Ray Daley's Blog, page 51
June 8, 2014
The Watterson Test, free flash fiction
The Watterson Test
8/6/14
By Ray Daley
He’d been in the room a little over eleven minutes before I decided to check my theory.
The hair had been standing up on the back of my neck and arms from the moment he’d walked in and sat down.
“So, these gun emplacements. Where are we going to put them?” he asked me.
“Never mind that for now, Major. Look at this for me please?” I tossed him the piece of paper, which he snatched out of the air deftly.
“What’s this then? New orders?” he asked.
“Just read it.” I said.
I could hear him reading the lines out to himself, someone else had mentioned that to me a few days ago. “He talks when he reads, you know?” she’d said. Apparently, I didn’t. Know, that is.
He finished and looked up at me. “So what is this then? Some kind of test?”
“Did you think it was funny?” I asked.
“Funny?” he raised his eyebrows. “The kid thinks the stuffed tiger is real, in his mind, I assume? How does it attack him though? Is he beating up himself? Because that’s just weird, not funny. What was it?”
I looked him right in the eye. The dividing shield was already raised, the panel behind him slid open, revealing the blaster. “That’s Calvin and Hobbes. And it’s fucking hilarious. But being an alien, you wouldn’t know that, would you?”
He looked down at the table for a second then tried to launch himself out of the chair at me. The phased bolt vaporised him before he even touched the shield.
I punched up the data-log. “Log entry fourteen. Major Huarez terminated. As suspected, he was an alien infiltrator. Another one weeded out by the Watterson Test.”
THE END.
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Authors Notes:-
Inspired by an article on IO9 posted by Charlie Jane Anders (that’ll be the 2nd story you’ve inspired me to write!) about the Bechdel Test. No, I didn’t read it.
It was merely the name of the test that set something off and made me write this.
That and reading Bill Watterson had been making new comic strips.
Bill, if you read this? I love your work. I’m a MASSIVE Calvin and Hobbes fan.
It’s the only comic strip that can make me laugh, cry and think.
You make me a better person Bill. Thankyou sir.
June 5, 2014
Unexpected ideas & story!
Had a couple of ideas that I noted down frameworks for today.
Then about 2 hours ago while trawling through stories on 365 Tomorrows I saw something that gave me an idea I just had to write there and then.
About 2 or so hours ago.
I want to thank Anthony R. Elmore, the writer of Insist to Exist which gave me the two words which were the title of and idea behind the entire story. 2135 words, not including the authors notes.
It wasn’t a great ending but I can probably work on it later.
And I still have at least 2 other ideas from today and 1 from yesterday to work on.
June 4, 2014
Ray Bradbury Challenge, Week 23.
This weeks story just finished.
2156 words, I was up early waiting for the guy to deliver our new washing machine so I figured I’d use the time constructively and get this weeks Bradbury Challenge story finished and out of the way.
It’s hardly a new idea, I came up with it at around 10pm yesterday and typed the framework down.
I used that as the basis for the story, it wrote out pretty easily.
Didn’t take more than a little over 2 hours.
June 2, 2014
Submission sent!
Just submitted “Tomorrow, There Will Be A Bear” to Fireside Fiction.
It’s a paying market so that’d be good to get a result out of.
Fingers are crossed, I will keep you updated on any progress.
More new writing, excellent!
From an odd question during Sunday Lunch (Why did gravy need a boat?), to an odd tweet:-
Why does gravy need a boat?
What part of gravy needs to stay afloat?
Why does gravy need a Navy, or a gravy boat?
Gravy also has a train!
Which devolved into a story I wrote last night whilst in bed.
935 words, which I just typed up now with some minor improvements along the way.
Sometimes the weirdest things create a story idea.
May 31, 2014
Yay! New story finished!
1959 words from part of a line I didn’t hear Matt Smith say the end of.
Whatever he said, it almost certainly was not “Tomorrow, There Will Be A Bear”.
Because that’s the title. 1959 words, a decent ending, 2 Shakespeare quotes.
It’s absolutely KILLER. I love it.
Considering all I had were the words “Tomorrow there will be…”, I’m majorly impressed that I created that out of it.
Really like it, really proud.
That one will stand the test of time.
I don’t even know which episode of Doctor Who that was.
It was a Clara one, they came out of the TARDIS, it was on the Thames Embankment.
Clara was collecting money in the fez and the Doctor said “Tomorrow there will be…”
If anyone knows the name of the episode and what else he said, can they let me know?
(A quick Google says it was “The Bells of Saint John”. All I need to know now is what he actually said?)
EDIT:-
Having found the episode, The Doctor says Doctor said “Tomorrow, an camel“.
So I totally misheard the line.
It made for an excellent story source though.
May 30, 2014
One story, as promised!
The Next Best Thing
27/5/14
By Ray Daley
The ship bristled with weapons covering almost every inch of the exterior. When it entered our atmosphere they certainly weren’t coming to have a picnic.
We watched them, patiently waiting to see what they wanted.
Then came the message. “Send us Duran Duran.” Just that. Nothing else.
Apparently they were 80′s New Wave music fans.
So we got in touch with the members of Duran Duran.
The call went out to Simon Le Bon, Nick Rhodes, Roger Taylor, John Taylor and Andy Taylor. Did the aliens want them all, or just one, or just a few?
We sent a message back to the aliens. “We’re trying to find Duran Duran now. How did you learn of them?”
They had picked up our television transmissions. It turned out they didn’t actually want the group at all. They’d seen and misheard the movie Barbarella and assumed that Duran Duran lived on Earth.
As our greatest scientist he was the best person for them to kidnap. We wondered if we could give them one of Duran Duran and perhaps get away with the deception without having to explain he didn’t really exist and they’d just been watching a movie.
We asked Simon Le Bon to go with them. His answer was “Fuck off”. He seemed like such a nice man too!
Nick Rhodes asked if there was any eye shadow in it. When we said no he told us to get stuffed.
We actually offered them Roger Taylor. He was annoyed because they thought ‘Isn’t he’s in Queen?’
The aliens were aware of the two other band members but not who they were so they didn’t really want them.
So we decided to ask if they wanted to have the next best thing after Duran Duran. We offered them David Sylvian. The aliens were totally overjoyed and took him right away before we changed our minds.
Luckily we didn’t have to go with our back-up plan and offer them Gary Numan.
Which was a shame, he was really looking forward to meeting aliens.
THE END.
May 29, 2014
More writing?
Just finished a short I thought up whilst watching this weeks Dual Survival.
729 words, not a great ending. Not a great story either but it was a decent enough idea executed as well as I could manage.
I wasn’t expecting to be able to write anything today with the men outside repairing our front porch, so banging loudly right by my window. Super distracting.
May 28, 2014
Ray Bradbury Challenge, Week 22.
Just literally finished doing this weeks story after almost 3 hours of writing.
Managed 3660 words, and I was even fairly happy with the ending too!
Not bad considering the idea it came from was only about 7 or 8 lines long.
Quite happy. Now I’ve got the rest of the week to do nothing.
I’m probably going to write up the Duran Duran idea though as it’s garnered a bit of interest on twitter.
I’m having a break for at least 2 hours, then we’ll see about more writing. Or not.
May 27, 2014
This Note (flashfic)
This Note, A Flash Fiction story by Ray Daley.
This note you now read was written by my own hand.
Three days after I cut it off.
By the time you read this I will be dead, by my own hand.
It is in a box.
Do not open the box that comes with this note.
Destroy it now, I beg of you.
Save yourself, save the world. Before it’s too late.
THE END.
