Mark Tullius's Blog, page 21

You’re Getting Sleepy, Very Sleepy: Part 2

In Part One, I was on my way to see Kim Trotman, a licensed hypnotist. I left out Kim’s other talents because hypnosis alone is hard enough for some people to accept. Mention psychic or energy healer and people will shut down and become defensive, feel the need to pray for me and tell me I’m dumb for not just trusting in Jesus, the answer to everything.

If that’s how you feel, I’m fine with that, I didn’t write this post for you. I’m not trying to convert anyone. I’m simply curious about this stuff and decided to find out for myself instead of accepting a belief that formed when I was a child, not old enough to question it. I consider myself a skeptic and think people should not only examine the things that may seem strange or unbelievable, but more importantly, their own beliefs. That’s what I’ve been doing since I wrote Brightside and began taking a closer look at telepathy and other forms of extra-sensory perception, all of which the government has poured tons of money into studying. This appointment was simply another step.

I didn’t know much about Kim, but I immediately felt at ease when I met her. I explained that I was a bit of a doubter but wanted to try the Past-Life Regression hypnotherapy. I couldn’t think of anything specific I wanted to work on in the hypnosis, but I did mention I suffer from very vivid and disturbing nightmares four to five nights a week.

While sitting with Kim, I noticed her twisted spoon collection. A friend of mine had walked me through a spoon bending exercise where I focused my internal energy to bend the spoon (using my hands) similar to a martial artist breaking a brick. I enjoyed the process and easily bent the spoon backwards, but mine looked nothing like Kim’s that were swirled several times. We didn’t have time for spoons this day, but when I go back I definitely want to give it a try.

After chatting for a bit, it was time for the hypnosis, which I was doubtful would even work on me. I set up the camera and sat back in the recliner. I closed my eyes and followed Kim’s instructions, focused on my breathing and the images she described. It was very relaxing and peaceful, but the left side of my brain wouldn’t quit worrying about whether or not I would fall under the spell. After we did the final count backwards from ten while descending the stairs, I still questioned whether or not I was under, but looking back it was obvious that I was.

There are many misperceptions about hypnosis and I had no idea what to expect. I remained alert the entire session, just incredibly relaxed as if I were in a deep meditation. My body went through feelings of lightness and my consciousness occasionally felt detached from my body. Other times, I felt heavy like I couldn’t move, but I remember everything that occurred, all that was said. It was pleasant. Except for a little bit of anxiety when describing the way I’d died.

Both before and after the session, Kim explained how it doesn’t matter whether or not the past life is real or not, that I could still benefit from it even if I didn’t believe what my subconscious mind came up with. This part of the session was difficult for me because it didn’t feel that much different from when I visualize stories taking place. I’m a very visual writer and see stories evolving before I put them down on paper. It felt very similar, only with the past life stories I was coming up with weren’t the type of stories I would see myself creating. I have Viking blood in my veins, the last name of a Roman King, thousands of video game hours playing the role of a warrior, and usually write about protagonists coming out on top. If I was going to conjure up some stories, seems like I’d make myself a hero.

From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee! Prague, Czech Republic (Photo credit: Grufnik)

Not in these stories. In the first, which I was positive took place in medieval France, I was a peasant boy who watched my sister taken by the royalty. I was later killed in a fight and watched as the sword pierced my heart. The second past life took place in England. This time I was very poor, stealing food for my younger siblings, most who died from starvation and disease. I was caught stealing and died chained to a wall in a dungeon. Fun stuff.

So although I’m not sold on whether the past lives could be real, I did enjoy the session and can clearly see how effective it could be as a treatment. I also understand that, just like everything else, it’s not a one-shot cure and for it to be effective, five to six sessions will show marked improvement. That’s not bad at all when compared to much higher numbers for other forms of therapy.

Another interesting thing to note is that it’s been nearly two weeks and I haven’t had any nightmares. I’m sure those of you who are skeptics will say that it’s coincidence, but I’m not aware of anything else that’s changed in my lifestyle since the nightmares ceased.

So that pretty much sums up the trip. A relaxing, peaceful experience where I dealt with some issues, (whether created or real doesn’t matter) that may have stopped my nightmares, an unexpected but pleasant surprise.

Here’s a little bit of the session. The camera shut off halfway through it so who knows what might have been implanted. I like that idea, though because the next time I do something foolish, I’ll simply blame it on Kim.

Click here for Kim’s website

Life Education Through Wrestling: Guest Post by Jeff Paulson – Part Two

Today’s post is written by Jeff Paulson, a professional MMA fighter who trains at Cung Le’s MMA in San Jose. Jeff is one of the many fighter’s I’ve interviewed for Unlocking the Cage that have credited wrestling with much of their success in life. Here’s part two of Jeff’s story. Click here for Part 1.

