Diane Stringam Tolley's Blog: On the Border, page 113

Panty Shopping

A Guest Post by: Grant Tolley
In recent months I have taken to walking during my lunch hour.
Walking is my favourite form of just plain old exercise. A holdover, I guess, from my Boy Scout days when I always enjoyed hiking in the mountains and following a long trail through the forests and the trees.
But I digress already . . .
My noon-hour constitutionals take me most days to a shopping plaza that is about 2 ½ kilometres away from my office.
When I get to the plaza, I often visit the bank there.
I usually have to put some money in so that they can keep operating.
Ahem!
When I am not paying penance to the bankers, I sometimes wander through one or more of the commercial establishments.
Now I should say that I am not much of a shopper-for-the-sake-of-shopping. But in recent years – since the marriages of my children and the arrival of an increasing gaggle of grand-kids – I have taken to just wandering through stores, casually watching for a bargain on something that one or the other of them would like or could put to good use.
So I buy it and salt it away in my joint-occupancy-with-my-Beloved closet, which holds most everything except what a closet is normally supposed to hold.
So the other day, I had found a small item or two, which I had cradled in my arms (having being either too short-sighted or just plain stupid enough not to have picked up a shopping basket) – and I headed to the cash register.
Now you must understand that this was the first really cold day of our winter, so I had on my bulky winter jacket, accompanied by dis-en-handed gloves which I held in one hand, holding the several items I needed to pay for, and then trying to fish my wallet out of a pants pocket that just happened to be underneath all of the above, and encumbered further by a set of keys and a blackberry, all not-so-neatly crammed into the same pocket.
I don’t have a clue who the idiot was who put all that stuff in there.
Needless to say, standing at the cash register, I was delayed somewhat on my wallet-fishing expedition, which held up the line of people behind me.
One of my own pet peeves! People who wait in line for 20 minutes to pay for their purchases, then wait until the cashier says “Twenty-eight dollars and two cents, please”, before they even start looking for their wallet or opening their purse.
And then inevitably not finding it.
Especially in a purse – in my Beloved’s purse, her cheque-book usually ends up hiding right underneath the kitchen sink.
But I digress again . . . .
I am sometimes annoyed by those persons – and now I find that I are one!
Begorrah!
A woman behind me starts talking.
To me.
I keep fishing, more hurriedly, figuring that she is like me, and I am annoying her by delaying the line. I drop my gloves.
I stoop to pick them up – and drop one of my purchases out of my arms.
The woman laughs.
Laughs!
At me!
And keeps talking.
I’m not hearing much of what she says, because my eyes are on the floor – not literally, but almost -- and my ears can’t seem to work at the same time that my eyes do under duress.
I toss my gloves onto the counter, stoop to pick up the dropped item – oops, make that now “items” -- which I quickly scoop up and throw onto the counter.
Whereupon one skids to the other side of the counter and falls, again, at the feet of the cashier.
“I’m sorry,” I say generally, hoping to include both the cashier and chattering Mom-like lady behind me.
And then I notice: Chattering Mom-Lady is smiling -- and still laughing!
And then, with my eyes back in their sockets, I stop to listen.
Amidst chuckles, Mom-Lady is saying to me, “Don’t you just hate it when that happens! Every time I get into a rush, that happens! Why it happened to me just the other day, and I bent over to pick up the new underwear . . . . “
My mind starts racing . . . . Is this going to be one of those way-too-much-information-from-a-total-stranger type of stories?
“. . . and when I finally bent my back upright again – that floor is a looong way down there, these days . . . ." – she points to her rumpled grey hair doing its best to escape from underneath a too-small-for-so-much-hair, Canadian-flag touque -- “I turned to the guy behind me and tried to give him the panties that I had just picked up off the floor, and I told him, 'You dropped your boxers, Sonny!' And he just about fell over laughing!”
I smile, as a jolly guffaw that reminds me of one of Santa Claus’ rolling belly-laughs rises up through Mom-Lady and shines out through her face.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” I mutter in an attempt at an apology.
“Oh my heavens!” says Mom-Lady, to me and the world in general. “I'm not in any hurry, Son! You just take your time.”
Fifty-nine years old, and she calls me “son”.
“Thanks,” I mutter again. “You’re very patient.”
By this time I have successfully completed my fishing expedition, the cashier has completed the transaction, and I am attempting to put on my gloves and retrieve all my shopping bags. There is one left on the cashier’s counter that I don’t quite know how I'm going to retrieve.
“Can I help you there?” Mom-Lady queries.
Having only two fingers left on which a shopping bag could be hung, I turn to Mom-Lady and, pointing with my last two fingers at the last bag on the counter, say to her, “Would you mind handing me my panties there?”
Mom-Lady guffaws, long and loud. I'm afraid we might have to call 9-1-1.
The cashier is laughing. As are two or three people in the line-up behind us.
Between rumbles of laughter, Mom-Lady hooks the last bag on my last two fingers, and says: “You have a great Christmas, son.”
Son. She called me “son”, and she couldn’t have been more than 5 years older than me. My hair was just as grey as hers. And even more rumpled.
“And you too, Mom” I reply through my smile.
As I think about Mom-Lady on my walk back to my office – arms loaded with shopping bags, for 2 ½ kilometres – I think, what a genuine human being! What a wonderful person!
Where so many others might have been consumed by Queue Rage – or Road Rage – or Airplane Rage, or so many other of the non-existent syndromes that we have invented as an excuse to be rude and impolite and impatient and unkind – how very nice it is to encounter whom and what I regard as a genuine, true, Gentle-Woman.
Might Santa Claus bring us many more – this year and every year. The best Grant-pa in the world.
After a visit by a couple of granddaughters...

