Stephanie Verni's Blog, page 5

The Annual Birthday Post: Sharing Something Different

As I continue to uphold the tradition of writing an annual birthday post—most of them snarky—this one won’t be. I’ve thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to share this personal story, not because I’m afraid or embarrassed to do so, but because it requires a certain amount of vulnerability, something that’s always been a challenge for me. Vulnerability is not my strength. Just ask the people who know me well.

The story I’m about to tell starts with God. And it’s inevitable that it will end there, too.

When I cut back to part-time teaching last year with the intent to semi-retire (though I’ve hardly done that at all), the item that topped my new “THINGS TO DO LIST” was to sign up for Bible study. As an on-again, off-again practicing Catholic, I’d been getting the calling to do it, so I joined a Catholic women’s Bible study group called Walking with Purpose (a lot of Catholic Churches offer this now…I can’t even begin to tell you how worthwhile it is…it’s tremendous), and my faith life has changed. I’ve changed.

Bible study was just what I needed. It was something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. In a comfortable space, surrounded by other women, we read scripture and talk about life: the things we’ve done wrong, the things we do well, the love we have for God, and the struggles we face on a daily basis. What is discussed among those women stays among those women. There is so much trust and love.

At the end of the year, I was asked to give my personal testimony to the morning group of about 90 women (There are more than 150 women in WWP at our church). What I am about to share with you is the word-for-word testimony about my journey back to God. I was incredibly nervous to share my story, but I knew it was what I needed to do. Mind you, all along, I never stopped believing in God or Jesus; it’s just that I really lost my way for a while.

So, this year’s birthday post is something I’m sharing because it’s benefitting me in ways I could never have imagined possible a few years ago, and perhaps it will benefit you, too. As of today, I’m also on DAY 220 of Bible in a Year with Father Mike Schmitz on the Hallow App. I look forward to my mornings reading and learning more about God’s word each and every day.

So, here’s my testimony. I’m baring it all. And yes, it does get a little easier each time.

Personal Testimony for WWP, St. John the Evangelist—Stephanie Verni, May 10, 2023

I’ll begin with a simile: my faith life was like a cracked door, one not fully open. For years, the Holy Spirit was knocking on my door, and I’m embarrassed that I never fully answered. How long was I going to nod along and say, “I need to pay more attention to my faith,” but not dive back in the way I should? When your heart is being called, you should listen, especially when He (point upwards) is knocking.

Sure, I would listen to worship music. I would occasionally look at my Bible, but I didn’t know it well. While I was raised Catholic, I had very little Catholic education. Years of meandering through my faith, I realized that I wasn’t fully present. Looking back on it now, I wonder—How could I have been so tentative? My kids had been in Catholic School. We went to church on Sundays. Yet, somehow, I managed to lose my way. We moved here 10 years ago, the kids left Catholic school, and sadly my husband and I became a bit indifferent about going to church. We went to church on and off, more off than on if I’m being perfectly honest.

This led me to feeling incredibly lost. My MANY sins had piled up over the years, and I hadn’t been to confession since I was a kid, and I really needed to go, but I was scared to enter the confessional, ashamed of myself, the trials and tribulations I’d been through, and I felt broken. For years I walked around saying I needed Jesus in my life. I would actually say it out loud! And while I would pray, it wasn’t the same as jumping in with both feet.

Why did it take me so long to open the door to the Holy Spirit?

Then things began to change, and several things led me to Walking with Purpose. One of those things is the Gospel of John 4:1-42, when John relays the story of Jesus meeting the woman of Samaria by the well. When the apostles go into town for food and Jesus stays behind, John writes that “Jesus, tired out by his journey, was sitting by the well. It was about noon.” The Samaritan woman comes to the well to draw water, also alone, and Jesus asks for a drink. In this exchange, Jesus tells her that he can give her “living water,” stating: “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life.” When the woman says she would like that water, Jesus tells her to go and get her husband and to come back. She replies that she has no husband, to which Jesus responds: “You are right in saying ‘I have no husband”; for you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband.” The woman is shocked to know that Jesus knows this about her and confirms to her that He is the Christ. And then, she goes and tells all she knows that she has met the Messiah and that He has come. It’s powerful and incredibly moving.

