Bathroom Readers' Institute's Blog, page 132

The Seattle Mariners Win the (Promotional Night) Game

Technically the team that plays closest to the BRI headquarters is the Seattle Mariners. We’re happy to report that the giveaways and promotional nights of our “home team” are probably the zaniest in the major leagues.

Macklemore Bobblehead Night

The first 30,000 fans at a June game were given a free bobblehead doll of Macklemore. He’s not a player, of course, he’s the rapper whose song “Thrift Shop” hit #1 and helped win him a Grammy for Best New Artist. And he’s a Seattle native.

Kitchen Caddy Night

The first 8,000 fans at a June game received a free kitchen caddy—that’s a bucket with a lid used to store compostable food scraps. (It’s got the Mariners logo on it, too.)

Beard Hat Night

Last April, 20,000 Seattle Mariners fans got a free beard hat. What’s a beard hat? It’s a knit stocking cap that comes with a face mask attached. It makes whoever’s wearing it look like they’ve got a full, fake beard. In this case, a full, fake, bright yellow beard.

Stitch ‘n Pitch Night

For a night game in July, Mariners fans were encouraged to bring their knitting needles and work on their winter sweaters while they watched the game.

Train Car Night

Since 2000, the Mariners have given away annually an old-fashioned metal toy train car at one game each year for hobbyist train enthusiasts. Each car honors a different player, and the 2014 car recognized star pitcher Felix Hernandez with the “Felix Hernandez King’s Court Train Car.”

Girls Night Out

This May event aimed to get more women out to the ballpark. The offer: one free alcoholic drink…and a free feather boa for all women in attendance.

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The World’s Biggest Mall is Almost Completely Empty

In terms of leasable space, the New South China Mall is the biggest retail complex on the planet and it’s been nicknamed “The Great Mall of China.” There’s just one problem: it’s almost completely free of stores, and very few shoppers are willing to go there to buy things at what stores do persist.

The New South China Mall is a ghost town—an indoor, incredibly modern ghost town. It opened in 2005, but 99 percent of its 2,350-plus storefronts remain unoccupied. The place looks like one of those abandoned shopping malls that urban explorers keep posting photos of online.

Nevertheless, it’s one of the most elaborate shopping complexes ever built and it has more in common with Las Vegas casinos that it does with malls. It contains seven areas each modeled on international cities and destinations. There’s a zone with an Amsterdam theme and another based on the Caribbean. The Parisian wing features an 82-foot-tall replica of the Arc de Triomphe. Much like the Venetian Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, the mall has a manmade canal with gondolas. There’s even a roller coaster that goes  outside and back in again like the one at Vegas’s New York-New York casino.

At one point, Newsweek proclaimed it “one of the New Seven Wonders of the World.” The mall’s mastermind, Alex Hu (a tycoon who made his fortune off instant noodles) anticipated that over 100,000 shoppers would flock through the mall’s doors every day. So where is everybody? Hu failed to take various economic factors into consideration before his construction crews broke ground. The mall is inconveniently located since there aren’t any highways nearby, and it takes a long time to get there via public transit. Even if the locals make the journey, the poverty that most of Dongguan’s residents live in would prevent them from buying much.

The New South China Mall is almost empty, though, but not completely. Like any good mall, it’s got a food court loaded with American fast food outlets. And one of its many underused parking structures has been converted into a go-kart track.

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Viva Lost Vegas: 4 Odd Casinos That Were Never Built

For every casino like Caesar’s Palace or The Bellagio that becomes world famous, there are plenty more that never make it past the blueprint stage. Here are a few of the most intriguing ones.

The Titanic Resort

Inspired by one of the most successful films of all time, a group of investors attempted to build a $1.2 billion casino based on the cruise liner in 1999. It would have been one of the most elaborate Vegas resorts ever constructed—conceptual drawings featured a 400-foot long hotel shaped like the Titanic with 1,200 rooms. The investors were ready to break ground on a lot across the Vegas Strip from the Sahara but their plans were as doomed as the ship itself.  Las Vegas’ city council was horrified by the idea of building a resort based on one of the most tragic events in American history and rejected it

Harley-Davidson Hotel and Casino

The motorcycle company almost but didn’t quite inspire a Vegas casino. Nevertheless, the blueprints were pretty crazy. The resort would have featured hotel towers shaped like colossal exhaust pipes. However, the company is due to open a gigantic dealership on the Vegas Strip this autumn. The 50,000 square foot space will include a dealership, motorcycle rentals and a gift shop…but no motorcycle-themed luxury suites.

