Matador Network's Blog, page 2315

Mother Russia is super gay [vid]

Just in time for the Olympics.

Q&A with MatadorU alum Andrea Rees

Photos: Andrea Rees

Not too long ago, we asked our MatadorU students and alumni about their accomplishments in 2013. I was really impressed to hear about Andrea Rees’s success with her new project, The heART of a Woman. In a nutshell:

[The heART of a Woman is] an initiative to educate and empower women in developing communities in mobile photography to have a voice and small business through the sales of photographic art products.

In 2013, Andrea traveled to eKhaya eKasi, an art and education center in the Cape Town Township, to kickstart the program. She ran workshops with the goal of empowering women to create a sustainable income for themselves through a creative outlet.

I caught up with Andrea to learn more about her work.

* * *

CW: Tell us a little about yourself.

AR: I am a professional photographer and entrepreneur of 10+ years in Toronto, Canada, a mom of two boys, wife, avid iPhone photographer, and traveller.

What inspired you to start “The heART of a Woman”?

In May 2013, Bruce Poon Tip of G Adventures and the Planeterra Foundation created the G Project and made an open call for ideas to make the world a better place. I had been formulating ideas of how I could help eKhaya eKasi since my visit there, but it wasn’t until the G Project that I put pen to paper and came up with The heART of a Woman Project. Although my idea didn’t make it to the next level of the competition, it received great support. I feel it was a success because it allowed me to bring the idea public and gain feedback. There were 350 ideas and I finished 20th overall. The top 16 advanced to the next round.

Why did you pick South Africa?

In December 2012, I visited 3 projects in Khayelitsha, a Cape Town township, with a responsible tourism tour company as a solo traveller to South Africa. The first stop was eKhaya eKasi Art & Education Centre. I was inspired by the model of education and empowerment through the arts. As a woman and mother, it spoke to me because the people it serves primarily are unemployed women, mostly mothers. I thought the centre was a perfect place to pilot the project, as it has an infrastructure in place for welcoming tourists, and it has an art boutique that sells its handmade crafts.

How did you get the word out about your project? How did you raise money?

I got the word out initially on Facebook and Twitter because of the G Project and then in person at TBEX. I continued to Tweet and Facebook about it, wrote blogs, talked to my fellow travel bloggers at Travel Massive Toronto meetups, and just spread the word whenever I could.

I crowdfunded on Indiegogo to raise funds for the workshop, and I also collected eight used iPhone donations from family, fellow travel bloggers, and mobile photographers from Canada, the USA, and the UK. As well, the mobile photography community started to take notice, and a piece was published about it on wearejuxt.com. MobiTog, an online mobile photography community, also jumped in with incredible support, and raised funds to sponsor a participant. They also helped create visual guides to have as reference for the participants.

Some travel bloggers and other bloggers joined the Blogger program and wrote about the project or hosted a widget on their blogs. I also got a bit of media attention in Toronto and Cape Town. A piece about the Indiegogo campaign was published by Jaunted.com that I had no idea about until a guy in Cape Town told me about it on Twitter. He then connected me with a wonderful lady in Cape Town tourism. She secured tickets for us through City Sightseeing Cape Town so that we could tour Cape Town on the hop-on/hop-off bus and photograph at will, and she took me out to dinner. They sent a blogger to cover the story. A friend of mine also connected me to the person in marketing for Table Mountain and they too gave us tickets to visit. It was quite the experience, as the ladies hadn’t visited either of these attractions, and they loved it.

Tell us about a memorable moment from your time spent with these women.

Oh this is difficult, there were so many. I would say the moments that will stand out for a long time were the “in between times” when we were driving from place to place or having a meal together, or the very simple act of our daily greeting in their language of Xhosa, which became a ritual I looked forward to every day. I think I even got pretty good at pronouncing the words. They called me “Sisi,” which means “sister.” “Molo Sisi, unjani?” “Molo Sisi, ndiphilile enkosi. Unjani?” “Nam ndiphilile.” This means: “Hello sister, how are you? “Hello sister, I’m fine thank you. How are you?” “I’m fine too.” I learned a few more words, but I think when you can at least greet someone in their own language it can go a long way to breaking barriers of language and cultural differences. I’m continuing to learn more Xhosa.