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I called right away and brought Mariah with me, hoping her three year-old smile would get me in since I had no world wrestling accolades. That first night in the spring of 2000, I impressed the coach enough for him to request me as his full time training partner. This was huge, this guy was also an alternate for 96 Olympics…which meant this was my chance to finally start training for my dream.  Heck, it was every kid’s dream that wrestled…to one day make it to the OLYMPICS…the pinnacle of all sports, the grand prize, not just the gallon of water after weigh ins, but the whole damn buffet! It also was a good humbling of how I can totally kick one of the top guy’s ass all over the mat only to keep getting turned blue and almost blacking out to this damned move called a “triangle, bitch,” as he called it. I think he was just as frustrated and more than pleased to choke me after my overload of attempts to grind him and extra emphasis of borderline slams. All while my lil girl was cheering me on while doing somersaults from the side. Bringing her with not only made me train harder, but also gave me a chance to keep her close and helped me feel better about training.

The following year brought fewer projects at work, a new job opportunity in California, and another piece of my heart filled in, my new daughter, Makenzie. Hey, half as many daughters as Dan Gable and only a ‘few’ less wrestling trophies, but these two parts of my heart were greater by far. The move helped as I never looked at anything, such as work, as permanent. I saw it as a new opportunity for my family to explore and see more.  I also knew Olympic trials were held in Concord in the past, maybe this is where I could meet people and continue my training in California, in my limited spare time.

Two short years brought me back to Phoenix, due mainly to the downturn in economy the year after 9/11. I wasn’t ready to throw in the gloves and return to MN. I’ve been through the thick and thin in life and always pulled through on top and owe that to my father, David Gorghuber, and second stepfather, Bill Paulson. One was the main reason I started wrestling & and taught me hard work ethic through college & the other pushed hard work ethic through me on the farm growing up…from cutting weight in the hot barns through teaching me boxing basics with my first punching bag full of sunflower seeds hanging from a pine tree before high school…many bloody & numb knuckles. To compliment the bag, I spent some of my farm earnings on my first book of Boxing, to fill in the gaps and add to the basic boxing techniques Bill had taught me. Hey, I had to remind myself, I’ve been through two wrestling practices after no food or water for two days…there is nothing I’m not ready to take on.

Through a couple different wrestling training partners, I made the most of the situation and started my construction business. 2004 also brought my first chance to go for my lifelong goal of possibly making it to those Olympics. I had one training partner who already was an alternate in 1996, one who wrestled in 2000 Australia, and another who was geared up, as I was, to make his dream come true, all in my same weight class. These were truly blessings from big guns and it definitely would have been a sin if I didn’t give it my all and give it a go. At lunch, I’d run across town and meet these guys wherever they were training, ASU, a high school, someone’s garage, wherever. My nights consisted of taking my girls to the park which had a walk (track) around it, about .8 miles, close enough. First, 50 pushups with the smaller turkey on my back, followed by 30 with my much bigger turkey by then, followed by sprinting that .8 around back to the swings where they would be waiting for another ride on Dad’s back and count out my pushups. I had to do this X 4, for 200(4) Olympics, of course. The first trial qualifier that I could make it to that spring came around, in Battleground, WA.  It couldn’t be a more perfect name. This trip had to happen in a “quick” weekend, as I had a business to run & family I couldn’t leave longer than 2 days. My trip brought me 4th place, losing 3rd in OT…no time to feel sorry, had to get to the airport and get home. There was another qualifier in a few weeks, but in New Orleans. That same week I knew I would have to be in Dallas for one of my projects that was finishing up there. Dallas is close enough to New Orleans, right? No…it was an 8 hour straight drive…through “Gumbo” country. I left my work there at 4pm Friday, with weigh ins on my mind at 4pm Saturday. I got on the road, still 10lbs over…figuring I could run it off on the way. Running it off on the way turned out to be sprints at 2am, in the middle of Louisiana, in a truckstop parking lot. Yep, I fit right in sprinting laps around those trucks with plastics on….not even close. But I looked crazy enough to ward of any possible trouble in the middle of no man’s land. 4am, New Awwlins! I slept for 4 hours, up and back on the treadmill. 4pm was taking forever to get there, but it came & went…I made weight and went right out the door to the nearest restaurant. Let me tell you, it wasn’t the best time to try spicy Crawdads, with no food in my stomach and not fully replenished with water, but it went down…then back up.  Made it to Semi finals, but lost a close one again…no time to worry about it, I had to get back to Dallas and catch my flight back to Phoenix by Sunday evening as Monday means work and you can’t call in sick when you’re running a business. With my work ethic and integrity from wrestling, I ran a successful business for the next six years, all while working out of my home office, my girls close by and MMA/wrestling training every week. It was especially a good release to long stressful work days.

The end of one good thing, lead to another…again. My last construction project was a string of six different commercial office buildings. I was paid for five of them…and while the client/landlord was secretly going bankrupt and kept dangling the promise of paying me, I endured another long practice with no food and water and pushed on by taking money out of my home to pay my guys and subcontractors for their work on the last project and turned it into an MMA gym, and you guessed it, our official training facility for the 2008 trials. Out of our small group of five, four qualified for Olympic trials that year. I was the exception, only I didn’t go to any qualifiers that year, I was busy running this exciting new business and training with my team to ensure they would get a spot on that US team! My indirect partners for the new gym project were Jeff Funicello, my training partner from pankration and Sunkist wrestling for years and my other training partner, when in town, and mostly our inspiration and guidance from opening his gym the year prior…none other than Heath Sims, 2000 wrestling Olympian, and Team Quest, Temecula, partner.

