James Field's Blog, page 27
September 27, 2020
Sci fi series: Life in the Clouds
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 47
In the last post: The police were coming to fetch Bert and he froze in panic…
Bert closed his eyes and summoned a deep breath, holding it in. Turning his head a fraction, he listened to the impending police sirens. They were definitely moving in his direction.
He still wore his best clothes from last evening's disco: a new pair of blue denim jeans and a clean white T-shirt. The garments were thin and he shuddered, but not because of the cool morning air. He felt trapped and couldn't make his mind up what to do next.
If he scurried away, the law enforcement would catch him and have a million questions. If he went to work as if nothing had happened, the force would still have a million questions. He rubbed the back of his neck and wished his best mate Alf was with him to tell him what to do.
Then, to make matters worse, he sighted Chief Inspector Dobbs strutting toward him along the pebble lane. From the opposite direction, the police car came into view, bouncing over the pot-holed road to join them, a plume of dust in its trail, the siren blaring.
Unable to determine which way to run, Bert spun twice, first in one direction, and then the other. As he twirled, he patted himself down, searching for incriminating evidence. He dug his hands in his pockets and cursed, he'd found the handcuff keys.
Quicker than a spring-loaded mousetrap, his arm muscles triggered and he tossed the keys back onto the scaffolding boards above his head. In the same state of subconscious panic, he snapped the handcuffs over his wrists again, restraining himself exactly as Chief Inspector Dobbs had left him.
As the policeman drew close enough to see properly, Bert crossed his legs, leaned his elbows on a section of scaffolding cross pole, rested his head in his hands, and whistled his tuneless tune.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av Dmitry Abramov fra Pixabay
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 47
In the last post: The police were coming to fetch Bert and he froze in panic…
Bert closed his eyes and summoned a deep breath, holding it in. Turning his head a fraction, he listened to the impending police sirens. They were definitely moving in his direction.
He still wore his best clothes from last evening's disco: a new pair of blue denim jeans and a clean white T-shirt. The garments were thin and he shuddered, but not because of the cool morning air. He felt trapped and couldn't make his mind up what to do next.
If he scurried away, the law enforcement would catch him and have a million questions. If he went to work as if nothing had happened, the force would still have a million questions. He rubbed the back of his neck and wished his best mate Alf was with him to tell him what to do.
Then, to make matters worse, he sighted Chief Inspector Dobbs strutting toward him along the pebble lane. From the opposite direction, the police car came into view, bouncing over the pot-holed road to join them, a plume of dust in its trail, the siren blaring.
Unable to determine which way to run, Bert spun twice, first in one direction, and then the other. As he twirled, he patted himself down, searching for incriminating evidence. He dug his hands in his pockets and cursed, he'd found the handcuff keys.
Quicker than a spring-loaded mousetrap, his arm muscles triggered and he tossed the keys back onto the scaffolding boards above his head. In the same state of subconscious panic, he snapped the handcuffs over his wrists again, restraining himself exactly as Chief Inspector Dobbs had left him.
As the policeman drew close enough to see properly, Bert crossed his legs, leaned his elbows on a section of scaffolding cross pole, rested his head in his hands, and whistled his tuneless tune.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av Dmitry Abramov fra Pixabay
September 23, 2020
Sci fi series: Life in the Clouds
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 46
In the last post: Bert offered a hand of friendship. He clamped Dick Charmer's mitt and squeezed…
At first, the bones in Dick Charmer’s hand ground together in a tangle of knots.
“If you scream,” said Bert, squeezing ever harder, “you’ll bring the police running. We don’t want that, do we?”
Then the bones cracked and twisted out of joint and air exploded from Dick Charmer’s lungs in a squeal of agony. “Oops!” said Bert, “Sometimes I forget my strength. Still, it’ll stop you pick-pocketing young ladies for a while, won’t it?”
Dick Charmer staggered to his feet, careful to hold his mutilated hand away from his body, out of harm's way. His chin trembled and tears streaked his cheeks.
“If you ever come back,” said Bert. “I’ll break the other one too. Understand?”
Keeping his eyes averted, Dick Charmer answered with a slight nod. He grabbed his small suitcase in his left hand and darted away into the woods.
Bert followed the departing man until lost from view. He shook his head and glared up at the sky. It was over. The troublemaker had scattered like a cat with pepper on its tail and wouldn't come round again. Life could return to normal and Olive would turn her affection back to him. “Sorry, Chums,” he said to his Alsatians. “No fresh meat today. Let’s get home, quietly, I don’t want anyone to notice us.”
