Laura Susan Johnson's Blog, page 3

My website!!!! Argh!!!

{:(

The above is my VERY, VERY, HORRIBLY PISSED OFF FACE!!! KNOW WHY??? BECAUSE Angelfire aka Lycos Inc. deactivated my official site IN SPITE of the fact that I paid for it in September or October (I'll check me bank books!!!) I'm spittin' fire I'm so mad. I really trusted them at one point. I had a website with them from October of 1999 to sometime in 2014, then closed that site down to concentrate on the site for my books. Angelfire/Lycos were once based in Massachusetts (sp?) Now it seems their server is based somewhere in Australia. (No offence Aussies, I love you, but this is some fucked up bullshit right here!)

So, folks, until I have the following domain recovered:
the-house-on-glass-beach.com
I can half-heartedly encourage a visit to the site under its non-domain:
http://www.angelfire.com/ca5/unspoken...

Note: Sadly, when you click on any link on the "unspokenrequest" site, you will be lead to a link that make you believe the whole site is down. If you're really in the mood to see this site, replace "the-house-on-glass-beach.com" in your server window with "angelfire.com/ca5/unspokenrequest/cru..." or "bright.html" . I know...what a pain in the bum!

You can also visit my snack sites for both Crush and Bright, though I haven't updated them lately:

http://crush-the-book.snack.ws
http://bright-the-book.snack.ws

So terribly sorry about any confusion to new visitors hoping to browse my site.

{;( I'm still very angry LOL

But have a jolly New Year!!!! :D

Those things that get in the way of being a normal human!

Sorry it's been a while. I've been in peaks and valleys. I've been in a lot of physical pain since the weather got cold around late November. I've been in a funk/fear since the attacks in Paris and in increasing anger and fear since that nutjob shot up Planned Parenthood in Colorado and that terrorist incident in San Bernardino.

I've decided I'm going to make silent musical vids with text in them for a while. Not only am I hideous to look at lately (too tired to get dressed up and made up and my allergies are making me look like a corpse) but also all my nicest clothes have nowhere to be hanged since my closet collapsed a week or so back. We're fixing it. But most of all, it's that no matter how I try to script a video and keep it on point, I go off on horrifically long tangents and rambles and nobody wants to sit thru that shit. I still have not gotten past chap 2 of Armour because the obsessions with the Cleveland kidnapping case, along with several other terrible serial killer cases have nearly done me in, and crying in a video on top of rambling makes me look like a loon ready for the bin.

Aside from that all is well. I am slowly transitioning back to veganism, and by the first of next year, I plan on being completely back on track. I wanted to tell my family that "all I want for Christmas" is their support, and no smart alecked comments or crap like my dad used to give me. But I think if I just do it quietly, it will be better for me. I've decided to lead by example. Preaching never did me any good. Good news from my editor: BRIGHT will be ready for reals, SOON!!!! It's been a long, long haul, and it's taught me a lot of lessons about the process of storytelling and patience, but now, years after I first published it in Oct. 2013, it will finally be so ready to be enjoyed. I think I will even submit it for contests!!!!

I have a new book trailer for Cold Foot here and on youtube!!!

:D

New Review of CRUSH by Sophia G. Reviews!!!

Introducing a new Blog Book Review site called Sophia G. Reviews!!!

Crush got an excellent review so check it out!!!!

http://sophiagreviews.blogspot.com/20...

The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist part IX

I do believe we are finally on our last part of the Bright dream playlist. I'm sorry it's taken forever for me to post and comment on these wonderful songs, but I think this is probably the last 10 or so.

71.) "Amphetamine Dream" by Annie Barker, from 2007's Mountains and Tumult. I have never heard such a pretty song talking of condoms, taking underwear off, wondering about the power and ability to hurt a person who loves you. This song could be anywhere, but it seems to come to mind when Monty tries to (and sometimes succeeds) get Walter to use club drugs.

72.) "Hearts of Palm" by Idaho from the album of the same name (2000). This hypnotic song is Natalie, feeling her usefulness has expired, that her friends no longer need her. She knows they love her and she loves them, but things have taken a difficult turn, and she feels she needs to move on. But does she really need to put hundreds of miles between herself and her dearest friends? I can see her pulling over to cry...the final lead out of guitar and "ahhhhhh" is Natalie meeting her friends in the driveway and getting "mauled" by them while she talks of a house "two streets away". LOL

73.) "Blinding Lights" by Stendhal Syndrome, from 2010's Blinding Lights. This song encompasses the theme of blindness, brightness, lies, truth, deception, candor, superficiality, and depth. It almost seems as though it's coming from the viewpoints of Lucienne and Helena.

74.) "Home Is A Fire" by Death Cab For Cutie, from Codes and Keys (2011). This is the scene of the house fire. The soaring nature of this lovely song reminds me of leaping flames, consuming everything they touch, chasing Monty and Walter, trying to kill them, while they crawl along the floor, terrified and desperate to survive.

