Mark Tullius's Blog, page 25

Brilliant

[image error]I was going through emails yesterday and saw one that I’d completely forgotten. My brother, Steve, had sent over the first chapter of the book he’s currently writing. He asked for reviews and edits. That was nearly three months ago.

I’m pretty sure he meant he’d like my comments in private, but I sometimes lean on the lazy side and figured it’d be too much work writing this and a separate email to him. Plus, he’s my younger brother so I’m pretty sure I still call the shots.

I read the chapter and couldn’t have been happier. Steve’s a great writer who puts his voice on the page like he’s having a conversation with the reader. His passages flow from one to the next and I had no real suggestions on how to improve. But what I’m most excited about is the material he covers in Birthright.

Steve promises to show us how to regain abundant health and happiness, something our society has conditioned us out of. He describes where we are as a species and where we are headed, a dark place that reminds me of the world I’ve created in 25 Perfect Days.  I like how we both have the same awareness and fears, but instead of showing the ugly side of what might happen, Birthright is going to give people the tools and knowledge to prevent such a world from ever occurring.

Some may say I’m biased and not give much credit to my praise, but that’s cool. I am biased. Steve has changed my life with the books, knowledge, and positivity that him and his wife, Erin, have introduced to me. We’ve had philosophy talks into the early morning and I love his approach and what it is capable of.

This is going to be a powerful book that will help many and I’m proud to say I knew this guy way back when he was still little enough to pin down and I’d pretend to spit on his face (sorry for all the ones that slipped.) Love you, Steve, great work. Hurry up and get this out into the world. We can use it.

 

I also recommend everyone check out Steve, Erin, and Tyler as they travel around the world. They are a constant source of inspiration, showing us that we can do whatever it is we truly want to do in life. Life is short, why not enjoy it. Click here to check out their website. They are also writing a series of cute children books that you can find here.

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How a Great Day Ended in Tears

Life’s been good and I’m not complaining, but I went through a little funk last week after returning from an awesome trip to the Northwest. I felt overwhelmed for several days, not able to work when I had the chance, and I didn’t know what was wrong. I attributed it to having too many projects on my plate and not focusing on small tasks at hand. Instead of trying to fight a losing battle, I decided to set all my work to the side and enjoy my family.

I’m not the kind of guy who just throws parties, especially at the last minute, but I invited some friends and family with kids over for a pool party on Monday. My daughter had a blast playing with her friends she’d been asking about for the past few months and all of us adults had a great time too. Between the back flips, launching kids into the pool, and taking full-speed punches from my nephews, my body took some abuse, but it was worth it.

Later that night after all the fun was over and my daughter was asleep, I made my way to the office hoping to get back to work. The party had re-energized me, but I couldn’t focus, most of my thoughts on how good it’d been to see everyone and how seldom we make that attempt. I thought I’d thrown the party for my daughter, but I realized it was just as much for me. I needed friends and family around. I wanted to see the kids laughing. That’s because the guy who grew up next door to me and had been my best friend since we were old enough to walk from his backyard to mine, wasn’t able to be there. A few days before he had texted me some terrible news about his mother and uncle. It was cancer, the kind people don’t bounce back from. Instead of calling him right then, I tried to fit my inadequate response in 320 characters. I had no idea what to tell him or if he’d even want to hear it. I did what most of us do when we think of death and tried to ignore it.

I couldn’t ignore it any more on Monday. I was ashamed at myself, how I’d gone on living, having an incredible time celebrating friends and family while a good friend was going through some of the toughest shit he’ll ever face. It got me thinking about just how much him and his family mean to me, how I let them fade out of my life, a phone call here or email there the only thing keeping us connected. Rich’s house was a second home to me, much of my time spent over there. His older brother, Tim, was one of my idols and I’ll always be grateful for him introducing me to AC/DC’s Hell’s Bells when I was seven or eight. Their mom and dad always made me feel so welcome and loved, a real part of their family, taking me on the annual fishing trips to Bishop and so many other fun places. I experienced so much with these people and am a much better person for it.

