Laura Susan Johnson's Blog, page 4
April 2, 2015
The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist part II
1.) For my first song on the Bright dream soundtrack playlist, I chose "Get Out Of My House" Kate Bush, from the Dreaming (1982). Rumours abound that Bush wrote this song about her impressions of The Shining, both the Stephen King novel and the Stanley Kubric film. As with that film, this song is about unwelcome presences in someone's place of refuge. I think this is the most amazing example of a singer with a beautiful voice refusing to constantly paint a perfect universe of ballads and breakups around herself. Bush makes Mariah Carey look pitiful to be honest. Bush can sing, and nobody sounds like her. She's experimental, not afraid to try strange things, like surrounding her beautiful vocals with cheeky French comments about being "the concierge, chez moi, honey...won't let you in for love nor money...my home, my joy are barred and bolted..." with slow-mo'd "Won't let you in!" and and then the enraged wail, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" This is Walter, finally fed up with Helena's reign of terror. When Helena boldly marches into Walter's home, accompanied by Dove and Pastor Hughes, after Walter firmly asked her not to return, she arrogantly announces that Walter is going to be prayed for and healed. At this point in the story, Walter has gotten past fed up with Helena's hatred, intolerance and domineering attitude. She's ruined his life as much as she can ruin it and she still wants to launch another attack. The lyrics are Walter: "This house is full of my mess...madness...mistakes!" and "I clean the stains." Natalie frantically tries to get the police on her phone, and Monty arrives home just in time to witness the horrific scene of Helena beating and choking Walter. But Walter's not going down without a fight. He has arrived, finally turning into the strong, stubborn mule, "Eeehhhh Awwwwww!!!! Eeeeeee Awwwwww!!!" Genius...pure genius.
2.) "The End Of Time" by Stendhal Syndrome from Blinding Lights (2010). I believe there are more than one bands with this name, but I am a huge American fan of the triphop/electronic duo from Barcelona, Adri and Alfred, who use visual artist Alba Corral during their concerts. The moment I heard The End Of Time, I knew it was the love theme of Monty and Walter. "The world may turn dark but I'll be by your side...make everything bright, make sure you will smile..." Many of the songs for this book's playlist ended up being about brightness and light, and about darkness and shadows, and about how you can't assume brightness always represents goodness and will always lead you into the right direction. The song's vocals and instrumentation intrigues me to this day. It begins with a piano cue, but quickly turns "snowy" "cold" "metallic" "wintry". Sometimes its robotic synthesizers make me think of the first Terminator movie soundtrack by Brad Fiedel. Metallic, yet the melody and lyrics are so passionate and tender.
3.) "Ghosts" by Ladytron, from 2008's Velocifero. Named after the infamous Roxy Music/Brian Eno anthem, Ladytron magically concocted an incredibly sexy song, reminiscent of some of Goldfrapp's saucy numbers. I especially loved the reference to El-ahrairah, the mythical hero of the rabbit universe of Watership Down. The lyric brought to mind Monty, whose arrival in peaceful, pokey old Bannock Valley throws order into chaos. "I made you a Prince with a Thousand Enemies." IOW, Walter had been able to hide, to lay low, to not be picked on by too many people except for the ever so charming Helena, but with the appearance of the irresistable Monty into his life and the discovery of his sexuality, things would never be "relatively easy" for Walter ever again. Monty might want to say he's sorry for bringing Walter out of his shell, but truthfully, he's not sorry. He wants Walter to live a full, happy, free life away from Helena's oppression. This is the kind of song I can easily imagine Monty and Walter playing kinky bedroom games to as well ;)
4.) "Breathe" by Telepopmusik from Genetic World (2001) is a pleasant, catchy, though downtempo dance track that seems to be telling the listener to just live each day, just breathe, just be as happy as you can be. How one character is "used to it by now", which is to say, he knows he's dying and he's fighting not to live in fear every moment of his life. This makes a good song for the scene where Walter has gotten sick not long after the wedding and he has an honest discussion with Monty about disease process and death, and how even the sick need someone to love them.
5.) "Abracadabra" by the Brown Eyed Girls, from 2009's Sound G. This exuberant yet unnervingly wicked dance number is one of the most popular KPop songs heard worldwide. I love its beat, its melody. Admittedly, it's mostly sung in Korean, but the music video's themes surround a maltreated woman who wants out of the relationship. The video is colorful and fun, and I love the evolution of the oppressed woman into a sure and strong individual whose life may be taking a new and exciting direction.
6.) "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, from their debut 1973 album. This classic song has been used a lot. I think Forrest Gump was just one of the films/TV shows this song is used in. I picked it out for the moment when Monty's boyfriend in Boise dumps him. Indignantly, he packs his belongings and sets out for Las Vegas. The kindness and "regret" in the lyrics are, for Monty, sarcasm. He'd just as soon throw eggs at his ex's house as sing him a song of sad farewell. I once thought of using "Call Me The Breeze" for this scene, but I think "Free Bird" has a funny irony to it, plus I love it a lot more.
7.) "Frail (You Might As Well Be Me") by The Gathering, from How To Measure A Planet? (1998) This song has a rare capability to reach down with its mysterious melody and gentle lyrics to the depths of the soul. This is the song in which Walter decides to give his virginity to Monty. There is a need for animal comfort in both of them when they talk about the things that torment them most as they wash up and prepare to dress for Jerome's funeral. One word that seems to come to mind for this song is "precious."
8.) "Hun Jord" by Sigur Ros, from their 1997 debut "Von" (Hope). Hun Jord or Hun Joro (I am not sure if this is correct Islensku) means "Mother Earth". As there are Native American spiritual themes in Bright, I thought Hun Jord was a very appropriate song to use during the long, horrible five-week nightmare Walter had to endure. A simple incident involving a pivot sprinkler...you get a splash or gush into your face. So what? You do inside and wash off, right? But Walter, a contact lens wearer, learns a brutal lesson as an infection first attacks his eyes, then invades his lungs and sinuses, and then a second infection ravages his heart and the rest of his body. "Hun Jord" is a song of prayer, but its looming darkness provides no comfort.
9.) "Trials of the Past" by SBTRKT feat. Sampha, from the 2011 album SBTRKT. This is such a sad song, filled with regret, fear, and hopelessness at times. Monty has burdens in his soul. He blames himself for the deaths of 3 people. He misses his parents even though they do not accept or respect him. Walter's beloved mother died too young. He still wears a gold bracelet she owned. He is paralyzed with fear, for now the only mother he has to look to is killing him with hopelessness. In this moment, Monty finally understands that he and Walter are the same, afraid of 2 venomous, destructive women whom no one has ever stood up to before. The lyrics are so spot on...Holding in the pain and discussing it with no one. Doing things for others and questioning nothing. Being haunted by "ghosts of the past". Going with the flow without knowing what one wants.
10.) "Remember Who You Are" by Team Dresch, from Captain, My Captain (1995). Good ol' solid queercore riot grrl music. Though its lyrics sail way over Walter's head at tims, he loves sharing this defiant feminism with his friend Ruby as they stuggle to understand WHY they continue to attend a church that is offering them nothing. They begin to rebel, quietly at first, reminding themselves that a person must question things and make decisions of their own instead of blindly following the masses.
Part III of the Bright Dream Soundtrack/Playlist later on! Night night!
2.) "The End Of Time" by Stendhal Syndrome from Blinding Lights (2010). I believe there are more than one bands with this name, but I am a huge American fan of the triphop/electronic duo from Barcelona, Adri and Alfred, who use visual artist Alba Corral during their concerts. The moment I heard The End Of Time, I knew it was the love theme of Monty and Walter. "The world may turn dark but I'll be by your side...make everything bright, make sure you will smile..." Many of the songs for this book's playlist ended up being about brightness and light, and about darkness and shadows, and about how you can't assume brightness always represents goodness and will always lead you into the right direction. The song's vocals and instrumentation intrigues me to this day. It begins with a piano cue, but quickly turns "snowy" "cold" "metallic" "wintry". Sometimes its robotic synthesizers make me think of the first Terminator movie soundtrack by Brad Fiedel. Metallic, yet the melody and lyrics are so passionate and tender.