75.) "Breathing" by Kate Bush, from her 1980 album Never For Ever. This is Bush's miniature magnum opus, a symphony of fear and sadness, a struggle for life as death tries to snuff it out. It is a song about a foetus who is aware of impending doom outside the womb, a song of incredible beauty and survival. It is a song of one's mother, the beloved one. While Walter fights silently to live after it has been confirmed that his heart has been further damaged, Monty and his father Darius continue to burn the healing candle and wait as patiently as they can for the Spirit to do what is best. After all that has happened to them, Monty agonizes that it may be too late to have the life he finally realises was always meant for him. Walter sleeps, but behind closed eyes, he is aware that his body is trying to betray him yet another time. Monty is home, for good, but if Walter dies now... "Sometimes I see Jayne." This is a song about the connection a child always has with their mother, long after the cord is cut. Why am I talking so much about this particular song and its role in Bright? Because it's the very first Kate Bush song I'd ever heard, and it's the most beautiful, most dark, and most important song she has ever sung, and, except perhaps for the fire scene, it's the most important moment in the book, when Walter gathers every ounce of strength he has to live on, so that he and Monty can at last have the lives they want and deserve. The only remake of this song that I like is from The Anarchy Club on the 2014 album Pulling Back the Veil.

76.) "Little Lights" by Ane Brun feat. Syd Matters, from her 2005 album, Duets. After Helena savagely attacks and tries to strangle Walter to death, and when our weary narrators return home from being evaluated in hospital, Monty runs a hot bath for Walter, whose lethargy makes Monty wonder if Helena choked away Walter's spirit.

77.) "Cruel" by Annie Barker, from 2011's "...for a better place...". This cryptic and beautiful tune calls to mind when, just days into their new marriage, Monty finds Walter unconscious on the bathroom floor. He takes him to hospital, and there, for the first time, Walter and Monty talk about how neither of them will ever be able to outrun death forever.

78.) "Black Widow" by the Superhumanoids, from 2013's Exhibitionists. "Should have pulled your teeth 10 years ago." But how can one protect one's self from a venomous family member who has manipulated and/or abused them as long as they've known them? A song of futility, of finally realizing the damage done, hopefully not too late.

And last but not least...

79.) We open with Kate Bush, and we close with her. Like Cloudbusting, our last song is about Monty seeking shelter and support from his father, Darius. Lucienne has died. Monty is feeling just this side of insane, believing that Lucienne is now free to torment him wherever he goes. "Snowflake", from Bush's latests 2011 album "50 Words For Snow", is about a boy, telling the story of a snowflake, falling far from the sky, with a "broken heart" a "fabulous dance" and a "fleeting song". Another voice responds, "The world is so loud...keep falling...I'll find you."

In spite of the order these songs are in on these blogs, rest assured, Bright is a story with a HEA. I would not have written it otherwise. Like Tammy and Jamie in Crush, Monty and Walter travel from heaven to hell and back again, and in the end, they are happy, having fought tyranny together, and apart, for each other and for the ones they love.

The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist part VIII

61.) "Because I Told You So" by Jonatha Brooke, from her 1999 album 10 Cent Wings. This is the song about Monty asking forgiveness for leaving Walter, and Walter asking forgiveness for allowing Helena to wreck their happy home.

62.) "I Don't Care Anymore" by Phil Collins, from Hello, I Must Be Going (1982). Monty's mother Lucienne disowns her son when she finds out that he has been seeing an older man in the church while they are missionaries in the Dominican Republic. Shortly after, Monty is sent to Indiana to live with his aunt and uncle.

63.) "The Song of Solomon" by Kate Bush, from 1993's The Red Shoes. Late at night on the first evening Monty spends in Walter's house, Monty and Walter make out and nearly have sex in the living room, only a short distance away from Helena's bedroom. Monty wants it to happen, but Walter is afraid for many reasons. He's afraid of Helena finding out he's gay (which he himself has only just admitted), he's afraid he'll be hurt by Monty, whom he barely knows. He wants to know Monty better before being physical, but Monty is of the attitude of "Don't want your bullshit, just want your sexuality..." Monty believes he is jaded, "sick of love" and has no idea that the more time he spends with Walter, the more he will fall in love.

64.) "Pretty Boy Game" by Annie Barker, from Mountains and Tumult (2007). This is a "make up sex" song. Monty tries to convince Walter that experimenting sexually will "enrich" their relationship, but Walter will have none of it. There is no longer any actual cheating in Bright, but the temptations are still there for Monty, and Walter isn't sure if Monty is deceiving him or not.

65.) "Astrida" by Idaho, from 2000's Hearts of Palm. This is the song that plays during that amazing night that Monty and Walter spend in the dugout. They become intimate without actually going all the way, and Walter shows Monty his beautiful handcrafted jewelry and the sewing projects he did with his friend Ruby before he went blind.