Before Bert came from the cover of trees, he checked to see if the coast was clear. A horse and cart rattled along the pebble road, but the driver stared into his smartphone, thumbs twiddling across the screen. After it had passed, Bert darted to his house, hid the pouch of stolen jewels in one of the Alsatian’s kennel, and returned to the place where his handcuffs still dangled to a scaffolding pole.
In the distance, he caught the wail of police sirens. He froze, and his forehead creased with worry. They were coming for him and he didn't know what to do.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
-
The picture is taken by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 46
In the last post: Bert offered a hand of friendship. He clamped Dick Charmer's mitt and squeezed…
At first, the bones in Dick Charmer’s hand ground together in a tangle of knots.
“If you scream,” said Bert, squeezing ever harder, “you’ll bring the police running. We don’t want that, do we?”
Then the bones cracked and twisted out of joint and air exploded from Dick Charmer’s lungs in a squeal of agony. “Oops!” said Bert, “Sometimes I forget my strength. Still, it’ll stop you pick-pocketing young ladies for a while, won’t it?”
Dick Charmer staggered to his feet, careful to hold his mutilated hand away from his body, out of harm's way. His chin trembled and tears streaked his cheeks.
“If you ever come back,” said Bert. “I’ll break the other one too. Understand?”
Keeping his eyes averted, Dick Charmer answered with a slight nod. He grabbed his small suitcase in his left hand and darted away into the woods.
Bert followed the departing man until lost from view. He shook his head and glared up at the sky. It was over. The troublemaker had scattered like a cat with pepper on its tail and wouldn't come round again. Life could return to normal and Olive would turn her affection back to him. “Sorry, Chums,” he said to his Alsatians. “No fresh meat today. Let’s get home, quietly, I don’t want anyone to notice us.”
Before Bert came from the cover of trees, he checked to see if the coast was clear. A horse and cart rattled along the pebble road, but the driver stared into his smartphone, thumbs twiddling across the screen. After it had passed, Bert darted to his house, hid the pouch of stolen jewels in one of the Alsatian’s kennel, and returned to the place where his handcuffs still dangled to a scaffolding pole.
In the distance, he caught the wail of police sirens. He froze, and his forehead creased with worry. They were coming for him and he didn't know what to do.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
-
The picture is taken by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
September 20, 2020
Sci fi series: Life in the Clouds
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 45
In the last post: Bert recouped his Rolex and engagement ring, but he wasn't stopping there…
Before Dick Charmer could protest, Bert snatched the pouch of stolen jewellery and shoved the unsuspecting man back against the tree trunk. “I’m in a hurry, so I’ll take the lot.”
“But you can’t,” groaned Dick Charmer. “I worked hard to get those.”
Bert dropped his hand on Dick Charmer’s shoulder, making it sag under the weight. “Sorry about that, but like what I told you before, I used to be a thief too.”
He didn't miss those days. Stealing other people's possessions had always left him feeling guilty. At first, he'd plundered cash from his mum's purse and his dad's wallet. But they were poor, and when he found his dear old mother crying one day, empty purse in hand, he stole from other people and made regular secret donations to their funds.
They weren't as bright as him, and apart from scratching their heads now and then, never suspected where the heaven-sent money had come from.
He'd hated school, and from the age of thirteen had played truant almost every day. He sneaked rides on buses and trains, stole comics and nosh from shops, and looted unlocked garages and garden sheds.
During one of his terms in prison, he made friends with Alf, and together they formed a partnership, working at a successful career of mugging. Even then, Bert had insisted they left women and children alone.
The crook in front of him now, Dick Charmer, concentrated on stealing from women and children, and Bert despised him for it. He lifted the gold chain and locket that Dick Charmer had planted on his neck, and dropped it over Dick Charmer’s.
“You can have it back. And like what you told me, Dobby the Bobby won't chase me when you tell him where it came from." He tugged on his bottom lip. Is that really what he'd told him? He shrugged. "Better hurry off before the police catch you with it.”
“You’re a thief,” screeched Dick Charmer.
“Yeah. Ain’t lost me knack, have I?”
Dick Charmer slammed his fists into the tree trunk behind his back and then scrubbed his face with his hands. “Can I go now?”