(S)Now Day

I was raised on a ranch twenty miles from the nearest town.It was a wonderful place in which to grow up.I lived and worked and spent my days with family and farm animals.A peaceful, beautiful sunlit life.Except when it snowed.And then it was something else entirely.It became perfect.Maybe I should explain . . .To get to school each day, my siblings and I rode the school bus.There were flaws in the system.The bus driver of the day refused to make the entire trip to the ranch.And instead, would meet us at Nine-Mile Corner.Situated nine miles from the ranch.Okay, so, creative name-ers, we weren't.Moving on . . .Every day, Mom, and occasionally Dad, would drive us to meet the bus.So we would be driving a vehicle to the middle of nowhere to meet another vehicle.We didn't always connect.At which time, Mom, and occasionally Dad, would have to take us the remaining eleven miles into town.Sigh.And all of this was when the weather cooperated.When it didn't, things were a tad different.During the winter, when it stormed, driving to the school bus was very nearly impossible.But our parents would gamely try unless told to do otherwise by someone in authority.The announcer on the radio was just such an authority. When we awoke to howling winds and/or thickly falling snow, we would wait breathlessly to hear the magic words.Which schools were being closed.Inevitably, Milk River was on the list.At which time, we would rejoice, loudly, and proceed to plan out a day of skating and/or sledding and/or playing in the snow. With fresh doughnuts and hot chocolate to follow.The very best of days.Because a Snow Day is a gift and isn't to be wasted.Moving ahead . . .When my own kids were growing up, schools were never closed due to snow.But buses were often canceled.When that happened, even when our family was living in town, I kept my kids home.Because a Snow Day is a gift and isn't to be wasted on going to school.Moving ahead again . . .A few days ago, a blizzard blew into Edmonton and area.A large blizzard.Preceded by freezing rain.Which made the roads almost impassible.The commute to work quickly became a snarled mess of broken automobiles and frustrated drivers.I kept my Husby home.Because a Snow Day is a gift and simply isn't to be wasted on going to work.

What We Do

I love this time of year!
Hannukkah, the Festival of Lights from December 2 to the 10.
Christmas, which can last anywhere from July to January, but officially begins in our house around the first of December.
Kwanzaa from December 26 to January 1.
It truly is the season of celebration.
The very best of times.
For just a short time, goodwill and love for each other abound. Acts of kindness are everywhere.
And I feel that mankind and I are one.
Husby and I get into the spirit of the season in a large way.
We play Santa and Mrs. throughout.
This year, our visits actually began in October. (Yeah. What I said about the blurred start and end times for Christmas...)
And we couldn't be happier.
Greeting families. Seeing the sparkle in the children's eyes.
And the widening of those same eyes when the idea of Santa crashes headlong into reality.
Just FYI: Santa is really big.
And hairy.
And scary.
Aaaand... maybe I'll just sit with Mrs. Santa, thank you.
I can't think of anything we enjoy more.
Photo Credit: Kimberley Laakso Photography
Photo Credit: The Little Things Photography Studio 
Photo Credit: The Little Things Photography Studio
Photo Credit: Funtime Express Entertainment

Cook-eeee!