3.) "Ghosts" by Ladytron, from 2008's Velocifero. Named after the infamous Roxy Music/Brian Eno anthem, Ladytron magically concocted an incredibly sexy song, reminiscent of some of Goldfrapp's saucy numbers. I especially loved the reference to El-ahrairah, the mythical hero of the rabbit universe of Watership Down. The lyric brought to mind Monty, whose arrival in peaceful, pokey old Bannock Valley throws order into chaos. "I made you a Prince with a Thousand Enemies." IOW, Walter had been able to hide, to lay low, to not be picked on by too many people except for the ever so charming Helena, but with the appearance of the irresistable Monty into his life and the discovery of his sexuality, things would never be "relatively easy" for Walter ever again. Monty might want to say he's sorry for bringing Walter out of his shell, but truthfully, he's not sorry. He wants Walter to live a full, happy, free life away from Helena's oppression. This is the kind of song I can easily imagine Monty and Walter playing kinky bedroom games to as well ;)
4.) "Breathe" by Telepopmusik from Genetic World (2001) is a pleasant, catchy, though downtempo dance track that seems to be telling the listener to just live each day, just breathe, just be as happy as you can be. How one character is "used to it by now", which is to say, he knows he's dying and he's fighting not to live in fear every moment of his life. This makes a good song for the scene where Walter has gotten sick not long after the wedding and he has an honest discussion with Monty about disease process and death, and how even the sick need someone to love them.
5.) "Abracadabra" by the Brown Eyed Girls, from 2009's Sound G. This exuberant yet unnervingly wicked dance number is one of the most popular KPop songs heard worldwide. I love its beat, its melody. Admittedly, it's mostly sung in Korean, but the music video's themes surround a maltreated woman who wants out of the relationship. The video is colorful and fun, and I love the evolution of the oppressed woman into a sure and strong individual whose life may be taking a new and exciting direction.
6.) "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, from their debut 1973 album. This classic song has been used a lot. I think Forrest Gump was just one of the films/TV shows this song is used in. I picked it out for the moment when Monty's boyfriend in Boise dumps him. Indignantly, he packs his belongings and sets out for Las Vegas. The kindness and "regret" in the lyrics are, for Monty, sarcasm. He'd just as soon throw eggs at his ex's house as sing him a song of sad farewell. I once thought of using "Call Me The Breeze" for this scene, but I think "Free Bird" has a funny irony to it, plus I love it a lot more.
7.) "Frail (You Might As Well Be Me") by The Gathering, from How To Measure A Planet? (1998) This song has a rare capability to reach down with its mysterious melody and gentle lyrics to the depths of the soul. This is the song in which Walter decides to give his virginity to Monty. There is a need for animal comfort in both of them when they talk about the things that torment them most as they wash up and prepare to dress for Jerome's funeral. One word that seems to come to mind for this song is "precious."
8.) "Hun Jord" by Sigur Ros, from their 1997 debut "Von" (Hope). Hun Jord or Hun Joro (I am not sure if this is correct Islensku) means "Mother Earth". As there are Native American spiritual themes in Bright, I thought Hun Jord was a very appropriate song to use during the long, horrible five-week nightmare Walter had to endure. A simple incident involving a pivot sprinkler...you get a splash or gush into your face. So what? You do inside and wash off, right? But Walter, a contact lens wearer, learns a brutal lesson as an infection first attacks his eyes, then invades his lungs and sinuses, and then a second infection ravages his heart and the rest of his body. "Hun Jord" is a song of prayer, but its looming darkness provides no comfort.
9.) "Trials of the Past" by SBTRKT feat. Sampha, from the 2011 album SBTRKT. This is such a sad song, filled with regret, fear, and hopelessness at times. Monty has burdens in his soul. He blames himself for the deaths of 3 people. He misses his parents even though they do not accept or respect him. Walter's beloved mother died too young. He still wears a gold bracelet she owned. He is paralyzed with fear, for now the only mother he has to look to is killing him with hopelessness. In this moment, Monty finally understands that he and Walter are the same, afraid of 2 venomous, destructive women whom no one has ever stood up to before. The lyrics are so spot on...Holding in the pain and discussing it with no one. Doing things for others and questioning nothing. Being haunted by "ghosts of the past". Going with the flow without knowing what one wants.
10.) "Remember Who You Are" by Team Dresch, from Captain, My Captain (1995). Good ol' solid queercore riot grrl music. Though its lyrics sail way over Walter's head at tims, he loves sharing this defiant feminism with his friend Ruby as they stuggle to understand WHY they continue to attend a church that is offering them nothing. They begin to rebel, quietly at first, reminding themselves that a person must question things and make decisions of their own instead of blindly following the masses.
Part III of the Bright Dream Soundtrack/Playlist later on! Night night!
April 1, 2015
The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist, part I
"Crush" had a message about father-son relationships: Tammy and his father Mark Sellers; Jamie and a man he still does not know to truly be his biological father (this will be explained in future shorts/novels) a man named Andy; and of course, Jamie's (and in a less direct way) Tammy's relationship with Lloyd Tafford.
Bright has the message about mother-child relationships (because Natalie Mattheis's relationship with her mother Sharon is included here). It's almost a polar opposite of Crush. Monty has a bad relationship with Darius Montgomery at the first, but that changes drastically toward the end of the story. Walter has a good relationship with his father Jerome Yarbro, which strengthens further when Walter becomes blind and infirm, then it is all cruelly cut short. In constrast, Monty has never gotten on with his mother Lucienne Gilbert Montgomery, and while Walter has always loved and gotten along well with Jayne Yarbro, her life, too, is extinguished too young by cancer, and her replacement, a woman Jerome inexplicably falls for, becomes Walter's worst nightmare of a nemesis.
My UK editor and I have made some very wise decisions regarding the former cheating content of Bright. The cheating, which was always "mildly described" and never graphic, has been further tamed down to ideas and allusions rather than facts. Monty is TEMPTED to cheat because of his fears and frustrations, but does not. Walter BELIEVES Monty must be cheating, but it is Walter's insecurities that are the movtivating force behind these tragic misunderstandings and arguments. We agreed that with Walter's illnesses and disabilities, along with Monty's already shredded sense of self worth resulting from tragic accidents and family rejection, it's enough for anyone to have to deal with. There were also a great many "far-fetched" scenarios, such as obstetricians committing illegal acts without getting caught, certain birth control methods/poisons, and other things pertaining to miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, disposal of fetal/embryonic remains, and symbolic ceremonies paying respects to the dead. I am embarrassed about the amount of mistakes and presumptions I made. I got some wisdom not only from my editor, but from my wise and wonderful mother, who carried 2 beautiful children. I am, after all, an asexual, genderqueer person whose knowledge of such material is limited. Which is why I demand to be forgiven by the few readers who criticized me as "someone who has no idea how the male body works" when describing male orgasm. Ever heard of tantric sex? A man can "orgasm" several times without ejaculating. Look it up LOL
Sooo...on with the show...
Bright has the message about mother-child relationships (because Natalie Mattheis's relationship with her mother Sharon is included here). It's almost a polar opposite of Crush. Monty has a bad relationship with Darius Montgomery at the first, but that changes drastically toward the end of the story. Walter has a good relationship with his father Jerome Yarbro, which strengthens further when Walter becomes blind and infirm, then it is all cruelly cut short. In constrast, Monty has never gotten on with his mother Lucienne Gilbert Montgomery, and while Walter has always loved and gotten along well with Jayne Yarbro, her life, too, is extinguished too young by cancer, and her replacement, a woman Jerome inexplicably falls for, becomes Walter's worst nightmare of a nemesis.
My UK editor and I have made some very wise decisions regarding the former cheating content of Bright. The cheating, which was always "mildly described" and never graphic, has been further tamed down to ideas and allusions rather than facts. Monty is TEMPTED to cheat because of his fears and frustrations, but does not. Walter BELIEVES Monty must be cheating, but it is Walter's insecurities that are the movtivating force behind these tragic misunderstandings and arguments. We agreed that with Walter's illnesses and disabilities, along with Monty's already shredded sense of self worth resulting from tragic accidents and family rejection, it's enough for anyone to have to deal with. There were also a great many "far-fetched" scenarios, such as obstetricians committing illegal acts without getting caught, certain birth control methods/poisons, and other things pertaining to miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, disposal of fetal/embryonic remains, and symbolic ceremonies paying respects to the dead. I am embarrassed about the amount of mistakes and presumptions I made. I got some wisdom not only from my editor, but from my wise and wonderful mother, who carried 2 beautiful children. I am, after all, an asexual, genderqueer person whose knowledge of such material is limited. Which is why I demand to be forgiven by the few readers who criticized me as "someone who has no idea how the male body works" when describing male orgasm. Ever heard of tantric sex? A man can "orgasm" several times without ejaculating. Look it up LOL
Sooo...on with the show...
March 28, 2015
Before we begin the BRIGHT dream stoundtrack playlist
Wow...as I read this post for the first time in several days, I realize just how delirious with pain and flu virus I was! I am inserting minor corrections now...
I just want to say that the music of Crush was put together in a permanent "dream" playlist because...so many reasons. In 2010 and 2011 I had no laptop, no mp3 player, no way to access music except to listen to the radio on my little sister's broken CD player :) Whatever songs I happened to love from adolescence and young adulthood, along with whatever current top 40 mainstream pop was on the radio (that I could stomach listening to) ended up on the Crush playlist. I also wanted it to have a very contemporary California urban feel. I wanted to recapture my youth in music. The few exceptions include the incredibly sinister and spellbinding music from Stephen Scott that ended up in the 2012 UK book trailer for Crush.