“Yeah, you better run. No hard feelings.” Bert held his hand out for a shake. “Honour among thieves and all that crap.”
With an impatient snort, Dick Charmer took Bert’s hand. His flimsy little fingers disappeared inside Bert’s massive mitt, thumb and all. Then Bert squeezed and the muscles in his forearms bunched into knots.
Trapped in the vice-like grip, Dick Charmer sunk to his knees: teeth clenched, eyes crossed, and a gurgle in his throat.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Bildet er tatt av OpenClipart-Vectors fra Pixabay
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 45
In the last post: Bert recouped his Rolex and engagement ring, but he wasn't stopping there…
Before Dick Charmer could protest, Bert snatched the pouch of stolen jewellery and shoved the unsuspecting man back against the tree trunk. “I’m in a hurry, so I’ll take the lot.”
“But you can’t,” groaned Dick Charmer. “I worked hard to get those.”
Bert dropped his hand on Dick Charmer’s shoulder, making it sag under the weight. “Sorry about that, but like what I told you before, I used to be a thief too.”
He didn't miss those days. Stealing other people's possessions had always left him feeling guilty. At first, he'd plundered cash from his mum's purse and his dad's wallet. But they were poor, and when he found his dear old mother crying one day, empty purse in hand, he stole from other people and made regular secret donations to their funds.
They weren't as bright as him, and apart from scratching their heads now and then, never suspected where the heaven-sent money had come from.
He'd hated school, and from the age of thirteen had played truant almost every day. He sneaked rides on buses and trains, stole comics and nosh from shops, and looted unlocked garages and garden sheds.
During one of his terms in prison, he made friends with Alf, and together they formed a partnership, working at a successful career of mugging. Even then, Bert had insisted they left women and children alone.
The crook in front of him now, Dick Charmer, concentrated on stealing from women and children, and Bert despised him for it. He lifted the gold chain and locket that Dick Charmer had planted on his neck, and dropped it over Dick Charmer’s.
“You can have it back. And like what you told me, Dobby the Bobby won't chase me when you tell him where it came from." He tugged on his bottom lip. Is that really what he'd told him? He shrugged. "Better hurry off before the police catch you with it.”
“You’re a thief,” screeched Dick Charmer.
“Yeah. Ain’t lost me knack, have I?”
Dick Charmer slammed his fists into the tree trunk behind his back and then scrubbed his face with his hands. “Can I go now?”
“Yeah, you better run. No hard feelings.” Bert held his hand out for a shake. “Honour among thieves and all that crap.”
With an impatient snort, Dick Charmer took Bert’s hand. His flimsy little fingers disappeared inside Bert’s massive mitt, thumb and all. Then Bert squeezed and the muscles in his forearms bunched into knots.
Trapped in the vice-like grip, Dick Charmer sunk to his knees: teeth clenched, eyes crossed, and a gurgle in his throat.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Bildet er tatt av OpenClipart-Vectors fra Pixabay
September 16, 2020
Sci fi series: Life in the Clouds
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 44
In the last post: With Dick Charmer at Bert's mercy, he wanted to teach him a lesson he wouldn't soon forget…
Dick Charmer, back pinned against the knobby tree trunk, rubbed his fingers through his hair as if a pain throbbed deep inside his head. "Honestly, Bert," he whined, "I haven’t any designs with Olive. It's you she loves. She told me so."
"Didn't look much like it." Although Bert suspected he lied, he closed his eyes briefly and gave a compulsive nod. Despite the reassuring words, he didn't want to lose focus. He'd savour them for later. “I ain’t got time to stand here chatting with you, so I think I’ll just modify your mug anyway.” He grabbed Dick Charmer’s shirt collar in his left hand and drew his right fist back ready to strike.
“Wait!” Dick Charmer covered his head in his arms. “Don’t hit me. I’ll give you anything you want.”
Bert cocked his head and sunk his arm. “Yeah, like what?”
“You can pick any piece of treasure from my pouch of goods.”
Bert brought his callused fist up again.
“Two pieces.”
Still Bert hesitated.
“Three pieces.”
“Okay, show me.”
As soon as Bert released him, Dick Charmer dived for his small suitcase, snapped the locks, opened the lid, and plucked out his cloth pouch of stolen jewellery. His fingers shuddered as he tugged on the drawstrings and let Bert peek inside.
“Ah, me Rolex.” Bert dug in and fished his watch out. “And Olive's engagement ring.”
