Hanne Blank's Blog, page 7

The Hanne Blank Literary Gift Guide

Happy Pigduff!  Pigduff, for the uninitiated, is how you pronounce the acronym PGDFF.  The acronym, in turn, was coined by my genius friend Agnes, and it stands for Pretty God Damn Fucking Festive.  It refers to the holidays we in North America tend to celebrate during the month of December.

All of them.

By happy coincidence, “all of them” is also the number of such holidays for which books that I have written would make wonderful, nay, brilliantly inspired gifts.

But of course it can be difficult to know what books to give to whom, can’t it?  Books are such a personal thing, and it’s hard to say what a specific person will like, and maybe a gift certificate would just be easier… hang on just a minute.

To help you decide which of my books to give to whom, a gift guide!

The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise and Other Incendiary Acts

Suitable for: Your friend or relative who who talks about wanting to exercise more but seems reticent to actually do it.  Your exercise class instructor. Anyone who liked Big Big Love.  Your doctor.  Your walking buddy.  The office exercise addict.  Triathlon dreamers. Armchair quarterbacks.

 

Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size and Those Who Love Them

Suitable for:  The person you’ve got the hots for.  The person you’re dating.  The person you’re partnered with.  Anyone who’s ever told you you’ve got “such a pretty face.”  Your mom, who worries about whether you’ll find a boyfriend.  Your therapist. That person you work with who doesn’t know s/he’s beautiful.

Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality

Suitable for: Your parents.  Your Tea Party-affiliated uncle, or your aunt the professor (especially if they’re married to each other).  Your queer brother.  Your straight sister.  Either one’s fiance/e.  The guy who’s always listening to NPR on his headphones at work.  Anyone you know who might be wondering about sexual orientation, whether theirs or anyone else’s.

 

Virgin: The Untouched History

Suitable for: Smart teenagers and young adults who can handle a bit of history.  Anyone who grew up Catholic.  Your Women’s Studies prof.  Your mom.  Your favorite clergyperson.  The person you lost your virginity with.   Fans of romance novels. Anyone who works with or cares about women’s health.

 

Unruly Appetites: Erotic Fiction

Suitable for: The person you’re knocking boots with.  The person you’d like to be knocking boots with.  Your best friend.  Also an excellent thing to tuck into anonymous office gift exchanges, where no one knows who contributed what…

 

The above links take you to Powells.com, but if you’d like to order from one of the many small excellent independent bookstores that very much deserve your business, please contact my good friends at:  Charis Books and More, Atomic Books, or Giovanni’s Room.

                                      

among the things love looks like

This is a glimpse of my desk in my Southern Office, here in Georgia at the Philosopher’s house.  It is one of the things love looks like.

The Philosopher built my office for me, first from the desk and chair I bought at IKEA, but then, and wonderfully, from his own head and heart.  When I arrived here a few weeks ago to spend the holiday season, there was a big red-and-gold bow on the door, and a room beyond that had been stocked, beautifully and thoughtfully, with shelves and desk organizers, lamps and pens and notebooks and binder clips.  It is hard to imagine a better present.

That bowl of tea, too, is his doing.  He is not the only person I know who likes to make a morning beverage for his sweetheart as a love-token.  But it is not just a morning ritual.  Last night he brought me a hot bowl of tea while I was sitting in the near-dark, just my desktop candle burning, struggling to write my way through a difficult, painful knot of book.  It made all the difference.  Another of the things love looks like.

                                      

Incendiary Acts! Get your Incendiary Acts here!

As many of you begin to think about — or perhaps panic about — winter holiday shopping, I note that I have a new book out, with an official drop date of Boxing Day, December 26.

Introducing… The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise and Other Incendiary Acts!  

It’s an upbeat book about exercise for, y’know, people who look like me.  And possibly you.  It’s not a “how to exercise” book, although it does include a handful of suggestions for particular exercises to get you started.

It’s more of a “how to get yourself to do… and keep doing… this thing that can be so difficult” book, because as virtually everyone knows, fat or not, if it were as simple and easy as “just do it,” a whole lot more of us would.

