Betsy Talbot's Blog, page 7

December 8, 2014

44 Things Every Woman My Age Knows (or Will After Reading This)

Wonder Woman


Happy birthday to me! In honor of my birthday, I’m giving a gift to you: TOP SECRET information that only those who have passed this magical age can claim.


(Okay, that’s a lie. You might be faster or smarter than me. But it’s my birthday and you can’t contradict me for a full 24 hours. It’s in the rule book; look it up. Also, I wrote the rule book.)


What I’ve Learned in 44 Years of Practice as a Human Female

If someone wants to sleep with you, he/she doesn’t care what your underwear looks like. Go ahead and wear a matching set of undies, white cotton basics, or go commando, but don’t say no to sex you want just because you wore granny panties today.
When you downplay your beliefs or opinions for other people, you soften yourself. Don’t get flabby with your brain or your soul, because a gym can’t fix that.
Be open to new friendships, but be choosy who you let in. It’s a lot harder to kick the jerks out than it is to keep them from coming in.
Say what you want. Say what you want so clearly that a child could understand it. Guessing games are for players.
Learn how to give yourself an orgasm and practice it regularly.
Teach your partner(s) how you to give you an orgasm. Faking the O leads to faking other things, and fake has no place in an adult relationship.
Know what your boundaries are by questioning yourself. If you don’t know your boundaries, you can’t expect anyone else to.
Ask for help when you need it. Vulnerability makes you stronger.
You find what you look for in situations, relationships, and even in the mirror. Look for the good and you’ll find it, and vice versa.
Stop buying stupid shit. You don’t need it.
Stop buying stupid shit on credit cards. You’ll never have enough money for the future if you continually pay on the past.
You look good in your jeans/bathing suit/outfit if you think you look good. Confidence is the most attractive thing you can wear, even under a hoodie.
You probably wore the wrong bra size in your 20s, maybe even your 30s. But there is no excuse beyond your 40s. Get a professional bra fitting and buy a damn bra that holds your girls up properly. Gravity is kicking in.
Processed food and sugar will kill you slowly and make you look and feel like crap along the way. Give it up and you’ll feel 10 years younger in less than a month.
Eliminate the word “try” from your vocabulary and you’ll actually do all those things you’ve been “trying” to do for years.
Adjust your standards when someone else is doing the work. So what if he doesn’t mop as good as you do or fold the towels the right way? You didn’t have to do it! (And less nagging means he/she will do chores more often in the future.)
Saying “thank you” is never out of place.
Someone who gossips to you will gossip about you.
Don’t blame your bad behavior on hormones or your period or stress. If you’re going to act like a bitch, own it.
Learn how to work out your stress/hormonal fluctuations in healthier ways, like exercise, scream therapy, loud music, or meditation. Stress relief is not a gift to the people around you; it’s a gift to yourself.
Get a passport, even if you don’t have a plan to go somewhere. Because when the opportunity arises, you don’t want to be without one.
Stop wearing crappy shoes. We’re at the mid-way point of life here, and if you keep abusing your feet you’ll be hobbling around long before you have to.
That thing you’ve always wanted to do? You should probably start on that now or it’s not gonna happen.
There is no such thing as a self-made man, woman, or entity. We all had and continue to have help along the way, whether we choose to see it or not.
When someone judges you, it’s a reflection of their own fears, values, and dreams.
The flip side is also true: when you judge someone else, it’s a reflection of your own fears, values, and dreams.
Facebook is not real life. It is a polished view what others are doing, so don’t compare it to the rough draft of your reality. Apples and oranges.
Don’t waste your time. Stop reading books you don’t like, turn off movies that are dumb, and leave events that aren’t doing it for you. You won’t be penalized.
Do the work to sustain your friendships with calls, dates, and emails. You’ll need your friends more as you get older, not less.
Exercise is a combination youth serum stress buster creativity generator. I walk every day for an hour, but it doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you do it regularly. The older you get, the more you’ll appreciate the benefits of a daily workout.
There are going to be people in this world that don’t like you for a variety of reasons. Don’t waste your time trying to change their minds.
Read, take classes, or learn new skills. When you stop growing, you start shrinking. There is no neutral ground.
Feminists believe in equality of the sexes politically, economically, and socially. If you don’t think adults in the world should have equal rights and standing, then you should probably crawl back under that rock and wait for the meteor to strike, because humanity is moving forward in the meantime.
Staying silent when people make racist, homophobic, sexist, classist, or hateful remarks makes people think you agree with them. If you don’t agree, don’t be a silent dickhead. Say something.
The older you get, the less makeup you should wear. Heavy makeup on aging skin has the opposite effect of what you’re going for.
Your romantic relationship can be structured in whatever way works for you and your partner(s). No one else gets a vote as long as everyone is a legal consenting adult. Not even your mother.
Women’s erotica will change your sex life for the better.
Don’t freak out when you get the first gray hair down there. It is inevitable, and no one else will even notice.
Tell the people you love what they mean to you, often. Because you don’t know how much longer you’ll have them.
When it comes to your nearest and dearest, say every compliment you think out loud and keep most critical thoughts to yourself.
Seek out friendships with people of all ages and backgrounds and your life will be richer.
Be respectful of people who choose different paths in life. You don’t have to be a parent to love kids or travel to appreciate wanderlust. There is value and meaning in every path, even if it is not the way you choose to live.
Learn to cut your own hair in an emergency. Because sometimes there really is a bang emergency.
Know how to open your own champagne bottle.