Admit it. You want some . . .Cookies. The ultimate in snack foods. That perfect balance of sugars, grains, fats, and deliciousness. And the most unique and perfect forum for getting small, semi-disguised chunks of chocolate into your mouth.
Chocolate that you can savour but dismiss as insignificant when tallying your calorie count at day's end.
Or at least I can.
I love cookies. And I make the mistake of baking them on a regular basis.
Call me a glutton for punishment.
Or just a glutton - the shoe fits. (Or did, before I started making cookies.) But I digress . . .
My six children have been raised on my cookies. Mostly with some form of chocolate as a noteworthy ingredient. They love those small handfuls of pure perfection as much as I do.
Bliss.
But life, and reality, tend to sneak up on you and smack you soundly, just when you aren't paying attention. And so it was with my cookie consumption.
I was going merrily along, enjoying my cookie-filled life until, one day, I dragged my favourite and freshly-washed jeans out of the drawer . . . and couldn't do them up.
Now I know this has happened to many of us, and certainly is nothing new, but it was a first time for me.
And it made me . . . unhappy.
To make matters worse, which we all try to do far too often, I decided to step on the scale.
I should note here, that the person who invented the scale, and non-stretchy clothes, was a nasty, evil individual. But again, I digress . . .
I had to make some changes.
Or buy a new wardrobe.
Finances won. Losing weight was in order. And the first thing to go was my mostly-cookie diet.
I baked one last batch . . . and started eating them as though they constituted my last meal on earth.
Finally, heroically, I put the lid on the still-half-full cookie jar and left the room.
But they . . . called to me.
Cookies do that.
Finally, I could stand it no longer. I answered that call.
I went back into the kitchen and discovered that my beloved cookie jar . . . was empty.
At first, dismay. Then, relief.
"Who ate all the cookies?"
From somewhere in the house, my daughter, Tiana's voice, "Tristan!"
Also from the nether regions of said house, my son, Tristan's voice, "Sorry!"
Me. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, Tristan! I could hug you! I just couldn't leave the silly things alone!"
A pause, then my daughter's voice, "Tiana."
The cookie doesn't fall far from the tree.

Today is National Cookie Day.
I know. A well-deserved honour.
So a group of us decided this special day needed...commemoration.
You've read my effort.
Now go and visit my friends...
You'll be glad you did!


Karen of Baking In A Tornado: Chocolate Mint Slice and Bake Cookies for National Cookie DayDawn of Spatulas On Parade: Lemon Meringue Cookies for National Cookie DayLydia of Cluttered Genius: Let it Go

Gifts

It's Poetry Monday!The topic is Gifts.Hmmm . . . what to do? What to do?
My parents were a social sort.And often entertained.With friends and food and games galoreAnd fun for hours, sustained.
And in those days of party fun,When er’ food came in sight,There were no paper plates to serveWith gusto and delight.
Only the best that could be foundWould aid my parents’ guests,And so they served on china, fine,And silver for the rest.
And when the meal was done, the guestsRose quickly to their feet.And, as a group, cleared table, andWould in the kitchen meet.
The duties there were quickly giv’n,Who’d man the towels and sink.And in an instant, all was done,E’en faster than you’d blink.
When I was ten, above the restStood out one woman there.I watched in awe as she took towelAnd dried the silverware.
Her movements were that quick, I found,My eyes could barely follow.And soon a gleaming pile she hadAll ready for tomorrow.
“I’d love to be that fast,” I said.“My goal is clear to see.”She shook her head, “I’m sorry, dear,You won’t be fast as me.”
I took it as a challenge thenAnd practiced faithfully.And finally knew just what she meant,“You won’t be fast as me.”
For some of us receive one gift,And some another. True.Her gift was drying silverware,And mine? Is telling you.
Mondays do get knocked a lot,With poetry, we three besought,To try to make the week beginWith pleasant thoughts--perhaps a grin?So Jenny and Delores, we,Have posted poems for you to see.And now you've seen what we have brought . . .Did we help?Or did we not?
Next week, unless you tell us nay,We Decorate for the Holidays!

A Fortune-ate Truth

Excuse me, Sir . . .Census.That process, every few years, when the Government gets to perform ‘roll call’.So to speak.In 1981, Mom applied for, and was awarded, the job of Census supervisor.The job entailed working closely with a team of women who quickly became her friends.The work was, for the most part, fairly mundane, as each of the women went door-to-door, collecting information on who lived there.There were a few ‘hold-outs’.And one or two downright nasties.But the group managed to get the work done.Noses counted.And reports filled out.It was time to celebrate.Mom suggested that they all go out for a commemorative Chinese Food dinner.Reservations were made.The women gathered.Eating and hilarity ensued. Mostly at my Mom’s expense as her co-workers proceeded to ‘roast’ their good-natured and long-suffering boss who had become such a good friend.The end of the meal approached and fortune cookies were duly delivered to their table.Each person seated there selected one.Then they made a game of standing and reading their fortune aloud.Finally, it was Mom’s turn.She got to her feet.There was a breathless pause. (Hey, it’s my story; I’ll tell it how I want . . .)Mom grinned. “Oh, this is entirely appropriate,” she said. “It’s time to make new friends.”Who says you can’t find truth in a fortune cookie?