I’m not a super emotional guy, but it didn’t take long before the tears were coming. I was thinking of Rich’s mom, thinking back to all the times we were kids. Every time I pictured her, she always looked the same, a big smile on her face.

I hadn’t planned on writing this post and wasn’t sure how I felt about sharing it, but I think it’s good to be reminded about things like this. Life is precious, enjoy the hell out of it. Appreciate the relationships that you have. Love those around you and actually tell them what you’re thinking.

Rich and his family are some of the most genuine and caring people I know. It sucks they’re going through this. Please send positive thoughts his way.

Taking Off Again

Team Quest (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m leaving for the Northwest, excited about the next eight days. This is the shortest of my trips, but promises to be one of the best. I’ll split my time between Portland, OR and Seattle, WA, training with and interviewing as many Team Quest fighters as I can. On Thursday at 8p, I’ll be reading from Brightside at the Wayward Coffeehouse and on Saturday I plan on attending Rumble at the Roseland 65 in Portland. Sunday looks to be the only day of rest, and I’m trying to change that, seeing if there’s anywhere I can get a last minute reading of Brightside.

Last week I made the commitment to getting back in shape. I haven’t missed a day of exercising yet and plan to continue. I’m going to push myself on this trip and squeeze in as much training as my body can deal with. My good friend, Brian, is coming along for this trip and will be handling photos and video. It’ll be nice to have someone there to document everything and let me focus on the project. He’s also my video editor so it will be great being able to discuss all the interviews. We’re getting close to sharing them.

If you’re in the Seattle area and would like to come out on Thursday night, I’d love to meet you. Same goes for the  fights in Portland. If you’re a non Team Quest fighter in either city and would like to be interviewed for Unlocking the Cage please email me your info at mark@marktullius.com and we’ll try to make it work. Thanks.

A New Commitment

Back in March, I made the commitment to finally begin Unlocking the Cage, a book/sociological study of the MMA fighter. I knew the project would be a lot of work and without making it official, it would’ve been very easy to stop at the slightest setback. Hell, there’s a good chance I never would have started.

That commitment helped a lot over the past four months. It helped get me through a painful rib injury, my daughter crying she never wanted me to leave, and seven thousand miles on the road. Through lack of sleep and decent food, having little time for my fiction.

I’m thankful I’ve stuck with it because every day I’m reminded why I was drawn to the sport. Being able to show interview clips that can help shatter the perception of what fighters are about wasn’t planned, but something I’m glad to be a part of. In an early post, I wrote the world would be a better place if it were full of fighters. I’m still convinced that is a truth.

It’s time for me to make another commitment though because it turns out that my just telling myself to do something doesn’t work. For the last few weeks I’ve been saying I want to start training seriously, not because I want to fight, but so I won’t get so damn embarrassed when I spend time at all these gyms.

I mentioned this to my wife who was nice enough to remind me of all the reasons I had to not train. Some of them were semi-legitimate and I wanted to agree with her, but that would have been more bullshit. Maybe last week it would’ve been too much to train MMA somewhere, but I had no excuse why I couldn’t do at least 15 minutes a day of something. I have kettlebells, a yoga room, mats, and even a Bas Rutten striking system, but I don’t use them. I don’t do pushups or Hindu squats. Man, I haven’t even been going on walks.

So that all stops now. I’m turning forty on Sunday and figure there is no better time to get my ass in gear. If my dad can be in kick-ass shape at nearly seventy (yes mom, you’re in incredible shape too) then I can’t let my age be a reason. Another big motivator is what my friend, Olivia, recently did. She got rid of her excuses and completely transformed herself in a matter of months. Positive choices will lead to positive results.

