Rachelle D. Alspaugh's Blog, page 10

Internal Progress

Not a lot of external progress to share this week on the house, but God has definitely been doing a work on me internally through this remodel.

Everywhere I look now, I see mud. Lots and lots of mud. And if there's anything I can't stand, it's mud. I hate getting and feeling dirty. And the hardest part about that is knowing that it's likely going to look like this for a long time. The warm weather has passed, so I doubt it's going to dry up any time soon. Freeze, maybe. But dry up, not so much. 

It's Christmas time, and I just want a clean, cozy home to decorate with all my nativities, a place to invite a friend over for coffee, tea, hot cider or hot chocolate in the crockpot. A comfy corner to put my feet up, wrap up with a blanket by the fire, and curl up with a good book. We've got the cozy part going on with the new wood stove, but the clean is hard to come by. Mike and David are used to working in the garage with grease and all sorts of dirty things, so they don't quite get my sense of discomfort. 

I can easily get stuck in the mud, stuck in my discomfort and dissatisfaction, stuck in an ungrateful state and complain my days away, making my husband feel very unappreciated for all of his time and hard work. I can wish for something better, nicer, and cleaner and forget the potential that lies ahead. Then I could miss the beauty of what's coming. 

I read in a marriage book that some couples give up on their marriage during the hard times, not knowing that they missed the best part that was yet to come. I may hate traipsing through the mud right now, but I can't lose sight of the beauty that lies ahead. The future we will be able to build here on this land we now call home. 

Mike and Matt happen to work in a trade where they are constantly upgrading other people's homes and are able to walk away with materials the people no longer wanted, materials that they've been storing away to put back into our house. The more patient I am, the more materials they come by. Yesterday Mike showed me all the materials and plan he has for a deck to wrap around part of the house. My mind sees endless mud and a long winter ahead. His mind sees plans for projects and improvements I haven't even considered, thinking the money won't stretch that far.

We all three went for a walk in the woods the other evening with a map to help us find the property line. Now that the leaves have all fallen, it's a lot easier to see the land. I needed that walk, right along the neighbor's property line, seeing all the trails on his side--the potential of what our own side can look like some day. Trails on our own land, places where grandkids can come explore some day, nieces and nephews can come hang out, friends can come visit with their families, places we can go for nature walks, etc. I may not have a place to invite them to come right now, but eventually I will, and it will be worth the wait. Worth trekking through the mud for the time being. 

But, yeah, it sure is a lot of mud. What you see there is only a fraction of it. Each season has its purpose. I'm just going to have to grin and bear it through this season of mud and remember that beauty lies ahead. That's why they're called seasons, because they only last for a time. 

Huge progress

Not gonna lie. Coming back from Texas has not been an easy transition. As thankful as I was for all the progress made on the house (and so many volunteered hours from our family here), bringing David and his needs into the mix left me running on fumes for the first few weeks. Mike and I have had little to no time to talk or reconnect, I struggled to feel settled or at home, and I found it much more emotionally difficult to leave my close friends and family in Texas than I had when I left in July. Plus I felt like I had to put all my own needs to the side to take care of David and make sure he was as comfortable and cared for as possible. The unexpected 3 week interruption into my new life (new job, new church, new groups, new friends, new routines, new connections, new momentum, etc.) left me feeling very disconnected. I hadn't been here long enough to feel secure in anything, and it almost felt like I was starting over in all areas. 

I'm still having a rough time trying to settle in to this new space and find any sense of daily routine, but I'm making it. We're making it. One day, one hour at a time. As my teammate and I discussed the need to establish solid routines and procedures for our new students coming to campus soon as a way to make them feel safe and secure, it was a good reminder to me of why I have felt so discombobulated. Feeling unsettled can have a huge effect on our mental health. 

I was sick my first weekend home, then my mother-in-law came the second weekend so we could celebrate Thanksgiving, so this weekend was the first chance I've had to clean, organize, put up a few Christmas decorations, and settle in a little bit. 

It definitely helped some. Now to figure out the coordination of schedules and managing how to share one bathroom and take care of David's needs while not treating him like a child, that's the next step. Lol. 

However, despite my own mental/emotional struggle over the last 3 weeks, Mike, Matt, and Mark (Matt's father-in-law) made some HUGE progress on the house that I must congratulate them on. When we first looked at this house with a sunken room due to a basement wall caving in, I thought only crazy people would ever consider buying such a house. Honestly, to me, it sounded like a situation you'd want to run far away from if you had any economic sense. But to watch those three men go down in the basement to assess the damage and come back up saying, confidently, "We can fix that." Well, I didn't know what to even think of that. 

But, lo and behold. That's exactly what they did. It took a little longer than expected due to trying to get the house a little more ready for winter and then for David to come, but this week's progress just amazes me. 

Let's start with a little flashback.....

When we first bought the house

Below is the sunken room, which is the laundry/mud room. 

They completely dug out and tore out the basement walls, along with all the brick on the exterior of that part of the house, jacked up the room, dug out and laid a new footer, and started rebuilding the walls, one brick at a time.  The shower is to the left of the red brick wall here, so even though they told me I was completely safe, I never felt 100% secure while taking a shower this whole time. 




Coming home from work one day to find a completed wall brought tears to my eyes. 






Definitely a lot of mud right now

The new and improved entrance into the mud room

Sure is turning out cute. I like the white siding in addition to the brick. 

There's still a whole bunch of work left to do, but the main thing is done. They said they could fix that basement, and they did just that. I'm amazed. 
On another note, we were told David would need to see a new orthopedist three weeks after his last appointment in Texas, so we found one that specializes in sports injuries in Carmel, Indiana. We went on Wednesday of this week and were suprised to hear the new doctor wanted him out of casts and in splints instead. However, he wants to follow the last doc's instructions to keep the pins in his wrists for 8-10 weeks, so he's still got the pins in his wrists until the end of this month. He has more freedom now, for sure, but has to be more careful as he's not near as protected as he was in the casts. He still has to be very careful to not rotate his wrists or forearms in any way as long as the pins are still in. 