One particular memory: There were 10 of us piled into the combi (touring van) that seats six in the back. Music was always playing on those drives and we were dancing in our seats at times. The energy was particularly high as we had just finished two days of documenting township life. Everyone was full of smiles — the kind that can light a room — and there was a lot of laughter. Though they spoke in Xhosa much of the time, I laughed along with them. I was really present and I just remember feeling grateful in that moment. It felt like just an ordinary day in some ways and that I was just a part of this group of women. I didn’t feel like an outsider. I felt like family.

How has “The heART of a Woman” made a difference so far?

Aside from the confidence the women gained in the short time we had together, new skills learned and a new creative outlet, they have started to earn some money. When their work was developed, they started earning money when some friends attended the braai (barbecue) and purchased some postcards right then. Additionally, I pre-purchased 15 postcards from each woman to sell as a special postcard series pack, which also included a postcard I had taken of all the women and a bracelet I commissioned. I sold out of the packs in just over 24 hours.

One of the women shared that she was able to buy train tickets for her son so he could try and find a job. Another shared that she was able to buy some shoes, and another shared that she gave some money to her grandmother. The same friend that attended the braai told me recently she returned to the centre and saw tourists purchasing some postcards from the boutique.

Did you experience any roadblocks along the way?

The biggest roadblock was not raising enough funds and not having enough funds. I was able to conduct the 11-day workshop on a limited budget, but more funds are needed to move to the next phase.

What’s next?

Continue getting the word out about the project, create a coffeetable book of the project — their photos, my photos, their profile photos and words they wrote so we can raise more funds. I need to edit all their work, set up an online shop, market the centre and products, and make sample products for sales. The profits will go to the women and back into the community and the project. With funds raised I was able to provide a portable wifi unit so they can engage on social media, and funds will be needed to continue to pay for prepaid data for the unit. I will continue to get the word out so more tourists will visit, which means more potential sales and income to the centre and community.

How can people get involved?

People can find me on Twitter and Instagram @thoawproject, by my travel blog ID @wanderingiphone, or by following the hashtag #thoawSA to connect, help spread the word, donate, and volunteer. You can visit the website to find out more information about donating, sponsoring a participant for the project, and volunteering.

If you’re travelling to Cape Town, visit the centre, take a tour of the facilities and ongoing projects, and support the local economy and these hard working women and mothers by purchasing their crafts and postcards. You can even spend a night in their small B&B. I’m discussing ideas and plans about leading a volunteer and tour group to Cape Town this year. We’re working on setting up a volunteer program there.

Travel bloggers, iPhone photographers, photographers, and other bloggers can all help as they have experience in social media and photography. In fact, anyone with some good working knowledge of iPhone photography, editing on iOS, and using social media can help. I taught the women the basics; now they just need to build on it. If you can’t donate financially at this time, consider volunteering and/or being an ambassador of the project to help get the word out. [image error]

10 ways we depended on social networking before Facebook was born

Facebook turns 10 today. It’s hard to imagine my current life without this social platform, but I was lucky to grow up in such a rapidly expanding technological age, and experience internet communication as it first developed.

Here are ten methods of social networking that even Mark Zuckerberg probably used before he invented Facebook:

1. Instant Messaging

My my, the things we thought we could get away with in an IM. And of course, the Away Message was the precursor for the Status Update…

2. TV show parties

12 of us would cram into someone’s living room on a Tuesday night to watch the latest episode of 90210. Microwave popcorn, and Skittles, were usually involved.

3. Sat in parking lots and talked

This also occurred in empty school yards, pizza parlors, and the occasional soccer field.