Bright is different. It takes place in a rural community mostly, and because Bright is a story with more characters and plot points, and because it's got a "mother" message about it, I choose music I really love, and I really love far more of the songs and genres I chose for the Bright DST. I included favorites that I am passionate about and feel add layers of strength of character to many very pivotal scenes. Among my favorite artists appearing on the Bright DST playlist are Annie Barker, Daughter, Jen Gloeckner, Ladytron, Hopscotch/Lilyvolt, Bat For Lashes, Telepopmusik, and Kate Bush. These are unique artists with unique music styles that evoke emotions about the character's relationships with their mothers: Natalie's for her mother, Sharon, who dies suddenly from a brain aneurysm, Monty's desperate wish to connect with his mother Lucienne, who dies during the book as well, and of course, Walter's relationship with Helena, and with his deceased mother, Jayne. The wise mind of everyone's inner child, or inner fetus, came to me as well when selecting certain songs.
I've been down with the flu for a few days now. I will begin my analysis/essay on Bright's songs when I feel better. In the meantime, my editor got together with me with amazing editing ideas and I also sought the advice of my Mom about topics such as miscarriage, spontaneous and induced abortion, as well as how couples who have lost fetuses less than 22 weeks gestation deal with their losses. I can't wait to turn in my changes to my editor, get Bright published for real, and of course, explain every song on my Bright dreamlist. See you soon! :D
I just want to say that the music of Crush was put together in a permanent "dream" playlist because...so many reasons. In 2010 and 2011 I had no laptop, no mp3 player, no way to access music except to listen to the radio on my little sister's broken CD player :) Whatever songs I happened to love from adolescence and young adulthood, along with whatever current top 40 mainstream pop was on the radio (that I could stomach listening to) ended up on the Crush playlist. I also wanted it to have a very contemporary California urban feel. I wanted to recapture my youth in music. The few exceptions include the incredibly sinister and spellbinding music from Stephen Scott that ended up in the 2012 UK book trailer for Crush.
Bright is different. It takes place in a rural community mostly, and because Bright is a story with more characters and plot points, and because it's got a "mother" message about it, I choose music I really love, and I really love far more of the songs and genres I chose for the Bright DST. I included favorites that I am passionate about and feel add layers of strength of character to many very pivotal scenes. Among my favorite artists appearing on the Bright DST playlist are Annie Barker, Daughter, Jen Gloeckner, Ladytron, Hopscotch/Lilyvolt, Bat For Lashes, Telepopmusik, and Kate Bush. These are unique artists with unique music styles that evoke emotions about the character's relationships with their mothers: Natalie's for her mother, Sharon, who dies suddenly from a brain aneurysm, Monty's desperate wish to connect with his mother Lucienne, who dies during the book as well, and of course, Walter's relationship with Helena, and with his deceased mother, Jayne. The wise mind of everyone's inner child, or inner fetus, came to me as well when selecting certain songs.
I've been down with the flu for a few days now. I will begin my analysis/essay on Bright's songs when I feel better. In the meantime, my editor got together with me with amazing editing ideas and I also sought the advice of my Mom about topics such as miscarriage, spontaneous and induced abortion, as well as how couples who have lost fetuses less than 22 weeks gestation deal with their losses. I can't wait to turn in my changes to my editor, get Bright published for real, and of course, explain every song on my Bright dreamlist. See you soon! :D
March 24, 2015
New BRIGHT FAQ videos!!!
Sorry I look like shite in these (wasn't feeling too spry...and my meds give me a disgusting problem with dry mouth) but I have put FAQ #6 and 7 up from readers who have asked these questions:
? #6: I hate Helena! Why is she in this book so much? I would have liked the story better if she hadn't been in it so much!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1iGL...
? #7: Walter's fingers/nails: What is wrong with them? What is "clubbing"?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGqFh...
I meant to put up a 3rd video about "How To Deal With a Negative Review" but I rambled so much in that it was unwatchable LOL So I will remake that one asap!
? #6: I hate Helena! Why is she in this book so much? I would have liked the story better if she hadn't been in it so much!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1iGL...
? #7: Walter's fingers/nails: What is wrong with them? What is "clubbing"?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGqFh...
I meant to put up a 3rd video about "How To Deal With a Negative Review" but I rambled so much in that it was unwatchable LOL So I will remake that one asap!
March 12, 2015
An essay on the use of music Part IX: Crush Dream Playlist Songs
Unless I happen upon some forgotten songs sometime in the future, this is the final portion of the Crush dream playlist. I have admittedly omitted a very small number of songs because they didn't seem to fit as well as I had once thought. Once I am finished sharing my thoughts about the "Crush" songs, I shall begin the daunting task of laying out the "Bright" dream playlist. But for now, here are the final songs on my playlist, which can also be found on youtube. I'll provide the link at the end of this blog post.
71.) "Caught By The Light" by The Boxer Rebellion, from 2011's The Cold Still. I was enchanted by this song when I heard it on the season 8 finale of NCIS. It was obviously a song about death and crossing over, and it was perfect for the scene in which Jamie, trapped in his coma, struggling to return to Tammy, begins to remember that yes, they did indeed meet as small children in that supermarket.
72.) "Chapter 32" by Hopscotch, from their 2003 album Cinema. Again, this band, though now moved on to other projects, is one of my all time favorite bands, and I had the priveledge of meeting lead singer Kate Donnellon back in 2006. She is an amazing talent with a beautiful voice, and "Chapter 32" is a highly personal composition that proves her to be an awesome songwriter as well. I knew I absolutely had to use this song for the scene in which Tammy wrestles the towel bar away from Jamie and holds him. Jamie struggles for a few moments, then gives in and decides to allow someone to love him, to hurt for him, to care about him, to want him to be happy.
73.) "Dark Deeds" by Warstream. This is a piece of music I found on myspace back in 2011 I believe. It's from a Swedish group called Warstream, but when I had found the song, the group seemed to be calling themselves Soft Hands. I don't have a lot of info about this band, but I love this sinister instrumental piece and it seemed the perfect fit for the scene in which Jamie is abducted by 3 assailants in his own front yard.
74.) "Flesh For Fantasy" by Billy Idol, from Rebel Yell (1983). This is one of my favorite Billy Idol songs. It's basically a decadent number, too bawdy (again, am I spelling this word right?) for any kind of direct association to Tammy and Jamie. I wanted to use it, so it's well suited for a fun karaoke night at the End.
75.) "I Wish" by Skee-Lo, from 1995's I Wish. Growing up in the mid-90s, Jamie was painfully aware that he was shorter and slighter than other boys his age. As those of you who read the book know, his stunted growth is the result of what his parents did to him. It's a strange song, of wan humor, to describe a boy dealt and unfair hand.
76.) "Juicy Fruit" by James Mtume, from the 1982 album Juicy Fruit. This song is what I like to call "innocently sexy". It's got some straight up porny lyrics, but it's just so sweet and guileless. I also love the crystalline synthesizer sounds and the appetizing descriptions of "candy rain" "chocolate stars" and of course "lollipops." This song seemed like a charming choice to use for the scene in which Tammy and Jamie speak on the phone and ask each other, "What do you like about me?"
77.) "Ready For Love" by Bad Company, from Bad Company (1974). This song is about friendship turning into love. That's what it sounds like to me. I'm a firm believer that friends make the best lovers. You can love a person. You can hate a person. But it's whether or not you LIKE a person that really closes the deal. The use of "my friend" during this song made it work for me.
78.) "Our Day Will Come" by Ruby & The Romantics, from the 1963 album of the same name. This song describes all the things that make love worthwhile. Patience is often a requirement, especially in this world we're living in in 2015. Changes are happening almost too fast for me to keep up! Positive changes! Tammy and Stacy sing this song to Jamie as a birthday gift. Jamie's voice is absent at this time, but it's also there, during this song of triumph.
And last but not least...
79.) "Cherry Coloured Funk" by Cocteau Twins, from Heaven Or Las Vegas (1990). As with many CT songs, the general consensus is that nobody knows what the lyrics are about. But I love this song. It's too beautiful. It's genius. And I'm using it, so there!!! :D
When I've recovered after a day or so, I'll do the Bright playlist. Hope you enjoyed this huge essay!!!
71.) "Caught By The Light" by The Boxer Rebellion, from 2011's The Cold Still. I was enchanted by this song when I heard it on the season 8 finale of NCIS. It was obviously a song about death and crossing over, and it was perfect for the scene in which Jamie, trapped in his coma, struggling to return to Tammy, begins to remember that yes, they did indeed meet as small children in that supermarket.