66.) "Otherside" by Jen Gloeckner, from her 2004 album Miles Away. Lucienne Montgomery dies of brain cancer, and Monty, thinking he'd feel "freed" by her death, instead feels like his mother is watching him and condemning him. Now he realises the "hold" Helena has always had over Walter.

67.) "And Dream of Sheep,Under Ice," and "Waking The Witch" by Kate Bush, from 1985's Hounds Of Love. These three eerie songs are part of a long musical piece called "The Ninth Wave" on side 2 of the album. The songs describe both Walter and Monty. Walter, in his struggle to recover from Helena's assault, is barely conscious, but he remembers the frigid January night when Monty nearly died in the Snake River, the agony of the water. "I'm speeding, past dreaming..." Monty, too, feels the pain of the cold and realises he has been playing a game with death. He hears voices pleading with him to wake up, hears the paramedics urging him to survive. Walter, in his comatose state, hears accusing voices calling him a witch, trying to drown him, saying he has a demon, declaring him guilty. Then he realises the truth again, that the woman who tried to murder him is the real witch. "Wake up, love," he hears Monty saying. "Look who's here to see you!" Natalie says.

68.) "The Reeling" by Passion Pit, from their 2009 debut album Manners. This upbeat electronica is one of many that could have played at the Cloverleaf. I've never heard a quintet of boys sing in such high soprano voices.

69.) "Ghosts" by Laura Marling, from Alas I Cannot Swim (2008) plays during the scene where Walter asks Monty to marry him. Monty is taken aback, terrified of the prospect of giving himself to anyone, and ends up fleeing from Walter to spend 2 lonely, miserable nights in a motel in Elko, NV, before deciding he cannot live without Walter.

70.) "Moving" by Kate Bush, from 1978's The Kick Inside. Yes, it's Kate Bush again. With the reworking of Bright, I found that Bush's best songs make up much of the musical "voice" for my book. When Monty wakes up in hospital after his accident and first lays conscious eyes on Walter at his bedside, he virtually falls in love at first sight, and when Walter touches Monty's face searching for injuries, Monty is hopelessly trapped. The song could play a second time later when Monty sees that Walter has been healed and is dancing around the kitchen making pancakes.

Part IX on the way!

The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist part VII

51.) "Miles Away" by Jen Gloeckner, from her 2004 album of the same name. This meloncholy song describes Monty to a tee when he realises that life in the fast lane with Shane Levander and company isn't all it's cracked up to be, and he knows he made a horrible mistake cursing Walter and Natalie out and deserting them to deal with Helena on their own. He wants to go home, but he's both too ashamed, and too proud, to call or email them. He is "miles away from any logical place."

52.) "Sign of the Zodiac" by Rasputina, from How We Quit The Forest (1998). This is a song about healing, about how someone who feels alone and unloved must be reminded that he/she is surrounded by family who love them and will be by their side through the worst of times. This is Monty's Sweat ceremony song. Cleansing, treating wounds or infections/toxins, believing in God and in family. It describes ancient medical treatments, such as bloodletting, used from medieval times all the way through modern eras. Rasputina is a very talented group of ladies who incorporate the cello into their haunting music.

53.) "I Saw A Light" by Bat For Lashes, from 2007's "Fur and Gold". A tragic song that seems to be inspired by some real life tragic event, this song describes a person's epithany after witnessing something terrible. Beautiful, but dark enough to raise gooseflesh, this is the song of Natalie's realisation that she is being destroyed by her own anger after the death of her mother Sharon and the sickening discovery of her father's child pornography. Perhaps she has visions, of herself being ruined beyond hope, or perhaps she sees what could happen to Walter and Monty if she doesn't move to live with them. Maybe she reads between the lines and knows without knowing that the fate of her two close friends will be bad unless she intervenes. Can she save herself, and them? Suicidal people, sleepwalking children, sadness...And so Natalie makes the decision to search for something new.

54.) "Beautiful Life" by Annie Barker, from "Mountains and Tumult" (2007). This would be a most perfect song for imaginary end credits. It describes a love that has come full circle. Someone planned to escape but their "plans fell through".

55.) "Into This Dream" by Stendhal Syndrome from 2012's Winter Is Coming. This song, too, is about Monty's regret. He knows how stupid he has been. He's been ejected from Shane's world, he is now homeless and broke, and he is about to do what only the most desperate people do, call his Aunt Samantha, and beg her forgiveness for his role in her daughter Krystal's death. He then learns that his mother Lucienne has brain cancer.

56.) "Osaka Dub" by Hopscotch, from the 2003 album Cinema. Jerome Yarbro has just died, and Walter is overcome with feelings of grief and of his own physical and mental exhaustion resulting from dealing with Helena's lack of respect for Jerome's posthumous wishes. The theme of "birds" and freedom is evident in this song. Sometimes we wish we could "shade our eyes from the light...birds can fly...why oh why can't I?"