The next two years saw both pain and prosperity. Pain with the training, running a new business and mostly, all of this in the worst economy. Just as we felt like we were getting in the groove, the non project paying landlord not only was closing his doors and not paying me, which I’d accepted by this time, but the bank was taking back what he still hadn’t paid them, our gym. This hit me most deeply with the new friends and members I’d made, but this was a second home built for my girls to learn judo, jiu jitsu, self-defense and practice their gymnastics in. It was a place to bring their friends to and be the cool kids by holding their birthday parties in. They didn’t brag, as I didn’t bring them up that way, but they were sure quick to mention how they helped their dad put that boxing ring together that they were all dancing in and how they helped install those mats they were all playing tag on and having sleepovers on. I mean who else can say to people in school that they slept on mats over the weekend and played war in a real boxing ring!?

But I didn’t throw in the towel and drink that bottle of water before weigh-ins, no…I had to show my girls how to press on and succeed. The next few days after transferring everything to storage, a local, small garage jiu jitsu club called me up to offer bringing my students there until we figured something out. It was a good situation for them as we would be possibly not only bringing members, but bringing instructors over to now offer boxing, muay thai, wrestling, MMA and fitness…turn the jiu jitsu club into an MMA club! In the same turn, our style of jiu jitsu was previously no-gi…and I knew we needed a strong jiu jitsu heritage to also complete us as a real MMA gym as well. You can’t just go looking for a good black belt or jiu jitsu club for your gym in the classifieds, let alone good people.

By the next month we officially partnered, after many training sessions in the first month.  There is no better interviewing process of a partner than to share at least a month of some good blood, sweat and tears. The next two weeks saw us combining my storage and his large garage into a 12,000 sf facility and real life MMA training facility. This was what they call making lemonade.

We spent the next two years growing our family through wrestling, jiu jitsu, punching each other and kids’ classes. There were many ups…but were overwhelmed by the downs, mainly with the economy, which trickled down into the differences between our management styles and how we each wanted to move forward separately. I saw this as an opportunity to turn a possibly worse situation into a great situation by leaving. I ventured out separately, but left my resources, instructors and the opportunity for them to grow solely.

The next chapter in my life is capitalized Perseverance, especially for my daughters. I turned my efforts into the direction back up that hill towards the goal of reaching that trophy at the top and moved to San Jose, CA. The positives of the previous situation were the great people and friends I’ve added to my life, the experience in my training and growth of my family, and the realization that I made it to the top of that hill and found my trophy…my rock. Maegan filled the missing gap in my heart when she missed those thai pads and kicked me in the side of the head to wake me up! I found my lifelong business partner who fills the rest of my words when my ink runs out, without a skip in beat!

The next chapter of my life is being written, is more focused, still centered around family first then fighting, MMA training and wrestling in one shape or fashion on my continuous way up many more trophy top hills. Even though the move to CA was for work, the roundtrip every day is over 100 miles. But I don’t mind it one bit because my team trains a few blocks away at Cung Le’s MMA.

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Thanks to Jeff Paulson for sharing his story. Like many of the men and women I’ve interviewed for Unlocking the Cage, wrestling has been such an important part of his life. Please consider taking a moment to sign a petition to  the IOC asking them to save Olympic wrestling.

Life Education Through Wrestling: Guest Post by Jeff Paulson

Today’s post is written by Jeff Paulson, a professional MMA fighter who trains at Cung Le’s MMA in San Jose. Jeff is one of the many fighter’s I’ve interviewed for Unlocking the Cage that have credited wrestling with much of their success in life. Here’s Jeff’s story.

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My education didn’t start when I spit out my first request for food and got a mouth full of what I didn’t order. It didn’t quite start when I received a rock in the eye while yelling at the neighborhood BMX bike gang from what I thought was protection enough in my front yard at age 5. It didn’t start when my siblings and I were woken later that year by our mom, not to go to school, but to pack our backpacks full of clothes and jump in the car to leave our abusive stepfather. It didn’t start in a new schoolyard full of strangers and snow 90 miles away in the northwoods of Minnesota either.

It all started a few weeks later when I stepped onto that wrestling mat for the first time in my life at the age of six. On one arm, I had my mom encouraging me to join, not only for the cheaper form of learning protection, as karate was what I wanted and we couldn’t afford, but I was following in my natural father’s footsteps. On the other arm, I was carrying the pride of my grandfather’s words two days earlier. “Jeff, you’re the man of the house now, you must take care of your brothers and sisters, and look out for your mother.” From that first set of pushups and granby roll drill, wrestling was the loadbearing footing poured in the foundation of my heart. I didn’t know how important that day was or what load that foundation was going to carry, but it had one hell of a design that could never be matched.

The next few years were made up of my younger brother and I centering all of our activities around training for wrestling tournaments. The practices weren’t always fun, but it sure beat having to go home right after school and shovel the white stuff! We had to do that after…but it was different when it was “part of our training.” But the even bigger part of tournaments meant winning a trophy and, sometimes even cooler, we got to travel out of town! That’s a big deal in the northwoods when you’re stuck in a village of less than 2, 000 people. Which, by the way, was a metropolis compared to most of the towns we traveled to. Bringing home that subsection, regional, and then state trophy gave us the sense of importance. It gave us a work ethic and ingrained discipline into our integrity building blocks of life. Along with that of course meant needing good grades.

