitoes on a hot summer
night.
Rawling bides her time, avoiding Momma at home and the bullies at school.
By the time she's fifteen, she's talked her way into a job at the diner and is living
in a room upstairs. When she manages to graduate from high school, everyone in town
thinks it's a miracle. When she gets accepted to college to become a court reporter,
no one believes it. But when her mother dies in a car crash and ghosts from her mother's
past come to life, friends can only slow Rawling's slide backward. And no one, not
even Roy, her so-sweet and so-bad boyfriend, can save her when she learns about her
daddy.
Comments: The voice is so strong and distinctive in the first two paragraphs,
and raises enough intrigue, that I'd be comfortable stopping right there, and not
further elaborating. The only sticking point is that those 2 paragraphs may not hint
enough at the story arc. Some agents won't mind that. Others will. I would try testing
this hook by sending out 3-4 queries, tucking in the first page or two (which need
to be superlative), and seeing what agent response is like. If no one bites, then
perhaps the most critical elements of the third paragraph can be conveyed in about
1-2 sentences [probably the ghosts from the past? the daddy?], and be seamlessly worked
into those first 2 paragraphs. (That's not an easy task, for those wondering.)
Next up: Your query bio
[image error]
November 10, 2010
Ultimate Blog Series on Novel Queries (#3)
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly for
writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries will
come later.) Go back to
the beginning of the series.
GREAT NOVEL HOOKS MAKE IT LOOK OH-SO EASY!
Whenever I teach a class where we critique hooks, just about everyone can
point out the problems and talk about how to improve them. Why? Because when you're
not the writer, you have distance from
the work.
When you do come across a great novel hook, it feels so natural and easy—like it was
effortless to write.
But great novel hooks are often toiled over. To convey a compelling story in just
a few words is the test of a great writer. Generally, I recommend
that your hook not exceed 150 words.
Brevity is the soul of wit. Brevity is your friend.
Brevity gets you in less trouble, too. The more you try to explain, the more you'll
squeeze the life out of your story. So: Get in, get out. Don't labor over plot
twists and turns.
Let's look at some examples and how to improve them.
ORIGINAL HOOK
REVISED HOOK
Comments: I took out extraneous detail and repetitive information. We have
a challenge for each of the protagonists that's clearly defined, which is good. To
take this hook to the next level, I'd look for ways to incorporate a stronger sense
of voice and/or personality behind these characters. Right now, it is direct and plain
in expression, without much attitude.
–
ORIGINAL HOOK
REVISED HOOK
Comments: The big question I have after reading this hook: At what point does
the death of the husband occur? If it is near the end of the book, it probably shouldn't
be mentioned in the hook. If it is near the beginning of the book, then the hook needs
to focus on that death as the protagonist's challenge. The original hook spends a
lot of time on Lara's life *before* she marries. What percentage of the book is about
that story? Is it the key story? Is it just the first chapter or set up? Is her big
challenge really overcoming the death of her husband? It's unclear at this point what
the story problem is.
–
ORIGINAL
REVISED
Comments: I appreciate the author's attempts to better characterize his protagonists
in the first paragraph, but this kind of telling isn't usually effective in a hook.
It comes off as a laundry list of qualities that slow us down from getting to the
real story. The challenge here is to convey/show this characterization but not weigh
down the hook with description. I think the second paragraph might also be condensed/tightened,
but the premise is intriguing enough that I don't see much danger in outlining some
of these entertaining twists.
–
ORIGINAL
REVISED
Comments: The second paragraph of this hook conveys a level of detail that's unnecessary
to understanding the story problem. The last line offers the most intrigue (and the
best twist), in that we have a story where the protagonist doesn't know who she can
trust.
–
ORIGINAL
REVISED
feel like subplots or secondary complications, and as such, don't belong in this hook.
It might be helpful to be more specific and compelling about what this mother's shadowy
past is, since that appears to be the key problem/challenge for the protagonist, aside
from rebuilding relationships with the children. If the relationship-building with
the children is in fact the primary challenge of the novel, there is the danger of
insufficient forward momentum or lack of high stakes. How will success be determined
for this character? How will we know whether or not she gets what she wants?
I've also taken out reference to the protagonist writing a novel, and the novel-in-a-novel.
While this may very well be something that sets this work apart from all others, most
agents/editors aren't excited by stories about novelists. This kind of plot line might
feel too ordinary, or otherwise raise a red flag about the originality of the story
line.
Next up: More hook critiques!
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly for
writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries will
come later.) Go back to
the beginning of the series.
