James Field's Blog, page 29
July 18, 2020
In the last post: Screams woke Bert on the scaffolding. During the night, he'd become a murderer...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 27
"What are you doing up there?” barked Chief Inspector Dobbs, squinting up at the scaffolding in the sun’s early morning brightness. He sported a thin dressing gown with baggy pockets and shapeless sleeves. His spindly chalk-white ankles poked out from below the dressing gown’s hem, ending with his bare feet stuffed into a pair of floppy dog-chewed slippers. “Get down here immediately.”
Bert swung over the scaffolding’s side and clambered down the ladder one slow step at a time. As soon as his line of vision passed below the platform's edge, and he could clearly see Lance hanging by his neck, his chest tightened about his heart.
“Oh, Gawd,” he said, and his eyes swelled with tears. His knees shook, and so much bile rose in his throat that he couldn’t move up or down the ladder. He clung to it; his shoulders quaking in sobs. “I’m so sorry,” he bawled. “I wish I hadn’t done anything so stupid. I wish it was me hanging there.”
Last night, in a rage of jealousy, he’d planned to execute Dick Charmer; how Lance had ended in his noose he couldn’t guess.
What would life be like with Lance gone? Lance was one of the kindest men he'd known. Everybody admired and respected him, except maybe his best mate and partner, Alf, who deemed him a pompous old git. “What have I done?”
“That’s what I’d like to know,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs. “Get down here and explain yourself.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on: bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in: What on Earth.
-
Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 27
"What are you doing up there?” barked Chief Inspector Dobbs, squinting up at the scaffolding in the sun’s early morning brightness. He sported a thin dressing gown with baggy pockets and shapeless sleeves. His spindly chalk-white ankles poked out from below the dressing gown’s hem, ending with his bare feet stuffed into a pair of floppy dog-chewed slippers. “Get down here immediately.”
Bert swung over the scaffolding’s side and clambered down the ladder one slow step at a time. As soon as his line of vision passed below the platform's edge, and he could clearly see Lance hanging by his neck, his chest tightened about his heart.
“Oh, Gawd,” he said, and his eyes swelled with tears. His knees shook, and so much bile rose in his throat that he couldn’t move up or down the ladder. He clung to it; his shoulders quaking in sobs. “I’m so sorry,” he bawled. “I wish I hadn’t done anything so stupid. I wish it was me hanging there.”
Last night, in a rage of jealousy, he’d planned to execute Dick Charmer; how Lance had ended in his noose he couldn’t guess.
What would life be like with Lance gone? Lance was one of the kindest men he'd known. Everybody admired and respected him, except maybe his best mate and partner, Alf, who deemed him a pompous old git. “What have I done?”
“That’s what I’d like to know,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs. “Get down here and explain yourself.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on: bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in: What on Earth.
-
Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay
July 14, 2020
In the last post: Olive knew she'd broken her fiance's heart, but hadn't expected him to commit suicide...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 26
At the sound of Olive’s screams, Bert cracked his eyes open and squinted at his surroundings. The rising sun shone beneath the lip of a thin cloud and crows screeched above his head.
For a moment, he couldn't figure out why he was sleeping on the scaffolding above his fiancé’s front door, but then the memory struck him like a clash of symbols. In a fit of blind jealousy, he’d planned to drop a noose over Dick Charmer's neck and hang him to death. But Olive had come home alone in the middle of the night, and while waiting for her lover to sneak in later, he’d fallen asleep.
The falling asleep part hadn’t been part of his plan, but then again nothing had gone to plan. Olive's screams certainly weren't part of it, and they'd come from right below him. He peeked between the scaffolding floorboards and his heart froze. Someone was hanging by the neck in his noose.
From the clothing, it looked frightfully like Lance, The Cloud Estate’s gardener. Only just yesterday he'd said he felt like committing suicide. Bert asked himself if the stupid sod had found the noose and taken the opportunity, or whether it had been an accident in the dark. Either way, it was Bert's fault and the shock made him gulp air like a dead fish. During the night, Lance had perished, making Bert an executioner.
