Nimue Brown's Blog, page 47

Sacred spaces and singing

(Nimue)

For all that I’m a Pagan, I’m often attracted to churches and cathedrals. I find them powerful places because of the roles they have played in the lives of so many people. I respect the love, devotion, craft and determination that went into building them. I respect they way they function as community spaces and how much good they can do for people.

Recently I’ve had the pleasure of getting to sing at Mary de Crypt, in Gloucester. It’s an old church, and it turns out that it is on the site of a Roman temple. There’s a Roman well in the pub next door, and the Roman altar stones are currently at the local museum. So this has been a sacred place for a lot of different people for a very long time indeed. Given how the Romans tended to co-opt local deities, there’s every chance there was something on the site before they came to Gloucester.

Churches often have great acoustics for singing. They are places where a person can be without having to pay. An open church can be a place of warmth, shelter and comfort and many churches try hard to serve their communities in this way. Sometimes I find the best way of doing the Druidry is not to announce the Druidry but muck in with whoever is already doing the work. Christians have a lot of useful infrastructure, spaces and resources that Pagans do not, and I’m happy to cooperate with anyone who broadly shares my aims and values. It’s not the first time I’ve worked in Christian settings. There are some awesome vicars out there and there is much to admire in genuinely Jesus-centred Christianity.

It looks like singing in the church is going to be a regular thing for me, if we can pull all of this together. I want to make time and space where people can come along and sing without having to pay or make a substantial commitment. Both of these things can be serious barriers for people who are struggling. I want to sing my way round the wheel or the year, and share that with people. Community singing does a great deal of good, for mental and physical health, connection and community cohesion. Most of the places I’ve been able to offer that for free have been outside, which doesn’t work in the winter, or its the back rooms of pubs which are problematic in their own ways.

I’m hopeful about this opportunity to do something for free in an open and inclusive way.

Service and everyday Druidry

(Nimue)

The call to service as part of Druidry can seem like and intimidating thing. If you are already time-poor, already tired and struggling (as so many of us are) then how can you possibly add ‘service’ on top of that? It can seem like an idea that more properly belongs with anyone trying to take more of a priestly role.

However, there are many different ways of approaching this.

Anything we do to live lightly and sustainably is an act of service to the Earth. That includes your recycling. It can mean things like avoiding over-packaged goods and throwaway plastics. Cutting your food waste, composting your kitchen waste, avoiding microplastics, using more environmentally friendly cleaning products, keeping usable items out of landfill… all of this is service.

Any commitment you make to learning and growing is part of how you serve as a Druid. You may be laying down foundations for future service. The most important work to do right now might be the work you are doing in your own life that will give you more options in the future.

Looking after nature as it manifests in your own body is looking after nature. The things that are best for us are also best for the world as a whole, and this is good work to be doing.

If you give time to prayer, to ritual, or to any other form of honouring what is sacred to you, this is service to the divine. It doesn’t have to be showy or dramatic. If you practice gratitude then you’re honouring what’s around you which is part of the same thing.

If you are drawing inspiration from Druidry to inform your everyday life, then you are embodying that Druidry. You’re putting it into the world and living it in a meaningful way. This is also an act of service.

Everyday opportunities to practice kindness and compassion abound. We all get opportunities to act fairly, to speak up for justice, to bring wisdom and care into our lives. When we act thoughtfully and treat the people we encounter in line with our values, then that also counts.

Service is about making your Druidry real in a way that doesn’t only impact on you. When we’re thinking about how we impact on the world, and working to do that in the best possible ways we can, then we are making service part of what we do. Whether that’s working to ease tensions in our families or workplaces, or trying to lift and encourage others, there are many ways of expressing aspects of your Druidry in your everyday life. Small everyday gestures matter, and often have far more impact than occasional big gestures.

Book of the year

This is without a doubt the best, funniest and most unusual book awards blog post you are ever going to read. I’m not just saying that because I have a lot of books in it. Huge thanks to Mark for all of his kindness, support and encouragement.