57.) "The Sensual World" by Kate Bush, from the 1989 album of the same name. A song of joy, of happiness, of being in love, of hope, of possibility, of the future. This was the ONLY song to use in the beautiful scene in which Walter harvests sperm from Monty for their very first attempt to create a baby. There is nothing but positivity in this song. I love the use of old Irish instruments, drums, flutes, etc. Beautiful.

57.) "Hospital/Apartment" by Barbara Streisand, from the movie soundtrack for her 1987 movie, Nuts. These were placed out of order by yours truly here. The Apartment is for the miscarriage of Darius Jerome (D.J.), and the hospital is for Betsy Marie. Why these pieces? The Apartment is a little more upbeat. They've lost a baby for the first time, but hope is still strong. The Hospital piece is darker, like waning hope. Now they've lost 2 children. What if they can never conceive a child? This music shrouds the moments in which the family sadly places the cremains of their two precious babies into the beautiful urns Monty has carved. They buy tiny caskets and fill them with baby clothing and toys to bury. This would never truly go into a movie soundtrack should that happen for real, but when I was writing these sad scenes, I was in a numb depression and I couldn't express myself properly. Then I watched Nuts on DVD, and this music set my emotions free. I cried and cried, and I knew it was right.

58.) "Mouth Of Mars" by Jen Gloeckner from her 2010 album of the same name. Wind chimes, soft drums, mysterious tones, and lyrics about "healing all of our scars", slowly building to an orgasmic crescendo of sounds from beyond the sky, louder and louder. Soaring up, then floating down. Monty harvests from Walter for the 2nd attempt by fisting him. When Monty presents the idea to Walter, Walter is terrified to put it mildly. Surely such an act could end up injuring or disfiguring him, right? But Monty has been both giver and recipient before. The act joins them together in ways neither of them could have imagined. There is joy, but the dark tone of the song conveys the fact that they've lost one baby, and there's no guarantee that they will not lose a second.

59.) "The Man With The Child In His Eyes" by Kate Bush, from her 1978 album "The Kick Inside". This is the lonely song for when Walter self harvests for a 3rd attempt. They've lost D.J. and Betsy. Monty has stormed off in a rage and may never return. Walter is grieving the loss of his husband, and still wants a child, and he wants Monty here to help him do his part. He feels Monty's presence in spite of the miles between them. "I'm so worried about my man. I just took a trip on my love for him." Monty has always been somewhat of a child at heart, in every way. In the official Kate Bush music video for this song, she is wearing a shimmering pink/nude body suit, and sometimes you see 3 images of her singing at once. I always imagine that this is symbolic of Monty, Walter, and Natalie being a team of 3, and that perhaps Natalie is the "Kate" closest to the camera. She is their guardian and protector in so many ways. The images in this video remind me of a naked person, alone, yet not alone, trying to continue the dream they always shared with their loved one. The heartbreak Walter must feel after Monty had promised never to leave him ever again, and the helplessness Natalie must feel while she watches Walter struggle to hold onto hope. This was the first song Kate Bush ever demo'd in her quest to become a singer.

60.) "Siren Song" by Bat For Lashes, from 2009's Two Suns. This takes place when Monty shows up to thank Walter for saving him in the river. Walter begs Monty to move in and stay, but the lyrics of this song are Monty's. He wants to stay. He already loves Walter too, but he's afraid that his duality will ruin everything. He has an evil, selfish side in spite of his best intentions. He wants to care for Walter, but he's afraid he will only break Walter's heart. "It won't be long until you break." Natasha Khan, the singer in Bat For Lashes, created an alter ego named Pearl for her Two Suns album. What is a pearl? A beautiful, dazzling, yet hardened perfection created by irritation and invasion of a foreign badness into tender tissues. Reminder, these songs aren't in order. The scenes and the songs I'm talking about are in a random order because of how I added them to the youtube list.

Part VIII coming next!

The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist part VI

41.) "You Belong To Me" by Carly Simon, from the 1978 album "Boys in the Trees". This song plays overhead at Stack's restaurant in San Francisco during the time that Monty, Walter, Natalie, Tammy and Jamie all happen to be at Pride 2012 together. Natalie feels a compulsion to meet Monty and Walter after seeing them march with their PFLAG group in the parade.

42.) "Sleep Alone" by Bat For Lashes, from 2009's Two Suns. This is the song for when Walter wakes up alone in his bed after his first long, glorious night with Monty. Afraid Helena has thrown Monty out, Walter tearfully runs to the dugout, and to his relief, Monty is there.