“What in damnation is going on here?” The voice belonged to Chief Inspector Dobbs and Bert wondered if it were possible to creep away over the roof and down the other side unnoticed? But as he clambered to his feet, the scaffolding groaned and creaked under his weight.
“Who’s up there?”
A foul taste in Bert’s mouth made him swallow hard. He scrubbed his face with his hands, strove to appear as virtuous as an innocent baby angel, and leaned over the scaffolding’s railing. “Morning, Inspector," he stammered. "Anything wrong?"
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by KDArtStudio from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 26
At the sound of Olive’s screams, Bert cracked his eyes open and squinted at his surroundings. The rising sun shone beneath the lip of a thin cloud and crows screeched above his head.
For a moment, he couldn't figure out why he was sleeping on the scaffolding above his fiancé’s front door, but then the memory struck him like a clash of symbols. In a fit of blind jealousy, he’d planned to drop a noose over Dick Charmer's neck and hang him to death. But Olive had come home alone in the middle of the night, and while waiting for her lover to sneak in later, he’d fallen asleep.
The falling asleep part hadn’t been part of his plan, but then again nothing had gone to plan. Olive's screams certainly weren't part of it, and they'd come from right below him. He peeked between the scaffolding floorboards and his heart froze. Someone was hanging by the neck in his noose.
From the clothing, it looked frightfully like Lance, The Cloud Estate’s gardener. Only just yesterday he'd said he felt like committing suicide. Bert asked himself if the stupid sod had found the noose and taken the opportunity, or whether it had been an accident in the dark. Either way, it was Bert's fault and the shock made him gulp air like a dead fish. During the night, Lance had perished, making Bert an executioner.
“What in damnation is going on here?” The voice belonged to Chief Inspector Dobbs and Bert wondered if it were possible to creep away over the roof and down the other side unnoticed? But as he clambered to his feet, the scaffolding groaned and creaked under his weight.
“Who’s up there?”
A foul taste in Bert’s mouth made him swallow hard. He scrubbed his face with his hands, strove to appear as virtuous as an innocent baby angel, and leaned over the scaffolding’s railing. “Morning, Inspector," he stammered. "Anything wrong?"
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by KDArtStudio from Pixabay
July 11, 2020
In the last post: Olive was ashamed of her unfaithful flirtations. But would Bert forgive her...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 25
Olive knew how to make amends to her fiancé. Bert loved his food, and the best way to his heart was through his stomach. After another shower, a quick plastering of makeup, and squeezing into jeans and T-shirt, she set about in her kitchen to fry a full English breakfast. As an extra treat, she found room on the table for mounds of chocolate croissants and cream-puff cakes; Bert’s favourites.
Uncertain how Bert would react when she fetched him from his neighbouring house, she paused in her lounge, faced the inside of her front door, and took a few deep breaths.
In spite of his ferocious appearance, at heart, Bert was as soft and sweet as marshmellows, and easily hurt. He’d never shown anger toward her, no matter what she did, but last night's flirtatious performance on the dance floor was bad.
She'd only been having a bit of harmless fun, but Bert wouldn't understand that. He'd looked so distraught that she thought he might do something foolish. And she didn't want to lose him.
No more delays. Time to fetch him and let him know she was his alone. She wiggled her hips, expanded her chest, pouted her lips, and counted to three. On the count, she flung the door open—and howled!
Bert Dangled from his neck in front of her, as dead as one of those scarecrows in the fields. She screamed, and then she screamed some more, until, with one last screech trailing off into a strangled croak, she fainted.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by pixel1 from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 25
Olive knew how to make amends to her fiancé. Bert loved his food, and the best way to his heart was through his stomach. After another shower, a quick plastering of makeup, and squeezing into jeans and T-shirt, she set about in her kitchen to fry a full English breakfast. As an extra treat, she found room on the table for mounds of chocolate croissants and cream-puff cakes; Bert’s favourites.
Uncertain how Bert would react when she fetched him from his neighbouring house, she paused in her lounge, faced the inside of her front door, and took a few deep breaths.