We can see ourselves in these biblical stories. I may not be that particular woman at the well—that Samaritan woman—but I can certainly relate. I know what it’s like to feel the way she felt and to be mad at yourself for the stupid decisions and judgments you’ve made in life, or for putting your faith in the wrong things or people.

Contemporary author and researcher, Brene Brown, writes books about shame, empathy, and vulnerability, and in that gospel alone, we have all three. The Samaritan woman is vulnerable about her shame, and Jesus, in only the way He can, lets her know it will all be okay (empathy) if only she believes in Him. He came to Samaria to meet her, knowing her conversion would happen and that she would be one of many who would spread the good news. I’m glad The Holy Spirit never gave up on me, just as Jesus didn’t give up on the Samaritan woman. Having reconnected with my faith over the last year, I can also identify with the Samaritan woman wanting to shout Jesus’s name from the rooftops. My conversion started slowly over many years. I started turning to Christian music on my long commutes. Then I watched movies and shows about Jesus and encouraged my family to do the same. The door started to open. I started picking up my Bible, attending mass, and wanting to know Jesus better.

When I went part-time at my job last May, the first thing on my new “to do” list was to sign up for a Bible Study. I saw Walking With Purpose (WWP) in the bulletin and joined. And because of all of that, I want to shout WWP’s name from the rooftops to women as well. (In fact, I recently told a priest who is a friend of our family in New Jersey that his parish needs WWP!).

Our group, led by Dawn and Tanya, has been a special experience. Putting God first in our lives is a priority for all of us, and our discussions have been deeply fulfilling. Being able to comfortably and confidently share our stories in a safe sharing space while hearing the word of God and leaning into the lessons Jesus teaches us has left me with a calm I’ve never really experienced. I enjoy walking through scripture and hearing the way God’s word touches everyone in our group. Walking with Purpose helped fully bring me back to my Catholic faith. I can proudly say that I’ve been to confession (shaking the first time) and attend adoration. I’m doing Bible in a Year with Father Mike on the Hallow app, and I enjoy starting my mornings with Opening Your Heart.

It’s kind of like in the movie When Harry Met Sally at the very end when Harry goes running to find Sally because he finally woke up and understood his affinity and love for her, and says, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

That’s how I feel about my relationship with God.

Walking with Purpose helped connect me to people who feel the same way and has enhanced my faith life. Remember what 2 Corinthians 5:17 says: “So whoever is in Christ is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold new things have come.”

I’m so happy I began this journey back in October, and I look forward to many more years to come.

Thank you.

Ageism is Real

I’ve learned to embrace my age. I also don’t feel my age at all, and some have told me I don’t look my age. With an assortment of face creams, regular hair appointments, walking and riding a recumbent bike, along with being around younger people as a professor for most of my life, I like to consider myself a young fifty-something.

That was until I went shopping for a dress for my son’s girlfriend’s birthday.

On the hunt for a cute dress for her, I walked into a local shop here in town. I knew what I had in mind. I am also familiar with her size, as she’s petite in stature like me, and I know she loves the color blue. Also, you may not know this about me, but I spent a few years as a fashion consultant, helping women rebuild their wardrobes after babies, career changes, or just for a fresh start and new vibe.

The long and short of it is, I KNOW how to SHOP.

When I walked into the store and was perusing the racks, an employee of the store came up to me.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Not just yet,” I said. “I’m looking for a dress for my son’s girlfriend as a gift.”

“How old is she?” the employee asked.

“Twenty-three turning twenty-four,” I replied.

“Well, we have girls in the store who are that age who can help you find a dress for her; they can tell you what they like.”

