Rachelle D. Alspaugh's Blog, page 13

"Home"

Saturday morning we woke up, made sure the camper was set up to drive, and we drove it out to New Song Mission to set up camp until we're able to find a more permanent home. I've been wanting to go camping again for quite a while, so it looks like I got my wish, sort-of. It all feels so adventurous until you have those moments when it hits you that you're not going back to where you came from. It's only moving forward from here. Not gonna lie, those moments can hit hard. This morning as I sat all alone in the little camper (well, alone as you can be with two curious little cats), I thought, "Wow. I'm really here, and I'm really doing this. Living out of a camper in the middle of nowhere, just on the other end of New Song Road, just a windy road's drive away from my new classroom at New Song Leadership Academy. And how exactly did I get here?" Crazy feeling, for sure. 

It literally took us the entire day to get set up, when you consider all the driving between Matt and Chrissy's house to New Song, hooking all the electric and water up, driving to town in Columbus (about a 25 minute drive from here) to eat lunch and then go shopping at Walmart to stock up on everything we'll need for at least a week or so, driving to Chrissy's mom's place to get some things out of storage, including more clothes, pots and pans, tools, and outdoor furniture, and then back to New Song. Then after we got all set up, we still had to drive 15 minutes to Matt and Chrissy's house to take David back since the camper only sleeps two. It was a late night for sure.

I think I got to bed a little before 1 a.m., only to be awakened by issues with my CPAP machine not being set up right, then two cats making a bunch of racket while RUNNING into our little bedroom because a storm freaked them out, then listening to a storm pound down on the camper and just imagining all of our camping chairs and things we left outside blowing all over the place. Somehow Mike slept through all of it, but I sure didn't. I think I slept about 2-3 hours total. 

I got up in the morning with Mike and checked everything outside to find out that nothing blew anywhere, it was just all a bit wet. Whew. Looks like we'll be okay!

However, I skipped out on our first week to attend church together because I was exhausted. Mike met the rest of the family (including David) at church, and I stayed back to sleep. Then Mike and David stopped to get us some lunch before coming back to hang out in our new "home" for the rest of the rainy day. We sat and played cards and drank coffee and just enjoyed a quiet day. We ended the night cooking hot dogs on the stove and eating some chips and potato salad. Now that the rain has passed, I'm looking forward to Mike cooking for us in the evenings out on the grill and the smoker. Bob (my new boss) also said we could build a little firepit, so that will really make it feel like a long camping adventure. 

Just pulling in to start the hook-ups.

After we brought back all the outdoor furniture, though we forgot the chair for the patio table, so we'll need to get those another day. We did get the kitty cage/table/fireplace, my egg chair, and the smoker, plus a small table top grill. 
Tight quarters for a bit, but it's definitely manageable, especially now that we're figuring out better ways to organize everything. 

All set up. We're pretty close to the road, but that row of trees behind us make it pretty quiet and comfortable.
We even have a dumpster right there, so trash isn't an issue. 
A closer look at the set-up for now.
One curious little cat. We put a harness on him, and it settled him down a little bit. 
We also got him a leash for the harness and hooked it up to the chair. Then he can get his outside time with me when he doesn't want to be caged. 
The view in front of the camper on a gray, cloudy day.
Trying out his new leash. LOL.
He wasn't quite sure about walking on that gravel. 
Enjoying dinner. 
Spazzie hides most of the time, so we likely won't get many pictures of her. She's happy, though, and seems to be pretty well adjusted now. She still doesn't like Boots very much, though. 
So, our house closes tomorrow morning, then we'll be jumping into the real estate world here to find just the right house that God has already prepared for us. We're getting to know the area a little bit more and have a little bit better idea of where to look, but so far we've only found houses a bit out of our price range. It's fun looking and imagining the possibilities, but I can't complain about our current living situation. I don't mind being a bike ride away from my classroom, and it sure is peaceful out here. Yesterday may have been the most restful day I've had since school ended. I think I'm going to try to soak it up while God has me positioned here. 