43.) "Destroyed" by Lilyvolt, from their self titled 1995 album. Lilyvolt is the band that Kate Donnellon belonged to before she joined Hopscotch. This is the one song from Peggy's, Tammy's and Jamie's POV as they worry about Natalie's depression following the abrupt death of her mother, Sharon, and her anger and depression that spawned from the discovery of the photos in her mother's dresser. "It's a crying shame you fell apart..." This song was featured in the opening credits of an indie film called "Road Kill", one of my favorites!

44.) "Erotic City" by George Clinton and Parliament. The real 1984 Prince song is the one I include in this playlist. However, Prince has vehemently forbidden YouTube to ever post videos made from his music ( tried to make a fan vid of Erotic City and it was blocked globally LOL), so on the YouTube playlist, I am using this version from Clinton instead. This song actually "appears" in Bright, when Monty laughingly explains to Walter that even though the melody is cool and the chipmunk voice is interesting, the lyrics are really...shall we say, sexy? It appears to be about a couple who "can't make babies, but can fuck until the dawn". It could be a hetero couple with an infertile party, or it could be a gay couple.

45.) "Ten Years Gone" by Led Zeppelin, from Physical Graffiti (1975). Speaking of fucking until dawn, this beautiful tune is the backdrop for the long, joyful, but exhaustive night Monty and Walter share following Jerome Yarbro's funeral. There is a lyric about "first times". Perfect.

46.) "Love" by Daughter, from 2012's Wild Youth. This is a song about Walter's deepest despair. He sees Xander, John, and tons of men flirting with Monty. He knows he's sick, and feels less attractive than these men fawning all over the one he's in love with. The lyrics indicate an actual cheating case, but I love the song so much I can't trade it in, and it's very good at conveying anger, sadness and clinging to hope with white knuckles, feelings that reside in Walter at all times.

47.) "Houdini" by Kate Bush, from The Dreaming (1982). This is a song about Harry Houdini and his wife Rosabel. Though it was later revealed that Houdini died of peritonitis rather than during one of his death-defying water torture stunts, this song is gorgeous, operatic, and evokes the whole gamut of emotions, including erotic love:
"With a kiss, I'd pass the key, and feel your tongue, teasing and receiving..." Walter is passing co-authority over the home to Monty, and denying Helena anything more. And it could also be Monty, granting Walter the key Monty has seldom before given to anyone: the key to his heart and soul.
"Through the glass, I watch you breathe, bound and drowned, and paler than you've ever been..." Through an invisible barrier that separates them because of recent events, or through Walter's bedroom window, Monty watches Walter suffer from the disease that both binds and drowns him. Or...Walter, under the icy water, a calm, glassy surface disturbed, and Walter sees Monty, trapped, beginning to drown. "With your life, the only thing in my mind, we pull you from the water..."
This song perfectly describes both Monty and Walter remembering happier times in their lives. Now Monty is filled with regret about leaving Walter for months, and Walter is angry that Monty took the "key" to his heart and ran with it. Corny? Indeed. But fitting.

48.) "Neon Moon" by Brooks & Dunn, from the 1991 album Brand New Man. This is another song that "appears" in the book, when Monty reluctantly accepts a request to slow dance with Shane Levander in a tavern/club somewhere along Shane's rodeo tour. I'm not much of a country music lover, but I always thought this song was quite heartfelt.

49.) "One on One" by Hall & Oates, from 1982's H2O. "I'm tired of playing on the team, ooh it seems I don't get time out anymore..." This always felt like a song of Monty tiring of trying to boost up membership for the PFLAG branch he, Walter, Xander, John, and a few others tried to start in Snake River. It could also play on 80s night in the Cloverleaf.

50.) "Blind" by The Brothers Movement, from their self titled 2009 debut. This Dublin based bare bones rock band sings a song of anger, denial, and separation. It's always been my longtime choice for the scene in which Walter tries to reason with a drunken Monty, who believes he's being cheated out of his turn to provide what necessary for a 3rd attempt at pregnancy. Walter and Natalie, noticing the return of Monty's alcoholism, stand their ground, worried about birth defects and other adverse conditions in the baby. They refuse to let Monty "take his turn" so he angrily leaves, for months. The lyrics describe Monty's anger at Walter for allowing Helena to live in his house as well.

Gee, that was rather long winded. Time to quit for a while. Part VII coming soon!

The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist part V

Hi all. Sorry for the long absence in the middle of my playlist blog, but I've been working day and night on revisions for Bright. Thank you to my beta readers who have provided such great feedback, and thank you to my editor Debbie for all your encouragement and of course, your patience with "The Queen of Ellipses" and "Tinker Bell"!!! :D

We now return you to our regularly scheduled blog about the songs that contributed their audible beauty and mood to my novel, Bright!

