Brett Cottrell's Blog, page 6

"The Valley of Fire had me rolling on the floor laughing!"

Oh, man! This car doesn't even have a steering wheel.
Great interview on the 19th with GodDiscussion.com on Blog Talk Radio about my "fantasy/new weird" novel The Valley of Fire (available on Create Space , Amazon or through your local bookstore).

"One of the funniest books I've ever  read...it is scream!" GodDiscussion.com

Click here for the interview . My segment begins at 17:05 and ends at 54:00. This is half as long as I'd like to speak and twice as long as anyone should let me. I managed to prove myself a blasphemer, heretic and Mormon apostate in one brief discussion. Not a bad trifecta!

"This is a great book, I guarantee you're going to love it." GodDiscussion.com

If you're a free thinker, I highly recommend the God Discussion show and website . If you're not a free thinker or just don't like the God Discussion people, then I hope you spend the rest of your life eating nothing but the leather soles of dusty shoes.  No gravy.

The Bible: Intelligent Design or Shoddy Workmanship?

Mmm! Fish truth is tasty meat.
The Flood. The design went so awry that God had to wash it away in a genocidal rampage. Think of it as God’s Etch A Sketch moment.
Original Sin. An apple, admittedly a saucy fruit, upset an all-powerful God’s plan?  Since you can’t surprise an all-knowing being, God knew he’d send Jesus down to fix this. Kind of seems like the Father sent his Son to earth to atone for the Father’s lax oversight with the apple. (Some may say that Eve took the apple of her own free will and Jesus is atoning for humanity’s error. But, this ignores that God created her knowing what she’d choose.)
Foreskin. God designed this spongy skin just so we could hack it off to prove our devotion. (Lev. 12:2 demands that we make up for God’s mistake by circumcising all male children.)
The Jews. God’s chosen always get hosed. And if God treats his chosen that way, what hope is there for the res of us?  There isn’t.
According to the Book of Revelations, we’re all pretty much screwed and there’s nothing we can do about it. Of the billions of people God created, only 144,000 are worth saving. That’s not intelligent, it’s not even efficient.


"The Valley of Fire had me rolling on the floor laughing!"  When a rogue angel starts a polygamist cult in Utah, all Hell breaks loose!  Get Brett Cottrell's new novel today!
Click to buy it on Amazon or pick it up at your local bookstore.

 

Pat Buchanan is an Idiot, but I repeat myself.

Pat Buchanan's FollowersIn a recent editorial about Trayvon Martin’s murder, Pat Buchanan chastised President Obama’s response for its racially charged, “incendiary language” that “is stirring up racial rage and inflaming the nation.”
This is a strange comment from Buchanan, who recently ignited a beacon for the “Pro White Movement.”  His most recent book was a flamethrower in which he practically called for a race war and resegregation – and included chapters titled “The End of White America” and “The White Party.”
Pat Buchanan is a walking racial conflagration, a contemptible combustible; a loud-mouthed dean of the racist school of hypocrisy.  Setting aside the fact of whether he’s right about incendiary language, why should he be the only one to use it?  Apparently, what’s good for the white goose isn’t what’s good for the black gander. 
Besides all this, he’s an idiot if he’s honestly surprised that some people who heard his call for a race war actually listened!  Blood may not be on Pat Buchanan’s hands, but it’s certainly on his lips.

Before the books, before the law, there was the band.

And cheap bear.  Lots and lots of cheap beer.

All or Nothing Danelle had mad sign language skills.

DUT Darrin's Ugly TattooI AmPermier Signia maple, Zildjian cymbals, Alesis DM5 drum triggering.  I miss that set.
Let it Bleed Damn, I'm macho!

Nice pants!

Phyllis Schlafly: Violence Against Women Act over-criminalizes "minor partner discord."