Living in limbo

Well, we left Texas a week ago last Friday evening, and I'm trying my best to feel as settled as possible. Not the easiest when I'm "homeless", but I'm making it a point to find things to be grateful for and to look forward to. I have moments where it hits me that life will never look the same again, but then I remind myself that God has great things ahead for us. I also remind myself that I'm not the only one starting a new chapter right now.  I have three close friends staring widowhood in the face, still trying to make sense of how and why God took their spouse away. I have a son who had nine years with us and now finds himself on his own, trying to figure out how to do this adult thing now with his family almost a thousand miles away. I have friends and family looking at having to split their time with their kids with a spouse who no longer lives with them. I have a mom trying to figure out why God reunited her with a daughter for four short years and then sent her off to a mission field almost a thousand miles away. I have a son caught in limbo, wanting to support us 100% and be with us, while also wanting to taste independence while finishing college for the next two years. I have a husband starting two new jobs while learning a whole new area and way of life.  We're all starting new chapters, saying goodbye to people and places we never wanted to say goodbye to, while looking for God to show up in ways we can't imagine. Some things and losses we may never understand until we get to heaven, so for now we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and just do the next thing. All I know is God will be with us every step and will guide us on the journey. 

Here are just a few pics of things I'm trying not to take for granted or miss the beauty of these moments, however fleeting they are.

I love how my mom and I were in the same mood on that last day before we headed out, wearing our matching Waymaker shirts. Saying goodbye to my mom might have been the biggest mystery as to what God is doing here, but I'm thankful for the way we've been able to grow closer and make some great craft-making, chai-drinking memories together over the last four years. I know this has been extremely hard on her, but I'm so grateful for her support, knowing I had to follow what God was calling me to do. 

I didn't have a lot of emotional attachment to my house, for some reason. I don't know why, but lately it just hasn't felt like home anymore. But oh, the memories that this porch will always bring. My sanctuary, where God and I had some pretty significant conversations over the 15 years I lived there. I do believe that God saved my life out on that porch and gave me incredible guidance over so many life-changing decisions. I don't really have a lot of stipulations about what kind of house I'd like to live in here, but having a porch or deck is a must!

I'm so thankful for Matt and Chrissy's hospitality this first week, helping us adjust and find our bearings before we set up camp on our own. She's a great mom, an incredible household manager, and a wonderful cook! These shish-kabobs were delicious! And even better because we sat outside on the deck to eat them.

David and I spent an afternoon just driving around and hanging out. He's sticking around as long as he's needed until he gets bored or school is starting. He's been helping out around the land and also going to work with Matt and Mike when he can, making a little extra money to put toward his goals. Right now he's staying in the Man Cave above the garage, so I see him every day. But once we park the camper at New Song, he'll stay at Matt's house, so then I won't see him on a daily basis. I can't even bring myself to think about him leaving to go back to Dallas because just the thought of it brings me to tears. I am so enjoying our time together here. 

Pics like these are just priceless. 

Riding bike through a small patch of woods right beside the pasture on Matt's land. Following Chrissy and her horse, a little biker ahead, and two little goats. It's a whole different pace of life here. :)

Every morning and evening in the summer means time out in the pasture, feeding the goats and a horse, while playing soccer, riding bikes, or riding four wheelers. Or even spraying Round-Up. LOL. 

Chrissy is a whole different person once Sully came along. I love watching how her eyes just light up when they're together. She's done an amazing job with that horse.

Catching the sunset through the trees.

Just catching the beauty of the path right on their land. 

Took an evening ride and couldn't help stopping to take a picture of this beautiful pond. 
The trees right in front of Chrissy's house. 
My little biker friend, Wes. Such a sweet kid. 
A day at the city pool. I'm not one who likes to be around a crowd, so I sat at a picnic table to read a good book while Chrissy and the boys swam. (Plus my swimming attire is packed and in storage somewhere).

Just saw this path as something beautiful with the way the sun shone on it that evening. 
Where the camper is about to park for awhile at New Song until we find the right house God has for us. 
My new walking/biking trail at New Song.


I went for a short walk at New Song while Mike and David looked at the hookups for the camper when I spotted this deer. And to think that this is my new home away from home. God knows this nature lover and knew just how to surprise me on my walk. 
The bridge I get to cross every morning on my way to my classroom. 