The World Trade Center Casino

Leonard Shoen, the co-founder of the U-Haul truck rental company, once attempted to convert the Chaparral Hotel and Casino into a resort based on one of New York City’s grandest architectural achievements, the Twin Towers. (This was back in the mid-’90s, long before 9/11, so, at the time, it wasn’t an appallingly bad idea.) Shoen and his partners applied for a gaming license and even had cards and chips made. Their plans fell apart when authorities discovered that two of them were convicted felons. The old casino was later demolished and now serves as a parking lot for the Las Vegas Convention Center.

The Playboy Hotel and Casino

Hugh Hefner’s Playboy empire once stretched into a chain of popular nightclubs, and it was a logical move to inspire a full-fledged casino in a place like Las Vegas in the 2000s.

Unfortunately for fans of scantily-clad women dressed as rabbits, those plans had to be scaled back. The whole thing eventually morphed into the compromised Playboy Club, a glitzy nightspot located on the 52nd floor of the Fantasy Tower at the Palms Casino Resort. It opened in 2006 but closed in the summer of 2012. Visitors of Las Vegas must now look elsewhere for alcohol and scantily-clad women.

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Fake-or-Fact Friday: You’ve Been Stonestreeted

Here are three news items involving Emmy-winning comic actor Eric Stonestreet. Two of them really happened…and one of them only happened in our minds. Can you guess which one is a fabrication? Answer at the end of the post.

A.

Eric Stonestreet plays Cameron Tucker on ABC’s Modern Family. His character is married to Mitchell Pritchett (Jessie Tyler Ferfuson), and the portrayal has been credited with easing attitudes toward same-sex relationships and marriages in the United States. Pennsylvania senator and two-time presidential candidate Rick Santorum has been an outspoken advocate against same-sex marriage on a number of occasions, but at Washington event at which both Stonestreet and Santorum were present, Santorum asked if Stonestreet would take a picture with him because he’s a big Modern Family fan. Because of Santorum’s past statements, Stonestreet refused the picture.

B.

Stonestreet has won the Emmy for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy twice, in 2010 and 2012. In 2014, however, two of his costars were nominated, but he wasn’t. What did he do? He may or may not be behind an ugly campaign to discredit one of the actors who was nominated. He’s reportedly responsible for a large billboard in downtown Los Angeles that pictures Tony Hale of Veep with the caption, “Modern Failure.”

C.

A woman was on a flight to Los Angeles recently, seated near Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley of the rock band KISS. When she tried to ask for an autograph, Stanley refused, called her “Aunt Bee,” and Simmons tried to steal her seat, which he thought was better than his. What does this have to do with Eric Stonestreet? The woman was Stonestreet’s mother, Jamey Stonestreet, and Eric spread the exchange and trashed the members of KISS on Instagram and Twitter. (Simmons and Stanley denied everything.)

Want more fake facts? Then check out Uncle John’s Fake Facts. (Really!)

 

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The Fart Machine That Farted on France

Invasions. Plagues. Jerry Lewis. The fart gun. Poor France.

Over the weekend of July 27, 2014, the latest in a long string of calamities struck France. An eccentric British inventor named Colin Furze traveled to the White Cliffs of Dover, and got his latest gadget all set up. And then he unleashed it across the Strait of Dover, aiming it at the coast of France, a mere 21 miles away. His weapon: a gigantic fart gun.

Furze’s bizarre invention, “The World’s Biggest Fart Machine” is 16 feet tall and actually, and completely on purpose, resembles a giant pair of buttocks. It utilizes a pulse-style valveless engine based on the technology that once powered German rockets. When Furze fires up the machine, it spits out “flaming farts” that are also ear-splittingly loud.

Before he set off to attack France from the Cliffs of Dover, Furze told members of the international press that his invention was so loud that lots of French people would hear its explosive flatulence. He was inspired by a line from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in which a group of British knights get into an argument with an ornery French guy who yells, “I fart in your general direction!” at them.

But did anybody in France actually hear the machine? While a crowd of cheering British people watched Furze fire the gun, a colleague of his was waiting on the other side of the strait. According to him, it definitely worked. He could hear what he later described as “muffled mumbling” from across the water.

This isn’t the first time Furze has built a crazy contraption. While he works as a plumber by day, Furze has built drivable toilets and we’ve written about his exploits before: Earlier this year, he created a pair of retractable claws just like the ones used by Wolverine from the X-Men.

Love weird inventions? Check out Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions.