This year has just been one surprise after another, and quite the unexpected journey. 

30 days of Gratitude

Well, I had all intentions of getting a pumpkin and writing something I'm thankful for on it every day this month. I saw it on Facebook and thought it was really cute. But, I missed almost half the month before I got home, and then I never got a pumpkin. So, I'll write all 30 here, even though the month isn't quite over yet. 

This year I am especially thankful for:

All 3 of my boys (David, Juan David, and Julian) and the distinct relationship I have with each of them, even from a distance.David's positive attitude despite a huge (and humbling) disruption to his life.A peaceful location to live (though the house isn't the most peaceful place to live in just yet)The possibilities and potential that lay ahead on our new propertyThe chance to see a few friends (and family) on my unexpected trip to Dallas to help David after his accident and surgery, especially the friend who I've been missing the mostA chance to spend a few extra days with my mom and dad this last month and a couple quick visits with my brother and his wife (had to be quick because they were both really sick)Prayers being answered at New Song with new houseparents moving in soon and then several students moving in at the beginning of the New YearAn incredible team to work with at New SongA teammate who shares my passion for missions and ministryA beautiful place to work that truly feels like homeStaff meetings that start with prayerA chance to work in ministry, specifically with the Mom's retreat we just had in October, pampering the moms of old and new students and/or campers at New SongA chance to see a few old coworkers from Bullock Elementary for a brief few minutes while in Texas, specifically two special ladies that have been through significant loss that I got to hug and let them know personally that I am praying often for them.People who helped financially toward our airline tickets to not make the trip to Texas and back a burdenA close relationship with my sister-in-law, Chrissy, and our deep conversations we get into about life and spiritual thingsA chance to get to be in my little nephews' and my young niece's lifeChrissy's family and the way they have loved on us so much and just consider us familyA chance to spend more time with my mother-in-law and get to know her in a way I never have beforeA husband who enjoys what he does and has a more predictable and manageable work scheduleThe chance to see Mike and his brother (sometimes brothers) together so oftenA pastor (previously a youth pastor) who has always cared so much about my sonA new church with a huge heart for missions and outreach and new friends there that really inspire meA chance to mentor a young friend and know that God is using experiences in my life to help guide herLakePointe Church and the way I can stay connected through online services on Saturday nights, different groups that connect digitally on a weekly and monthly basisThe chance to still attend LakePointe with David (when he's in Texas) because he texts me often to say he's there and then I jump online to "attend" with himMy friend Martha (and her husband Warren), who demonstrated true friendship to me and my family in a million ways over the last month, starting with dropping everything on her schedule at a moment's notice to drive to the hospital 40 minutes away to be there for my son in his greatest hours of need when I was a thousand miles away, staying with my other son to wait through David's entire surgery, showing up early at the hospital the next morning to talk with the doctors, and then opening her home to both of us for almost three weeks while we waited for his first follow up appointment before we could make plans to travel home. During those weeks, she opened her home to anyone who wanted to visit us and even let me invite family over to celebrate Juan's birthday with him. They also let me drive Warren's car any time I needed or wanted to go anywhere. I honestly think I could have filled all 30 days and more with all that I'm grateful to them for. I can never repay them for all they did for us (not that they would ever want to be repaid), but I hope I can pay it forward to a friend in need in the future some day. I never even reached out to her personally when the accident happened. She just responded to to a group prayer request that I sent as soon as I found out that David needed surgery. Friends like that are priceless, and I hope that David and I both can learn to be that kind of friend to others.Friends that intentionally keep in touch or write to meProgress on my house and the hardworking, talented men who have done the bulk of the work (and the friends who have come over to help with smaller, but tedious jobs on the house, like painting--I can't tell you how thankful I felt to come home to painted walls and trim in my kitchen, living room, and hallway.)Not having to miss either of my boys' birthdays with them, even though I moved pretty far awayA Black Friday reunion with a close friend who will always be family (can't wait till tomorrow!) Happy Thanksgiving, from my family to yours

Making ourselves at home

I got Juan to come over one last time after work so I had a chance to get another picture, another hug, and say goodbye again. This time goodbye consisted of: Happy your brother's birthday, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. I was just thankful he had the chance to swing by and eat a quick dinner with us one last time. 

We are "home" now and still trying to settle in after a whirlwind of a month. Today was the first day I've actually had to be able to be still and feel like I could catch my breath. I ended up getting sick with a nasty head cold for a few days from getting very little sleep the last night there (waiting up for David when he went out with his college buddies one last time) and the first night home (getting in at 2:30 a.m. and waking up to my cats at 6:00ish), and just over-extending myself catching up on doing laundry (not at home), getting groceries (after not shopping for 3 weeks), seeing family (for the duration of a Cowboy's game), and celebrating David's birthday (at a movie till 10:30 at night). So I spent Friday night in bed, all day Saturday in bed, and then we did online church today so I could just rest and make sure I'm well enough for work tomorrow (no, we don't get the whole week of Thanksgiving off here, just Thursday and Friday). Thankfully I feel 90% better today than yesterday.  I think God and my body just found a way to force me to stay home and rest. 

