James Field's Blog, page 28
August 23, 2020
In the last post: Olive had stopped wearing her engagement ring. Bert was heartbroken...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds’
stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 37
Olive reached out and stroked Bert’s cheek. “That isn’t true. I lost the gorgeous ring and I’m so upset I could cry.” She brushed her hand under her nose, like a child with a chill, and squeezed a tear from the corner of a mascara streaked eye.
"Where?" said Bert.
Her eyes rolled skyward. "If I knew that it wouldn't be lost, would it?"
“Oh yeah, I didn’t think of that.”
"Enough of this babble," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, pressing between them. He rose on tiptoes and dragged his identity card from around Bert's head.
Olive squinted, tilted her head to one side, and puckered her bright-red lips. “Bert, why are you wearing Inspector Dobbs’s dumb identity card?”
“Chief Inspector Dobbs,” he reminded her. “And I’d like to know the answer too.”
“I…” Bert’s gaze ping-ponged between the inspector and Olive. He couldn't tell them it suddenly appeared there during the night. That sounded so stupid. He swallowed a couple of times, blinked, and then blurted out, “I found it.”
“Where?” demanded Chief Inspector Dobbs.
Again Bert hesitated, licking his lips. “I’m good at finding things, but I don’t always remember where.”
Olive squirmed into his arm, hugged it tight, and gazed up into his eyes. An expression of expectant hope replaced the look of despair. “Do you think you can find our engagement ring?”
“Yes,” said Bert, eyes already searching in the long grass around their feet. “I’ll find it. I promise. And if I can't, I'll buy you a new one, bigger and better.”
Chief Inspector Dobbs grunted. “You and Dick Charmer are accomplices. You both know exactly where your ring is, and so do I.” He whirled about and marched away as best he could in his floppy slippers. “Are you coming or not?” he called over his shoulder.
Florence and Olive tagged along behind, both pecking at his shoulders with insistent fingers, urging to learn what he knew about the ring.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 37
Olive reached out and stroked Bert’s cheek. “That isn’t true. I lost the gorgeous ring and I’m so upset I could cry.” She brushed her hand under her nose, like a child with a chill, and squeezed a tear from the corner of a mascara streaked eye.
"Where?" said Bert.
Her eyes rolled skyward. "If I knew that it wouldn't be lost, would it?"
“Oh yeah, I didn’t think of that.”
"Enough of this babble," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, pressing between them. He rose on tiptoes and dragged his identity card from around Bert's head.
Olive squinted, tilted her head to one side, and puckered her bright-red lips. “Bert, why are you wearing Inspector Dobbs’s dumb identity card?”
“Chief Inspector Dobbs,” he reminded her. “And I’d like to know the answer too.”
“I…” Bert’s gaze ping-ponged between the inspector and Olive. He couldn't tell them it suddenly appeared there during the night. That sounded so stupid. He swallowed a couple of times, blinked, and then blurted out, “I found it.”
“Where?” demanded Chief Inspector Dobbs.
Again Bert hesitated, licking his lips. “I’m good at finding things, but I don’t always remember where.”
Olive squirmed into his arm, hugged it tight, and gazed up into his eyes. An expression of expectant hope replaced the look of despair. “Do you think you can find our engagement ring?”
“Yes,” said Bert, eyes already searching in the long grass around their feet. “I’ll find it. I promise. And if I can't, I'll buy you a new one, bigger and better.”
Chief Inspector Dobbs grunted. “You and Dick Charmer are accomplices. You both know exactly where your ring is, and so do I.” He whirled about and marched away as best he could in his floppy slippers. “Are you coming or not?” he called over his shoulder.
Florence and Olive tagged along behind, both pecking at his shoulders with insistent fingers, urging to learn what he knew about the ring.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
August 19, 2020
In the last post: frail and gentle Olive went berserk. Dick Charmer and Bert went pale...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘L
ife in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 36
Olive lunged over to Dick Charmer, who was handcuffed to a scaffolding pole outside his front door, and stamped on his foot with her stiletto heel. “Was it you who tried to scare the life out of me?”
Dick Charmer scrunched his eyes and tottered on one foot. "Get away from me you crazy woman."