“Thank you,” I said with a smile.

Inside, I wanted to puke.

In that instant, I realized what it’s like to be thought “too old” to make a decision about a dress as a gift. The salesperson didn’t think I could pick out something youthful despite not being youthful myself.

Now, I won’t hold her comment against her; she was just trying to be helpful. But it was the first time I’ve been called old without being called old.

As well, my mother was recently hospitalized, and I witnessed her being scolded by a nurse, treated as if she were not a person with a heart and feelings and fears and concerns.

Both incidents made me pause.

In some cultures, people are revered when they age; it is assumed that they come with wisdom to share and lessons to teach. I don’t believe the same is true in our culture. Getting older means you’re just old, your words don’t mean much, and you’re not as valued as you once were. Trust me, I teach for a living, and as I’ve aged, I even see it in the classroom. Whereas I revered and wanted to hear the lessons my teachers shared, I can’t personally say the same is true for me now. Sadly, I think we’ve come to a point where the new generation believes they know better than we do. In some ways, they might. But in life lessons, I think we have one up on them.

For days, I considered whether or not to share this story and my thoughts on it, but I think it’s important.

As people age, they shouldn’t become less important. In fact, their stories could help guide you out of a tough spot or two.

And finally, just for the record, I did pick out a dress for my son’s girlfriend without any help. And she loved it. She tried it on when she got home and Face-Timed me later wearing the dress, thanking me for picking the perfect one for her.

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Stephanie Verni is the author of 8 works of fiction and one academic textbook on event planning. She writes travel articles for Maryland Road Trips. Follow her on Instagram and TikTok at stephanieverniwrites for more about her novels and travels.

Lollygagging

Greetings, friends. It’s been a while.

I’ve been lollygagging as it relates to my blog, that’s for sure.

I’m kind of embarrassed about it, and I’m kind of not.

I’ve needed time to recalibrate. Besides, I just wanted to title a blog post “Lollygagging.” Ever since the film Bull Durham, “lollygag” has been one of my favorite words.

If you don’t know the clip I’m talking about, I’ve got it for you below.

The truth is, I’m balancing a lot of stuff and hardly lollygagging at all. I’ve really become a juggler. When I went part time to teach, I didn’t realize I’d be developing so many courses from scratch, so that’s taking a lot of my time. I’m also scheduled for a few upcoming book talks and have been working with my partner Jim on editing our latest projects. The editing phase is upon me, and while I love it, I can sometimes be…a lollygagger…when it comes to diving into it again. As well, Leeanne, Chip and I are editing our textbook, so as you can see, I’m involved in a lot of projects and some personal ones, too. I’m also writing travel articles. Going to baseball games. Painting. And Bible in a Year. Lots to keep me busy and free from fully becoming a lollygagger.

(On a side note, it irritates me when people say “I didn’t do much today; I just read a book.” Stop putting that down, people! Reading a book is doing something. It’s keeping our mind alert!)

So, speaking of books, I’ll post my upcoming book talks next week. They are coming up on May 17 and May 20.

And in honest, full disclosure, Bull Durham and When Harry Met Sally are the two movies I quote the most. Which films do you quote the most?

Have a great rest of your week, and I promise to return next week with something more interesting to say.

Until then, I’m going to enjoy a few more days pretending to be a lollygagger.

xx,

Stephanie

“What the heck do you do with all your time?”

Last year, I asked two of my friends who do not work this question: “What the heck do you do with all your time?”

One friend said, “Before you know it, it’s 4 o’clock, and it’s time for dinner.”

The other friend said, “I fill my days with all sorts of things. I am never bored.”

At the time, I couldn’t imagine not working full time.

Nevertheless, it didn’t stop me from asking the question as I contemplated taking an early retirement from my full-time teaching job at a university. That early retirement morphed into not fully retiring, but in teaching part-time at the college level. I’m cool with that. I still love it.