That wrestling lifeline flowed and carried me through high school and then college. As in life, I didn’t win every match and sometimes the most important ones, but they were equally important in driving me through training harder and learning more to be even better prepared for the next crucial event in my life. Whether it was a failed attempt in an interview, a bad test or that state championship qualifying match I lost by one point, I still had that hunger that drove me to climb higher and higher to see what trophy was sitting and waiting at the top for me.

My sophomore year in college was a major turning point in my life. Not due to winning the lottery, grabbing that trophy at the top, or meeting the love of my life. Actually, it was a combination of those three and a lot more….my first daughter was born! I all of a sudden had direction in my life. All of the things I most wanted to do came into focus. I not only had my very own lifelong student to teach about all of my no/yes decisions I’ve made in my life, but my heart had expanded…I grew a new branch. Mariah quickly became my biggest cheerleader, literally sitting at the edge of the mat my junior year, at six months old with our wrestling manager, watching her dad work a technical fall on a South Dakota State warrior while her mom was working. She would then be the handoff when we got home and celebrated with canned ravioli and a scoop of ice cream before I headed to my graveyard shift.

The next two years were followed with the same routine. One time that comes to mind clearly was a night we hit practice hard for two hours after a day of classes. I got home around seven and began the mandatory playing by doing pushups with Mariah on my back, followed by sit-ups with her jumping on my tummy. She would be in bed by eight, then I was off to work as a server. It was Friday night and the bar shift would bring in good tips…and a lot of running around, which was good because I was still two pounds heavy for my 8am weigh in for the wrestling tournament that’d begin an hour later. I was not only ranked 1st, but I was the team captain that year and I had to represent! I got off at 4am and had to run one mile to the practice room, check my weight and catch the van before we needed to leave at 4:30! It was ok, I thought, I could get my rest on the three hour drive to the tournament. Well, as one or two of my other decisions in life that weren’t the best, this met the same expectations. My past success and being captain led me to believe I’d go 4-0, but I did completely the opposite and went 0-3. Was it ok they were three all-Americans? Hell no, I would have been pissed if they were all undefeated champions, I would have beat them all with a little more sleep…lesson learned! I went on to win the next tourney and conference, but fell short in regionals. What would my lil girl think if I quit there? Wasn’t an option!

The end of the year brought my graduation and a choice of jobs. Doing well in college and my extensive hands on experience had paid off and I owed it to two things: wrestling for my work ethic and working multiple jobs to take care of my family.

The very next turn of my life found me accepting a job offer in Phoenix. The pay was good, the weather was great, and most importantly…the legendary wrestling club Sunkist Kids was there!

After a couple of paychecks and finding my way around in real traffic, I looked up ASU wrestling and Sunkist kids. I found that wrestling legend, Leroy Smith, was still head coach and I emailed him with a heading “Free wrestling practice dummy!” He responded the same day, but due to liability and already full staff, referred me to a pankration club that a lot of wrestlers went in their off training time and was run by an ASU wrestling alumni and US team member/Sunkist team member…score!

Part 2 tomorrow.

You’re Getting Sleepy, Very Sleepy: Part 1

Hypnosis (Photo credit: zoomar)

Prior to a few weeks ago, I’d never had the urge to see a hypnotist. Even if they could do what they claimed to, which I’ve always been skeptical of, I never felt I had a good reason to see one. Although it may not be entirely true, I feel as if I can do anything I want without the help of someone else. I’ve prided myself on having a strong mind and if I really wanted to quit something, I would simply do so.

But then a certain hypnotist’s name began popping up in conversations, I saw some posts about her on Facebook, and I’d been reading a few articles of how hypnosis could help me on a little experiment I’m about to start (more on that later.) I no longer believe in coincidence and wondered if the universe was trying to point me in a certain direction. Since I’ve started going with the flow a little more and taking this approach to life, things have gotten remarkably better. Sure, it’s probably just because I’m moving forward and being proactive, but either way, it’s working.

When I considered making an appointment, I was greeted with pretty heavy resistance. I’d forgotten just how much the thought of seeing a hypnotist scared the crap out of me. There’s no way I’d give a complete stranger that much control. Who knows what kind of ideas they could plant in my head. I’ve watched Conspiracy Theory. What if they give me a command to kill, quack like a duck, make a fool out of myself? Plus, I’ve been told I’m kind of hot for an old man, what if they tried try to touch me?

I quickly put these fears to rest. This hypnotist, Kim Trotman CHT/CPLHT, is a friend of a friend, someone I could trust. But just to be extra safe, I could film the whole thing. And yes, just to be extra extra safe, I planned on going back through the video to make sure it wasn’t paused while any inappropriateness was being performed.

 

cute tree frog (Photo credit: Willie Lunchmeat)

I felt a lot better and was ready to call, but there was still a big fear, something that goes back to why I wrote Brightside. Did I really want to share the shit that fills my brain, especially the stuff in my subconscious? If I’m under hypnosis who knows what kind of crazy nonsense I might say. Suddenly this friend connection didn’t seem so great. Next time I see my friend, will I wonder why she keeps giggling? Did she hear how I have a thing for midgets, get frightened when I see frogs? And what about stuff I’ve repressed, the ugly secrets I’ve buried and do my best to keep that way? What good would it do to that dredge that stuff up?