4. Wrote letters

How were you going to communicate with the cute boy you met at camp, who had a different area code than you, and thus would rack up long-distance telephone rates?!

5. Passed notes in school

“Circle ‘yes’ or ‘no’ if you like me.”

6. Burn books

Yes, these were real things. Consider them to be the original “trolls.”

7. 3 hour phone conversations

You had to stay on the phone that long, because you didn’t know when your parents would let you use it again.

8. Internet chat rooms

Don’t forget the obligatory A/S/L.

9. Mailing party invitations and thank-you notes

I’ve yet to receive a physical thank-you note from the seven weddings I attended last year. People seem to think “Thx 4 the gift!” posted on my Facebook wall is sufficient.

10. Myspace

We all became amateur HTML coders so we could customize “our space.”

The oddly uplifting message of 'Her'

Image via examiner.com

I’m a nostalgic person; I always feel I should have been born at a different point in history, a time that made sense to me, where the problems I’d have to deal with didn’t involve eating processed junk food, or nuclear bomb scares. Movies about the future always leave me somewhat depressed, because society just looks so shitty — I don’t want to live in space, I don’t want to eat liquefied dinners, and I don’t want to end up a real-life version of Wall-E.

So I went into Her thinking it would be a stupid film about an introverted weirdo who indulges in cybersex way more than would be realistically entertaining. I left almost in tears, not because the story was particularly Oscar-worthy, but because I felt like I was watching a movie about what the future holds — and it really excited me.

I won’t give any spoilers, but Her is essentially a story about a man and his artificially intelligent “operating system,” or OS for short. The OS has a name — Samantha — and they become involved in a relationship that seems odd at first; however, as the film progresses, I think most viewers will connect more emotionally with the plot line and character development, and less with the idea that, holy shit, this guy is dating his computer.

Futurism plays a large role in the effectiveness of Her. No exact date is set, but Theodore Twombly and his cohorts live within a Los Angeles of the future (shot on-location, as well as in Shanghai, China). Costumes are cleverly designed outfits that follow fashion’s rule of recycled style — the characters wear familiar designs incorporating slight variations, instead of utilitarian jumpsuits, or the outrageous geometric constructions we often see in other films depicting space-aged societies.

Voice-operated personal management, keyboardless computers that work with the swipe of a finger, and projection-based video game systems all feel like natural progressions of the rapidly evolving technologies that exist in our current time period. Where usually I’m disenchanted by ostentatiously sci-fi elements like flying cars, teleportation devices, and alien warlords, I was excited to imagine that, sooner than later, I’d be a living part of Her’s vision of the future.

Why go out into a world of people who don’t understand you when there’s a comfort zone of like-minded people you can talk to via headset?

While many people I know cringe at the thought that these mechanized versions of ourselves are eerily soon to be part of our lives, I was fascinated by the idea of having a “person” around for me at all times. Who wouldn’t want a computer system that was designed to suit your exact needs, who knows you better than you know yourself? How many of us are looking for friends, or romantic partners, that complement us in such a way that we almost feel they are mirror images of ourselves?

One of the coolest parts of Her is how the characters embrace the new OS technology. Twombly isn’t the only one to become involved with an artificial intelligence — his coworker Paul takes Twombly on double dates with his human girlfriend, and his neighbor Amy finds a best friend in the OS her ex-husband left behind. It comes with its own set of complications and emotional roller-coasters, but the fact remains — the OS’s are there for them. Not a lot of people can say that even about their best friends.

Think of the people an OS could help. Sometimes, all we need is a “cheerleader” in our lives to boost our confidence and make us feel valued. It also helps to have someone manage the parts of your life you conveniently neglect — meetings, junk mail, grocery lists, peoples’ birthdays (admit it — you wouldn’t remember your own if Facebook didn’t remind you).

