Chris Dee's Blog: Chris Dee's Cat-Tales Blog, page 20

Merry Christmas

From this manor to yours, Happy Holidays

A Catitat Christmas

Selina’s ocelot Nirvana waiting for Santa

Anyone who reads Cat-Tales knows that the Catitat is Selina’s Big Cat Sanctuary, created and supported for years by Catwoman’s felonious activities…

Anyone who reads this blog knows that we’ve seen Halloween at the Catitat and Thanksgiving at the Catitat, so they’ve probably been expecting this  It is the next logical step in the progression…

Anyone who has cats knows that nothing says Christmas like DESTROYING THE BIG SPARKLY NEW THING!

As usual, the real life Big Cats footage is from the Big Cat Rescue in Tampa, Florida.  They’re good people, and their gift shop has Sponsor a Cat packages that would make more creative last minute Christmas Gifts than a Starbucks gift card, y’know what I mean?

Confessions of a Fake Nerd

Hello.  My Name is Chris.  I am a Fake Nerd.

For the benefit of newcomers, at some point over the summer, some squeaky wheel in comics started picking on fangirls cosplaying at conventions, saying they didn’t know enough about the fandom, the medium, the characters they dressed up as… or something like that.  They were “fake nerds.”  (I think there was also something about seducing virgins with their above-average but not exceptional tits, but to be honest, I haven’t bothered to delve into this whole thing.)

Point is, I believed myself to be a real nerd for quite some time because puberty came and went and I still liked comic books.  Also Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, because duh, I am alive on the planet, but also Babylon 5 which I thought was far enough out of the mainstream to count.  It’s true I still can’t spell Joe Straczynski without running to Internet Movie Database–but I do know that the J in J. Michael Straczynski stands for Joe, and I know that because that’s we called him on GEnie.  Let me say that again.  That’s what we called him on GEnie, the pre-world wide web online service run by General Electric and the reason B5 was located at Grid Epsilon 470/18/22 because that’s where the science fiction roundtable was located.  And I don’t know that from Wikipedia; I know that because I was a lurker on that forum—which had the ugliest goddamn text interface you ever saw, but none of us cared because even if graphics were an option, you wouldn’t want them on a 300 baud modem!

Again, point is, I honestly thought I was a real nerd.  I mean Cat-Tales alone:  60+ stories, over a million words, written over more than 10 years.  That’s like Russian novel territory for page length and a chunk of a writer’s time… about Batman.  That’s without getting into the Wayne Family History I came up with, the virtual Gotham and cgi avatars used to make video—not even for Cat-Tales per se, but for our little Dark Knight Rises ARG-viral-celebration-thingy at the Gotham After Dark collection of websites.

I was even going to make up the Twelve Steps for Fake Nerd Girls.

We admit we don’t know who invented Harley Quinn, or if we kinda think it might have been Paul Dini, we don’t think that knowledge enhances cosplay.
Came to believe our right to express ourselves was just as valid as anyone else’s and carelessly did so without regard to the trauma it might inflict on virgin fanboys in the vicinity.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our personal appearance and vowed only to dress in costumes we have the figure for.
Made a decision to confine our future expressions of enjoyment to those approved of by the franchise owners and corresponding to the personal taste and aesthetic of their paid employees.

And that’s when I realized I am an incredibly FAKE NERD!

Because it occurs to me that one mark of the real nerd is not caring what anybody thinks, and we’ve all been talking about this crap way too much if we honestly don’t give a damn.

Consider: Catwoman.  As far as I’m concerned – Purple.  High heels. 38DD.  If you have a problem with that, I. Don’t. Care.  If I had a problem with your having a problem, I would not be doing it right.

Finding it necessary to “So there” what some guy wrote on his Facebook wall, whether he has professional credentials or not, is frankly a little fake-nerdish, isn’t it?   I mean, I went to see one of the original posts that started one of these brush fires and it had all of 48 views.  Including me and the outraged blogger who linked it. I went back the next day and it was up to a whopping 60.   Was this old crank mouthing off to a couple dozen of his old crank friends really worth getting worked up over?

I mean, I had fun that day, but that’s the communal nature of a fandom.  We can find ways to do that, find ways to have fun together, without validating some emo-troll-malcontent’s blatant cry for attention.  When a child throws a tantrum in a supermarket, you ignore it.  When somebody who clearly has issues that are completely unrelated to you tries to use you as a punching bag to vent his or her frustration, you don’t want to be rewarding that behavior by responding to it.  Only reality TV rewards bad behavior with screen time, and those who get their ideas of how to behave from that model need to be shown that that’s not how it works in the real world, or even – if we can get our collective act together – on the internet.

That’s it.  That’s all I’ve got.  I’m Chris Dee, and I am a fake nerd no more.

Wayne Rises 7: Trap

Cat-Tales readers know I’m a huge Aaron Sorkin fan.  So much so that I named one of the tales for an episode of Sports Night called “Napoleon’s Plan” and included a significant homage.  But here’s the thing, what SN anchor Casey McCall describes as Napoleon’s plan: “First we show up, then we see what happens,”  that’s really not Batman’s style.