David and I flew back to Indiana on Friday, November 11th. We really struggled to know the best way to get him home (and almost resorted to our friends' offer to drive us home), but after David got new casts on on at his appointment on Tuesday, everything started to change. He got the use of his elbows back, and his wrists felt much more secure and stable in the new casts, so he started using his fingers a lot more. Within 24 hours, he found himself able to eat finger foods by himself, use a fork and spoon, put on and remove certain items of clothing, and hold and manipulate his phone a little more easily. So we decided we could attempt a normal flight, as long as it was a non-stop flight so he could avoid a restroom as much as possible. We checked in all of our luggage except for our backpacks, and our friend Warren helped us get the luggage up to the counter. Once we got to the gate, we explained (showed) his handicap, and they let us pre-board. That was a big concern, especially on Southwest because there are no assigned seats. We needed a middle seat and an aisle seat, leaving the window seat open for a last minute person boarding. Thankfully, it all worked out just right. 

Our flight got in a little early, and we got off just fine without any issues. But Mike got stuck trapped in a bunch of traffic outside the airport, and he couldn't park to come in to help us with our luggage. We waited and waited for a really long time before any of the luggage came out for our plane, and then when it finally did, we found one of our suitcases open in a container because the zipper had completely broken. (Could be my own fault for packing it too full???) When I saw my underwear hanging out, I knew we had a problem. LOL. This definitely added a bit of stress to the fact that I was already trying to figure out how to handle 3 suitcases and 2 backpacks without David's help. When I figured out there was no way to close the suitcase, I had to figure out what to do with the luggage. So, we put the winter jacket on David, shoved the other winter jacket into one of the other suitcases, and shoved all the underwear, socks, and shirts into the 2 backpacks. Poor David was beyond frustrated that he couldn't help, and then once he had a jacket on, it wasn't obvious why he wasn't helping. I left David with the broken suitcase and a backpack, while I wheeled the other two suitcases and my backpack out to the truck sitting in park right outside our gate. I couldn't even hug Mike because he then rushed in to help David with the broken suitcase and his own backpack.  Not quite the reunion I envisioned after being apart for 3 weeks, nor the way Mike wanted to welcome David back to Indiana under his already unfortunate circumstances. I probably could have asked for help, but well, you know me. We figured it out. So, the flight was fine, and all went well, except for that last hiccup.

Then we still had an hour or so to drive home after that. David was hungry and wanted to stop at McDonald's, but we quickly found out that Indiana is not like Dallas. Not many things are open 24 hours. So we pulled in to our driveway around 2:30 in the morning. Just in time for the grand tour! The house didn't look the same as I left it 3 weeks prior, and David hadn't seen it at all since we looked at it for the first time back on July 20th, when it was filled to the brim with stuff everywhere and the walls looked like a clown had thrown up inside. 

When I left, we had absolutely everything in the living room. Mike and I had been painting the spare bedroom so we could at least sleep and have our stuff in a more private location when people came over to help work on the house. We had two fireplace looking heaters that kept us pretty warm at night. We had plywood sitting on the counters for a makeshift countertop. The sink was hooked up enough to use with a 5 gallon bucket underneath, so you had to use the water sparingly and make sure you emptied the bucket outside often before it got too heavy and ended up splashing all over the place. We had a microwave, stove, and oven, but none were hooked up yet, so I did all my cooking with an electric skillet or a crockpot. The other two bedrooms were completely unusable and shut off at all times. The basement wall was 3/4 of the way done, probably. I will not say that I was at all disappointed to stay in a finished house for awhile in Texas. 

I knew that Mike worked non-stop while I was gone (except for a couple times to celebrate his birthday with family), but he wouldn't show me pictures or tell me anything he was doing. He didn't want me to have any opportunity to set myself up for something and then be disappointed, and he just wanted me to be surprised. He did warn me, though, that I was still coming home to a lot of unfinished, still-in-process projects. 

My new countertops, and flowers and a candle that Chrissy's mom left for me after working for several days at the house. 
The one and only closet in the house for now that Mike worked super hard to completely redo with new drywall and everything. Now we all three are sharing it. 
One of the heaters in the room (which actually keeps it quite toasty), a new door, new trim around the door, and freshly painted walls (painted paneling, actually) with a toasted almond color that I picked out. 
A new little cabinet/counter that Chrissy's dad built for us to fill in the space between the stove and the wall. It's just not set in yet. 
The stove and microwave are hooked up now, but the propane tank is still empty, so I still can't use the stove or oven. But, hey, the microwave is a big step up from where we were. 
My sink is fully functional now, as well as the garbage disposal. 
Chrissy's dad removed the built in cutting board and made me a new one. (He's very crafty with any wood-working task).
The spare bedroom walls (painted paneling). Mike and I took the spare room for now, and David took the mattress in the living room so he can stay up later than me. 

The doorway they framed/built between the other two bedrooms, making it a doorway from the master bedroom into what will be the master bath and large walk-in closet. 
A new window in the master bedroom.
A now bigger master bedroom (after they extended the wall 19 inches, plus they put in a new door. Mike hoped so badly to finish this room and get our bed here from storage before we got back, but he just ran out of time. It will be done soon enough, though. 

An elongated living room (with an 18 inch longer wall, a freshly painted wall, a fully-functional woodburning stove, a red-brick platform, some firewood outside, and a new electric-reclining leather couch (that we found on market place and picked up Saturday night). 
We also got our table from storage, so it will be nice to eat our dinners as a family at the table rather than on plastic trays in the living room. 
A room ready for the foam insulation guy to come insulate it so it won't be so chilly in there! (It's been in the teens and 20's at night the last few days!)
After the grand tour, I fell immediately asleep, only to wake up super early to two cats who wanted fed and a lot of snow falling. A few hours later, I went out to get a massive amount of groceries, came home and took a long nap before we went back out to go pick up a couch.
Sunday we went to church, went out to eat, went to storage to get our table and some cubbies to store our clothes, went to New Song to do laundry, and went to Matt and Chrissy's for dinner and to watch the Cowboys' game. Monday and Tuesday I took David to work with me, and Wednesday he went to work with Mike. Somehow he turned 21 overnight, so we went out for dinner at Chili's after work (while it snowed for his birthday), and then we went to see Black Panther--Wakonda Forever, a Marvel movie that had just come out a few days earlier. Surprisingly, it looked like we had the whole theater to ourselves (except for the 6 people that trickled in right before it started). 