“One more thing,” said Dick Charmer. “Anything you like.”
Bert shook his head. “Three more things. This watch and ring belong to me. They don’t count.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av OpenClipart-Vectors fra Pixabay
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 44
In the last post: With Dick Charmer at Bert's mercy, he wanted to teach him a lesson he wouldn't soon forget…
Dick Charmer, back pinned against the knobby tree trunk, rubbed his fingers through his hair as if a pain throbbed deep inside his head. "Honestly, Bert," he whined, "I haven’t any designs with Olive. It's you she loves. She told me so."
"Didn't look much like it." Although Bert suspected he lied, he closed his eyes briefly and gave a compulsive nod. Despite the reassuring words, he didn't want to lose focus. He'd savour them for later. “I ain’t got time to stand here chatting with you, so I think I’ll just modify your mug anyway.” He grabbed Dick Charmer’s shirt collar in his left hand and drew his right fist back ready to strike.
“Wait!” Dick Charmer covered his head in his arms. “Don’t hit me. I’ll give you anything you want.”
Bert cocked his head and sunk his arm. “Yeah, like what?”
“You can pick any piece of treasure from my pouch of goods.”
Bert brought his callused fist up again.
“Two pieces.”
Still Bert hesitated.
“Three pieces.”
“Okay, show me.”
As soon as Bert released him, Dick Charmer dived for his small suitcase, snapped the locks, opened the lid, and plucked out his cloth pouch of stolen jewellery. His fingers shuddered as he tugged on the drawstrings and let Bert peek inside.
“Ah, me Rolex.” Bert dug in and fished his watch out. “And Olive's engagement ring.”
“One more thing,” said Dick Charmer. “Anything you like.”
Bert shook his head. “Three more things. This watch and ring belong to me. They don’t count.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av OpenClipart-Vectors fra Pixabay
September 13, 2020
Sci fi series: Life in the Clouds
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 43
In the last post: Free at last, Bert set his dogs on Dick Charmer. He warned them not to eat him until he caught up…
Bert squinted in all directions. When sure nobody would see him, he dashed across the gravel road and plunged into the same copse of trees as Dick Charmer. Once out of view, he slowed his pace to a resolute march, fists clenched and a murderous snarl on his lips.
It wasn’t hard to follow Dick Charmer's path through the tangle of broken brush, and he soon caught the growl of his dogs and the man’s whimpering.
When Bert caught up, Dick Charmer stood with his back pressed against a tree and the two Alsatians glaring at him. Had he dared to move, they left no doubt they would have sunk their teeth into him.
“Get your dogs off me,” he wailed, lips and chin trembling.
“I ain’t going to let them hurt you,” said Bert, catching his breath, “because I’m going to do that myself.” He clicked a finger and the Alsatians slinked to his heels, one each side, never once taking their hungry eyes from Dick Charmer. “At ease, Chums.” They sat, and Bert patted their heads.
“What are you planning to do with me,” said Dick Charmer, eyes bulging with fright.
“I’m going to mangle that pretty face of yours so no women will ever look at you again.”
Dick Charmer released a huge breath of relief and shook his head. “Is that what this is all about?”
“Yeah. You’re a menace to women, and especially my Olive.”
“No,” said Dick Charmer, looking heavenward and clicking his tongue as if confronted by an idiot. “No, my friend, you’ve got me all wrong. I’m a professional pickpocket. I only pretend to flirt with women so as I can get close enough to rob them. Olive means nothing to me, none of them do.”
Bert scratched his stubbly cheek and leaned forward to glare his foe in the eye. “Oh yeah,” he drooled, forcing a sarcastic smile, “I never thought of that. I suppose we can be friends now and I can let you go.”
Dick Charmer nodded, but he must have recognised the contempt in Bert's words and manner because he swallowed hard and his bloodless lips twisted in a mockery of a smile.
At last Bert had the mischief maker at his mercy, and after all the bad luck he'd recently suffered, he needed to act fast before something else went wrong. All he required was five minutes to teach him a lesson that he wouldn't soon forget.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
-
Bildet er tatt av Steve Bidmead
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 43
In the last post: Free at last, Bert set his dogs on Dick Charmer. He warned them not to eat him until he caught up…
Bert squinted in all directions. When sure nobody would see him, he dashed across the gravel road and plunged into the same copse of trees as Dick Charmer. Once out of view, he slowed his pace to a resolute march, fists clenched and a murderous snarl on his lips.
