Maude Mayes's Blog: Secrets of a Successful Relationship Revealed, page 111

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays everyone! Peace and love from Phil and Maude, here’s our holiday video.

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Happy Holidays everyone! Peace and love from Phil and Maude, here’s our holiday video on Youtube.

Abundance Without Attachment

I just read a very inspiring piece in the NYT entitled “Abundance Without Attachment.” He writes:

for those of us blessed to be above poverty, attachment to money is a means-ends confusion.

Three practices can help.

First, collect experiences, not things.
Second, steer clear of excessive usefulness.
Lastly, get beyond attachment.

But here’s the weird thing; the essay is by Arthur C. Brooks, the president of the American Enterprise Institute, a prominent think tank associated with American neoconservatives such as John Bolton, Lynne Cheney, Newt Gingrich and Paul Wolfowitz. The commentators to the Times story could scarcely believe the contradiction:

It’s funny how people with money downplay its importance until you ask them to share a bit of it.

a parable to pacify paupers

Finding a Partner

I want to jot down some notes on finding  a partner. Three points.

Understanding what makes for conflict-free relating provides the basis for what to look for in a partner.

You have to walk the walk to attract a like person.

It is essential to think positive, to see the glass half-full. If you assess people on their faults or what is missing, nobody will fit your bill. What you look at changes what you see.

What We Want

Though there may be some people with a direct line to what they truly want, nearly everyone could benefit from knowing better their real desires.

What blocks this is layers. A lifetime of layers. A lifetime of being told how we should be; how we should act; what we should want; what we should admire; what we should approve of; what we should look like; what we should say. Our mothers, our friends, our television, our magazines, our employers, all issue a constant stream of advice on how we should live. The messages contradict, and some may be good counsel, but it is difficult to avoid their continual influence. It becomes hard to distinguish what we want to do from what others want and expect us to do; it is like trying to hear one’s heartbeat during happy hour.. It is easy to go along with these messages without realizing we are not being true to ourselves.

I am not suggesting a stubborn adherence to one’s personal demands at the expense of everyone else. That license expired when you were four. We constantly trade one want for another in the interests of social harmony. Neither am I denigrating the role of service, where the joy of helping others outweighs the pleasure of attending to our own needs. Instead I am saying that to always go with the social flow is to lose touch with your deepest desires and with your self, and to open yourself to feelings of rootlessness and lack of direction.

The antidote is silence. Don’t even talk to yourself. Those voices are from the past and the future. Listen instead to the present. Feel how your tongue touches your palate. Hear the tendons creak as you turn your head. See the mockingbird chase the crow. In these things, you will find yourself, and the wants that arise will be manifestly true.

Audio Release of Conflict Article

Our latest article “The Myth of Inevitable Conflict within a Relationship” was just published in Awareness Magazine for May/June 2014.

It’s now also available as an audio file:



You can also download it directly.

The Myth of Inevitable Conflict within a Relationship – New Article!

We are happy to announce that we have just had an article published on one of our favorite topics, “The Myth of Inevitable Conflict within a Relationship” in Awareness Magazine May/June 2014 issue both online and in hard copy.

We have been writing and speaking about peaceful relationships for many years. We co-authored the book Secrets of a Successful Relationship and are currently working on a second book. We are committed to the understanding that conflict is not inevitable, and that relationships can be the inspiration for peace on earth.

Please have a look at the article and we would of course greatly prize any feedback that you share with us. If you are in a relationship, and would like to share any of the things that you do to experience harmony and joy together, rather than conflict, we would be grateful. If you are searching for another way to interact in your relationship, we welcome any questions or requests, and will do our best to support you.

Working toward peace, one relationship at a time!

The Myth of Inevitable Conflict within a Relationship

Why We Don’t Argue

The other night I remarked on the fact that we never feel in conflict with each other, and that this reflects a choice we’ve both made, just like neither of us watch stock car racing, because we don’t enjoy it.

There are two ways to look at someone who does get into conflicts. They may be drawn to that emotion, either explicitly or because it echoes a familial situation that feels comforting because of its familiarity. Alternatively, people behave in this manner because they have not learned that there are alternative ways to respond.

[At this point, a full article would lead into our previous writings about speaking using "I" not "you", which helps to avoid blame, criticism and put-downs; letting each person speak fully; and how the ensuing mutual understanding and empathy leads to new ideas and a resolution that works for both parties.]

Mental Orgasms

Fascinating NYTimes article, I’ll Have What She’s Thinking, on the ability of women to have spontaneous orgasms.

Two Aspects of Tranquility

Nearly every night we retire early enough to have time with each other.It may be conversation, the crossword or a movie, but whatever we choose, it acts as a zone of tranquility that restores us to the center. I attribute this in large part to how we speak, of which there are two parts.

Firstly, I keep no secrets from you. There is no lover, no fetish, no food stash, no savings account. As a result, I can talk to you without needing a censor. I can talk of who I find sexy, of feeling stupid, of grand schemes; I can explore myself with you as witness.

But just as importantly, everything that I say is heard and accepted by you. You listen, you pay attention, you are engaged. But you’re not critical, judgmental or rejecting. Instead, it is all accepted as a part of who I am, and it is this complete acceptance that allows me to speak completely openly.

These two aspects go hand in hand to create that zone of tranquility that refreshes us night after night.