As for what I do with the REST of my time, both my friends are right. When 4 o’clock rolls around, I’ve dabbled in a LOT of projects. I am never bored. I write, publish, and market books. I blog. I attend Bible study & am making my way through Bible in a Year. I make social media videos and create posts. I talk on the phone with my friends. I meet people for lunch. I walk and stretch and ride the recumbent bike. I read. I try new recipes. I edit other people’s stories. I’m getting ready to have the house painted and redecorate.

And recently, after being inspired by many, many people on Instagram, I’ve taken up watercolor painting.

That’s right. Watercolor painting.

But you need to know this one thing about me: I can write books and tell stories, but I have absolutely ZERO artistic talent. I don’t know how to draw, paint, or sketch. I’m horrible at it.

That said, I’ve learned by watching others and listening to their tips. I still stink at it, but I’m trying.

And it is relaxing.

Over the last few years, my anxiety level regarding all things related to my back problems has risen. I am anxious about re-pulling my back on a daily basis. Painting has quelled that anxiety a bit.

Right after dinner, I sit at the table for an hour and I paint. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time…and now that I have the time, I’m giving it a whirl.

I figured I’d share what I’ve worked on thus far. Hopefully, with practice, I’ll become a lot better at it. I’m even considering taking a course at the Community College.

It’s really been a saving grace.

Enjoy these paintings from a novice. Let’s see where we end up a year from now.

Do Not Look Where You Fell

Do not look where you fell; but where you slipped.

African Proverb

Today’s card is a good one: a perfect one if you are journaling your life or writing a memoir (or even fiction). I could fill many, many pages in response to this proverb.

But what does it mean?

The proverb means this: It’s stating that you should look at the CAUSE of things that have happened in your life that have gone wrong, rather than the symptoms that caused the fall. Falling is the symptom – why you slipped is the cause.

Think Harry telling Sally about his wife leaving him for Ira in the iconic romantic comedy When Harry Met Sally. Jess tells Harry his wife’s affair is just a symptom that something is very wrong in the marriage.

When we slip, we can go one of two ways. We can catch ourselves and right ourselves or we can fall. Sometimes we fall hard.

As a writer of fiction, my characters are constantly falling. The fall is what brings us to the story and helps keep it going. The same is true in life. We all slip. We all fall. But it’s how we come back from the fall that is important, and that requires us to look at the CAUSE of it. When we do this, we can learn a lesson.

This one’s pretty deep, so I’ll stop here and just let you think about it. I know I will.

Where’s my journal. Time to write about it.

A Vlog About Writing (Because I didn’t feel like writing it)…Is that weird?

I don’t post these types of videos very often here on my blog as I do on social media. Earlier, I thought about going LIVE on Instagram, but then decided to just post a video about the writing and editing process.

If you enjoy talking about writing and interacting as a writer, follow me on Instagram at stephanieverniwrites or
on TikTok at stephanieverniwrites, and I’ll be sure to follow you back.

I’ve always been fascinated by how other writers works. Do they plot? Do they write as they go along? What’s their editing process?

Believe me…over the years, I’ve listened to and heeded the advice of many talented writers. Today, I thought I’d share…in a very unedited way…my process and the way I go about doing it.

As there is no right or wrong way as such, there is only a way. And each way differs.

Anyway, would love to hear thoughts about your process if you are willing to share.

Cheers.

The Magic of Miracles

Forewarning: this one’s about God and miracles and the divine. It’s kind of personal. If it’s not for you, no worries. But since it’s about my interpretation of these quotes, I’ll continue…

This week’s quote comes from G.K. Chesterton and is as follows:

The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen.