In spite of his ferocious appearance, at heart, Bert was as soft and sweet as marshmellows, and easily hurt. He’d never shown anger toward her, no matter what she did, but last night's flirtatious performance on the dance floor was bad.
She'd only been having a bit of harmless fun, but Bert wouldn't understand that. He'd looked so distraught that she thought he might do something foolish. And she didn't want to lose him.
No more delays. Time to fetch him and let him know she was his alone. She wiggled her hips, expanded her chest, pouted her lips, and counted to three. On the count, she flung the door open—and howled!
Bert Dangled from his neck in front of her, as dead as one of those scarecrows in the fields. She screamed, and then she screamed some more, until, with one last screech trailing off into a strangled croak, she fainted.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by pixel1 from Pixabay
July 7, 2020
In the last post: Thwarted in love and bitterly humiliated, Olive escaped to her dreams...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 24
In the morning, as the first light of day crept into her room, Olive sat up in bed and rubbed her face. “You bloody fool,” she scolded herself.
She’d tossed and turned all night, thinking about her fiancé, Bert, and the wrong she had done him. The poor man had watched her make a fool of herself trying to make out with Dick Charmer, a scrawny self-digger fifteen years younger than her.
In the long run, if she had to choose between the two, she would settle for Bert any day.
Bert was such a strange, mysterious darling: six-foot-six tall and thirty stone. He was an ogre of a human being, with no neck and a bulbous head that properly belongs to a bulldog. His hands can crush cocoa-nuts as though they were ostrich eggs.
He might be the ugliest man she had ever met, big and menacing as he was, but beneath the flab he was as kind and gentle as a kitten.
Kids and animals loved him. And he loved them back. They saw through his hostile exterior to the maternal softness within. Above all, he loved her with such a possessive passion that her toes curled with the thought.
Such is his strength, that he won a bet once by tearing his way out of a straitjacket, although it's surprising they found one to fit him. His chest and belly resemble a massive fragmentation grenade, and if you were stupid enough to pull the pin, it was liable to detonate.
How on earth must he have felt, she asked herself, watching me flirt with Dick Charmer? An acute pang of shame ran through her and she pulled her knees into her chest. She remembered his look of hurt and disappointment at the disco, so deep that a shadow of self-destruction had hung over him; either that or the destruction of something or someone else.
Heavens, what a fool she'd made of herself. Worse, would the sweet giant ever forgive her?
She climbed out of bed and made for the bathroom. Whatever else she did today, somehow or another she would make it up to him.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 24
In the morning, as the first light of day crept into her room, Olive sat up in bed and rubbed her face. “You bloody fool,” she scolded herself.
She’d tossed and turned all night, thinking about her fiancé, Bert, and the wrong she had done him. The poor man had watched her make a fool of herself trying to make out with Dick Charmer, a scrawny self-digger fifteen years younger than her.
In the long run, if she had to choose between the two, she would settle for Bert any day.
Bert was such a strange, mysterious darling: six-foot-six tall and thirty stone. He was an ogre of a human being, with no neck and a bulbous head that properly belongs to a bulldog. His hands can crush cocoa-nuts as though they were ostrich eggs.
He might be the ugliest man she had ever met, big and menacing as he was, but beneath the flab he was as kind and gentle as a kitten.
Kids and animals loved him. And he loved them back. They saw through his hostile exterior to the maternal softness within. Above all, he loved her with such a possessive passion that her toes curled with the thought.
Such is his strength, that he won a bet once by tearing his way out of a straitjacket, although it's surprising they found one to fit him. His chest and belly resemble a massive fragmentation grenade, and if you were stupid enough to pull the pin, it was liable to detonate.
How on earth must he have felt, she asked herself, watching me flirt with Dick Charmer? An acute pang of shame ran through her and she pulled her knees into her chest. She remembered his look of hurt and disappointment at the disco, so deep that a shadow of self-destruction had hung over him; either that or the destruction of something or someone else.
Heavens, what a fool she'd made of herself. Worse, would the sweet giant ever forgive her?
