Kelli Russell Agodon's Blog, page 72

For Those Writing Memoir-- Advice from Darin Strauss

I wrote about Half a Life: A Memoir by Darin Strauss yesterday and found this advice he had on writing memoir.



"If I was going to write about [the accident], I had to do it in a way that wasn't self-justifying. For young writers who want to do that, I think one really good trick is to just to do a word replace.  Change 'I' to 'he' or 'I' to 'she,' and write about yourself in the third person. When it comes time to send it out or look at it for revisions, change it back to 'I' or 'me.' That distance can help you tell the story. I know it sounds silly, but that little trick of distance can add a lot of perspective."





The link I found this at is here.  





I currently have a 35,000+ word memoir about leaving for a week's writing retreat and my crash-and-burn technique to return to the real world.  I haven't been working on it for quite a bit, but reading Darin's work has inspired me to put some time into it and see what happens.





So if you know any publishers/agents looking for the behinds-the-scenes look at a poet's life, feel free to send them my way...







Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Thankful Thursday - Today

I just read Darin Strauss' Half a Life: A Memoir in one day.  Fantastic read.



It reminded in some ways with another favorite book of mine, Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking.  A longer book I read in two days.



There is something about books like these, books where life/lives end or are cut short that make me thankful.  There is something about people who go through pain getting through it, that makes me hopeful.



Ever since I was a child, I've been fascinated about who leaves this world and who stays.



I'm fascinated with how life goes on and/or doesn't go on.  I used to ask my mum to drive me to gates of the cemetery near our home so I could gaze through the fence.  Oddly, she did.  And I would look in and wonder about their stories, who they were, and all the questions that go with dying.



Darin Strauss' gave me insight to what it is like to live with being the reason someone died--as an 18 year old, a girl at his school swerved out into the road on her bike and hit his car.  He really tries to be honest about how he felt, how he questioned his life, his feelings, his actions.



So today, I'm thankful for today. Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Confession Tuesday

Dear Reader,



It's been a week since my last confession and I confess I'm behind in my confessing.  My August has been busier than normal, but I've been saying that a lot "busier than normal," which to me means I've been saying "Yes" too much.



~



I confess that today is my daughter's birthday and one thing I love about her is that she wanted a quiz on world countries at her party.  Did you know the capitol of Belarus is Minsk?  I didn't.  She did.



I've learned a lot preparing this quiz such as there's a polar bear on Greenland's Coat of Arms and that 4 Great Inventions of China are: the compass, papermaking, printing, and gunpowder.



I confess I love that the girls she hangs around with are also interested in these things.  And I love these girls are more interested in reading than fashion and celebrities.



~



I confess my cats keep drinking out of my Betta fish's tank and it concerns me.  It doesn't seem to concern the fish though.



~



I confess I love how much people read in the Northwest and that the shoe of choice is Tevas, Crocs, or some other fashion-not.



~



I confess I'm thinking about my third manuscript and this makes me happy.



~



I confess I hope to get back to blogging more frequently and with more interesting subject matter in September.  I'm just kind of in my own sunshiney world these days.



Amen.



Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Postcard from Instant Gratification

Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Dear Reader,It's been one week and one completed ...

Dear Reader,



It's been one week and one completed septic system & drain field since I last confessed.  I been caring for my friend's chickens while she was away.  Each day, 2-3 eggs.  Magic.



But now it's time to confess, my mind is blank and I worry if I have any confessions to share?  I must.



To the Confessional---



I confess this morning I checked CNN to see if the stock market had continued to decline and I saw this "Worst Days of the Obama Presidency" and realized again why I dislike cable news-- they have short attention spans.  Wasn't he just a hero for for the Osama bin Laden kill?  Whatever is in front of our face is our anxiety.  Weren't we freaking out from the nuclear plant Fukishima?  What happened to that problem?



This is my cranky self saying we there is always something to fear, something to throw in our faces and saying, "The world is coming to an end" and "The country is in a recession" only to be followed by an ad from Sprint telling me I can make 3D movies on my phone.



Is it just me or is there a total disconnect from what the cable news is telling is and what corporate America is selling us?  I swear, if the news is as bad as they say, I don't think I should be making 3D movies, but maybe buying canned food instead.



~



I confess my favorite canned food when camping is chili.  But with cheese & sour cream.



~



I confess I want to read this book:  Whiter Shades of Pale: The Stuff White People Like, Coast to Coast, from Seattle's Sweaters to Maine's Microbrews  - My friend recently read it and said it was hilarious.  I know she said in one of the books, "camping" and having "gifted children" were mentioned.  I would bet that loving Trader Joe's is mentioned (or should be) as well.



~



I confess I'd be terribly upset if they ever discontinue Trader Joe's honey-sesame almonds.  These have become my favorite daily snack.



My other favorite Trader Joe's foods are:  wasbai peas, lacey cookies, lemon cookies, yellow curry sauce, and mango chutney.  These are the strange staples in my home.