A white horse/mule that I pass on my way to New Song. 
It's the little things that I'm trying to savor as I'm living life in limbo right now. So many people keep saying we are back home in Indiana, but that's really not the case for me. My husband is definitely home, but it will take awhile for me to call this home. Pennsylvania had me for the first 15 years of my life, then Indiana had me for about 11 years--except for the half of year that I spent in other countries, and then Texas had me for 19 years, except for the three summers that Colombia took me in. Indiana is far from home, but my son reminded me that Indiana is where I spent my late teens and early twenties, the age where I really became the person I am today. He's got a point. Love that kid's wisdom and his ability to speak deeply to me. 
We decided to wait one more day before setting up camp at New Song. We've enjoyed being at Matt and Chrissy's (and having David right there), but I know Mike and I need to get on the same page to start this adventure together. As long as he and his brother are together every evening, it's harder for Mike and I to connect and work together. Staying at Matt's feels too much like vacation. I look forward to spending some more quality, one-on-one time with Mike once we're "on our own".  
Well, I hope I didn't ramble too much on this post. Chrissy offered to drop me off in town for a bit this afternoon so I could use the wifi to catch up on my blog. Now I better respond to those realtor e-mails I got behind on! (Good news is they want to close on the house next week rather than at the end of July!)
 

No turning back now

 Mike, David, Matt, and Mark all ended up hanging out in the Man Cave (a cool room above the garage) until about 5:30 in the morning, but Peggy (my mother-in-law) and I slept on camping cots in the basement and fell fast asleep as soon as we turned the lights out, probably around 3:30 in the morning. My nephews and Chrissy had all gone to bed much earlier, so we could hear them upstairs by around 7:30 or 8:00 the next morning. By 8:30, we started to get up and around, and before lunch time, we had all headed out with the moving truck to unload the contents of our house, garage, and driveway into an empty barn/garage at Chrissy's mom's house, about 15 minutes away. 

What took Mike and David almost three solid days to load took four Alspaugh men (and women) just a couple hours to unload. We kept it somewhat sorted in the barn so that we can get things as needed, or at least we tried. Haha. 

Chrissy's mom also came out and fed us a really good lunch of hamburgers, chips, salad, baked beans, corn on the cob, and really good iced tea. I felt so blessed, to have this convenient, spacious place to store our things until we find the right home here to meet our needs, but also to be so warmly welcomed and received. 

We got done unloading, and then Mike looked at me and said, "Well, our stuff's all unloaded now, so there's no turning back!"
We're officially homeless, I guess. We kept just enough clothes and essential things out so we could set up our new home in Peggy's camper that she brought down to Columbus for us to borrow for awhile until we find the right house to buy. She and Stan (my late father-in-law) had just bought this camper together not much more than a year ago, so giddy and excited for a new chapter in life post-retirement. They may have taken a couple of small trips (from Warsaw to Columbus) in it before his health and mind deteriorated too much for him to be able to make use of it. Who knew then that Mike and I would soon call it our temporary home back in Indiana? 

So far we're parked in Matt's driveway, but tomorrow we'll take it out to New Song and set up camp there temporarily. I have enjoyed being here with Chrissy and the boys while Mike and Matt have worked all day, plus David is here for a little while helping us get things settled and squared away. She's made some amazing meals and been so hospitable, making us feel right at home. But I am very excited to get on campus at New Song and begin to make it my home. Even after I get a house, New Song will be my new home away from home.  We took a little trip there yesterday to show Chrissy and the boys, and it just felt like I have always belonged there. 

Here, safe and sound

 Well, I wish I would have had a chance to blog over the last few days because each day could have and should have been a post of its own. But alas, I had no time and then no wifi to do any blogging. So I will try to catch you up on at least the main events of the last few days.

To start, we are here. I guess you could say we're in limbo-land, kind-of feeling like a mixture of being on vacation, but with no home to go back to. Mike went straight to work on Monday morning, so we haven't even had a chance to really get our bearings and debrief or anything of the sort as of yet. 

We were supposed to close on our house on the 5th and leave a day or two later. But at the last minute, the buyers extended their option period while they drew up a "new" offer that reflected their concerns about their true budget after they had an inspection completed. Their new offer was so far from their original offer that we had to respectfully decline and terminate the contract. We definitely saw a case of an investor trying to take advantage of us. So, we scheduled a time to get the moving truck, and Mike and David started packing the truck immediately. 