Let sleeping dogs lie or pull out some skeletons? And past life regression, that’s got to be a bunch of bullshit. Isn’t it?

It was time to find out.

Here’s the video of me on the way to Kim’s, repeating all the stuff you just read.

Here’s an interesting article to learn more about hypnosis and how it works.

Why I Support Kids Training MMA

One of the reasons I started Unlocking the Cage was the fear that my daughter might follow my path and become a fighter if I exposed her to MMA. This worry went away when I traveled the Midwest where I ran into several parents whose children accompanied them to the gyms. I began asking fighters what they felt about MMA for their own children and what martial arts did for them when they were a kid. I talked to fighters who taught children’s classes, asked them about their experiences and if MMA is really that different from the traditional martial arts. My opinion completely changed and I decided I’d start training my daughter and niece with my limited knowledge.

In September, I went to 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu because I wanted to train with and interview Eddie Bravo. Not only is he a master of the ground game, and developed Combat Jiu Jitsu, but every time he’s been on The Joe Rogan Experience he seems like such a cool dude with a great attitude toward life. While waiting for the MMA class to start, I caught the end of the kids’ practice. I was so impressed with the way they ran the class that I asked if I could come back to watch a full class and interview Kim Ferguson, the kids’ and women’s head instructor.

When I went back, I was blown away by the knowledge and ability of the kids, impressed how all three instructors were so hands on, and how the kids remained respectful and attentive, but had fun the entire class. If I lived closer to the school, there’s no question this is where I would go for both my own, and my daughter’s training.

I don’t claim to be an expert on any aspect of MMA, but after spending time at seventy gyms in seven months across the country, I’m positive that proper MMA training is incredible for children. I’ve heard the stories, I’ve watched the classes. I’ve talked with parents and children, coaches and fighters. Not only is MMA much safer than many sports, especially gymnastics, but it’s also a great way for children to grow. The confidence and character it builds, the discipline and dedication it teaches. The way boys and girls can train with one another.

Responsible MMA training does not lead to bullying, but prevents it and gives kids the ability to defend themselves. I understand that people love their traditional martial arts and that there’s a lot you can get from them, but why not mix the best elements of each and put it into a proven system of fighting. To me it’s like choosing between a Swiss Army knife and one really sharp blade. I want to give my daughter as many tools as possible.

Please notice that I mentioned ‘proper’ and ‘responsible’ training. Just as with fight gyms, not all training is equal. There are a lot of schools out there who’ll slap MMA on their sign to attract students. There might be instructors who’d like to make warriors and could care less about the children. Do your job as a parent and inspect the school before committing to anything. Watch your child try out some classes and see if it’s a good fit. Use common sense and let your child decide if it’s something they’d like to do, not something you want them to do so you can brag about how tough your kid is.

In the video, Kim discusses how training jiu-jitsu has affected her life and those of her students. Listen to her describe the different types of schools and what to look for as a parent.

For those of you who’d like to read more on whether or not MMA is good for children you can also check out this article.

 

 

Finding My Way: Guest Post by Alex Stobbe

Today’s post is written by Alex Stobbe, a young fighter I had the pleasure of meeting at Grindhouse MMA in Lee’s Summit, MO.

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Being only 22, others often neglect to consider the wisdom I have to share. Growing up particularly resentful and extra stubborn, I always had to learn life lessons on my own; I could never take anyone else’s advice. No one else could tell me that what happened to them was going to happen to me. No one could predict anything I was going to do. I was my own destiny. I made my own follies. I had to touch a hot stove to learn to not get burned. I had to stay outside too long in the cold to know that I would indeed get sick. I had to slide down multiple stair rails to know that there were countless ways to hit my head. My lessons wouldn’t be learned any other way.

As foolish as it sounds, this stubborn way of learning helped. The lessons typically stuck with me on a deeper level. Sometimes I wouldn’t learn my lesson at all, but let’s be honest. If messing up on my own didn’t show me the way, someone else’s words couldn’t guide me with a GPS. I have to fall until I fly or I won’t ever get off of the ground.

But being stubborn and riddled with mistakes, I have gained something that I don’t know can be earned in any other way: perspective. Granted, I am sure this has something to do with my free-spirit, open mind, and devil-may-care attitude, but it was at the very least the proverbial icing on the cake. All of the times that I have messed up on a grand scale, to the point where I didn’t know how I would ever make things right, someone has come along to help me. No, I don’t like to think I rely on others. But being at your worst and most vulnerable and still being able to be shown the good that exists is uplifting.

Too many times, we hear about all of the “bad,” the “wrong,” the “corrupt,” and when we need most to avoid those things, we can’t. It’s all we have left to believe in. But I have seen the good after every colossal boo-boo that I have made. I have seen that complete strangers can help you with wanting absolutely nothing in return. I have met people who have only genuine kindness inside of their souls. I have witnessed levels of compassion I had thought to be that only existing in fairy tales. I have seen the absolute worst in people; but even that cannot trump the amount of good I have witnessed.