G.K. Chesterton

Perhaps it’s because I have committed to Bible in a Year with Father Mike Schmitz on the Hallow app and am moving along with it in awe, but whoa, there’s a lot to take in. It’s completely enlightening. I’m glad I’ve made this commitment. My children went to Catholic school in their elementary years, and looking back on it now, I realize I missed the boat to dive in and learn along with them. I did not go to Catholic school when I was a child, only religious CCD classes, as they called it back then. My knowledge of the New Testament is pretty good; I’m completely lacking in Old Testament wisdom. And Holy Moly, there’s so much to learn from it that we can apply to today’s insane world. You would think we might have learned from the mistakes of our ancestors.

Combine the practice of Bible in a Year, in addition to attending a bible study group, plus the added bonus of watching The Chosen, and I’m getting a whole new perspective on faith. It took me long enough to realize what I needed most in life, but I finally made it here.

But here’s the thing: my eyes are now open more than they ever have been, and I think that’s pretty miraculous in itself. Not miraculous in the sense of Jesus giving sight to a blind man, making manna fall from the sky, raising Lazarus from the dead, or healing sick people left and right. Those were incredible miracles…and when I watch The Chosen and see the actors bring those moments to life in the show, it’s incredibly moving and powerful. The miracles have me in tears.

You probably have experienced your own little miracles in your lives as well: the birth of your children, finding your spouse, falling in love, leaving behind a bad relationship, being able to help others when they need it. I mean the fact that the sun rises and sets each day is miraculous in itself. Truthfully, have you ever REALLY thought about how beautiful the world can be when we’re not yelling and screaming at each other on social media over stupid, idiotic stuff? When you see a glorious rainbow or watch people’s kindness toward one another?

On second thought, maybe these small miracles are as mind-boggling as the ones Jesus performed while on earth. Maybe, even now, He has made some of us “see.”

Stop Glorifying “Perfect”

Oh, man. When I pulled today’s quote, I knew I would have a lot to write about, so let’s begin.

Today’s quote is:

Celebrate any progress. Don’t wait to get perfect.

Ann McGee-Cooper

Wowee! This is such an important quote for all of us to remember.

Let me start with this story from my full-time teaching days that happened many years ago. A student in my public relations class earned a ‘B’ in class. She was very upset with the notion of earning a ‘B.’ When she came to me asking if she could have an ‘A’ instead—because she’d never earned a ‘B’ before—I told her that’s not the way things work. “But you’re the first ‘B’ I’ve ever gotten,” she said. “Good for you,” I said. “Builds character.”

I didn’t say that to be cheeky or sarcastic. I said it because it’s true. It also reminded me of what a friend said to me—”When did ‘B’s’ become bad?”

The truth was, in that particular class, she was a ‘B’ student. She missed a lot of classes. Some of her work was turned in late. It wasn’t ‘A’ work. Thus, the ‘B.’

In the first class of my MFA program, I earned an ‘A-‘ instead of an ‘A’ because I messed up MLA style. I was used to APA Style and AP Style, and I got some citations wrong. It was my fault. I wasn’t as thorough as I should have been. I deserved the deduction. It’s okay. But I also gave myself some grace to NOT be perfect. I was teaching a full load, raising two young children, going to graduate school full time, and trying to give attention to my husband. “Uncle.”

Even last week, when I finished the FIRST DRAFT of my new manuscript for novel number nine, I had to give myself grace. It isn’t perfect. Indeed, it’s far from it, but it’s the progress that I’m making toward it that matters. I have countless hours of work ahead of me to get that novel where I want it. But I wanted to stop and celebrate the progress I’m making toward completing it.

You all need to do the same, too. Whether it’s weight loss, exercise, taking courses or gaining certifications, raising your children, earning a degree, starting a business, or any other endeavors you are striving toward, I suggest stopping, pausing, and celebrating how far you’ve come.

In our attempts to be perfect we are missing a lot of the little joys that come along with the exercise of “going for it.” Some of the best stuff happens along the way.