Not the 21st birthday party he envisioned, but it warmed my heart to spend it with him. Even Matt and Chrissy couldn't join us because all their kids got sick. But we'll get a cake and have a postponed celebration with them later. 

Blessings I never could have seen coming

David breaking both of his arms and getting wheeled straight into surgery definitely wasn't on anyone's radar. We all dove into this new chapter of life courageously, each of us looking forward to the adventure ahead. Mike and I looked forward to the experience of an empty nest and the ability to both do what we love and what energizes us. Juan looked forward to having his own space to decorate in his own way and not living on anyone else's schedule for the first time. David looked forward to increased independence to match his independent spirit. That's not to say we all didn't have to swallow something hard in seeing our family spread out, but these are the things we looked forward to experiencing over the next year or so. 

But not even four months into this new season, and the adventure scene looks quite differently than any of us ever dreamed. Our empty nest is soon to be full again with a very independent young adult son having to depend on us for most of his needs over the next two months. Juan's apartment is coming together very slowly, though I will give him credit for sticking to his desire and making it exactly like he wants it. That takes determination and patience that a lot of guys his age don't have. I admire him for it, actually. And David, well, he's super thankful to have his elbows back now that they gave him smaller casts and he's able to use his fingers a little more now, but he's still not too thrilled about this huge interruption to his junior year, his social life, all his canceled plans, and most certainly his upcoming 21st birthday less than a week away. Instead of experiencing prime independence, he'll spend it a thousand miles away from his friends and housemates, with his parents (and other family that will be thrilled to see him and love on him), and will need help to cut his steak that we'll have to order from his favorite restaurant to take home and eat. 

But, alas, it's time for me to go home and taking him with me is really the only option that makes sense at this point. He can't go back to school this semester, and his needs are too many and too personal to leave him with anyone else. 

So tomorrow evening we will attempt traveling by plane together back to Indianapolis. I ordered his ticket with a note that he'll need special assistance. We'll need to get there pretty early to ask for any assistance they can give and hopefully get to board early, but thankfully the flight is only two hours. At least he has his elbows and can sit a little bit more comfortably than he could the last two weeks. 

While it's been super nice having this unexpected "break" and ability to see family and friends that I didn't think I'd see again for quite a while yet, I'm anxious to get back to my husband, my kitties, Mike's family that I'm growing closer to every day, my new job, my New Song family (and yes, that's really what it feels like at New Song), and my new community that I've been building little by little. As much as I've loved being back in Texas for the last three weeks almost, I know it's not home. I'm a guest here now, as my home and my classroom now belong to someone else. 

I think being here has made me realize that, as much as home hasn't really existed over the last four months because I've had no place to settle in, home is where my husband is. And I know he's been working doubly hard while I've been gone to make our home a cozy place to finally start to settle in. He's only given me a couple sneak peek pictures, so I am super excited to see what all he's done. 

Here are some pics in random order of some fun and memorable adventures we've had here, despite the double broken arms. 

Corn dogs from a place called Two Hands, something David doesn't really have right now. The corn dogs were good, though!
Some good food from Raising Cane's. Been missing it in Indiana!
Watching church online on a big screen!
David's first time getting dressed up to go to church a week after he got out of the hospital.
Attending service at Lake Pointe Firewheel, where we attended and served for 12 years--pretty much for all of David's school years. That pastor up front started as a youth intern when David was in sixth grade, moved up to be the youth pastor, then moved up to be the campus pastor, and he's now someone David considers a very close friend and mentor. Love that guy. 
David determined to find a way to communicate with his friends
Driving by my old house, knowing somebody else owns it now

Celebrating my boys' birthday month with them
A friend brought us coffees, and said, "Merry Christmas!" Lol. Starbucks, it's too early for that, especially if Pumpkin Spice is still on the menu. 
Two new fall shirts (funny how fall weather is just starting to come around here, while winter is pushing in pretty quickly in Indiana already)
There are not words to describe the blessing to be able to spend the day (and two more) with this friend
Visiting our favorite coffee shop, though I'm not sure I like the way it's been repainted and redecorated now that it changed hands in management.
You know you're staying with a good friend when you find your own books tucked away in her library, the room where I'm staying. 



A visit from Uncle Matt and Sam
A visit from a high school buddy from church
With a really sweet gift basket filled with our favorite treats
Getting to celebrate Juan David's 25th birthday




Juan David got to play a virtual reality game at our friends' house

Which let him take a virtual reality visit to Colombia
to the market on Monserrate

to the park where he used to play soccer
to the streets he grew up on
to the different houses in his orphanage







and even to our new house in Columbus, Indiana
David getting the first splints removed for x-rays

Seeing the pins for the first time made him pretty nauseous

Getting the stitches out from the surgery where they put the plates in both of his arms

Getting new casts, BELOW the elbows this time!


All set


Twin teachers with matching shirts!
David's last night out with his buddies
I got to go to my ReEngage group, visit Bullock Elementary to specifically see two very special friends that I've stayed in touch with, watch one of my toughest students from last year literally run as fast as he could down the hallway to give me one of the most endearing hugs I've ever gotten from a student, go out for coffee with my bestie, visit twice with another close friend, have lunch twice with my parents and spend a few other times with my mom, visit with my brother and sister-in-law, go to DBU twice, go to my favorite bookstore, and spend a lot of good, quality time with my son. Everything I've needed has been provided while we've been here. Yes, we'll have a lot of medical bills coming in, but God has made it obvious that He's always ahead of us, preparing a way. It's all been a huge blessing that I never could have asked for. 
But now I'm ready to get back to these two guys, 
Mike and Boots (and Spaz, who didn't get in the picture)


and the rest of the Alspaugh family, who happen to be standing in front of our new church, Terrace Lake Church (that we call Mini LakePointe), where we hope to build relationships as real and as deep as the ones we have here.