31.) "Prelude/Prologue" from 2005's "Aerial" by the REAL queen of prog rock and dreampop, Kate Bush. In my rewrites of Bright, I ended up tossing away some former selections in favor of songs that would provide feelings of depth, more genuine emotion, and undeniable eroticism, and who better to turn to than the lovely lady who has spent some 40 years gifting us with unique, beautiful, textured music? "Prelude/Prologue" is only the intro portion to the long piece on side 2 of Aerial, "An Endless Sky of Honey". Where would I use this? The prologue of course, in which Natalie contemplates leaving Walter's house, with or without him, and in which Walter refuses to give up the hope that Monty will return from where he fled to when he got angry at Walter. (Opening creds?)

32.) "Kissed Me" by Annie Barker, from "Mountains and Tumult" (2007). This is the song that plays on the honeymoon night of Walter and Monty as they celebrate in Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island, BC Canada. A song of the music of love and of the senses.

33.) "Another January" by Jen Gloeckner. I think my eyes must be screwing up on me. I couldn't find this track on the lists of either "Miles Away" 2004 or "Mouth of Mars" 2010. Well, wherever this song comes from, it is a beautiful translation of Natalie's feelings as she walks around outside, contemplating the situation that has developed. Feelings for Walter she shouldn't have, feelings of regret for becoming a surrogate for a couple that is now torn apart. The coldness that surrounds her in spite of it being summer.

34.) "Five Seconds" by Twin Shadow, from Confess (2012) This is a song that could be played at the Cloverleaf but also reflects Monty's feelings about Walter's insecurities and suspicions, and about Walter's feelings of not being able to shake his insecurities. A lot of this song is very reminiscent of Billy Idol's stuff <3

35.) "Lover of Mine" by Beach House from Teen Dream (2010). An electronic dream pop husband/wife band, Beach House has produced an entrancing song here. This is where Walter meets Xander and John for the first time, and immediately believes that Monty has slept with one or both of them. Insecurity is a horrible monkey on one's back.

36.) "Miss Me Blind" by Culture Club, from the 1983 album "Colour By Numbers". Played on 80s night at the Cloverleaf, I've decided this is the song that will be playing while the big obnoxious cowboy guy with the chaps tries to force himself onto Walter. So that other song? "Fucking Problems" by A$AP Rocky and company? That's for Shane Levander, the cowboy Monty meets in Vegas. It's official. Cause Shane likes "bad bitches".

37.) "Swollen" by Jack Off Jill, from 1998's Sexless Demons and Scars. This female screamo band has a checkered history including being associated with Marilyn Manson, accusations of lewd conduct, and all kinds of other interesting stuff. But never mind that! This song is killer, and it describes Walter's anger and confusion after his best friend Ruby decides he's a "bad influence" after she returns to church.

38.) "How Deep Is Your Love?" by Keith Sweat, from 1988's "Make it Last Forever". This is my absolute favorite of KS. An old school jam with a mega bassline. It could be an instrumental only and I would still use it, because that bass. It's all about that bass. Monty will forever remember this song as the backdrop for unrequited love. His handsome first love, Theirry, who lived in the Dominican Republic but abruptly returned to his birthplace Jamaica, broke Monty's heart.

39.) "Fingertips" by Emiliana Torrini, from "Love In The Time of Science" (2000). This is the only song that works when Walter and Monty have their very first real kiss in the dugout. Such an amazing tune!

40.) "My Beautiful Rescue" by This Providence, from their self titled 2006 album. Monty, Walter, and Natalie go to Boise to stay with Kendall and Gina after the horrible fire. These are brighter times (excuse pun) for everyone. Kendall embarrasses Monty and Walter when she describes the night they met in the icy Snake River.

Part VI on the way!

The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist part IV

21.) "The Rain Song" by Led Zeppelin, from Houses of the Holy (1973). Easily the most beautiful song from this beloved band, perhaps one of the most beautiful songs of all time, rivaled only by Zeppelin's own "Stairway To Heaven" and "Ten Years Gone" (more about the latter later on). The lyrics of "The Rain Song" describe someone who loves someone through good times and bad. Unfortunately, this is from Natalie Mattheis' POV. This song plays its calm beauty through the frightening scene in which Walter is forced to undergo a thoracentesis. The fluid in his heart and lungs is no longer being controlled by diuretics and a low sodium diet, so he must have a needle inserted into his lung. He is in hysterics, and as the doctors try to keep him calm, Natalie gently kisses Walter's forehead. Drugged, but still aware enough to be terrified of the procedure, he kisses Natalie's chin in pitiful gratitude. Natalie's always had a special affection for Walter, a secret crush she knows will never go anywhere, but when Walter kisses her, she's more aware than ever before that she loves him. Moments later, he jerks and the needle goes in too deep, and Walter ends up having to have a chest tube placed to reinflate a collapsed lung.