Those Little Ears

It hadn’t been a good day.For the normally organized and industrious mother of the family, a frustrating and unproductive day.Impatience was bubbling perilously close to the surface.She dropped a plate.Which then shattered into a quadrillion pieces.Spreading itself over the entire kitchen floor.It was at that moment that the frustration finally broke through.“Oh, damn it all anyway!”Her husband looked up from the paper he was reading at the dining room table and blinked in surprise.Maybe I should explain that this really wasn’t her usual form of expression.Back to my story . . .He glanced meaningfully at the little three-year-old girl playing happily on the floor at his feet, seemingly oblivious to the conversation. “Ummm . . .” he said, “. . . darn it?! Dang it?!”The little girl looked up. “No, Daddy,” she said. “Damn it!”Little ears.Always turned on when you least want them to be.

Avoiding the Scary

My granddaughter (hereinafter known as Little One, or LO, for short) has the occasional use of her mother’s Ipad.On long trips or when she has been particularly active and needs some quiet time.Said Ipad has several movies installed. Good movies. Deemed by her mother and/or me to be suitable for a child her age.Those of us closeted with her regularly hear most of The Princess and the Frog, Wreck It Ralph, Frozen, Big Hero Six, Toy Story (1,2,and 3), Up, WallE, Brave, Monsters, Inc., and many others.And I do mean ‘most of’.Because LO will watch a movie closely from the opening credits through to . . . well, let me illustrate.On a recent trip to take care of errands, she was absorbed in the colourful antics of a little, dark-haired girl with ‘race car driver’ in her genetic code; and a large, lovable troll of a man whose job was to wreck things. The movie was rolling rapidly toward its usual conclusion.Okay, I admit it, I was absorbed as well.And, quite suddenly, I was transported to the Deep South as Louisiana jazz filled the car.I looked at her. “Why did you change it?”She lifted her head and said, matter-of-factly, “It was getting scary.”“Oh.” I said nothing more and let myself get carried into the current story: Young woman with dreams and grit and young man with charm and a penchant to idleness on a course toward things life-changing and dark and . . .“Oooh. Scary.” And once again the program changed. This time to a couple of current enemies and future best friends on their first day of college.See? ‘Most of’.But she was happily engrossed and I have a strict policy of ‘never disturb a happily engrossed child’, so I left her alone.That evening, Husby and I were watching the news just before turning in for the night. And I can think of nothing more likely to induce nightmares than a recap of yet another day in our often-scary global situation.And, just for a moment, I found myself wishing I could just change the program.Okay, I know that nothing is accomplished if one simply turns away from unpleasant situations or tasks.And that if the good stop trying, the bad have free rein.But, just for a time I wished I could do what LO does. Turn to another program when things get scary. Or better yet, make the scary things disappear entirely.The children obviously have the right idea.

Skating Circles

ThenWhen I was four, my Mom laced me into my first pair of skates.
And put the icy street in front of our Milk River home to something more useful than spinning cars.
Ahem.
I wrote about that first day and you can read it here.
Go ahead.
We'll wait . . .
Skating was a favourite pastime for many years.
But it somehow got forgotten in the decades of raising and launching our children.
I watched them skate. But for some reason, it never occurred to me to join them!
I know. Silly.
Yesterday, all that changed and after a hiatus of over 40 years, Gramma hit the ice. Fortunately without too much force. (Because we all know that hardest thing about skating is the ice, right?)
Today, my elbow hurts and my knees are wondering just what happened, but it was fun and I'll do it again!
Childhood recaptured!
Now

Tut. Tut.

This day, in 1922,
Carter entered King Tut’s tomb,And found a treasure there disclosed,Though the king was, sadly, decomposed.3000 years. The artifacts,Had escaped the robbers’ pacts,And led to golden knowledge, true,Amazing facts for me. And you.But I wonder as these details, read,If you filled a room with all my needs,Then buried me and all my stuff,Then waited for just long enough,3000 years. Or give a few…Would I then be worth something, too?

Mondays do get knocked a lot,With poetry, we three besought,To try to make the week beginWith pleasant thoughts--perhaps a grin?So Jenny and Delores, we,Have posted poems for you to see.And now you've seen what we have brought . . .Did we help?Or did we not?
Next week please join us on this spot,We'll talk of GIFTS that we have got!