An OS could be useful for the elderly, who may be estranged from their families or live in isolation, who require socialization to prevent mental deterioration but can’t leave their homes. People unlucky in love, who may have never experienced unconditional affection from anyone, who may suffer from social anxiety but feel comfortable with an intuitive system that understands them without having to feel vulnerable or exposed.

While human socialization is important, the fact of the matter is telling someone to get out and be “social” is harder than it sounds. I know people who spend all their time playing video games, and I used to criticize them for being anti-social, for never leaving the house. But I was wrong about them — they were being social, just virtually. Why go out into a world of people who don’t understand you when there’s a comfort zone of like-minded people you can talk to via headset?

The conclusion of Her may surprise you, or may be predictable, depending on your thought process. What viewers need to consider is that, despite its rapid development, we don’t have to be afraid of OS-style technology. We can embrace it, and make it work. Facebook, text messages, and other “screened” parts of our lives aren’t making us less social — we’re still social, just in a different way.

And that, in my opinion, is the definition of technological advancement. [image error]

When you don’t get a miracle, you can still be a miracle for someone else

MY FIRST QUESTION after hearing about Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death: Did he have a family?

To learn that indeed he had a partner for 15 years and 3 children with her made the whole thing so much sadder for me. It reinforces the truth that even within our relationships and families, within our achievements, we can still be in so much pain, we can still be seeking escape, oblivion.

That success and fulfillment do not necessarily go together at all.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about people who are truly fulfilled. Whose lives are miracles to other people.

Few people on earth seem more miraculous than Nick Vujicic. He was born without arms or legs. He was bullied as a kid, and at age 10 he tried to kill himself. Now, 19 years late, he’s written two books, acted in an award winning film, and has received more than 30k requests as a speaker.

His message of hope is so simple and profound. Take a minute to hear his voice, his passion. What walls can you turn into doors?

Feature image photo Credit: www.LizzieVPhotography.com via Compfight cc

14 Philip Seymour Hoffman roles

Image via VOA News

YESTERDAY, when the news of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death broke, I saw my Facebook and Twitter feeds exploding with posts of the story, all captioned, “He was one of my favorite actors.” The Atlantic quickly proclaimed him “the best actor of his generation,” while The New York Times called him “fearless in his choice of roles.”

For many other actors, the incredible amount of praise posthumously heaped upon them can feel a little bit forced — like we’re trying too hard to not speak ill of the dead. But Philip Seymour Hoffman was — in the truest sense of the word — amazing. The man could play any role. He made his scenes in Along Came Polly enjoyable to watch. I don’t know if I can give much higher praise than that.

So if you’re upset about the passing of a genius, here are some of his best performances to check out.

Almost Famous

In Almost Famous, Hoffman played rock journalist Lester Bangs — who, incidentally, also died at a young age of a drug overdose — and journalistic mentor to protagonist William Miller. Though the movie as a whole is excellent and Hoffman’s screen time is minimal, I still remember getting a slight feeling of giddiness every time he came onscreen. The scene above is one of the best in the movie.

The Big Lebowski

In another bit part in a great movie, Hoffman played Brandt, the personal assistant to the “big” Jeffrey Lebowski, in The Big Lebowski. His role is, again, relatively small, but he plays the part of a professional, anxiety-ridden ass-kisser so perfectly it’s hard not to laugh — and also maybe feel a little anxious yourself — at his scenes with “The Dude,” played by Jeff Bridges.

25th Hour

25th Hour is full of excellent performances, and again, Philip Seymour Hoffman’s is one of the smaller ones. He’s given less to work with than Edward Norton, Brian Cox, or Barry Pepper, but he still manages to make his small side-story — that of a quiet high school teacher with a crush on one of his 11th graders — shine as one of the most memorable parts of the film. One of the notable things about Hoffman was his willingness to take on bit parts and perform them perfectly — which isn’t to say he stole scenes or chewed scenery. His acting never appeared to be about him. It was about the role.