Hence, through these acts of humanity that I have witnessed, the incredible people who have helped shape me – all of which stemming from my very numerous blunders, I have learned how to see things in a different light. I am not ashamed to be seen as a failure; I will consider myself successful every time I make a dream of mine come true. It may be rare for me to have money in my pocket, but I am going to be wealthy as long as I have a dream to chase. I may do foolish and silly things, but I am wise as long as I am the one smiling. I am going to fail. I am going to fall. I am going to burn bridges that I haven’t even crossed. But I will learn, I will grow, and I will find my way. No one will be able to stop me from finding the only thing that should matter to anyone: happiness.

But it also wouldn’t hurt to start listening…

Sincere thanks to Alex for stopping by and sharing some wisdom. To find out more about her, you can find her on Facebook or follow her on twitter. Be sure to check out her interview below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living Small: Guest Post by Roli Delgado

Today’s guest post is written by Roli Delgado, a UFC and Bellator veteran, and co-owner of Westside MMA in Little Rock and Benton, Arkansas.

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Living small.  What exactly does that mean?   What may come to mind is pinching pennies, packing lunches, restraining from things you want.  Really, for me it is much simpler than that.  The reality is most of us that  “need” to live small are lower to middle income people. That’s not to say that all people can’t benefit from this lifestyle, it just means that we with limited discretionary funds need to, to a greater degree at least.

A lot of what living small is to me is very similar to my goals of being as self sufficient as possible.  Not just in a survivalist way of thinking but also financially.  The benefits aren’t just going to be redeemed financially.

I believe the best way to broach this subject is to use a quote which is difficult because with access to social media we are hit with quotes so often that they lose their effectiveness.  However I do need to use this one: “Happiness comes from doing not having.”   When you understand that, when you find out what truly makes you happy, you can start to live small and reap the benefits of such a life.

There is some research to support those tangible items that are bought for happiness fail because those items can’t compete with the newness they only keep off the lot or out of the box.  The watch will get scratched up, the new car smell will leave, etc.  Soon it is just an item that has depreciated and possibly requires additional time and revenue just to own.  I love the quote from Fight Club: “the things you own end up owning you.”  Additionally, many of the things actually act as barriers between you and other people.  Your new Rolex or brand new truck often create a rift of jealousy or resentment from your friends that can’t have such extravagant things.

Happiness comes from doing not having.  A perfect example is, go to a nice restaurant by yourself and eat a great dinner.  It’s going to cost you entirely too much for the meal, tax and tip.  God forbid you drink and you will really have a tab on your hands.  Now, consider grabbing an old friend and having dinner with them at your house, prepare the meal together or ahead of time and sit together and enjoy the meal.  One evening is going to cost you half as much and will probably be an evening you will always remember.

Now, everyone finds happiness from different things. I will say I no longer subscribe to the “American dream” of working a job just to have a nice house and car that I can’t enjoy because I’m always at work and stressed out.  I definitely have changed my approach.  By changed I mean, I graduated college, had a great job and started buying rental property after buying my first house.  I still have the properties but have stopped trying so hard to hustle and bustle.

I’d like to share my experience in life (yes I’m only 31 lol) not to brag or say that I have it figured out but just to show how I have figured out what makes me happy and built my life around those things.  How I try to manage that with my duties as a father and my other responsibilities.

First I’d like to say what it is that makes me happy, these are things that I was mostly born, some of which are from nurture but I think most is in my DNA.  I really enjoy good food, traveling, setting goals and seeing them through and finally fellowship.  There is nothing more fun than me getting to train a fighter to a victory at a fight show.  Often times this embodies so many of the things that really make me happy.  I get to develop a bond with the person, I work in harmony with the other coaches here at Westside MMA, sometimes we travel somewhere cool, or at least new, and finally we often win which is the goal that was set many weeks before.  I do have other goals outside of fighting, however fighting is the most prevalent medium to my happiness whether it be coaching or competing.

Now don’t get me wrong, I would love to drive a nice new truck and have my house (on my land) already built but my budget doesn’t allow for that.  So I currently live in a fema trailer on my land and drive a beat up old Toyota Tundra.  You see if I had the house payment and the new car payment / full coverage insurance I wouldn’t be able to travel so much and spend so much time training fighters.  I do make a living at my gym but the fighters only account for less than 5% of the revenue it takes for my gym to run.  Don’t get me wrong, I still buy things for myself and spend money, especially on food because I truly enjoy it.  However I do make sure that I stay away from big-ticket items that are financial liabilities and not assets.

Not to brag but my ability to travel because of low overhead really pays off.  The average vacation to Europe is well over 5,000 dollars.  Something I really couldn’t do.  But with my ability to leverage my teaching abilities and fighting, I have been able to travel to Brazil, Eastern Europe and Europe this past year.  All of the trips would be hard if I had a nice car and fancy lifestyle.  I definitely choose meeting new people, new experiences and traveling over the trap that other people are calling the American Dream.

I’m constantly playing financial chess so that I can maintain the lifestyle and freedom that makes me happy.  Sometimes that means working a lot for a short period of time so that I can do what I want later.  Like everything, this lifestyle is a balancing act!

To wrap up this blog, simple living first starts with identifying your own keys to happiness and then building your life around those things.  Happiness is an activity rather than an emotion according to Aristotle and I must say I agree!  I hope you enjoyed the blog and it can give you some perspective on how to start living small.

