Kelli Russell Agodon's Blog, page 68

This made me laugh today-->

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In other words:  WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Happy to say that it has no longer been 85 days since I last submitted a poem...

I just sent 3 poems to A Public Space.

FINALLY! 



[image error] Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Confession Tuesday

Dear Reader,



It's that time... time to confess your sins, thoughts, secrets, all the things you need to let off your chest.



Here are some other people confessing today--



PoetMom (January O'Neil)

Live. Laugh. Run. Breathe. (Bari - not a poet, but a runner)



Normally, we have a few others-- (Michael Wells, Erin Hollowell, etc.) but it seems no one has entered the confessional as of my writing this.



Also, in doing my search for blog posts, I noticed that runners are confessing on Tuesday too.  Runners and poets and writers. I  like it.



To the confessional--



I confess I haven't yet submitted my poems yet, but plan on it today.



And that said, I am SO thankful to all your comments on my Not Sending Work Out into the World post  Thank you for your words and links and thoughts.



It is part of the job as a writer.  We need to submit (and be rejected as well as accepted) to  have publication success.  If you want that, then well, you (I) need to submit.



I will let you know where I send to.  And I'll promise to tell you what they said.  Yes or no.  I confess I'm not shy about rejections.  I think they should be celebrated because it means you're submitting your work.



~



I confess I've been loving poetry lately.



I've been reading Dean Young's Fall Higher and just loving what he does with words and the freshness of his poems.



If you remember Dean just had a heart transplant in the spring.  NPR did a great story on it here.  I haven't heard how he's doing now, hopefully well, if anyone knows, please share.



~



I confess after my retreat, I've been in a funny space (funny peculiar, not funny ha-ha). I've moved from content to annoyed then back to content.  I think coming home from a writing residency does take some adjusting.  Some things I returned to too quickly.  Other things, I eased my way back into.



I confess also that I have already put on my winter weight (I'm thinking it's from a week of wine, cheese, and prosciutto at my writing retreat)- okay, I called it "winter weight" and it just became autumn, what can I say I've always been an overachiever.



Ever year I tend to gain 5-10 pounds in the winter and lose it in the spring.  It doesn't freak me out and in fact, I like my curvier self.



Rosie O'Donnell has a great rant about it in the movie Beautiful Girls --





Let me explain something to you okay? Girls with big t*ts have big asses, girls with little t*ts have little asses. That's the way it goes. God doesn't f**k around, he's a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful t*ts, and the skinnies little, tiny niddlers. It's not my rule. If you don't like it, call Him.





(You can watch the whole monologue here on YouTube, just be aware if you're watching at work or have little ones, Rosie has some colorful language starting at the 1 second mark and going on from there.  But I think her rant is both hilarious and true, and have always remembered it from the movie.)





And yes, I confess I believe the big butt is part of the deal.  If you don't have the bum to go with what's going on in the front, something isn't right.



I confess a recent Facebook status was "I realize I like cheese more than I like fitting in my jeans."  Bring on the brie!



~



Amen.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Sending Work Out into the World (or Not Doing That at All!)

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Happiness is Submission to God...zilla



That above photo made me smile.  Submission to God, or Godzilla, or literary journals, I'm not submitting anywhere these days!  In fact, I was looking over my "Days Since" calendar and it's been 81 days since I've submitted a poem.  Good one.



I know that submitting one's work is part of the job, but I'm lazy at it and can be a perfectionist.  I said I hadn't been submitting because I didn't really have any good poems to send out.  Okay, that's fair-- we don't want to display all our half-finished coloring pages, but it's more than that.  I have gotten to a point where I really dislike submitting and I've become lazy about it.



If you are reading this as a writer looking for advice, I advise you not to follow my example.



Submitting your work is part of the job of a writer.  Longer prose work to an agent.  Shorter pieces to literary journals.



So what's my problem?



I've basically just put it off and allowed myself to be unaccountable for that aspect of my writing life.  Basically, I like writing more than submitting, so I've written, but haven't sent anything out.



I need to.  I connect by email with two other writers and each week (though we've been sloppier about it this year) we mail out our weekly goals.