Charlie Wilson’s War

Okay, so there’s one movie where Hoffman does get to chew the scenery a little bit, and it’s Charlie Wilson’s War. Considering the people the movie was undoubtedly meant to spotlight were Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and the writing of Aaron Sorkin, it’s awesome to see Hoffman play the pudgy CIA agent wrecking ball Gust Avrakotos with such righteous fury. If you watch any of the scenes we’ve embedded in this article, watch this one.

Capote

Capote finally gave Hoffman the limelight in a real way, and his portrayal of Truman Capote during the writing of the masterpiece In Cold Blood finally won him an Oscar. Capote was not a particularly easy or likable subject to portray — oh, and he spoke in a much higher voice than Hoffman’s deep baritone — but Hoffman managed to portray him in a way where you actually sorta understood the guy. Even when he was being cruel or manipulative. The Oscar was much deserved.

Mission: Impossible 3

Like so many other actors, Hoffman followed up his Oscar win with a big-budget moneymaker, Mission: Impossible 3. Unlike so many other actors, he did not phone it in. And in a series known for over-the-top villains, Hoffman actually manages to be terrifying.

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead is an excellent heist movie by master director Sidney Lumet. In it, Hoffman plays a drug-addicted executive who’s been embezzling money, and enlists his brother’s help to rob his parents’ jewelry store before fleeing to Brazil. Like so many of Lumet’s films, it’s about a man slowly losing control, and Hoffman plays that role perfectly.

Happiness

Happiness is not a movie for everyone. It’s got significantly less happiness in it than it has pedophilia, and it’s a pretty stomach-churning film most of the time. That said, Hoffman’s portrayal of a lonely, boring man who makes obscene phone calls to his next door neighbor is incredibly creepy, and incredibly sad. As The New York Times said: The man was not afraid of taking on tough roles.

Boogie Nights

If there’s a director that Philip Seymour Hoffman is most associated with, it’s Paul Thomas Anderson. In Boogie Nights, perhaps the best known of the PTA movies, Hoffman played a gay boom operator in the ’70s porn industry who’s in love with Dirk Diggler, the porn star played by Mark Wahlberg. It’s kind of impossible to watch this scene and not think, “Jesus, the man picked a lot of sad roles.”

The Master

In another Paul Thomas Anderson movie, Hoffman plays a charismatic cult leader based off of L. Ron Hubbard, who entrances an unstable alcoholic played by Joaquin Phoenix. This would be Hoffman’s third and final Oscar Nomination (unless he gets one posthumously) for Best Actor in a Supporting Role.

Doubt

Doubt was a sparse movie that relied less on the production and more on the strength of its actors. Fortunately, the actors were Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, Viola Davis, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. In it, a nun, played by Streep, accuses a priest, played by Hoffman, of molesting an altar boy. It’s no surprise that all four actors received Oscar Nominations for this one.

Cold Mountain

Cold Mountain saw Hoffman yet again playing a priest, and yet again, playing a bit of a creep. And yet again, his scenes are highlights of the movie.

The Ides of March

George Clooney’s political drama, The Ides of March, was an excellent movie about political betrayal (which I promise, gives away no more than the title does). Hoffman plays Paul Zara, the campaign manager who insists on loyalty from his employee, Ryan Gosling, and doesn’t quite get it. The scene above is one of the best in the film.

Synecdoche, New York

Look, Charlie Kaufman has done some great stuff — Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich, Adaptation. but his directorial debut, Synecdoche, New York, was borderline impenetrable. In it, Hoffman plays an artist who takes a warehouse in New York City and turns it into an authentic play about his life, with actors cast as himself, his friends, and his family. It gets way too meta and is difficult to follow, but the film is rendered watchable by Hoffman’s performance, which manages to ground the otherwise incredibly heady material.

This movie, more than any other, is proof of Hoffman’s incredible ability to make any character, no matter how affected, depraved, or psychotic, relatable and interesting. We’ve lost an incredible actor long before his time.