Seize the moment

It's funny how situations like these and emergencies happen that remind us to seize the moment at hand. I mean, you truly never know what's coming around the corner. Another mundane day, a huge blessing, a big loss or disappointment, or some kind of emergency that throws all plans up into the air. Some people thrive on spontaneity. Others can go with the flow, but don't necessarily like it, while others have such a deep need for control that a change in the normal plan or routine throws them into a tailspin or freezes them on the spot. I'm not quite sure where I fit on that line, other than that I don't thrive on spontaneity. I can go with the flow, as long as I have a chance to process any changes thrown at me. I'm like the GPS voice who takes a moment to say, "Recalculating," before giving new directions. 

David's accident has definitely been one that has my brain constantly recalculating, trying to find my bearings and figure out where I am. I thought I had plans, but apparently God has me in a stage of life where I'm just supposed to live day by day, moment by moment, and let Him order my steps. Just when I was starting to settle into my new life, accept being so far away from my sons and my family, make new friends, join new groups, put events on my calendar, and actually learn my way around, I got thrust right back to Texas to connect once again with all the people I just left not too long ago. I haven't even been gone for four months yet, so in some way it feels like I only went on a long trip, while at the same time, I know I don't belong here anymore. Too many new things are missing here, like my new job and coworkers, my new church, the peacefulness of the country, and all of our family there. 

It's such an odd feeling to be here. But for some reason, God brought me back for a couple weeks and took me away from my new normal. I missed the last night of our women's Bible study, when I had planned to give a card to the leader to thank her and let her know how much I appreciated her leadership. The next study won't be till February or March. I missed our third night in our new community group that we just joined. And this week I'm missing the membership meeting and lunch at our new church that we signed up for over a month ago and had on our calendar. I missed being fully present with the ladies during dinner at the Mom's retreat because I was so focused on getting information about David during his surgery. I missed meeting two sets of prospective houseparents that came onto campus at New Song, the ones I have been praying about daily since before I moved there. I missed my last meeting with my mentee before she left to spend some time overseas. I missed my husband's birthday, the first one in a long time that he got to spend with his own family instead of mine. And I missed taking my virtual student on a field trip the last two weeks with my awesome teammate. 

But I DO get the chance to celebrate both of my boys' milestone birthdays (21 and 25) in close proximity to them, when I thought I'd be a thousand miles away for both of them--and had actually just commented to my new friends about how sad I was to miss them. I DO get to reconnect with people that I love and with people that I never got the chance to say goodbye to. I DO get to be in town for a few days to feel closer to my dear friend going through cancer and grieving all at the same time. I DO have some extra time on my hands to read, write, journal, and color (though my hands and time are pretty full right now with taking care of David's every need, so that extra time is a bit choppy and interrupted). I DO get to spend a LOT of time with my precious son, whose independent spirit often keeps me at an arm's length. I DO get to spend a little extra time with my mom who can visit easily because she's only a few minutes down the road from where we are staying. I DO get to visit the church where we raised David that I hadn't been back to visit since COVID because we switched to the main campus. I DO get to drive around and actually know my way around for a few days. I DO get to be blessed by our church family in this time of unexpected need. I DO get to watch God take care of us by prompting others to love on us. I DO get to receive love and support from double the friends and family now that we have a foot in two places with closer relationships (both relationally and in proximity) with Mike's side of the family.  I DO have a lot of time and space to think and reflect. I DO get to be excited about all the work and advancements Mike has made on the house so that it can finally start to feel like home when I get back. 

A friend shared a game changer with me early in the summer that has made such an incredible difference in my reaction to life--to ask God to help me be open to HIS agenda for my day. I'm not saying I don't make plans because planning is good stewardship of our time, but when my plans get interrupted, I'm reminded to seize the moment as one planned and orchestrated by God. 

My friend suggested I get outside and walk to get some alone time. So I found a new walking route. :) It's a great way to start my day. 
Glad I grabbed this to put in my backpack for the flight because I've colored a lot since I got here. Great stress reliever and a good way to process my thoughts. 

First visitor out of the hospital

More visitors


Lots of goodies
McAllister's sweet tea
A friend I wasn't able to say goodbye to, but then again, it will never be goodbye. We're friends for life. She knew about New Song before anyone else and prayed me through the whole thing. 
Dinner from his college buddy that was riding with him on that fateful day

Goodies from my mom


Snacks left for David on the doorstep late at night from an old buddy he literally grew up with

LakePointe Firewheel Church

Partaking of the new prayer ministry

Watching the Cowboys' game together

A visit from a dear friend from ReEngage


Great shirts to borrow while I'm here since I only packed for a few days

Being here for both of my sons' birthday month

Long time friends for life

How did I get here?

Have you ever woken up and wondered where you were and how you got there? I've been feeling that way for about five months now, with a deep longing for a sense of home that doesn't exist. 

When Mike's dad died and he spent three full weeks with his family, his longing to move back to Indiana and be with them was just the start of home no longer feeling like home. I could sense a joy within him (despite the loss of his dad) that I hadn't seen in a long time when he was with his family, and though he came home in January with a bunch of his dad's tools, clothes, and belongings, I could tell he wasn't "at home" anymore. 

Once I experienced New Song over spring break, the serenity and beauty of the campus and the ministry began to beckon me "home", though the thought of leaving Texas, my boys, and my family left me torn. But soon that beckoning call for both of us had us cleaning up a house we no longer felt at home in and putting it on the market for a few days before it sold. Once your house is on the market, it's just not home anymore, anyway. 