Got something else to add? Since this is the definitive list (remember, I write the rules), you’ll want to include it below in the comments for consideration. As for me, I’ll be spending the day eating a birthday cake cooked by my husband and popping a bottle of bubbly. And in between, getting a new hot water heater because…life. (I guess that’s bonus tip #45: Be flexible and learn to roll with it. Because you really don’t have a choice, do you?)


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Published on December 08, 2014 23:59

December 5, 2014

My First Flamenco Lesson in Spain

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My flamenco instructor is a striking young woman with fiery eyes, long dark hair, and a ready smile. She wears a long black practice skirt with ruffles and the traditional black shoes with taps on the bottom to make more noise. She seems confident that I can both follow her rapid-fire Spanish and her sultry and powerful moves.


I do not yet share her confidence.


The class takes place in a small studio near the church in our village in Southern Spain. There is a wooden platform stage facing a row of large mirrors, and the women who’ve come to class are wearing flamenco shoes, tights, and flowing shirts, like seasoned dancers at rehearsal.


I show up in yoga pants and walkers, feeling a little bit out of place.


Most women in the village already know the basics of flamenco, as it is taught from childhood. In fact, my friend’s 4-year-old daughter is already a veteran flamenco performer at local fiestas. Adult classes for beginning flamenco are not in high demand, so I’m pretty excited to have the chance to try it out.


La maestra stands facing the mirror, her back to us, and her skirt pulled up high so we can see how her legs move as she talks. (I smile when I notice she’s wearing skinny jeans underneath.) We align behind her, ready to start.


Un, do, tre, cua. Un do, tre, cua.


Golpe!


Golpe means “strike” and it is when the foot comes down hard on the wooden floor. This stomp is the emphasis within the swirl of movement, the hard crack amidst the swishing sound of skirts.


The strike feels good…powerful…noticeable. This I do well.


La maestra patiently teaches us to count, move, sweep, and twirl, working in half time. This I do not do so well, my arms flailing as my feet struggle to stay in time.


She adds music, and we repeat until we have some semblance of a dance, less than one-minute’s worth of moves after one hour of practice.


The result wasn’t graceful, but it was fun enough that I decided to sign up for a full course. Yesterday I went to the town hall to register, and when I told the clerk there I was taking baile (dance), she immediately did the graceful 3-step movement of the arms while sitting in her office chair and recited the line:


Coger, comer, tirar.


Grab, eat, throw.