72.) "Chapter 32" by Hopscotch, from their 2003 album Cinema. Again, this band, though now moved on to other projects, is one of my all time favorite bands, and I had the priveledge of meeting lead singer Kate Donnellon back in 2006. She is an amazing talent with a beautiful voice, and "Chapter 32" is a highly personal composition that proves her to be an awesome songwriter as well. I knew I absolutely had to use this song for the scene in which Tammy wrestles the towel bar away from Jamie and holds him. Jamie struggles for a few moments, then gives in and decides to allow someone to love him, to hurt for him, to care about him, to want him to be happy.
73.) "Dark Deeds" by Warstream. This is a piece of music I found on myspace back in 2011 I believe. It's from a Swedish group called Warstream, but when I had found the song, the group seemed to be calling themselves Soft Hands. I don't have a lot of info about this band, but I love this sinister instrumental piece and it seemed the perfect fit for the scene in which Jamie is abducted by 3 assailants in his own front yard.
74.) "Flesh For Fantasy" by Billy Idol, from Rebel Yell (1983). This is one of my favorite Billy Idol songs. It's basically a decadent number, too bawdy (again, am I spelling this word right?) for any kind of direct association to Tammy and Jamie. I wanted to use it, so it's well suited for a fun karaoke night at the End.
75.) "I Wish" by Skee-Lo, from 1995's I Wish. Growing up in the mid-90s, Jamie was painfully aware that he was shorter and slighter than other boys his age. As those of you who read the book know, his stunted growth is the result of what his parents did to him. It's a strange song, of wan humor, to describe a boy dealt and unfair hand.
76.) "Juicy Fruit" by James Mtume, from the 1982 album Juicy Fruit. This song is what I like to call "innocently sexy". It's got some straight up porny lyrics, but it's just so sweet and guileless. I also love the crystalline synthesizer sounds and the appetizing descriptions of "candy rain" "chocolate stars" and of course "lollipops." This song seemed like a charming choice to use for the scene in which Tammy and Jamie speak on the phone and ask each other, "What do you like about me?"
77.) "Ready For Love" by Bad Company, from Bad Company (1974). This song is about friendship turning into love. That's what it sounds like to me. I'm a firm believer that friends make the best lovers. You can love a person. You can hate a person. But it's whether or not you LIKE a person that really closes the deal. The use of "my friend" during this song made it work for me.
78.) "Our Day Will Come" by Ruby & The Romantics, from the 1963 album of the same name. This song describes all the things that make love worthwhile. Patience is often a requirement, especially in this world we're living in in 2015. Changes are happening almost too fast for me to keep up! Positive changes! Tammy and Stacy sing this song to Jamie as a birthday gift. Jamie's voice is absent at this time, but it's also there, during this song of triumph.
And last but not least...
79.) "Cherry Coloured Funk" by Cocteau Twins, from Heaven Or Las Vegas (1990). As with many CT songs, the general consensus is that nobody knows what the lyrics are about. But I love this song. It's too beautiful. It's genius. And I'm using it, so there!!! :D
When I've recovered after a day or so, I'll do the Bright playlist. Hope you enjoyed this huge essay!!!
March 10, 2015
An essay on the use of music Part VIII: Crush Dream Playlist Songs
61.) "Baby" by Devendra Banhart, from What Will We Be? (2009). This is a fun, almost bouncy song that I always hear in my head during the times when Tammy and Jamie are getting to know each other again after 16 years of separation, as Jamie cares for the injured Peggy, as Tammy and Jamie have unexpected fun at the expenses of Aunt Sharon, Uncle Price and "Nurse Ratchet/Paulina Holstein."
62.) "Find Your Love" by Drake, from Thank Me Later (2010). This song to me describes Jamie wanting Tammy to be sincere. Jamie's heart is fragile, and Tammy had hurt Jamie in the past, leaving without saying goodbye after such a magical night. Jamie loves Tammy, no doubt, but he's not a toy to be played with. The years have changed Jamie, but they've changed Tammy as well. Jamie has grown harder, with a thicker skin. Tammy has grown softer, more sensitive than anyone can imagine.
63.) "Don't Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulder") by Linda Ronstadt, from 1993's Winter Light (sadly out of print). This, to me, is the sexiest song ever recorded. Sure, it's a remake of the Beach Boys song, but it's so bewitching...it's intoxicating. I think I feel drunk whenever I hear it, and yes, it's another of those songs that's good for your blood pressure! This is the ONLY song to use for Tammy and Jamie's first kiss in 16 years (when Tammy comes to Jamie's house to thank him for taking action about Peggy's blood clot). Magic, magic, magic...
64.) "Ágætis Byrjun" by Sigur Ros, from the 1999 album of the same name, which translated from Islensku means, "A Good Beginning". This song is in my head during the talk Tammy and Jamie have about how Peggy could have died from a blood clot. Tammy had been furious at the nursing staff for their negligence, and Jamie had thought Tammy had been mad at him too. And Tammy proceeds to tell Jamie that he saved Peg's life. Then he kisses the corner of Jamie's mouth. It's a moment of pure joy and the music is perfect.
65.) "The Model" by Snakefinger, from 1979's Chewing Hides The Sound. This is just another fun new wave song I wanted to use to provide a specific atmosphere. It's more than likely a song Tammy plays on his UC Network radio show "College Rock Lives!" I like the use of the steel guitar! This song is also known as "Das Model" by Kraftwerk. I love both versions!
66.) "Motivation" by Kelly Rowland feat. Little Wayne, from Here I am (2011). Obviously this song is about sex. The bit about someone not feeling their legs had me wondering if this song rather belonged on the "Bright" playlist. Lots of acrobatics in that book. This is another song where I noticed a pretty melody over rapping and lyrics.
67.) "How Soon Is Now?" by the Smiths, from their self titled debut in 1984 (as a B-side track). This song has been used extensively and remade numerous times in everything from The Wedding Singer to Queer As Folk to the Craft to Charmed. It's a lengthy, lonely piece about isolation and fear of rejection, and how we are all human and need to be loved, and how we're our own worst enemies.
68.) "Flugufrelsarinn" by Sigur Rós, also from 1999's Ágætis Byrjun. Like many fans of SR, the title and meaning of this song has me a bit stumped. The Islandic translation seems to be: "Free To Fly." Since this has ALWAYS been the song I've sung in my head during Lloyd's death ad funeral, and Jamie's subsequent grief at losing the only man who had ever shown him kindness, a title like "Fly Free" or "Free To Fly" seems very fitting. Lloyd was very ill for several years before he suddenly passed away. Set free of his organic prison, Lloyd could finally be the guardian angel Jamie and Tammy needed.
69.) "Send Me An Angel" by Real Life. This was a favorite of mine during my last year of high school. It describes the despair of being in love. It's one of the many songs Jamie and Lloyd hear on the radio after finding out that Tammy has a college rock show.
70.) "Twisted" by Keith Sweat, from Keith Sweat (1996). This clearly is Jamie's reaction to Tammy leaving without so much as a goodbye after the wonderful evening they had together. Jamie knows he has "what Tammy needs" and that "what you needed was here" and always will be. "Make up your mind." Tammy is in denial about who he is, and what he really needs and wants, but if he isn't careful, he could lose Jamie. "I won't be here for long."
Part IX next!!!
62.) "Find Your Love" by Drake, from Thank Me Later (2010). This song to me describes Jamie wanting Tammy to be sincere. Jamie's heart is fragile, and Tammy had hurt Jamie in the past, leaving without saying goodbye after such a magical night. Jamie loves Tammy, no doubt, but he's not a toy to be played with. The years have changed Jamie, but they've changed Tammy as well. Jamie has grown harder, with a thicker skin. Tammy has grown softer, more sensitive than anyone can imagine.
63.) "Don't Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulder") by Linda Ronstadt, from 1993's Winter Light (sadly out of print). This, to me, is the sexiest song ever recorded. Sure, it's a remake of the Beach Boys song, but it's so bewitching...it's intoxicating. I think I feel drunk whenever I hear it, and yes, it's another of those songs that's good for your blood pressure! This is the ONLY song to use for Tammy and Jamie's first kiss in 16 years (when Tammy comes to Jamie's house to thank him for taking action about Peggy's blood clot). Magic, magic, magic...
64.) "Ágætis Byrjun" by Sigur Ros, from the 1999 album of the same name, which translated from Islensku means, "A Good Beginning". This song is in my head during the talk Tammy and Jamie have about how Peggy could have died from a blood clot. Tammy had been furious at the nursing staff for their negligence, and Jamie had thought Tammy had been mad at him too. And Tammy proceeds to tell Jamie that he saved Peg's life. Then he kisses the corner of Jamie's mouth. It's a moment of pure joy and the music is perfect.
65.) "The Model" by Snakefinger, from 1979's Chewing Hides The Sound. This is just another fun new wave song I wanted to use to provide a specific atmosphere. It's more than likely a song Tammy plays on his UC Network radio show "College Rock Lives!" I like the use of the steel guitar! This song is also known as "Das Model" by Kraftwerk. I love both versions!