And somehow in those few days of already feeling displaced in my own house, I found myself waking up two consecutive mornings in a hospital because my own little cat bit me when I tried to rescue him from a freak accident. Little did I know that was just the start of a long stretch of waking up wondering where I was and how I got there. 

Since that short hospital stay, I've woken up on the floor in my son's bedroom in Garland, TX the morning of the day we finally moved out of the house, in a hotel room in Hope, Arkansas the next morning (with two terrified little cats), on a cot in my brother-in-law's basement in Columbus, Indiana (with my mother-in-law on a cot beside me), in a camper sitting outside his house the following morning, in the same camper sitting on New Song's campus in Freeport, IN for the next few weeks until the AC broke, in a large room/suite at the main campus house at New Song (right above my new classroom) for the next month or so, back in the camper again in Columbus, IN on a large piece of wooded property sitting behind an old house that needed extensive work inside with a large campfire to the side burning brush and trash non-stop for weeks, then in the living room inside that old house (because of below freezing temps outside) without a working kitchen or furnace, but with two fireplace heaters keeping it nice and cozy inside, and suddenly in a spare bedroom at my friend's house back in Texas for the last week and two more ahead, while taking care of my very independent son's every need as he spends most of his time in a bedroom down the hall here at my friend's house. 

Cleaning up and clearing the side yard, which used to be an overgrown horse pasture

The top of the property 
The construction crew, always hard at work, working amazingly well togetherSo thankful for all of them and their skills
(My home away from "home" in my classroom at New Song. I mean, how could I not feel at home there? I am truly grateful to be there.)

So, yes, many mornings I wake up and wonder where I am and how in the world did I get here? I've been displaced since early June, and as much as I long to just go home already, home does not yet exist. (I feel the most at home when I am at work at New Song, which has felt like home since the moment I got there.) Mike and his brother are working as much as they can to remodel the old house we bought and clean up the 10 acre lot of land that had been neglected for quite awhile, so the feeling of home seems closer every day. But until I can hang my clothes in a closet, set my books on a bookshelf, hang a few pictures on the wall, and cook on my stove, I still don't feel like I'm home. And as thankful as I am to stay with a friend during my son's unexpected recovery and need for 24 hour assistance and reconnect with friends and family that come to visit, I long for home where I am in my own space and on my own schedule. But like I said, as much as I long for it, it doesn't yet fully exist. 

Boots looking out the new window Mike just installed last night. Making "home" one step closer.
So here I am, "home" with friends that are like family, with more family and friends just down the road, and my husband, my kitties, my New Song family, and the rest of my family (and a few new friends) a thousand miles away. Every time I think home is just around the corner, God uproots me again. It's a strange journey He has me on, perhaps a reminder that we're not supposed to be at home here in this world, that we should constantly be longing for our home with Him. 

No matter where I am, home or not, my physical needs are always met. Having just sent the ladies from the Mom's retreat out on a prayer walk to get to know Jehovah Ra'ah more personally, I think my Shepherd is calling me to lean into Him more, as well. Not being at home definitely makes us more dependent on someone else to take care of us. I spent last Saturday morning walking around New Song's campus praying these actual prayers, along with prayers for the ladies who would be praying them a few hours later. All while my son rode the trails in McKinney, Texas, not knowing the accident just about to happen. Even still, God was preparing me to know I could trust Him to take care of our every need, just as He has. At this point, I have no idea what the doctor is going to say or do at his next appointment, nor do I know how to best transport David back to Indiana with me if that's our best option, but God has a plan that He will unfold when I need to make that decision.

Looks like it's time for another walk. Want to join me this time?

A walk with Jehovah Ra'ah

Psalm 23:1. The Lord is my shepherd; 
    I have all that I need. 

Jehovah Ra’ah, thank you for being my Shepherd, for always guiding me when I don’t know what to do or where to turn. Thank you for providing for my needs in ways that I don’t ever expect or even deserve. Thank you for even providing things that I just want and maybe don’t always need. Thank you for:   ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for guiding and taking care of my family, especially my children. Thank you for providing for our physical needs, our financial needs, our emotional needs, and today for my spiritual need. Please help me to remember David caring for the needs of each one of his sheep to remind me that You are caring for me in the same way.  

 

Psalm 23:2 He lets me rest in green meadows; 
    he leads me beside peaceful streams. 

Jehovah Ra'ah, thank you for bringing me to green meadows today, for giving me a few moments of rest and rejuvenation. When times are hard, may I not forget the times I have seen you provide. Help me to start recording all I am thankful for so that I see that the grass is green on my side, too, especially when You are on my side. Thank you for:   ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for leading me to peaceful waters here at New Song today, for letting me have a few moments to soak in the quiet tranquility of this environment. Help me to look for other moments of stillness in my life and to thank You for them.

  

Psalm 23:3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, 
    bringing honor to his name. 

Jehovah Ra’ah, thank you for times of peace and tranquility to recharge and renew my strength. When I keep pushing through exhaustion, I can’t think clearly and don’t always make the wisest of decisions or produce the best work that I can. Thank you for this special time today to fill up spiritually. Thank you for guiding me down the right path when I often don’t know which path to take. Thank you for guiding me here today. Thank you for helping me make important decisions in life. Every decision comes with good and bad, but when I follow Your guidance, I know that my choice will possibly help point someone to You. Leading someone closer to You makes the hardship I am going through worth the struggle. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Help me to honor You, even on a difficult path that I may wish I wasn’t on. 

 

Psalm 23:4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.  