It wasn’t hard to follow Dick Charmer's path through the tangle of broken brush, and he soon caught the growl of his dogs and the man’s whimpering.
When Bert caught up, Dick Charmer stood with his back pressed against a tree and the two Alsatians glaring at him. Had he dared to move, they left no doubt they would have sunk their teeth into him.
“Get your dogs off me,” he wailed, lips and chin trembling.
“I ain’t going to let them hurt you,” said Bert, catching his breath, “because I’m going to do that myself.” He clicked a finger and the Alsatians slinked to his heels, one each side, never once taking their hungry eyes from Dick Charmer. “At ease, Chums.” They sat, and Bert patted their heads.
“What are you planning to do with me,” said Dick Charmer, eyes bulging with fright.
“I’m going to mangle that pretty face of yours so no women will ever look at you again.”
Dick Charmer released a huge breath of relief and shook his head. “Is that what this is all about?”
“Yeah. You’re a menace to women, and especially my Olive.”
“No,” said Dick Charmer, looking heavenward and clicking his tongue as if confronted by an idiot. “No, my friend, you’ve got me all wrong. I’m a professional pickpocket. I only pretend to flirt with women so as I can get close enough to rob them. Olive means nothing to me, none of them do.”
Bert scratched his stubbly cheek and leaned forward to glare his foe in the eye. “Oh yeah,” he drooled, forcing a sarcastic smile, “I never thought of that. I suppose we can be friends now and I can let you go.”
Dick Charmer nodded, but he must have recognised the contempt in Bert's words and manner because he swallowed hard and his bloodless lips twisted in a mockery of a smile.
At last Bert had the mischief maker at his mercy, and after all the bad luck he'd recently suffered, he needed to act fast before something else went wrong. All he required was five minutes to teach him a lesson that he wouldn't soon forget.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
-
Bildet er tatt av Steve Bidmead
September 9, 2020
Sci fi novels: Life in the Clouds series
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 42
In the last post: Bert tore at the scaffolding. When the handcuff keys bounced off his head, his anger vanished…
Bert placed his foot over the handcuff keys and whistled a tuneless ditty. He stole a peek in all directions. Nobody hung about. The morning sun still hadn't lifted above the house roofs and many of The Stable’s guests snored in bed. Most of the youngsters had been at the disco last night, partying until the early hours.
His frustration mounted again, causing his brow to flush. The disco and Dick Charmer had triggered the start of all his troubles. Until now, luck had been in Dick Charmer's favour, but that was about to change.
A few workers stalked about, tending farm animals and readying the numerous majestic horses for the day’s work, but they were busy elsewhere, mostly out of sight.
He kicked the keys to where he could reach them and bent to pick them up. He wasn't as nimble-fingered as Dick Charmer, but thirty seconds later he had both hands free.
Desperate to relieve himself, and scarcely able to walk with his knees clamped together, he hurtled through his house and made straight for the outside toilet at the back.
His two black Alsatians followed him out and awaited their orders, panting with excitement. He'd left the door open, his bulk filling the whole cubical. “Ready for a chase, Chums?” he called over his shoulder.
The dogs tensed and woofed an eager yes.
Bert led them to Dick Charmer’s house at the other end of the terrace, entered, and found the pile of clothes he’d been wearing. He let the Alsatians sniff them and snapped his arms out, pointing the direction Dick Charmer had taken. “Find him, Chums. I know you ain't had breakfast yet, nor have I, but don’t kill and eat him until I get there. Go!”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
The picture is taken by Mathias Westermann from Pixabay
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 42
In the last post: Bert tore at the scaffolding. When the handcuff keys bounced off his head, his anger vanished…
Bert placed his foot over the handcuff keys and whistled a tuneless ditty. He stole a peek in all directions. Nobody hung about. The morning sun still hadn't lifted above the house roofs and many of The Stable’s guests snored in bed. Most of the youngsters had been at the disco last night, partying until the early hours.
His frustration mounted again, causing his brow to flush. The disco and Dick Charmer had triggered the start of all his troubles. Until now, luck had been in Dick Charmer's favour, but that was about to change.
A few workers stalked about, tending farm animals and readying the numerous majestic horses for the day’s work, but they were busy elsewhere, mostly out of sight.
He kicked the keys to where he could reach them and bent to pick them up. He wasn't as nimble-fingered as Dick Charmer, but thirty seconds later he had both hands free.