It doesn’t matter what size or shape you are.  It doesn’t matter if your size or shape changes, or in what direction.  It doesn’t matter if your physical abilities are non-standard.

(Pro tip: It also doesn’t matter if you’re not fat.  Or if you’re not a girl.  And never mind if you’re not already unapologetic or incendiary.  I’ve got your back.)

There’s no “should” about this book.  There’s a whole lot of “can,” though.   And a whole lot of you being the authority on your own body, and doing things for your own damn reasons and not someone else’s, and heaping helpings of doing what feels good.

Clicky on the book cover (or right here!) to go to the lovely people at Powell’s.com, where you may order it online.  Or, if you want to make me happy, order it from your favorite independent bookstore!  Three I know would be more than happy to get it, or any of my other books, for you:

Atomic Books

Charis Books and More

Giovanni’s Room

You may, in fact, be able to get it in time for Christmas.  And you can definitely get it in time for New Years, should you be the New Years Resolution type.

While you’re at it, pick up a copy of Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size and Those Who Love Them, too!

 

                                      

Hymen Wars!

What do grave-robbing, lidless jars, chickpeas, and the book of Deuteronomy have in common?

Why, they’re all part of the history of the hymen — check out my talk “Hymen Wars,” given at Virginia Commonwealth University in November.

Lasts about an hour. Should be worksafe — it’s history — but you know your workplace better than I.

                                      

Listen up!

Just for you, a link to me talking with Rachel Rubin of WUMB about my book Straight, my work on size and sexuality, and many other things.  I really enjoyed doing this interview, and I hope you’ll enjoy listening.

 

 

                                      

from the department of “wish I’d done that myself”

This song (and accompanying video) are the best response to abusive online commenters I’ve ever seen.

Also an excellent response to some reviewers, now that I think about it.

Oh, I needed that.

And in case you’re wondering, there are in fact still books available for sale in my Author Copies Book Sale. Including two out-of-print titles… so don’t delay, they are an endangered species!

                                      

Author Copies Book Sale!

Having just moved house and hauled a whole bunch of author copies of my own books up several flights of stairs, it occurs to me that I’d like to haul them back down again.  You can help… by buying them.

Help a hardworking writer free up some shelf space and soothe the troubled post-moving-house brow of her inner exchequer by acquiring some snazzy books that’ll make you smarter and sexier even if all you ever do is admire how nice they look on your shelf!

I’ve listed a number of brand spanking new, never-opened, never-read copies of several of my books, including two that are out of print, on Etsy, where they can be purchased a la carte…

OUT OF PRINT:

Big Big Love: A Sourcebook on Sex for People of Size and Those Who Love Them (2000, trade paper), $40, 4 copies available

Virgin: The Untouched History (2007, hardback), $30, 5 copies available

Virgin: The Untouched History (2008, trade paper), $25, 5 copies available

STILL IN PRINT:

Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality (2012, hardback), $25, 10 copies available

Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size and Those Who Love Them (2011, trade paper), $15, 10 copies available

Zaftig: Well Rounded Erotica (2002, trade paper), $20, 4 copies available

 

All books can be signed and/or inscribed to you or the recipient of your choice.

All books will be shipped via USPS Priority Mail from my smoke-free abode.

Every book will ship with a little bonus tidbit or trinket, randomly chosen from among the vast stores of random tidbits and trinkets in my office.

Anyone wishing to buy copies of all the books available — Big Big Love 1.0, Zaftig, Virgin (hardback), Big Big Love 2.0, and Straight – can get a package deal for $125 including shipping/handling.  Email me at hanne dot blank at gmail if you want this deal and we can coordinate.

                                      

why the internet exists

As we all know, the Internet was invented so that people could post photographs of their pets for the world to see. (Hush. Everyone who’s anyone knows that DARPA actually stands for D’Aaaw, Remarkably Precious Animals. The military thing is just a front.)

Sometimes people use the Internet to post other things. But mostly it’s pictures of animals.