66.) "Motivation" by Kelly Rowland feat. Little Wayne, from Here I am (2011). Obviously this song is about sex. The bit about someone not feeling their legs had me wondering if this song rather belonged on the "Bright" playlist. Lots of acrobatics in that book. This is another song where I noticed a pretty melody over rapping and lyrics.
67.) "How Soon Is Now?" by the Smiths, from their self titled debut in 1984 (as a B-side track). This song has been used extensively and remade numerous times in everything from The Wedding Singer to Queer As Folk to the Craft to Charmed. It's a lengthy, lonely piece about isolation and fear of rejection, and how we are all human and need to be loved, and how we're our own worst enemies.
68.) "Flugufrelsarinn" by Sigur Rós, also from 1999's Ágætis Byrjun. Like many fans of SR, the title and meaning of this song has me a bit stumped. The Islandic translation seems to be: "Free To Fly." Since this has ALWAYS been the song I've sung in my head during Lloyd's death ad funeral, and Jamie's subsequent grief at losing the only man who had ever shown him kindness, a title like "Fly Free" or "Free To Fly" seems very fitting. Lloyd was very ill for several years before he suddenly passed away. Set free of his organic prison, Lloyd could finally be the guardian angel Jamie and Tammy needed.
69.) "Send Me An Angel" by Real Life. This was a favorite of mine during my last year of high school. It describes the despair of being in love. It's one of the many songs Jamie and Lloyd hear on the radio after finding out that Tammy has a college rock show.
70.) "Twisted" by Keith Sweat, from Keith Sweat (1996). This clearly is Jamie's reaction to Tammy leaving without so much as a goodbye after the wonderful evening they had together. Jamie knows he has "what Tammy needs" and that "what you needed was here" and always will be. "Make up your mind." Tammy is in denial about who he is, and what he really needs and wants, but if he isn't careful, he could lose Jamie. "I won't be here for long."
Part IX next!!!
March 9, 2015
An essay on the use of music Part VII: Crush Dream Playlist Songs
I was sick yesterday, so I had to take a day off from compiling my Crush playlist. Welcome to part 7 or VII...I'm not too sure about how well I do with Roman numerals!
51.) "I Call Your Name" by Switch, from the album Switch II (1979). This is a favorite of mine for decades. I remember loving this song on the radio when I was writing one of Crush's "ancestors" back in the 90s. That book was lost forever when my old fogey of a Mac crashed and could not be fixed. But it was a blessing, because what Crush became was so much better than what I had first come up with. What is this song about? Coming of age. Maturing. Learning about how love and relationships work. This song is a legend in the universe of my book. Jamie and Stacy sing it, and at the end, Jamie literally flies into Tammy's arms and kisses him in front of the entire crowd at the End. It was a reaffirmation of their love after an agonizing day of uncertainty, but it was also what started wicked brews of conspiracy amongst "friends" Tammy and Jamie had known all their lives.
52.) "Jeckyl and Hyde" by Plumb from 2006's Chaotic Resolve. This was the perfect song describing Jamie's misery during the day after he and Tammy had that difficult time with the "kitty style" issue. Jamie begins to suspect that his emotional issues are too much for Tammy to handle, and that Tammy is planning to dump him. I liked that the song described the repugnance of cigarettes, of which Jamie was a heavy user. This and other metaphors illustrated Jamie's despair and the old familiar self hate he had almost forgotten about. His anger at Tammy for not just coming forward with whatever is bothering him is evident in the lyrics as well.
53.) "Spellbound" by Siouxie and the Banshees, from 1981's Juju. Rumours abound as to the meaning of this exuberant yet sinister song. Is it about an instance of child abuse or pedophilia? Is it about the night terrors that children sometimes face in the dark of the bedroom (To this day, I am a passionate advocate for nightlights!!!) The use of this beautiful, chaotic, post-punk song in Crush symbolizes the horror and disgust Tammy feels when viewing the VHS tape of rape and torture being inflicted on Jamie, and the sickness, guilt and anger he feels for having watched it through instead of turning it off.
54.) "Bad Boys Get Spanked" by The Pretenders. I love Chrissie Hynde, let's just get that out of the way first. This song is perfect for the "kitty style" sex scene. It's a scene that goes from wonderful, mutual fun between both parties to horribly sad within an instant. How could something so freeing and beautiful go so wrong for Jamie? The same reason things always go wrong for him...his stupid, evil parents and the ruin they left him in. The lyrics, which obviously describe a naughty child doing something wrong, are, to me, Jamie's inner voice, the vulture of guilt circling overhead, waiting to land and wreak emotional havoc. And Tammy once again proves himself Jamie's soulmate when he patiently and lovingly restores Jamie's sense of reason. There is such a thing as "nice" and "good" and "decent" people who get kinky behind closed doors!
55.) "Flowers" by the Emotions, from the 1976 album Flowers. This song seems to carry a very spiritual, loving message. It seemed an odd choice for the scene in which Tammy and Jamie make love in the hallway shortly after Tammy gives Jamie his angel keychain for Christmas, but the sweetness of this song nicely juxtaposes the wondrous weirdness of "Bad Boys" (the kitty style scene occurs not long after the "Flowers" love scene).
56.) "H." by Tool, from AEnima (1996). Again, there are so many rumours about what this song is about that I have no idea which is the real thing. One source says it's about kicking heroin addiction, another source says it's about the difficulty of choosing between right and wrong, and yet another theory is that it's about Maynard's son, whose middle name is H. If Underworld's "Sola Sistim" was Jamie's confessional song, "H." is certainly Tammy's. When I hear H., I hear a man talking to someone about how the appearance of someone into his wretched, miserable life begins a healing process: "I am too connected to you to slip away, fade away...I still feel you touching me, changing me...Without the skin here, beneath the storm, under these tears now, the walls came down. And as the snake is drowned, and as I look into his eyes, my fear begins to fade, recalling all of those times I could have cried then...I should have cried then..." It's a dark love song, creepy, but tender.
57.) "Making Plans For Nigel" by XTC, from Drums and Wires (1979). This is a very fun new wave song. And to be honest, I have no idea what it's about. It's just fun! I wanted it somewhere within my playlist, and I just slapped it into my mental picture of Tammy, Stacy and Ray having to drive Jamie to the A&E for a sudden episode of hypoglycemia.
58.) "Red Vines" by Aimee Mann, from Bachelor No. 2 or The Last Remains of the Dodo (2000). This is the only song to speak from Stacy's POV as she worries about both Jamie and Tammy as they begin their relationship. She knows they're both severely damaged by their childhoods, and she also realizes that though they've been gay all their lives, they have very little knowledge about their own community, and how cruel the world can be to them because of who they are.
59.) "Unthinkable (I'm Ready)" by Alicia Keys. Self explanatory. They've waited far too long to have what they want. They are in love. They know they'll be happy together. And they deserve it. They deserve to be happy. This always seemed to be the song on the radio as Tammy and Jamie drive to Tammy's house after the Christmas party at the End.
60.) "Blue Christmas" by Elvis Presley. This of course is the song that Tammy, Jamie and Stacy sing onstage during the End's Christmas party.
Next up, part VIII !!!
51.) "I Call Your Name" by Switch, from the album Switch II (1979). This is a favorite of mine for decades. I remember loving this song on the radio when I was writing one of Crush's "ancestors" back in the 90s. That book was lost forever when my old fogey of a Mac crashed and could not be fixed. But it was a blessing, because what Crush became was so much better than what I had first come up with. What is this song about? Coming of age. Maturing. Learning about how love and relationships work. This song is a legend in the universe of my book. Jamie and Stacy sing it, and at the end, Jamie literally flies into Tammy's arms and kisses him in front of the entire crowd at the End. It was a reaffirmation of their love after an agonizing day of uncertainty, but it was also what started wicked brews of conspiracy amongst "friends" Tammy and Jamie had known all their lives.
52.) "Jeckyl and Hyde" by Plumb from 2006's Chaotic Resolve. This was the perfect song describing Jamie's misery during the day after he and Tammy had that difficult time with the "kitty style" issue. Jamie begins to suspect that his emotional issues are too much for Tammy to handle, and that Tammy is planning to dump him. I liked that the song described the repugnance of cigarettes, of which Jamie was a heavy user. This and other metaphors illustrated Jamie's despair and the old familiar self hate he had almost forgotten about. His anger at Tammy for not just coming forward with whatever is bothering him is evident in the lyrics as well.
53.) "Spellbound" by Siouxie and the Banshees, from 1981's Juju. Rumours abound as to the meaning of this exuberant yet sinister song. Is it about an instance of child abuse or pedophilia? Is it about the night terrors that children sometimes face in the dark of the bedroom (To this day, I am a passionate advocate for nightlights!!!) The use of this beautiful, chaotic, post-punk song in Crush symbolizes the horror and disgust Tammy feels when viewing the VHS tape of rape and torture being inflicted on Jamie, and the sickness, guilt and anger he feels for having watched it through instead of turning it off.
