Beem Weeks's Blog - Posts Tagged "description"
Show, Don't Tell
Just what does that title really mean? I remember hearing this phrase often while enrolled in indie author Stephen Geez's creative writing class back in the 1990s. It's all about story description. Newbies, when writing those early stories, will tend to tell the details of a scene rather than showing them.
What is the difference between showing and telling? And why is it important to know this difference? Knowing the difference, then executing it, will make your story a much better read.
The best way to explain these two issues is to do so by example. For this exercise I'll borrow a scene from my novel Jazz Baby, and I'll write it both ways.
Example one. Telling:
I saw Neesie with a bottle of Co-cola in the kitchen. She was standing next to the icebox. She drank it like it was the last soda in all of Mississippi. She was staring out into the backyard.
I figured out what had a hold on her.
"What'd he do to you?" I asked, reading the newspaper.
She quit daydreaming. "What'd who do to me?" she demanded, no longer acting timid.
"That Injun boy you're gawking at."
She suddenly became righteous. "I ain't gawking!"
"All liars go to the lake of fire," I said, continuing to read the newspaper.
Aunt Frannie came into the room, not knowing what was going on. She poured coffee into a cup, and stared at me like Neesie stared at Billy--but without the lust.
I guess it was guilt I was feeling inside. Did she know I'd been sneaking across the river? Maybe somebody from town saw me over there.
Example Two. Showing:
Neesie took up real cozy with a bottle of Co-cola near to the icebox. She pulled down long draws from the thing like it might be the very last soda in all of Mississippi. Those dark eyes bit hard into some point of interest beyond that window framing the backyard.
Didn't take that Einstein fella to determine what had hold on her.
"What'd he do to you?" I asked, glancing through the newspaper spread across the kitchen table.
My words jerked the girl a-loose of her daydream. "What'd who do to me?" she demanded, sloughing away timidity like an old skin gone past its usefulness.
"That Injun boy you're gawking at."
Righteous indignation pinked up her cheeks real nice. "I ain't gawking!"
"All liars go to the lake of fire," I said, making like the Rayford Gazette kept secrets worth finding out.
Aunt Frannie barged into our moment, oblivious to the colored girl's mooning. She let a little coffee into a cup, made eyes at me the way Neesie did Billy, 'cept without all that lust.
Reckon I'd call it guilt, that delicate flutter inside my chest. I mean, suppose she got word of the goings on across the river? Couldn't fully discount some fella from town seeing me over there.
Conclusion
It's easy to read the difference between the two examples. Telling sucks. It's lazy writing at its worse. Showing a scene takes work. I can't tell you how many times I wrote the above show scene. I worked on it, wrote it, tweaked it, and thought about it late at night, listening to the POV character's voice inside my head speaking it onto the pages. Then I woke up the next morning and re-wrote it.
The point here is: Don't cheat your readers by cheating yourself. Take your time with each and every scene in your short stories, essays, and novels. Bring those words to living, breathing moments that dance inside your readers' minds, as if they are actual memories belonging to the one who laid down money for your work.
Happy writing!
What is the difference between showing and telling? And why is it important to know this difference? Knowing the difference, then executing it, will make your story a much better read.
The best way to explain these two issues is to do so by example. For this exercise I'll borrow a scene from my novel Jazz Baby, and I'll write it both ways.
Example one. Telling:
I saw Neesie with a bottle of Co-cola in the kitchen. She was standing next to the icebox. She drank it like it was the last soda in all of Mississippi. She was staring out into the backyard.
I figured out what had a hold on her.
"What'd he do to you?" I asked, reading the newspaper.
She quit daydreaming. "What'd who do to me?" she demanded, no longer acting timid.
"That Injun boy you're gawking at."
She suddenly became righteous. "I ain't gawking!"
"All liars go to the lake of fire," I said, continuing to read the newspaper.
Aunt Frannie came into the room, not knowing what was going on. She poured coffee into a cup, and stared at me like Neesie stared at Billy--but without the lust.
I guess it was guilt I was feeling inside. Did she know I'd been sneaking across the river? Maybe somebody from town saw me over there.
Example Two. Showing:
Neesie took up real cozy with a bottle of Co-cola near to the icebox. She pulled down long draws from the thing like it might be the very last soda in all of Mississippi. Those dark eyes bit hard into some point of interest beyond that window framing the backyard.
Didn't take that Einstein fella to determine what had hold on her.
"What'd he do to you?" I asked, glancing through the newspaper spread across the kitchen table.
My words jerked the girl a-loose of her daydream. "What'd who do to me?" she demanded, sloughing away timidity like an old skin gone past its usefulness.
"That Injun boy you're gawking at."
Righteous indignation pinked up her cheeks real nice. "I ain't gawking!"
"All liars go to the lake of fire," I said, making like the Rayford Gazette kept secrets worth finding out.
Aunt Frannie barged into our moment, oblivious to the colored girl's mooning. She let a little coffee into a cup, made eyes at me the way Neesie did Billy, 'cept without all that lust.
Reckon I'd call it guilt, that delicate flutter inside my chest. I mean, suppose she got word of the goings on across the river? Couldn't fully discount some fella from town seeing me over there.
Conclusion
It's easy to read the difference between the two examples. Telling sucks. It's lazy writing at its worse. Showing a scene takes work. I can't tell you how many times I wrote the above show scene. I worked on it, wrote it, tweaked it, and thought about it late at night, listening to the POV character's voice inside my head speaking it onto the pages. Then I woke up the next morning and re-wrote it.
The point here is: Don't cheat your readers by cheating yourself. Take your time with each and every scene in your short stories, essays, and novels. Bring those words to living, breathing moments that dance inside your readers' minds, as if they are actual memories belonging to the one who laid down money for your work.
Happy writing!