She climbed out of bed and made for the bathroom. Whatever else she did today, somehow or another she would make it up to him.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
July 5, 2020
In the last post: Dick Charmer hung a scarecrow by its neck. He didn't want to be around when it was discovered...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 23
After Olive had stormed home alone from Ye Olde Inn’s disco, she'd slumped into her favourite easy chair and buried her face in her hands. Never had anyone humiliated her so.
Even though she'd dressed like a teenager in ultra-mini miniskirt, black bra, and see-through frilly blouse, Dick Charmer had rejected her: a look of utter disgust plastered all over his face. Who does he think he is? Just because all the silly little rich tarts swooned over him, there was no reason to snub her in front of everyone.
If it hadn't been for that interfering slob of a policeman, Dobbs, she would've scratched Dick Charmer's eyes out and tied his goolies into knots.
But the disastrous night was over and soon Dick Charmer would finish his work on the terrace house roof and leave. Good riddance to him; there were plenty more sweethearts in the world. Maybe someone a little older, a poet was her dream man.
She removed her make-up, tossed her clothes in the laundry basket, stood under a hot shower until the water turned cold, climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over her head. I’m not getting old, she consoled herself. The years creep up on most people like a serpent in the night. But I stopped ageing at twenty. I'm a ripe peach.
Drowsy, her wistful thoughts turned to her fiancé, Bert. He was a gigantic ugly brute with kind eyes. He wasn't very bright, either, and seemed not to mind her little flirtations.
And then she fell asleep and dreamt, and her dream was of the fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast: Bert playing the part of the beast, her the beauty.
In this version of the story, however, she laughs at the beast and runs away to her lover, the poet. Ah, aren't dreams wonderful!
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
-
Image by Biljana Jovanovic from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 23
After Olive had stormed home alone from Ye Olde Inn’s disco, she'd slumped into her favourite easy chair and buried her face in her hands. Never had anyone humiliated her so.
Even though she'd dressed like a teenager in ultra-mini miniskirt, black bra, and see-through frilly blouse, Dick Charmer had rejected her: a look of utter disgust plastered all over his face. Who does he think he is? Just because all the silly little rich tarts swooned over him, there was no reason to snub her in front of everyone.
If it hadn't been for that interfering slob of a policeman, Dobbs, she would've scratched Dick Charmer's eyes out and tied his goolies into knots.
But the disastrous night was over and soon Dick Charmer would finish his work on the terrace house roof and leave. Good riddance to him; there were plenty more sweethearts in the world. Maybe someone a little older, a poet was her dream man.
She removed her make-up, tossed her clothes in the laundry basket, stood under a hot shower until the water turned cold, climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over her head. I’m not getting old, she consoled herself. The years creep up on most people like a serpent in the night. But I stopped ageing at twenty. I'm a ripe peach.
Drowsy, her wistful thoughts turned to her fiancé, Bert. He was a gigantic ugly brute with kind eyes. He wasn't very bright, either, and seemed not to mind her little flirtations.
And then she fell asleep and dreamt, and her dream was of the fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast: Bert playing the part of the beast, her the beauty.
In this version of the story, however, she laughs at the beast and runs away to her lover, the poet. Ah, aren't dreams wonderful!
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
-
Image by Biljana Jovanovic from Pixabay
July 1, 2020
In the last post: Dick Charmer chose a grotesquely lifelike scarecrow. Now he has to steal it before daybreak...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 22
Dick Charmer removed a few bulky rocks from around the scarecrow's base, rested it on the ground, untangled it from its wooden poles, and hoisted it onto his back. Its weight surprised him. Although it looked like a fully grown man, it felt lighter than a toddler.
The work had taken longer than expected and the brief summer night was drawing to an end. A hazy glow of red on the horizon made him hurry. Sweat soon trickled down his spine and dripped from his brow, and just as the first cockerel squawked he saw a farmworker in the distance, strolling towards him.
Dick Charmer jumped into a ditch beside the gravel road and threw himself down. Thank God it was dry after so many warm summer days. When he dared to peek over the edge, the farmworker was no longer there, probably attending to the horses in a nearby stable.