We hoped to leave Thursday afternoon, then switched to Friday morning, then to Friday afternoon, and finally by 8:00 on Friday night, we had the house empty and clean, the moving truck packed completely full, two SUV's packed full, a trailer loaded behind one SUV for David to pull, and another trailer loaded behind the moving truck to haul Mike's prized rock-crawler. With a caged cat in two vehicles, we each got into a vehicle to begin the long drive North, assuming we'd make it at least a few hours that first night to shorten up the trip some on Saturday. 

We're so thankful for so many prayers for safety, because God definitely kept us safe, though the trip was anything but uneventful. That Friday night, I started getting tired around 11:30 and told Mike I could make it till midnight. That would get us to Texarkana, one of the bigger towns. Except once we got to Texarkana around midnight, we couldn't find any motels with any vacancies. So we drove a bit farther while Mike called 14 different motels on our way, only to find out everyone was booked due to an athletic tournament going on. I finally resorted to a being open to a Walmart parking lot where I could at least sleep a few hours in my car. Just when we decided on that over the phone, we heard a popping sound, which happened to be Mike's trailer tire. So he slowly pulled off the road and onto the next exit, right into a Walmart parking lot. When we all got our of our vehicles to look at the tire, we looked up and saw a motel right across the street. With a vacancy! We all got a good night's sleep for the long drive on Saturday, and we got the tire we needed at Walmart in the morning. God took good care of us that night, in Hope, Arkansas, of all places. 

Saturday we got a later start due to getting the tire situation all sorted out and fixed, so we didn't pull out until about 10:30 in the morning with a ten hour drive ahead of us. I was really started to get bored and tired in the late afternoon (I don't know that I've ever driven that long on my own), so I was really looking forward to listening to church online at 6:00. I was so excited to get to listen to my church for an hour and hear Josh Howerton preach. 

But shortly after 6:00, as I was singing along with the worship, I watched as David blew a tire on the trailer he was pulling in front of me. So we both pulled off onto the side of the road and got off on the next exit. He pulled into the first parking lot he saw, which just so happened to be a wrecker service. With tires. He walked in (thankfully they were still open on a Saturday evening), explained what happened and what he needed, and they let him pull into the shop and get things taken care of. In that time, I was able to go to the gas station across the street, use the restroom, get some coffee, fill up my gas tank, and then drive to McDonalds to grab us something to eat for dinner. So we lost another hour, but God definitely kept us safe and took care of us. Oh, and I did get to listen to the rest of church, too. 

We all three got back on the road, but we kept losing time due to some engine issues Mike was having with the truck that made going up any kind of hill or incline take a lot longer. We finally found ourselves driving up the last road to Mike's brother Matt's house at about 2 am (1 am our time in Texas). Except that his road was a bit more of an incline than the truck's engine could handle, and the truck just stopped moving. He revved it the whole way, but the truck wouldn't budge another inch up that hill. So we called Matt, who came with his Excursion to pull the truck the rest of the way up the hill to his house. Not quite the grand entrance we really wanted to make back into Indiana, especially at 2 am, but hey, we're thankful we made it up every other hill prior to that without any issues. By the time this happened, Matt was just at the top of the hill with just the right vehicle to come to our aid. 

I have a lot more to write, but I'll end this post and continue the story later. I'd hate to leave out any important details because I'm trying to tell too much at once.

My pics are not uploaded to my photos yet due to wifi issues, so I will have to add those later. 

