Nimue Brown's Blog, page 2

Contemplating Projection

(spoken by Nimue, scribed by James)

As far as I know, the idea of projection begins with Freud. For him, it was something a client might do relating to their therapist. By understanding that process the therapist could then gain insight into the client’s issues. These days, it’s more widely understood as something people do around problem parts of themselves. We tend to think of people projecting aspects of themselves that they don’t like, by unfairly thinking that really some other person is expressing those qualities.

I think in practice projection is something all of us do most of the time. Our best guide for making sense of other people is ourself, so we draw on how we are and what we would do to interpret the meaning of other people’s words and actions. By this means, an angry person might assume other people are also angry. A person who lies is more likely to think other people are dishonest.

I suspect that if you are a kind and well meaning sort of person, you’ll also project that onto your dealings with others. Well meaning people may be more likely to assume the best and think mistakes are innocent. This means that a kinder person may be more vulnerable to liars and cheats. If you aren’t looking for malice, and give the benefit of the doubt, that makes you easier to mislead.

On reflection, I’d rather be wrong on these terms. I’d rather judge others kindly, not harshly. I tend to assume regular human crapness, not deliberate unkindness. I also try not to assume that everyone else’s experiences align with mine, and to avoid assumptions that things mean the same to others as they do to me. We’re all different, and that’s really important. Just because something is easy or comfortable for me doesn’t mean that will be true for everyone, for example.

Who were the Druids?

(Nimue made, James written)

Complex religions tend to go with politics and complex social structures. For most of human history, politics and religion have not been that separate. We can think of ancient Egypt with their temples cities, politics, priesthood, and massively complicated cosmology as a case in point here. The more complicated a religion gets, the more infrastructure it needs to support it.

The Romans had all of that, and most of what we know about the ancient druids comes from the Romans. It would be fair to say that the Romans are not a wholly reliable source(Ronald Hutton has a lot to say about this). No doubt, the Romans saw everyone else through the filter of their own culture. On top of that, it was probably politically useful to them to represent the druids as organised and a threat. That tells us more about the romans than the druids.

Iron age archaeology does not give us palaces or complex temples. Evidence of Celtic religion is vague and hard to make sense of. There are stories that come down to us from older oral traditions. There are shrines with named deities. On the whole, when you think about the Celtic end of Europe, there’s nothing that looks that organised, or that suggests much infrastructure. It is tempting to therefore imagine that the ancient druids did not exist as a massive well organised priesthood.

Of course, part of why this is tempting is that modern druids also look nothing like a well organised priesthood! There’s some pleasure in imagining that we might be authentically recreating the well meaning chaos of our spiritual ancestors. Perhaps ancient Druidry wasn’t one coherent thing, just as modern Druidry is varied. I rather like this idea. For me, it chimes with Druidry as a spiritual practice that is more about place and living community rather than some kind of authority or governing body.

We know so little about the ancient druids that there is scope to interpret them in many different ways. The stories we tell shape who we think we are and where we might be going. In the lack of certainty, there’s a lot to be said for picking a good story that you find helpful.

Nature and Politics

(created by Nimue, transcribed by James)

Politicians from the right and the left share some problematic habits when it comes to the natural world. Here in the UK, there’s currently a suggestion of reducing protection for bats and newts in order to make life easier for developers. It sets up the needs of nature and the needs of people as though these are at odds. This is simply not true. Homeless children are not better helped if we destroy habitats for newts. House prices will not fall if bats have nowhere to live.

Humans need the same things that other creatures need. We need clean air and water. We depend on plants for oxygen. We need green spaces for the microbes and for mental health. We do not thrive in nature depleted environments. All of the evidence is clear that good human habitats require healthy ecosystems. It’s not a choice between us or the newts. We all thrive or no-one does.

The people who benefit from cutting environmental protection are few in number. A tiny minority profits from destroying human life and the natural world. Life on earth is suffering so that a very few can have far more than they need. There is no conflict between the needs of nature and the needs of humans. The conflict is between ecocidal greed and existence. We need to stop accepting the political framing of nature as something we can afford to do without. Healthy ecosystems are not a luxury. They are the basis of life. We have more in common with the newts and the bats than we do with the billionaires.

Magical Thinking

(caveat goes here, Bryn’s thoughts, James typing)

The human brain takes in far more information than it can consciously process. Quite a lot of our thinking happens at an unconscious level. Thus, what we experience as intuition or inspiration might well be unconscious bits of our brain processing that extra information. Either way, it’s remarkable stuff. The ability of our brains to make those magical pinging noises and somehow come up with things is pretty wild whether you want to frame it in terms of magic or science. I like both.

I think we make our best judgements when we draw on all the resources. It’s good to think rationally, weighing things up consciously. It’s important to pay attention to gut feelings, and instinctive responses. These are all good and valid sources of information. We can get into trouble if we let the magical thinking take charge when it does not align at all with more rational sources of information. This can lead us into fantasy, ego trips and delusion.