54.) "Bad Boys Get Spanked" by The Pretenders. I love Chrissie Hynde, let's just get that out of the way first. This song is perfect for the "kitty style" sex scene. It's a scene that goes from wonderful, mutual fun between both parties to horribly sad within an instant. How could something so freeing and beautiful go so wrong for Jamie? The same reason things always go wrong for him...his stupid, evil parents and the ruin they left him in. The lyrics, which obviously describe a naughty child doing something wrong, are, to me, Jamie's inner voice, the vulture of guilt circling overhead, waiting to land and wreak emotional havoc. And Tammy once again proves himself Jamie's soulmate when he patiently and lovingly restores Jamie's sense of reason. There is such a thing as "nice" and "good" and "decent" people who get kinky behind closed doors!
55.) "Flowers" by the Emotions, from the 1976 album Flowers. This song seems to carry a very spiritual, loving message. It seemed an odd choice for the scene in which Tammy and Jamie make love in the hallway shortly after Tammy gives Jamie his angel keychain for Christmas, but the sweetness of this song nicely juxtaposes the wondrous weirdness of "Bad Boys" (the kitty style scene occurs not long after the "Flowers" love scene).
56.) "H." by Tool, from AEnima (1996). Again, there are so many rumours about what this song is about that I have no idea which is the real thing. One source says it's about kicking heroin addiction, another source says it's about the difficulty of choosing between right and wrong, and yet another theory is that it's about Maynard's son, whose middle name is H. If Underworld's "Sola Sistim" was Jamie's confessional song, "H." is certainly Tammy's. When I hear H., I hear a man talking to someone about how the appearance of someone into his wretched, miserable life begins a healing process: "I am too connected to you to slip away, fade away...I still feel you touching me, changing me...Without the skin here, beneath the storm, under these tears now, the walls came down. And as the snake is drowned, and as I look into his eyes, my fear begins to fade, recalling all of those times I could have cried then...I should have cried then..." It's a dark love song, creepy, but tender.
57.) "Making Plans For Nigel" by XTC, from Drums and Wires (1979). This is a very fun new wave song. And to be honest, I have no idea what it's about. It's just fun! I wanted it somewhere within my playlist, and I just slapped it into my mental picture of Tammy, Stacy and Ray having to drive Jamie to the A&E for a sudden episode of hypoglycemia.
58.) "Red Vines" by Aimee Mann, from Bachelor No. 2 or The Last Remains of the Dodo (2000). This is the only song to speak from Stacy's POV as she worries about both Jamie and Tammy as they begin their relationship. She knows they're both severely damaged by their childhoods, and she also realizes that though they've been gay all their lives, they have very little knowledge about their own community, and how cruel the world can be to them because of who they are.
59.) "Unthinkable (I'm Ready)" by Alicia Keys. Self explanatory. They've waited far too long to have what they want. They are in love. They know they'll be happy together. And they deserve it. They deserve to be happy. This always seemed to be the song on the radio as Tammy and Jamie drive to Tammy's house after the Christmas party at the End.
60.) "Blue Christmas" by Elvis Presley. This of course is the song that Tammy, Jamie and Stacy sing onstage during the End's Christmas party.
Next up, part VIII !!!
March 7, 2015
An essay on the use of music Part VI: Crush Dream Playlist Songs
41.) "Suncatcher" and "Ocean Drum" by Stephen Scott, from Vikings of the Sunrise (1996). These 2 tracks are just a small portion of a thematic album which employs beautiful string arrangements and the creative use of the bowed piano. I was listening to a far left on the dial radio station one night while writing the scene in which Jamie is attacked by three assailants, kidnapped, driven to a remote area, beaten savagely, and left to die. The music in these two pieces is so perfect for Jamie's state of mind as he fights for life, hallucinates his dear friend Lloyd, and waits for someone to come and help him. I can't say enough what a perfect miracle this music is for capturing that horrific scene.
42.) "Heaven Tonight" by H.I.M. from 2003's Razorblade Romance. This is exactly what it sounds like: Someone being in love with someone, and noticing that someone's sadness. To me, it's the voice of Tammy speaking to Jamie.
43.) "Sure Thing" by Miguel, from All I Want Is You (2010). Listened to this song a lot during writing. The lyrics "love you like a brother" always suggested to me that it's a man singing to another man. I wish there were a lot more love songs that identified as gay. Not ambiguous, just plain boldly gay.
44.) "Alice" by Cocteau Twins...I searched high and low for album information on this bewitchingly beautiful song. I know Cocteau Twins were active and made albums from 1979 to 1997, and that this song was featured in a Liv Tyler movie called "Stealing Beauty." The lyrics, sporting that nonsensical quality for the most part, nevertheless told the tale of a woman in love with a man named Nicolo, which was the name of the man Tyler's character was enamoured with. Years later, the song was used in Peter Jackson's supernatural drama "The Lovely Bones." I couldn't help pulling another ripoff move and using it to help me write the infamous scene in which Tammy insists on giving Jamie a special gift on their wedding night. It captures the event perfectly. I still think that if Crush were ever made into a film, I'd want Robin Guthrie to compose at least some of the music.
45.) "The One" by Elton John from 1992's The One. This is one of the songs Tammy and Jamie choose for their Vancouver wedding. I always felt such a sincerity in the lyrics. It was on the radio a lot during my first relationship. Even after the guy turned out to be bad news, I can hear this song and have no cringy memories. It's Tammy and Jamie's song now.
46.) "Groovy Kind of Love" by Phil Collins. I couldn't be sure which album this is on, but every source I went to says it's part of a 1990 collection called Serious Hits Live. Several artists have recorded this song over the years, including Patti LaBelle & The Bluebells and Sonny & Cher. I like Phil Collins' version the best, and it's another wedding song for Tammy and Jamie.
47.) "Always" by China Crisis, from the 1994 album Warped By Success. The lyrics to this ballad just feel, to me anyway, like a man singing to a man he loves. I heard this song while writing the scene in which Tammy, Jamie, Peggy and Stacy fly to Vancouver, BC, Canada to get married. It's perfect. There are lyrics about "jealousy and hate", but I think it's a description of how love can temper those emotions. We are only human after all.
48.) "Sola Sistim" by Underworld, from A Hundred Days Off (2002). I've heard this song in both CSI: Miami and Queer As Folk, so I'm ripping off once again. This is one of those strange ones for me...kind of dark, yet relaxing enough to lower my blood pressure. Basically, it's a representation of the self hatred both Tammy and Jamie feel, but especially Jamie. "My shattered dancer...beautiful...broken..." This song was in my head during the scene in which Jamie finally tells Tammy about the seven years of hell he endured with his parents before Lloyd saved his life. Tammy has his own self-hate theme, which is later on in the playlist.
49.) "Sex Room" by Ludacris feat. Trey Songz from 2010's Battle Of The Sexes. With raunchy-ass lyrics that would make a porn star blush, this song is wayyy to bawdy (is that the right word?) for any serious love scene. I mean, sure, I use words like cock, fuck, cum, hole, etc. But this song makes me blush! Being that it was a huge hit during the time I wrote Crush, it became another involuntary song on the playlist, and being that high schoolers (Remember, Tammy and Jamie were long since graduated from high school by 2011), this was most likely sang by a bunch of teenagers at the End on karaoke night. The lyrics are x rated, but what's weird is I love the melody, the delicate strings and synthesizers, and the sweetly nasty way Trey Songz sings the chorus.
50.) "Auto Pilot" by Lusine, from Serial Hodgepodge (2004). This instrumental piece was featured in an episode of CSI:Miami, and I actively sought it out to use. I liked its sinister melody, and it turned out to be the perfect music backdrop for the scene in which Yvette Battle taunts Tammy about the horrible VHS tape she sent to his house.
Part VII Coming up next!!
42.) "Heaven Tonight" by H.I.M. from 2003's Razorblade Romance. This is exactly what it sounds like: Someone being in love with someone, and noticing that someone's sadness. To me, it's the voice of Tammy speaking to Jamie.
43.) "Sure Thing" by Miguel, from All I Want Is You (2010). Listened to this song a lot during writing. The lyrics "love you like a brother" always suggested to me that it's a man singing to another man. I wish there were a lot more love songs that identified as gay. Not ambiguous, just plain boldly gay.
44.) "Alice" by Cocteau Twins...I searched high and low for album information on this bewitchingly beautiful song. I know Cocteau Twins were active and made albums from 1979 to 1997, and that this song was featured in a Liv Tyler movie called "Stealing Beauty." The lyrics, sporting that nonsensical quality for the most part, nevertheless told the tale of a woman in love with a man named Nicolo, which was the name of the man Tyler's character was enamoured with. Years later, the song was used in Peter Jackson's supernatural drama "The Lovely Bones." I couldn't help pulling another ripoff move and using it to help me write the infamous scene in which Tammy insists on giving Jamie a special gift on their wedding night. It captures the event perfectly. I still think that if Crush were ever made into a film, I'd want Robin Guthrie to compose at least some of the music.