Desperate to relieve himself, and scarcely able to walk with his knees clamped together, he hurtled through his house and made straight for the outside toilet at the back.
His two black Alsatians followed him out and awaited their orders, panting with excitement. He'd left the door open, his bulk filling the whole cubical. “Ready for a chase, Chums?” he called over his shoulder.
The dogs tensed and woofed an eager yes.
Bert led them to Dick Charmer’s house at the other end of the terrace, entered, and found the pile of clothes he’d been wearing. He let the Alsatians sniff them and snapped his arms out, pointing the direction Dick Charmer had taken. “Find him, Chums. I know you ain't had breakfast yet, nor have I, but don’t kill and eat him until I get there. Go!”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
The picture is taken by Mathias Westermann from Pixabay
September 6, 2020
Life in the Clouds: fun fiction
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 41
In the last post: Dick Charmer ran off with the stolen goods, bragging he was the greatest…
As Dick Charmer hopped over a fence, scurried into a copse of dense trees, and disappeared, Bert’s muscles turned rigid. This was so damn unfair, he reasoned. There he remained, handcuffed to a scaffolding pole, relatively innocent, while that pickpocket, trickster, and womaniser had planted incriminating evidence on him, escaped, and left him to face Chief Inspector Dobbs's wrath.
Like a volcano eruption on the brink, pressure built deep within Bert's barrel chest, filling his gigantic body with a force that demanded release. His Alsatians, still shut inside his house, must have sensed his anger and frustration because they howled.
With the strength of a grizzly bear, Bert grasped his restraining scaffolding pole and gave it an almighty shake. All along the terrace house, the stiff metal framework of poles and planks shook and rattled fit to collapse.
But despite his Herculean effort, the structure refused to do more than clatter like a jostled skeleton of bones. He tensed himself for a surge of energy that would at least lift his pole high enough from the ground for him to slip the handcuff's chain from under. Just then, something small, light and hard stung him on his bald head and bounced to the grass by his feet.
He blinked twice. When his mind twigged what his eyes begged him to recognize, his anger drained away faster than air escaping from a burst balloon.
His tantrum had shaken the handcuff keys from the scaffolding boards above, and now they rested within reach, winking at him in the morning sun.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av Clker-Free-Vector-Images fra Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 41
In the last post: Dick Charmer ran off with the stolen goods, bragging he was the greatest…
As Dick Charmer hopped over a fence, scurried into a copse of dense trees, and disappeared, Bert’s muscles turned rigid. This was so damn unfair, he reasoned. There he remained, handcuffed to a scaffolding pole, relatively innocent, while that pickpocket, trickster, and womaniser had planted incriminating evidence on him, escaped, and left him to face Chief Inspector Dobbs's wrath.
Like a volcano eruption on the brink, pressure built deep within Bert's barrel chest, filling his gigantic body with a force that demanded release. His Alsatians, still shut inside his house, must have sensed his anger and frustration because they howled.
With the strength of a grizzly bear, Bert grasped his restraining scaffolding pole and gave it an almighty shake. All along the terrace house, the stiff metal framework of poles and planks shook and rattled fit to collapse.
But despite his Herculean effort, the structure refused to do more than clatter like a jostled skeleton of bones. He tensed himself for a surge of energy that would at least lift his pole high enough from the ground for him to slip the handcuff's chain from under. Just then, something small, light and hard stung him on his bald head and bounced to the grass by his feet.
He blinked twice. When his mind twigged what his eyes begged him to recognize, his anger drained away faster than air escaping from a burst balloon.
His tantrum had shaken the handcuff keys from the scaffolding boards above, and now they rested within reach, winking at him in the morning sun.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av Clker-Free-Vector-Images fra Pixabay
September 2, 2020
In the last post: Dick Charmer threw a handful of insults at Bert. But only because Bert was still handcuffed...
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Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 40
Dick Charmer appeared from his house after five minutes, and Bert had to look twice before he recognised him. The young scoundrel had shaved his head bald and wore a checkered shirt and dungarees: a typical farmhand.
“You’re not going to snitch on me, are you?” said Dick Charmer. He spoke with a Polish accent now and prodded a couple of acne spots that weren’t there before.
“Caw, blimey!” Forgetting Chief Inspector Dobbs had handcuffed him to a scaffolding pole, Bert absent-mindedly tried to scratch his arse. When that didn't work, he clawed his head instead.
