Kelli Russell Agodon's Blog, page 74

Oh You Don't Want That - When Others Try to Supervise Your Dreams

Artwork by Jessica Swift.  Visit her Etsy shop at:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/jessgonacha





I noticed this interesting trend lately with some people in my life-- when I say something I want and they respond with "You don't want that..."  which is a weird response because I'm pretty sure I had just said: I want this...



Sometimes there are reasons after it, "You don't want that because you wouldn't be happy," "That's not for you," "You wouldn't like it..."



It actually took me awhile to realize this game of "Oh, you don't want to do that..." has been going on in my life.  I say what I want and someone who thinks they know me better than me says, "Oh, you don't want to do that..."



What brings this up is with the enormous house project that is going on this summer I realize that I would love to downsize to a smaller house with a smaller yard to maintain and preferably closer to the sea.  (BTW, I'm a Capricorn, we have to talk about something for a few years before it happens-- we are planners so when I say something like "I want to downsize," it doesn't mean next week, it usually means "in 5 years from now.")



Lately, when I say, "I'd love to live on a houseboat" I hear, "No you wouldn't... it's cold, it's too small, it's _________."



My guess is that my dreams aren't in sync with others' dreams or that my dreams/plans/goals don't fit with others' goals.  I also think some fear I would move to far away and we'd lose touch.  I think others are just projecting their feelings about said dream onto me.



This is not new for me.



As I said, I've spent my life saying what I'd like to do and having people say, "Oh, you don't want to do that..."  Or offering various reasons my ideas/dreams/goals are no good.  And for a long time, I fell for it. I believed others' opinions were equal or greater than my own.



Here are two examples of things I did in my 20's that people tried to convince me not to do--



A small example:



When buying my first car, I didn't want to make a mistake so I asked everyone for their advice and everyone told me to get a practical car.  When I said, "But I want a convertible," everyone said, "No you don't.  The roof will leak, you live in Seattle & it rains too much hear to use it."  So I bought my practical car, a smart 4-door Mitsubishi Gallant.  I hated that car.



Every day for one year I regretted my decision to buy that car.  Despite how many people complimented me on the car, on my decision, on all of it, I wanted to sell my 4-door sensible car and buy a 2-seater convertible.  (No, you don't want to do that- where will people sit, what if you have kids, but your car is so smart...)



Finally, realizing I didn't care I made a mistake and I could fix this I sold my 4-door Gallant and I bought a little 2-seater convertible Miata that had no room in the truck, no room inside the car, and was completely impractical-- oh I loved that car!  I was the happiest person in Seattle's rush hour sitting on the freeway listening to music.  And the best part about passengers-- I never had to drive to lunch again because my car was too small (an added benefit I hadn't even planned on!)



A larger example--



I wanted to quit my corporate job in the city and move to a small town of less than 3000 people (a town that requires you to take a ferry ride to get here).  Oh and to make things even more fun, I added "I want to work on my poetry and be a writer."



---Oh you don't want to do that. 





When I told this goal to my friends & co-workers, they started recommending therapists.  People were ready to have my committed.  I was going to leave my job being 6 month early from being "fully vested" in my 401K.  Oh, how could I make these decisions and move to a town where I knew no one.  How could I leave, quit my well-paying secure job and write poetry.  But you keep getting promoted! they said. (They didn't realize, that was part of the problem.) People thought I had lost my mind.





But you'll be so far away.

But the town is tiny, you'll be bored.

But you have to take the ferry all the time.

But you're not in Seattle.

But you won't be able to find a job.

But you'll be sorry.

But but but...





But here's the thing-- my mind has *never* been wired like others.



While other people wanted to go to parties, I wanted to stay home and read.  While other people wanted to talk about what the Spice Girls were doing, I was attending poetry readings.  While other people wanted friends around them all the time, I wanted solitude.  While other people were looking for new homes, I wanted an old house with character.  I didn't want a perfect walkway, I wanted one with cracks from a past earthquake, I wanted a quirky house where none of the corners were exactly square.



So I moved.



I moved from the Seattle area because it was so expensive and I knew to live there I would need to continue working long hours just to afford a house or rent.  I didn't want that. I didn't want the traffic, the commute, and the fact that my writing was being pushed to the side because I was working 60-70 hour weeks.



And it worked out.  (It always does in the end, and if it's not worked out, it's not the end yet.)



But I've noticed the trend again.  The "You don't want to do that..."