Books of the year 2023 Edition

Playing the victim

(Nimue)

It’s an accusation that always worries me, and one I think we need to be wary of. It’s such an easy way to invalidate a person and so tempting when you find them difficult, but it’s seldom a fair assessment.

Bullies and abusers will often accuse their victims of playing the victim because that helps hide what’s really going on. It is also the case that bullies and abusers will often try to present themselves as  the victim and their victim as the bully. This is a massive minefield and not something to casually support. If you want to avoid supporting and enabling harm you have to look at these situations carefully.  My advice is to look for the balance of power and to work for safety rather than punishment.

I’ve seen plenty of privileged new age types accuse others of playing the victim by refusing to heal. Not being positive enough in face of cancer, not curing MS with yoga and so forth. This is incredibly cruel. Depressed people cannot heal themselves with positive thinking, either. If it was that simple, we’d just do it. Accusing other people of playing the victim can be a manifestation of privilege. Don’t go along with it.

Accusations of playing the victim often go alongside accusations of being dramatic and attention seeking. You never know what’s going on in a person’s life and if they’re howling over something apparently minor because something major you don’t know about is tearing them apart. The need for attention is a very human thing and some of us learn some really unhelpful ways of seeking it, but that doesn’t necessarily make them awful people. Internet trolls are often lonely, hurting and desperate to be noticed, as a case in point. Drama can be a manifestation of distress and unmet need.

At the same time, we are all allowed to have boundaries. It’s ok to quietly step back from something you can’t deal with. Some people need professional support – or at least more experienced and better resourced support. If you can’t do that for them, it’s ok to step back. If dealing with someone is harmful to you, then it is not on you to rescue them. We can hold those lines gently and quietly, without having to knock down the person we find difficult.

If you are inclined to draw attention to how difficult someone else is, what a drama llama they are etc, then consider that you might be doing similar things. Pointing at someone else and making a lot of noise about them playing the victim is also attention seeking and validation seeking, and it’s worth looking carefully at your own feelings and needs if you feel inclined to behave that way. It can come from places of needing to feel superior. Once we start doing martyrdom as a public performance in response to someone else, we’re also potentially inviting the label of playing the victim.

There are people who will cast themselves in the victim role as a manipulation technique. They can be understated about it and may not put it where most people can even see it. It can be a way of dodging responsibility or making someone else carry more than their fair share of emotional labour. It can be a way of shutting someone down to stop them expressing their own needs. If you respond to anything even slightly negative like you’re being attacked, it’s a form of gaslighting that will harm those dealing with you. Acting like a victim any time you make a mistake and get called on it, is a really harmful choice. It’s one we all need to be alert to if being called out around privilege and inadvertent bigotry.

There are many reasons for people behaving in ways that appear to be ‘playing the victim’. Including genuinely being a victim and being in need of care and support. Its best not to be quick to judge, blame, or shame. Patience and compassion get a lot done. If someone is acting in a way that harms you, then moving away for your own wellbeing can be necessary. If you’re just annoyed and feel entitled to cause someone hurt or shame, that really isn’t a good choice.

Whispers of the Soul

(Nimue, review)

Whispers of the soul is a new poetry collection from Despoina Kemeridou. I reviewed the previous one over here.

It’s lovely watching her grow as a person and as a poet. Like the first collection, there are a lot of poems that centre on grief and loss. There is love that borders on obsession and worship. Alongside this, we find a poet who is increasingly alert to what readers might need from her work, and what kinds of signposts to offer others on their own journeys. In these poems I saw growth, soulfulness, emotional intensity and moments of insight. There were a few lines that made me pause for breath.

As a collection, Whispers of the soul explores the tension between hope and grief, and the challenges of coming into your own power.

Out now and available from Amazon – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Whispers-Soul-Collection-Despoina-Kemeridou-ebook/dp/B0CHR2J21H

A home for the Godds

(Nimue)

I’ve made a physical home for a powerful, transformative spirit. I invited this spirit to live in the home that I made for it, and to work with me. Generously, this spirit has helped to heal and nourish my body. It’s an experience that has had me wondering about how we invite Godds into physical forms.