Not satisfied with the answer, Olive kicked him in the shin with the pointed toe of her shoe. “Think yourself lucky I didn’t aim higher, lover boy.” Leaving him hanging to the scaffolding pole with his eyes crossed, she marched across to Bert, who was handcuffed to a scaffolding pole outside her front door. “Or was it you? You with your jealousy?”
Bert gave a snort of dismissive laughter. “Jealous? Who could blame me? Everybody could see how you was flirting with him over there. He’s a menace to women.”
“So it was you?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Olive stood with hands on hips and tapped her foot. “What are you saying?”
“I ain’t saying it was me who done it, I’m just saying it was him who made me do it. Er, some of it." He peered into the ground and muttered. "The scarecrow weren’t nothing to do with me.” Bert gave her a long pained look, then broke eye contact and sunk his head, studying his hands. “You never show me such affliction as you showed him.”
“Affection, Bert. You mean affection.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said, afflection.” Bert’s voice fell to a whisper and his shoulders sagged. “I don't think you like me no more. You don’t even wear that engagement ring I gave you.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 36
Olive lunged over to Dick Charmer, who was handcuffed to a scaffolding pole outside his front door, and stamped on his foot with her stiletto heel. “Was it you who tried to scare the life out of me?”
Dick Charmer scrunched his eyes and tottered on one foot. "Get away from me you crazy woman."
Not satisfied with the answer, Olive kicked him in the shin with the pointed toe of her shoe. “Think yourself lucky I didn’t aim higher, lover boy.” Leaving him hanging to the scaffolding pole with his eyes crossed, she marched across to Bert, who was handcuffed to a scaffolding pole outside her front door. “Or was it you? You with your jealousy?”
Bert gave a snort of dismissive laughter. “Jealous? Who could blame me? Everybody could see how you was flirting with him over there. He’s a menace to women.”
“So it was you?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Olive stood with hands on hips and tapped her foot. “What are you saying?”
“I ain’t saying it was me who done it, I’m just saying it was him who made me do it. Er, some of it." He peered into the ground and muttered. "The scarecrow weren’t nothing to do with me.” Bert gave her a long pained look, then broke eye contact and sunk his head, studying his hands. “You never show me such affliction as you showed him.”
“Affection, Bert. You mean affection.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said, afflection.” Bert’s voice fell to a whisper and his shoulders sagged. “I don't think you like me no more. You don’t even wear that engagement ring I gave you.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay
August 16, 2020
In the last post: Chief Inspector Dobbs was off to breakfast, leaving Dick Charmer and Bert handcuffed to their polls...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new
‘Life in the Clouds’
stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 35
"Tie a knot in it," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, and spun to leave. When he returned, the two delinquent lawbreakers might be ready to talk. If not, he couldn't care less, he'd soon have them in the clink for interrogation.
Talking of knots, his hollow stomach had tied one of its own. After downing some food and dressing, he hoped his mood would improve, although he doubted it. Right now, he hated the world and all those who infested it.
Behind the scarecrow dangling from its neck, Olive's front door opened and his wife, Florence, guided Olive around the gruesome effigy. Olive still looked ashen after the shock of finding what she imagined as a man hanging by his neck right outside her house.
“I’ve invited Olive to breakfast,” said Florence.
Chief Inspector Dobbs did nothing to hide the disapproval that flashed across his face. He hated Olive. She was as big a crook as Dick Charmer and Bert, and he ought to handcuff her along with them. He couldn't have been more displeased even if Florence had told him she was pregnant.
Florence, a plump woman, whose soft wrinkle-free skin made her appear younger than her years, clicked her tongue and wagged a finger. “Now then, Poochy, Olive has had a nasty shock. She’s such a frail and gentle creature.”
“You bastards,” shrieked Olive, and flailed her handbag around her head like a bludgeon. “Which of you two creeps did this?” Her handbag socked the scarecrow’s head with such force that it shot off like a cannon ball and rolled into the road.
Dick Charmer and Bert turned pale and glanced at each other, both shaking their heads vigorously. "It was him," they said.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Paul Brennan from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 35
"Tie a knot in it," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, and spun to leave. When he returned, the two delinquent lawbreakers might be ready to talk. If not, he couldn't care less, he'd soon have them in the clink for interrogation.