Here's the thing I have learned in my life--



My dreams are not sensible, they never have been. I will chose the impractical, but I will be happy.  I will choose what would be a bad decision for a thousand people, but it's perfect for me.  My dreams and goals are just that-- MY dreams and goals.



(Oh and the only place where choosing the impractical has been a problem is with my shoes, that that is whole other lifetime post of poor decisions...)



But it's my choice.




I am always hanging out on my own path and I'm happy here.



My path can include consignment shops and small towns.  It involves working from home and freelancing.  It involves a lot of hope and a lot of work, but it's the work I love.  It involves me saying, "You know, I don't need all the extras in life, just a lot of amazement, wonder, and uniqueness."



It is a constant reminder to me that my dream has never been the norm.



And I'm going to keep saying my goals and hopes and dreams out loud because for me, that helps make them happen.  And when people say, "Oh you don't want to do that..." I will respond:  But I do.  And I will.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

How To Delete Your Google+ Account...

Okay, somehow I joined Google+ only to realize it was yet another networking site I didn't need to be a part of (I swear, I think these sites were created to keep more books off the shelves as writers spend so much time networking instead of writing...)



I found this great HOW TO post on how to delete this account (without deleting all your other content or Google Profile). 



I just deleted my Google+ account and my world feels a little simpler...



By the way, if anyone is using Google+ and really likes it, let me know and what you appreciate it about it.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Friday's Thought - The Best People...

Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Thankful Thursday- Beauford Delaney, American Artist

 Street Scene by Beauford Delaney
Beauford Delaney (1901 - 1979) was a consummate artist and a warm-hearted man.









This is my favorite artist that many people have never heard of.  





I think the best biography of his life is this:  Amazing Grace: A Life of Beauford Delaney by David Leeming - He's been overlooked as an artist and I have been inspired by art as well as what I've read about his gentleness and charm.  He was friends with Georgia O'Keeffe who painted this portrait of him--







Beauford Delaney by Georgia O'Keeffe




I am amazed how much hasn't been written about him, but I'm thankful for this blog: Le Amis de Beauford Delaney for keeping his memory alive.





Here's a link to more of his paintings.





And this, a short summary of who he was--





"Beauford Delaney was a celebrated artist who was part of the Harlem Renaissance during the 1930's and 40's. Beauford moved to Paris in 1953 where he developed a distinct style of abstract impressionism, and became a mentor and friend to expatriate writers James Baldwin and Henry Miller."  From a Tale of Two Brothers by Jack Neely.





as well as this from his brother, Joseph Delaney:







First and last, Beauford is an artist - one of the most sensitive and talented of all artists of all times. To qualify that broad statement would explore all of the qualities which make for the enigma which genius is ... whatever that is. Some creativity trained and inspired by life, living also with a personality void of definition, this unusual person was spotted early in his life. Scholars of all grades in school as well as teachers and professional people of high rank gave Beauford time and understanding.

Those early years which Beauford and I enjoyed together I am sure shaped the direction of our lives as artists. We were constantly doing something with our hands - modeling with the very red Tennessee clay, also copying pictures. One distinct difference in Beauford and myself was his multi-talents. Beauford could always strum on a ukelele and sing like mad and could mimic with the best. Beauford and I were complete opposites: me an introvert and Beauford the extrovert. Beauford went on to cultivate a taste for the opera and other great classics in music and literature.

He was never happier than the day in 1969 when I visited Paris. He took me to the French Opera which is truly great but I will settle for the Moulin Rouge any time.





~





I am thankful to be able to share Beauford Delaney with you and am thankful for his art.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Postcard from a Writing Group

Ronda, Janet, Jeannine, Kelli, Lana, Annette, Jenifer


Here's my incredible writing group celebrating my recent good news, which is also their good news because honestly, we're all in this together.



(By the way, subtract about 4-5 inches from my hair length now, I just got it cut short above the shoulders as it was taking too long to dry and cutting into my writing time.)Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Money, Money, Money...

So I have been wanting to read this book for a long time...LONG TIME--



Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence: Revised and Updated for the 21st Century



So I bought the audio version of it and listed to it on my way to a friend's house.  And by the time I got there, the book had absolutely shut me down in regards to money and completely made me self-conscious of every purchase I was making.



Now, I know that's the point, the point is based on the idea that Money = Freedom, which I completely agree.  But it says things like, "Once you've bought your sewing machine, that's the last sewing machine you have to buy in your lifetime and you can cross it off your list."