Jehovah Ra’ah, you know I’ve got some struggles in my life right now. I’m walking down some dark roads and am searching for the light. It seems like I go from one dark valley straight into another one, like the time when:  ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I tend to be fearful, to worry, and to panic when things are dark. Help me to envision you, my Shepherd, walking with me, guiding me through it. Your rod is there to help You protect me, to fight off the enemy coming toward me. Your staff is there to pull me back toward you when I start to go the wrong way because I can’t see ahead like You can. The next time I feel overwhelmed because I can’t see the light, remind me to picture You walking right beside me with both Your rod and Your staff in Your hand.  

Psalm 23:5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. 
You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. 

Jehovah Ra’ah, even in the valley, You prepare a feast and invite me to dine with You. You spend time with me at the table and make the enemy watch. You make it known that I am your daughter and that You are taking care of me. Every time I sit at the table to eat with my family, help me to remember that You are sitting there with us and that You provided everything we needed for that meal together.   

You anoint my head with oil. You show me honor and set me apart for a divine purpose. As the oil pours over me, my cup runs over. Your constant care and protection of me is so abundant that it spills out onto those around me, including my children and family.   

 

Psalm 23:6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. 

Jehovah Ra’ah, when I make the decision to look for You in my life, I find You everywhere. Your lovingkindness doesn’t just follow me, it chases after me. Sometimes I just get so busy that I forget to look, and I miss the ways You tried to show Your love to me. Please open my eyes today and every day to see the ways that You demonstrate love to me.   

I know I will meet You in heaven if I have accepted You as my Savior so I can dwell with You in Your house forever. But I also know that the beautiful nature all around me speaks of Your creativity. Every time I see a pretty flower, a peaceful sunset, or hear a bird sing a beautiful tune, remind me that You created this earthly house for me to dwell in with You until the day You take me to heaven. The earth is Yours and everything in it. Your creation speaks constantly of Your presence right here, right now. 

Time of gratitude, reflection, and supplication 

Jehovah Ra’ah, thank You for all the ways that You guide me. Thank you for providing for my needs, for blessing me, for giving me times of rest and refreshment, for helping me choose the right path, for using my experiences to draw others to You, for walking beside me and protecting me from harm, for drawing me back when I go the wrong way.  Thank you for dining with me, Your daughter, for honoring me, and for pouring out so much love on me that it touches everyone around me, too. Thank you for Your constant displays of lovingkindness that are always there if I just take the time to look for them.  

 I once again entrust my burdens into Your care and trust You to carry them for me.   

Thank you for allowing me to spend some time with You today outside in your beautiful creation, a time for You to remind me just how much You love me and take care of me every single day.  

24 hours later

All the prayer walk stations were marked with a pumpkin



The hot chocolate/cider bar (and was that cider good!) Craft time Cooking demonstration time Parenting tips time More craft time
Dinner prep Our giveaways Finished crafts
The Mom's Retreat was beautiful. Each woman felt deeply loved and ministered to in so many ways, including us, the two leading the retreat, and the volunteer mentor who drove some of the ladies and came to help. Those ladies came with a heart to love and be loved that also ministered to us in a very real way. We hope that retreat was just the first of many that we can host at New Song and expand the ministry's impact on the whole family, not just the kids that come to us. I wish we could have come back on Monday morning and celebrated together, but....

24 hours after my last post, I found myself on my way to the airport to take a one-way flight back to Dallas to take care of my son. Only minutes before I got up to give the devotional about praying Scriptures when we don't know how or what to pray, and then sending the ladies out on a prayer walk  with Jehovah Ra'ah around our beautiful, peaceful campus while praying Psalm 23 over their lives, my son, David, flew over the handlebars of his mountain bike back in Texas and broke both of his forearms and dislocated both of his wrists. An ambulance took him to the nearest hospital, where they took him into surgery pretty quickly to put plates in both of his arms and pins in both of his wrists. I didn't get to hear at all from David before they took him into surgery, but Mike and I kept getting calls and texts from his friends or our friends whose kids are his friends telling us what to expect when he came out of surgery. He would NOT be able to go back to school for the rest of the semester.  

Almost identical breaks in both arms. Not something they see often. 

I contacted Juan and had him head straight to the hospital so he'd have family there, then my closest friend whose daughter also headed there quickly, and I contacted our old Life Group to let them know David was headed straight into a 3-5 hour surgery. (I also called my parents to let them know so they could pray and contact the rest of the family.) A friend in the Life Group read my text and headed to the hospital immediately, joining David's friend from DBU and a church friend that showed up. Later Juan arrived, then two more college friends that also grew up with him at Lake Pointe Church, and then his youth pastor from Lake Pointe (now the campus pastor). When he arrived, he said it felt like the whole gang was back together. By the time David came out of surgery and recovery (after 8:00 that night), he had a whole team of support waiting there to see him and encourage him. David later told me, without his church family, he would have woken up to two people, the friend that was riding bike with him and his brother. (The rest of my family in town was able to make it the following day.)

The gang waiting for him when he woke up.  My friend who went straight to the hospital and stayed the whole time until I could get there (also the one who is letting us stay in her house). 
Together with my boys again
The Kloppmann gang coming to visit on Sunday

As David was in surgery, Juan and my two friends kept texting me saying how much care he was going to need to take care of all of his basic needs. I knew I needed to get to Dallas as soon as possible. So Mike booked me a ticket to leave first thing the next morning, and I arranged for Juan to pick me up. Juan also ended up staying the night with David in the hospital to help him out. My friend who stayed through the surgery and recovery time that night showed back up at 8:00 the next morning to be there with David while Juan left to pick me up, and then she filled me in on everything she learned from the doctors the night before. After she left, David had two more friends come to visit, along with his grandparents, aunt, uncle (who's had his own share of biking accidents and injuries), and cousins. Shortly after they all left, they discharged David to leave with the support of family rather than send him to rehab for a few days.  