45.) "The One" by Elton John from 1992's The One. This is one of the songs Tammy and Jamie choose for their Vancouver wedding. I always felt such a sincerity in the lyrics. It was on the radio a lot during my first relationship. Even after the guy turned out to be bad news, I can hear this song and have no cringy memories. It's Tammy and Jamie's song now.
46.) "Groovy Kind of Love" by Phil Collins. I couldn't be sure which album this is on, but every source I went to says it's part of a 1990 collection called Serious Hits Live. Several artists have recorded this song over the years, including Patti LaBelle & The Bluebells and Sonny & Cher. I like Phil Collins' version the best, and it's another wedding song for Tammy and Jamie.
47.) "Always" by China Crisis, from the 1994 album Warped By Success. The lyrics to this ballad just feel, to me anyway, like a man singing to a man he loves. I heard this song while writing the scene in which Tammy, Jamie, Peggy and Stacy fly to Vancouver, BC, Canada to get married. It's perfect. There are lyrics about "jealousy and hate", but I think it's a description of how love can temper those emotions. We are only human after all.
48.) "Sola Sistim" by Underworld, from A Hundred Days Off (2002). I've heard this song in both CSI: Miami and Queer As Folk, so I'm ripping off once again. This is one of those strange ones for me...kind of dark, yet relaxing enough to lower my blood pressure. Basically, it's a representation of the self hatred both Tammy and Jamie feel, but especially Jamie. "My shattered dancer...beautiful...broken..." This song was in my head during the scene in which Jamie finally tells Tammy about the seven years of hell he endured with his parents before Lloyd saved his life. Tammy has his own self-hate theme, which is later on in the playlist.
49.) "Sex Room" by Ludacris feat. Trey Songz from 2010's Battle Of The Sexes. With raunchy-ass lyrics that would make a porn star blush, this song is wayyy to bawdy (is that the right word?) for any serious love scene. I mean, sure, I use words like cock, fuck, cum, hole, etc. But this song makes me blush! Being that it was a huge hit during the time I wrote Crush, it became another involuntary song on the playlist, and being that high schoolers (Remember, Tammy and Jamie were long since graduated from high school by 2011), this was most likely sang by a bunch of teenagers at the End on karaoke night. The lyrics are x rated, but what's weird is I love the melody, the delicate strings and synthesizers, and the sweetly nasty way Trey Songz sings the chorus.
50.) "Auto Pilot" by Lusine, from Serial Hodgepodge (2004). This instrumental piece was featured in an episode of CSI:Miami, and I actively sought it out to use. I liked its sinister melody, and it turned out to be the perfect music backdrop for the scene in which Yvette Battle taunts Tammy about the horrible VHS tape she sent to his house.
Part VII Coming up next!!
March 6, 2015
An essay on the use of music Part V: Crush Dream Playlist Songs
31.) "Hey DJ" by The World Famous Supreme Team. Recorded on a 12" vinyl in 1984 for Island Records. I couldn't find any album information, but writing credits are partly given to rap legend Malcolm McLaren. This is just a fun party song that could have played anywhere...but mainly, it's an old school hit that Jamie and Stacy could have listened to while hanging out after school.
32.) "Outstanding" by the Gap Band, from The Gap Band IV (1982). This song plays while Tammy and Jamie swim at Ray's graduation pool party. Some day, I've got to use "You Dropped A Bomb On Me" on one of my dreamlists...it's my fave Gap Band song.
33.) "Don't Disturb This Groove" by The System from the 1987 album Don't Disturb This Groove. What's this song about? Well, unless I'm really stupid, it's about people trying to get it on without somebody interrupting them! It's innocent sounding in a way, non-threatening, and fun. Something Jamie and Stacy hear on the Jammin' Oldies station now and then.
34.) "Heaven Help Me" by Deon Estus with George Michael, from 1989's Spell. I remember this song playing during the weeks leading up to my high school graduation. It was a sad time for me. I had enjoyed the last 4 years of school, and the friends I had made, and I was getting ready to say goodbye to that life. It was supposed to be exciting, but instead I was sad, and to me, it perfectly captures Tammy's meloncholy as he realizes he will no longer see Jamie in school every day.
35.) "Unspoken Request" by Boy Sets Fire (After The Eulogy, 2000). This song sounds almost like it doesn't belong on this playlist, but at the same time, it captures Jamie's anger that grows over the years, at Tammy for leaving, at his parents for ruining his life, at himself for reasons he can't even explain. Unspoken Request was the original title for Crush btw.
36.) "Too Good To Be True" by Dinah Shore, from the 1947 Disney short, Bongo, which made up the first half of the feature length picture Fun and Fancy Free. Odd choice for the list, yes, but the lyrics are so perfect, describing someone as possibly an angel sent from heaven to love someone who has never really known love. Bongo happened to be a circus bear, born in captivity, never knowing a kind human touch, always performing, never free, lonely, until a freak occurence aboard the circus train sets him free to live in the wild.
37.) "Cherry Coloured Funk" by Cocteau Twins, from 1990's Heaven Or Las Vegas. No doubt about it, the Twins have a sound like no other. This is the song that plays inside the bar while Tammy and Jamie feverishly make out for the first time (in the alley) on Christmas Eve.
38.) "Love The Way" by Jorge Santana, from 1978's Love The Way. Just a romantic old school jam. Pretty. Pretty lyrics, pretty melody. Kind of magical.
39.) "Arms" by Christina Perri, from 2011's Lovestrong. This is a song about falling in love against one's will. Can Jamie trust Tammy? For real? Does he have a choice? Will he be able to let his guard down? At this point, does Jamie even want to be loved, or has he gotten so used to hating himself that change is extremely uncomfortable? A truly lovable song!
40.) "Cheerleader" by Grizzly Bear, from Veckatimest (2009). This song is weirdly beautiful, with very hard to distinguish lyrics. Some people insist they're singing, "I'm cheerleading myself..." and other's say it's "I'm shooting them myself..." Either way, this song has a tenderness to it that I can't resist, along with an amazing 60s retroglam feel. Is it The Graduate? Or is it A Clockwork Orange? Either way, I love it.
Part VI next...
32.) "Outstanding" by the Gap Band, from The Gap Band IV (1982). This song plays while Tammy and Jamie swim at Ray's graduation pool party. Some day, I've got to use "You Dropped A Bomb On Me" on one of my dreamlists...it's my fave Gap Band song.
33.) "Don't Disturb This Groove" by The System from the 1987 album Don't Disturb This Groove. What's this song about? Well, unless I'm really stupid, it's about people trying to get it on without somebody interrupting them! It's innocent sounding in a way, non-threatening, and fun. Something Jamie and Stacy hear on the Jammin' Oldies station now and then.
34.) "Heaven Help Me" by Deon Estus with George Michael, from 1989's Spell. I remember this song playing during the weeks leading up to my high school graduation. It was a sad time for me. I had enjoyed the last 4 years of school, and the friends I had made, and I was getting ready to say goodbye to that life. It was supposed to be exciting, but instead I was sad, and to me, it perfectly captures Tammy's meloncholy as he realizes he will no longer see Jamie in school every day.
35.) "Unspoken Request" by Boy Sets Fire (After The Eulogy, 2000). This song sounds almost like it doesn't belong on this playlist, but at the same time, it captures Jamie's anger that grows over the years, at Tammy for leaving, at his parents for ruining his life, at himself for reasons he can't even explain. Unspoken Request was the original title for Crush btw.
36.) "Too Good To Be True" by Dinah Shore, from the 1947 Disney short, Bongo, which made up the first half of the feature length picture Fun and Fancy Free. Odd choice for the list, yes, but the lyrics are so perfect, describing someone as possibly an angel sent from heaven to love someone who has never really known love. Bongo happened to be a circus bear, born in captivity, never knowing a kind human touch, always performing, never free, lonely, until a freak occurence aboard the circus train sets him free to live in the wild.
37.) "Cherry Coloured Funk" by Cocteau Twins, from 1990's Heaven Or Las Vegas. No doubt about it, the Twins have a sound like no other. This is the song that plays inside the bar while Tammy and Jamie feverishly make out for the first time (in the alley) on Christmas Eve.
38.) "Love The Way" by Jorge Santana, from 1978's Love The Way. Just a romantic old school jam. Pretty. Pretty lyrics, pretty melody. Kind of magical.
39.) "Arms" by Christina Perri, from 2011's Lovestrong. This is a song about falling in love against one's will. Can Jamie trust Tammy? For real? Does he have a choice? Will he be able to let his guard down? At this point, does Jamie even want to be loved, or has he gotten so used to hating himself that change is extremely uncomfortable? A truly lovable song!