GREAT NOVEL HOOKS MAKE IT LOOK OH-SO EASY!
Whenever I teach a class where we critique hooks, just about everyone can
point out the problems and talk about how to improve them. Why? Because when you're
not the writer, you have distance from
the work.
When you do come across a great novel hook, it feels so natural and easy—like it was
effortless to write.
But great novel hooks are often toiled over. To convey a compelling story in just
a few words is the test of a great writer. Generally, I recommend
that your hook not exceed 150 words.
Brevity is the soul of wit. Brevity is your friend.
Brevity gets you in less trouble, too. The more you try to explain, the more you'll
squeeze the life out of your story. So: Get in, get out. Don't labor over plot
twists and turns.
Let's look at some examples and how to improve them.
ORIGINAL HOOK
Roswell Redemption, my 84,000-word historical novel, is told from
both the perspective of Jade, a thirteen year old Cherokee Indian girl in 1838, and
from Carolyn, a woman in current day searching for a historical home in the town of
Roswell, Georgia. Their stories come together in Greyson Manor.
1838 – Jade Hawkins is the only daughter of a prominent Cherokee family who own one
of the most successful plantations in the Cherokee Nation. President Andrew
Jackson defies the Supreme Court ruling stating the Cherokee land must remain with
the Cherokee and forces Georgia Governor Lumpkin to conduct a land lottery. The Hawkins
plantation is taken over by David Greyson, the lottery winner, by force. In one horrendous
day, Jade's life changes forever. Her story takes us through the Civil War and how
her strength and sacrifices change the history of several families for many years
to come.
2010 – Carolyn Kane searches for a historical dwelling to restore as a restaurant
and event facility in the northern Georgia town of Roswell. Carolyn finds the
perfect home to restore in Greyson Manor, one of the only remaining original plantations
still standing. The story behind Greyson Manor has remained untold and the current
owners have been unwilling to renovate or sell. As Carolyn strives to persuade the
Greyson clan, she uncovers a story about an Indian girl that will change the town
of Roswell forever.
REVISED HOOK
Roswell Redemption, my 84,000-word historical novel, is told from
both the perspective of Jade, a 13-year-old Cherokee Indian girl in 1838, and from
Carolyn, a woman in current day searching for a historical home in the town of Roswell,
Georgia. Their stories come together in Greyson Manor.
1838 – Jade Hawkins is the only daughter of a prominent Cherokee family who own one
of the most successful plantations in the Cherokee Nation. President Andrew
Jackson defies the Supreme Court ruling stating the Cherokee land must remain with
the Cherokee and forces Georgia Governor Lumpkin to conduct a land lottery. But
Hawkins plantation is taken over by force as a result of government
decree. David Greyson, the lottery winner, by force. In one horrendous
day, Jade's life changes forever. Her story Jade's story takes us through
the Civil War and how she changes the history of several families for many years to
come.
2010 – Carolyn Kane searches for a property where she can open a historical
dwelling to restore as a restaurant and event facility in the northern
Georgia town of Roswell. Carolyn finds the perfect home to restore
in Greyson Manor, one of the only remaining original plantations still standing. The
story behind Greyson Manor has remained untold and the However, the current
owners have been unwilling to renovate. As Carolyn strives to persuade the Greyson
clan to sell, she uncovers a story about an Indian girl that will change the town
of Roswell forever.
Comments: I took out extraneous detail and repetitive information. We have
a challenge for each of the protagonists that's clearly defined, which is good. To
take this hook to the next level, I'd look for ways to incorporate a stronger sense
of voice and/or personality behind these characters. Right now, it is direct and plain
in expression, without much attitude.
–
ORIGINAL HOOK
The enclosed sample of my commercial fiction, The Spirit of St. Charles,
tells the story of a young woman overcoming personal tragedy to rebuild her community,
ruined by a catastrophic hurricane. This story shows how a natural disaster changes
a young woman from living like a victim to a person with determination and emotional
strength. It is 73,000 words in length.
Lara Jackson, a young black woman, returns to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.
She conquers a tragic childhood brought up by a mother who is an abusive alcoholic
with a series of live-in boyfriends. Lara carries a fear of men following an attack
on the streets of New Orleans when she was sixteen.
Lara has returned to New Orleans to find her aunt and uncle, Noreen and Henry, who
have been her substitute parents since she was ten. During her search, she finds
tThey have escaped the flood by moving in with Henry's brother Phillip in an old mansion
in the Garden District. She works with them to rebuild their old house where
they move back to a deserted neighbourhood.