Basically, he can't take care of ANY of his needs on his own for the next ten weeks. To ask a friend or family member to take care of him is a huge burden. But to get him back to Indiana with me is just as complicated. The surgeon said he can't fly for at least two weeks, and truthfully, he can't fit into an airplane seat anyway with two broken arms splinted from his finger tips to above his elbows. A thirteen hour drive would be too much stress and jostling around, not good at all for healing, either. Plus he needs to go back for a follow up with the surgeon on November 8th and can't go anywhere before that. But neither my parents nor my brother's houses are equipped to support me and David together, or even just David. And I, obviously, no longer have a home here. 

Thankfully, my friend who spent the most time at the hospital with me offered us a place to stay at her home, and we have been equipped with all we need--and are as comfortable as can be expected. We're situated pretty much right in the middle between my parents and my brother, too, so that's nice to know they're so close. Friends and family have already stopped by to visit, with more saying they'll be coming soon. 

His old youth pastor came and brought breakfast and prayed over him. He's been one of David's mentors/heroes since he was in sixth grade and is now the campus pastor. The relationship he built with David over the years is priceless. In fact, he's the one who introduced us to DBU!

David's nurse that gave him allergy shots twice a week when he was four all the way till he was nine. We've stayed close to her all these years, and she didn't hesitate at all to come see him once she heard the news. She said she'll be back to visit again. :)
A buddy from youth group that he's stayed close to in college

An Ecuadorian friend I used to be in a small group who I met when the first adoption failed
She brought us a whole Chinese buffet, so much that I invited Juan to come eat with us again the following night. 
A gallon of sweet tea his friend brought from where he works.
Our old small group, well, at least the ladies of that small group
So, while we figure out how to keep the pain managed and keep him comfortable, and communicate back and forth with DBU to find out how to not lose all the work he already put into this semester, we're staying put for a couple weeks to see how this is all going to play out. God's definitely not surprised and knew this was coming, and we can already see how he prepared ways to provide for us way ahead of time. Including the fact that He hasn't provided the houseparents at New Song that we prayed so specifically for them to come before October 17th. Between sickness hitting the campus that week and then this with David, now we can see why God didn't think it was time for our students to come on campus yet. I'm so thankful for the flexibility right now to be able to care for my son and not have to hire someone else to do what a Mom can do better. My days now are spent caring for his every need, including bathing, feeding, medicating, brushing his hair and teeth, scratching his itches, and even giving him shots. I rotate ice packs, situate pillows, answer his texts, e-mails, and phone calls, and just hang out 24/7 with my son, who has been an amazing trooper through all of this so far. It's giving us a lot of time to just talk, and for that, I'm thankful because I sure have missed him. I'm tired, but I wouldn't trade this time and this blessing to be able to be there for him. 

Mom's Retreat at New Song --A Day of Renewal

Today marks a new beginning of ministry impact at New Song Mission as we partner with Family Hope to bring a day of rest and spiritual renewal for Moms. Many of these moms have already sent their kids to a week of Adventure Camp at New Song over the last few summers, and several of them have their kids on the wait list to live on campus and attend New Song Leadership Academy as soon as God brings us the right houseparents to complete our team here. (Please continue to pray for God to fill those two positions for us and to pray for the couples who are praying about the logistics of being able to answer that call to this unique ministry.)

We've had some sickness hit our small campus this week, but my amazing teammate (Julie) and I have worked together to set everything up, decorate, and prepare what we hope to be a restful day for the moms who are coming from over an hour away to be part of this retreat. Our agenda for the day includes a time of fellowship with hot chocolate and hot cider/wassail, a neat cooking demonstration using a crockpot that will be cooking during the day along with a few nutritional and budgeting tips, a devotional and a prayer walk for the ladies to have some sacred time with God while out on our beautiful campus (we're so thankful for the gorgeous weather today after starting the week with snow!), a quick craft time, some parenting tips and advice, and then dinner together as we partake of the soup that's been simmering in the crockpot during the day. Each mom will go home with some goodies to remind them often of our day together, including a new crockpot and a coloring devotional. We're so excited to offer this retreat and minister to these moms before many of their children come to live on campus and attend school with us. Julie and I love how we are getting a chance to minister to the whole family, not just the child. 

Here are a few pics to show what awaits these moms who will be leaving their homes in just a couple hours to head this way:

We actually made quite a few more changes and enhancements since we took those pictures, including Julie's amazing talent at setting up the hot chocolate/cider bar. (She grew up with four sisters, so she's had a lot of experience decorating for bridal showers, etc.). After not having students on campus the last nine weeks and still experiencing yet another delay, this retreat gave us a new motivation, and we're super excited about it. Please be in prayer for these moms to truly feel renewed spiritually, mentally, and even physically today (that is, until they realize how much walking they'll need to do for the prayer walk all over the campus!)
I truly can't think of a better place for a retreat than on our beautiful, peaceful campus, especially with all of the fall colors surrounding us right now. 

New obsession with Fall

I've always been a spring girl, waiting anxiously for the first blooms of the season.  I can't say I really know much about flowers, how to plant them, care for them, or even when to expect them to appear. Rather than a green thumb, I think I got a black thumb. I love looking at them, though, and will frequent any nearby nature trail to soak them in and appreciate them. 

I think my beloved spring may have some competition now that I live right on the border of Brown County, Indiana. After experiencing my first fall here over the last few weeks, I have a whole new appreciation for trees and their amazing variety of leaves and colors. Driving to and from work just fills me with awe of God's creativity. I find myself longing for them to stay as long as possible.

The colors are especially beautiful when you get a random, unexpected blanket of snow early one morning. 




Entering the New Song campus
My side yard


Pictures don't do this lookout area any good. 




I love this tree--JD. Juan said, "Hey, is that my tree?"
Just a nice afternoon walk after school one day on my road.

My latest craft. Have had these for years and never painted them. I finally felt inspired to paint them here now that I've experienced a true autumn.