Talking of knots, his hollow stomach had tied one of its own. After downing some food and dressing, he hoped his mood would improve, although he doubted it. Right now, he hated the world and all those who infested it.
Behind the scarecrow dangling from its neck, Olive's front door opened and his wife, Florence, guided Olive around the gruesome effigy. Olive still looked ashen after the shock of finding what she imagined as a man hanging by his neck right outside her house.
“I’ve invited Olive to breakfast,” said Florence.
Chief Inspector Dobbs did nothing to hide the disapproval that flashed across his face. He hated Olive. She was as big a crook as Dick Charmer and Bert, and he ought to handcuff her along with them. He couldn't have been more displeased even if Florence had told him she was pregnant.
Florence, a plump woman, whose soft wrinkle-free skin made her appear younger than her years, clicked her tongue and wagged a finger. “Now then, Poochy, Olive has had a nasty shock. She’s such a frail and gentle creature.”
“You bastards,” shrieked Olive, and flailed her handbag around her head like a bludgeon. “Which of you two creeps did this?” Her handbag socked the scarecrow’s head with such force that it shot off like a cannon ball and rolled into the road.
Dick Charmer and Bert turned pale and glanced at each other, both shaking their heads vigorously. "It was him," they said.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Paul Brennan from Pixabay
August 12, 2020
In the last post: After breakfast, Chief Inspector Dobbs will interrogate his captives about the pouch of stolen trinkets...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 34
Bert tested his handcuffs against the scaffolding pole. Both were of solid metal. There was no chance of flight for either Dick Charmer or him.
He glanced across at Dick Charmer. Although Chief Inspector Dobbs had found a pouch of stolen jewelry in his house, the young scoundrel didn't seem upset at all. He'd clasped his hands, crossed his legs, and leant his shoulder against a scaffolding pole.
“That’s right, Dobby, old chap," said Dick Charmer. "You go and have a nice breakfast, get dressed, and brush your teeth. Just don’t be too long.”
“Too long?” Chief inspector Dobbs stretched his jaws wide and flapped a hand over his open mouth. “I might even have a nap after breakfast. I shouldn’t worry about time if I were you, you’ll both be doing plenty of that.”
Bert moaned and wrung his hands. He still felt confused by the entire business. Apart from wanting to hang Dick Charmer by the neck for flirting with his fiancé, Olive, he'd done nothing illegal. “Inspector Dobbs, Sir, I…"
“Chief Inspector Dobbs.”
“Yeah, sorry. Chief, Sir.”
“Well, what?”
Bert crossed his legs at the knees and bent forward at his generous waist. “I’m bursting for a piss.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Augusto Ordonez from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 34
Bert tested his handcuffs against the scaffolding pole. Both were of solid metal. There was no chance of flight for either Dick Charmer or him.
He glanced across at Dick Charmer. Although Chief Inspector Dobbs had found a pouch of stolen jewelry in his house, the young scoundrel didn't seem upset at all. He'd clasped his hands, crossed his legs, and leant his shoulder against a scaffolding pole.
“That’s right, Dobby, old chap," said Dick Charmer. "You go and have a nice breakfast, get dressed, and brush your teeth. Just don’t be too long.”
“Too long?” Chief inspector Dobbs stretched his jaws wide and flapped a hand over his open mouth. “I might even have a nap after breakfast. I shouldn’t worry about time if I were you, you’ll both be doing plenty of that.”
Bert moaned and wrung his hands. He still felt confused by the entire business. Apart from wanting to hang Dick Charmer by the neck for flirting with his fiancé, Olive, he'd done nothing illegal. “Inspector Dobbs, Sir, I…"
“Chief Inspector Dobbs.”
“Yeah, sorry. Chief, Sir.”
“Well, what?”
Bert crossed his legs at the knees and bent forward at his generous waist. “I’m bursting for a piss.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Augusto Ordonez from Pixabay
August 9, 2020
In the last post: with both suspects handcuffed to the scaffolding, Chief Inspector Dobbs searches for evidence...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 33
The interior of all three terrace houses contained the same: front door leading straight into the lounge, living room and kitchen at the back, two bedrooms and bathroom upstairs, outside toilet in the backyard.
Chief Inspector Dobbs didn’t need to search further than Dick Charmer's lounge. A small suitcase lay open on the floor, packed ready to leave. A canvas pouch nestled on top of the few clothes.