The hardest goodbyes begin

My emotions are a bit all over the place now as the hardest goodbyes begin. It still does not feel real, and as much as I try to tell myself that these are the last times I will do things or see people, I can't really feel much of anything.  Only when I write can I even begin to process how I feel.
Tonight I will attend my friend's husbands viewing, and tomorrow morning we'll go to his funeral. Depending on whether the moving truck is packed and how the funeral goes, we may be heading out of town right after that. David went to a young adult meeting at a church he goes to with his college buddies in Dallas last night (called The Porch), so I reached out to Juan David to see about meeting Mike and me for dinner one last time. Between his weird schedule and ours, we ended up getting dinner and taking it to his apartment around 8:00 last night. He was pretty proud to show us all he'd done in decorating with the few pieces of furniture he has so far and to show us his plans for how he plans to continue setting it up. He spoke so much more maturely, in my opinion, as he is beginning to realize all the new responsibilities he's stepped into. 
I loved seeing the things that mattered the most to him, like the fact that he put up a small picture of him and his brother, Julian, along with two self portraits that he and Julian both did of themselves on separate occasions hanging together on his wall. And that he gave David a spare key, meaning David has an extra place to stay when he comes to town. 
He did a great job on his bedroom and bathroom. I look forward to watching in pictures as he finds the few pieces of furniture he's needing and envisioning. He said the next time I come (maybe Christmas?), the apartment should be full. 






So we took a few pics outside the apartment, hugged a few times, and said goodbye, not knowing if there will be another goodbye before we head out.
Today we start packing the truck. 
Exciting adventures await us (and some VERY excited family), but first we've got to get through the goodbyes on this side. 
The house sale did not go through as hoped, so the house relisted this morning. Not sure why we had to go through that, but I guess it's all part of the experience. But this time we'll either be in the process of moving things out while it shows, or we'll be completely out of the house. Hoping for the same thing as last time--ten offers in two days, and that we'll have the wisdom to choose the right offer. I'm just thankful we have an RV waiting for us to reside in for a few months so we don't have to feel rushed to sell and buy something else. 
 

Happy Birthday, Dad!

 

Fourth of July 2022

 

New Beginning

 Still feels so incredibly strange, but we moved Juan into his first apartment today. We filled my car with the small stuff, the trailer with the big stuff, and his work truck with the last few things like his laundry basket and bedding. 

I will admit, we were quite surprised to see how much he was NOT packed or ready, despite how much he said he was and how much he insisted it wouldn't take long at all to move his stuff. I think it took more work to empty his small, unpacked bedroom than it did to get it all up the three flights of stairs (which I sadly walked up about three times before I decided to stay at the top and put away a few things in his kitchen while Juan and David finished bringing it all up).

Part of me wanted to be that mom that went to the store and brought him back a basket of cleaning supplies, toiletries, and lunch. But at the same time, he made it pretty clear that he wants to do this all on his own. He didn't even want me anywhere near his kitchen because he had his own visions of how he wanted it organized. I get it. I'm the same way and hate having someone around when I'm trying to figure things out. I left and said I'll come back whenever he's set up and invites me back. When we left he was still in the middle of assembling the night stands he picked out at IKEA and said he'd head to the store soon after to get a few more essential things, along with the box spring he still needed. I think he was really looking forward to spending the day getting himself settled and somewhat organized. 

It was totally time for this step--for all of us. But I wonder when it will hit me that he won't be walking through the front door in the evenings saying, "I'm home" before disappearing into his room until dinner. 

A day of giving back

Today's a big day. July 1st. The second half of the year. 

Right before Christmas, I sat with a friend who'd just lost a baby boy who stole her heart, losing the chance to adopt him. We connected. I'd been there. That night she joined the Failed Adoption Grief Support Group that God had me start years after I'd healed from own grief. 

Today that friend adopted that little boy and made him her son forever. God gave him back to her. My heart swells with joy for her. I've been there, too. 

But today I held my hands open in prayer for the son God gave back to me nine years ago and realized God is asking me to give him back to Him--again. To place him back in His hands and trust His guidance and protection over my son. Today he pays his first month's rent payment and picks up his key for his first apartment. Though we won't be moving him in until tomorrow, today is the day he starts his independent life. 

He's 24 1/2 years old. He's done well for himself, has a good job, makes good money--far more than Mike or I even came close to making at that age. Setting goals for himself that we sadly doubted and suggested were unrealistic, but he went after them anyway and achieved them. Do I see flaws that may be stumbling blocks in his future? Of course. What person in their 20's doesn't fall a time or two out of a mix of over-confidence, immaturity, and naivety? Despite those flaws, I see a young man determined to become someone. I am excited for him to take these steps to start life on his own, but I hate that I'll be so far and can't stop in to say hi or meet him for lunch occasionally. Though I know without a doubt that God orchestrated this entire move, it hurts to know we're saying goodbye to the last 9 years of life together. But it seems like God and I have been playing this game of giving back with this boy for a long time. 