So I’m just using the Internet for its intended purpose when I tell you that this morning, I went back upstairs to find a wee tiny little ball of dog all curled up in my temporary bed.  His head, originally, was on the pillows, but he lifted it up to look at me when I walked in.  Behold the cuteness of a hundred-pound dog who has made himself into the tiniest possible little roundy pillow of puppy.

Later, he was back to his usual noble exploratory self when I put him on a string and took him to a state park for a little walk in the woods.  There were chipmunks down in the rocks and leaves down that slope toward the water, and it was Most Exciting.

These photos of my pet are by way of saying that I am very pleased to report that my dog is providing top-notch service these days, even so soon after a stressful inter-state move.  He even let me snuggle him while he was curled up in my bed, and he normally is not fond of being snuggled in such a context, monkeys being so demanding and always wanting to fuss a fellow and skritch him and fuzzle his ears just when he’s finally gotten back to sleep.

 

                                      

Like a Bad Penny

Return-related metaphors tend to be either grandiose or disgruntled. The returning person or thing is a phoenix… or a dog coming back to its vomit. The boomerang, I suppose, is relatively neutral, but I never have succeeded in getting one to come back in my direction, and thus I do not trust that they do so on general principle.

Be that as it may, I have returned to New England, after my protracted Baltimorean sojourn. The process has not been in the slightest phoenix-like. It has been entirely flame-free. Thankfully it is also true that no vomit has been involved. (There is, however, a dog.) Let’s not talk about the boomerangs. Instead let it simply be said that I’m back to being comfortably north of the 42nd parallel, and slowly beginning both to get my bearings and to move things from my giant shipping container into my new digs.

Just before my actual move, I traveled to, of all places, Natchitoches, Louisiana, to attend the high school graduation of this fine young man, who I’m proud to say graduated with honors from the quite selective and demanding Louisiana School for Math, Science, and the Arts.

The young man in question is my Philosopher’s youngest child.  The Philosopher, happy to be in the midst of all three of his sons, is visible here.

I can’t say I was a big fan of Natchitoches, although I can give a wholehearted recommendation of the outstanding tamales sold at the farmer’s market by the rather taciturn fellow from Zwolle.  Of the famed Natchitoches Meat Pie I cannot say as much in favor.  (Sorry, the Zwolle Tamale is by far the superior meat-encased-in-starch food item.)

I do, however, covet the sash and tiara awarded to Miss Natchitoches Meat Pie, which can only make the life of the Natchitoches Meat Pie Queen a glamorous one. So glamorous in fact that I must show you the tiara, as worn by currently reigning Meat Pie Queen Katlyn Lee Peavy.

It may be true that I have hatched a plan to, er, “borrow” this tiara and its accompanying sash and ceremonial cape for a coordinated commando photographic invasion of the town of Chunky, Mississippi for my next set of author photos.  (Surely there must be a “Welcome to Chunky” sign next to which I could pose?  I know they have a town hall…)  Be on the alert, Kyle Cassidy.

The move itself has been only halfway effected.  My Baltimore posse helped me load the big container, whereupon The Cat Space Moving Co. spirited it away to Cat Space, which is that place cats go when you know they’re around someplace but you can’t find them anywhere and they have, for all intents and purposes, simply vanished.  The container has since rematerialized here in central Massachusetts, where we are grouchily enduring the chill rains of what my dear Elizabeth Bear refers to as “Junuary.”  One is given to understand that it’s meant to at least not rain this weekend when my New England bodhisattvas of moving karma will help me unload said big container.  I am holding you to that, Weather Underground, do you hear me?

Work-wise, I am pleased to note that the The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise and Other Incendiary Acts is about to go to production, and will be out from Ten Speed in early 2013.  I’ve also just signed a contract for a quirky, delightful project about MFK Fisher that I’ll be doing for Feminist Press.  Not a biography (Joan Reardon already wrote that, and it’s very good) but a short book about my relationship to Fisher’s work, speaking as a reader, writer, cook, eater, and feminist.  You can look for that later in 2013.

The trade paper edition of Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality is due out soonish, too.  There are, as ever, other projects simmering, but we don’t talk about those until the ink’s dry on the contracts.