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Thanks to Roli for sharing this. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know him from my time at Westside MMA and through his entertaining and educational Facebook posts. I admire his ability to speak his mind and back it up with facts, and I’m hoping he’ll do more posts for us in the future.

You can find out more about him and his gyms at Westside MMA

And be sure to follow on twitter @Rolicrazycuban

And like his page on Facebook

What Motivates This Proud Chicana and Why She Won’t Stop

Today’s post is written by Jessica Martinez, a MMA fighter that I had the pleasure of training with and interviewing at King’s MMA. Jessica has been a great help with Unlocking the Cage and I appreciate her stopping by to share her story.

I was invited to write a guest blog by Mark a couple months ago. No rush he said. Gah! I wish he’d never said that to me. I’m a pretty big procrastinator; people like me are the reason deadlines were invented. I kept telling myself “You need to sit down and write Jessica!” Then I started to wonder what I would write about. Do I have anything interesting to say? Any wisdom I can share? Some funny anecdotes perhaps? Then days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months.

Today I told myself how ridiculous it was to continue contemplating what I was going to write about, when I could sit in front of the computer and just start writing. Do you ever find yourself doing this in everyday life? “I’ll get to that later, when I have time.” Later, for some, may never come. Time flies by so fast, even more so as we age. I’m certain most of us have dreams, but how many of us actually set goals to achieve those dreams? Commit to a solid plan of action; get up every morning to execute that plan?

This led me to think about time, a gift we shouldn’t take for granted. I had a friend pass away unexpectedly almost five years ago at the age of 31. She left behind three beautiful daughters under the age of 13. I still remember the times she shared all the things she wanted to do, saying things like “one day I will…” My friend got caught up in her everyday life of being a mother and wife, while her dreams stayed on the back burner. Then suddenly one day, she was taken from us. She never got the chance to not only see her girls grow into women, but to accomplish some of her dreams. Those thoughts break my heart.

I’m a mother myself, have been almost half my life. Many never believed I was capable of accomplishing anything once I became a teen mother. Throw in the fact that I’m a Mexican in Southern California and forget it! I was definitely going to be a welfare mom, living off the system; another uneducated, worthless human being taking up space, along with a daughter who no doubt would follow in my footsteps. In retrospect, I’m thankful for people (some whom I’d actually looked up to at one point) who had such low expectations for me. It only made me want to work hard to prove them wrong.

I graduated not only from high school, but also from Fullerton College and Cal State Fullerton. I began acting training at Fullerton College over ten years ago – something I’d dreamed of as a kid but had always been too shy to attempt. I began my martial arts training with TaeKwon-do about six years ago when I moved to Virginia. I thought I might be too old to start in my late twenties but I stuck with it. Eventually I was introduced to Eddie Bravo’s 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu system and soon after that I was introduced to MMA and decided to take my first fight before I had begun official training.

I’m not going to lie, it’s definitely been a challenge; at times I have gotten so frustrated with myself and my unique way of learning, I’ve wanted to quit. With every loss, I’ve thought, maybe you’re just not good enough, let it go, give up. But I’m not a quitter; it’s not in my nature to give up.

In many ways, I’ve always been a fighter in life. With every challenge, I’ve pushed myself to my limits to make it happen. Have I accomplished everything that my little heart desires? Hell no! I’ve only scratched the surface. I have so many dreams that I want to make reality. One trait I actually admire about myself is my perseverance. For all of the times I have been let down, beat down, torn to pieces emotionally, back stabbed, treated badly, failed, visited the gates of hell, I’ve gotten back up. I know deep down inside I have a unique purpose and I’m nowhere near the peak of my accomplishments.

Over the years, I’ve learned to look at the positive in every situation. Bad stuff is going to happen, that’s life! It’s an unpredictable rollercoaster. Yet with the bad, there is always good. Sounds corny, I know. Yet it is so true. I never believed my mom when I was younger, but I see now. She used to pack up my brother and I and take us on long road trips to Tijuana almost every weekend it seemed. I witnessed kids living in poverty who were so excited to receive an old pair of my sneakers I had planned on just tossing in the trash; their eyes sparkled as if it was a brand new Christmas present. Some of those kids were lucky if they had the luxury of living off a stable diet of beans, rice and tortillas. Yet, they didn’t appear to be down about their unfortunate situation. They were happy little souls, content to run around in the streets from dawn to dusk, playing with sticks and rocks; appreciative of everything they received. Perhaps it was because they weren’t aware of what it was like to have more? Their innocence and appreciation of every moment was so amazing, yet I hated those trips as a kid. As an adult, I became thankful for them. They helped shape who I am. My compassion and understanding for others was developed during that time. So was my imagination and desire to make my mark on this world.

It wasn’t until the birth of my daughter, almost 17 years ago, that my desire to succeed became a passion. When I looked into those little beautiful eyes for the first time, I cried tears of happiness and made a promise to her and myself that I was going to become someone she could be proud of. My journey as a mother has been a unique one, as I am sure every mother’s is. What makes mine different from most is that I’ve grown up with my daughter, as I was just a kid myself when I had her. Many times people mistake us for sisters. And in many ways, she is like the sister I never had. We fight, do (almost) everything together, share secrets, dreams and advice, swap clothes (score!) and even train together. When I feel like giving up, she’s there for me, offering up hugs and better advice than most adults I know.