~



I confess I'm not currently thinking about breakfast after that last confession.  Time to break open a box of Total cereal...



Amen.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Postcard from a Non-Summer Writer

Buddy Holly on a morning walk while camping...




Good Monday Morning, Friends.  How are you today?



I'm good, but in a odd spot.  I feel I haven't felt I have had anything blogworthy to say recently.  

Summer does that to me.  I'm easily distracted by blue sky and find myself feeling like less of a writer.  In June, I start to write less, July, I live as if I've never held a pencil in my life.  I long to be outside and hope for sunny skies.

But then as August returns and (if you love summer cover your eyes here), I can feel fall in the air and I love that.  I love seeing the blackberries ripen, feel the evenings get a little cooler.  I start to find my writerly self again.  I sweep the sand out of the house and watch the autumn sedum redden.  

By the time September comes around, I'm ready to toss my flip-flops into the shoe box and pull out my cozy boots and sweaters.

I know a lot of people who teach, write during the summer.  But I am the classic student who disappears in her work from September through May.  And I'm okay with that.  In fact, I like having a time where I focus on everything but writing.

This strange not-writing-in-the-summer used to freak me out a bit.  I'd worry that by the time September arrived, I wouldn't be able to write again. I might have forgotten how.  Now I realize we all need time to fill up and that we are always writers, even when we are collecting experiences and living life.

So I'm reading. I've returned to Terrance Hayes Lighthead and will be reviewing Dean Young's Fall Higher for Copper Canyon Press (which I'm loving!)  And just letting the world happen without my to-do list in hand.  Okay, that was kind of a fib because I have a short to-do list on my desk...



But in the Northwest, we don't get a lot of sun (even in the summer!) so we must honor the glowing orb by sitting under it and doing nothing.  It's a truth here.  We'll be locked in our homes soon enough due to rain.  And that's okay, it's one of the reasons there are so many writers here.



By the way, make sure to take one more look at that handsome golden retriever in the photo.  He'll be six this October and well, I think he's fantastic.



Happy August!

Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Postcard from a Rough Patch

Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Thankful Thursday- Martha Silano & New Hat

Marty & I on our writing date...


I realized I missed last Thankful Thursday, but that is summer.   More sun, less schedule.



So this week, it's a two-fer.  My thankfulness goes out to my friend, Martha Silano (whose newest book, The Little Office of the Immaculate Conception is currently $7.80! on Amazon!!).  It's one of my very favorite all-time books, by the way.



I'm also truly thankful our friendship,, our time together, and the special lunch she took me to and the red "trophy" hat she bought me to celebrate my winning the Foreword Book of the Year in poetry.



I'm so thankful to have my poetry friends and to live a place (the Northwest) where you can throw a stick and hit a poet.   But don't do that.  Sticks hurt.



Thank you, Marty!



By the way, Martha blogs at Blue Positive here.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Confession Tuesday

Well, it's Tuesday, there's sun in the Northwest, an orange tractor in my yard, and am ridiculously lazy.  I guess I should confess...



To the Confessional--



I confess on the sunniest day of the year, when everyone was out and being active, I stayed inside in my PJs all day and read with my daughter.  I also got some work done and watched the documentary Good Hair with Chris Rock.



If you're a husband, and you've *ever* thought your wife spent too much on her hair, just watch this film and you will be thankful that your wife doesn't have a weave, and if she does...I'm very sorry for your checking account.



But it was a very interesting documentary and well, I *heart* Chris Rock, so I really couldn't lose with this one.



~



I confess that a friend of mine is turning 40 and she's heard 40 is the best decade.  Since I'm not 50 (which I've heard is *even* better), I will say my 40's are (so far, I'm only in the opening years) better than my 30's.



My 30's were anxiety-filled.  I was wound very tight.  There were people in my life I kept in my life because I didn't want to hurt their feelings.



My 40's are much less apologetic.  I'm still try not to be mean and keep my compass pointed at kindness, but I don't keep people in my life who aren't good for me anymore.



I also feel more of who I am now than in my 30's.



I spent a lot of my thirties trying to fit in with the other moms at my daughter's school only to realize I suck at scrapbooking and that I didn't have a lot in common with them except that we had unprotected sex around the same time and 9 months later had a child.  



~



I confess the less I volunteer at my daughter's school, the happier I am.



I know, that sounds very Mommy Dearest, but honestly, it's true.  I loved seeing her and being there for her, but really just being in the situation of her social world and the school's energy tied me in knots.  I over-thought everything.  And worried.



I confess field trips were the worst.  The bus ride was a short purgatory.  Then as an extra you-might-be-in-hell bonus, having to watch other people's kids.  I was not born with the everything-will-be-fine gene, I was born with the omg-why-is-that-boy-walking-on-the-edge-of-the-downtown-street-someone-is-going-to-die-on-this-field-trip gene.



~



I confess I'm getting better at handling anxiety and some days I think I've mastered it, but it comes back sometimes and I have to think, "Oh right, I still haven't lost that baggage yet."