Hoisting the scarecrow high on his back, Dick Charmer ran. Dogs barked somewhere, and as he dashed past the stable, he heard the farmworker chatting to the fillies. At any other time, the early morning sights and sounds would have soothed his soul and made him glad to be alive. Right now, he thought his heart might explode.
But he reached the row of three terrace houses without further trouble and slipped the scarecrow’s head through the noose hanging in front of Olive’s frontdoor.
The strawman swung gently by its neck, head slumped forward and facing the door, feet inches above the ground, arms dangling by its side. It looked so much like a corpse that the hairs on the back of Dick Charmer’s neck bristled, and a shudder tickled his backbone.
When Bert sees the result of his murderous plan, he thought, it'll be his heart that explodes. And then, hardly able to stop himself from laughing out loud, Dick Charmer slithered off to bed.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Image by marcelkessler from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 22
Dick Charmer removed a few bulky rocks from around the scarecrow's base, rested it on the ground, untangled it from its wooden poles, and hoisted it onto his back. Its weight surprised him. Although it looked like a fully grown man, it felt lighter than a toddler.
The work had taken longer than expected and the brief summer night was drawing to an end. A hazy glow of red on the horizon made him hurry. Sweat soon trickled down his spine and dripped from his brow, and just as the first cockerel squawked he saw a farmworker in the distance, strolling towards him.
Dick Charmer jumped into a ditch beside the gravel road and threw himself down. Thank God it was dry after so many warm summer days. When he dared to peek over the edge, the farmworker was no longer there, probably attending to the horses in a nearby stable.
Hoisting the scarecrow high on his back, Dick Charmer ran. Dogs barked somewhere, and as he dashed past the stable, he heard the farmworker chatting to the fillies. At any other time, the early morning sights and sounds would have soothed his soul and made him glad to be alive. Right now, he thought his heart might explode.
But he reached the row of three terrace houses without further trouble and slipped the scarecrow’s head through the noose hanging in front of Olive’s frontdoor.
The strawman swung gently by its neck, head slumped forward and facing the door, feet inches above the ground, arms dangling by its side. It looked so much like a corpse that the hairs on the back of Dick Charmer’s neck bristled, and a shudder tickled his backbone.
When Bert sees the result of his murderous plan, he thought, it'll be his heart that explodes. And then, hardly able to stop himself from laughing out loud, Dick Charmer slithered off to bed.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Image by marcelkessler from Pixabay
June 28, 2020
In the last post: Dick Charmer feared his crime was discovered. But he would soon turn the tables with a hilarious trick...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 21
The moon was about to set: the night had grown dark, and all good folks were in bed. If Dick Charmer were to put his plan into action, he'd need to hurry. No one must see him. The morning was fast approaching and time was growing short.
Big fat Bert lay snoring like an overstuffed pig on the scaffolding above Olive’s front door. He'll get the biggest shock of his life when he wakes, thought Dick Charmer, and gazed into the distance in all directions. Nobody was about, so he crept back down the ladder and scurried from the terrace houses along a rutted road. After a few hundred yards, he swung onto a bridle path and quickened his pace.
He recalled seeing an army of scarecrows in a field over towards the Cloud Estate. The estate’s gardener, Lance, had placed them to keep the birds away from whatever tripe he grew there: peas, blueberries, or maybe cannabis for all he cared.
Some scarecrows were mind-boggling lifelike. Lance had dressed the best one in cast-off overalls, wellies and gardener’s gloves. He’d pulled a beanie down over the head, and a spooky Halloween mask covered the face. Dick Charmer didn’t know how the crows felt about it, but if a person came across it unawares, their blood would curdle.
Lance won’t mind if I borrow it, he thought. He checked he was still alone in the night and passed a nervous hand through his hair. Soon, the cockerels would screech and early rising farm workers would start their chores of milking the cows and feeding the animals.
He couldn't delay. Time to seize it and run.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Image by Vien Hoang from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 21
The moon was about to set: the night had grown dark, and all good folks were in bed. If Dick Charmer were to put his plan into action, he'd need to hurry. No one must see him. The morning was fast approaching and time was growing short.