“Just as I feared,” uttered Chief Inspector Dobbs, testing the pouch’s weight and fingering its contents through the cloth. He loosened the pouch’s tie string and peeked inside. Silver and gold glistened back at him, the spoils of a stealthy pickpocket.
Back outside in the morning sunshine, Chief inspector Dobbs considered his two handcuffed captives. They stood apart from each other, securely arrested by handcuffs and scaffolding poles trapped between their arms.
“You’re a pair of crooks,” he said, pulling his dressing gown snugly across his chest and tightening the belt. He drew a lungful of fresh air through his nose and breathed out slowly through his mouth. “I’m going to my cottage now, to dress and eat a well-deserved breakfast. When I return, I’ll let you explain about the bag of goodies.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Małgorzata Smożewska from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 33
The interior of all three terrace houses contained the same: front door leading straight into the lounge, living room and kitchen at the back, two bedrooms and bathroom upstairs, outside toilet in the backyard.
Chief Inspector Dobbs didn’t need to search further than Dick Charmer's lounge. A small suitcase lay open on the floor, packed ready to leave. A canvas pouch nestled on top of the few clothes.
“Just as I feared,” uttered Chief Inspector Dobbs, testing the pouch’s weight and fingering its contents through the cloth. He loosened the pouch’s tie string and peeked inside. Silver and gold glistened back at him, the spoils of a stealthy pickpocket.
Back outside in the morning sunshine, Chief inspector Dobbs considered his two handcuffed captives. They stood apart from each other, securely arrested by handcuffs and scaffolding poles trapped between their arms.
“You’re a pair of crooks,” he said, pulling his dressing gown snugly across his chest and tightening the belt. He drew a lungful of fresh air through his nose and breathed out slowly through his mouth. “I’m going to my cottage now, to dress and eat a well-deserved breakfast. When I return, I’ll let you explain about the bag of goodies.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Małgorzata Smożewska from Pixabay
August 4, 2020
In the last post: If the hanging was a joke, it wasn't funny. Whatever, Chief Inspector Dobbs was on the case...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 32
Chief Inspector Dobbs locked eyes with Dick Charmer. He was an expert at staring his adversary into submission, and it wasn’t long before the young rogue's smile crumpled.
“Better get on," said Dick Charmer. He scratched his nose and pivoted to go back indoors. "Work to do.”
“No you don’t.” Chief Inspector Dobbs produced a second set of handcuffs from his bulky dressing gown pockets. “Get yourself over here.”
The inspector wasn’t tall, his physical strength had dwindled with the years, and he felt ridiculous in his nightgown and slippers. He rubbed his lips with one hand and dangled the handcuffs at arm's length with the other, as if hiding behind them restored some of his prestige.
Dick Charmer glanced through the open doorway into his lounge. "Can you give me a second?" he asked.
"No." His voice carried such an air of authority that Dick Charmer flinched.
A flutter of irritation washed across the lad's face, but he yanked his front door closed, darted over to where Chief Inspector Dobbs stood, and plunked his arm around the policeman’s shoulder. “Now see here, Dobby, you’re not planning to stick those on me, are you?”
“Get your arm off me, you sodding twerp, and place your hands on each side of this scaffolding pole.”
“Why? What have I done?”
"Yeah," said Bert, already handcuffed to the scaffolding outside Olive's house. "What have I done too?"
“That’s what I’m about to find out." Chief Inspector Dobbs snapped the handcuffs over Dick Charmer’s wrists, left him stranded there, and ambled toward the man’s front door.
“You can’t go in there without a search warrant,” called Dick Charmer, rattling his handcuffs against the scaffolding pole.
Chief Inspector Dobbs thrust the door open with his slippered toe and spoke without turning. “I write my own warrants,” he said, and marched straight in.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 32
Chief Inspector Dobbs locked eyes with Dick Charmer. He was an expert at staring his adversary into submission, and it wasn’t long before the young rogue's smile crumpled.
“Better get on," said Dick Charmer. He scratched his nose and pivoted to go back indoors. "Work to do.”
“No you don’t.” Chief Inspector Dobbs produced a second set of handcuffs from his bulky dressing gown pockets. “Get yourself over here.”