I will put on my goals that I will send my poems out to two places next week. This is the time of year to be sending out your poems, sort of like adding seeds to the garden so you'll have flowers blooming in a few months.



So where have you submitted recently?  Any good news?



I'd love to hear and be inspired by what you've done...Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Thankful Thursday: BatCat Press & Renee Emerson

Over the summer, I received the most lovely chapbook of poems by Renee Emerson called Where Nothing Can Grow.  It's published by a small press called BatCat Press and you should definitely check them out.



I receive a lot of books in the mail, but this one definitely got my attention.



First, it's a chapbook, but it's hardbound!  And hand-constructed.  I opened to the center and could see where they punched holes and threaded the stitching, yes, hand-stitched.  Oh books, how I love you.  And the inside cover has a beautiful navy blue design and a velum cover page.  Yes, each individually bounded and numbered by hand.  To me, these books are a work of art and we need to support these presses.



You would think that a book like this would be $50 or more, but no, $10 for a piece of beauty.



And I haven't even mentioned the poems.  Beautiful, also.  Renee Emerson writes poems that ground the reader in place and story.  She writes in the poem, "Sons and Daughters," The one with the most expensive camera/becomes the photographer...  And her poems are snapshots of life, snapshots of stories and moments.



I read this chapbook while being driven someplace and that is how I felt while I read, as if I was being taken from my life into this paper world.



As in this poem "True Story"--



Oh, what we could've had!

Co-mingling, litters of star-mice,

true luminous bodies, scattered

in long grass, reflecting ...



Renee writes in a way that invites the reader in. I cannot tell you how much I admire this trait in a writer, she is happy to have us along for the ride!  And it shows in her poems, she writes with music throughout her narratives, looking back and considering, bringing us into the place.  It's a true gift of a poet to be able to bring a place to a reader.



The last poem was probably my favorite, the poem, "What we have and why we have it," where she writes:



Because my hands are ink stained

from notes to suits from suits, and my heels

are chaffed by cheap shoes...



And rent, with its baby

bird O of a mouth opens

each month.



Because we fill it, each mouth, each month...



~



You can pick up Renee Emerson's book WHERE NOTHING CAN GROW here



You can learn about BatCat Press here.



[image error] You can learn more about Renee Emerson here at her webpage.



And here's a link to another of Renee's poems from Boxcar Poetry



I am thankful to be introduced both to a new poet and new press, though both aren't exactly new, except new to me, but how lucky I feel to have found them.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

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Confession Tuesday - Writing Residency Edition

Our note because last time, we had a few haunted incidents in our apartment (which I personally loved)...


Dear Reader, 

I am writing to you with my "retreat mind" still somewhat intact.  I know in the next few days I will lose this silence, and return to what seems "normal"-- NPR always on in the kitchen, the chatter of Facebook and the rest of the internet, the world's news coming at me from all directions, but right now as I type this, the day feels slow--even with many tasks and commitments ahead--I do not want to check MSN, Facebook, Twitter, but want to keep this calmness in my head.

But there's a lot that happened in a quiet week of working.  

To the confessional--







This is my room where I wrote for the last week.  I confess, by day two I had put a yellow blanket over the floral comforter because it was hurting my eyes or as I kept saying, "My bedspread is offending me."  Annette called my bedspread cover "Victorian Fainting Couch" style, and she was very close to naming what was hurting my eyes.









Annoyed Hornet in Wine Glass


I confess because the days were warm and I kept my windows open, I became the Hornet Trainer.  By the end of my stay, I was very much the Karate Kid of the Wine Glass, if you remember that scene with him, a fly and chopsticks, well, let's just say I raised the bar a little bit by adding hornets and a wineglass.  I could scoop them from the air by the end of this trip, in fact I've been cast in a new movie:  The Poetic Kid: When Hornets Attack.





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I confess this is where I sat and wrote a poem straight through on evening at 5 (that is Mt. Baker in the distance, Denise Levertov's favorite mountain).  And I confess when I tried to recreate the magic the following night at the same place, it didn't happen.  This is poetic inspiration (similar to Project Runway motto)-- One night you're in, the next night you're out.  