Words cannot express how proud I am of this intelligent, amazing young lady I have been blessed with as a daughter. Her work ethic in school is self-motivated, her dreams for the future are magical and refreshing and more than anything, within her reach. With each moment that passes by, she is a constant reminder that time flies by in the blink of an eye and we should make the most of it every day. It’s difficult at times to not get caught up with the stresses of life; to not let it tear you down and allow you to become unproductive. We all have our days and sometimes we need to take a break from everything to take care of ourselves. But let’s not let life pass us by. I know we all are a special piece in this puzzle called life. Let’s live it to our fullest potential! Our potentials are limitless, if we believe.

Jessica “The Proud Chicana” Martinez

twitter@theproudchicana

 

 

Things Worth Sharing

One of the things that sucks about putting myself out there as an author is that I feel as if I have to watch what I say and share. Many of my likes and dislikes might be pretty off-putting to a lot of people and why risk losing potential readers because I’ve turned them off with a video I liked or a meme I’ve shared. I kept my mouth shut during the elections, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and keep most comments to myself so people don’t think I’m some crazy nut. You can’t please everyone all the time and I’m starting to accept that. Whether it’s religion, sexuality, politics, music, or sense of humor, everyone has their preferences.

I figure the best way to do this is to share some of these things in my blog. If it turns out you and I have different tastes then skip over these, but if you want to keep an open mind and check some of these out and get a better idea of who I am and what some of my influences are, then keep on reading. What I’d really like is for this to be a two-way street. Some of you are also friends on my personal page and you guys post some awesome stuff. When you come across things you think I’d appreciate, I’d love it if you’d share it on my page.

Great Blog to Follow: My Gay Mom. There’s only one blog that I currently read and it belongs to my editor, Anthony Szpak. Not only is Anthony an incredible editor who I owe enormous thanks to for Brightside, 25 Perfect Days, and Repackaged Presents, but I respect him so much as a writer that he and I joined forces to co-author our upcoming YA horror novel. I knew he was incredibly talented, but it wasn’t until I stumbled across his blog two weeks ago that I realized just how amazing he is. Do yourself a favor and check it out. Short little tales packed full of emotion. I’m a fan.

Something to Help You Smile: I’m all about smiling and even have a game I play with my daughter where we try to see how many people we can make smile just by smiling at them first. I haven’t always been a happy person, something I struggled with for a long time. Here’s a good article on how to become happier.

Something to Make You Mad: It’s good to get mad every once in a while, especially if you do something about it. Watch this clip about the corruption in Child Protective Services. Look up other videos Darcy has put out and if you’re into liberty, be sure to check out Kokesh’s show. Watching him getting bodyslammed for dancing at the Jefferson Memorial is what turned me onto his program and the liberty movement.

Inspiring Video: Absolutely amazing what people are capable of.

Video of the Week: There Will Be No Economic Recovery. I try to be positive as much as possible, but I also believe in being prepared. It’s hard to know what to believe, especially when there’s so much disinformation out there. Watch Stefan Molyneux’s video and double check the data. If you still want to question whether or not the assumptions are correct, ask yourself if you’re angry because you’ve been lied to or because beliefs have been challenged. Sorry, but I tend to believe we are screwed.

Who Do I Want to Win?

Krause vs. Imada

An unbiased journalist wouldn’t be taking sides when it comes fight night. They’d list each fighter’s strengths and weaknesses and make predictions based off of them. Well, from the very first day I started Unlocking the Cage, I’ve tried to distance myself from that label and I’m a big believer in breaking the rules. When I interview someone for UTC, I really want to get at who they are and why they fight. Sometimes the interviews aren’t that long and we don’t get too deep, but I’d say the majority of the people really open up and I can’t help but like them. This is even more true for the guys that I get to train with. Something about sharing sweat and blood, punching each other in the face. Training with someone tells you so much about them. You get to see how hard they work, how well they work with others. I think this is where for many people their true self comes out.

When someone I interviewed has a fight, I want them to win and come out of it uninjured. Winning isn’t everything and someone has to lose, but if the fight’s between someone I know and someone I don’t, there’s no question who’s side I’m on and I do it openly like on this post which I wrote before Joe Lauzon’s last fight. But lately,I’m starting to run into a little problem. I’m talking with so many fighters that I’m beginning to see several facing off against each other. Who do I root for when I know they’re both great people, they both want the win, they’ve both sacrificed for it?

Tonight Toby Imada and James Krause battle in the RFA main event that can be seen on AXS TV. On Feb 1st, Andre Soukhamthath faces Kurt Chase-Patrick for CES. And last week, Dasha Hamilton and Stacey Scapeccia had their MMA debuts.

One thing that’s helped me put this in better perspective, is the number of times I’ve talked with fighters about their fights with other guys I’ve interviewed. Nearly every time, these individuals talk so highly about their opponents regardless of who won or lost. They remind me that it is just another sport, someone wins, someone loses, simple as that.

So for these men and women that battle each other, I’ll just wish you guys the best, that you come out of the cage a better person than when you walked in.