240 of the sickest HD video clips

Gone are the times where my home movies would end up looking like a Cloverfield, shakey-cam rip-off. Video technology is getting better every day; we wear cameras on our heads, can film clearly underwater with something that fits in the palm of our hand, and with products like Google Glass, we can really see the world through someone else’s eyes.

These video clips capture action, emotion, adventure, and more, in about as high-definition as it gets. I am lucky to live in a time when moments like these can be replayed for me, over and over again. Take ten minutes of your day to beat the Back-To-Work blues, and feel inspired for a while.

Mapped: Olympic host countries

THE 2014 WINTER OLYMPICS begin in Sochi on February 7th. Much attention has been paid to recent violence near Sochi, current anti-gay rights legislation in Russia, and the issue of safety and security for the athletes and spectators at the games. People all over the world are upset that the Olympics might be boycotted for political reasons, or not attended because they aren’t safe.

Rightly so. The Olympic spirit is one of inclusion, depicted clearly in the Olympic symbol: five rings, one for each continent, the colors chosen so each country in the world’s flag has at least one of its colors represented. Since 1896, in that same spirit, the games have been held all over the world to share the glory and responsibility. But not really — there have been a lot of repeat hosts. In the map below, countries in orange have hosted summer games, countries in green have hosted winter games, and countries in magenta have hosted both.

1 Not included: games held before creation of International Olympic Committee in 1896, games cancelled during WWI and WWI.

2 Included: Sweden as 1956 host (they hosted the equestrian events because there was a quarantine in Australia that year), Bosnia and Herzegovina 1984 winter host (the host was Sarajevo which was in Yugoslavia and is now in Bosnia and Herzegovina).

Maggie Doyne helps orphaned children

MAGGIE DOYNE is only 23 years old, but she knew at 18 that there was a lot more to the world than the traditional life path of our Western culture. After backpacking and volunteering in the South Pacific Islands, Maggie found herself in northeastern India where she worked with Nepalese refugees. In 2006 she headed to Nepal with a young Nepalese girl she had befriended and who hadn’t been home to her village since she left at the start of the Maoist insurgency. What she discovered there changed everything. She witnessed orphaned child laborers in whom she saw herself.

She started sponsoring one child’s education, which then grew to 10. Using her life’s savings and with the support of the local community she eventually bought a piece of land and built a home that housed 30 orphans. She is now also responsible for a school being built that educates 230 children.

This is her inspiring story.

How to piss off someone from New Jersey

Photo: Josh Greenstein

Its not tough. We have pretty quick tempers. When polled for this article, my dad said, “We’re always pissed, so you can’t piss us off,” but I think there are ways.

On the accent

First, and this is really important, no one from New Jersey has ever pronounced it, “New Joisey” — not once. Not ever. Fran Drescher may have gone there on The Nanny, but she’s from Queens.

That said, most people from Jersey have some type of accent but love to pretend they don’t, especially if their family has been there for a few generations. I admit to deeply suppressing my accent, and when I have too many jager bombs (I’m sorry, the right amount of jager bombs), I call an orange an “ahrange,” which is a fruit that grows in “Flahridah.” The way I say the word “asshole” is so terrible I can’t even figure out how to spell the sound I make. But do not call me out on it.

If you meet a new friend from Jersey, or their mom, and you can’t tell if they’re doing a Sopranos accent or not, the answer is no, they really talk that way. Don’t tease them. They will get pissed.

On reality TV

Don’t ever tell someone from New Jersey that they remind you of one of the cast of the Jersey Shore. I think the fascination with reality shows about New Jersey stems from the fact that, beneath our perfect hair and tough, lycra-clad exteriors, we’re a very loving people. Deep down, isn’t Snooki a sweetheart? Isn’t the best part about watching those shows that they’re wild but all love each other so much?