The inspector wasn’t tall, his physical strength had dwindled with the years, and he felt ridiculous in his nightgown and slippers. He rubbed his lips with one hand and dangled the handcuffs at arm's length with the other, as if hiding behind them restored some of his prestige.
Dick Charmer glanced through the open doorway into his lounge. "Can you give me a second?" he asked.
"No." His voice carried such an air of authority that Dick Charmer flinched.
A flutter of irritation washed across the lad's face, but he yanked his front door closed, darted over to where Chief Inspector Dobbs stood, and plunked his arm around the policeman’s shoulder. “Now see here, Dobby, you’re not planning to stick those on me, are you?”
“Get your arm off me, you sodding twerp, and place your hands on each side of this scaffolding pole.”
“Why? What have I done?”
"Yeah," said Bert, already handcuffed to the scaffolding outside Olive's house. "What have I done too?"
“That’s what I’m about to find out." Chief Inspector Dobbs snapped the handcuffs over Dick Charmer’s wrists, left him stranded there, and ambled toward the man’s front door.
“You can’t go in there without a search warrant,” called Dick Charmer, rattling his handcuffs against the scaffolding pole.
Chief Inspector Dobbs thrust the door open with his slippered toe and spoke without turning. “I write my own warrants,” he said, and marched straight in.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
August 2, 2020
In the last post: wearing a dressing gown and slippers, Chief Inspector Dobbs took control of the murder scene...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘ Life in the Clouds ’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 31
Chief Inspector Dobbs gazed at the scaffolding-clad terrace house. Tall shrubs and clinging ivy covered most of the building's jagged stone walls. New slates crowned the roof with the assurance of another century of shelter. Short, well-groomed gardens fronted each of the three dwellings. A powerful scent of honeysuckle filled the morning air, and fluffy bees already droned their busy song while flitting among rose bushes bordering the lawns.
The semi-retired policeman gave a bitter smile. Tragic circumstances ruined the idyllic scene: in his expert opinion, criminals occupied all three houses. Big fat Bert in the end house was a previously convicted robber who now worked at The Cloud Estate as a security guard. Olive, in the centre house, was a previously convicted con artist, who now worked at The Stables as a bookkeeper. And young Dick Charmer, in the house at the other end, was a suspected pickpocket who covered his crime by working as a roofing contractor.
Right now, the morning's wicked drama made him want to spit. Either Bert or Dick Charmer had hung a scarecrow outside Olive’s front door, making it look like an execution. Both had denied it was their doing. Why? Was it a sick joke, or something more sinister? And why was his identity card hanging around Bert's neck?
He needed time to think. He'd already handcuffed the ruffled Bert to a scaffolding pole, and Dick Charmer, smarmy innocence plastered all over his face, would soon follow.
Displaying his fiercest scowl, Chief Inspector Dobbs flapped his arms at the small gathering of early morning spectators. “Go on, get out of here, the show’s over.”
Reluctantly, they shuffled away, gazing back over their shoulders and giggling.
"Hurry along or I'll have the riot squad here and the lot of you locked up."
Satisfied he was now master of the predicament, Chief Inspector Dobbs set his jaw and whirled about to Bert and Dick Charmer. His voice grated, steady and low-pitched. “I don’t know what your game is, but I’m sure as heck going to find out.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by István Mihály from Pixabay
July 28, 2020
In the last post: Bert was dumbfounded by events. It ended with him handcuffed to the scaffolding...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 30
Earlier that morning, Just as Chief Inspector Dobbs had climbed out of bed and padded his way to the bathroom, he’d caught a woman's scream. It wasn’t an ordinary cry, like when somebody stubs their toe or slams their finger in a car door. This was a blood-curdling howl as if the person had opened their front door and found a dead body hanging there.
Like the top-notch, semi-retired, professional law enforcer that he was, Chief Inspector Dobbs changed direction and rushed to his own front door.
"That sounds like Olive," his wife said, abruptly by his side and clutching his arm. As always, her voice sounded soft and husky.
Chief Inspector Dobbs unhooked her hand and tried not to show his annoyance. He'd spent most of his life as a bachelor. Marriage was a new experience and he wasn't certain he liked it—yet. Sure, Florence was a fine woman, plump and ripe, but he hated it when she involved herself in his police work. "Stay here," he ordered.