Finding romance with a white musician, the couple must face a rising crime rate in
her former fun loving city as they struggle to build careers in the entertainment
business. She becomes a strong woman who must face a house break-in and the death
of her husband. Conquering her bereavement, she joins the Mayor's campaign to fight
crime and to rebuild the community in memory of Jerome.
REVISED HOOK
The enclosed sample of my commercial fiction, The
Spirit of St. Charles (73,000 words) tells the story of a young woman overcoming
personal tragedy to rebuilding her community ruined by a catastrophic hurricane. This
story shows how a natural disaster changes a young woman from living like a victim
to a person with determination and emotional strength. It is 73,000 words in length.
Lara Jackson, a young black woman, returns to New Orleans after Hurricane
Katrina. She conquers a tragic childhood brought up by a mother who is an abusive
alcoholic with a series of live-in boyfriends. Lara carries a fear of men following
an attack on the streets of New Orleans when she was sixteen.
Lara Jackson, a young black woman, returns to New Orleans to find her aunt and uncle,
Noreen and Henry, who have been her substitute parents since she was ten. During
her search, she finds They have escaped the flood by moving in with Henry's brother
Phillip in an old mansion in the Garden District. She works with them to
rebuild their old house and move back in. where they move back to a deserted
neighbourhood.
Lara marries a white musician, and the couple must face a rising crime rate in
her former fun loving city as they struggle to build careers in the entertainment
business. She becomes a strong woman who must face a house break-in and the
death of her husband. Conquering her bereavement, she joins the Mayor's campaign to
fight crime and to rebuild the community in memory of Jerome. [needs
to be revised based on answers to questions below]
Comments: The big question I have after reading this hook: At what point does
the death of the husband occur? If it is near the end of the book, it probably shouldn't
be mentioned in the hook. If it is near the beginning of the book, then the hook needs
to focus on that death as the protagonist's challenge. The original hook spends a
lot of time on Lara's life *before* she marries. What percentage of the book is about
that story? Is it the key story? Is it just the first chapter or set up? Is her big
challenge really overcoming the death of her husband? It's unclear at this point what
the story problem is.
–
ORIGINAL
Shakespeare's on death row. That's the message a magical orb, with the
power to shape-shift and time-travel, gives middle-school siblings Jared and Athena
Hearne. According to the siblings, no one's more qualified to be his rescuers than
them. After all, twelve-year-old Jared's a Lego master and killer skateboarder who's
always game for an adventure, and older sister Athena's a bona fide drama queen: she's
going to be Queen Titania in the school play. They zip to Elizabethan England and
spring Shakespeare from his cell.
But talk about a comedy of errors. Shakespeare hijacks the orb and returns to modern
times with Jared, leaving Athena stranded in the sixteenth century. Eager to experience
his brave new world, the Bard goes on the lam. He "borrows" the high school quarterback's
Mustang and ends up in a tournament at Laser Tag World. Jared gives chase, desperate
to nab the problematic poet and herd him back to 1582. Until, that is, the orb is
stolen. Now Jared has a new mission: to hunt down the thief. Or else, Shakespeare
will be in line for a green card. And Athena's history.
REVISED
Shakespeare's on death row. That's the message a magical orb, with the
power to shape-shift and time-travel, gives middle-school siblings Jared and Athena
Hearne. According to the siblings, no one's more qualified to be his rescuers
than them. After all, twelve-year-old Jared's a Lego master and killer skateboarder
who's always game for an adventure, and older sister Athena's a bona fide drama queen:
she's going to be Queen Titania in the school play. They zip to Elizabethan
England and spring Shakespeare from his cell.
But talk about a comedy of errors. Shakespeare hijacks the orb and returns to modern
times with Jared, leaving Athena stranded in the sixteenth century. Eager to experience
his brave new world, the Bard goes on the lam. He "borrows" the high school quarterback's
Mustang and ends up in a tournament at Laser Tag World. Jared gives chase, desperate
to nab the problematic poet and herd him back to 1582. Until, that is, the orb is
stolen. Now Jared has a new mission: to hunt down the thief. Or else, Shakespeare
will be in line for a green card. And Athena's history.
Comments: I appreciate the author's attempts to better characterize his protagonists
in the first paragraph, but this kind of telling isn't usually effective in a hook.
It comes off as a laundry list of qualities that slow us down from getting to the
real story. The challenge here is to convey/show this characterization but not weigh
down the hook with description. I think the second paragraph might also be condensed/tightened,
but the premise is intriguing enough that I don't see much danger in outlining some
of these entertaining twists.
–
ORIGINAL
Currents of Freedom is a 95,000 word romance/suspense novel.