Oh!  I would be remiss if I didn’t remind you all that I am booking campus visits, lectures, and suchlike for fall semester.  Want me to speak at your college, university, high school, or even your corporate campus?  Let’s talk!

Also, I have space in my schedule for one or two developmental editing projects this summer.  If you are working on a book or book proposal, and have been thinking about hiring an experienced editor to help you develop your book and get it ready for presentation to publishers, agents, and so forth, talk to me.

 

 

 

                                      

Upcoming Events: New England, New York, Bay Area, and Beyond

Long time no post, I know.

Big changes afoot, y'all.  I'm in the process of moving back to New England after way too many years away, and, well, let us simply say that life is complicated but at least it's not boring, shall we?

I'm about to be doing a whole mess of events in the next month, and I'm terrifically excited, so I wanted to let you all know!

At Charis Books in Atlanta, last November!

Baltimore, Atomic Books, 3/29 at 7 pm

Reading/Q&A/signing for Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality, with my co-pilot Jo Paoletti, and her book Pink and Blue: Telling the Boys from the Girls in America

Washington, D.C. Momentum conference, 3/30-4/1

I'll be at the Momentum conference along with so, so many other fabulous sex writers, scholars, researchers, activists, and other professionals.  My panel's on fat, sex, and the Internet, and features the brilliant Therese Shechter and Chloe Angyal.

Cambridge MA, Harvard Bookstore, 4/5 at 7 pm

Reading/Q&A/signing for Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality

Amherst MA, Food for Thought Books Collective, at 7 pm

Reading/Q&A/signing for Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality

Sponsored by the utterly awesome Stonewall Center at University of Massachusetts, Amherst.

New York, Bluestockings, 4/11 at 7 pm

Reading/Q&A/signing for Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality

Philadelphia, Giovanni's Room 4/13 at 5:30 pm

Reading/Q&A/signing for Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality

Carlisle, PA, Dickinson College, 4/17

I'll be at Dickinson College, speaking about fat, sex, relationships, love, sexual orientation, virginity, heterosexuality, and probably quite a bit more…

… in the Bay Area…

San Francisco, Center for Sex and Culture, 4/21

An Evening with Hanne Blank

Since 2000, Hanne Blank has spent her time working, writing, and helping people think and thrive at the intersection of bodies, sex, and culture.  Join her for a rare, one-night-only Bay Area evening of whip-smart, dead sexy spoken word spanning the smutty, the intellectual, the historical, and the hysterical, a lap dance for your mind-body split.

From Big Big Love and Unruly Appetites to Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality and beyond, Blank will read from her published work as well as offering up never-before-performed gems from the vaults and limited-edition collections.  Come on out and enjoy an evening of straight-from-the-hip smarts and smartassery with a writer the New York Times calls "intriguing, thought-provoking" and Gay City News calls "a national treasure… one of our most creative and informed thinkers about sex."  (Tickets available from the CSC.)

NOTE: If you plan to attend this event and you have a request for me to read a specific piece of mine, email me (hanne dot blank at gmail) and tell me.  I might just reward you with a personal performance.

San Francisco, Good Vibrations Polk Street, 4/22, from 3-5 pm

Big Big Love: The Workshop (register for the workshop here)

Some things really are one size fits all… like fantastic, empowered, body-loving sex! Hanne Blank, author of the all-new revised Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them), brings her signature mix of self-acceptance, sexiness, and sexual savoir-faire to people of all genders and orientations and bodies of all sizes of large. Come talk and learn about the ins and outs of sex toys, sex aids, and positions for big folks — of course you can get on top! — as well as ways to cope with the sex-related insecurities that go along with living in a culture where you can never be too rich or too thin. Bring your questions and be prepared to supersize your sex life.

Moraga, CA, St. Mary's College, 4/23

I'll be on the St. Mary's campus to talk about my work, particularly as a historian of sexuality… there'll be heterosexuals, virgins, scandals, and many other indefinite objects!

San Francisco, Good Vibrations Valencia Street, 4/24 at 7 pm

Reading/Q&A/signing for Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality

 

Please come out, come out, wherever you are! I can't wait to see you!