Azra Tabassum's Blog, page 14

haleyincarnate:“Fruit” by Azra Tabassum (@5000letters)

haleyincarnate:

“Fruit” by Azra Tabassum  (@5000letters)

PSA. I am very grateful for the simplicity of love, the quietness of it. How in the absence of...

PSA.

I am very grateful for the simplicity of love, the quietness of it. How in the absence of distance, the constant longing is gone. Instead, my stomach is settled. I am not yearning. I come home to you, we fall asleep together, your habits annoy the fuck out of me. Now, I look at you, weary and sleepy and looking at your phone and think of all the calls, letters, emails, how I wished the world would swallow me towards you. Now I stroke your face, nibble your ear, don’t mind when you shrug me off and think that what we made it.

"Before I am your daughter, Your sister, Your aunt, niece, or cousin, I am my own person, And I will not set fire to myself To keep you warm."

Yes!!!

this might be a lot to ask but how do you do it. how do you deal with leaving your parents after a change? im not sure what your circumstances are but im a bengali girl too and i just dont think i can live pretending i believe in what my parents do

The thing is, I miss my parents every single day. You don’t get over it, you don’t ever stop loving them, you don’t ever stop wanting them to love you. I still want my mum when I get sick or when my stomach hurts, I still want to call her when I make something yummy or when I’ve achieved something and say “hey, you raised me, look how well I’m doing.” But the thing is, my parents never accepted me and that kind of constant pressure means that eventually it explodes. A lot of it is culture and pride unfortunately and I struggle with the idea that those things can’t be sacrificed for love. And don’t get me wrong, they were amazing parents. My mum and dad loved me endlessly and for whatever reason, they couldn’t carry on loving me when I chose to accept and be myself.

5000letters:“I think you should stay. The doctors said there’s a gap between our hands that...

5000letters:

“I think you should stay. The doctors said there’s a gap between our hands that shouldn’t be there. They said that it would stop aching eventually but it would burn until then. They said you can’t be homesick for another person, I don’t believe them though. My legs don’t like walking into rooms that you’re not in. Last night I couldn’t sleep in the bedroom because my knees wouldn’t take me up the stairs. My thighs had told them they missed your hips. Nothing is agreeing with me. I’m going to a cardiologist tomorrow just to make sure they didn’t miss anything. Look, the thing is, I’m already on fire for you, I’m already leaving my doors unlocked and my windows open, I’m hoping you’ll crawl back into bed with me, I’m hoping I’ll wake up with your hands around my neck and your name in my mouth. The doctors will call, I’m sure. They’re going to say ‘there’s a blockage, and it’s leaking but it’s nothing we’ve ever seen before.’ And I’ll tell them ‘yes, it’s my arteries, they’re tying themselves into knots, they miss him too.’”

— Azra.T “I Am Somehow Always in Mid-Search For You.”

5000letters:“I’m awful about your name. I still jump when I hear it. I still feel it rattling...

:

“I’m awful about your name. I still jump when I hear it. I still feel it rattling somewhere in my stomach. I think I’m jealous of anyone that gets to say it because it’s not my right anymore. Years from now I’ll be standing in a supermarket and someone will casually brush past me, your name falling from their mouth like confetti. I’ll drop everything that I’m holding. My knees will wobble in the way they only did when I was with you. Years from now I’ll still remember how your name tasted in my mouth and I’ll have to start missing you all over again.”

— Azra.T “Aisle 3”

Dont leave your mother, I promise she will grow to accept whatever it is. All the best Azra.

I’ve not left her. She’s left me.

emmacharlottewatson:“Here’s to strong women. May we know them....

emmacharlottewatson:

“Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them”

Happy International Women’s Day!

For my mother, on international women’s day: you are fragile and bare boned. You nearly died giving...

For my mother, on international women’s day: you are fragile and bare boned. You nearly died giving birth to me. You are small and loud and I get these things from you. You are small and terrible, I don’t get this from you. You learned your anxiety. I learned your anxiety. Sometimes I miss you so much that my teeth ache. I am amazed that you created me gentle, that we grew around each other, that we’ve grown so far apart. I should have paid more attention, I should have learned the Bengali things only you could have taught me. I promise that I say your name with mouthfuls of longing. I promise that I think of you, sleepless and awed, my Ammoo, little and fierce, bitter in the storm.

Are you a lesbian if you don't mind me asking?

I’m not, no. Wish I was. Girls are soft and brilliant.