The spirit in my home is yeast, a mighty being that has transformed human life and without which we probably wouldn’t have settled civilization as we know it. Whether you are brewing or baking, if you work with wild yeast as most of our ancestors did, you have to make a place for the yeast to live. You have to feed it and take care of it, and if you do, it will take care of you in return. 

Every time I work with my sourdough starter, I think about the ways in which humans from different cultures make representations of deities for the deities to inhabit. And I wonder if we learned to do that from the wild godds of fermentation who very much need us to make homes for them if they are to work with us. I wonder what it must have been like for people in the past who worked with yeast without knowing what it was exactly – this magical entity that will take your grain and help you turn it into bread, or take other things and turn them into alcohol. The more I learn about yeast, the more wonder and awe it inspires in me.

(Godds as a term is something I picked up from Irisanya Moon and I really like it as a more gender-inclusive term.)

Skulls, sheets and good causes

(Nimue)

I’ve followed Skulls and Sheets on Twitter, Bluesky and Instagram for some time now. She’s a lovely artist – I’ve met her in person. She specialises in Mari Lwyds – horse skulls dressed in sheets, usually decked with ribbons. They’re from Welsh folk tradition and go to pubs for seasonal rap battles (approximately).

At this time of year, Skulls and Sheets runs an art auction on ebay, raising money for assorted charities associated with domestic abuse. I’m a domestic abuse survivor so this is a cause that I deeply care about. In the UK on average three women a week are killed by their partners, and most countries have similar figures (or worse). While the abuse of men by women is certainly also a thing, it results in nothing remotely like the same death toll.

You can find the auction over here, and if you click on any given card, you can see who the artist was and where the money is going. https://www.ebay.co.uk/usr/skullsnsheets

My contribution is over here – https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/155884248037?hash=item244b6cdbe5:g:veoAAOSws5llUN92 and I’m waiting nervously to see if anyone bids on it. I’ve really pushed myself this year on the art side, both to do more of it and to try and take myself more seriously, so this is a bit of a test.

Recently I had the wonderful experience of getting to write a story in response to one of Skulls and Sheets’ images, and you can find that over here –

In the winter mist

Learning to trust my emotions

(Nimue)

One of the big realisations for me this year is that I need to work on trusting my own feelings. I’m all too good at using my brain to suppress how I feel, to doubt myself, second guess everything and invalidate my own responses. I know how I got here and I think it’s a story other people may find useful.

I’ve always been hypermobile. One of the effects of this is that my body is easily hurt, and that I feel a lot of pain. It’s not obvious from the outside and when I was a kid this condition wasn’t particularly recognised or taken seriously. I grew up thinking I had a normal body, and being told that I made a huge fuss, had a low pain threshold, wasn’t trying hard enough with sports and should not have been struggling with the things I found hard. I got this from a lot of adults, so I took it onboard. It’s set me up to mistrust myself and to assume my reactions are excessive.

Alongside this, I was a sensitive child and felt things keenly. That wasn’t always welcomed or understood. This is who I am, though, and trying to be someone who doesn’t feel as much doesn’t work for me. I have always needed for it to be ok to be who and how I am.

On top of this has been piled a great deal of gaslighting. I’ve been through a lot of rounds of having my feelings invalidated and treated as ridiculous. I’ve had a hard time resisting that because of my history.

What I know at this point is the things I thought I needed, were really the things I needed. The things I wanted are possible, and wonderfully good for me. When I have what I want and need, I can be much more well and functional. My instincts were right about so much of this. When my feelings are treated as valid, I can tackle and solve what problems I encounter.

Changing how I think about my feelings isn’t easy. I have a whole lifetime of experience to deal with here. I’m having to think carefully about my own feelings when they come up, and remind myself that my feelings are valid and reasonable. I’m asking for support and validation around this, which is helping too. I’m not going with my knee-jerk brain responses of shutting down my feelings – I’m trying to make space to feel what I’m feeling rather than instantly assuming it’s going to be wrong or problematic. I’m talking about what emerges from those feelings.