40.) "Cheerleader" by Grizzly Bear, from Veckatimest (2009). This song is weirdly beautiful, with very hard to distinguish lyrics. Some people insist they're singing, "I'm cheerleading myself..." and other's say it's "I'm shooting them myself..." Either way, this song has a tenderness to it that I can't resist, along with an amazing 60s retroglam feel. Is it The Graduate? Or is it A Clockwork Orange? Either way, I love it.
Part VI next...
March 5, 2015
An essay on the use of music Part IV: Crush Dream Playlist Songs
Continued from part III:
21.) "Here With You" by Hopscotch from their 2003 album Cinema. Hopscotch is one of my all time favorite bands, and it was only natural to include at least one or two songs on my dream playlists for Crush and Bright. This particular track describes the first moments that Jamie and Tammy are an actual couple, on their drive to the End to enjoy the Christmas party.
22.) "Saturday Love" by Cherelle and Alexander O'Neal. One of my favorite old school jams, this song came out during the golden time of my freshman year in high school, on 1985's High Priority. Being a freshman in high school was a wonderful, adventurous time. I experienced my first romantic crush. My best friend and I would brave the coldest weather every Friday night to see our heroes play the weekly football game. We passed notes back and forth to each other describing our ardor for them that we knew would never be noticed. Joy and tears. There is a bright side to puberty, I realized later.
23.) "Never Say Never" by Romeo Void, from 1982's Benefactor. A neo-punk flavored anthem whose lyrics have caused controversy amongst people who seek to find meaning in the verses. Some say it's about an incestuous relationship, others say it's simply a song about a lonely person seeking to be loved. Could it be about Tammy and Uncle Price? Perhaps. But the song could also describe Tammy's lack of interest in women, along with his desperate need to deny his true sexuality as he competes with his jock buddies to see who gets the most ass.
24.) "Ruby Red" by Marc Almond from Mother Fist and Her Five Daughters (1987). Honestly, this song is too clever for me to understand its meaning, but the gist I'm getting is that it's about the selflessness that comes from being in first love, the very big possibility that you will be humiliated during your first love. I could be wrong, but I love Marc Almond, so he gets to be on my list heh!
25.) "I Didn't Mean To Turn You On" by Cherelle from Fragile (1984) and by Robert Palmer (Riptide 1985). I love both versions of the song, so they're both on the list. The song's meaning should be apparent to anyone. The lyrics are clear. A failure to communicate, that's pretty much it. It's when Jamie meets a cute guy in Davis, but has no interest in hooking up with him.
26.) "Fantasy" by Earth, Wind and Fire from All 'N All 1977. This is one of those songs where you just feel a sense of victory. It seems to be saying, "If you don't like us, if you hate our existence, if you think we're an abomination, then go home and hide your head under your pillow where you'll feel safe and sheltered. You're mistaken if you think we care what you think." It's about how Tammy and Jamie will never let anything separate them again.
27.) "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode from 1990's Violator. I like to think this would be a song that Jamie, Stacy and Tammy would sing regularly at the End just to annoy the high schoolers who wanted to hear karaoke disasters of their favorite soon to be forgotten pop tarts.
28.) "Mary Jane" by Rick James from Come Get It! (1978) I used to think of "Queer As Folk" whenever I heard this song! I would change the name to Brian K! "I'm in love with Brian K...he's my main thang..." Clearly this song would play during scenes in which Jamie heard girls in high school gossiping about how promiscuous Tammy was. Even then, Tammy was gay, but he was very busy denying it, and sleeping with girls everywhere to keep the truth out of his head. Jamie couldn't stop loving Tammy even though loving Tammy was extremely painful.
29.) "Down In A Hole" by Alice in Chains, from Dirt (1992) The lyrics of this song are about regret and being in love, and wishing the one you love would miraculously shelter you from yourself. Tammy is foolish, afraid, and these things fuel his self destructive behavior. All he wants is to be with Jamie. He knows Jamie will keep him safe. He knows Jamie is the only answer. No matter what he has, Tammy will never be happy unless he has Jamie too.
30.) "Wey U" by Chante Moore, 1995 from the Waiting To Exhale movie soundtrack. This is one of the sexiest, most relaxing songs ever recorded. There are no truly discernable lyrics, just vocals often called "scatting" (not to be confused with scatology!). But it's one of those songs you listen to and find yourself in a meditative trance. I think it lowers my blood pressure! It's romantic without being sappy. It's sensual without being vomitrociously sexual. It's just a delight! I realized I was ripping off Waiting To Exhale in a way (well, actually, it only played during the film's opening titles, so...), but I couldn't resist playing it during Tammy & Jamie's very first kiss (after the pool party).
Part V in the next blog post!!!
21.) "Here With You" by Hopscotch from their 2003 album Cinema. Hopscotch is one of my all time favorite bands, and it was only natural to include at least one or two songs on my dream playlists for Crush and Bright. This particular track describes the first moments that Jamie and Tammy are an actual couple, on their drive to the End to enjoy the Christmas party.
22.) "Saturday Love" by Cherelle and Alexander O'Neal. One of my favorite old school jams, this song came out during the golden time of my freshman year in high school, on 1985's High Priority. Being a freshman in high school was a wonderful, adventurous time. I experienced my first romantic crush. My best friend and I would brave the coldest weather every Friday night to see our heroes play the weekly football game. We passed notes back and forth to each other describing our ardor for them that we knew would never be noticed. Joy and tears. There is a bright side to puberty, I realized later.
23.) "Never Say Never" by Romeo Void, from 1982's Benefactor. A neo-punk flavored anthem whose lyrics have caused controversy amongst people who seek to find meaning in the verses. Some say it's about an incestuous relationship, others say it's simply a song about a lonely person seeking to be loved. Could it be about Tammy and Uncle Price? Perhaps. But the song could also describe Tammy's lack of interest in women, along with his desperate need to deny his true sexuality as he competes with his jock buddies to see who gets the most ass.
24.) "Ruby Red" by Marc Almond from Mother Fist and Her Five Daughters (1987). Honestly, this song is too clever for me to understand its meaning, but the gist I'm getting is that it's about the selflessness that comes from being in first love, the very big possibility that you will be humiliated during your first love. I could be wrong, but I love Marc Almond, so he gets to be on my list heh!
25.) "I Didn't Mean To Turn You On" by Cherelle from Fragile (1984) and by Robert Palmer (Riptide 1985). I love both versions of the song, so they're both on the list. The song's meaning should be apparent to anyone. The lyrics are clear. A failure to communicate, that's pretty much it. It's when Jamie meets a cute guy in Davis, but has no interest in hooking up with him.
26.) "Fantasy" by Earth, Wind and Fire from All 'N All 1977. This is one of those songs where you just feel a sense of victory. It seems to be saying, "If you don't like us, if you hate our existence, if you think we're an abomination, then go home and hide your head under your pillow where you'll feel safe and sheltered. You're mistaken if you think we care what you think." It's about how Tammy and Jamie will never let anything separate them again.
27.) "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode from 1990's Violator. I like to think this would be a song that Jamie, Stacy and Tammy would sing regularly at the End just to annoy the high schoolers who wanted to hear karaoke disasters of their favorite soon to be forgotten pop tarts.
28.) "Mary Jane" by Rick James from Come Get It! (1978) I used to think of "Queer As Folk" whenever I heard this song! I would change the name to Brian K! "I'm in love with Brian K...he's my main thang..." Clearly this song would play during scenes in which Jamie heard girls in high school gossiping about how promiscuous Tammy was. Even then, Tammy was gay, but he was very busy denying it, and sleeping with girls everywhere to keep the truth out of his head. Jamie couldn't stop loving Tammy even though loving Tammy was extremely painful.
29.) "Down In A Hole" by Alice in Chains, from Dirt (1992) The lyrics of this song are about regret and being in love, and wishing the one you love would miraculously shelter you from yourself. Tammy is foolish, afraid, and these things fuel his self destructive behavior. All he wants is to be with Jamie. He knows Jamie will keep him safe. He knows Jamie is the only answer. No matter what he has, Tammy will never be happy unless he has Jamie too.
30.) "Wey U" by Chante Moore, 1995 from the Waiting To Exhale movie soundtrack. This is one of the sexiest, most relaxing songs ever recorded. There are no truly discernable lyrics, just vocals often called "scatting" (not to be confused with scatology!). But it's one of those songs you listen to and find yourself in a meditative trance. I think it lowers my blood pressure! It's romantic without being sappy. It's sensual without being vomitrociously sexual. It's just a delight! I realized I was ripping off Waiting To Exhale in a way (well, actually, it only played during the film's opening titles, so...), but I couldn't resist playing it during Tammy & Jamie's very first kiss (after the pool party).
Part V in the next blog post!!!