Pagans with our magical worldviews can be more vulnerable to pressure to do magical thinking. Empathy is obviously a good thing, but when it’s a consequence of protective hypervigilance it can be a sign that things are very wrong. If you are required to magically know things(and you’re not doing paid divination) that’s often a sign of bullying. When needful information is withheld, that’s really controlling. Using intuition is good, being forced to magically know things is nightmarish. If it doesn’t feel sane and healthy, then trust those feelings that the situation isn’t ok. Don’t be persuaded that being a bit magical means you have to be magically responsible for things that are beyond your reach.

Visiting Sacred Sites

(Nimue spoken, James written)

Yesterday, Keith and I visited the Rollright stones. This was his first visit to the site, and I had not been there for many years. Keith comes to this from an interest in history and a cheerful willingness to help me do things that I find meaningful. He asks good questions about what I want to do and why, which makes sharing sacred space with him reliably interesting for both of us.

My preference when visiting an ancient site is to start by walking round the outside. Obviously this isn’t always possible. Last time I visited Rollright, parts of the edge of the circle were so close to the fence that outside the circle was not walkable. Since I was last there, the space has been opened up so it was finally possible to walk round the outside of the stones. That was a lovely thing to be able to do. I followed through by walking round the inside of the circle, taking more time to touch the stones. Standing stones are large enough that I can see them, but I miss a lot of detail. I’m finding that touch is important for feeling connected and present. With the sun on me, the stones were warm and welcoming.

I don’t do much in the way of formal ritual. I find that the simple act of moving through a space helps me connect with it. For me, this is the best way of experiencing any place or connecting with spirits in the landscape. Moving slowly, paying attention, and being present invites connection.

Finally, we went into the centre of the circle. Before getting to the stones, I had wondered about making a prayer of petition. I’m facing a lot of challenges, and am trying to get better at asking for help. However, in the process of walking the circle, I experienced a strong sense of reassurance and support. There was nothing I needed to ask for. Coming to the centre of the circle, I chose instead to focus on gratitude. I left the circle with Keith, conscious of the many ways in which my life is blessed. Sometimes magic is quite an understated thing. Perhaps the best magic isn’t very dramatic at all.

Biology and Mental Health

(narrated by Nimue, journaled by James)

I’ve been seeing a therapist for about a month now, and this is going well for me. One of the things we’re doing is approaching my panic primarily as a biological issue. I’m finding this tremendously helpful and thought it would be worth sharing. We’re looking at interventions that reduce panic in physical ways. I expect there will be other things down the line.

Things I’ve tried in the past – with and without professional help – have all started with the idea of fixing my wonky thoughts and feelings. This has never worked. I now realise why. The underpinning reason for my panic is years of having my thoughts and feelings invalidated. A cure that just reinforces the idea that my thoughts and feelings are invalid has perhaps unsurprisingly failed to solve the underlying problem. I need to start from where I am. I’m coming to recognise that I was never what needed changing. Tackling the physical impact of panic is making more room for the thoughts and feelings I need to have. I’m finding it validating rather than oppressive.

Treating mental health as biology removes the sense of failure and shame. Instead of feeling like I have to fix wonky thoughts, I’m being given a new story. In this take, my body is doing the things it is designed to do to try and keep my alive. The sheer amount of trauma I’ve suffered is why that system is now hypervigilant and hair trigger, so I’m working on calming my body down rather than trying to change my thinking. It feels like a situation, not like error on my part. This brings it into line more with treating any other physical condition. There’s no moral judgement in needing insulin as my body can’t make enough on its own/ There’s no shame in trying to soothe a damaged nervous system.

Taking out the sense that my poor mental health is down to personal failure really helps. I’m getting tools I can use and better insight. There’s a lot of work to do, but we start by soothing the panicked mammal. I understand now why so much advice, CBT, and self help material wasn’t working. You can’t positive attitude your way out of a problem with your biology. Having the right help relevant to the problem is really key. I’m hardly alone in having got to panic through gaslighting and emotional abuse. You can’t fix that by telling someone that their thoughts are the problem. What kind of healing strategy you need clearly depends on how your mental health was undermined in the first place. So, if like me, you’ve found things didn’t work for you, please consider they may have been the wrong tools for the job.

Druidry and Microbes

(spoken by Nimue, scribed by James)

I’ve been thinking about microbes a lot recently. I’ve come to the conclusion that they ahve a lot of relevance for mdoern druids.

Microbes connect us to our ancestors. Our first microbes come to us during birth, and we pick up a lot of them from our families. Microbes have a long history of cooperating with humans so that connection is part of our relationship with deep history and our evolution.

We get many of our microbes from our food. This means that what we eat becomes part of us. It’s also the case that our food choices inform which microbes thrive inside us and which do not. Fibrous plant matter is your best bet for encouraging the more benevolent microbes.

