Lissy Bauer's Blog - Posts Tagged "motivation"

Why Losing Might Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You
How failure strips away illusions and shows us who we’re meant to become.

We all want to win.

Win at work. Win in love. Win at life.

But here’s the truth most people won’t say out loud:

You’re going to lose.
And believe it or not, that might be the best thing that ever happens to you.

Losing Hurts—But It Wakes You Up

That job title, that relationship, that dream you poured years into—when it’s gone, it stings.

But loss also brings clarity. In that moment, you stop performing and start asking real questions:

Who am I now? What actually matters to me? What do I want to build from here?

That’s not failure. That’s the beginning of becoming.

We’ve Been Lied To About Success

We’re taught that success is a straight line. That winners keep winning and losers stay stuck.

But here’s what’s actually true: every successful person has failed—publicly, painfully, and more than once.

They didn’t succeed because they avoided losing. They succeeded because they used their losses as fuel.

Losing isn’t a dead end. It’s a detour to something more aligned.

What If You’re Supposed to Fail?

It sounds radical. But failure can be a forced reset that teaches you more than any win ever could:

That rejection? It pushed you to stop settling. That breakup? It taught you how to set boundaries. That failed business? It showed you what really matters to you.

Failure isn’t just feedback. It’s the doorway to your next, truer chapter.

How to Turn Failure Into Fuel

Psychologist Carol Dweck calls it a growth mindset—the belief that your abilities can develop through effort and learning.

Start practicing it today:

Stop asking: “Why did this happen to me?” Start asking: “What is this trying to teach me?”

Loss doesn’t mean you have to bounce back. It means you get to build forward—with intention.

You Were Never Meant to Stay the Same

Losing breaks the illusion of control—but it also breaks the patterns that keep you stuck.

In the aftermath of loss, you have a rare window of clarity. Use it.

Journal. Reflect. Ask better questions. Strip away what no longer serves you.

Your old life may be gone. But your real life—the one that fits—might be just beginning.

Here’s the Truth:

Losing isn’t the opposite of winning. It’s part of the path.

And if you’re willing to lean into the discomfort, reflect with honesty, and rebuild with courage, you may find that what looked like failure was actually the turning point you needed.

Because it made you pay attention.
Because it pushed you to grow.
Because it showed you who you really are.

So the next time something falls apart, remember:

You’re not losing. You’re becoming.

This reflection was inspired by my book How to Lose: How Loss Can Pave the Way to True Success and Resilience, a science-backed, no-fluff guide to using loss as a launchpad for resilience and growth. If you’re navigating failure, rejection, or reinvention—it might be the conversation you didn’t know you needed.

Learn how to calm your thoughts, reduce anxiety, and finally feel mentally at peace.

Overthinking can feel like mental quicksand. The harder you try to find clarity, the more tangled your thoughts become. You replay conversations, question your decisions, and prepare for outcomes that may never happen. It’s exhausting — and worse, it convinces you that if you just keep thinking, you’ll find relief.

But thinking harder doesn’t bring peace. Knowing when to pause, and how, is what makes the difference.

Here are five practical, research-backed steps I’ve used (and taught) to help stop overthinking and build mental clarity. No hacks. Just real tools that work.

1. Notice When You’re Spiraling

The first step is to recognize the shift, when your thoughts go from helpful planning to endless rehashing.

Look for signs like:

Mentally replaying the same scenario multiple times Trying to predict or control the future Ruminating on things you said or didn’t say

Overthinking often masquerades as productivity. Learning to spot it is key.

2. Name the Thought… Out Loud

Once you notice the spiral, give your thought a name.

Try:

“This is the ‘I messed up’ story.” “This is the fear of being judged.” “This is the ‘what if I fail’ loop.”

Naming creates space between you and the thought. You are not your anxiety, you’re someone experiencing it. That distinction makes a huge difference.

3. Ground Yourself in the Present

Overthinking lives in the land of “what-ifs.” The fastest way to quiet it is to return to “what is.”

Try this 3-step grounding practice:

Feel your feet on the floor Take 3 slow, intentional breaths Find one thing you can see, hear, and touch

These tiny anchors pull you out of mental noise and into the moment.

4. Schedule Time to Worry

It sounds counterintuitive, but giving yourself permission to worry can reduce its grip.

Set a timer for 10–15 minutes a day. Let the thoughts come. Write them down if it helps. Then, when worry shows up outside that window, gently remind yourself: Not now, I’ll come back to this later.

Containment lowers the intensity.

5. Ask Better Questions

Overthinking keeps you in the question: What if something goes wrong?

Shift it to:

What do I need right now? What’s one small thing I can control? If this thought were a signal, what would it be pointing me toward?

Better questions don’t give you all the answers, they give you traction.

Peace doesn’t come from solving every thought.

It comes from learning how to relate to your thoughts differently, with more compassion, more clarity, and more courage to pause.

I’ve spent years trying to “think” my way out of worry, only to realize that some of our most persistent thoughts just need to be acknowledged, not solved.

Want to Go Deeper?

If this resonates, I share more about this shift in perspective and how to work with your worry instead of fighting it in my book THE WORRY CHAIR: Mastering the Art of Worrying. It’s a guide for anyone who’s ever felt trapped in their mind and is ready to find a more peaceful way forward.