You see, she learned as a kid to grab the imaginary apple from the tree, bring it toward her lips, and then throw it off to the side. She has a child’s terminology to help her remember the basic arm movements of flamenco, even after all these years.


This is what I love about trying new things around the world, sharing my stumbles and missteps with other people, and learning the little secrets they know to become better. Because in many ways I do need the child’s version of instructions, the simplest words and concepts possible.


I need to be treated like a child, to admit I know nothing, and absorb instruction from people who know more than I do.


The alternative is to stay in a safe bubble where I already know what I know and don’t challenge myself with anything else. And that’s not the way I want to live, even if it makes me look foolish from time to time.


So today I go to my second class, where I will grab, eat, and throw. I will likely stumble and make a few wrong moves. And I’ll still be wearing the wrong shoes and clothes. But I will have fun.


And if I want to become a better flamenco dancer, I’ll just ask my 4-year-old friend to coach me between classes.


Photo by Jean-David & Anne-Laure via Flickr and used under a Creative Commons license.


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Published on December 05, 2014 02:31

December 3, 2014

Feed your Passion (Podcast #91 with John Parsons)

Episode 91 comes to you from chilly southern Spain. So many people get wrapped up in making a living from their passions, but that’s not always possible. So they give up entirely. This is true for music, painting, writing, sports, etc. But you can have it both ways…and today’s guest is living proof. Find out […]

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Published on December 03, 2014 02:33

November 26, 2014

Cultivating Optimism and Overcoming Tragedy (Podcast #90 with Edie Weinstein)

Episode 90 comes to you from sunny Andalucia, Spain. Today we’re talking about cultivating optimism, especially when bad things happen. For myself I am an optimist – it does not seem to be much use to be anything else.” ~ Winston Churchill Show Notes Are you an optimist? Do you look at each new experience as […]

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Published on November 26, 2014 03:10

November 19, 2014

How Fitness Saved Me from Depression and Suicide (Podcast #89 with Amy Clover)

Episode 89 comes to you from sunny but cool Andalucia, Spain. Today we’re talking about Today we’re talking to a woman who used exercise to manage her depression and bring her back from the brink of suicide. This is powerful stuff. “It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor.” […]

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Published on November 19, 2014 02:50

November 12, 2014

Podcast #88 – Learning to Stop Judging Others

Episode 88 comes to you from sunny Andalucia, Spain. Today we’re talking about a topic we all encounter: dealing with judgement, to and from, others. “The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti Show Notes We judge other people. There, we’ve admitted it to both you and to ourselves. It […]

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Published on November 12, 2014 04:35

November 5, 2014

Podcast #87 – Having a Conversation about Death

Episode 87 comes to you from sunny Andalucia, Spain. Today we’re talking about death and how acknowledging it will improve your life. The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~ Mark Twain Show Notes How do you talk with your partner […]

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Published on November 05, 2014 02:02

October 29, 2014

Podcast #86 – One of the scariest moments of our travels

Episode 86 comes to you from sunny Andalucia, Spain. Today we’re sharing one of the scariest moments in our travels and how it feels looking back now. Gather round the fire, my friend! After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” ~ Philip Pullman Show Notes For the last […]

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Published on October 29, 2014 03:37

October 22, 2014

Curating our Experiences (Podcast #85 with Joel Zaslofsky)

Episode 85 comes to you from sunny Andalucia, Spain. Today we’re talking about how to document the experiences of your life without keeping a journal. It’s ironic, how we often forget the things worth remembering, but remember the things worth forgetting” ~ Anonymous Show Notes In the moment we always believe we’ll remember the events from our life […]

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Published on October 22, 2014 01:57

October 15, 2014

Trying Something New: We’re Writing a Romance Novel (Podcast #84)

Episode 84 comes to you from our whitewashed village in Andalucia, Spain. Today we’re sharing why we chose to try something completely different and how you can get a free sneak peek of it! I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.” ~ Comedian […]

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Published on October 15, 2014 02:55