After Melinda Smithfield drops her husband, Mark, off at the L.A. airport, she makes
a circuitous trip to Ventura Harbor where her new life awaits. Plagued by nervous
nausea for weeks, her handsome but horrid husband gloated at the thought that she
was pregnant. If he'd had any clue she wasn't going to have his baby and wouldn't
be home when he returned from London, he would have never left town.
Pride can be such an ugly animal. It would have been so much simpler if he had agreed
to a divorce. She decided his vicious hands would never touch her again and had no
choice but to begin a new life far away from California and, unfortunately, her younger
sister. Taking her chances on a seedy broker, she found a deal on a sailboat and headed
out to sea. And the adventure begins. When Mark discovers his wife is gone,
the media unwittingly begins a campaign to help him post a $100,000 reward to bring
her back.
Seeking refuge in the beautiful islands of the Pacific Northwest, Melinda finds unexpected
sources of friendship and love. After months of happiness, her peace and serenity
are shattered when Mark kidnaps her from Little Fox Island. In the fight for her life,
Melinda must find a way to escape her husband again to save the new life she has built
with the handsome English teacher, Noah. She doesn't dare believe Mark when he tells
her Noah called for the reward money. But, who told him where she was hiding?
REVISED
Currents of Freedom is a 95,000-word romantic suspense novel.
After Melinda Smithfield drops her husband, Mark, at the L.A. airport, she makes
a circuitous trip to heads for Ventura Harbor where her new life awaits. Plagued
by nervous nausea for weeks, Her handsome but horrid husband had gloated
at the thought that she was pregnant, but if he'd had any clue she wasn't
going to have his baby and wouldn't be home when he returned from London,
he would have never left town.
Pride can be such an ugly animal. It would have been so much simpler if he
had agreed to a divorce. She decided his vicious hands would never touch her again
and had no choice but to begin a new life far away from California and, unfortunately,
her younger sister. Taking her chances on a seedy broker, she found a deal on a sailboat
and headed out to sea. And the adventure begins.
When Mark discovers his wife gone, the media unwittingly begins a campaign to help
him post a $100,000 reward to bring her back. Seeking refuge in the beautiful
islands of the Pacific Northwest, Melinda finds unexpected sources of friendship and
love. After months of happy refuge in the Pacific Northwest, Melinda's peace
and serenity are shattered when Mark kidnaps her from Little Fox Island. In the fight
for her life, Melinda must find a way to escape her husband to save the new life she
has built with handsome English teacher Noah. She doesn't dare believe Mark when he
tells her Noah called for the reward money. But then, who told Mark where she was
hiding?
Comments: The second paragraph of this hook conveys a level of detail that's unnecessary
to understanding the story problem. The last line offers the most intrigue (and the
best twist), in that we have a story where the protagonist doesn't know who she can
trust.
–
ORIGINAL
Sentimental Journey is a 95,000-word women's fiction.
Main character Meredith Fields is dealing with guilt over placing her mother, who
has advanced Alzheimer's, in a nursing home, and resentment about having to clear
out her mother's house by herself. Her husband, Keith, tells her he's fallen in love
with his young assistant, Caitlin, and wants a divorce.
Her daughter Betz blames her for her father's infidelity, and her son Michael acts
like he couldn't care less. Her agent is on her case to give him something on her
new book, the one she hasn't conceived yet, although he doesn't know this. As she
explores her mother's shadowy past, intending to use it as the basis of her new book,
Meredith recognizes much of her mother in herself. She begins to understand why her
mother related so poorly to her children, and is shaken by parallels in her own relationships
with Betz and Michael. She sets out to reconnect with her children and hopefully break
the intergenerational chain of destructive and emotionally scarring behaviors.
Sentimental Journey includes the beginning of a novel within the novel, currently
titled Hope's Illusion, which is part of the story line, and which I intend to expand
and complete as a separate novel.
REVISED
Sentimental Journey is a 95,000-word women's fiction.Comments: The series of problems outlined in the second paragraph
Main character Meredith Fields is dealing with guilt over placing
her mother, who has advanced Alzheimer's, in a nursing home, and resentment
about having to clear out her mother's house by herself. while her husband,
Keith, has fallen in love with his young assistant and wants a divorce.
Her daughter Betz blames her for her father's infidelity, and her son Michael
acts like he couldn't care less. Her agent is on her case to give him something on
her new book, the one she hasn't conceived yet, although he doesn't know this. As
she explores her mother's shadowy past, intending to use it as the basis of
her new book, Meredith recognizes much of her mother in herself. She begins
to understand why her mother related so poorly to her children, and is shaken by parallels
in her own relationships with her son and daughter. She sets out to reconnect with
her children and break the chain of destructive behavior.