The other big reason for the commitment is what happened this week at Kings. It’s the same thing that happened at the other gyms where I jumped in with the pros. I was never a talented fighter. My skill set wasn’t good to start with and now it’s rusty as hell, but I do want to get to a place where I can somewhat hang. I’m not okay being the guy on his back, giving up the arm bar because he’s too tired to get out of the mount. I don’t want to turn and give the choke because I can barely breathe. It’s going to take a while, but if I put in the work I’m guaranteed to be in a much better place than I am now.

Be sure to check out the pics below see that I’ll use as reminders of what inactivity will get me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Priorities and Parenthood

Father and Son

Keeping priorities straight is something I believe we all struggle with at some point. I know I’ve been having a difficult time trying to balance mine. For someone who claims to take pride in being a great father, I have to admit I’ve been lacking in that department. Over the last three months, I’ve spent seven weeks on the road, and no amount of rationalization changes that fact. My daughter is a trooper and understands at some level that I need to do my work, but she still doesn’t like it and wishes it were different.

Each of my trips has gotten shorter and more hectic, less time on the road so I’d have more time at home. It’s made life a little tougher on me and prevented me from spending much time at each gym, but I’m still getting in the interviews, making sure I concentrate on the people that I meet and really listen to what they are saying.

The first message I received on this trip came from the man who saved my ass in Missouri, picking me up when I ran out of gas. We’d talked a bit in the car and corresponded through emails where he warned me not focus too much on one project as children grow up fast and that you can’t get time back. I thanked him for the reminder, but that was day one of eleven and as much as I’d liked to have been at home, there was nothing going to get in my way of this fast-paced trip around the Midwest.

After an incredible day in St. Louis at SCMMA, I made my way to Farmington and had a great interview with Joe Worden who talked about the love and respect he had for his parents. The next interview that hit me was with Jacob Noe out of Memphis Judo and Jiu-Jitsu. We talked at length about his girls and what they meant to him. The next day, at Westside MMA, Roli Delgado shared his thoughts on what it means to be a father, how important it is to understand that our children learn from our actions and not just our words.

The following morning I watched two fathers in action. Jonathan Gary’s daughter sat patiently playing with her dinosaurs while her daddy trained and then watched his interview as he described just how important she was to him. That night, I spent time with Matt Grice who talked about how limited his time is between training, owning a gym, and working full-time, but how he always makes time for his children. It’s not the amount of time you spend with your kids, but how present you are.

My final two gyms will stay with me for a long time. When I walked into Laselva MMA and asked for Marcio Navarro, I was pointed to the man on his back playing with a beautiful baby boy. Marcio is a full-time father like myself, who takes great pride and enjoyment in being able to spend so much time with his child. Ian, his 7-month-old, is such a happy baby, his smile so contagious I had trouble paying attention to all the great things Marcio was saying. Fortunately I videotaped the interview so none of his wisdom was lost.

At Grindhouse MMA, I encountered other great parents, Brian Davidson, (Mama) Jessica Philippus and Brandon Cottrell who all talked about what matters to them most. All this talk about being a parent served its purpose and made me realize that I needed to get my priorities straight. I’d been tempted to stay in Kansas City Friday night to catch a fight and I really wanted to see Invicta on Saturday, but that would have meant disappointing my family who was flying out to meet me at the Lake of the Ozarks.

I’m glad I made the correct choice, because the last few days have been what I needed, reconnecting with my daughter who’s trying to deal with my absence. The other day, Livvie and my niece, Bailey, were playing in the lake. I quietly crept up behind them, giving Bailey a mean look to see if she’d freak. She remained relatively calm and tried to guess what I was pretending to be. A shark (my usual,) a sea monster who just barfed, a crazy person. It went on for a bit while I swam closer. Finally, Livvie got the biggest smile on her face and told Bailey, “You’re silly. He’s my daddy.”

That’s when it really hit me, that no matter what I do, whether Brightside, Unlocking the Cage, and all my other projects are a success or not, nothing else matters. I am her daddy and that’s enough to make me a happy man for the rest of my life. I could have spent yesterday concentrating on Brightside’s release but that’s not what was important. Instead of spending the day at the computer sending off emails, screwing with social media, and all the rest, I was present with Livvie the entire day. Despite the crazy heat, we took a hike to an old castle, scaled a rock wall, explored a deep cave, searched for jewels, swam in the lake, took a nap with her on my chest, and went night swimming. There was no doubt in her mind whose day it was.