The second night I did get a new poem, but it wasn't as brilliant as the first poem in the way it was written out.  The first poem came out start to finish (when this happens, it's truly a gift).  The second poem had many arrow pointing in between other lines.  The second poem worried if it was doing it right, if it could be all that its big sister was before.  The second poem dropped the baton, but picked it up and kept trying.






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Romantic Movie Lovers: notice the background of "An Officer & a Gentleman" (it was filmed here)



I confess my writing residency made me make a choice that was hard to make. On my 2nd day there, the awards celebration for the Washington State Book Awards (Susan Rich, Oliver de la Paz, and I were all finalists) was scheduled in Seattle AND January O'Neil was in town to do a reading.  I bought a dress, I planned on going to both, and then... I didn't.  

This wasn't an easy choice.  I sat with myself and listened hard.  My ego wanted to go.  My ego wanted to get dressed up and be part of the crowd, the glorious winners.  But my writer self wanted to stay tucked in.  My writer self said, "You will leave here at 1 pm and not return until midnight or the next day."  My writer self said, "You will lose one full day of writing and have to resettle in."  My writer self said, "It's about the work this week..."

So I stayed.  My apartment mates helped me feel better about my decision and at the time I did.  But I confess, there is a part of me that wished I could be in two places at once.  Because I chose not to go, I made a point to write and revise more while on the residency to make sure, something would come out of the time I chose to stay.  And it did.


I confess I took a daily nap at the residency.  I was amazed how tired I was--write a poem, take a nap.  This was my schedule.  And I was good at it.





 I confess I think everyone should take yourself out of your regular life for at least a week a year. And really try to take yourself out.  I texted my family mostly so not to be drawn into the daily details, though I learned I could call them at night, but I kept it short.  I would always end with "I need to get back to work" as a reminder that I wasn't just up here giving myself pedicures and talking with the gals, but actually producing new work.



And I confess, returning to one's home after such an experience offers a few interesting things to consider--



1)  Your family realizes HOW MUCH YOU DO when you are here and appreciates you more.  Honestly, it felt good to be missed.



2)  You are creating good role models for your own kids (if you have them), especially if you have girls who will grow up with their own passions and interests, and especially, if they are artists themselves.  (I write this because women/moms seem to have bigger issues about leaving their families for a while to write than dads do...)



For example, the first time I went away to write when my daughter was even younger, I was a mess. I felt guilty.  I felt as if something terrible was going to happen when I was away.  I cried.  I called home all the time to check in. I could hardly be away.  And then about halfway through my week, I realized my time to write was almost over.  I didn't waste it away by worrying or crying (okay, I still did both occasionally), but I wrote.



I wrote new poems and remembered what it was like to be a person with dreams, goals, interests and passions.  Getting away to write reminds you that you are a person with individual dreams, goals and passions.  That's a good thing.



3)  Coming home can be a bit of a transition.  -- I've gotten better.  Two years ago, I came home terribly vulnerable and basically crash landed back into my own life.  There were tears and fights and more than I can write here.  But what I've learned is to allow myself back into the world more softly.



I ask my family not to ask anything of me on the day I return.  Even the question of "What do you want for dinner?" can make me fall apart sometimes.  As I said, I've gotten much better at transitioning faster, but do give yourself some time to reconnect with your own life.  There may be some things you see in your life that you don't like anymore, or you need to fix when you return.  So give yourself some time to return back in.





I love these signs; they remind me of The Partridge Family.


C'mon get happy...


























































I confess while my manuscript is still untitled, it's on its way.



When I left, I had two pages of poems I felt were complete, now I have thirteen pages in my manuscript.  I also have a nice selection of poems asking to be revised and saying they are almost ready to be included (I came close to putting them in, but I'm really working on not adding poems to my manuscript until I feel they are completely and positively done and the best I can do).



So I feel good about what I did.  And maybe I'll start submitting poems again. I haven't for awhile because I felt as if I didn't have anything acceptable enough.  I do now.



Thank you to a week of poetry.