Celebrate your progress people…and stop glorifying being perfect or making something that’s perfect.

xx,

Beauty + Joy

Today’s quote as pulled from my box is this:

Beauty is whatever gives joy.
Hugh Nibley

One of the best things we did over the Christmas season was to attend our church’s Festival of Lessons and Carols. It was held the Friday before New Year’s Eve and consisted of 9 scripture readings and 9 carols. The service lasted one hour and took place in a beautifully decorated church filled with Christmas spirit and love.

It was incredibly moving. The choir lifted the church with its voices, and the use of the handheld bells added to the Christmas spirit. There were a few songs that the choir performed and many others in which they asked us to join along. Because the evening consisted of a Bible reading and then a song with no other interruptions, it flowed, and it was easy to be taken in by the beauty of it all. A couple of times, I was moved to tears.

I will remember this Christmas season fondly. We participated in a lot of holiday cheer, including visiting Lancaster, PA, to see a Christmas show, touring the town of Lititz, which was all dressed up for the Christmas season, attending events in Annapolis with friends, such as Midnight Madness and the Boat Parade of Lights, and of course, spending the holidays with our families.

But for me, that moment in the church that night was a highlight. It was a pleasure to listen to the carols, hear the selected readings, and be moved by words that have touches so many people over the last 2000+ years.

Beauty is whatever gives joy, and I felt so much pure joy that night.

xx,

Delight in the Little Things

Today’s card is a very simple, yet poignant quote from Rudyard Kipling, British short-story writer, novelist, poet, journalist, probably best known for his collection of stories in The Jungle Book and his poem Gunga Din.

The quote reads:

Delight in the little things. – Rudyard Kipling

I can’t help but harken back to my younger days, when I was a child growing up in Bowie, Maryland. We lived in our ranch on Pointer Ridge Drive until I was 13 years old. What we learn as children can often inform our lives as we grow and age and work and then retire. The truth is, compared to now, life was simpler back then. I didn’t grow up with the internet or a cellphone. We played outside. I recall summer days swinging on the swing set, playing flashlight tag or red light/green light in the yard with my friends, going to the neighborhood pool, and watching select television programs as a family. In the winter months, we were fortunate to have a large hill in our backyard, which made for phenomenal sledding; all the neighbors would come to our house to take runs on our hill. Hot chocolate and cookies followed. I remember trips to New Jersey to visit our family, mostly around the holiday season, which may be why I’m feeling a little nostalgic. These were the little things, but they’re what I remember most about being young.

As we age, we remember things in snapshots, or in our brains as short video clips. I believe these memories have informed so much of who I am today. It all comes back to valuing your family and friends.

Now that I find myself in my fifties, I delight in so many little things that add up to the big things. In fact, Kipling’s quote reminds me of a passage I wrote in my novel, LITTLE MILESTONES, during an exchange between the main character, Olivia, and her friend Nate, who are both somewhat disappointed by the path their lives have taken. The exchange goes like this:

“Since I’ve moved here, I’ve started looking at life differently. When I lived in New York, everything seemed big. Big city. Big events. Big wedding. Big jobs. Big pressure. Now, I’ve started to pay attention to all the little milestones I’m experiencing.”“How so?” Nate asked.“Well, I left the city and started new here. Little milestone. I got a new job and a new way of life. Little milestone. I’m starting a new business, making friends, taking Salsa lessons. Little milestones. All these little ones may end up creating a big milestone one day.”“Or maybe it’s okay just to have lots of little milestones,” he said.He was right. It was practical, yet dreamy. Realistic, yet hopeful. Small, yet significant.And it was a beautiful way to look at life. —From Little Milestones, copyright 2019 Whether it's taking a walk on a beautiful day and looking up at the sky and seeing the sliver of the moon, or taking our boat out on the water for the afternoon, or just hanging out with our children and our family, I've learned to cherish every moment . . . the little ones, especially.The older I get, the more I realize it's the little things I love the most. The big things are great, too, but I think when you look back on your life, you realize you spend your time doing more little things consistently, and they become a part of what you value most.