On of the things I’m most excited about with Unlocking the Cage, is showing what some of the toughest and bravest men on this planet feel about being a father, what their definition of a real man is. I want to crush that old stereotype that men are just there to provide, that they don’t need to be active in the raising of their children. I want to show others that a real man is confident enough to tell his children how much he loves them, that he won’t be afraid to be judged for being emotional. I come from a long line of Germans who were taught saying I love you was something a woman did, a sign of a weak man. I understand where that came from, but am glad to be part of the change. There won’t be a day that goes by that my daughter doesn’t know she’s loved.

 

Friendships and Fight Night

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the drawbacks of interviewing so many fighters is that I simply can’t see many of their fights. I’ve gone from going to zero fights a year to about two a month, but the chances that I’ll be in the same place as their fight is slim. Part of me is grateful in a way because watching people I know go into battle isn’t always fun.

Although many of the interactions I’ve had with fighters have only lasted a short period of time, I feel as if I get a very good sense of who these people are and how much of themselves they’ve poured into their career. We talk about sacrifice, values, goals, and regrets. When they open up and show who they truly are, I can’t help but admire and respect them. I understand that the majority of this is one-sided because I’m not sharing much about myself, but I think most of them get that I actually care about them and want them to succeed.

In three months I’ve interviewed close to 150 fighters. I’ve been there to watch some win and others lose, but usually it’s checking updates on Facebook. No matter the outcome, my opinion of them never changes. But how they react to it does. Losing was something that always crushed me, something that I had a difficult time dealing with. When I listen to these men and women talk about how much a win means to them and I later find out things didn’t go their way, I feel terrible. When they hold their head high and understand that they just did something that 99% of the rest of the world could never do, I’m impressed.

Whether or not these fighters know it, their stories are what keep me going. Travelling around the country might sound fun to some, but not the way I do it. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my time inside the gyms, but the rest of it I could do without. Not seeing my wife and daughter blows, a sacrifice I can’t keep up. Eating in my car, sleeping when I can, driving nonstop, seeing nothing other than gyms and hotels. Yeah, not exactly glamorous.

The next two weekends some big fights are coming up. Although I’m sure their opponents are just as great as the individuals I’ve interviewed, I know who I’m cheering for. I don’t care if journalists aren’t supposed to be biased because that’s not what I consider myself. I’m a writer and a fighter and I consider everyone I’ve interviewed a friend. Tonight at Cage Titans FC in Plymouth, MA I’ll be rooting for John Johnston (Sityodtong) John White (Lauzon MMA) and Bill Mahoney (South Shore Sportfighting.) In St. Louis’s Rumbletime Promotions, I hope Zach Freeman, Josh Sampo (both Saint Charles MMA) and Eric Irvin (Destruction) kick some ass. I wish Jessica Philippus (Grindhouse) the best in Saturday’s Invicta card. And as much as I respect and admire Jamie Varner, you better believe I’ll be at the Staples Center cheering for Joe Lauzon.

All of these people have supported me and my project. The least I can do is wish them good luck.

And for those of you I forgot to mention, I apologize. I’m afraid this is a one-man mission and I’m writing this at the end of an 18 hour day.

The Unexpected

My motivational email yesterday morning did wonders for me. Some days I barely pay attention to them, other days the words are incredibly appropriate and exactly what I need to hear. This was yesterday’s:

“Go with it. Roll, Mark. Swerve.

The “unexpected” is just my way of preparing you for more than you knew to ask for.”

I’m not some crazy nut job (although some of my friends may disagree) who takes anything too seriously, but these words made me wonder. My plans for the day were shaky at best, but this gave me the confidence to say to hell with it, things were going to work out.