She drew a thin overcoat over her flowery nightdress, tied a mauve and green scarf across her tangled hair, and tagged along behind him. He didn't have time to bark at her, and anyway, she only ever laughed at his outbursts.
Outside, other people already ran towards Olive's house. As they drew close, Chief Inspector Dobbs sighted a body hanging by its neck in front of Olive's door, and Olive lying at the victim's feet. He gave himself a mental pat on the back for recognizing the scream's significance: a result of diligent experience.
"Stay behind me," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, not wanting his wife to faint or spew. "This looks like a nasty business." Instead, Florence forged ahead, dodged around the dead body, and helped the stricken Olive to her feet. She guided Olive into the house, cooing words of comfort, and slammed the door behind her.
Chief Inspector Dobbs normally radiated confidence and authority at the site of a crime. Standing there in his dressing gown and slippers was a new event, and his nakedness made it difficult to take charge. It didn't help his mood that Florence had pooh-hooed him.
Suddenly, he let out an enormous breath and muttered a soft curse. Luckily, this wasn’t a proper murder scene at all , but somebody’s idea of a sick joke. The dead body hanging from a noose right outside Olive’s door was nothing more than a scarecrow.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by succo from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 30
Earlier that morning, Just as Chief Inspector Dobbs had climbed out of bed and padded his way to the bathroom, he’d caught a woman's scream. It wasn’t an ordinary cry, like when somebody stubs their toe or slams their finger in a car door. This was a blood-curdling howl as if the person had opened their front door and found a dead body hanging there.
Like the top-notch, semi-retired, professional law enforcer that he was, Chief Inspector Dobbs changed direction and rushed to his own front door.
"That sounds like Olive," his wife said, abruptly by his side and clutching his arm. As always, her voice sounded soft and husky.
Chief Inspector Dobbs unhooked her hand and tried not to show his annoyance. He'd spent most of his life as a bachelor. Marriage was a new experience and he wasn't certain he liked it—yet. Sure, Florence was a fine woman, plump and ripe, but he hated it when she involved herself in his police work. "Stay here," he ordered.
She drew a thin overcoat over her flowery nightdress, tied a mauve and green scarf across her tangled hair, and tagged along behind him. He didn't have time to bark at her, and anyway, she only ever laughed at his outbursts.
Outside, other people already ran towards Olive's house. As they drew close, Chief Inspector Dobbs sighted a body hanging by its neck in front of Olive's door, and Olive lying at the victim's feet. He gave himself a mental pat on the back for recognizing the scream's significance: a result of diligent experience.
"Stay behind me," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, not wanting his wife to faint or spew. "This looks like a nasty business." Instead, Florence forged ahead, dodged around the dead body, and helped the stricken Olive to her feet. She guided Olive into the house, cooing words of comfort, and slammed the door behind her.
Chief Inspector Dobbs normally radiated confidence and authority at the site of a crime. Standing there in his dressing gown and slippers was a new event, and his nakedness made it difficult to take charge. It didn't help his mood that Florence had pooh-hooed him.
Suddenly, he let out an enormous breath and muttered a soft curse. Luckily, this wasn’t a proper murder scene at all , but somebody’s idea of a sick joke. The dead body hanging from a noose right outside Olive’s door was nothing more than a scarecrow.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by succo from Pixabay
July 26, 2020
In the last post: The gardener hung dead by his neck, and everyone but Bert found it hysterical...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 29
“You heard,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs, jabbing a finger at Bert who still clutched to the scaffolding ladder. "Come and take the scarecrow down.”
Bert shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He pouted and waggled a finger in his ear. “What?”
“You stuck it there, you take it down.”
“Scarecrow?” Bert rubbed his eyes, one at a time, and then stared wide-eyed at the body hanging from his home-made noose. He could see now that it wasn’t Lance, but a collection of his old clothes stuffed with straw.
He shot a venomous look at the smug Dick Charmer, his intended victim, and bolted down the ladder’s last few rungs so fast that he almost fell. “I’ll kill him with me bare hands,” he roared, “He’s made a mug of me.”
“Stop right there,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs, placing his life in danger by stepping in front of Bert’s colossal bulk. And then he froze with amazement and pointed at Bert's chest. “Where did you get that?”
