Richard McGowan's Blog: Smashed-Rat-On-Press - Posts Tagged "locker"
Things That Make One Look Like an Amateur
Being an amateur writer is all right. I'm an amateur, sure. I'm the first to admit it. (I'm never even really sure I want people to read my stuff; I go back and forth.) Certainly, I wouldn't really want to be a novelist for a living in any society as screwed up and insane about the cultural role of artists as ours is, but that's a digression.
Sometimes I see writers out there, especially on GR and Amazon, particularly new and/or young writers—obviously proud of their work—doing stuff that makes them look mind-bogglingly amateur, even if their actual writing is good once you crack open one of their books to look. And some amateur moves might contribute to lots of people scooting on by the train wreck while averting their eyes and moseying along toward some other writer's book.
You may have your own big pet peeves and "how-not-to" lists... I'd love to hear about them. For now, I'll share my unvarnished thoughts. (And since I'm an unrepentant deleter, I may even delete this blog post at some point, so don't get too attached to it. All things must pass.)
0. Obvious typos and grammatical infelicities on your cover and/or in your book blurb. Oh, golly, failure to proofread your first-impression introductory material—that's really the grand-mère of all turn-offs for many readers. (Yes, I've even done it myself, sad to say. Oops.)
1. Horrific covers. I won't belabor this one. There's a whole blog of sub-optimal book covers if you want to peruse it sometime... If, as an author, you really can't beg, borrow, or buy any decent cover art from anywhere, go with minimalist: black text on a white ground; title and author only. At least it's readable and can't be criticized much for being in poor taste or poorly executed. (I won't even defend all of my own covers very much here, by the way. I'm sure many of them can be faulted in various ways and nearly everything is a matter of taste.)
2. Having a "series" consisting of one element. Of course when you begin your journey as a writer obviously you have one book, at least for a while. You may have a bunch of ideas and already have drafts for sixteen hefty novels about your Mary Sue. But having a stable with one book in it while blasting aloud that it's Book One of the XYZ Series! is a completely amateur move. Wait until you have two, three, or more books; then go back and put new covers on them all and re-issue them as a series. That's cool. Even more hip is when only the insiders know the stuff is a series, or what number each book is within the series, so they can snoot about it with other hip cats. For the record, Elizabeth Peters mastered this art.
3. Rating and reviewing your own books. Wow. I don't care if you can't get anyone on Earth to read it, not even your cat. Don't ever rate your own book(s). (Not even if it's a big anthology to which you contributed a little poem. Not even.) And if you've already done that, my advice is to go out and kill those reviews immediately, with prejudice. Save your sparkly-warkly self-praising text in a shrine at home if you need to but delete the reviews and ratings; then fervently hope nobody saw them. It may hurt for a while, but you'll get over it. I shouldn't really have to say why it's bad practice, but just in case it's not clear: rating and reviewing your own books practically screams, "I am clueless and deluded". My apologies to anyone who might feel I'm picking on them personally. I can say I've bought nice books written by authors who have rated one or more of their own books.
Number three is my favorite. If you must rate your own book, go make up a sock puppet to take the rap for you. Really.
I know, now it sounds like I'm an awful curmudgeon. But sometimes some things need to be said... Lest you think I'm an old grump, I assure you I'm chortling away as I write this. LOL.
Sometimes I see writers out there, especially on GR and Amazon, particularly new and/or young writers—obviously proud of their work—doing stuff that makes them look mind-bogglingly amateur, even if their actual writing is good once you crack open one of their books to look. And some amateur moves might contribute to lots of people scooting on by the train wreck while averting their eyes and moseying along toward some other writer's book.
You may have your own big pet peeves and "how-not-to" lists... I'd love to hear about them. For now, I'll share my unvarnished thoughts. (And since I'm an unrepentant deleter, I may even delete this blog post at some point, so don't get too attached to it. All things must pass.)
0. Obvious typos and grammatical infelicities on your cover and/or in your book blurb. Oh, golly, failure to proofread your first-impression introductory material—that's really the grand-mère of all turn-offs for many readers. (Yes, I've even done it myself, sad to say. Oops.)
1. Horrific covers. I won't belabor this one. There's a whole blog of sub-optimal book covers if you want to peruse it sometime... If, as an author, you really can't beg, borrow, or buy any decent cover art from anywhere, go with minimalist: black text on a white ground; title and author only. At least it's readable and can't be criticized much for being in poor taste or poorly executed. (I won't even defend all of my own covers very much here, by the way. I'm sure many of them can be faulted in various ways and nearly everything is a matter of taste.)
2. Having a "series" consisting of one element. Of course when you begin your journey as a writer obviously you have one book, at least for a while. You may have a bunch of ideas and already have drafts for sixteen hefty novels about your Mary Sue. But having a stable with one book in it while blasting aloud that it's Book One of the XYZ Series! is a completely amateur move. Wait until you have two, three, or more books; then go back and put new covers on them all and re-issue them as a series. That's cool. Even more hip is when only the insiders know the stuff is a series, or what number each book is within the series, so they can snoot about it with other hip cats. For the record, Elizabeth Peters mastered this art.
3. Rating and reviewing your own books. Wow. I don't care if you can't get anyone on Earth to read it, not even your cat. Don't ever rate your own book(s). (Not even if it's a big anthology to which you contributed a little poem. Not even.) And if you've already done that, my advice is to go out and kill those reviews immediately, with prejudice. Save your sparkly-warkly self-praising text in a shrine at home if you need to but delete the reviews and ratings; then fervently hope nobody saw them. It may hurt for a while, but you'll get over it. I shouldn't really have to say why it's bad practice, but just in case it's not clear: rating and reviewing your own books practically screams, "I am clueless and deluded". My apologies to anyone who might feel I'm picking on them personally. I can say I've bought nice books written by authors who have rated one or more of their own books.
Number three is my favorite. If you must rate your own book, go make up a sock puppet to take the rap for you. Really.
I know, now it sounds like I'm an awful curmudgeon. But sometimes some things need to be said... Lest you think I'm an old grump, I assure you I'm chortling away as I write this. LOL.
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