Big fat Bert lay snoring like an overstuffed pig on the scaffolding above Olive’s front door. He'll get the biggest shock of his life when he wakes, thought Dick Charmer, and gazed into the distance in all directions. Nobody was about, so he crept back down the ladder and scurried from the terrace houses along a rutted road. After a few hundred yards, he swung onto a bridle path and quickened his pace.
He recalled seeing an army of scarecrows in a field over towards the Cloud Estate. The estate’s gardener, Lance, had placed them to keep the birds away from whatever tripe he grew there: peas, blueberries, or maybe cannabis for all he cared.
Some scarecrows were mind-boggling lifelike. Lance had dressed the best one in cast-off overalls, wellies and gardener’s gloves. He’d pulled a beanie down over the head, and a spooky Halloween mask covered the face. Dick Charmer didn’t know how the crows felt about it, but if a person came across it unawares, their blood would curdle.
Lance won’t mind if I borrow it, he thought. He checked he was still alone in the night and passed a nervous hand through his hair. Soon, the cockerels would screech and early rising farm workers would start their chores of milking the cows and feeding the animals.
He couldn't delay. Time to seize it and run.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Image by Vien Hoang from Pixabay
June 23, 2020
In the last post: Dick Charmer has a fantastic secret that makes his life worth living. Unless Bert finds out...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 20
A knot swelled in Dick Charmer's belly. He just couldn't guess why Bert slept above Olive's front door, and somehow, it seemed sinister. One reason after the other ran through his mind, but nothing made sense.
He sighed and climbed back down the scaffolding ladder. Then his eyes popped open in disbelief. Was that a noose he could see, hanging head height in front of Olive's door?
It was difficult to see the crinkly wire in the shaded moonlight, but he was young and his eyesight was sharp. To make certain his peepers hadn’t deceived him, he reached out to touch it. There could be no mistake; it felt cold and thin and had a loose hangman’s knot twisted to form a loop.
A new thought came to Dick Charmer. In the weeks he’d worked at The Stables, he’d learnt that Olive and Bert planned to marry. From the way Olive had behaved at the disco, slobbering all over him like a frustrated spinster, it wouldn't surprise him if Bert were insanely jealous. But so jealous that he wanted to murder her? That took some believing.
The evening’s events replayed in his mind. Olive had tried to seduce him on the disco’s dance floor. If she’d been fifteen years younger, she might have tempted him; but the evening was about business, not pleasure. So he’d frolicked with her long enough to slip an impressive engagement ring from her finger and then moved on to the next chick.
Dick Charmer whistled softly as the puzzle cleared. Somehow, Olive had enchanted Bert and it was doubtful he wanted to harm her. More likely, Bert had expected them to saunter home arm-in-arm and planned to kill him.
Rather than fill him with shock or terror, Dick Charmer grinned. The big dummy had acted on blind animal instinct, which just went to prove he had more beef than brain.
Still, lynching somebody was a serious business and Bert needed a severe reprimand. One he wouldn't forget in a hurry. Oh, yes, he'd soon learn not to mess with a smart guy like him.
Careful not to wake Bert, Dick Charmer climbed up the ladder again and dangled Chief Inspector Dobbs identity card around Bert’s head; his skilful fingers were as deft planting loot as lifting it. Let him explain that when he wakes.
And because that was just one surprise he had in store for Bert, he had to clamp his hands over his mouth to stop himself from exploding in laughter.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
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Image by Susana Gonzalez from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 20
A knot swelled in Dick Charmer's belly. He just couldn't guess why Bert slept above Olive's front door, and somehow, it seemed sinister. One reason after the other ran through his mind, but nothing made sense.
He sighed and climbed back down the scaffolding ladder. Then his eyes popped open in disbelief. Was that a noose he could see, hanging head height in front of Olive's door?
It was difficult to see the crinkly wire in the shaded moonlight, but he was young and his eyesight was sharp. To make certain his peepers hadn’t deceived him, he reached out to touch it. There could be no mistake; it felt cold and thin and had a loose hangman’s knot twisted to form a loop.