Thanks to Bobby Oller at Westside MMA, late Tuesday night I set up a trip to Inferno MMA in Bentonville, AR. This gym is about a 3 hour detour from Oklahoma City but my plans in OKC hadn’t been set yet and I’ll always take the advice of someone I trust. And although I’d only met Bobby that night, after rolling with and interviewing him, I trusted him completely.

My time at Inferno was short but great. I interviewed three talented and unique fighters, each with their own missions and motivation. I also had the pleasure of getting to roll a little and then packed my stuff and headed off to OKC where I still had no set plans beside a hotel for the night.

I asked for suggestions on where to head next on FB and Bobby came through again, suggesting I try Mikey Burnett’s gym in Tulsa as it was on my way. Mikey’s website fascinated me because it looked like a true martial arts gym with meditation and other arts getting as much attention as MMA. I was disappointed however to see a post that Mikey was out of town. I tried calling anyway, but there was no answer so I figured it wasn’t meant to be.

I continued down the highway a little bummed about not getting to see his gym when flashing lights came up behind me. The Highway Patrol officer said he’d let me go with a warning after he ran my license, but I wasn’t sure what to expect. He came back and let me go with two handshakes and a couple God bless you’s, by far the coolest interaction I’ve had with any law enforcement officer.

English: Mikey Burnett (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not long after that I got a call from Mikey Burnett. He was willing to talk so I found some shade and pulled over and had one of the most interesting conversations I’ve had in a long time. I would have loved to have captured the talk on video or at least audio, but I understand that some things I need just for me. Mikey is on a whole other level and I have nothing but respect for where he is on his journey and what’s important to him. If you live in the Tulsa area and want to try martial arts, I highly recommend his gym.

He asked where I was headed next and told me about a MMA gym next to where his son boxed. I was only a few blocks away and decided to stop by. It turned out to be The Factory, Josh “The Beast” Bryant’s gym. It was only four o’clock so no one was around, but the gym looked like a great place to train so I cancelled my hotel in Oklahoma City with seven minutes to spare and came back to check out that night’s practice. To say I was impressed with the amount of fighters and level of training would be a huge understatement. I also enjoyed seeing how each of these guys worked with the little nine year old. That was pretty cool. This is without a doubt the place you want to train in Tulsa if you want to fight.

Yesterday could have turned out entirely different if I hadn’t gone with the flow and been open to detours. I was working on four hours of sleep and drove seven hours in the blazing heat, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Thanks once again to all the people that helped turn the day into such a positive experience.

 

Wishing There Were More of Me

No, I’m not some arrogant prick and I’m not looking into cloning (yet) but I either need about five more of me or a hell of a lot more time. I feel incredibly fortunate being able to travel the country and interview fighters, but I’m very limited in what I can do as an individual.

If there were more of me, the real me would be back at home being a stay-at-home-dad, the absolute best job I’ve ever had. Being able to spend so much time with my daughter is something I would never trade. For the first four years of her life, I was with her nearly every day, watching her grow into this incredible little person. I know it’s not possible for many men to be able to do this, but I do encourage everyone to make sure they are a huge part of their children’s lives.

And it’s not just my daughter I miss. My being on the road is difficult for me and my wife and I hate dumping everything on her. She’s such an amazing woman and so supportive of everything I’m doing. One more week apart and we’ll back together, spending a week at the Lake of the Ozarks.

The second me would be the hermit I used to be. He’d be locked in a room with nothing but a notepad, computer, and some really strong tea. That guy would be putting the polish on 25 Perfect Days. Then he’d tackle the 400 page stack of notes on Ain’t No Messiah. After that he’d finish up the other four novels in the series and possibly write a short story or two. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so grumpy.

The third me would be in charge of marketing and social media, planning my trips months in advance (instead of days.) So this guy wouldn’t go off and kill himself, I’d let him have some fun and be in charge of doing Brightside readings. I never thought I’d enjoy getting in front of people and reading my work, but now I jump at the opportunity and have fun with it.