If you get someone from New Jersey to love you, they will love you unconditionally. Forever. Especially if you’re family. Good Lord, the family. This is why it pisses us off so much when people say we remind them of one of those table-flipping, spray-tanned, mafia-connected maniacs depicted on TV. A lot of us are those things, of course. But not everyone.

Don’t ever ask someone if the Jersey Shore is “really like that.” We’ll tell you that people on that show didn’t grow up in New Jersey (they’re almost all from out of state), and that it only takes place in a couple of bars in one beach town. We’re much classier than those bozos, and the Jersey Shore is a beautiful place, one of the natural wonders of the world.

The truth is, Jersey Shore was an inaccurate caricature of young people in the state. But I won’t lie to you, I went to high school with a couple of Snookis, and they didn’t build a set to film that show — those people and places exist.

On driving and speed in general

I took an informal poll of my immediate family for this article, and almost all of them get pissed while on the road. Slowpokes in the fast lane, incorrect jughandle use, PBA cards not working during a traffic stop, full parking lots at the mall, traffic in general. We just hate it.

More like this: How to piss off a Masshole

But we don’t only hate slow drivers. Our blood boils anytime we encounter any slowness. If it takes you too long to get our Dunkin’ Donuts, pump our gas, or move out of the way when we’re tailgating you in the fast lane, we get pissed. And since we’re back to driving, don’t ask me what exit I’m from. I hate that.

On the cuisine

Don’t tell anyone from New Jersey that Dominos is your favorite pizza. Let me stop you right there. You’ve never had pizza.

People from New Jersey get pissed when the only food available at 2am is fast food. Where’s the all-night diner? Where’s the Wawa? They also don’t like to be judged for loving porkroll (a processed and fried pork product that’s an integral part of the food pyramid in New Jersey), or eating fat sandwiches, which is a liberal arts minor at Rutgers.

On geography

If you’re from South Jersey, you don’t ever want anyone to ask if you’re from North Jersey, which you think is basically New York. If you’re from North Jersey, you don’t ever want anyone to ask if you live in South Jersey, which you think is basically Philadelphia, or worse, Delaware.

If you’re from Central Jersey, like me, you get pissed when people tell you Central Jersey doesn’t exist. It does.

On music

People from Jersey love music from New Jersey, but there are rules. First of all, never fist pump to Bon Jovi ironically. Either do it because you feel great, or don’t do it. Never say you don’t understand why Bruce Springsteen is a big deal. He is literally the boss. Of the state. If you’re lucky enough to go to a Springsteen show, never sit down. Actually, never sit down anytime you hear a Springsteen song, even if it’s karaoke.

At Christmastime, the radio in the New Jersey area plays a special song, not heard elsewhere in the country. Do not make fun of it. We are fiercely proud of the song’s hero, Dominick, the Italian Christmas donkey, who helps out Santa. We love it.

On football

With so many football teams in a small area, you’d think people wouldn’t be dedicated to one team, but put a Giants fan in an Eagles bar or vice versa and there’s going to be a fight.

Miscellaneous

Don’t ask someone from New Jersey if anyone in their family is in the mob. First, why would I tell you that? And second, I think people say “connected,” not “in the mob.”

Speaking of the mob, don’t tell anyone that Atlantic City is a shittier Vegas. That’s why we like it.

Don’t argue that New Jersey shouldn’t be called the Garden State because one time you took a train from Newark airport to Manhattan and you didn’t see any gardens. Trust me, we’ve got them.

And finally, on Chris Christie

He’s in the news a lot recently. Something about a bridge, something about Hurricane Sandy, something about abuse of power. Here’s what really matters: He says crazy things. Once, when I lived in San Diego, my coworkers and I watched a press conference where he instructed people on how to prep for a hurricane. He looked at the camera and said, pretty calmly, “Get the hell off the beach in Asbury Park and get out. You’re done. It’s [looks at watch] 4:30, you’ve maximized your tan.”

The people around me said things like “New Jersey is a foreign country.” Basically, yes, and we love when people think that. [image error]