Microbes live in our homes. If your home features plants, creatures, or bits of the natural world that you’ve brought indoors that will give you a more supportive environment in terms of the microbes living with you. If you use cleaning products that are harsh and environmentally damaging you are likely to share your home with more aggressive microbes. There’s an irony here. When we try to kill all the bacteria we’re most likely to hurt the harmless ones. When surfaces around us are largely inhabited bythe sorts of microbes that live on plants and in the soil, they crowd out the pathogens. This is why hospitals can be breeding grounds for really dangerous infections.

Any outdoors druidry we do is also an act of communing with microbes. Every walk and ritual, every outdoors meditation, every interaction with the landscape and the soil brings microbes to us. The more microbes we encounter the healthier we are, generally. The best places to find microbes conducive to human health is in the wild.

There’s a horrible irony here too. Human constructed environments are really bad for humans. Our urban spaces do not serve us at all. For this and so many other reasons, we could really do with rethinking things.

Journeying in the Irish Otherworld

(David)

This July was the first month in what I think will probably be my half-a-year of journeying in the Irish Otherworld and recording each experience in my private journal. It’s started well.

In this month I’ve journeyed to different places and met various beings, including a stunning experience with The Morrigan in the Cave of Cats when my normally healthy self-confidence deserted me completely for the duration of our meeting. I’ve also had encounters on two different occasions with members of the Sidhe, during which Manannan mac Lir guided me and I think protected me by allowing his presence to influence their behaviour towards me.

My 30+ years of pagan connection with Nature, in this world and in the Otherworld, is deeper than ever now. One of my journeys in July took me from my grove of apple trees behind my house, out front to our valley in the Otherworld, where it is the tidal inlet it used to be before people “reclaimed” the valley from the sea in the everyday world and ran an arterial road through the bottom of it, down below where our house stands. During this journey my Gods, Guides, and Guardians made me aware that Friend, my boat in the Otherworld who is a gift from Manannan, will come to collect me when I’ve died in this body and will take me to Ireland in the Otherworld, to spend time there with The Morrigan before my next life begins. This fills me with quiet joy.

Seeking Courage

(narrated by Nimue, journaled by James)

This year has had me thinking a lot about how to cultivate courage as a virtue. A number of things have helped me with this, and I thought I’d share some of them.

One is a song by Villagers called Courage. I recommend looking it up. I first heard this back in the spring when I was mostly just lying in bed being ill. It struck me and continues to feel relevant. The song makes three points that seemed important to me. Courage as harmony with something beyond the ego, the idea of knowing that nothing comes for free, and the idea of it depending on making mistakes. These are all interesting to contemplate. When it comes to mistakes, it’s a circular relationship. It takes courage to give yourself permission to mess up. At the same time, what we learn when we mess up might help us develop courage. I think that works for me, and would be interested to know how others relate to the idea.

From Robin Ince, I learned the idea of confident vulnerability. This is a wonderful notion about being unashamedly yourself and being able to express the more complicated bits. I have a lot to work on, but this feels like something to aspire to. Not trying to be what other people want but trying to be honestly and openly myself is intimidating. Still, I think this is well worth stepping up to.

A major inspiration for me has been watching my partner Keith deal with things. His willingness to step up to challenges, face problems and make changes gives me a model of courage that I aspire to. I know that what he does is driven by care above all else. I can see that as a way to root courage in my own life, and a way to find strength and motivation.

I’ve tried where I can to put a brave face on things. I’ve also tried to do that vulnerability thing and not fight the more difficult feelings. I’m trying to go through this experience as a whole and present person, not a broken or absent one, and I’m starting to think that might be what courage means.

Planning for the Future

(Spoken by Nimue, Scribed by James)

At the moment, planning for the future is really difficult. There is no knowing how my vision will work after the next operation. I’m currently waiting to get to that point so that I can figure out what to do. However, not being able to read or write has left me in a weird limbo state, and feeling a bit lost, so I decided to just go ahead and plan anyway.

I’ve promised myself that by some means or another, I will be able to get back to writing. If my eyesight isn’t up to the job, I’ll have to learn how to work by other means. That in turn would involve learning how to think and create in a totally new way. One way or another, I shall write more books.

In the meantime, I am thinking about this strange time as a chance to incubate. My intention is to get back to writing poetry and I’m going to have a lot to draw on. I’ve learned a lot, and have a lot to say that may be better expressed as poetry rather than prose.

I’ve also decided to treat this time as a research period. I’m spending a lot of time with non-fiction audio books. I’m not currently researching specific details, but absorbing a lot with a view to finding a story for later. It’s like laying down mulch ahead of growing a crop. Hopefully. I have worked this way before, although not in a long time. Learning for the sake of it and letting the story flow from there is effective for me, and likely to take me in new directions.

Currently, I’m spending a lot of time with microbes, one way or another.