The little bunch of handcuff keys magically appeared in Dick Charmer’s hand. He dangled them in front of Bert’s nose. “Want them?”
“Course I do,” said Bert, reaching for them.
“Shame.” Dick Charmer tossed the keys up onto the scaffolding boards above their heads. "I'm glad I'm not in your shoes when Dobby the Bobby gets back. He'll go bananas when he sees I'm gone."
As Bert gazed longingly upwards, he felt something slide over his head and drop around his neck.
“It’s a gift,” said Dick Charmer. “A gold necklace with a locket. And inside the locket is a picture of some hunky guy.” He chuckled, dropped his pouch of stolen jewellery into his small battered suitcase, and snapped the lid closed. “Dobby the Bobby won’t be in such a hurry to chase after me while you’re explaining where that little trinket came from. Bye-bye, and when you’re sitting in the clink, don’t forget to spread the news of the great ‘Four-P’.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av Esther Chilcutt fra Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 40
Dick Charmer appeared from his house after five minutes, and Bert had to look twice before he recognised him. The young scoundrel had shaved his head bald and wore a checkered shirt and dungarees: a typical farmhand.
“You’re not going to snitch on me, are you?” said Dick Charmer. He spoke with a Polish accent now and prodded a couple of acne spots that weren’t there before.
“Caw, blimey!” Forgetting Chief Inspector Dobbs had handcuffed him to a scaffolding pole, Bert absent-mindedly tried to scratch his arse. When that didn't work, he clawed his head instead.
The little bunch of handcuff keys magically appeared in Dick Charmer’s hand. He dangled them in front of Bert’s nose. “Want them?”
“Course I do,” said Bert, reaching for them.
“Shame.” Dick Charmer tossed the keys up onto the scaffolding boards above their heads. "I'm glad I'm not in your shoes when Dobby the Bobby gets back. He'll go bananas when he sees I'm gone."
As Bert gazed longingly upwards, he felt something slide over his head and drop around his neck.
“It’s a gift,” said Dick Charmer. “A gold necklace with a locket. And inside the locket is a picture of some hunky guy.” He chuckled, dropped his pouch of stolen jewellery into his small battered suitcase, and snapped the lid closed. “Dobby the Bobby won’t be in such a hurry to chase after me while you’re explaining where that little trinket came from. Bye-bye, and when you’re sitting in the clink, don’t forget to spread the news of the great ‘Four-P’.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av Esther Chilcutt fra Pixabay
August 30, 2020
In the last post: Dick Charmer escaped from his handcuffs. Bert was baffled...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 39
“Hey, where’d you get those from?” said Bert, staring wide-eyed in disbelief.
Dick Charmer suspended the small bunch of keys above his head and let them dangle between his fingers. "Watch carefully."
He swiped his other hand across in front of the keys and when the hand had passed the bunch was gone. He opened both palms: they were empty. Then he placed his left hand behind his ear and produced the keys again.
"Caw," said Bert, genuinely impressed. "You're a wizard."
"Yup, these hands are magic. I lifted the handcuff keys from Dobby the Bobby just before he locked me up."
Bert's face turned blank as a piece of wood, a simple slow breath revealing his amazement. "You're a bleeding pickpocket."
"Yup. Like I said, easy. I could have taken Dobby's underpants and he wouldn’t have known.”
Bert stared down at his own handcuffs with a hollow expression and then smacked his brow. “It’s you, isn’t it?”
“Me who?”
“Him there ‘Four-P’. Peter Pepper Pick-Pocket.”
This time, Dick Charmer gaped. “How come you know?”
“Because I used to be a crook like you, and I still hear the news.”
In way of answer, Dick Charmer hooked his thumbs in his belt, thrust his hips forward, and gave a smug smile. "Means I'm famous, which is more than we can say about you. You're a no-talent dummy: fat, ugly, and clumsy." Then he spun on his heels and darted into his house.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av OpenClipart-Vectors fra Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 39
“Hey, where’d you get those from?” said Bert, staring wide-eyed in disbelief.
Dick Charmer suspended the small bunch of keys above his head and let them dangle between his fingers. "Watch carefully."
He swiped his other hand across in front of the keys and when the hand had passed the bunch was gone. He opened both palms: they were empty. Then he placed his left hand behind his ear and produced the keys again.
"Caw," said Bert, genuinely impressed. "You're a wizard."