Today my dearest friend woke up to an empty bed, the realization that the high school sweetheart God gave her, took away, gave her back, and then nearly took away to heart disease early in their marriage, now resided in heaven. Two and a half years with cancer, going back and forth with chemos and different treatments, on and off hospice, begging God for healing. And today she faced the reality that God finally asked her to give him back. My heart hurts deeply for her and her kids. I hate that when she needs her close friends the most, I'm leaving. 

I know we'll stay close, as we connect a lot through texting and facebook. She knows I'll always pray for her. But I sure do hate the fact that we can't just meet for coffee or spend an hour together on my front porch. That I can't drop a gift off on her doorstep or sit on her couch and talk when things are tough. She can't shop at my garage sales from her phone and swing by to pick up her goodies. We won't teach the same grade in the same district anymore and pin each other's pictures on our computers while in a zoom meeting with over a hundred teachers. We can't watch each other's animals at the last minute when we realize we forgot to arrange for someone, and we won't live right down the road from each other anymore. 

I've obviously got a lot on my heart today. 

It's definitely a big day with a lot to take in and process. 

I have peace about the adventure ahead and look forward to so many things, but this week of lasts and giving back to God is definitely starting to hit me. Closing a chapter is necessary in order to open a new one, but it doesn't mean it's not hard. 

Last Night of ReEngage (at LakePointe, anyway)

I love my church. 

I love all the pastors and teaching pastors that have come and gone. I love the teaching. I love the life groups we've been a part of. I love the large group-small group-growth group/accountability model that has helped us connect deeply with several other couples over the last 19 years. I love the mission trips. I love the adoption ministry. I love women's Bible studies. I love women's ministry. I love my writer's group. 

But the ministry closest to my heart is a ministry called ReEngage. There are no words to describe the impact that ReEngage has had on me personally and on my marriage. ReEngage puts the verse James 5:16 "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" into real live action. This ministry creates an atmosphere of transparency, honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity that I have never seen anywhere else, and such an atmosphere gives people a chance to surrender their issues to God and let Him redeem them because they know they're not alone. Shame grows in the dark, when we hide our mistakes and struggles rather than admit to them, but when you confess your sins to others in a safe atmosphere, you give strength, courage, and resolve to someone else who may struggle with the same thing. We need accountability, not isolation, to fight our demons. The more we cover up and even deny that we have problems or have made mistakes, the easier it is to let them go unresolved and thus tear us apart. And every time our pride gets in the way, we deprive someone else of knowing they're not the only one with their particular struggle. I can't tell you how much I've learned, grown, been challenged, convicted, changed, and inspired by the people I've met here at ReEngage. 

Cole, our weekly worship leader every Wednesday night

Tim and Monica, our fearless leaders who led us while they walked through their own fire. We also got to be in a Lifegroup with them for a year when we switched back to the main campus after COVID.  Love them and so honored to know them.

The pastor of LakePointe Espanol who shared his testimony so vulnerably and courageously this last week. The transparency in our leaders is amazing. 
A few faces from our ReGroup, a group of couples that already went through the whole program and just wanted to keep meeting weekly to stay on the right track. There are no words to describe how much these people (and a few who left before we took the picture) have meant to me and challenged me. 
I hated the circumstances that led us back to ReEngage three years ago, but I honestly wouldn't want to change them for all that we've learned and gained through being part of it for the last three years. Every church needs a ReEngage program. People need to know that the church isn't full of perfect people with perfect reputations. No wonder so many marriages fail. People struggle in isolation, wondering why it's so hard for them and not everyone else. But when you walk into a room and hear people confess their struggles, especially in marriage, you know you belong and are safe. You don't have to hide for fear of being judged. On the contrary, they offer grace and stand ready to help restore you and help you find a better way. It's a lot more inspiring to follow a leader who admits their struggles and mistakes than one who hides them and pretends they have it all together. 
If you find out that a church near you has a ReEngage program, rearrange your schedule and GO! I found a couple not too terribly far from where we're headed. I hope our new schedules will let us at least check them out in the near future.