It’s really helpful that at this point if I express feelings or needs, those are met with care and understanding. I would not have been able to explore this without that support, it was previously unthinkable territory. Being actively invited to share my feelings and speak my needs has really helped me get to this point. Being reassured that what I feel makes sense and is important helps too. I think one moral of this story is to trust the people who take you seriously and who respond kindly to your feelings. If you aren’t sure of yourself, trust the people who make you feel better, not the people who make you feel like your emotions are intrinsically wrong.

Crafting for your mental health

(Nimue)

Creativity is very much part of the Druid path. You can bring inspiration to anything you do. Crafting has a lot to offer in many different ways. It can often be a green choice, especially if there is a re-use or upcycling element to what you do. Crafting can help keep things out of landfill and reduce your need for things made in less sustainable ways. It’s easy to make this a low-carbon, sustainable activity that you can feel good about doing.

The rhythms of crafting can be really soothing. Doing something repetitive can calm you. Simple, repetitive things can be good distractions if you feel overwhelmed or don’t have much brain power. If you need more distraction and engagement you can pick something more complex to do.

Working with soft, warm things, comforting colours, pleasing textures etc is a good way of comforting yourself. I like making blankets for this reason. Making things that will comfort you after they’re finished is also good – quilts, socks, scarves, decorations, or other practical things that you need. Taking a household item and making it pretty can provide comfort beyond the crafting process too.

Making things is reassuring. It’s a way of reminding yourself of your own power and ability to change things. Making something pretty or useful is a small way of changing the world for the better. Mental illness can often make you feel powerless and useless, craft can help you overcome that.

It’s good to do things just for the joy of it. Making something for yourself because you want to is a wonderful act of self care. It’s time spent doing something that isn’t focused on money, or being useful to other people. Although if you enjoy making gifts for other people, that’s good too. The important thing is to be creative in a way that makes you happy.

You don’t have to be good. You don’t have to be creating things that you could sell. It’s really important to give yourself permission to do things that appeal to you, and not to be instantly brilliant at it. If you are going to be brilliant, it will be through learning and doing. The pressure to be instantly able to do things is the enemy of joy, and cuts too many of us off from having fun. Play with things, explore, take risks and don’t worry about what happens. Enjoy the experience. This can be a really restorative thing to do, and if you can learn how to cheerfully make a mess, that can be a great antidote to stress and anxiety.

Bringing wildness into your life

(Nimue)

How can you bring more wildness into your life? This is a good question to ask when you’re looking for ways to bring Druidry into your everyday life in a way that will be enriching.

Do you have any space where you can invite wildness? If you have outside space, then making room for the wild things isn’t too difficult. Often what you need to do is less rather than more. Leaving some space for wild plants to take over is really effective. Bug hotels, bird boxes, feeders and the like can help wild beings thrive. A small, unmown section of lawn creates a habitat for insects. Planting flowers that support bees and butterflies will invite them in. If you can plant a tree, or a native shrub, you will create a home for many other beings.

Learning about what might work where you are is a good area of study to support your Druidry and helps you build a relationship with the land you live on.

This is a very individual process, depending on your resources and the environment you live in, but it is often possible to do something. If you’re in a limited situation and struggling for ideas, feel free to get in the comments and I’ll see if I can suggest anything.

By making more room for wildness, you serve the natural world and do something to help your local ecosystem. You will also increase the wildness you encounter daily, and that’s really rewarding and contributes to your spiritual experiences.

Back in the summer I put out some window boxes – I have no real outside space. I’ve been growing herbs and strawberries, and the pots quickly attracted insects. The insects attracted small birds, so I’ve put out a couple of feeders and I’m now seeing small birds on those feeders most days. It’s a beautiful and heartening thing. Sitting near the window and watching blue tits and great tits feed is soothing and uplifting. I’ve enjoyed the plants for their own sake as well and my tiny harvests have been rewarding.