22.) "Forgotten" and "Forgotten: Reprise" by the Gathering, from 2006's "Home". The first, shorter version of Forgotten is in my head when Walter decides to visit Helena in the Behavioral Health hospital she was placed in after the attempted murder and the disclosure that she is mentally ill. Walter refuses to hate her, but he also doesn't know if he'll ever trust her again, or if he'll ever let her see his and Monty's children. "I tried." A very sad lyric, but can you blame him? As for the "reprise" version, this plays during Jerome's funeral. Helena and her pastor have turned what is supposed to be a ceremony of reverence into a holy roller party. Walter and his sister Kendall are both disgusted, and as usual, Walter feels the same impotent hatred for his stepmother. But Monty, seeing Walter weeping angrily, takes his hand. Startled, Walter turns and looks into Monty's eyes, and his anger disappears as he remembers the happiest moments of his life that occured only a short time before the funeral.

23.) "Searching" by Roy Ayers, from 1976's Vibrations. This is a sweet song, sung by a chorale (is that the right word for a group of singers?) and seasoned with saxophone and of course the vibraphone, for which Ayers is legend. Just a pleasant song about searching for love. It's the song on the radio of the rent-a-wreck Monty drives in search of Walter's home.

24.) "The Flame" by Six Part Invention, from Stripped and Covered (2013). This wonderful Filipino band has covered everyone from Cheap Trick to Guns N Roses. I always loved Cheap Trick's 80s version of this song, but when I listen to it now, it seems very dated (not the case with many of their 70s classics!) and I really loved Six Part Invention's version. This song illustrates Walter's agony after Monty angrily left him.

25.) "Digital Bath" by Deftones, from 2000's White Pony. This song is just plain all about Monty driving into the river, being rescued, and feeling like "more". Making "water warm", a "cord breaking away..." These are cryptic, yet perfect lyrics for the moment Monty met Walter.

26.) "Cloudbusting" by Kate Bush and also by Wild Nothing. I love both versions of this song. First let's talk about what the song is truly about: Austrian Wilhelm Reich's invention of a "rainmaking" device. Reich and his son Peter (played by Donald Sutherland and Kate Bush respectively in the official music video). Reich was seen by the "men in power" as a threat. Outspoken against fascism and filled with interesting research ideas about human behavior, he was arrested, and sadly, died in jail. So why this song? It's about a boy trying to reach his father. This is Monty's song. Once he is reunited with Darius, he will absolutely not let him out of sight again. Monty "comes out" to Darius, and I love the line "your son is coming out."

27.) "These Walls" by Stendhal Syndrome, from 2010's Blinding Lights. Having chased Monty out of Walter's home, Helena abruptly decides to go to Kansas City to visit her sister. Walter, blind, unable to drive or cook, is left alone in the house. Feeling scared and becoming sick because of his anxiety, Walter spends 2 days alone, trying to use the TV for "friendly noise", missing Monty, praying for him to come home.

28.) "Home" by Daughter, from The Wild Youth (2011). This is obviously about a troubled individual seeking comfort with someone they are in love with. This is the song for the scene in which Walter blindly drives behind Monty into Snake River. Walter had been traumatized by a radio show Helena was listening to and was so terrified he had to leave. Desperate to forget the voice of the woman on the radio, to forget the terror his stepmother takes joy in inflicting upon him, Walter asks Monty to "help him forget." "I don't stand a chance in those 4 walls. I've hardly slept since he left. Keep the nightmares out, give me mouth to mouth."

29.) "Broken Wings" by Stendhal Syndrome, from Blinding Lights. Monty and Walter spend the night in the motel after Walter ran away from the house. This song, to me, is about Helena and Lucienne. Its lyrics are strange and oppressive, and honestly, they speak to the dangerous and destructive attitudes they have been given about their own children. "You're into trouble, your angel can't fly. Broken wings are broken hearts." These women have been blessed with angels who only want to love them and be loved in return, but Helena and Lucienne are clipping wings, clipping beaks, locking their sons in cages.

30.) "Prayer For The Dying" by Seal, from Seal II (1994). This song plays during the long illness and death of Jayne Yarbro of throat/esophageal cancer.

Part V coming soon!

The BRIGHT dream soundtrack/playlist part III

I forgot to say that the songs I'm listing in these playlists are not necessarily in chronological order as they would happen in the story. The same goes for the CRUSH list. I'll straighten them up asap.

I had part III all typed out last nite, but I hit a stray button, and all the work was obliterate. I just love my muscle relaxer! I think I'll go online an see if it has a side effect of making you feel like you drank half a bottle of whiskey!

11.) "When We're Dancing" by Twin Shadow, from 2010's Forget. A revelation from the Dominican Republic, Twin Shadow's music style is unique to itself, yet filled with 80s and 90s nostalgia. Bright is going thru some major positive and constructive change and I am learning good lessons about being a new author. "When We're Dancing" is a song that reflects insecurities rather than deceit, and experiencing temptation and deciding not to act on it.