Statements like these make me panic-- dear gawd, if this is my last sewing machine in my life, I better make sure I buy the right one...which shuts me down and I do nothing.  "The right one" - it's a killer in money and art.



Nothing will ever be "the right one" including spouses, sewing machines and poems-- but things can be "good enough."



Your Money or Your Life has you actually figuring out what your ACTUAL hourly wage is, for example, if you make $25 an hour, but to commute to work you spend $5 on gas, $10 on a ferry ride, $500 a month on daycare, etc.... You don't make $25 an hr.



Once all the expenses needed are taken into account for you to be at work, then your dollar-per-hour may only be $15 an hour, or $8.  This formula helps make it easier to figure out if you *really* want to buy something-- now that $8 sandwich costs you an hour of your time, do you really want to get it now, or do you want to wait 30 minutes until you're home and eat the food you know you have in your refrigerator?



Don't get me wrong, this is an awesome book.  It completely can change the your views on money and how much you *really* need and to put your TIME as your top priority.  As a writer, I love this.  As a Capricorn, this book was almost a little too much. I had listened to her talk for my 3 hour drive and when I went into a consignment shop to buy a new summer coat I needed (well, she may argue "needed" but I had just given my old coat to Goodwill, so I believed I needed one!)  I found one for $20 and it was truly hard for me to buy it.  I felt as if I had already failed.



Time has passed since I read the book and money moves more freely from my pocket again (both good and bad), but sometimes I need to feel as if I've found a middle ground-- How to Be a Poet and Live with Freedom Without Being a Stingy Jerk, will be the book that I need to read--or write.



Still, if you really need an overhaul for your money situation, while I still put The Circle of Simplicity: Return to the Good Life (as it type this I see it's $3.98 right now at Amazon!) as my top choice for changing your life to YOUR priorities and helping you be less materialistic and swayed by consumerism, but this would be #2.  As hard as it was for me to feel normal after reading it, I learned a lot and I'm glad it freaked it me out a bit.  It's a good reminder of what my goals in life are.



Oh and I heard this from Chris Rock of all people, "Being wealthy is not about having a lot of money, it's about having a lot of options."  Oh, that is so true!Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Best Definition of Writer's Block

BTW, you can get this sticker on Etsy...Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Thankful Thursday - Oregon Poetic Voices

The Oregon Poetic Voices have put the audio of the poems I read at Wordstock on their website.



If you want to hear what I sound like or see the poems I read, you can do so here.



If you only have time to listen (or read) one, I recommend, "Natural History Lesson on a Hike to God's Point."





What's great about their website is how many poets they highlight. You can see the full list here.  And listen to them.



The also have a section for teachers on how to teach poetry with some great links.



So there we are, Oregon Poetic Voices-- I'm thankful for their work in Northwest bringing more poets to more people and making it easy for people to learn about poetry.



~



Oh and my history with Oregon?  My family, the Russells came from Tennessee to Oregon and settled in Coos Bay in the 1800's.  And yes, there's still a Russell Ranch (and a Russell Cemetery) we plan on visiting again this year.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Amazing Poetry Book Sale Supports White Pine Press

Support White Pine Press and add new treasures to your library. 



There's a pretty fantastic poetry sale that JUST started and the proceeds from it will help my press, White Pine Press. Here's the link to all the incredible books and collections of books that are for sale.



There are some pretty amazing books and some signed including Jane Hirshfield, Naomi Shihab Nye, Agha Shihad Ali, Julia Alvarez, Carolyn Forche, James Wright, Franz Wright, Stanley Kunitz, William Stafford, Charles Simic, and many more...  The list does my heart well.





Here's the full info about the sale--  





White Pine Press founder Dennis Maloney is selling off his forty year collection of signed and first editions of poetry and more to raise funds to support White Pine Press. The sale includes significant collections of several poets including Gary Snyder, Robert Bly, Tomas Transtromer, Michael McClure, Philip Whalen, Pablo Neruda, Wendell Berry, a selection of early work by Native American poets and smaller selections of many other authors. 



White Pine Press, is a non-profit organization, and sales of material donated to a library or other institution or purchased for above the fair market value of the items will be eligible for a tax deduction. For additional information, questions, or purchases please email Dennis Maloney at dennismaloney@yahoo.com. 





~~





Make sure to check out what's for sale, there are some pretty amazing books!Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

English Majors in Love...

Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com