Azra Tabassum's Blog, page 175

I received your book for Christmas and I absolutely love it!

This is crazy I’m getting messages from people telling me that they’ve got my book as a present for Christmas and it still makes me feel so giggly inside that my book gets wrapped up and given to someone and that person is happy (?!?!?!) to have it. Damn.

"He is not a bad person for not being in love with me anymore. To say it out loud. To mean it.To..."

“He is not a bad person for not being

in love with me anymore. To say it out loud. To mean it.

To know it, true as a toothache. To remember how badly

I wanted to have it back, your love. How hard I fought.

But in the end, how even I knew. Like how trees know

to let go of their leaves, that nothing can stop the winter.”

- Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz, from “The End of It” from her book, The Year of No Mistakes (Write Bloody Publishing, 2013) (via rustyvoices)

What does it mean when someone calls you poisonous?

It means that they don’t like you and would rather you leave them alone/not bite them. It’s pretty self explanatory tbh

What does it mean when you're drunk with the boy you've known your entire life at a bar, dancing with interlocked fingers and a hand in the small of my back? No kiss. All eyes.

It means that you should have kissed him.

How do I make him love me?

I can’t stress this enough. You can’t make anyone love you. They either will or they won’t. Nothing you can do is going to change that outcome. 

"I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. But I am your servant...."

“I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. But I am your servant. When you starve, I will feed you; when you are sick I will tend you. I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased. For you alone, I will be weak.”

- Deathless || Catherynne M. Valente 

"You only have to let the soft animal of your bodylove what it loves."

“You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.”

- Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese” 

from the soundtrack of the latest Joss Whedon movie, In Your...

from the soundtrack of the latest Joss Whedon movie, In Your Eyes

When will I be enough

You already are. You always have been. 

"You get a strange feeling when you lose someone you were intimate with. Kind of like you never want..."

“You get a strange feeling when you lose someone you were intimate with. Kind of like you never want to be touched again. Or avoiding letting anyone else put their hands where theirs used to be. It becomes a strange process, letting the relationship die over and over again until you can stop hating anything that comes into contact with you that isn’t them. You resent the shower because all the hot water makes you feel like your body was never theirs. You quit masturbating because their fingers were the last inside of you and you want to keep it that way. You want your insides to become a relic of all the ways they loved you. So it becomes a funny process, you have to bury them and dig them up for every new old thing that you do without them. You kiss another person and think it’s the worst kind of betrayal. You’re angry at your mouth for enjoying it, you’re angry at your mouth for wanting more, and you’re angry at yourself for forgetting what their lips tasted like. That’s how it happens, you barely notice at first. It starts with tiny little things, you forget how they looked in the morning, you forget how their own brand of stubble felt between your thighs, you move on and it’s terrifying and it’s glorious but more than that, it’s freeing. Because you thought you’d never have that again, you’d never want someone so much that it felt like drowning and gasping for air was the most wonderful thing you’d ever done.

So it’s okay, you can say ‘I am so scared that I will never love someone like I loved you’ when they leave, but it won’t be true. It won’t come close to true. Months from now you’ll be in a dark room with another person who turns your body into a lit match and there will be a litany of ‘fucks’ falling in procession from your mouth and they will be more a part of you than anyone has ever been and you’ll feel glorious and more than that, you’ll feel safe. And here is what you’re going to think: I had that moment with you and I am thankful for it. That is it.”

- Azra.T ”You have to dig up some skeletons before you can bury them”