I wonder if becoming older helps me with my anxieties because I just can't remember what I was worried about.  Hmmm, if this is the case, I can imagine my 50's anxiety-free. Okay, another reason growing older has its perks.



Amen.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

You're Not Crazy, Your Television Is!

I took a short vacation with my husband to a favorite resorty hotel for a couple days to be away from huge house project.  My goals?  To read, to nap, to watch the water, mountains, and herons.  It was luxurious and relaxing, except for one mistake I made-- I turned on the television.





A year ago, I canceled our cable so we only have the basic stations, plus Discovery & Hallmark (the two channels they throw into the mix when you buy basic cable--my guess is that this is because no one watches the Hallmark channel, but I digress...)  




I canceled cable it for a couple reasons-- the first was because more than not, I'd come into the house and the cooking channel was on and hear, as I walked into my own home, the first greeting was by Racheal Ray or Paula Dean.  Not that I do not like either of these two ladies, but since I don't live with them, I became annoyed hearing their voices the very second I entered my home.




Two-- The Cartoon channel was turning my brain and my child's brain crabby patty. (Those with kids, will get the Spongebob reference in that one.)




Three - The Midriff Stations-- this is what I began to refer to the walk up the channels between The Daily Show & the Home and Garden Shows.  MTV, VH1, MTV2 and I'm not sure what else was in the mix as I used to flip past it before I saw some girl on girl action, someone screaming at someone else, or anything else that has nothing to do with music videos.




Four-- Even with all the channels we had, there was nothing on TV.




I gave my family a budget, told them they had 3 months to look for the best deal where they could get the stations they wanted for the amount I was willing to pay ($45 a month), then to go for it.  But an odd thing happened, no one bothered to look.  So when the 3 month deadline came up, I canceled cable.  And another weird thing happened-- no one even missed it, and within a week, that Food Network time was filled up with something else.  Also, now we only pay $18.95 a month for cable-- love that!




So back to why I'm writing this post.




I turned on the television on my vacation.  I turned on the television specifically to see if they had the OWN channel (Oprah Winfrey Channel), they did (and honestly, I was underwhelmed...)  How any shows can one watch about Tatum O'Neal & her father and Shania Twain?  I think I understand now why the OWN channel is struggling...




But on the way to the Oprah Channel, I flipped through all the other channels and realized how much these other shows create a sort of frazzle in a calm day.  




Things I saw that I do not miss-- reality shows about celebrities including Gene Simmons (how long has he had a show?!)  Gene Simmons should not have a show because he is a slow-talker and that doesn't make for good TV. But in all these shows, each could have been called "how I misbehave for the tv cameras" or "the cameras are here, let's be cranky and/or say something that should be bleeped out."




Still, I can see why people why reality shows are watched-- you kind of "know" these celebrities and you get this weird (though skewed and edited) look into their lives.  Plus, it's bubblegum entertainment for the brain--let's watch the Kardashians, the Osbournes, the Simmons, to realize how less screwed up our family is!  I get that.  These were not the shows that made my head hurt while scanning through, it was the news shows.




If I could rid this world of one thing to make a positive difference, it would be cable news.  




They do not only beat a news story with a stick, but they also skin it, hang it on the line, wear it as a cape, and wrap themselves and everyone else around them in it.  




The worst channels are the one that have so many things around the newscaster's face from stock quotes to weather to breaking news to logos to lines of text that is probably just added for effect, it made my brain hurt.  There is so much writing and images on the screen, the newscaster looked as if she was picking out between the information overload.




Television isn't bad.  As someone who still quotes from Designing Women, will kick back and watch a couple episodes of Antique Roadshow, who watches Amazing Race with her family every week it's on, I definitely do not want to be one of those people who when you ask, "Did you see the last Grey's Anatomy?" responds with a holier-than-thou: We don't watch TV (instead of a more polite, "No I didn't.")




But I do want to suggest that too much television and the image and news overload, might be screwing up your inner calmness.  




I realized it when I saw the lady's face hovering above three lines of stock quotes and breaking news, that she was like the Wizard of Oz, floating head, dishing out "important" info, but pull the curtain away and it's all for ratings.  




It's all to take away our own creativity and time.




It made me realize once again, we are each in charge of what we bring into our lives.  




And you might think you're frazzled, anxious, overwhelmed with not enough time to write.  Consider the television.  Your life is just fine as is your brain and your emotions.  You might just need a detox from the screen.  




After a year of TV detox, just turning it back on made me realize what craziness I left.  I hadn't realized the anxiety it created in me because I was living it daily, but turning it back on and seeing 24 hour news at its worst, I realized that I think I feel calmer today because I'm completely blocked out from the cable news.



And as I said, I haven't given it all up, just the garbage stuff like cable news and shouting families.  I mean, our own families are nutty enough, must we get craziness from people we're not even related to?  




I guess I will always be thankful that television comes with an off button.
















  






Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com