Waiting, reacting, it’s not his way and he doesn’t like it.  At this point in Wayne Rises, there is only one Wayne Foundation fundraising gala left, and the cat burglar is still free.  It’s time to get proactive.  And so…

Wayne Rises – Chapter 7: Trap.

Decorating Gotham

The decorations are just going up in the Cat-Tales Virtual Visitor Center.  A few photos posted to whet everyone’s appetite.  This Gotham is due for a refurbishment in 2013, so this is the last year it will be looking this way.

It isn’t Christmas in Gotham until the tree goes up in Wayne Plaza in front of the Wayne Tower

A much smaller tree at the Cat-Tales Visitor Center itself. Do we really need a second tree? Probably not, but it pisses off Poison Ivy, so why not.

Selina’s favorite, the big bow on Cartier

You can visit the Cat-Tales Virtual Visitor Center and learn more about Chris Dee’s Cat-Tales in Second Life.

 

 

Not so much with the Darker than Darkest Darkness

This has nothing to do with Batman or Cat-tales, except possibly as a reminder that there are other angles to see a storyverse beyond the Dark Darkiness of Darkest Dark…

Selina’s Voice

So yesterday I released the latest chapter of Wayne Rises.  It is one of those occasional Cat-Tales episodes that is shown entirely from Selina’s point of view—which brought a very gratifying compliment.  A reader messaged me saying how unique Selina’s first person voice is, compared to the noirish voiceover that is a staple of comic books, graphic novels, and “slum-dweller P.I.” fiction.

It started me thinking, because I agreed that the bulk of those comic narration boxes are very much the voice of the old film noir private eyes, and I agreed that Selina’s voice is nothing  at all like either.  But I really didn’t know why, and this person had paid me quite  compliment, so I wanted to know why.  And so, catlike, I started pawing the ball of yarn:

It is certainly one of the ironies of modern comics that those who are most opinionated about old school, costumed theme-rogues being  outdated relics are the most prolific with the dustiest, most overdone, moth-eaten, formulaic cliché of all: the noir voiceover.  That cynical self-deprecating monologue of the loner-loser whining about what a crappy life he has with just enough snide in his tone that we’re not supposed to realize it’s such an unmanly activity as whining.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Bogey.  I love his Sam Spade, Fred McMurray’s Walter Neff, and William Holden’s Joe Gillis.  But that was about 12 Presidents ago.  It’s been done.  A lot.  And frankly…

(I’m about to fulfill the worst fears of the most terrified macho men in comics by daring to posit that they can learn something from females. This is girly wisdom, fellas.  If you’re man enough to hear it… )

…there is a reason that bridesmaid dresses suck.  To make the bride look prettier standing next to her salmon-and-fuschia-taffeta-ruffled attendants.

You hear what I’m saying, fellas?  None of you are Dashiell Hammett.  None of you are John Huston or Billy Wilder.  And absolutely none of you are Bogey.  You’re really don’t want to be standing next to them quite so often.  You really don’t want to be standing next to them every bloody chance you get.

But back to Cat-Tales .  One of the big differences with Selina’s voice is that it’s not self-deprecating.  This is not a self-loathing loser disappointed in her life, who has thrown in the towel on even trying to enjoy it or take pleasure from her world.  On the contrary, she revels in her world—as the reader presumably wants to, or why else would you decide to read this thing?

And that’s when I saw it.  She’s Edith Wharton…

The narration of those ‘peaches and cream’ novels of manners is as unique, once you know it, as is the hardboiled P.I.  It’s an insider whispering in our ear as we enter the ball room—whispering all the secrets of this strange new world, knowing but not cynical—letting us in on the gossip, because that is the fun of these parties, after all.

Jonesing for a real Catwoman?

Hey, remember when Catwoman had an actual connection to cats, a cat theme, if you will, that was a defining element of the character and not something to try to run away from or gloss over by making the something else kinda-sorta look like cat ears?

If so, enjoy this pinboard of loot that is truly Cat-worthy.

Catwoman Rises Loot Pinboard

Wayne Rises 6: Discreet

This is Discreet…

 

Gotham’s latest uber-trendy eatery.  Also the title of the new chapter where Gregorian Falstaff has made his move against the Wayne Foundation, and tensions between Bruce and Selina are running at an all-time high.

Oh yeah, dinner at this pretentious trough is sure to help.

Leatherbound: A King’s Gambit

Cat-Tales old-timers will remember MyklarCure who penned the Justice League spinoff JLAin’t. He collaborated on Red Cape, Big City and Casefile 00000-001, and is an all-around “friend of the show” as Stephen Colbert says. Myk hasn’t been a visible presence around the CTU for a number of years – for the very best of reasons. He went back to school, studying computer animation, and has amassed quite the little collection of screen credits in the short time since he graduated. He’s now got an indy movie of his own that he is involved with.

Leatherbound: A King’s Gambit has a Kickstarter Page right here, and I am asking anyone who has enjoyed Myk’s work to head on over and watch the video. If you like what you see and are able to pledge a few dollars, great. If not, you can help by spreading the word. “Share on your social networks” as they say. Like it, tweet it, +1 or stumble it. Whatever you do.

If you like Cat-Tales, you like a good story. And if you know Myk, you know anything he attaches his name to will be a good story.

Leatherbound also has a Facebook page. Like it early, like it often.