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We Are (Also) the World

It was about 30 years ago that “We Are the World” took the country by storm to raise awareness of—and funds to help combat—African famine. It was among many all-star charity singles at the time. Here are a couple others that time forgot.

USA for Africa was the name of the “band” that recorded “We Are the World,” a one-time-only collection of ‘80s music superstars including Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie, Huey Lewis, and Cyndi Lauper.

While the single sold millions, a full album was also released. It was filled out with donated songs from USA for Africa participants including the Pointer Sisters, Tina Turner, Kenny Rogers, as well as Prince, who didn’t participate in “We Are the World.” The album also included “Tears Are Not Enough” by Northern Lights. Who are Northern Lights? “Canadians for Africa.” The song was written by Canadian pop star Bryan Adams, his Canadian cowriter Jim Vallance, and super-producer David Foster (who is also Canadian). As “We Are the World” dominated American music for a while, “Tears Are Not Enough” dominated Canadian music. It hit #1 in April 1985 and was the bestselling song in Canada for that year. It ultimately raised $3.2 million for famine relief, and another $300,000 for Canadian food banks. Among the Canadian superstars that sang on “Tears”: Neil Young, Anne Murray, Gordon Lightfoot, Corey Hart, Mike Reno of Loverboy, and Geddy Lee of Rush. (Bonus: USA for Africa almost inexplicably included comedian Dan Aykroyd. Representing comedy in Northern Lights: John Candy.)

Hear ‘n Aid had a self-deprecating name, but a noble pursuit: raise money for famine relief…but also show that heavy metal acts weren’t evil. Scary heavy metal and hard rocks of the ‘80s—largely shut out of “We Are the World”—convened in 1985 to record “Stars.” Vocals were handled by Ronnie James Dio of Dio, Don Dokken of Dokken, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, and Kevin DuBrow of Quiet Riot. And because it’s metal, even a metal song with a message, guitar solos were included too, from Buck Dharma of Blue Oyster Cult, Eddie Ojeda of Twister Sister, and speed-metal master Yngwie Malmsteen.

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The World’s Weirdest Candles

Because why would you want your house to smell like lilacs or fresh basked cookies? Here are a few weird candles.

Man Cave Candles produces “candles for men,” packaging them not in glass jars with labels written in cursive, but in metal cans with big block letters. Among their bestsellers are 21 Gun Salute (gunpowder), Fill ’er Up! (gasoline), Home Cookin’ (roast beef and caramelized onions), and New Wheels (new car smell).

The smells on Flick Candles aren’t necessarily weird, but the names are certainly evocative (if not a little depressing). The one that smells like vanilla cake: “Freshman 15 Poundcake.” The Christmas tree candle? That’s “Grandma’s Last Christmas.” Baby powder is “Surprise Baby Powder.” Other names include “Smells Like a College Rejection Letter,” “Restraining Order Ocean Breeze,” and “Freshly Signed Divorce Papers.”

Candle maker Hotwicks has a unique signature product: The Urinal Cake Candle. Okay, it doesn’t smell like pee, nor does it smell like any old urinal cake (not that we’ve ever gotten our noses close enough to sniff). The company founder claims he once smelled a urinal cake he really liked, and wanted to preserve the scent forever in candle form.

Yankee Candle is the most recognized name in scented candles, but even they’ve gotten in on the weird candle game. They now produce interesting scents such as “2×4” (wood shavings), “First Down” (cut grass), “Movie Night” (popcorn)…and “Schnitzel With Noodles.” Fortunately, “Whiskers on Kittens” is primarily sandlewood and vanilla musk; it’s not made with, or supposed to smell like, real kittens.

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The World’s 3 Newest and Weirdest Amusement Parks

We’re going to Diggerland! Here are three of the newest and most unusual amusement parks in the world.

Diggerland USA

Location: West Berlin, New Jersey

Details: When Ilya Girlya visited Diggerland in the United Kingdom he figured that a similar park could become incredibly popular in the United States. “Who doesn’t want to tinker with construction equipment?” he later told the press. “It’s like playing with big Tonka toys.” Fortunately, he and his family own a huge construction company so he had the resources to build his own version in New Jersey. Diggerland USA opened in June and offers visitors 23 attractions…all built out of modified construction machines like diggers, tractors and backhoes. There’s even a carousel ride for little kids called the Dig-A-Round.