Photo by Jiri HodanPhyllis Schlafly isn’t a complete idiot – not for lack of trying, mind you – and occasionally she gets it right, even when she gets it wrong. 
Schlafly said the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) promotes divorce.  Even allowing this dubious assumption, what’s wrong with making it easier for spouses to get out of violent, abusive marriages? 
Schlafly also claims that VAWA promotes hatred of men.  It’s pretty farfetched to think that penalizing abusive men somehow promotes hatred of all men – unless you think all men are abusers. 
What VAWA might do, however, is promote understanding and sympathy with victims’ hatred of their violent tormentors.  Only a callous and heartless person would attempt to assuage a victim’s bruises by saying they’re merely the result of “minor partner discord.”
If VAWA promotes divorce and hatred toward abusive spouses, then it's a good start.

The Most Interesting Fan in the World: Sombrero Man

I don’t always tailgate, but when I do, I tailgate with Sombrero Man. 
He led the league in touchdowns, without stepping on the field.  He returns his own punts.  He blocked his own field goal, just because.  The Patriots have a home game dedicated to him. 
During the Immaculate Reception, the referees asked his opinion.  Ray Lewis paid him $10,000 to serenade his mother.   If you test his blood, you’ll find Steel City Beer in the syringe.  He was Terrell Suggs's favorite professor at Ball So Hard University.  When he goes to church, people worship him.   
He led a humanitarian mission to Cincinnati to teach them how to spell Lombardi Trophy.  He has a winter cabin in Brett Keisel’s beard.  At his presence, Ravens fans cower, Bengals fans piss themselves, and Browns fans – who am I kidding, there aren’t any Browns fans.
Mike Tomlin goes to his house on draft day.  He is, the Most Interesting Fan in the World.
By Tico the Steelers Dog

Tico the Steeler Dog’s Offseason Power Rankings

Tico the Steeler Dog.  Please send liver, it's good for me. 1 Steelers Steelers need to sign Mike Wallace. He's the only player fast enough to escape the gravitational pull of Casey Hampton’s belly.  It’s like a small moon.
2 Baltimore Cravens Stupid birds never learn.  I laughed for a week.  Did T-Sizzle attend “Choke so Hard University?”
3 Green Bay Packers How do you spell “Defense?”  I don’t know, and neither do the Packers. 
4 Houston Texans Texas is stupid and has big hair, but they do have Arian Foster.
5 New York Giants First three quarters I want Peyton, fourth quarter I want Eli.  I like watching him crush “Brady and The Cheat’s” dreams.  It’s called Karma, Bill, and yours doesn’t taste so good.
6 New Orleans Saints I’d rather take ten baths every day for the rest of my life than spend one day as a Saint’s fan during a road playoff game.
7 Detroit Lions Cats make me mad.  Donkey Kong Suh plays mad.  I like that.
8 New England Patriots Things people drop: the hammer, the beat, rhymes, hot potatoes.  Things New England Patriots drop: Super Bowl passes.
9 Arizona Cardinals You can knock Wisenhunt down, but he won’t stay down.  They won 8 games with a thing called John Skelton at QB.  Plus, Darnell Docket is an honorary Rottweiler.   
10 San Francisco Rice-A-Roni Welcome to a first place schedule, and welcome to second place in the NFC West.  Gore is a good football name.  When in doubt, add more Gore.
11 Cincinnati Bengals I can’t even count, but I know that if you take the total number of Super Bowls won by teams named after cats and multiply it by 10,000, you’d still have zero.  Good luck with that.
12 Atlanta Falcons Birds have feathery meat.  Feathery meat tastes good, better than the mediocrity sandwich this team keeps putting out.
13 Dallas Cowboys We’ve got to do something about Jerry Jones.  We should give Texas back to Mexico so he would be somebody else’s problem.
14 San Diego Chargers The Chargers suck and Norv Turner’s their coach.  But I repeat myself.
15 New York Jets I think Rex Ryan ate Casey Hampton.  Steelers should sign Rex as a backup NT if we lose the Big Snack.
If your team didn’t make the list, it’s because they stink and you’re also probably a loser.  You should do something about that, maybe go to counseling or try sniffing some different butts.