12.) "Bright" by Hopscotch,from the 2003 album Cinema. In spite of the title, I don't consider this the theme of Bright. But I would like to. It's a song about a dream that feels out of reach, and about time running out. This song also appeared in an obscure yet charming film called "This Space Between Us", about a man who becomes widowed at a very young age. The song is basically about having a few golden years of opportunity to become what you want, to fulfill your dreams. Walter and Monty want a family, but time is never on their side.

13.) "Ghetto Birds" by Annie Barker, from 2012's "...for a better place." Another artist I adore who just happens to have worked with Robin Guthrie, wow! I could compare Barker with Kate Bush...angelic voice, femininity in their politics, ladies singing in their own universe, dreamy, ethereal (I overuse this word, I know.) The message I get from this song is that someone keeps making suggestions to somebody else. "If you don't stop talking your slimy advice, I'm going to scrape out my eyes."

14.) "Right Down The Line" by Gerry Rafferty, from 1978's City To City. This Scottish legend's smooth, mellow sounds are the kind that can lower your blood pressure. Baker Street was a classic, and its themes of someone running after a life that doesn't exist certainly could have been added to this dream playlist, but I chose rather the more cheerful "Right Down The Line". It was placed into a wedding video for my aunt and uncle, and it really is a sweet song. So it ended up being a wedding song for Monty an Walter. Again, just replace "woman" with "darlin'" and it's perfect. Rafferty had the prettiest male voice in music IMO.

15.) "Fucking Problems" by A$AP Rocky, Drake, Kendrick Lamar and 2 Chainz. Well, here's one of my weird-ass ones. This, to me, is even more offensive in lyrics than "Sex Room", but I like the melody. I'm certifiably insane I suppose. At first I thought it was a good song for the scenes in which Monty is hit on, and then insulted by the big cowboy guy in the chaps, who proceeds to go to the loo and take a leak. There, he sees Walter, and attempts to solicit him, and when Walter refuses, attempts to force himself on Walter. But I'm not sure. Perhaps this unlikable song would go better with the character Shane, the rodeo rider who loves the male ass, but likes to pretend he's hetero in order to keep his lady fans around. Decisions, decisions.

16.) "You're Not Good Enough" by Blood Orange, from Cupid Deluxe (2013). The lyrics are obvious in this captivating retro-R&B flavored song: someone believes someone is cheating on them, but continues to let the person into the house. The narrator of the song tries to convince themselves that this person they love so much isn't even good enough for their love. Are you confused? Yeah I am too. But this song is good! It could play at the Cloverleaf and M and W could dance to it easily.

17.) "Hounds of Love" by Kate Bush, from the album of the same name (1985). The lyrics are of fear and trepidation, but the melody is like a triumph. Monty is terrified of his love for Walter, but he knows there is nothing and nobody else out there who loves him. "I found a fox, caught by dogs. His heart beat so fast." The Fox is Walter, treed by his oppressors, helpless to fight back. Monty remembers his youth, hiding in the dark, in the streets. Now, after spending time in an Elko, NV motel alone and sad, he practically leaps back into his car and races back to Idaho and to Walter, who flies into Monty's arms. "I've always been a coward. I don't know what's good for me. But here I go!"

18.) "Don't Look Back" by Telepopmusik, from the 2005 album Angel Milk. These are Walter's words for Monty, attempting to encourage him not to seek what he needs elsewhere. He still thinks Monty might be cheating on him, but after two days of being deathly sick and alone in the house, Walter will take Monty, no matter what imperfections come with him. Walter loves Monty, and desperately wants Monty to love him the same way.

19.) "Only 1" by Jen Gloeckner from Miles Away (2004). This is yet another revelation of raw talent. If Kate Bush is eccentric and Annie Barker is dreamily strange, Jen Gloeckner is outright enigmatic. I can never find lyrics to my all time fave tune of hers ("Mouth of Mars") and there doesn't seem to be much history about her except that she is from Iowa. But I love her music. Another trailblazer. Unique, dark, lush, creepy at times. "Only 1" describes the terrible change that occurs inside of Walter when Monty leaves him after the fight they had about attempting for a third baby. "I sit here like a loaded gun. I am here but I am the only one." He laments the loss of his husband and attempts to "kill" Helena and Dove by putting soap and carpet powder into their tacos.

20.) "Bonnie and Clyde" by Hopscotch, from 2003's Cinema. This is a remake of the famous French tribute to the infamous 1930s criminal couple who robbed and killed their way across the southern U.S. What has this to do with "Bright?" It's just a song that everyone enjoys. Monty, Walter, Kendall and Gina tell Helena that they are heading to Boise just to visit, maybe go see movies or go bowling, and they play songs like this because they feel like "criminals" evading "the man". They listen to Serge Gainsbourg mostly, but Gina owns the Cinema album by Hopscotch, a band based in San Francisco.

Well, I've outdone myself on long windedness, so we'll continue with part IV asap!