Amen.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Where I Am

This is my desk for a few more days.

Notice the "Make Art, Not War." Notice the wild sweet peas and beneath that a picture of Frida Kahlo.

I came here to begin revising my third manuscript. I have, I went from two pages of poems that I felt were complete to fourteen pages. I started three new poems yesterday.

One I started while sitting on the edge of a cliff looking at a lighthouse and a mountain.

Deer are everywhere here. But so are hornets. Each afternoon I know it's time to close my windows after I've caught and released no less than ten hornets with a wine glass. Hornet season is bad this yes, or maybe these are paper wasps. Either way, they find their way and I am their escort out.

Thankfully, I am not afraid of bees or wasps or hornets and in fact, if their buzzing wasn't so loud, would let them travel the room until they find their way back to the blackberries. But I am afraid of not writing poems or working, and their buzzing makes me lose my place, lose my poem, and that is why we can't live together in this small room with big windows.



Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

How to Celebrate a One Year Anniversary of Book Publication

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This week is the one year anniversary of my book, Letters from the Emily Dickinson Room, which came out last October from White Pine Press.



How am I celebrating?



I am devoting the entire week to my third manuscript (currently untitled).  Yes, I am spending the week writing.



I have been looking forward to this and this week realized I had scheduled it on the anniversary of my book release, which felt perfect.



I'll post photos after my week and let you know what I've done, what challenges I've had.  I don't think I will finish it this week, but hoping to get a better idea of how it will be ordered, what it's deepest themes are and figure out what poems I need to write.



Until we talk again, let your world also be filled with words.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Confession Tuesday

Dear Reader,



It's been a quirky week.  Or maybe I'm just quirky and weak.  It could be either.  I have a lot of weirdness on my mind, let's just get to things.



To the Confessional--



I confess one of my favorite things to do is empty the trash on my Mac laptop because it makes this noise that sounds like paper crumbling.  I get some weird serotonin kick when I hear it.  Sort of as if I've done something spectacular.



~



I confess I also love to organize my gmail and put things into folder and only have a limited amount of emails showing. While it hasn't happened in years, an empty email account with zero also gives me a serotonin kick.



~



I confess I signed up to do a half marathon in June.  I am *not* a runner.  I'm a walker, a rider, or a paddler.  Why did I sign up for this?  I want a medal.  It's as easy as that.



And I won't be running (I am not built to run as I am one of the softer curvier people in life and running makes me feel as if I'm made of cookie dough--okay, I am probably made of cookie dough, but I don't need to feel that way).  So I'm walking it.  It's not until June so that means my December of fudge and Christmas cookies will not be sacrificed.



Oh and I know running is supposed to give you a serotonin kick, but honestly, I get more a kick from cookies.



~



I confess I think it's weird that they are selling a 3D television that requires you to wear glasses.



People have to put on 3D glasses in their home to watch their television.  This seems like a big pain in the butt.  When I watch TV, I like to have about 5 other activities going on--answering email, making a To-Do list, reading a magazine. I do not want to sit in my living room looking like the Terminator just so it can appear as if the stick is coming at my face.



~



I confess it's always amazing what we can be sold.  So many things that were once conveniences or just high-tech playtoys are now essentials.  And I kind of dislike the part of me that goes back into the house to get her cellphone.  Just go, leave the cellphone behind.



My entire childhood was spent leaving the house to play and not returning until dark, until we could no longer see each other while playing kickball.  I think as a kid I would have been annoyed if my mum gave me a cellphone and told me to stay in touch.  And really, I would have lost it.  I would have dropped it in the ditch or the creek or the many places I played at that involved water.



How did we, who grew up with our parents never knowing where we were, become so nervous and so needing to be connected all the times?  I was in the free-to-be-you-and-me generation, not the free-to-be-tied-digitally-to-you-and-me world, which is where I feel as if I am now.



Hmmm... I'm not sure what I've confessed there except maybe when thinking about the old days I know there's no turning back...



Amen.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Grammar Posters by Edward Howell Designs...

Happened upon this blog with Grammar Posters by Edward Howell.  These are things that put English majors in their happy place...Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com