A new thought came to Dick Charmer. In the weeks he’d worked at The Stables, he’d learnt that Olive and Bert planned to marry. From the way Olive had behaved at the disco, slobbering all over him like a frustrated spinster, it wouldn't surprise him if Bert were insanely jealous. But so jealous that he wanted to murder her? That took some believing.
The evening’s events replayed in his mind. Olive had tried to seduce him on the disco’s dance floor. If she’d been fifteen years younger, she might have tempted him; but the evening was about business, not pleasure. So he’d frolicked with her long enough to slip an impressive engagement ring from her finger and then moved on to the next chick.
Dick Charmer whistled softly as the puzzle cleared. Somehow, Olive had enchanted Bert and it was doubtful he wanted to harm her. More likely, Bert had expected them to saunter home arm-in-arm and planned to kill him.
Rather than fill him with shock or terror, Dick Charmer grinned. The big dummy had acted on blind animal instinct, which just went to prove he had more beef than brain.
Still, lynching somebody was a serious business and Bert needed a severe reprimand. One he wouldn't forget in a hurry. Oh, yes, he'd soon learn not to mess with a smart guy like him.
Careful not to wake Bert, Dick Charmer climbed up the ladder again and dangled Chief Inspector Dobbs identity card around Bert’s head; his skilful fingers were as deft planting loot as lifting it. Let him explain that when he wakes.
And because that was just one surprise he had in store for Bert, he had to clamp his hands over his mouth to stop himself from exploding in laughter.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
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Image by Susana Gonzalez from Pixabay
June 21, 2020
In the last post: Bert's murderous plan had failed. Plan B was useless too. Struggling with the problem, he fell asleep...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 19
Dick Charmer strolled home from the Ye Olde Inn’s discotheque and gave himself a mental pat on the back. He’d slow danced with almost every lovesick girl, stolen their jewellery, and then slipped out after making an excuse that he needed the toilet.
The night was warm, the moon bright, and costly trinkets jingled in his pockets. The pickings from the rich families’ daughters had been bountiful. He’d even pinched Chief Inspector Dobbs’s identification card as a bonus trophy.
His ears still rang from the disco’s loud music, but as he approached the row of terrace houses, he swore he could hear a pig grunting somewhere. He stopped to listen. Strange, it came from the scaffolding that surrounded the houses where he lived and worked. He’d heard about pigs with wings and wondered how else it could’ve found its way up there.
One slow step at a time, he crept up the scaffolding ladder far enough to peek over the edge. And there it was, bathed in moonlight, grunting and snorting, the biggest pig he'd ever seen.
Dick Charmer rubbed his eyes and climbed another rung. Slowly, it dawned on him that it wasn’t a pig, but Bert, the ugly brute who lived in the house at the terrace's other end.
He thought the giant must have found it too warm indoors and decided to sleep out. But he was fully clothed and had no pillow or other bedtime things. Also, why sleep above Olive's door and not his own?
Furrowing his eyebrows, Dick Charmer studied Bert closer. Why he was lying there, flat out on his back with his mouth wide open, was a disturbing riddle. Whatever the reason, Dick Charmer felt his insides twist. He rubbed an eyebrow and swallowed. Did Bert suspect he'd stolen his Rolex and planned to take the law into his own hands? No, it couldn't be, Bert was too stupid and it didn't explain why he snored above Olive's front door. But why then?
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Image by Digital Photo and Design DigiPD.com from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 19
Dick Charmer strolled home from the Ye Olde Inn’s discotheque and gave himself a mental pat on the back. He’d slow danced with almost every lovesick girl, stolen their jewellery, and then slipped out after making an excuse that he needed the toilet.
The night was warm, the moon bright, and costly trinkets jingled in his pockets. The pickings from the rich families’ daughters had been bountiful. He’d even pinched Chief Inspector Dobbs’s identification card as a bonus trophy.
His ears still rang from the disco’s loud music, but as he approached the row of terrace houses, he swore he could hear a pig grunting somewhere. He stopped to listen. Strange, it came from the scaffolding that surrounded the houses where he lived and worked. He’d heard about pigs with wings and wondered how else it could’ve found its way up there.