"Yup, these hands are magic. I lifted the handcuff keys from Dobby the Bobby just before he locked me up."
Bert's face turned blank as a piece of wood, a simple slow breath revealing his amazement. "You're a bleeding pickpocket."
"Yup. Like I said, easy. I could have taken Dobby's underpants and he wouldn’t have known.”
Bert stared down at his own handcuffs with a hollow expression and then smacked his brow. “It’s you, isn’t it?”
“Me who?”
“Him there ‘Four-P’. Peter Pepper Pick-Pocket.”
This time, Dick Charmer gaped. “How come you know?”
“Because I used to be a crook like you, and I still hear the news.”
In way of answer, Dick Charmer hooked his thumbs in his belt, thrust his hips forward, and gave a smug smile. "Means I'm famous, which is more than we can say about you. You're a no-talent dummy: fat, ugly, and clumsy." Then he spun on his heels and darted into his house.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Bildet er tatt av OpenClipart-Vectors fra Pixabay
August 26, 2020
In the last post: Chief Inspector Dobbs knows the whereabouts of the lost engagement ring. The others are blank...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 38
After Chief Inspector Dobbs had stormed off to eat breakfast, Dick Charmer and Bert glared at each other. They were alone now, two houses apart, handcuffed to scaffolding that besieged the terrace building.
“Shame I won’t get to finish the roof,” said Dick Charmer, and rattled his handcuffs against the pole that held him captive.
"Shame I didn't get to hang you," muttered Bert. “You’re clever at fixing roofs all right, but even cleverer at ruining people’s love lives. You’re a danger to women and ought to be wiped out like the piece of snot you are.”
Dick Charmer chuckled, and his mouth slackened in mock shock. “Who, me?”
“Yeah, you. And if we wasn’t chained up like this I’d come over there and break every bone in your body. Prison’s too good for you.”
“Prison? No way!” Dick Charmer rocked back on his heels and snickered. “I won’t be going to prison." He squinted at Bert, a hard smile on his face. "But you will.”
Bert turned away, giving himself time to gather his thoughts. He didn't understand why either of them should go to prison. Apart from causing a disturbance and frightening the life out of his fiancé, Olive, they had done nothing wrong: especially him.
Still, Chief Inspector Dobbs had promised to have them locked up, and he doubtless would, at least for a few days, maybe even longer. “How are you gonna get out this prediclement then?” He narrowed his eyes and tried to cross his arms; when that proved impossible he spread his legs instead.
"You mean predicament, Bert."
"Yeah, that's what I said, premicadent."
“Easy.” Dick Charmer winked, twisted his hip, slid his right hand into a pocket, and drew out a small bunch of keys. With one deft movement, he unlocked his handcuffs and skipped away from the scaffolding.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 38
After Chief Inspector Dobbs had stormed off to eat breakfast, Dick Charmer and Bert glared at each other. They were alone now, two houses apart, handcuffed to scaffolding that besieged the terrace building.
“Shame I won’t get to finish the roof,” said Dick Charmer, and rattled his handcuffs against the pole that held him captive.
"Shame I didn't get to hang you," muttered Bert. “You’re clever at fixing roofs all right, but even cleverer at ruining people’s love lives. You’re a danger to women and ought to be wiped out like the piece of snot you are.”
Dick Charmer chuckled, and his mouth slackened in mock shock. “Who, me?”
“Yeah, you. And if we wasn’t chained up like this I’d come over there and break every bone in your body. Prison’s too good for you.”
“Prison? No way!” Dick Charmer rocked back on his heels and snickered. “I won’t be going to prison." He squinted at Bert, a hard smile on his face. "But you will.”
Bert turned away, giving himself time to gather his thoughts. He didn't understand why either of them should go to prison. Apart from causing a disturbance and frightening the life out of his fiancé, Olive, they had done nothing wrong: especially him.
Still, Chief Inspector Dobbs had promised to have them locked up, and he doubtless would, at least for a few days, maybe even longer. “How are you gonna get out this prediclement then?” He narrowed his eyes and tried to cross his arms; when that proved impossible he spread his legs instead.
"You mean predicament, Bert."
"Yeah, that's what I said, premicadent."
“Easy.” Dick Charmer winked, twisted his hip, slid his right hand into a pocket, and drew out a small bunch of keys. With one deft movement, he unlocked his handcuffs and skipped away from the scaffolding.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