Bert stopped, and when he peered down, he spotted the inspector’s identification card hanging around his neck. He stared at the card with enormous eyes. “I… I… I don’t know.”
“Right then, I’ll deal with you later. Hold your hands out on either side of that scaffolding pole.”
Dumbfounded by the strange turn of events, Bert followed orders. With a grunt of relish, Chief Inspector Dobbs fished a chunky set of handcuffs from his dressing gown pocket, and with practised ease snapped them over Bert’s wrists.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 29
“You heard,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs, jabbing a finger at Bert who still clutched to the scaffolding ladder. "Come and take the scarecrow down.”
Bert shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He pouted and waggled a finger in his ear. “What?”
“You stuck it there, you take it down.”
“Scarecrow?” Bert rubbed his eyes, one at a time, and then stared wide-eyed at the body hanging from his home-made noose. He could see now that it wasn’t Lance, but a collection of his old clothes stuffed with straw.
He shot a venomous look at the smug Dick Charmer, his intended victim, and bolted down the ladder’s last few rungs so fast that he almost fell. “I’ll kill him with me bare hands,” he roared, “He’s made a mug of me.”
“Stop right there,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs, placing his life in danger by stepping in front of Bert’s colossal bulk. And then he froze with amazement and pointed at Bert's chest. “Where did you get that?”
Bert stopped, and when he peered down, he spotted the inspector’s identification card hanging around his neck. He stared at the card with enormous eyes. “I… I… I don’t know.”
“Right then, I’ll deal with you later. Hold your hands out on either side of that scaffolding pole.”
Dumbfounded by the strange turn of events, Bert followed orders. With a grunt of relish, Chief Inspector Dobbs fished a chunky set of handcuffs from his dressing gown pocket, and with practised ease snapped them over Bert’s wrists.
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
July 21, 2020
In the last post: Bert had accidentally executed the gardener, Lance. Chief Inspector Dobbs wants answers...
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘
Life in the Clouds
’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 28
Aroused by Olive's piercing scream, a small crowd of early risers gathered. Half of them were young ladies, vacationing at The Stables. The rest comprised workers and owners who had been up since dawn to groom the horses, tend the farm animals, or mind the pets in the mini-zoo.
Bert blinked, he couldn't believe it: they sniggered and laughed as if attending a Punch and Judy show.
At the neighbouring terrace house, Dick Charmer opened his front door and stationed himself in the frame, hands on hips. “Pleasant morning for a hanging,” he said, and a fresh round of laughter broke out.
“What’s so funny?” Bert demanded to know, lips pinched into a white gash. He swung away from the ladder, clutched on by one hand, and twisted to gawk at the mob. “Can’t you see Lance is dead?”
This triggered a rowdy guffaw from Dick Charmer, and the crowd went into hysterics, clapping and stomping their feet.
“That’s enough,” growled Chief Inspector Dobbs, struggling to look authoritative in his dressing gown and slippers. “Everybody go about your business; and no photos. Put your mobiles away or I’ll confiscate them.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Steve Bidmead from Pixabayom HTML
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 28
Aroused by Olive's piercing scream, a small crowd of early risers gathered. Half of them were young ladies, vacationing at The Stables. The rest comprised workers and owners who had been up since dawn to groom the horses, tend the farm animals, or mind the pets in the mini-zoo.
Bert blinked, he couldn't believe it: they sniggered and laughed as if attending a Punch and Judy show.
At the neighbouring terrace house, Dick Charmer opened his front door and stationed himself in the frame, hands on hips. “Pleasant morning for a hanging,” he said, and a fresh round of laughter broke out.
“What’s so funny?” Bert demanded to know, lips pinched into a white gash. He swung away from the ladder, clutched on by one hand, and twisted to gawk at the mob. “Can’t you see Lance is dead?”
This triggered a rowdy guffaw from Dick Charmer, and the crowd went into hysterics, clapping and stomping their feet.
“That’s enough,” growled Chief Inspector Dobbs, struggling to look authoritative in his dressing gown and slippers. “Everybody go about your business; and no photos. Put your mobiles away or I’ll confiscate them.”
To be continued…
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin ’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth .
-
Image by Steve Bidmead from Pixabayom HTML