One slow step at a time, he crept up the scaffolding ladder far enough to peek over the edge. And there it was, bathed in moonlight, grunting and snorting, the biggest pig he'd ever seen.
Dick Charmer rubbed his eyes and climbed another rung. Slowly, it dawned on him that it wasn’t a pig, but Bert, the ugly brute who lived in the house at the terrace's other end.
He thought the giant must have found it too warm indoors and decided to sleep out. But he was fully clothed and had no pillow or other bedtime things. Also, why sleep above Olive's door and not his own?
Furrowing his eyebrows, Dick Charmer studied Bert closer. Why he was lying there, flat out on his back with his mouth wide open, was a disturbing riddle. Whatever the reason, Dick Charmer felt his insides twist. He rubbed an eyebrow and swallowed. Did Bert suspect he'd stolen his Rolex and planned to take the law into his own hands? No, it couldn't be, Bert was too stupid and it didn't explain why he snored above Olive's front door. But why then?
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Image by Digital Photo and Design DigiPD.com from Pixabay
June 17, 2020
In the last post: Bert had given up. His love was lost. All he could do was hang himself...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 18-
Bert closed his eyes and sighed. Perhaps suicide was too drastic and he ought to consider Alf's idea for a Plan B. The only problem with Plan B was the time and effort it would take.
He’d need to climb down from the scaffolding, find a saw, climb up again, saw through the rungs, climb down to find some grease and mud, climb up again, and then smear dirt over the cuts to hide them. He didn’t know how much time he had before Dick Charmer came home, and he didn’t want to be caught in the act.
Best to wait until after he’s sneaked into Olive’s house. Yes, there was no hurry with Plan B; he could take all the time he needed. Dick Charmer wouldn't be climbing the ladders until morning. So he stretched out on the scaffolding, put his hands behind his head, and felt sure he'd made the only sensible decision.
Wondering what the time was, he glanced at his wrist and cursed when he remembered his watch was missing. Everything had gone wrong since Dick Charmer had come to The Stables. He'd lost his fiancé, and he'd lost his Rolex.
Blood as thick and black as treacle ran through Bert's veins. Sod Plan B, he thought. I’ll hang him anyway. Once again he arranged the wire noose through the gap in the scaffolding floor and took a resolute grip on his end. Just like fishing, but this time the catch will be a whopper.
Any moment now. Come on lad, your days of ruining lovers’ affairs is over. But still Dick Charmer didn’t come, and with thoughts of torture and murder on his mind, Bert dropped off to sleep.
To be continued…
Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay-
The real world:-
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 18-
Bert closed his eyes and sighed. Perhaps suicide was too drastic and he ought to consider Alf's idea for a Plan B. The only problem with Plan B was the time and effort it would take.
He’d need to climb down from the scaffolding, find a saw, climb up again, saw through the rungs, climb down to find some grease and mud, climb up again, and then smear dirt over the cuts to hide them. He didn’t know how much time he had before Dick Charmer came home, and he didn’t want to be caught in the act.
Best to wait until after he’s sneaked into Olive’s house. Yes, there was no hurry with Plan B; he could take all the time he needed. Dick Charmer wouldn't be climbing the ladders until morning. So he stretched out on the scaffolding, put his hands behind his head, and felt sure he'd made the only sensible decision.
Wondering what the time was, he glanced at his wrist and cursed when he remembered his watch was missing. Everything had gone wrong since Dick Charmer had come to The Stables. He'd lost his fiancé, and he'd lost his Rolex.
Blood as thick and black as treacle ran through Bert's veins. Sod Plan B, he thought. I’ll hang him anyway. Once again he arranged the wire noose through the gap in the scaffolding floor and took a resolute grip on his end. Just like fishing, but this time the catch will be a whopper.
Any moment now. Come on lad, your days of ruining lovers’ affairs is over. But still Dick Charmer didn’t come, and with thoughts of torture and murder on his mind, Bert dropped off to sleep.
To be continued…
Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay-
The real world:-
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