Sentimental Journey includes the beginning of a novel within the novel, currently
titled Hope's Illusion, which is part of the story line, and which I intend
to expand and complete as a separate novel.
feel like subplots or secondary complications, and as such, don't belong in this hook.
It might be helpful to be more specific and compelling about what this mother's shadowy
past is, since that appears to be the key problem/challenge for the protagonist, aside
from rebuilding relationships with the children. If the relationship-building with
the children is in fact the primary challenge of the novel, there is the danger of
insufficient forward momentum or lack of high stakes. How will success be determined
for this character? How will we know whether or not she gets what she wants?
I've also taken out reference to the protagonist writing a novel, and the novel-in-a-novel.
While this may very well be something that sets this work apart from all others, most
agents/editors aren't excited by stories about novelists. This kind of plot line might
feel too ordinary, or otherwise raise a red flag about the originality of the story
line.
Next up: More hook critiques!
[image error]
November 9, 2010
Ultimate Blog Series on Novel Queries (#2)
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly for
writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries will
come later.) Go
back and read Part 1.
THE 3 ELEMENTS OF A NOVEL HOOK
The novel hook is where you sell your story. It should spark the agent/editor to request
the manuscript. And don't forget, this is the sole purpose of the query:
Marcus Sakey has argued, you should be able to write a compelling hook (and/or
query) without even having written a manuscript. The two have NOTHING to do with each
other.
To write a hook well usually
requires achieving distance from your work, so that you can spin it in a compelling
way that doesn't get bogged down in the plot details.
You should boil down your story to these 3 elements:
Protagonist(s)
Protagonist problem
Setting/context (sometimes even this isn't really needed)
Then you must add the SIZZLE, or that one thing that sets your work apart from all
others in the genre, that makes your story stand out. What makes this story uniquely
yours?
When a hook is well-written but boring, it is usually because it lacks anything fresh.
It's the same old formula without distinction. The protagonist feels one-dimensional
(or like every other protagonist), the story angle is something we've seen too many
times, the premise doesn't even raise an eyebrow. The agent or editor is thinking,
"Sigh. Another one of these?"
This is the toughest part of the hook—finding that special je ne sais quois that
makes someone say, "Wow, I've got to see more of this!"
And this is often how an editor or agent gauges if you're a storyteller worth spending
time on.
Sometimes great hooks can be botched because there is no life, voice, or personality
in them.
Sometimes so-so hooks can be taken to the next level because they convey a liveliness
or personality that is seductive.
You want to be one of those seductive writers.
Next up: We'll take a look at specific hooks.
[image error]
This is my definitive No Rules series on novel queries. It's meant particularly for
writers who are new to the query process. (A series on nonfiction book queries will
come later.) Go
back and read Part 1.
THE 3 ELEMENTS OF A NOVEL HOOK
The novel hook is where you sell your story. It should spark the agent/editor to request
the manuscript. And don't forget, this is the sole purpose of the query:
To seduce the agent/editor into reading or requesting your workAs
Marcus Sakey has argued, you should be able to write a compelling hook (and/or
query) without even having written a manuscript. The two have NOTHING to do with each
other.
To write a hook well usually
requires achieving distance from your work, so that you can spin it in a compelling
way that doesn't get bogged down in the plot details.
You should boil down your story to these 3 elements:
Protagonist(s)
Protagonist problem
Setting/context (sometimes even this isn't really needed)
Then you must add the SIZZLE, or that one thing that sets your work apart from all
others in the genre, that makes your story stand out. What makes this story uniquely
yours?
When a hook is well-written but boring, it is usually because it lacks anything fresh.
It's the same old formula without distinction. The protagonist feels one-dimensional
(or like every other protagonist), the story angle is something we've seen too many
times, the premise doesn't even raise an eyebrow. The agent or editor is thinking,
"Sigh. Another one of these?"
This is the toughest part of the hook—finding that special je ne sais quois that
makes someone say, "Wow, I've got to see more of this!"
And this is often how an editor or agent gauges if you're a storyteller worth spending
time on.
Sometimes great hooks can be botched because there is no life, voice, or personality
in them.
Sometimes so-so hooks can be taken to the next level because they convey a liveliness
or personality that is seductive.
You want to be one of those seductive writers.
Next up: We'll take a look at specific hooks.
[image error]
Jane Friedman
The future of writing, publishing, and all media—as well as being human at electric speed.
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