The other me’s would head to different parts of the country and do what I’m doing now, but spend a hell of a lot more time. These guys would spend at least a week at each gym, training with the team, taking plenty of time with each interview, really getting to know these fighters. They’d be taking care of their bodies through training, yoga, chiropractic, and healthy food. They’d be going to every fight they could, especially the Cage Titans and Rumble Time fights I have to miss. They’d go out and volunteer with organizations like Tom Murphy’s Sweethearts and Heroes, which works hard at ending bullying. They’d have some one-on-ones with guys who’ve been through some rough shit in their life and could use another friend.

These other me’s would also have a fat bank account and fly to each destination, unlike me who’s about to get my ass in my Yaris and drive six hours so I can cover a fight in Nashville. But I’m not complaining. I’m one lucky individual and I’m grateful for every person that’s taking the time to talk with me. You guys have been great and have made me feel welcome. I’m wishing you all the best.

Because Jesus Told Me To

Yesterday did not go as planned. After wasting close to an hour getting my rental car in Kansas City, I jumped on the freeway and hauled ass for Farmington, MO. Hauled ass isn’t exactly the right term though because I’m in a cute little Toyota Yaris (yeah I’d never heard of it either) that shakes at 70mph.

Three hours into the trip I began to realize that even if I did make it to the gym, I was going to miss the majority of the practice and only get in a few interviews. I was still determined though and kept at it, slapping myself to stay awake then finally pulling over for an energy drink.

About ten minutes later the energy drink kicked in and the car gave out, dying on me in the middle of Missouri in the 100 plus heat. After cursing at the car and Enterprise’s roadside service, I realized that my dumb ass ran out of gas, possibly the first time I’ve ever done that. (‘Possibly’ because it seems I’ve forgotten quite a few things over the years.)

Once I was done being pissed off at myself and came to terms that there was no way I was going to reach the gym, I got out of the car prepared to walk to the nearest gas station. The very next second, a car stopped on the other side of the freeway on ramp and asked me if I needed help. I hurried over and got into the car, told him my story as he drove me around.

Dan told me that he usually didn’t pick up strangers because you never know about people. I was wearing a shirt that covered up my tats, but still. If he thought I looked safe, I’d hate to see the guys he passed up.

He wouldn’t let me pay him for his trouble and he said no thanks was needed. He picked me up because that’s what Jesus would’ve wanted him to do and he got no argument from me. I guess being in the Bible Belt has its advantages although finding readers who won’t be offended by Brightside isn’t one of them.

Getting Ready for the Road

Another road trip is just around the corner. Tonight I get to watch the Samurai MMA3 fight in Culver City, CA, spend the weekend with the family, then take off for the Midwest. I haven’t confirmed all of the gyms I’ll be visiting, but it looks to be another great experience. This time I’m making arrangements so I can squeeze in more training and have someone else take pics and video.

My trips sometime take on a life of their own and I end up in places I hadn’t planned, but here’s a rough sketch of what I’m looking at. 6 states, 12 schools, 1 fight, 2000 miles in 11 days. In the middle of summer. Yeah, I know, smart move on my end.

July 17, 18 – St. Louis, MO

July 19  - Louisville, KY  Derby City MMA

July 20 – Nashville, TN

July 21, 22 – Little Rock, AR  West Side MMA

July 23, 24 – Oklahoma City, OK – Lovato’s BJJ

July 25 – Manhattan, KS – Combative Sports Center

July 26, 27 – Kansas City, MO (Leawood, KS) – High-Davis MMA, Fight University

July 28 – Kansas City – Invicta FC

I’m anxious to see the Invicta fight and interview the women involved. Women are underrepresented in this sport and I want to make sure they are included in this project. If you know of any women fighters, be sure to point them my way.

I haven’t planned a reading for Brightside for this trip, but am always open for one. Maybe I’ll be able to find a place in Kansas City, but if not I’ll wait until August when the print version will be released.