Cinecittà World

Location: Rome, Italy

Details: This theme park isn’t the first one in the world to be based on a still-functioning movie studio. Alas, Cinecittà Studios has fallen on hard times in recent years and it’s pretty far removed from its heyday when American filmmakers used it to make classic movies like Ben-Hur and Cleopatra. The $338 million park, Cinecittà World, (which is actually located on the former grounds of an entirely different movie studio about 16 miles away) hopes to restore some of its lost luster with attractions based on classic Italian films. Some of them are pretty weird. Visitors enter the park through the “nightmarish jaws” of the Temple of Moloch from Cabiria, a 1914 silent movie. According to the park’s website there’s also a “family friendly” roller coaster based on Dante’s Inferno.

Sochi-Park

Location: Sochi, Russia

Details: The 2014 Winter Olympics cost Russia billions and left the country with a costly real estate development in Sochi that was only used for a few weeks. Instead of allowing the city’s new hotels to sit empty, officials came up with another idea to attract future visitors to the area: a theme park. They had hoped that Sochi-Park would be up and running in time for the Olympics but its grand opening was delayed until June. Nicknamed “Russian Disneyland, it’s the largest theme park in the country. In addition to boasting the biggest hotel complex in Europe, Sochi-Park contains several amusement park rides and roller coasters. There’s also, for some reason, “folk craft centers” where visitors can learn blacksmithing, soapmaking, and puppetry.

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Fact-or-Fake Friday: Cell Phone Struggles

Here are three weird news items involving lost or misplaced cell phones. Well, kind of—two of them are honest-to-goodness true, and the third one we made up. Can you guess which one is the impostor? (The answer is at the end of the post.)

A.

One day in October 2013, a farmer was going about his daily business in Chickasha, Oklahoma. While he was standing over a grain elevator full of 280,000 pounds of sorghum…he dropped his cell phone in. It sunk so far down he couldn’t reach it. The grain was then shipped to a grain processing plant in another Oklahoma town, and from there it was sent via barge down the Mississippi River to Louisiana, where it set off for its final destination: Japan. In July 2014—nine months later—the farmer received a call (at home). A worker at a mill in Japan found the phone mixed in with two million bushels of sorghum. The battery was dead, but it was still in perfect working order. It was shipped back to Oklahoma, with hundreds of family photos still on the device.

B.

A woman checked in to a Tampa, Florida, emergency room with complaints of severe stomach pain. The pain was so bad that she collapsed on the sidewalk outside the hospital, having walked two miles to the facility. When asked why she hadn’t called an ambulance, the woman said that she would’ve, but couldn’t find her phone. The patient was admitted with suspected appendicitis until an X-ray revealed the source of her stomach pain: she’d swallowed her smartphone. How did she do it? She claims to “have no idea” but is glad that her expensive iPhone was retrieved and that it still worked.

C.

A man and his friend went to an amusement park in Pachuca, Mexico and visited the big cats enclosure. While observing a sleeping lion named Zeus, he dropped his phone right into the lion’s lair. The man wasn’t sure what to do, until his friend bet him that he couldn’t jump into the enclosure and retrieve the phone without being detected by the lion or park staff. He took the bet, and he would’ve won…until the phone began to ring, which startled the lion, who mauled the man.

Want more fake facts? Then check out Uncle John’s Fake Facts. (Really!)

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Fart Your Way to a Healthier You

The next time someone near you cuts the cheese, remember: They might be doing you a favor.

Certain types of cell damage lead to countless afflictions that are irritating and even potentially deadly. According to a study by researchers at the University of Exeter, published in Medicinal Chemistry Communications, hydrogen sulfide (one of the things that make farts so stinky) can help cells stay in good shape. The compound helps protect the cells by improving their mitochondria, the little subunits within them that help create their energy. The cells often make their own hydrogen sulfide when they run into trouble, but it’s often not enough to prevent them from breaking down.

Hydrogen sulfide can be found in rotting eggs…and human flatulence. And it might aid in the fights against arthritis, strokes, and aging.

The researchers have come up with an artificial compound they call AP39 that can provide cells with plenty of smelly, but apparently very healthy, hydrogen sulfide. “Our results indicate that if stressed cells are treated with AP39, mitochondria are protected and cells stay alive,” Matt Whiteman, a professor who worked on the study, told the media. That’s right: scientists have created artificial farts.

Whiteman and his colleagues are still experimenting in their lab. So far, they’ve only used AP39 on cell samples. Nevertheless, they hope to test the compound on human candidates sometime soon. Any volunteers?

However, before you run around farting on your loved ones, keep in mind that inhaling your “natural gas” may not do them much good—evidently the compound has to be applied directly to damaged cells via treatments like AP39.

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